1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,399 Different, not different? 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,800 It's the same. Mostly. 3 00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:08,100 Except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,700 My hand keeps cramping up. 5 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:10,900 I thought the whole point of getting married was 6 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,000 that you didn't have to do that anymore. 7 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:16,100 No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. 8 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,400 Mostly. Yeah. 9 00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:19,200 You're writing constantly. 10 00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,300 There's forms we have to sign, our death folders, 11 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,500 thank you notes. Whoa, whoa. 12 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,300 What are death folders? 13 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,800 It's this thing they recommend you do 14 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,200 in case one spouse dies unexpectedly. 15 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:33,000 It's all the information your spouse might need 16 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:33,700 all in one convenient location Yeah. 17 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,400 Account info, important addresses, 18 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:37,900 a letter to the other person. 19 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,100 All that stuff. 20 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,240 I'll get the next round. 21 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,600 I am such a jerk. 22 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,700 Yeah. 23 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,200 Wait, why? 24 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,400 I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. 25 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:50,200 All Lily's gonna find 26 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,100 in that folder are a bunch of bank statements 27 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,100 and a funny list of things to do with my ashes. 28 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,500 - Marshall brownies. Number six. - Yeah. 29 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,800 Oh, God, I am a bad husband. 30 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,300 No, uh, no, I'll just write, 31 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,500 I'll write Lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine. 32 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:03,700 That's right. 33 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,300 Unless... 34 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,400 - you die between now and then. - Ooh. 35 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,600 - But... come on, that's never gonna happen. - Yes! 36 00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:13,200 If there's one thing we can state with absolute certainty 37 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,700 it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die 38 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:16,900 before writing that letter. 39 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,300 No way at all. 40 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:23,499 In fact, I dare God to smite down this perfectly healthy... 41 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,000 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 42 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:25,800 I get it. 43 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,700 Okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, 44 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,400 and you guys are trying to freak me out. 45 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,100 Well, guess what? It didn't work. 46 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,200 So, there. 47 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,100 You guys are jerks! 48 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,100 Kids, after Robin and I broke up, 49 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,800 she needed some time away. 50 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:04,400 Away from her normal home, her normal life, 51 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,200 and it turns out, her normal self. 52 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,900 I was just so uptight in New York, you know? 53 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,100 I mean down here everybody shares everything. 54 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:18,700 It's like we're all one big shimmering ball of positive energy. 55 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:23,000 I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before. 56 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,100 Here. Eat. 57 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,990 If we run out of fish, I will catch more with my hands. 58 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,900 A drum circle! 59 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,800 They're different every time. 60 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,500 Let's go watch! 61 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,000 And here I am at the drum circle. 62 00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,600 Whoa, are you topless? 63 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,800 Ted, check this out. 64 00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:41,200 Seen 'em. 65 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,200 Wow, it seems like a great trip. 66 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,300 Oh, it was. 67 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,600 I feel like the Robin who left 68 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,900 is not the same Robin who came back, you know. 69 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,500 Wow, there's a lot of nude people in here. 70 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,200 You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. 71 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,300 You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, 72 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,200 cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, 73 00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,600 gun-toting New Yorker. 74 00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,300 Just shoes and a shirt. 75 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,700 That's a look. 76 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,699 What you are not is a massage-giving, windsurfing, bongo-playing, 77 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,700 teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, hippy 78 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,800 like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. 79 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,300 Back me up here, Ted. 80 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,300 I'm just happy Robin's happy. 81 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,900 - Thank you. - Man, this is like a 82 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,700 "Where's Waldo" of exposed genitalia. 83 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,455 Except that it's really easy to find Waldo. 84 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,800 I'm evolved... 85 00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,100 and I'm enjoying living my life 86 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,900 a little bit closer to the way Gael 87 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,200 - and I did in Argentina. - Please. 88 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:32,100 Vacation romances have an expiration date. 89 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,700 Gael's got a "best if banged by" sticker on him. 90 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:40,500 Once your romance starts to stink, you'll dump his ass down the drain 91 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,000 like sour milk and go back to being "Unevolved Robin," the one we actually like. 92 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,700 Back me up here, Ted. 93 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,900 I'm just happy Robin's happy. 94 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,600 I'm telling you, within three days... 95 00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,300 Ooh, here he comes. Switched to big words. 96 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,299 Within a triad of solar periods, 97 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,100 you'll recognize your dearth 98 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,900 of compatibility with your paramour 99 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,600 and conclude your association. 100 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,300 My journey was transformative. 101 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,600 And I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour 102 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,500 and the philosophies he espouses. 103 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,100 What are we talking of? 104 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,800 baseball? 105 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,900 This is all gonna return to masticate you in the gluteals. 106 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,900 Support my hypothesis, Ted. 107 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,995 I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant. 108 00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,900 To write the letter 109 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:28,700 he hoped Lily would never have to read. 110 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,400 "My dearest, sweetest, Lily pad. 111 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:35,875 "Let this letter be a small beacon, 112 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,200 "a tiny firefly to help light your way 113 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,425 "through the years ahead. 114 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:45,400 "My love for you persists 115 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,800 "higher than the Himalayas. 116 00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:50,565 Deeper than a Scottish loch." 117 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:57,799 "If I died under suspicious circumstances, "then beware. 118 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,900 "Trust no one. Not even Ted." 119 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,400 "Especially not Ted." 120 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:12,000 "Know that I'll always be there in your heart "whenever you need me, 121 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:15,100 "and that my love for you will never die. 122 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,200 "Love... 123 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,300 your marshmallow." 124 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,200 "M. 125 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,799 "ATM pin code: 5-4-5-9. 126 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,000 "Teacher's pension account: A-3-9-3-2. 127 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,100 "Cancel Vogue. 128 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,200 L." 129 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:55,100 My windsurfing board... 130 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,900 it had floated away. 131 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,200 And the shark... 132 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,100 he was getting closer. They say to escape 133 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,300 you punch a shark in the nose. 134 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,950 But I said, "Brother shark, 135 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,080 we are both children from the same Earth mother." 136 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,300 And that's all I remember until the hospital. 137 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,400 That guy. Yeah. 138 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,000 That guy. 139 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,400 Look at how easy he has it. 140 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,500 You and me, we have to bend over backwards 141 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,200 to get a woman to, well, bend over backwards. 142 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,000 But that guy... 143 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,800 Every woman in the bar is hanging 144 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,900 on his every slightly mispronounced word. 145 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,400 And why? 146 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:36,880 He's better looking than us. 147 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,000 No. 148 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,600 Because he's from out of town. Mmm. 149 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,500 With and accent and an innocent smile, 150 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,600 you don't even have to try. Yeah. 151 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,800 Plus automatic out, you're leaving in a couple of days. 152 00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,790 God, I wish we were tourists. Yeah. 153 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,200 Actually... 154 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:56,785 You know where I've been meaning to visit? 155 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,200 Okay, okay, we're from a small town in the south of France. 156 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,500 Our plane leaves Sunday morning. 157 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,000 Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. Hate to bother you. 158 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,300 We seem to be a little bit lost. 159 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,600 Would you happen to know which street 160 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,199 the Statue of Liberty's on? 161 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,100 Actually, it's on its own island. 162 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,200 Oh! Oh, it's right... 163 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,900 Ah. Thank you very... 164 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,899 Uh, my name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel. 165 00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,200 From East Westerton, Missouri. 166 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:26,399 And this is my friend, Ted. 167 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,800 Hi, um, I'm Colleen. 168 00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,000 Hi, Colleen. This is Lindsay. 169 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,300 Hi, Lindsay. 170 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,500 So, hey, :you-you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. 171 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,500 What do you say... 172 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,100 Ah, never mind. No... 173 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,200 No, what is it? 174 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:37,800 Well... 175 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,500 it's just we're leaving Sunday morning. 176 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,300 It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers show us around. 177 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,900 Yeah. 178 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,900 Well, we're busy tonight, but... 179 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,900 maybe tomorrow afternoon? 180 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,200 After lunch? 181 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,600 Well, hotdog! 182 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:51,300 Should we... 183 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,400 you want to just meet here 184 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,800 in front of Mac... MacLaren's Pub? 185 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,600 It's kind of a lame bar, but sure. 186 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,500 Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me. 187 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,100 It's pretty lame. 188 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,200 I think it's cool. 189 00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:03,100 We'll see you tomorrow. 190 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,800 I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar 191 00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,200 a lot of cool people would hang out at. 192 00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,600 Okay, all right. 193 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:08,600 So, Gael, huh? Mmm. 194 00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:09,700 Still going strong? 195 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:14,200 Yeah, it's great. Amazing, fantastic, awesome. 196 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,800 Ooh, that's one too many. 197 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:16,700 What's going on? 198 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,300 Well, now that I'm home, 199 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,700 I'm finding myself getting annoyed 200 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,100 at things that I loved on vacation. 201 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,000 Here, taste. 202 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,100 Experience your food. 203 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,800 Oh. So good. 204 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,400 Here, taste. 205 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,300 Experience your food. 206 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,460 Ooh, sofa, ooh, sofa. Sofa, sofa, oh. 207 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,100 Ooh. We're alone now. 208 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,200 I must have you. 209 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,200 Ooh. I must have you. 210 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,300 Laptop, laptop, laptop! 211 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,100 And you know what else? 212 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,100 I'm still finding sand everywhere. 213 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,300 I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. 214 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,525 Where is all coming from? 215 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,800 maybe you are going back to the person you were before the trip. 216 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,000 But I don't want to. 217 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:07,399 I was so happy down there. 218 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,600 No, you know what? 219 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,000 I'm done complaining. 220 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,300 I'm evolving. 221 00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,700 Just gonna go with the flow. 222 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,000 Wow. 223 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,600 Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. 224 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:24,900 Okay. 225 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,700 Okay, old Robin would have been like, dude, ocupado. 226 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,300 But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. 227 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,200 Pee it up. 228 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:34,400 In fact, 229 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,500 when you're done, why don't you come in here and join me? 230 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,725 Don't mind if I do, love. 231 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,800 Gael, there's some weird du... 232 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,100 Hello. Hey! 233 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,000 Good news! 234 00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,600 I made some new traveling friends today, 235 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:50,300 and they will staying with us how do you say 236 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,000 indefinitely! 237 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,990 Will you sign this thank you note? 238 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,000 Wow. 239 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,200 Both sides. 240 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:09,500 You wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin 241 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,700 for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box. 242 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:13,400 Wow, that's... 243 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,900 It's a really nice blender. Well, if you love 244 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,400 that blender so much, why don't you just marry it. 245 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,000 I can't. I married you. 246 00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,700 That's how we got the blender. 247 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,100 What's wrong? 248 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,600 Nothing. Nothing's wrong. 249 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:26,400 What could be wrong? 250 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,800 Except that when you die I'm gonna find out 251 00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:31,200 that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity 252 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,800 were "Cancel Vogue." 253 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,700 How can you open my letter? 254 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,800 That was not a letter. 255 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:37,500 It was barely even a text message. 256 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:38,400 Next time you write something 257 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,600 that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme. 258 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,700 Marshall, wait. 259 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,700 This was our first fight as a married couple. 260 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,900 Oh, baby. 261 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000 Oh... Oh. 262 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,500 This is our favorite restaurant in the city. 263 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,400 Yes, I'm sure this is the best 264 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:08,500 of their 57 "spudtacular" east coast locations. 265 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,300 - I'm going to run to the restroom. - I'm gonna go, too. 266 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,900 This is the easiest date ever. 267 00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:20,700 You know what I'm gonna try next? 268 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:21,900 A knock, knock joke. 269 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,000 Easiest? Somehow we have managed 270 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,100 to find the two lamest New Yorkers of all time. 271 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,600 Ted, Ted, Ted. Dude, I am looking at you. 272 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:30,800 What? Right. 273 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:31,700 Stay with me. 274 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:37,300 We are on the cusp of moving from out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers. 275 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,100 Ay-o. 276 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,600 All right, Ignatius, one more hour. Nice. 277 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,700 Nice. Hey, nice. Hey... 278 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,400 Hey, our friends invited us to a party. 279 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,600 You guys want to come along? Knock, knock. 280 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,700 Who's there? Yes, we do. 281 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,200 Quick announcement. 282 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:59,380 I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. 283 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,000 A couple rules... 284 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,100 not even rules. 285 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,600 Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. 286 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000 Guideline for harmonious living 287 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,200 number one-- 288 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:14,100 the kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. 289 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,200 G.F.H.L. 290 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,400 number two-- 291 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:19,300 marijuana is illegal in the United States, 292 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,400 even when baked into a blueberry muffin 293 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:24,400 that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast 294 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:28,100 right before they leave for their job as a TV newscaster. 295 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:33,100 "This just in: look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" 296 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,800 is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. 297 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,900 and Number 3 298 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,700 and number 3 is please keep the noise to a minimum 299 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,200 I have to take a nap. 300 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,200 I'm still pretty baked. 301 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:56,600 Everything's so bright, even at night. 302 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,320 No wonder the city never sleeps. 303 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,700 Hey, if we're going north, 304 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,000 why did we cross over the FDR? 305 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,500 We should have taken the Hudson. 306 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,100 Now he knows all the streets. 307 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:09,365 Someone's been watching too many Steinfeld reruns. 308 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,800 Where are we even going anyway? 309 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:12,500 148th and Brook Avenue. 310 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,000 A hundred-- in the South Bronx at this time of night? 311 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:16,900 We're going to get killed. 312 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,700 Ted, I think these local New Yorkers 313 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,700 know more about the city than we do, so relax. 314 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,300 We're in very capable hands. 315 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,000 There were three of them, at least two guns... 316 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,100 they took all our money. 317 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,175 Well, I only had traveler's checks. 318 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,100 Hey, babe. 319 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,900 I've been thinking about our fight. 320 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,800 Yes? 321 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,600 I'm really, really... 322 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:48,100 surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet. 323 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,300 Wow, you really want to open this up again. 324 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,599 Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, 325 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,700 even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead. 326 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,000 You know that this is important to me. 327 00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,500 Why won't you just write the letter? 328 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,600 Because I can't bear the thought of not being with you, 329 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:06,800 not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter. 330 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,100 Really? 331 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,700 Yes, really. 332 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,400 Plus, I know as soon as I write it, 333 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,400 you're just going to open it up and read it again. 334 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,700 Lily, I won't, I promise. 335 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,400 Okay. 336 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,100 I'll write you a letter for my death folder. 337 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,900 Do you mind, um, maybe slipping 338 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,060 in a little bit of dirty stuff, too? 339 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,700 I tell you what. 340 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,700 How about I make it all dirty stuff 341 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,900 and slip in a little clean stuff? 342 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,900 You're the best. 343 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,295 And maybe a couple of Polaroids? 344 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,300 Come on, let's get out of here. 345 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,500 This night's a disaster. What?! 346 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,900 This night couldn't have gone any better. 347 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,300 We just survived a mugging. 348 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,100 You know what that means. 349 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,300 "Thank God we're alive" sex. 350 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,799 "Thank God we're alive" sex. 351 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:52,200 It's even better 352 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,900 than "I can't believe you just proposed to me" sex, 353 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,600 Ted, please, we are so close. 354 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,500 I've never worked this hard for anything in my life. 355 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,500 Whew! 356 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:09,000 Wow, I think we all need to go back to our place and recover. 357 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,100 Yeah. 358 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,900 I just want to celebrate the fact that we survived. 359 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,199 You know? Mm-hmm. 360 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,100 Me, too. 361 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,399 So where do you live? 362 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,100 What, West Village? Close. 363 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,200 West Orange. 364 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:25,365 - West Orange, New Jersey? - Yeah. 365 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,000 You guys live in New Jersey, not New York? 366 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:29,900 Theodore. Yep. 367 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,500 New Jersey? Teddy. Yeah, but don't worry, 368 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,100 it's pretty much New York. Oh. 369 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,100 No. 370 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,000 Oh, no. 371 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,200 Oh, no. New Jersey is not "pretty much New York." 372 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,399 You are not "pretty much new yorkers." 373 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,100 And how would you know? Because I live here. 374 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,900 That's right, I live here. 375 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,400 Yes, we're full of crap. 376 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,500 Yes, we pretended to be from out of town 377 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,000 so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. 378 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,900 But you know what's even worse than that? 379 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,700 Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. 380 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,300 Because this is the greatest city in the world 381 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,500 and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. 382 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:05,600 So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel 383 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:08,800 and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? 384 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:11,999 Because I will do a lot to get laid, 385 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,000 but I am not going to New Jersey! 386 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,800 You're not from Missouri? 387 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:28,000 Well, I will be a monkey's unc... 388 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:28,900 Ew. Right. 389 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000 Can we get a ride? 390 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,300 Hey, um, sir, 391 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,000 can we get a ride, too? 392 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,400 Newark, born and raised. 393 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,180 Can you please keep it down? 394 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,200 What happened to you, man? 395 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,400 You said you wouldn't change, but look at you. 396 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:03,500 No more tan, no more beaded braids, 397 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,400 no more lush, 398 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:08,200 untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. 399 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:09,900 You're back at work. 400 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,300 What gives? 401 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,200 Well, I have to have a job. 402 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,799 "I have to have a job." 403 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,500 God, that's so American. 404 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,895 I'm Canadian. You know that. 405 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:24,000 What about the important things like making your own jewelry 406 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,500 and lying on the beach 407 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,725 and thinking about peace? 408 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:31,900 God, don't you care about thinking about peace? 409 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,800 Wow. 410 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,500 I just realized something. 411 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,000 That you've lost your way. 412 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,800 No, that you really suck. 413 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,200 You're boring and lame 414 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,100 and you're getting sand everywhere. 415 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,100 Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? 416 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,300 You're not the real me. 417 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,899 All you are is me on vacation 418 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,600 trying to get away from a break-up. 419 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,700 Don't you remember Argentina? 420 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:01,510 Don't you want to go back? 421 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:02,700 What are you doing? 422 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,700 Shh... 423 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,100 Let this happen. 424 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,640 All right, everyone out. 425 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,400 I said everyone out! 426 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,200 All right, we're leaving, we're leaving, okay. 427 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,500 Michael Moore was so right about Americans. 428 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,600 I'm Canadian! 429 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,600 Robin, you okay? 430 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,700 No, I'm not. 431 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,000 Listen, Gael, I need to talk to you about something. 432 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:02,500 After they broke up, Robin went back to being Robin. 433 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,100 Welcome home, Scherbatsky. 434 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,400 Oh, good to be back. 435 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,500 Although it's weird. 436 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,700 Vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night. 437 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:11,900 Listening. 438 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,100 This time we went all the way. 439 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,100 Tell you one thing. 440 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:20,800 She made me sandy but that's what I like 441 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,100 Okay, I'm done. 442 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,500 But I really don't want you reading this unless... 443 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,980 you know, something happens. 444 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,100 Can you swear to me you won't open it? 445 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,410 Totally. What does it say? 446 00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:39,900 Marshall, I'm serious. 447 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,500 Okay. 448 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,900 I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead. 449 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,200 Okay. 450 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,900 And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, 451 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,125 Marshall kept his promise 452 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:55,000 until November 1 of last year when, sadly... 453 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,800 "Busted! I knew you'd read this. 454 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:15,045 You suck, Marshall, you totally suck." 455 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,300 That's it? 456 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,300 I suck? 457 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,200 Lily. Yes, you suck. 458 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,500 You said you wouldn't read it 459 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,800 and you did. Well, you didn't keep your promise either. 460 00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:28,600 I don't see any dirty pictures in here. 461 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:29,300 Oh, fine, 462 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,700 I'll take the dirty pictures. 463 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,800 I don't want 'em now. 464 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,400 What is that supposed to mean? 465 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,100 What?! 466 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,200 Nothing. 467 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:37,900 nothing. 468 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,000 You're beautiful. 469 00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:42,625 I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look?