1 00:00:00,220 --> 00:00:03,358 Kids, the key to a good relationship is communication. 2 00:00:03,475 --> 00:00:05,720 - You need to talk. - How about Mimi's? 3 00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,260 Nah, I don't really feel like Mimi's. 4 00:00:07,290 --> 00:00:09,389 Well, I'm hungry. Let's just pick a place and go. 5 00:00:09,419 --> 00:00:11,746 Oh, you know where we should go? Cynthia's. 6 00:00:11,776 --> 00:00:13,477 You love that place-- remember what a great time we had 7 00:00:13,507 --> 00:00:14,501 the last time we were there? 8 00:00:14,531 --> 00:00:16,043 - We did? - Yeah, yeah. 9 00:00:16,073 --> 00:00:18,798 We had that crazy waiter who kept going, "You two should get married! 10 00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:20,400 You two should get married!" 11 00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:22,989 It's also important to know when to stop talking. 12 00:00:23,017 --> 00:00:26,115 Come on. Then we stepped outside. It was raining. 13 00:00:26,141 --> 00:00:27,999 It was so romantic? 14 00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,870 How can you not remember this? 15 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,031 Because it wasn't me. 16 00:00:33,436 --> 00:00:35,203 Oh, right! 17 00:00:35,348 --> 00:00:36,793 It was... 18 00:00:37,125 --> 00:00:38,662 my sister. 19 00:00:39,528 --> 00:00:41,583 You see, by the time you've hit your late 20s, 20 00:00:41,618 --> 00:00:43,010 you've dated a few people, 21 00:00:43,046 --> 00:00:45,591 but when you're in a relationship, it's common courtesy to pretend 22 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:46,560 that you haven't. 23 00:00:46,596 --> 00:00:49,220 Oh, my God, Van Helsing is on. 24 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,920 Remember when we went to see it? 25 00:00:50,955 --> 00:00:52,701 We sat in the back row. 26 00:00:53,315 --> 00:00:55,151 I've never seen Van Helsing. 27 00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:57,392 That's right. I saw it with my sister. 28 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,660 My boss just got back from Maui. 29 00:01:00,698 --> 00:01:02,112 He said it was really romantic. 30 00:01:02,147 --> 00:01:03,733 Oh, it's so romantic. 31 00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:05,520 When were you in Maui? 32 00:01:06,136 --> 00:01:09,871 - I... went... with my sister. - With my sister. 33 00:01:10,117 --> 00:01:11,613 Why do you always say that? 34 00:01:11,878 --> 00:01:15,532 Look, we're not 16. We've both dated other people. 35 00:01:15,568 --> 00:01:17,682 It's silly to try to act like we didn't. 36 00:01:17,715 --> 00:01:18,813 You're right. 37 00:01:18,868 --> 00:01:20,223 We should just be honest. 38 00:01:20,258 --> 00:01:21,350 Totally. 39 00:01:21,677 --> 00:01:23,183 See that girl over there? 40 00:01:24,005 --> 00:01:26,733 Three years ago, I totally made out with her. 41 00:01:27,116 --> 00:01:28,703 I don't want to hear that. 42 00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:31,240 - What? You said... - God, that is so insensitive. 43 00:01:31,277 --> 00:01:33,112 - Remember honesty...? - You're a jerk! 44 00:01:33,877 --> 00:01:35,371 Well, you're... 45 00:01:35,577 --> 00:01:37,182 confusing. 46 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:41,073 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team 47 00:01:41,105 --> 00:01:44,110 www.forom.com 48 00:01:52,066 --> 00:01:54,280 Okay, so you have to have sex with one. 49 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:58,093 Either classic mermaid; bottom half fish, top half human, 50 00:01:58,127 --> 00:02:02,160 or inverted mermaid, top half fish, bottom half human. 51 00:02:02,197 --> 00:02:03,240 Go! 52 00:02:03,615 --> 00:02:05,273 I don't know. Is she fat? 53 00:02:05,307 --> 00:02:08,051 Yeah, but it's a fish, so it's the good kind of fat. 54 00:02:08,366 --> 00:02:10,310 Hot off the presses! 55 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,871 I-I don't take flyers. 56 00:02:11,908 --> 00:02:13,810 You took one two seconds before you walked in here. 57 00:02:13,847 --> 00:02:15,653 That's different. It was for a strip club. 58 00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:16,622 Two bucks off wings. 59 00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,300 How much is your flyer going to save me on wings? 60 00:02:18,337 --> 00:02:20,640 Fine. It's a flyer from my play. 61 00:02:20,676 --> 00:02:23,410 Oh, Lily, I'd love to, but we're not in college 62 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:24,972 and I'm not trying to sleep with you. 63 00:02:25,006 --> 00:02:27,672 - So anyway, this mermaid... - Hey, Lily's friend asked her 64 00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:30,201 to be in this play, and it's gonna be really good. 65 00:02:30,627 --> 00:02:33,751 Lily, I love you, but we're too old for this. 66 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,611 Asking someone to come see your play 67 00:02:35,647 --> 00:02:38,223 is like asking someone for a ride to the airport 68 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:41,013 or to crash on your couch or to help you move. 69 00:02:41,045 --> 00:02:42,661 Call a cab, book a room, 70 00:02:42,698 --> 00:02:44,751 hire some movers and repeat after me: 71 00:02:44,785 --> 00:02:48,123 Friends don't let friends come see their crappy play. 72 00:02:48,425 --> 00:02:52,841 Okay, first of all, I've thought about it and top half fish. 73 00:02:53,198 --> 00:02:55,831 Second of all, we need you guys to decide something for us. 74 00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:57,231 Yes, you should break up. 75 00:02:59,358 --> 00:03:01,030 So, earlier tonight... 76 00:03:02,508 --> 00:03:05,151 Mm, we should get down to the bar. 77 00:03:05,225 --> 00:03:06,952 I know we should, 78 00:03:07,377 --> 00:03:10,562 but you just look so sexy in my red sweatshirt. 79 00:03:13,036 --> 00:03:15,881 Oh, God, why is this part of the story? 80 00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:17,151 We're getting to it. 81 00:03:17,627 --> 00:03:20,611 Damn, my face is so dry. Is there any moisturizer around here? 82 00:03:20,646 --> 00:03:22,192 Yeah, there's some in the bathroom. 83 00:03:22,246 --> 00:03:23,822 Got to moisturize! 84 00:03:23,858 --> 00:03:26,091 Got to keep that pretty face moist. 85 00:03:26,446 --> 00:03:29,090 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! 86 00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:31,770 - What's wrong with her? - She hates that word. 87 00:03:31,805 --> 00:03:35,070 - What word, "moist"? - No! Seriously, stop! 88 00:03:35,426 --> 00:03:38,811 So, anyway, Ted goes into the bathroom to get the moist... 89 00:03:39,116 --> 00:03:40,400 face lotion... 90 00:03:40,576 --> 00:03:42,220 Wow, this is great stuff. 91 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,633 Now I know the secret to your great complexion. 92 00:03:44,668 --> 00:03:46,223 What are you talking about? It's yours. 93 00:03:46,248 --> 00:03:47,431 No, it's not. 94 00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:49,882 Oh, well... then I guess it's Lily's. 95 00:03:49,915 --> 00:03:51,220 No, it's not. 96 00:03:51,978 --> 00:03:54,091 Whose moisturizer is this, Ted? 97 00:03:54,127 --> 00:03:55,551 Um, my sister's. 98 00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:58,953 So, in other words, some girl you went out with. 99 00:03:58,986 --> 00:04:01,891 Um... I love you. 100 00:04:02,297 --> 00:04:06,340 Disgusting. You let me put on the same moisturizer as one of your exes? 101 00:04:06,375 --> 00:04:09,303 It was probably Carla's. Her face was a train wreck. 102 00:04:09,425 --> 00:04:12,011 I'm don't think Ted was dating her for her face. 103 00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:14,223 Thank you, Marshall. 104 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,731 Thank you so much. 105 00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:18,480 Why is that still in your apartment? 106 00:04:18,517 --> 00:04:20,292 I don't know. I just never threw it out. 107 00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,912 Well, why not? Do you still have feelings for this girl? 108 00:04:22,946 --> 00:04:25,302 Yeah. I'm madly in love with her, 109 00:04:25,335 --> 00:04:26,863 and the only way I can deal with it 110 00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:29,111 is by holding onto a three-dollar tube of lotion. 111 00:04:29,145 --> 00:04:31,320 Not three dollars! Try 14. 112 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,843 Why is this such a big deal? 113 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,893 Because I don't want to use some whore's moisturizer! 114 00:04:37,926 --> 00:04:39,882 Whoa, she wasn't a whore. 115 00:04:39,915 --> 00:04:43,041 Well, she's leaving expensive lotions all over town. 116 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,682 It sounds like a whore to me. 117 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,443 What else do you have from old girlfriends just lying around? 118 00:04:47,476 --> 00:04:49,042 Nothing. That's it. 119 00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,541 Well, except for the phone booth. 120 00:04:52,027 --> 00:04:54,111 And the lamp by the desk... 121 00:04:54,947 --> 00:04:56,231 and the... 122 00:04:58,007 --> 00:04:59,301 No. 123 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:04,030 No! No! Oh, Ted! 124 00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:06,310 Ah, the age-old question: 125 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,901 after you break up with someone, what do you do with the stuff? 126 00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:11,260 Question? Ain't no question, girl. 127 00:05:11,298 --> 00:05:12,982 Obviously, he's got to get rid of it. 128 00:05:13,016 --> 00:05:16,132 Which is obviously crazy and obviously, I'm not gonna do it. 129 00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:19,073 So we agreed that we would let you guys decide. 130 00:05:19,108 --> 00:05:21,150 Yeah, like we did with Marshall's pants. 131 00:05:21,306 --> 00:05:26,580 Ah, the 2005 landmark case of Lily v. The Joey Buttafuoco Pants. 132 00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:31,333 Nice, right? 133 00:05:32,126 --> 00:05:33,823 I'm gonna have to say no. 134 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,810 I don't want some 16-year-old girl falling in love with you 135 00:05:36,845 --> 00:05:38,612 and then shooting Lily in the face. 136 00:05:38,646 --> 00:05:39,642 Yes! 137 00:05:40,126 --> 00:05:42,242 I vote they can stay. 138 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:45,632 "Check out the jackass in the parachute pants" is a good icebreaker. 139 00:05:46,485 --> 00:05:47,381 T ed. 140 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,202 Ted? Ted? 141 00:05:50,238 --> 00:05:52,372 Sorry, buddy, it's a "no" for me, too. 142 00:05:52,506 --> 00:05:54,980 Oh, and by the way, Bel Biv Devoe called. 143 00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:57,160 Even they don't want those pants back. 144 00:05:57,293 --> 00:05:59,509 They were insanely comfortable! 145 00:05:59,537 --> 00:06:01,915 They were like pajamas you could wear outside. 146 00:06:01,941 --> 00:06:03,639 Marshall, it's over. 147 00:06:03,679 --> 00:06:07,462 We even gave you an appeal and they didn't look any better with combat boots. 148 00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:11,351 All right, well, let's hear the arguments. Ted, you go first. 149 00:06:11,385 --> 00:06:15,272 Okay. The fact that I still have things from ex-girlfriends is no big deal. 150 00:06:15,305 --> 00:06:17,341 I mean, when I see the phone booth on the piano, 151 00:06:17,405 --> 00:06:19,041 I don't think of Jeannie Radford, 152 00:06:19,076 --> 00:06:21,611 I think of the good times I had backpacking through Europe. 153 00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:24,772 And when I see the lamp, I don't think of Allison Moses. 154 00:06:24,806 --> 00:06:27,013 I remember when I was broke, just out of college, 155 00:06:27,045 --> 00:06:28,792 and I really needed a lamp. 156 00:06:28,827 --> 00:06:32,022 And when I see that throw pillow, I don't think of Lauren Stein. 157 00:06:32,057 --> 00:06:35,030 I think of that weird orange-brown stain and how it got there. 158 00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:36,890 Creamsicle and turkey gravy, 159 00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:38,390 not at the same time. 160 00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:40,512 Well, that's adorable, 161 00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:44,290 but from now on, when I walk into the apartment, here is what I will see. 162 00:06:45,417 --> 00:06:49,912 I'm Ted's college girlfriend. He made me 12 mix tapes. 163 00:06:49,945 --> 00:06:51,841 How many has he made you? 164 00:06:53,636 --> 00:06:55,830 He calls you "sweetie pie"? 165 00:06:55,936 --> 00:06:57,970 He called me "sweetie pie." 166 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:03,870 I'm stupid, but my rack is bigger than yours. 167 00:07:05,215 --> 00:07:07,613 Really? You can't look at a pillow 168 00:07:07,645 --> 00:07:09,683 without seeing my ex-girlfriend-- a pillow! 169 00:07:09,718 --> 00:07:13,070 Yes, Ted, the fact that you still have that pillow is creepy and gross. 170 00:07:13,108 --> 00:07:15,860 - You're creepy and gross. - Your mom's creepy and gross. 171 00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:17,683 Order! Order! 172 00:07:19,007 --> 00:07:20,711 I got to side with Robin. 173 00:07:20,746 --> 00:07:24,000 She's your girlfriend, and if the stuff upsets her, you got to get rid of it. 174 00:07:24,038 --> 00:07:25,832 I've got to side with Ted. 175 00:07:25,885 --> 00:07:27,932 Just 'cause you still have something an ex-girlfriend gave you 176 00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:29,661 doesn't mean you're holding onto her. 177 00:07:29,826 --> 00:07:31,092 All right, Barney. 178 00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:33,133 It all comes down to you. 179 00:07:34,278 --> 00:07:36,430 - I side with Robin. - What? 180 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:38,203 Ted, your place is too cluttered. 181 00:07:38,237 --> 00:07:40,481 It's like you're living in a Bennigan's. 182 00:07:40,945 --> 00:07:42,530 Or a Danby's. 183 00:07:44,016 --> 00:07:46,342 What, they don't have Danby's in the US? 184 00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:48,221 Really? 185 00:07:48,428 --> 00:07:51,442 Well, then were do you get Grizzly Paw ice cream sandwiches? 186 00:07:51,478 --> 00:07:53,072 Just stop, sweetie. 187 00:07:55,738 --> 00:07:56,942 So I had no choice. 188 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,652 I packed up everything I had gotten from ex-girlfriends. 189 00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,072 It was painful, 190 00:08:01,205 --> 00:08:04,391 but not as painful as what I had to endure later that night. 191 00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:07,870 New York is famous for its theater, 192 00:08:07,906 --> 00:08:09,530 but there's many different levels. 193 00:08:09,565 --> 00:08:10,982 There's Broadway, 194 00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:12,651 off-Broadway, 195 00:08:12,687 --> 00:08:14,491 off-off-Broadway, 196 00:08:14,526 --> 00:08:16,751 homeless people screaming in the park, 197 00:08:16,786 --> 00:08:19,913 and then below that, the play Aunt Lily was in. 198 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,431 Eight flights, of stairs. 199 00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,471 Who puts a theater up eight flights of stairs? 200 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,001 What kind of building is this? 201 00:08:27,037 --> 00:08:30,222 From the smell of it, I'm guessing a urine factory. 202 00:08:30,808 --> 00:08:32,242 Where do you guys want to sit? 203 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:35,633 I know where I don't want to sit. 204 00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,312 Guys, four together! 205 00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:43,362 I brought a bag in case anyone needs to puke. 206 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:44,901 Come on. It's not gonna be that bad. 207 00:08:44,935 --> 00:08:46,561 No? Okay. 208 00:09:00,788 --> 00:09:06,023 I... am... Rage! 209 00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:12,152 I... am Greed. 210 00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:19,920 I am Rage... Envy! 211 00:09:20,296 --> 00:09:22,112 I am outta here. 212 00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:24,322 No, you're not. You have to stay. 213 00:09:26,877 --> 00:09:31,081 This is the face of Consumerism! 214 00:09:31,115 --> 00:09:33,642 Oh, my God. Ted's part of the play. 215 00:09:39,587 --> 00:09:44,673 Hello, Greed, Rage... 216 00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:46,761 Envy... 217 00:09:47,395 --> 00:09:51,830 and Consumerism. 218 00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:58,982 I... am your father... 219 00:09:59,545 --> 00:10:01,501 America! 220 00:10:17,407 --> 00:10:19,982 Oh, baby, that was wonderful! 221 00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,350 Totally, I had no idea Greed was the killer. 222 00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:24,142 And when it became a play within a play, 223 00:10:24,177 --> 00:10:26,541 I was, like, "Now we are really cookin'!" 224 00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,552 Wow, Lily, that sucked! 225 00:10:30,336 --> 00:10:31,401 Barney! 226 00:10:31,436 --> 00:10:33,040 What? It was terrible. 227 00:10:33,475 --> 00:10:35,392 I mean, come on. You guys agree, right? 228 00:10:35,878 --> 00:10:39,060 Hey, sorry, I'm just being honest 'cause, you know, we're friends. 229 00:10:39,095 --> 00:10:41,812 No, friends make each other feel good. 230 00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:44,093 They build each other up and support them. 231 00:10:44,128 --> 00:10:46,432 That's what being a good friend is about. 232 00:10:46,555 --> 00:10:48,741 Yeah, if you're a Smurf. 233 00:10:48,947 --> 00:10:51,533 You know if you did a play, I would sit through the whole thing 234 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,890 and I would compliment you on it afterwards. 235 00:10:53,928 --> 00:10:55,251 Oh, really? You would? 236 00:10:55,286 --> 00:10:56,331 Yes. 237 00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:59,790 Bad move, Aldrin, bad move. 238 00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:03,730 We'll be starting our Q&A with the director-- 239 00:11:03,765 --> 00:11:05,062 yours truly-- 240 00:11:05,275 --> 00:11:07,571 in five minutes right here. 241 00:11:11,958 --> 00:11:14,610 Can you believe Barney said that about Lily's play? 242 00:11:14,647 --> 00:11:16,591 I know. He can be really insensitive. 243 00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:18,552 It was pretty bad, though. 244 00:11:18,588 --> 00:11:20,291 Oh, my God, it was so bad. 245 00:11:26,425 --> 00:11:28,092 Oh, my God, you've been robbed! 246 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:29,192 Nope. 247 00:11:33,055 --> 00:11:35,733 All that stuff was from old girlfriends? 248 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,102 Don't you buy anything for yourself? 249 00:11:40,138 --> 00:11:41,543 What can I say? 250 00:11:41,588 --> 00:11:43,210 Papa gets swag. 251 00:11:44,315 --> 00:11:47,402 And that should've been the end of it. But the next day... 252 00:11:47,437 --> 00:11:49,813 You know, at first I was really bummed about getting rid of all my stuff. 253 00:11:49,846 --> 00:11:52,401 But seeing how happy it makes you-- totally worth it. 254 00:11:52,437 --> 00:11:55,071 Mm, that's kind of how I feel when I begrudgingly have sex with you 255 00:11:55,107 --> 00:11:56,250 when I'm really tired. 256 00:11:56,288 --> 00:11:59,063 Exactly. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. 257 00:12:00,675 --> 00:12:02,933 Well, sit. Sit, yeah. 258 00:12:02,967 --> 00:12:05,303 So you never keep anything your ex-boyfriends gave you? 259 00:12:05,337 --> 00:12:06,402 Nope. 260 00:12:06,437 --> 00:12:08,313 Well, except for my dogs. 261 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:25,692 So I had to get rid of everything from my past relationships 262 00:12:25,725 --> 00:12:28,243 because you don't keep things from your past relationships 263 00:12:28,278 --> 00:12:31,542 except, uh, where are your five dogs from? Oh, that's right: 264 00:12:31,575 --> 00:12:33,172 your past relationships. 265 00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:34,500 What's your point, Ted? 266 00:12:34,538 --> 00:12:37,100 Well, you know how you said you come over to my apartment, 267 00:12:37,137 --> 00:12:39,353 and all you can see are my ex-girlfriends? 268 00:12:39,386 --> 00:12:42,911 What, so when you look at my dogs, all you see is my ex-boyfriends? 269 00:12:48,217 --> 00:12:49,663 I do now. 270 00:12:50,948 --> 00:12:52,411 That's ridiculous. 271 00:12:52,446 --> 00:12:55,010 I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you. 272 00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,633 Well, yeah, but not my dogs. 273 00:12:56,665 --> 00:12:57,471 You said everything. 274 00:12:57,505 --> 00:12:59,081 But not living things. 275 00:12:59,117 --> 00:13:02,040 Well, tell that to the rare Bolivian cactus I threw away. 276 00:13:02,146 --> 00:13:04,260 Things with a heartbeat can stay. 277 00:13:07,526 --> 00:13:08,850 Enjoying this? 278 00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,921 Pickles, go get your ball. 279 00:13:11,508 --> 00:13:12,563 Go get your ball. 280 00:13:17,386 --> 00:13:19,961 Just admit it. It was a little hypocritical of you 281 00:13:19,996 --> 00:13:21,542 to make me get rid of all my stuff. 282 00:13:21,578 --> 00:13:24,840 Well, what do you want me to do, Ted? Get rid of my dogs? 283 00:13:26,856 --> 00:13:28,893 Guess what position we did it in. 284 00:13:29,318 --> 00:13:31,722 Yes. Yes, I want you to get rid of your dogs. 285 00:13:31,757 --> 00:13:33,511 Um, no. 286 00:13:38,415 --> 00:13:41,612 Really? Well, I say we take it to the group, 287 00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:44,352 but I don't like your chances. 288 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,293 She's not getting rid of the dogs. 289 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,113 What's the matter with you? 290 00:13:49,147 --> 00:13:51,353 - Even I wouldn't do that. - Yes! 291 00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:54,791 You can ask somebody to get rid of their iguana after it poops in your hair, 292 00:13:54,826 --> 00:13:56,611 but not their dog. 293 00:13:56,677 --> 00:13:58,423 I miss Jebediah. 294 00:13:58,955 --> 00:14:00,441 Oh, I almost forgot. 295 00:14:00,726 --> 00:14:03,393 Flyers for my new play. 296 00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:04,892 Very funny. 297 00:14:04,925 --> 00:14:06,033 Oh, it's not a joke. 298 00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:08,390 It's my one-man show premiering tomorrow night. 299 00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:11,171 And even though it's terrible and excruciatingly long, 300 00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:13,861 I expect you all to be there since we're such good friends. 301 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,040 Oh, we'll be there. 302 00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:17,181 Unless, of course, you just want to admit that you were wrong... 303 00:14:17,217 --> 00:14:18,722 - Never. - Good. 304 00:14:18,886 --> 00:14:21,263 Okay, I gotta go rehearse. 305 00:14:21,558 --> 00:14:24,051 Oh, I almost forgot. Bring a poncho; 306 00:14:24,086 --> 00:14:25,633 the first three rows get wet. 307 00:14:40,306 --> 00:14:42,993 I'm sorry I didn't tell you where the dogs came from. 308 00:14:43,937 --> 00:14:45,722 I'm sorry I asked you to get rid of them. 309 00:14:45,755 --> 00:14:47,262 That was ridiculous. 310 00:14:48,358 --> 00:14:50,222 So we're-we're okay? 311 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,493 Yeah, we're great. 312 00:14:52,168 --> 00:14:53,673 And I thought we were, 313 00:14:53,705 --> 00:14:56,840 but just as it did in the seventh act of Aunt Lily's play, 314 00:14:56,877 --> 00:14:59,222 Jealousy reared its ugly head. 315 00:15:07,135 --> 00:15:10,482 Oh, yeah, that's the spot. 316 00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:26,951 Dude, I gotta pee. 317 00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:30,702 I gotta go. 318 00:15:36,255 --> 00:15:39,002 Oh, he's really having trouble dealing with this, huh? 319 00:15:39,035 --> 00:15:40,512 Yeah, he really is. 320 00:15:40,586 --> 00:15:43,723 It's got me thinking, maybe I should get rid of my dogs. 321 00:15:44,028 --> 00:15:46,193 Might be time to send them to the farm. 322 00:15:46,225 --> 00:15:48,902 - You're gonna kill your dogs?! - No! No, no, no, 323 00:15:48,938 --> 00:15:50,450 there really is a farm. 324 00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:52,263 My aunt has a farm upstate. 325 00:15:52,297 --> 00:15:53,731 Oh, thank God. 326 00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:56,142 Aw, you know, if I were five dogs, 327 00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:59,793 I'd rather live on a farm than in an apartment in Brooklyn. 328 00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:02,630 Yeah. I could visit them on weekends. 329 00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:06,470 My aunt is awfully lonely up there. It's just her and her lover, Betty. 330 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,453 Oh, that's perfect. They love dogs. 331 00:16:09,786 --> 00:16:11,600 "They"? What do you mean by "they"? 332 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,202 Uh... uh.... uh... People upstate. 333 00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:15,821 Oh, look, it's starting. Shh! 334 00:16:18,625 --> 00:16:20,140 Are you sure you're gonna be okay? 335 00:16:20,177 --> 00:16:21,430 I mean, you know that this is gonna be... 336 00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:24,253 I know, but I'm gonna sit through the whole thing, 337 00:16:24,285 --> 00:16:26,720 and I'm gonna say something nice about it afterwards. 338 00:16:26,757 --> 00:16:27,670 You know why? 339 00:16:27,706 --> 00:16:29,481 Because that's what friends do. 340 00:16:45,418 --> 00:16:46,472 Moist. 341 00:16:48,395 --> 00:16:49,400 Moist. 342 00:16:50,295 --> 00:16:51,201 Moist. 343 00:16:52,628 --> 00:16:53,500 Moist. 344 00:16:53,586 --> 00:16:55,622 That was the first 40 minutes of Barney's show. 345 00:16:55,658 --> 00:16:56,692 Moist. 346 00:16:58,316 --> 00:17:01,033 And then we endured about 20 minutes of this. 347 00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:14,593 I have to go refill. 348 00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:16,470 I'll be back in a moment. 349 00:17:16,508 --> 00:17:17,763 Play's not over. 350 00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:23,792 I never get picked for audience participation. 351 00:17:25,415 --> 00:17:27,161 And then it just got weird. 352 00:17:31,516 --> 00:17:32,960 Feelings. 353 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,200 Inside. 354 00:17:36,496 --> 00:17:38,392 Oh, no! 355 00:17:48,205 --> 00:17:49,930 And when that didn't work... 356 00:18:08,245 --> 00:18:10,710 Okay! Stop! 357 00:18:10,786 --> 00:18:12,512 You win. Fine. 358 00:18:12,565 --> 00:18:16,153 Barney, I'm sorry I made you come to my show. 359 00:18:16,188 --> 00:18:17,282 Thank you, Lily. 360 00:18:17,318 --> 00:18:19,462 Is there anything you'd like to say about my show? 361 00:18:19,496 --> 00:18:20,413 No. 362 00:18:20,445 --> 00:18:23,800 No, I have nothing nice to say about your show. 363 00:18:23,835 --> 00:18:25,270 You were right, Barney. 364 00:18:25,306 --> 00:18:26,643 Let's go to the bar. 365 00:18:26,675 --> 00:18:29,060 Yes! I win! 366 00:18:29,096 --> 00:18:30,792 I love winning! 367 00:18:30,828 --> 00:18:34,231 Oh, Lily. Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily. 368 00:18:34,268 --> 00:18:36,342 I was just getting warmed up, man! 369 00:00:00,005 --> 00:00:00,000 00:18:36,372 --> 00:18:39,483 If you had any idea what was coming up in act two... oh! 370 00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:42,600 Well, I imagine it was pretty awful, so let's go. 371 00:18:42,635 --> 00:18:45,962 Pretty awful? Pretty awful?! It was a masterpiece of awful. 372 00:18:45,998 --> 00:18:49,482 It's genius how bad it is. I kind of wish you guys could see it. 373 00:18:49,516 --> 00:18:51,180 Yeah, well, anyway. 374 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,610 Act two is where I really hit my stride. 375 00:18:54,645 --> 00:18:57,393 Spoiler alert: the robot falls in love. 376 00:18:59,476 --> 00:19:02,401 How about this, Barney? How about we stay 377 00:19:02,437 --> 00:19:05,461 and-and watch the rest of your show? 378 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:10,251 It's your funeral. 379 00:19:11,577 --> 00:19:13,573 Five, six, one, two. 380 00:19:16,466 --> 00:19:19,793 So we stayed and let Barney torture us for another hour and a half, 381 00:19:19,827 --> 00:19:22,781 'cause that's what friends do, apparently. 382 00:19:24,938 --> 00:19:25,872 Hey. 383 00:19:26,158 --> 00:19:27,992 Where've you been? I called you earlier. 384 00:19:28,025 --> 00:19:30,633 I gave my dogs away to my aunt. 385 00:19:30,666 --> 00:19:31,802 You what? 386 00:19:31,836 --> 00:19:35,660 Yeah. Just for a few months as a test run, but... 387 00:19:36,297 --> 00:19:38,031 I think it's for the best. 388 00:19:38,505 --> 00:19:39,800 Wow. 389 00:19:40,705 --> 00:19:42,733 Oh, man. 390 00:19:44,818 --> 00:19:46,402 Can we go inside? 391 00:19:46,437 --> 00:19:48,813 Uh, no. Uh, let's go to the bar. 392 00:19:48,845 --> 00:19:50,473 Why? What's going on inside? 393 00:19:50,506 --> 00:19:52,801 - Um, the floors are gone. - What? 394 00:19:52,837 --> 00:19:55,351 Yeah. I-I sent them out to get, um, fixed. 395 00:19:55,387 --> 00:19:57,373 This is a terrible lie. I'm just going to bail. 396 00:20:10,298 --> 00:20:12,072 I didn't know you were getting rid of the dogs! 397 00:20:12,106 --> 00:20:14,020 You said you threw all that stuff away! 398 00:20:14,055 --> 00:20:17,113 Kids, this was the worst fight Robin and I ever had. 399 00:20:17,197 --> 00:20:19,560 It was one of those fights that last for hours 400 00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:22,741 and you start to get woozy and lose track of what you're fighting about. 401 00:20:23,036 --> 00:20:26,562 We fought for so long, seasons changed outside the window. 402 00:20:26,666 --> 00:20:29,431 Pages of the calendar blew off. It was crazy. 403 00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:33,051 But, ultimately, and I couldn't tell you how for the life of me, 404 00:20:33,085 --> 00:20:35,673 but somehow we got to here. 405 00:20:39,327 --> 00:20:41,240 We're really doing this? 406 00:20:42,705 --> 00:20:43,822 Yeah. 407 00:20:44,695 --> 00:20:46,853 - We're moving in together! - We're moving in together! 408 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,742 The robot found love 409 00:20:55,777 --> 00:20:57,631 Confusing my circuitry 410 00:20:57,666 --> 00:20:59,793 My software's been hacked 411 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,451 Toaster oven 412 00:21:01,486 --> 00:21:08,672 You're the one for me 413 00:21:10,317 --> 00:21:11,933 Two, three, four. 414 00:21:20,395 --> 00:21:21,820 That's two. 415 00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:27,313 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net