1 00:00:00,745 --> 00:00:03,871 In May of 2007, Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall got married 2 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:07,285 at the historic Van Smoot House in upstate New York. 3 00:00:08,137 --> 00:00:10,723 Wow, it's beautiful, Lily. 4 00:00:11,091 --> 00:00:14,116 Yeah. It's just how I always pictured it. 5 00:00:14,216 --> 00:00:16,055 Well, that was a load of crap. 6 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,939 You see, kids, when you get married, you learn a hard lesson. 7 00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:22,260 The wedding you set out to have is almost never the wedding you end up with. 8 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,596 So, we've decided on a small, outdoor wedding, 9 00:00:25,696 --> 00:00:27,884 just family and close friends. 10 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,740 No more than 25 people 11 00:00:29,844 --> 00:00:32,130 in a beautiful garden somewhere, 12 00:00:32,230 --> 00:00:34,381 maybe an acoustic guitar playing 13 00:00:34,482 --> 00:00:36,115 while we walk down the aisle. 14 00:00:36,219 --> 00:00:38,852 And maybe you already know someone who went down to the courthouse 15 00:00:38,886 --> 00:00:40,621 and registered as an officiant 16 00:00:40,726 --> 00:00:42,620 so that he or she-- he-- 17 00:00:42,728 --> 00:00:44,261 could perform the ceremony. 18 00:00:44,368 --> 00:00:47,231 But you hate marriage. Why do you want to perform the ceremony? 19 00:00:47,335 --> 00:00:50,672 Because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there 20 00:00:50,777 --> 00:00:52,061 that when I ask a question, 21 00:00:52,165 --> 00:00:53,641 you say, "I do." 22 00:00:54,865 --> 00:00:55,861 Yeah. 23 00:00:56,836 --> 00:00:58,242 The closer you get to the big day, 24 00:00:58,345 --> 00:00:59,573 the more concessions you make. 25 00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:02,892 Great. Now my mom's making me invite the Lessners. 26 00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:06,023 This puts our numbers in the triple digits. 27 00:01:06,127 --> 00:01:11,050 Wow. I guess sometimes, Lessner is more... ner. 28 00:01:11,737 --> 00:01:13,643 You know how like sometimes less is more. 29 00:01:13,748 --> 00:01:15,880 Yeah. This is one of those times, sweetie? 30 00:01:16,886 --> 00:01:20,322 You know what? That's okay. It'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding. 31 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:23,511 So it's not going to be an outdoor wedding anymore. 32 00:01:23,616 --> 00:01:27,541 Marshall's dad is convinced if we have an outdoor wedding in New York, 33 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:31,161 he's going to get mugged, so it's going to be inside now. 34 00:01:31,687 --> 00:01:35,823 It'll be great. We're still going to have our acoustic guitar player. 35 00:01:35,926 --> 00:01:38,630 So now, instead of an acoustic guitar, 36 00:01:38,736 --> 00:01:40,483 we're having a harp player. 37 00:01:40,815 --> 00:01:44,591 Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and... that guy's daughter plays the harp. 38 00:01:44,715 --> 00:01:48,391 Is she hot? I'd love to be able to cross "harp player" off my list. 39 00:01:48,765 --> 00:01:50,423 How long is this list? 40 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:53,662 Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. 41 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,130 I'm not crass. 42 00:01:55,318 --> 00:01:57,921 Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant. 43 00:01:58,025 --> 00:02:00,102 Sweet! I can cross off two things. 44 00:02:01,146 --> 00:02:03,192 Transcript: Raceman 45 00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,650 Subtitles: Willow's Team 46 00:02:05,756 --> 00:02:09,123 www.forom.com 47 00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:17,902 And the day arrives for Lily and Marshall's very big indoor wedding... 48 00:02:18,226 --> 00:02:19,312 with a harp. 49 00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:20,531 Hi, Lily. 50 00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:22,401 Wow. Andrea. 51 00:02:22,506 --> 00:02:23,942 You really are pregnant. 52 00:02:24,048 --> 00:02:24,763 Yeah. 53 00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:27,270 How do you play the harp with your belly so...? 54 00:02:27,377 --> 00:02:30,123 Oh, I don't really-- I can only reach about half the strings. 55 00:02:30,697 --> 00:02:32,373 You only play half the harp? 56 00:02:32,477 --> 00:02:33,543 Yeah. 57 00:02:33,967 --> 00:02:36,692 Oh, no. Uh, okay. Lily, I will take care of this. 58 00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:39,440 Um, I'll just pluck the other half. Is it hard to learn? 59 00:02:39,548 --> 00:02:41,560 I've been studying the harp for 12 years. 60 00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:43,422 Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. 61 00:02:43,526 --> 00:02:46,032 You ever hear of "Guitar Hero"? Learned that in a day. 62 00:02:46,137 --> 00:02:47,381 Is there a "Harp Hero"? 63 00:02:47,485 --> 00:02:48,850 Robin, it's fine. 64 00:02:48,958 --> 00:02:51,031 So, so, when are you due? 65 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:51,952 Tuesday. 66 00:02:52,057 --> 00:02:53,263 Wow, that's soon. 67 00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:54,691 Last Tuesday. 68 00:02:55,798 --> 00:02:57,901 Holy crap, we have to fire her. 69 00:02:58,005 --> 00:03:00,832 She's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony. 70 00:03:00,935 --> 00:03:03,853 Robin, I'm not going to freak myself out. 71 00:03:03,956 --> 00:03:05,390 I hate those women who say, 72 00:03:05,498 --> 00:03:07,802 "Oh, my wedding has to be perfect." 73 00:03:07,905 --> 00:03:11,690 Things go wrong. Sometimes the deejay screws up your playlist. 74 00:03:11,797 --> 00:03:15,443 Sometimes you slip on placenta during the recessional. 75 00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:18,000 Can I grab a scotch and soda real quick? 76 00:03:18,036 --> 00:03:21,542 No. I'm not allowed to serve anything until the reception. 77 00:03:21,716 --> 00:03:24,112 Wow. You just cost yourself a big tip, buddy. 78 00:03:24,217 --> 00:03:26,692 I'm not allowed to accept tips, buddy. 79 00:03:27,265 --> 00:03:29,111 You allowed to accept criticism? 80 00:03:29,218 --> 00:03:32,333 You, sir, are an ass... buddy. 81 00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:36,820 Hey, you want to know what line doesn't work on a harp player? 82 00:03:36,928 --> 00:03:38,843 "Hey, baby, want to pluck?" 83 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:40,821 Really? That didn't work. 84 00:03:40,926 --> 00:03:42,201 Not even a little. 85 00:03:43,526 --> 00:03:45,523 Hey! Who's Bill? 86 00:03:45,628 --> 00:03:46,431 Bill? 87 00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:49,203 Yeah. This guy came up to me at the bar. 88 00:03:49,416 --> 00:03:50,970 Can I ask you something? 89 00:03:51,075 --> 00:03:55,350 Where in the ceremony is the place where they ask if anyone objects? 90 00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:58,393 Uh... Don't think they do that anymore. 91 00:03:58,496 --> 00:04:01,313 Oh, so when do you think someone should do it? 92 00:04:01,417 --> 00:04:04,360 Just wait for a lull or what? 93 00:04:05,187 --> 00:04:06,462 Oh, no. 94 00:04:06,568 --> 00:04:10,720 Did he look like a guy who tried to be an umpire but failed? 95 00:04:11,596 --> 00:04:13,082 He kind of did. 96 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,422 That's Scooter. 97 00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:16,920 Your high school boyfriend, Scooter? 98 00:04:17,025 --> 00:04:18,553 His real name is Bill. 99 00:04:18,657 --> 00:04:20,191 My mom must have invited him. 100 00:04:20,296 --> 00:04:21,701 Why? Why would she do that? 101 00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:23,470 Our families are really close. 102 00:04:23,575 --> 00:04:24,901 But my ex-boyfriend? 103 00:04:25,006 --> 00:04:26,242 Come on, Mom. 104 00:04:26,346 --> 00:04:30,220 I didn't invite that professional squash player Dad busted you with. 105 00:04:30,706 --> 00:04:32,492 Oh, I need a glass of wine. 106 00:04:32,595 --> 00:04:33,380 I'll get it. 107 00:04:33,486 --> 00:04:35,472 Oh, thanks. Hey, how's Marshall doing? 108 00:04:35,578 --> 00:04:36,170 He's great. 109 00:04:36,197 --> 00:04:37,431 He's about to get his hair cut. 110 00:04:37,526 --> 00:04:40,371 Oh. I'm worried my cousin's going to cut it too short. 111 00:04:40,476 --> 00:04:43,122 Me, too. I was up all night. 112 00:04:44,047 --> 00:04:45,133 Hello, Lily. 113 00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:45,942 Hey, Bill. 114 00:04:46,048 --> 00:04:47,022 Hey, Barney. 115 00:04:47,127 --> 00:04:49,482 Scooter, what are you doing here? 116 00:04:49,587 --> 00:04:51,301 It's not "Scooter" anymore. 117 00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:52,751 It's Bill. 118 00:04:52,898 --> 00:04:55,332 A lot of things have changed about me, Lily, 119 00:04:55,435 --> 00:04:56,682 but one hasn't. 120 00:04:56,785 --> 00:04:58,402 I still love you. 121 00:04:58,556 --> 00:05:00,733 And I came here to win you back. 122 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,412 You're really cute. Oh, no. Really? 123 00:05:04,518 --> 00:05:06,621 Lily, I-I know it's crazy, 124 00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:08,541 but I love you, 125 00:05:08,865 --> 00:05:10,902 and if you can look me in the eye 126 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,760 and tell me that you want to marry Marshall, 127 00:05:12,765 --> 00:05:15,801 I will leave right now and be out of your life forever. 128 00:05:15,906 --> 00:05:17,131 I want... 129 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,530 I want... 130 00:05:21,618 --> 00:05:22,710 Scooter! 131 00:05:22,996 --> 00:05:24,053 I need a glass of wine. 132 00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,180 And I need you to get out of my face. 133 00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:27,723 It's for the bride, so... 134 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,093 White or red? 135 00:05:29,197 --> 00:05:30,333 White. 136 00:05:31,308 --> 00:05:34,162 And, uh... she'd also like a scotch and soda. 137 00:05:34,266 --> 00:05:34,882 You got it. 138 00:05:34,987 --> 00:05:37,430 She'd also like a bowl of smoked almonds. 139 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:38,602 I don't have any, 140 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,990 but I guess I could run out to the corner and get some. 141 00:05:41,095 --> 00:05:43,802 Well, it's only the biggest day of her life, so... 142 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,372 Let the games begin. 143 00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:53,090 Here. Can't stay. Got to try something. 144 00:05:53,864 --> 00:05:56,060 Maybe my words won't change your mind, 145 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,761 but maybe the words of a poet will. 146 00:05:59,282 --> 00:06:02,995 I read from "November Rain." 147 00:06:03,339 --> 00:06:05,113 By W. Axl Rose. 148 00:06:05,218 --> 00:06:06,800 That is a good song. 149 00:06:07,456 --> 00:06:10,020 Barney said you needed me to bounce some guy named Scooter? 150 00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:13,861 What's up with Bill? 151 00:06:13,966 --> 00:06:15,010 That's Scooter. 152 00:06:15,527 --> 00:06:16,831 I'm on it. 153 00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:22,132 - Hey. - Hey. 154 00:06:22,707 --> 00:06:24,283 Can I have your phone number? 155 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,622 No. 156 00:06:25,965 --> 00:06:27,680 It's for the bride. 157 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,402 Oh. Hold on. Let me go get a pen. 158 00:06:32,656 --> 00:06:34,810 The bride wants you to walk slower. 159 00:06:37,736 --> 00:06:39,441 Oh, wow. 160 00:06:39,545 --> 00:06:41,873 Oh. Robin... 161 00:06:41,976 --> 00:06:43,763 My makeup looks perfect right now, 162 00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:46,401 and I'm about to cry. Do something. 163 00:06:47,848 --> 00:06:49,343 I have hairy nipples. 164 00:06:49,447 --> 00:06:50,190 Really? 165 00:06:50,298 --> 00:06:51,963 No, but it worked, didn't it? 166 00:06:52,448 --> 00:06:54,113 Hey. Funny story. 167 00:06:54,216 --> 00:06:55,892 I tackled this guy I thought was Scooter. 168 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,521 Turns out it was your photographer. 169 00:06:57,627 --> 00:07:00,990 Don't worry. I got this sweet camera phone, so we're covered. 170 00:07:02,135 --> 00:07:03,642 There's a photographer? 171 00:07:03,746 --> 00:07:04,713 Oh, my God. 172 00:07:04,817 --> 00:07:07,230 - Okay, I just have to call... - Robin, stop. Stop. 173 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:08,542 It's okay. 174 00:07:08,647 --> 00:07:11,923 I am not gonna let anything get to me today. 175 00:07:12,477 --> 00:07:14,781 I just got a call from the florist. The flowers won't be here 176 00:07:14,815 --> 00:07:16,542 till halfway through the ceremony. 177 00:07:19,016 --> 00:07:20,263 I'm okay. 178 00:07:20,365 --> 00:07:24,151 I hate to bother you, but... I think I found your veil in the parking lot. 179 00:07:24,955 --> 00:07:26,233 I'm fine. 180 00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,840 Just FYI: my water broke. 181 00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:31,323 But I can probably... 182 00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:37,213 ...make it through. 183 00:07:37,497 --> 00:07:38,721 Totally cool. 184 00:07:41,116 --> 00:07:42,252 Oh, no. 185 00:07:43,257 --> 00:07:45,702 Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties. 186 00:07:45,808 --> 00:07:47,732 I-I thought I had them. I'm so sorry. 187 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,881 Oh, it's okay, I'll just wear the ones I have on. 188 00:07:49,988 --> 00:07:50,990 Are you sure? 189 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,111 I'm marrying Marshall today. 190 00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:56,120 So it doesn't even matter that I'm gonna walk down the aisle 191 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,591 without a veil in a room that has no flowers 192 00:07:59,698 --> 00:08:03,241 to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, 193 00:08:03,345 --> 00:08:06,683 as my high school boyfriend reads Guns N' Roses lyrics. 194 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,853 But that's okay, 195 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:11,411 because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway. 196 00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:14,321 Lily, are you okay? 197 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,721 What do you think?! Of course I'm not okay! 198 00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:20,160 Everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! 199 00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,403 It's ruined! 200 00:08:21,506 --> 00:08:23,391 What happened to "I don't want a perfect wedding"? 201 00:08:23,427 --> 00:08:27,092 Oh, grow up, Robin! Of course I want a perfect wedding! 202 00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:32,141 Oh, God. I wanted... I wanted not to care about the wedding, but... 203 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:36,462 I do. I... I'm supposed to feel like a princess today. 204 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:37,640 And you will. 205 00:08:37,805 --> 00:08:39,980 It's gonna be okay, sweetie. 206 00:08:40,088 --> 00:08:42,981 Why don't we go outside? I have something that'll make you feel better. 207 00:08:43,086 --> 00:08:46,300 What could you have that could possibly make me feel better? 208 00:08:50,716 --> 00:08:54,003 God, I hope Marshall's having a better day than I'm having. 209 00:08:55,127 --> 00:08:57,430 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 210 00:08:57,535 --> 00:08:58,873 Oh, my God. 211 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,791 Oh, my God. 212 00:09:01,185 --> 00:09:03,272 - Oh, my God! - What? 213 00:09:10,966 --> 00:09:12,881 Well, it's not too short. 214 00:09:23,787 --> 00:09:27,600 My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! 215 00:09:27,707 --> 00:09:29,841 I look like one of the Backstreet Boys! 216 00:09:29,948 --> 00:09:30,853 You totally do. 217 00:09:30,958 --> 00:09:32,410 And not even the good Backstreet Boys, 218 00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:35,852 the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys. 219 00:09:36,508 --> 00:09:38,543 The good Backstreet Boys? 220 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,693 Guys! Guys! What am I gonna do?! 221 00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:42,680 What-what the hell happened to you? 222 00:09:42,787 --> 00:09:44,442 Lily's cousin is in beauty school, 223 00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:46,340 and Lily didn't want her to do her hair, 224 00:09:46,445 --> 00:09:48,202 so she said she could do mine. 225 00:09:48,307 --> 00:09:50,803 So, um, just not-not too short, okay? 226 00:09:50,908 --> 00:09:53,013 Oh, no, we don't even have to cut it at all. 227 00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:54,781 Could just give it some style. 228 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:55,993 Oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 229 00:09:56,027 --> 00:09:58,643 'Cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. 230 00:09:58,748 --> 00:10:00,883 And I don't want to look weird when I'm up there, you know. 231 00:10:00,916 --> 00:10:03,412 Ooh, I could give you some cool guy tips. 232 00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:06,382 I don't think I need advice on how to be cool, 233 00:10:06,487 --> 00:10:08,832 but yeah, great, lay that on me. 234 00:10:10,037 --> 00:10:12,760 I can't get married like this! There's no way! 235 00:10:12,865 --> 00:10:14,270 Ah, let me see what I can do. 236 00:10:14,378 --> 00:10:16,153 What? What can you do? 237 00:10:16,705 --> 00:10:18,312 I have a superpower. 238 00:10:19,048 --> 00:10:21,260 Lily is gonna kill me! 239 00:10:21,368 --> 00:10:22,273 Look at me! 240 00:10:22,377 --> 00:10:23,971 She's not gonna want to marry me like this. 241 00:10:24,008 --> 00:10:25,631 That's crazy. Of course she will. 242 00:10:25,736 --> 00:10:26,700 Would you marry me? 243 00:10:26,806 --> 00:10:29,420 No. But not because of the hair. It's because I have a rule: 244 00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:32,350 never marry anyone you've had a farting contest with. 245 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:36,370 Oh, great. So now you're saying Lily and I shouldn't even get married? 246 00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:40,812 Could I have everyone's attention, please? 247 00:10:41,845 --> 00:10:43,513 It's for the bride. 248 00:10:45,588 --> 00:10:48,400 One, the bride would... 249 00:10:48,507 --> 00:10:51,260 like all of this tension out of my shoulders. 250 00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:54,032 And she would like, let's say, 251 00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:56,820 you in the inappropriately short dress to rub them. 252 00:10:56,926 --> 00:10:58,200 Two... 253 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,522 What was two? 254 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:05,083 Okay, we have a bit of a situation. 255 00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:07,801 Let's not panic. 256 00:11:08,718 --> 00:11:10,560 Let's just find a solution. 257 00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:28,633 Dude, you shaved your freakin' head. 258 00:11:28,738 --> 00:11:30,670 Yeah, yeah, but it's good. 259 00:11:30,776 --> 00:11:33,573 I ought to shave it all off. What a great solution. 260 00:11:33,676 --> 00:11:36,053 Just be bald 'cause it's cool, right? 261 00:11:36,156 --> 00:11:38,693 Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spears... 262 00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,850 Oh, God, what did I do?! 263 00:11:40,956 --> 00:11:42,622 How could you let me shave my head?! 264 00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:44,380 - What?! - You're the worst best man ever! 265 00:11:44,487 --> 00:11:45,640 I hate you! 266 00:11:45,745 --> 00:11:48,263 I'm not going out there! I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. 267 00:11:48,276 --> 00:11:50,291 I'm gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree 268 00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:52,500 and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihautanejo. 269 00:11:52,607 --> 00:11:53,600 Dude, those guys are criminals. 270 00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:56,160 Only Red Andy was falsely accused. 271 00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:58,853 Ted, you're my best man! You got to do something! 272 00:11:58,956 --> 00:12:01,561 Okay, all right, come here. Just breathe, breathe, all right? 273 00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:03,742 Don't worry. Don't worry. 274 00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:07,741 - I'll just... I'll take these. - No! 275 00:12:11,866 --> 00:12:14,573 - Uh, hi. Uncle Ben, right? - Yes. 276 00:12:14,676 --> 00:12:17,673 Yes, we're, we're having a little bit of a problem back there. 277 00:12:17,775 --> 00:12:19,732 Um, and I was wondering if you could help us out. 278 00:12:19,757 --> 00:12:20,690 Yeah. 279 00:12:21,555 --> 00:12:25,951 Marshall accidentally shaved part of his head. 280 00:12:26,058 --> 00:12:27,680 - Oh, no! - Yeah. 281 00:12:27,785 --> 00:12:29,660 Yeah, so here's what I was thinking. 282 00:12:29,765 --> 00:12:35,211 What if I found something to cover up the bald area? 283 00:12:35,315 --> 00:12:37,820 Yeah, that would probably work, 284 00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:39,291 but with what? 285 00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:42,421 That's a tough one. 286 00:12:43,758 --> 00:12:46,932 Maybe a wig of some sort or a, um... 287 00:12:47,035 --> 00:12:48,150 toupee. 288 00:12:48,257 --> 00:12:50,162 Something that matches his hair color, 289 00:12:50,266 --> 00:12:54,913 which is, which is kind of the same color as the top of your hair. 290 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,940 Mm, yeah. 291 00:12:58,658 --> 00:13:00,733 Does anyone here wear a toupee? 292 00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,551 Shouldn't be hard to find out. 293 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,083 Most of them are pretty bad. 294 00:13:04,186 --> 00:13:06,631 That is true. That is true. 295 00:13:06,737 --> 00:13:09,232 We just need to find someone who wears a toupee 296 00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:11,181 that is the same color 297 00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:15,391 as Marshall's and your hair. 298 00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:18,743 Boy, that's a pretty tall order. 299 00:13:18,846 --> 00:13:20,111 Really? 300 00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:23,240 You can't think of any place in the general area 301 00:13:23,347 --> 00:13:25,572 where there might be a toupee of the kind I'm describing to you? 302 00:13:25,606 --> 00:13:27,812 No, not off the top of my... 303 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,281 No. Can't. 304 00:13:32,387 --> 00:13:34,913 Let me come at this from a different angle. I got $50 in my pocket 305 00:13:34,946 --> 00:13:37,231 - which is probably a lot more... - The bride needs this. 306 00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:55,771 Actually, I think it kinda works. 307 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,942 It totally does. 308 00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:00,811 Barney? 309 00:14:03,346 --> 00:14:05,122 To be honest, I'm, uh, 310 00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:07,763 I'm jealous I don't get to wear it. 311 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,531 Okay, problem solved. 312 00:14:16,637 --> 00:14:17,582 Crisis averted. 313 00:14:17,688 --> 00:14:19,220 Let's get me married. 314 00:14:19,328 --> 00:14:21,090 It looks terrible, doesn't it? 315 00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:23,390 It kinda looks like fur, 316 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,171 which gives you the appearance of a cleaned-up Bigfoot. 317 00:14:26,275 --> 00:14:28,280 - Oh, you know... - In a bad way. 318 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,543 Hey. Cool hair, bro. 319 00:14:31,898 --> 00:14:32,932 What happened to your shirt? 320 00:14:32,965 --> 00:14:35,350 I got sauce on it when I tackled the caterer. 321 00:14:35,997 --> 00:14:37,172 You gonna put another shirt on? 322 00:14:37,206 --> 00:14:38,182 No, I'm good. 323 00:14:38,285 --> 00:14:39,902 Hey, you guys seen Scooter? 324 00:14:40,008 --> 00:14:43,593 What? What? Scooter's here? That guy's at my wedding? 325 00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:45,323 Not for long, bro. 326 00:14:45,515 --> 00:14:47,073 Not for long. 327 00:14:50,497 --> 00:14:52,393 Okay, you know what? I need some air. 328 00:14:52,497 --> 00:14:54,651 I think we should go for a walk, okay? 329 00:14:57,295 --> 00:14:59,302 It would cover up the problem. 330 00:14:59,508 --> 00:15:00,613 It's festive 331 00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,582 and it celebrates the heritage of this great nation. 332 00:15:03,688 --> 00:15:06,102 Okay, unless you actually have one in your car, 333 00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:09,110 stop suggesting authentic Native American headdress. 334 00:15:09,436 --> 00:15:10,562 Oh, no. 335 00:15:10,668 --> 00:15:12,633 Oh, my God! 336 00:15:13,908 --> 00:15:14,882 Marshall... 337 00:15:14,985 --> 00:15:16,673 Lily, you're not supposed to see me. 338 00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:19,653 Holy crap, I don't think anyone's supposed to see you. 339 00:15:20,077 --> 00:15:22,153 What happened? Did Amy do this to you? 340 00:15:22,258 --> 00:15:24,990 Just the frosted tips. I did the rest. I'm sorry, baby. 341 00:15:25,096 --> 00:15:26,902 I've ruined the whole wedding, haven't I? 342 00:15:27,008 --> 00:15:29,250 Oh, no, you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie. 343 00:15:29,357 --> 00:15:30,743 It was already ruined. 344 00:15:30,845 --> 00:15:32,552 There's no flowers, no photographer. 345 00:15:32,658 --> 00:15:34,410 Oh, and Scooter's here, by the way. 346 00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:35,391 Yeah, I know. I heard. 347 00:15:35,497 --> 00:15:38,471 My veil got thrashed, the harp player is in labor, 348 00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:40,653 and I'm not wearing my wedding underwear. 349 00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:43,263 What? No "Property of Marshall" across the back? 350 00:15:43,368 --> 00:15:45,372 How are people going to know whose butt that is? 351 00:15:45,475 --> 00:15:47,120 What happened? 352 00:15:47,225 --> 00:15:52,190 Remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony? 353 00:15:52,295 --> 00:15:54,043 I wish we could have that wedding. 354 00:15:56,937 --> 00:15:58,111 So do it. 355 00:15:58,217 --> 00:15:58,982 What? 356 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:00,461 Get married now. 357 00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:01,880 Right here. 358 00:16:01,987 --> 00:16:04,302 Look, it's outside like you always wanted. 359 00:16:04,405 --> 00:16:06,411 Intimate, close friends. 360 00:16:06,517 --> 00:16:09,090 There's no guitar, but it's pretty close. 361 00:16:09,196 --> 00:16:10,973 Barney can officiate. 362 00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:14,863 Yes. Yes, I can. 363 00:16:15,347 --> 00:16:18,241 Uh, excuse me, guys. You all dropped something: 364 00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,592 your jaws-- 365 00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:24,111 because Barney Stinson is about to aid and abet a marriage. 366 00:16:24,956 --> 00:16:27,671 Could we even do that? I mean, what about all those people in there? 367 00:16:27,735 --> 00:16:29,811 Do that one, too. And then when everything goes wrong, 368 00:16:29,848 --> 00:16:32,882 you won't care because you already had the real wedding out here. 369 00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:36,380 What do you think, baby? 370 00:16:36,878 --> 00:16:38,353 I love it. 371 00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:39,650 Me, too. 372 00:16:39,757 --> 00:16:42,751 Let's do it. Let's get married before we get married. 373 00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:44,131 Great. 374 00:16:44,477 --> 00:16:46,140 Wait, hold on. 375 00:16:47,718 --> 00:16:49,221 Excuse me, sir. 376 00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:51,453 Could we borrow your hat? 377 00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:53,662 Okay. 378 00:16:53,766 --> 00:16:55,072 Thank you. 379 00:17:03,307 --> 00:17:04,422 Hat. 380 00:17:04,686 --> 00:17:07,073 We thought of authentic Native American headdress 381 00:17:07,178 --> 00:17:09,200 before we thought of hat. 382 00:17:11,207 --> 00:17:12,792 Thank you all for coming. 383 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,562 For those of you who don't know me... 384 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,930 I'm not the biggest believer in marriage. 385 00:17:21,645 --> 00:17:26,541 But... you two are so great together, you know? 386 00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:34,562 It's like you were, uh, made for each other. 387 00:17:34,727 --> 00:17:36,883 - He's gonna cry. - No, I'm not. 388 00:17:42,377 --> 00:17:44,320 I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. 389 00:17:50,146 --> 00:17:51,630 Lily and Marshall... 390 00:17:52,935 --> 00:17:55,453 when everyone sees you, they... 391 00:17:56,015 --> 00:17:57,611 see true love. 392 00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:02,093 It's the best love... 393 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:10,433 Can we just, um, move on to the rings or something? 394 00:18:13,715 --> 00:18:15,052 Oh, no. 395 00:18:16,277 --> 00:18:17,543 I don't have my vows. 396 00:18:17,648 --> 00:18:19,072 I don't have mine either. 397 00:18:19,175 --> 00:18:22,583 You don't need your vows. Just say why you love each other. 398 00:18:25,247 --> 00:18:26,611 Okay, I'll go first. 399 00:18:29,186 --> 00:18:30,311 Lily, 400 00:18:31,145 --> 00:18:33,830 there are a million reasons why I love you. 401 00:18:34,885 --> 00:18:36,170 You make me laugh 402 00:18:36,497 --> 00:18:38,922 and you take care of me when I'm sick. 403 00:18:39,295 --> 00:18:44,033 You're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. 404 00:18:44,137 --> 00:18:46,883 She puts a little Italian dressing in scrambled eggs before she cooks them. 405 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,561 It's called "Eggs Marshall," and it's awesome. 406 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,061 But the main reason that I love you is 407 00:18:54,168 --> 00:18:56,093 that you're my best friend, Lily. 408 00:18:56,296 --> 00:18:59,102 You're, uh... you're the best friend I ever had. 409 00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:01,203 - I'm sorry, buddy. - No problem. 410 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,583 It's totally okay. 411 00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,191 My turn. 412 00:19:05,556 --> 00:19:07,043 Oh, thank you. 413 00:19:07,957 --> 00:19:12,870 Marshall, I love you because you're funny 414 00:19:12,975 --> 00:19:15,560 and you make me feel loved 415 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:18,323 and you make me feel safe 416 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:22,093 and for our anniversary you gave me a sweatshirt that says, 417 00:19:22,197 --> 00:19:25,473 "Lily and Marshall. Rockin' It Since '96." 418 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,533 I kinda wish I was wearing it right now 419 00:19:28,636 --> 00:19:31,681 'cause it smells like you. 420 00:19:32,516 --> 00:19:35,670 But the main reason I love you, Marshall Ericksen, 421 00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:38,701 is you make me happy. 422 00:19:39,205 --> 00:19:41,473 You make me happy all the time. 423 00:19:46,148 --> 00:19:48,282 Hey, I found your panties! 424 00:19:48,996 --> 00:19:50,393 I'm good. 425 00:19:52,697 --> 00:19:55,180 Marshall, do you take Lily to be your wife to have and to hold from this day forward? 426 00:19:55,215 --> 00:19:56,030 - Slow down. - I can't. 427 00:19:56,066 --> 00:19:58,073 From this day forward so as long as you both shall live? 428 00:19:58,107 --> 00:19:59,072 I do. 429 00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:02,673 Lily, do you promise to take Marshall to be your husband to have and to hold... live? 430 00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:03,432 I do. 431 00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,760 Okay, then, 432 00:20:04,907 --> 00:20:08,823 by the power invested in me by the very bitter old Pakistani man 433 00:20:08,928 --> 00:20:11,423 who works down at the courthouse on Lafayette Street, 434 00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,830 I now pronounce you man and wife. 435 00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:16,792 You may kiss the bride. 436 00:20:24,247 --> 00:20:26,161 - Do you smoke? - No. 437 00:20:26,265 --> 00:20:29,772 Wow. First lie of marriage. That was fast. 438 00:20:31,677 --> 00:20:34,780 After that, we all went back inside for the second wedding. 439 00:20:34,886 --> 00:20:36,830 And yes, a lot of things did go wrong, 440 00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:37,990 but it didn't matter 441 00:20:38,095 --> 00:20:40,233 because when I look back on that day, 442 00:20:40,338 --> 00:20:42,273 what I remember is the first wedding; 443 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,392 the intimate outdoor ceremony 444 00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:46,151 with just close friends 445 00:20:46,258 --> 00:20:48,160 and an acoustic guitar. 446 00:20:58,708 --> 00:20:59,872 How do you feel? 447 00:20:59,988 --> 00:21:03,060 Tired. I got married twice today. 448 00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,871 So where do you want to do it for the first time as a married couple, 449 00:21:09,975 --> 00:21:12,760 nice hotel room or a reception hall bathroom? 450 00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:14,200 What do you think? 451 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:16,381 Bathroom, of course. 452 00:21:17,347 --> 00:21:18,992 Please don't. 453 00:21:20,566 --> 00:21:22,062 - Sorry, Ted. - Sorry, Ted. 454 00:21:22,167 --> 00:21:22,903 Transcript: Raceman Subtitles: Willow's Team www.forom.com 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net