1 00:00:00,450 --> 00:00:04,355 Kids I know you think you have ever heard of a story 2 00:00:04,850 --> 00:00:08,100 but there is some stories you tell and some stories you don't 3 00:00:08,740 --> 00:00:11,200 Oh, my God!... 4 00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,005 - Oh, my God... - Use your words, Ted. 5 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,140 - Okay. Barney, I'm about to go for the belt. - The belt? 6 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:20,360 - The belt. - But that's impossible 7 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,300 Yes! 8 00:00:25,405 --> 00:00:28,595 - Advantage-- Ericksen. - Don't get cocky. 9 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,090 - Wimbledon lasts a fortnight. - "Fortnight." 10 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:35,225 - British words are so cool. - Plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? 11 00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:38,035 All right. We're ready. Let's hit it. 12 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,200 We can't go. Tournament. 13 00:00:39,204 --> 00:00:40,950 What? We agreed. I suited up... 14 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,220 You take too long to get ready 15 00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:45,300 What are you talking about? I got the low maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look. 16 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:49,785 Yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve. 17 00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:50,940 And then he starts on his hair. 18 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,290 Ace! 19 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,440 - Look, are we going or not? - Just go without us. 20 00:00:55,507 --> 00:00:56,180 We'll be there in five minutes. 21 00:00:56,373 --> 00:00:57,507 Really? 22 00:00:57,572 --> 00:00:59,006 - Yes! Yes! - All right, 23 00:00:59,073 --> 00:01:00,115 I'm going down to the bar. 24 00:01:00,116 --> 00:01:01,215 I'm ordering three beers. I'll see you guys in 25 00:01:01,216 --> 00:01:03,082 five minutes. Three beers, 26 00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:04,782 five minutes. 27 00:01:06,449 --> 00:01:08,015 Thanks for lending me these boots. 28 00:01:08,082 --> 00:01:09,095 Where'd you get them from? 29 00:01:09,516 --> 00:01:11,816 This store in the Village had one of those crazy sales. 30 00:01:11,883 --> 00:01:13,820 It was a footwear feeding frenzy. 31 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,030 I saw it first! 32 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,550 You just made the list, bitch! 33 00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:22,655 So many questions. 34 00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:24,310 Firstly, what do you think would happen 35 00:01:24,315 --> 00:01:26,465 if a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots? 36 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,840 You look fantastic in them, Robin. 37 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:32,430 But don't you think they're a little high for that dress? 38 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,674 Well, that's the point: it's to hide that fact 39 00:01:33,741 --> 00:01:35,041 that I haven't shaved my legs. 40 00:01:35,108 --> 00:01:37,008 I've begun a strict no-shave policy 41 00:01:37,074 --> 00:01:38,174 for the first three dates. 42 00:01:38,241 --> 00:01:39,540 It's all about self-control. 43 00:01:39,607 --> 00:01:41,790 If I don't shave, I must behave. 44 00:01:42,174 --> 00:01:43,841 FYI:It doesn't matter, baby. 45 00:01:43,908 --> 00:01:45,308 Guys just want to get on the green. 46 00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:46,840 They don't mind going through the rough. 47 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:48,580 Shh-clackey! 48 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:51,300 Stinson. 49 00:01:51,550 --> 00:01:52,770 All right, the beers are here. 50 00:01:53,216 --> 00:01:54,045 Yeah, we're not going to make it. 51 00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:56,016 Oh, come on! We agreed... 52 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,735 Did Marshall take his pants off? 53 00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:58,839 Yeah, pants are off. 54 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:03,060 I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide. 55 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,100 Cheerio! 56 00:02:05,380 --> 00:02:06,205 Fine. 57 00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:07,820 I don't need friends. 58 00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:09,000 I got you guys. 59 00:02:09,005 --> 00:02:10,960 You guys are my friends, 60 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,880 my cold refreshing friends. 61 00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:14,815 I'm talking to beer. 62 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:17,925 Ted? Trudy. 63 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,425 Trudy. 64 00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:23,090 Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since... 65 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,895 I slept with you and then climbed down the fire escape. 66 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,355 That was you? 67 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,240 I'm kidding. I was super-wasted. 68 00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,350 These are not all for me. 69 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,355 No, I was going to call you, but I was so embarrassed. 70 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,580 You were embarrassed? 71 00:02:39,585 --> 00:02:40,852 I was like, "I really like this guy, 72 00:02:40,918 --> 00:02:42,218 "and now I'm climbing out his window, 73 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,355 and I forgot my underwear..." 74 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:45,600 Those were yours? 75 00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:47,305 God, I thought they felt kind of tight. 76 00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:48,975 I'm kidding. I don't wear underwear. 77 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,420 Ladies' underwear. 78 00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:51,700 Often. 79 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,130 Ah! Again, I'm kidding. 80 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:55,950 I'm so glad I ran into you. 81 00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,060 I know. Do you want to...? Trudy?! 82 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,900 No way! 83 00:02:59,905 --> 00:03:01,138 Oh, my God! Rachel, how are you? 84 00:03:04,138 --> 00:03:05,500 Ted, this is Rachel. 85 00:03:05,505 --> 00:03:06,949 Hi! 86 00:03:06,950 --> 00:03:09,025 Kappa Epsilon Gamma! Kappa Epsilon Gamma! 87 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:09,925 Whoo! Whoo! 88 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,845 Wait, let me guess. You guys met in prison. 89 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:16,535 No! We were sorority sisters. 90 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:18,773 And best friends forever all sophomore year. 91 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,539 When we weren't at each other's throats. 92 00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:21,974 We could be so competitive. 93 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,915 Uh, but that's all behind us now. 94 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,980 Hey, mista! Hey, mista! 95 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,900 Stay away from my sista! Stay away from my sista! 96 00:03:27,905 --> 00:03:29,200 Whoo! Whoo! 97 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:31,350 We have so much catching up to do. 98 00:03:31,355 --> 00:03:32,722 Okay. Are you going to Stacey's wedding? 99 00:03:32,725 --> 00:03:34,391 Oh, it's off. Apparently, he's into dudes. 100 00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,525 Nah! Again?! That's like her third one. 101 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,550 I know! 102 00:03:38,705 --> 00:03:40,185 Well, beers, what do you want to do? 103 00:03:40,238 --> 00:03:41,500 We could stay here... 104 00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:43,745 or I know this other place called "My Belly." 105 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,890 So, Trudy and I got a table. 106 00:03:46,117 --> 00:03:47,583 Oh, that's cool. I was going to get out of here anyway. 107 00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:48,560 I'm really tired. 108 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:50,505 I want you to stay. 109 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:53,375 Tired of people who fold early, 'cause I am wide awake! 110 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,975 Okay, guys... be cool. 111 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,600 Aah! 112 00:04:15,605 --> 00:04:16,871 You've been vanquished, old bean. 113 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,800 That's 'cause you distracted me. 114 00:04:18,805 --> 00:04:21,585 You've been hanging crumpet ever since the third set. 115 00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:26,338 Ah... Stinson. 116 00:04:26,339 --> 00:04:28,270 I've got a situation. 117 00:04:28,373 --> 00:04:31,425 Trudy is here-- you know, from the pineapple incident? 118 00:04:31,506 --> 00:04:33,372 Oh, you mean the girl that chalked your pool cue 119 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,810 and then snuck down the fire escape? 120 00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:36,070 Respect. 121 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,640 So, we're hitting it off and then her friend shows up 122 00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:40,150 and they're kind of competitive. 123 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,635 HJI think the new girl's kind of into me. 124 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,565 So you now have two on the line? 125 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,955 And I don't know which one to go for. 126 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,250 Go for the new girl! 127 00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:49,270 Given the choice, always party with Dr. Strangelove. 128 00:04:49,554 --> 00:04:50,540 New girl? What new girl? 129 00:04:51,055 --> 00:04:52,540 Two girls are allegedly vying 130 00:04:52,545 --> 00:04:54,125 for Ted's affections, and I think... 131 00:04:54,130 --> 00:04:55,585 Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. 132 00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:56,500 Give it to me. 133 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,585 Are they friends? 134 00:04:57,590 --> 00:05:00,100 Yeah. Uh, no-- I-I don't know. They're old sorority sisters. 135 00:05:00,105 --> 00:05:01,100 Are they Betas? 136 00:05:01,105 --> 00:05:03,039 Because they're all sluts, and you can tell them right now 137 00:05:03,105 --> 00:05:05,165 I didn't want to be in their sorority anyway. 138 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,465 They're Kappas, and... 139 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:08,955 I think I can score with one of them. 140 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,000 I don't know which one, 141 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:11,565 and if I chose wrong, I lose them both. 142 00:05:11,639 --> 00:05:12,750 Okay, well, don't worry. 143 00:05:12,755 --> 00:05:14,555 I'll-I'll come down and help you figure it out. 144 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,425 I thought we were in for the evening? 145 00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:19,867 That's what I thought about your bangers and mash down there, 146 00:05:19,896 --> 00:05:21,650 but I guess we're both wrong, guv'na. 147 00:05:24,329 --> 00:05:25,685 Hey. Oh, Ted. Okay... 148 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,700 Settle an argument. Mm-hmm. 149 00:05:27,705 --> 00:05:29,870 Is it stealing if you go out with someone's boyfriend 150 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,285 after they've broken up? 151 00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:33,250 Well, that's very complicated... 152 00:05:33,255 --> 00:05:34,840 See?! He agrees with me. 153 00:05:34,845 --> 00:05:36,570 You're such a little man-thief. 154 00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,380 You're the man-thief, man-thief. 155 00:05:38,385 --> 00:05:40,405 Oh, somebody should lock you girls up. 156 00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:43,880 You're so funny. 157 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,180 I think Ted is funny. 158 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:50,700 Really? I think Ted is hilarious. 159 00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:53,170 I am never not wearing a suit again. 160 00:05:53,652 --> 00:05:54,425 Hello? 161 00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,600 It's me. I'm at the bar. 162 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:56,970 Don't look. Just call me "Mom." 163 00:05:56,971 --> 00:06:00,404 Uh, hey, Mom. How's Dad's... colon? 164 00:06:00,405 --> 00:06:02,540 What? What's the matter with you? 165 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:06,305 Anyway, both of these girls are into you; take your pick. 166 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:08,610 They are? Are you sure? Yes, of course. 167 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:10,686 They're playing with their hair and touching your arm. 168 00:06:10,687 --> 00:06:11,985 Classic green light. 169 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:13,675 Are you positive? 170 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,255 Oh, that is so fascinating. 171 00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:18,255 So what happened? 172 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,780 Well, after 18 hours of surgery, 173 00:06:19,785 --> 00:06:20,800 I closed, and, thankfully, 174 00:06:20,805 --> 00:06:22,871 both girls just celebrated their second birthday. 175 00:06:22,872 --> 00:06:26,372 Wow. Gosh, separating conjoined twins, 176 00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:29,155 that must be the most amazing feeling. 177 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,032 True, but now the parents don't know what to do 178 00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:33,330 with their huge supply of four-legged overalls. 179 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,499 That is so funny. 180 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,050 You're so funny. 181 00:06:39,220 --> 00:06:41,470 Positive. They both want you bad. 182 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,990 It's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby. 183 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,700 Oh, it's Robin. Good luck. 184 00:06:47,705 --> 00:06:48,300 Bye, Mom. 185 00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:50,435 That's my mom. 186 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:51,850 Hello? 187 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:52,725 Bring me a razor. 188 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,532 What about the no-shave rule? 189 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,075 What happened to your convictions? 190 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,230 They've been surgically removed by Dr. Awesome. 191 00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:00,880 No, I'm not doing it. 192 00:07:00,885 --> 00:07:02,564 The whole point to not shaving was to... 193 00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:04,164 Lily, please! He's really cute, 194 00:07:04,165 --> 00:07:06,600 and I really like him, and he's got a British accent. 195 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:07,565 I'm on my way. 196 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,900 So this college boyfriend, who won him? 197 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,200 Neither of us. 198 00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:15,225 He left. Junior year abroad. 199 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,285 It's really too bad, 'cause... 200 00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:21,460 there was that one thing we wanted to do. 201 00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,032 We were going to do... 202 00:07:23,033 --> 00:07:24,800 but we never did. 203 00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:27,943 Why? Wait, what were you guys going to do but never did? 204 00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:29,210 No, it's too embarrassing. 205 00:07:29,276 --> 00:07:30,599 You tell him. No, you tell him. 206 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,732 No, I don't care if you don't care. 207 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:32,666 Well, I don't care. I just... 208 00:07:32,732 --> 00:07:34,785 Nobody cares! Just say it. 209 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,830 Why don't we tell him together. 210 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:38,770 Okay. 211 00:07:39,466 --> 00:07:40,875 On three. 212 00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:42,680 One... 213 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,590 Well, he's right: it's a dead heat. 214 00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:46,480 ...two... 215 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:47,699 Neither one is giving ground. 216 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,420 I could not tell who was the third wheel. 217 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,033 ...three. 218 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,765 It's a tricycle. 219 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,833 No way, no way, no way! 220 00:07:54,835 --> 00:07:55,460 What's happening? 221 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:57,750 It's a tricycle. 222 00:07:57,754 --> 00:07:59,330 No way, no way, no way. 223 00:07:59,654 --> 00:08:00,655 It's a tricycle. 224 00:08:00,887 --> 00:08:02,099 Well, I'll just say it right now. 225 00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,990 All sorority girls are sluts. 226 00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:05,390 Put him on speaker. 227 00:08:05,935 --> 00:08:07,650 So what you're saying to us right now 228 00:08:07,651 --> 00:08:09,485 is that you have a shot at the belt? 229 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:10,998 Wait-wait-wait. What belt? 230 00:08:10,999 --> 00:08:12,566 Ho Well, Barney and I have 231 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:14,166 this running joke that the first guy to actually pull this off 232 00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,999 would "win" the championship belt. 233 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,000 Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right? 234 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:20,795 Behold... 235 00:08:22,550 --> 00:08:23,990 You actually bought a belt. 236 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,645 That's right. It's resplendent. 237 00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:28,480 Come on, it was just a thing we said. 238 00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:29,550 We were kidding around. 239 00:08:29,555 --> 00:08:30,515 I never kid. 240 00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,100 Remember you said if I ever slept with that girl 241 00:08:32,104 --> 00:08:33,565 from Days of Our Lives, I'd be the king? 242 00:08:33,738 --> 00:08:34,750 Well... 243 00:08:39,237 --> 00:08:40,905 Why wasn't I told about the belt? 244 00:08:40,971 --> 00:08:42,070 I could go for the belt. 245 00:08:45,570 --> 00:08:49,085 If Lily would've died before me, then I could ride the tricycle. 246 00:08:49,169 --> 00:08:52,335 If I died, I would just come back and haunt your penis. 247 00:08:52,336 --> 00:08:54,335 Guys, come on! Help me out. What do I do? 248 00:08:54,336 --> 00:08:57,168 All right, Ted, if you're going to go for the belt, 249 00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,650 then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions: 250 00:08:59,655 --> 00:09:03,060 One: Is the aggregate age of all participants under 83? 251 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,070 Yes. 252 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,165 Two: Is the aggregate weight of all participants 253 00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:07,832 under 400 pounds? 254 00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:08,770 Yes. 255 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:10,540 Theodore Mosby... 256 00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,566 are you paying these women? 257 00:09:12,567 --> 00:09:14,115 What? No. 258 00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:16,155 Ted... 259 00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:17,417 No. Look, I got to go. They're going to think 260 00:09:17,483 --> 00:09:20,220 I inherited my dad's imaginary bathroom issues. 261 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,355 Oh, are you guys leaving? 262 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,535 Well, it is getting pretty late. 263 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,679 Right. Well, well, it's been... 264 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,546 Maybe we could all go listen to that Wilco CD 265 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,740 you talked about before. 266 00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:36,446 Great! I have it right upstairs. 267 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,655 It's in my apartment upstairs. Let's go upstairs. 268 00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,195 I'm sorry. Where was your apartment again? 269 00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:43,200 Ha, that's funny. I love that. 270 00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:45,495 You should tell more jokes in my apartment upstairs. 271 00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:52,926 Scenario #12: We're in a horrific car crash. 272 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,860 You die. I'm left paralyzed. 273 00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:57,460 Two sexy nurses, with a six-pack of wine coolers, 274 00:09:57,527 --> 00:09:58,659 sneak into my room late at night. 275 00:09:58,660 --> 00:10:01,000 I try to blink at them in Morse code. 276 00:10:01,026 --> 00:10:05,010 "Please, don't. I love my dead wife." 277 00:10:05,026 --> 00:10:06,460 But they're medical professionals, 278 00:10:06,527 --> 00:10:09,080 and I got to think, somehow, they're saving my life. 279 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,659 Fine. Sleep with your nurses. 280 00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:13,480 Tonight you ride the unicycle. 281 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,420 I already did this morning. 282 00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:19,500 Hello. 283 00:10:19,505 --> 00:10:22,505 Lily, I have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. 284 00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:23,905 Pretty soon, I won't have to shave-- 285 00:10:23,972 --> 00:10:26,325 the hair is going to vibrate off my legs. 286 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:28,110 I'm sorry, I can't leave now. 287 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,750 Lily, he can't see my legs like this. 288 00:10:29,768 --> 00:10:31,485 I look like a Turkish lesbian. 289 00:10:32,901 --> 00:10:35,701 There's, um, a pharmacy across the street. 290 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:37,135 Would 20 bucks buy me a razor? 291 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,350 No, but 50 will. 292 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,665 Hold on. Ted's texting me. 293 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,150 "We're combing up-sars." 294 00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,599 "Combing up-sars." What does that mean? 295 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,760 It means they're coming upstairs. 296 00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,301 Got 'em. 297 00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:04,880 Ooh! Nice place. 298 00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:06,867 Hey, are these your roommates? 299 00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:09,520 Yes. Uh, yes, but they are not here. 300 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,110 They are somewhere else. 301 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,700 We have total privacy 302 00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:16,730 because privacy is essential when you're listening to music. 303 00:11:17,645 --> 00:11:20,320 You know what else is essential when you're listening to music? 304 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,815 Music. 305 00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:24,566 That's hilarious. 306 00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:25,765 You are hilarious! 307 00:11:25,899 --> 00:11:27,266 I'll go get it in my bedroom. 308 00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:28,485 The CD's in my bedroom. 309 00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:29,859 Bedroom... 310 00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:32,170 Okay. We'll try and stay out of trouble. 311 00:11:32,327 --> 00:11:33,815 Of course, we can't promise anything. 312 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,550 This is going to be awesome. 313 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,210 No! 314 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,500 What are you guys doing here? 315 00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:50,642 We know, Ted, well done. 316 00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,043 This is very impressive. 317 00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:53,876 Up top. Yeah, bro, up top. 318 00:11:53,943 --> 00:11:55,243 Oh, don't be gross. 319 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:56,899 You guys need to get out of here. 320 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,700 Please, take the fire escape. 321 00:11:58,766 --> 00:11:59,665 No, no way. 322 00:11:59,770 --> 00:12:01,550 The other day I saw a pigeon take a crap on it 323 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,575 and the whole thing shifted. 324 00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:06,050 Oh, you can use our bedroom. 325 00:12:06,155 --> 00:12:07,655 Okay, all I need to seal the deal 326 00:12:07,722 --> 00:12:09,210 is the Wilco CD, Barney. 327 00:12:14,121 --> 00:12:14,889 What are you doing?! 328 00:12:14,954 --> 00:12:17,088 allow Ted to do this. 329 00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:18,310 Wh-what? Why? 330 00:12:18,315 --> 00:12:20,147 Because the belt is my birthright! 331 00:12:20,148 --> 00:12:21,582 You cannot claim it before I do. 332 00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:24,415 That would be like Jimmy Olsen capturing Lex Luthor 333 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,915 while Superman watches impotently from the bedroom. 334 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,410 But, Barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than Ted. 335 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,005 You're disgusting. 336 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,575 I've never ridden the tricycle. 337 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,433 I was on the verge last year. 338 00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:37,767 I was so close. 339 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,900 So ladies, why don't we move this party 340 00:12:42,905 --> 00:12:45,280 to a more horizontal location? 341 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,005 Oh, my God, my new carpet! 342 00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:49,310 Oh, my God, this is a disaster. 343 00:12:49,315 --> 00:12:50,881 You get the carpet cleaner. I'll get a towel. 344 00:12:50,885 --> 00:12:52,252 Okay. I'll get the video camera. 345 00:12:52,317 --> 00:12:54,060 Get out! Okay then. 346 00:12:54,551 --> 00:12:55,784 So let me get this straight. 347 00:12:55,785 --> 00:12:57,383 You're going to trike-block me? 348 00:12:57,384 --> 00:13:00,080 That is so petty. It's like you're... 349 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,550 Tom Petty. Tom Petty. 350 00:13:02,555 --> 00:13:03,654 You're Tom Petty. 351 00:13:03,655 --> 00:13:04,825 Where's Lily? 352 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:09,900 Still looking for that CD, 353 00:13:10,150 --> 00:13:12,132 so... 354 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,284 What are you doing? 355 00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:17,153 I knew it. I had a hunch about that girl 356 00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:18,320 and I was right. 357 00:13:18,452 --> 00:13:20,970 I saw it first! 358 00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:24,575 You just made the list, bitch. 359 00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:28,665 I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. 360 00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,696 She should be punished, not rewarded. 361 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,167 Fine, then I'll try to work in a little light spanking. Just do this for me! 362 00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:34,230 No, never. 363 00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:36,182 What if I reimburse you for the boots, full retail? 364 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,390 - Please enjoy our bedroom. - Great. 365 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:39,490 Just take it. 366 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,290 Okay, wish me luck. 367 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,033 Oh, my God. It looks fine. 368 00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,120 You're such a girl. 369 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,233 Where's the shaving cream? 370 00:13:54,235 --> 00:13:55,565 Well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream. 371 00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:56,750 Well, it was implied. 372 00:13:56,755 --> 00:13:58,489 Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream? 373 00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:00,235 Well, who doesn't shave their legs for a date? 374 00:14:00,322 --> 00:14:02,400 Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude? 375 00:14:02,405 --> 00:14:03,805 Well, here's a little tip for you: 376 00:14:03,872 --> 00:14:06,645 shave your legs before you leave the house, Sasquatch. 377 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:13,272 Hey, Robin, um, the valet's brought the car around. 378 00:14:13,274 --> 00:14:14,590 I thought we'd go to my place, 379 00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:16,499 if you're in the mood for a nightcap. 380 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,640 Absolutely. I just have to go to the ladies' room. 381 00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:20,780 I've got TB. 382 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,040 Tiny bladder. 383 00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:25,150 I'll meet you out front. 384 00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:26,100 Yeah. 385 00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:41,960 You've got to be kidding me. 386 00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:46,680 Excuse me. Sorry. 387 00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:08,625 So, I'm having a little trouble finding the CD. 388 00:15:09,249 --> 00:15:10,925 That's okay. 389 00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:14,500 We don't need music to have fun. 390 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:15,925 Exactly. 391 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:20,000 You do like to have fun, don't you, Ted? 392 00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,410 It's getting late. I'll get your coats. 393 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,100 "I'll get your coats"?! 394 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,772 I don't know why I said that. Why'd I say that? 395 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,105 It's the opposite of what I meant. 396 00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:43,035 I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on. 397 00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:46,125 Ted, you're ruining this for everyone. 398 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:47,595 Leave him alone! 399 00:15:48,535 --> 00:15:49,550 Sometimes even 400 00:15:49,555 --> 00:15:51,700 the greatest warriors shoot themselves in the foot. 401 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,685 What are you talking about? 402 00:15:54,032 --> 00:15:57,667 If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction 403 00:15:57,670 --> 00:15:59,730 that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night. 404 00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:02,070 So, Barney, why don't we 405 00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:05,430 take this party to a more horizontal location? 406 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,020 Oh, no, the night's ruined! 407 00:16:20,025 --> 00:16:21,000 No, baby, it's not. 408 00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:23,500 Yes, it ! Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. 409 00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:24,390 Where's my coat? 410 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,836 Why would you do that to yourself? 411 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,345 Because you get up in your head, man. 412 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:31,274 You start thinking, 413 00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:33,275 "I can't do this. It's two women." 414 00:16:33,341 --> 00:16:35,349 That's two of everything, four of some things. 415 00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:38,440 The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me. 416 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,805 See, if a complete degenerate like Barney choked, 417 00:16:40,806 --> 00:16:42,250 what chance do I have? 418 00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,130 The best chance in the world. 419 00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,435 Fear took the belt from me. 420 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,785 Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends. 421 00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:56,490 But fear will not get a second turn. 422 00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:58,935 - It won't? - No. 423 00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:03,055 Because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt. 424 00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:06,874 It is my destiny to help my friend win it. 425 00:17:07,841 --> 00:17:10,885 Ted is fated to go there first. 426 00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:13,995 He is our Neil Armstrong. 427 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,708 Spacesuit up, Ted, 428 00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:17,799 'cause you're going to the moon. 429 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,725 Step one. 430 00:17:21,943 --> 00:17:23,040 Ladies. 431 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:24,644 I couldn't find your coats, 432 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:26,917 but I did find... tequila. 433 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,785 Wait, wait, wait, a remote control fireplace? 434 00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:33,685 We don't have a remote control fireplace. 435 00:17:33,717 --> 00:17:35,300 Right, that's my apartment. 436 00:17:35,317 --> 00:17:36,700 The dressing gown's mine, too. 437 00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:37,940 Damn, this should be me. 438 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,200 Anyway, continuing... 439 00:17:42,016 --> 00:17:44,016 Whew! 440 00:17:45,684 --> 00:17:48,283 I am so exhausted. 441 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,505 So exhausted. 442 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,695 Wait, why would I want to tire them out? 443 00:17:53,850 --> 00:17:56,197 That's your excuse to unleash pretext 444 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,710 for physical contact #1. 445 00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:04,435 Oh, you give the most amazing foot massage. 446 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,600 That's 'cause I used to practice 447 00:18:06,604 --> 00:18:08,455 all the time on my grandmother. 448 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,265 Why in God's name would I say that? 449 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,085 It's endearing. You're a caregiver. 450 00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,420 Never take family values out of the equation. 451 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:16,220 Step three. 452 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,233 Ted, what's wrong? 453 00:18:20,235 --> 00:18:23,975 I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once 454 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,355 about something called a super volcano. 455 00:18:28,637 --> 00:18:29,900 Okay, what the hell? 456 00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:30,775 Wait for it. 457 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,795 It can happen at any time. 458 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,730 And obliterate all life on Earth, 459 00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:38,905 which is why I live by three simple words. 460 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,000 Don't postpone joy. 461 00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:46,395 Oh, my God. 462 00:18:47,268 --> 00:18:48,820 That's so true. 463 00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:50,370 Yeah. 464 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,290 The mortality angle. 465 00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:56,675 That's actually pretty good. 466 00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,560 - I can do this. - Yes, you can. 467 00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:02,816 Yeah. I can't believe I'm going to say this, 468 00:19:02,883 --> 00:19:04,448 but I'm actually moved. 469 00:19:04,449 --> 00:19:05,640 Bring it in, guys. 470 00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:11,355 All right. 471 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,355 I'll see you on the other side. 472 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,710 So what happened next? Did you do it? 473 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,195 It doesn't seem right to talk about it. 474 00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:55,760 What? No! Tell me. 475 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,225 Don't tell me because you don't have to 476 00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:00,490 because you didn't do it. 477 00:20:01,396 --> 00:20:03,195 You didn't do it. You did it. 478 00:20:03,196 --> 00:20:04,662 You did it, didn't you? 479 00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:05,725 Did you? 480 00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:07,400 You didn't do it. 481 00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:09,216 Yes, you did. You did. 482 00:20:09,283 --> 00:20:10,283 No, you didn't. 483 00:20:10,349 --> 00:20:11,310 Tell me! 484 00:20:12,283 --> 00:20:14,600 Some stories you tell, some stories you don't. 485 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,590 That's because you didn't do it. 486 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:19,140 He didn't do it. 487 00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:21,483 You did it You did it, didn't you? 488 00:20:21,484 --> 00:20:22,730 You did it. Tell me, did you? 489 00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,700 Ted, belt. Did you? 490 00:20:24,703 --> 00:20:25,830 Did you or didn't you? 491 00:20:25,870 --> 00:20:26,905 Did? 492 00:20:27,337 --> 00:20:29,075 Tell me, please. For the love... 493 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:30,415 Do you know if he did or didn't? 494 00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:33,500 Oh, hey, um, Hmm? 495 00:20:33,505 --> 00:20:35,235 Would you go in there and see if my date's okay? 496 00:20:36,015 --> 00:20:36,980 No problem. 497 00:20:37,047 --> 00:20:37,640 Thank you. 498 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:49,520 No, nobody's in there, but the window's actually open. 499 00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:51,900 I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. 500 00:20:51,904 --> 00:20:53,770 I mean, she was acting weird all night, right? 501 00:20:53,775 --> 00:20:55,960 Yeah, you know... 502 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,560 why don't I buy you a drink? 503 00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:00,545 Okay. 504 00:21:01,270 --> 00:21:03,245 Did I overhear that you're a surgeon? 505 00:21:03,537 --> 00:21:05,020 Guilty as charged. 506 00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:07,255 Oh, you're so funny. 507 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,000 I'm here! 508 00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:11,386 I'm fine! 509 00:21:12,033 --> 00:21:13,485 My head is bleeding. 510 00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,055 Going down again.