1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,600
It was quiet in November afternoon in 2007.
2
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:05,800
I was working from home,
3
00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,000
because, you know,no distractions.
4
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,900
- This is incredible!
- Oh, my God!
5
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:11,000
I can't believe it!
6
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,500
- I have big news.
- Oh, my God!
7
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:13,400
Okay, my thing's
pretty huge.
8
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,900
- But fine, you can go first.
- Okay,
9
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:18,100
- I just.....
- I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!
10
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,800
What are you...,
what are talking about?
11
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,600
I'm talking about Welcome
to the Sex Plane,
12
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,900
and look who plays
the navigator,
13
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,300
Ted Mosby.
14
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,000
Whoa.
15
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,700
It's the same exact spelling
as my name.
16
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:32,800
Okay, you know,
17
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,200
cute coincidence, Barney.
Whatever.
18
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,300
I just got off the phone
with the NR...
19
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:39,300
Oh, my God,
this totally explains the thing
20
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:40,700
at my doctor's the other day.
21
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:41,900
Open wide.
22
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,900
I guess you're more used
to say that
23
00:00:43,900 --> 00:00:47,900
than hearing it,
huh, Ted Mosby?
24
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:49,700
Who is this guy?
25
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:52,100
And why's my doctor
watching porn?
26
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,900
All right, let's meet
your new doppelganger.
27
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:57,000
Or should I say doppelbanger?
28
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:57,400
Oh.
29
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,300
Guys, guys, guys!
30
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,800
Can I tell my news?
31
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,000
- It's pretty...
- This is really bizarre.
32
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,000
The only other famous Mosby I know
was a Confederate general during the Civil War.
33
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,500
Probably not the same guy.
34
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,100
I got the job
at the NRDC!
35
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:12,000
You got the job!
Oh!ah
36
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,900
The NRDC,a nature resources defense counsel
37
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,100
fought to preserve America's clean water,
38
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,200
fresh air and
pristine wilderness.
39
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,100
It was Marshall's dream job.
40
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,700
- Congrats, buddy!
- Thanks.
41
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,400
It's kind of weird hugging
with porn on.
42
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,300
Yeah, it really is.
43
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,600
- Oh!
- Hey, hey-o!
44
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,300
New guy entering the cockpit.
45
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,800
Could it be the navigator,
Ted Mosby?
46
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:32,700
Uh... no.
47
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,700
Navigators have three
stripes on their hats.
48
00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:37,200
Captains have four.
The guy's a captain.
49
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,500
Yeah I'm sure
complete accuracy
50
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:42,600
in all those details was very
important to the directors...
51
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,500
"Dirt and Skank,
The Raunch Brothers."
52
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,500
Baby, I have some
exciting news!
53
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,500
I hope it's not that you just
won some sort of race here.
54
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,100
I got the job
at the NRDC!
55
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:59,500
And I found a porno
starring Ted Mosby!
56
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,600
Oh my God,
that's amazing!
57
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,500
I know, right?
58
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,200
Oh, congratulations,
Marshall!
59
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,800
Congratulations to us all!
60
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,400
Oh, let's go
celebrate!
61
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,000
The fact that I found a porno
starring a guy named Ted Mosby--
62
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:10,700
let's do it!
63
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:12,900
Oh, is that him?
64
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,700
'Cause that Ted Mosby
really knows what he's doing.
65
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:16,700
No, that's not him.
66
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:18,200
What do you mean,
67
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,700
"that" Ted Mosby really knows
what he's doing.
68
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:21,600
Oh, no.
69
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,200
No, I meant, that
Ted Mosby,
70
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,600
he really knows
what he's doing.
71
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,600
Like all Ted Mosbys.
72
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,100
Wow, NRDC!
73
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,300
Way to go, Marshall.
74
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:34,200
But you're still gonna go to your job
interview today, right, baby?
75
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,600
Marshall had an interview
at a firm called Nicholson,Hewitt and West.
76
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,200
They represented well
pretty much everybody
77
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,100
Marshall was going to
sue once he started at the NRDC.
78
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:45,900
I'm not doing that interview.
Those people are evil.
79
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:48,900
Marshall, your dad went through
a lot of trouble to set this up.
80
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:50,900
You can't just pull out
at the last second.
81
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,100
Apparently you can.
82
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,500
Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat!
Three stripes!
83
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:59,300
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
Ted Mosby, porn star.
84
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,500
- Oh. Wow.
- whoa!
85
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,000
I know what kind
of plane this is.
86
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,400
It's a "Boing."
87
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,100
See.
88
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:09,200
This is way better
than Marshall's internship.
89
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,200
It's a real job.
90
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,000
Who is this guy?
91
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,300
Are we related?
92
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,500
Do, do I look like him?
93
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,300
Um...
94
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,000
It's hard to tell.
95
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,200
Go, go like this.
96
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,400
Oh, yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.
97
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,500
More around the eyes.
Oh, I do see that.
98
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,300
And here's your water,
in case you're dehydrated,
99
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:43,000
Ted Mosby.
100
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,100
Very funny, Wendy.
101
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,900
Now we know
you watch porn.
102
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,100
This Ted Mosby must
be getting kind of famous.
103
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:51,100
Mm.
You're not wrong.
104
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,400
According to
the Web site,
105
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,500
of the far superior
Ted Mosby...
106
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,400
..been in the business
three months,
107
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,500
and he's made
125 movies.
108
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,500
Wow.
109
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,600
That's 42 movies
a month.
110
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,600
Who is he, Jude Law?
111
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,500
Right?
112
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,000
He makes a lot
of movies.
113
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:09,900
I mean,
114
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,000
not so much lately,
115
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,200
but maybe, like,
two years ago,
116
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,900
you couldn't go to a movie without...
Shh...
117
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,300
Oh, hey, look,
check it out.
118
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,400
Ted Mosby did an interview
in Adult Video Weekly.
119
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,600
Adult Video Weekly?
120
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,100
Oh, no.
121
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,100
[Phone Rings]
122
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:28,500
Hello?
123
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,200
Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby.
124
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,000
It's Leonard Ross from AVW.
125
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:33,500
Oh, my God!
126
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:34,200
AVW?
127
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,700
It's Architecture Vision Weekly!
128
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,100
Um...
129
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,300
Wow, I've been reading
your magazine
130
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:40,700
since I was a little kid.
131
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,100
Well, that's a bummer.
132
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,900
Anyway, I'm calling to interview
you about your latest project.
133
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,900
Well, I don't want to say
it's my project.
134
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,900
I mean, I'll be working
with at least three partners.
135
00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:51,000
Oh! Group scene.
Always fun.
136
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,500
Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking
forward to it.
137
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,200
I mean, I know they're gonna
ride me pretty hard
138
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,500
but they're great guys.
139
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,700
Guys?
140
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,900
Whoa, there's a scoop.
141
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,400
That interview went on
for 20 more minutes.
142
00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,700
"This project was so demanding,
143
00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:08,600
"I can't tell you how many nights
144
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,000
I spent bent over a table."
145
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,900
[Laughter]
146
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,400
Oh, hey, baby,
how'd the interview go?
147
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,100
Um, interesting.
148
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,400
There I am in the office
of Jefferson Coatsworth,
149
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,200
and I figure I'm not gonna
take this job anyway,
150
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,400
I might as well give this old
bastard a piece of my mind.
151
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,600
Jefferson Coatsworth
152
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,100
wasn't what I expected.
153
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,200
Marshall,
154
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,200
Jeff Coatsworth.
155
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:32,800
Hello.
156
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,600
Dude, I am so, so psyched
that you're here.
157
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,600
Can I beer ya?
158
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,100
Marshall was thrown.
159
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,700
This guy seemed nice.
160
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:41,900
Of course, he wasn't.
161
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:42,800
[Reporters Clamoring]
162
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,400
Go-go to hell!
163
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,200
I'd do it again!
164
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:47,900
I'm innocent.
165
00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:48,900
I'm innocent.
166
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:50,700
Marshall,
167
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,400
why do you want to work
168
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,000
at Nicholson, Hewitt & West?
169
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,300
Right, um,
okay, Jeff,
170
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,100
I've actually given
this a lot of thought...
171
00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:58,900
I'm sorry. Stop.
172
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,900
I can't do this
with a straight face.
173
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,300
You don't want
to work here.
174
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:06,000
You're only here 'cause your dad
went to high school with Joe Hewitt.
175
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,000
Fact is, you just got a sweet job
at the NRDC.
176
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,900
And it's awesome.
177
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:14,300
Man, I could have gone
the non-profit route.
178
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:15,900
I didn't.
179
00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,400
And it eats me up inside
every day.
180
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,200
I hate myself.
181
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,400
I hate myself.
182
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,600
Oh, he's good.
183
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,600
Classic seduction technique.
184
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,700
What do you mean?
185
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,300
Oh, I use it all the time.
186
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,400
First I buy her--
and by her I mean you-- a drink.
187
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,600
Now, I'm the guy who
gets her what she wants.
188
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,100
Then I pretend to care
189
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,000
about whatever idiotic thing
she cares about.
190
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,000
For you, that would be
the environment.
191
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,900
Now, I'm the great
guy who shares her interests.
192
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,900
And before you know it,
you're naked in my apartment shouting,
193
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,200
"Oh, oh,
Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!"
194
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,400
And by you,
I mean her.
195
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,100
He is not trying
to seduce me.
196
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,000
He didn't even
offer me the job.
197
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:57,800
That comes later.
198
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,200
At dinner.
199
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,200
He did invite you to dinner,
didn't he?
200
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,800
Let me buy you dinner
201
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,100
tomorrow night
202
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,100
as a thank you, okay?
203
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,800
You'll tell me all
about the NRDC,
204
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,000
and we'll charge it all to
one of my evil clients.
205
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,300
- I, you know,I don't know,
- Marshall,
206
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,000
I don't know if...
207
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,500
you know what
Kobe beef is?
208
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,300
The most expensive beef
in the world.
209
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:24,200
The place I'm taking
you has Kobe lobster.
210
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:28,200
That is lobster fed
with Kobe beef.
211
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,800
Oh, my God, he's
trying to seduce me.
212
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,700
So are you gonna go
to dinner with him?
213
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,500
No. No way.
214
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,600
I promised myself
to the NRDC.
215
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,200
I'm not that kind
of lawyer.
216
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,300
Oh, you should go.
217
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,900
I mean, you're not
gonna take the job,
218
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,200
but you might as well
get a great meal out of the deal.
219
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,300
Don't wait up.
220
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,100
Guys, guys, guys,
check this out.
221
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:52,900
Ted Mosby porn star's
says bio his hometown is your hometown.
222
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,100
Shaker Heights, Ohio.
223
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,200
What?
224
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,700
Okay, this is
getting creepy.
225
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:57,800
Who, who is this guy?
226
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:58,900
I gotta find him.
227
00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:00,100
Well, it's your
lucky day.
228
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,600
He's gonna be signing autographs
tomorrow night in Manhattan
229
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,400
at something called
the Adult Video Expo.
230
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,800
- Mm.
- Wait.
231
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,800
Are you telling me that
232
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,900
they actually have
conventions for porn?
233
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:09,500
Affirmative.
234
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,400
Or to put it another way...
235
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,200
God bless America.
236
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:19,400
You can really taste the beef
in that lobster.
237
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,800
Right.
238
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,200
Listen,
239
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,800
I know we're only here
to screw over my client,
240
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,300
who quite frankly deserves it...
241
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,500
but I gotta be able
to tell the guys upstairs
242
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,800
I gave you the spiel, okay?
243
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,200
So, first up,
244
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:33,900
starting salary.
245
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,200
Okay.
246
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,500
Here we go.
247
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:40,100
This is the big number that's
supposed to impress me and--
248
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:40,800
Wow.
249
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,600
That is a big number.
250
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,300
There's also a signing bonus,
251
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,100
uh, use of a company car,
252
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,900
expense account,
blah blah blah.
253
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:53,000
Hey, by the way, turn around
and wave to Patrick Swayze.
254
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,600
Hey.
255
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,900
I'm going to, uh,
try to remain cool.
256
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,200
But you know Patrick Swayze?!
257
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,400
He's a client.
258
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,700
Who do you think bought us
this wine.
259
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:04,800
Crazy Swayze.
260
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,100
Cheers, buddy.
261
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,200
Okay. No.
262
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,300
Jeff, this is all
very impressive,
263
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,700
- but I just don't think that...
- Listen, I know,I know.
264
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:17,200
gonna be tempted by big numbers
and fancy perks.
265
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,100
Yore gonna do the noble thing,
266
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,700
take the low-paying job
at the NRDC,
267
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,200
live off your family money.
268
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,500
Family money?
269
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,800
You do have family money,
don't you?
270
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,800
No, um, not that I know of.
271
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,800
I do have an uncle who owns a,
a pretty successful bait shop.
272
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,500
NRDC.
273
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,700
No family money.
274
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,900
Oh.
You don't have plan on aving kids.
275
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,300
Actually, I,
I want to have four kids.
276
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:45,900
Well...
277
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,900
New York public schools make
a lot of parents nervous,
278
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:53,400
but the kids who walk out,
walk out proud.
279
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,700
It was turning into a tough decision.
280
00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:58,800
Now, kids, when I'm faced
with a tough decision
281
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,500
I like to get out the old yellow pad make a list
of pros and cons.
282
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,300
Marshall knew all the cons,
but there was one thing he didn't know.
283
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,800
a big guy live in a pros con
284
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,400
Lily,
you're a kindergarten teacher.
285
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,000
Yeah.
286
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,200
'Cause Robin was about to ask Lily
the one question...
287
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,200
An-And you make a kindergarten
teacher's salary, right?
288
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,000
Yeah.
289
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,100
...that Lily had been dreading
for years.
290
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,600
Well, how do you afford all
of these expensive clothes?
291
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,300
I shop the sales.
292
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:26,700
They were in the closet
when we moved in.
293
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,500
I steal.
294
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,900
I'm a criminal.
295
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,800
I once shot a man
just to watch him die.
296
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,600
Lily?
297
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,800
Okay.
298
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,000
That's when Lily showed Robin
her box of shame.
299
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,200
Lily, this is nuts.
300
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,000
How many credit
cards do you have?
301
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:45,800
I don't know.
302
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,200
Well, how much do you owe?
303
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,600
I don't know!
304
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:52,700
Wow.
305
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:55,800
I can't believe this many
people love porn this much,
306
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,100
including that guy who works
in human resources at my firm.
307
00:10:59,100 --> 00:10:59,400
Hi.
308
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,100
Let's just wave at
each other awkwardly.
309
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:03,600
That'll make
it better.
310
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,600
Dude, come on, let's just find
bizarro me and get out of here.
311
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,500
Oh, oh, I get it.
312
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:13,500
Ted Mosby, non-porn star,
thinks this is all crude and disgusting.
313
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,900
You know who else was considered
crude and disgusting?
314
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,200
Shakespeare.
315
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,600
Hmm.
But his themes--
316
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,100
love, lust, forbidden
desire-- were universal
317
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:25,000
which is why his work has
stood the test of time.
318
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,300
And so will
all this.
319
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:30,900
400 years from now, some
high school drama class
320
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:33,300
will be doing a plucky,
spirited production
321
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,800
of Beef Party VII.
322
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,500
Oh, my God, Lily,
that is a lot of debt.
323
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,700
How did you get yourself
into this situation?
324
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,500
I don't know what it is.
325
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,600
When I feel down
about something, I shop.
326
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,100
Ma'am, is everything okay?
327
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:51,800
Oh,I just had a huge fight
with my mother.
328
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,000
She doesn't understand me
at all.
329
00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:59,400
I swore that teaching would be
a way to support my painting career,
330
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,600
but I never paint anymore.
331
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,700
I just got
a huge credit card bill.
332
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,400
Does Marshall know?
333
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,100
No.
334
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:12,400
But you guys are the couple
who tell each other everything.
335
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,500
And for God's sakes, Lily,
you text him while he's on the can.
336
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,000
Well, I just want him
to know I'm rooting for him.
337
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,200
Wait, okay, this
all makes sense.
338
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,800
So when you said...
339
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,600
But you're still going to go
to your job interview today,right, baby?
340
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,300
And then...
341
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,700
Oh, you should go.
342
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,100
I mean, you not going
to take the job,
343
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,500
but you might as well get
a great meal out of the deal.
344
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,700
You were pushing him into taking
that high-paying corporate job.
345
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:35,500
I know.
346
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:38,400
It's terrible that I was
trying to get him to do that.
347
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,200
Terrible? He has to take it.
348
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,800
I mean, how else are you going
to pay off all that debt?
349
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,400
Lily, you have to tell him about this
before he turns down that job.
350
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,600
You're right.
I feel awful.
351
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,400
You know there is sale....
352
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,700
We are not going shoping.
353
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,300
There is.
come on. let's go.
354
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:05,400
Why do I get so nervous
around celebrities?
355
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,700
Hi, Ted Mosby.
356
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,100
I'm Ted Mosby.
357
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,300
Ted Mosby, it's you.
358
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,200
Have we met?
359
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,900
Mr. Mosby, it is an
honor to meet you, sir.
360
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:18,000
Starney Binson.
Barney Stinson.
361
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:18,800
Damn it.
362
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,400
We have met.
363
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,000
My real name is Steve Biel.
364
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,300
When I was in fourth grade,
you were in ninth,
365
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,200
and, and one day
I was out behind the school
366
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,100
and a bunch
of seventh graders
367
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,000
were just beating
the crap out of me.
368
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,600
Oh, yeah, I remember.
That was you?
369
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,800
Yeah,
but you pulled them off me.
370
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,900
You told them to go pick
on someone their own size.
371
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:36,500
Huh.
372
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,800
I vowed right then that
when I made something of myself,
373
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,800
I would honor you somehow.
374
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,800
So you took my name and starred in
WelcomeTo The Sex Truck?
375
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:48,500
Yeah.
376
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:53,000
Um, yeah, listen, Ted,
you got to stop use my name.
377
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,600
I-I'm trying to make a career
as an architect.
378
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,000
Architect, huh?
379
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,200
You mean like a sex architect?
380
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,100
What?
381
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,600
Yeah, you know,
you're on to something.
382
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,600
That would make a
great title of a film.
383
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,600
Ted Mosby,
Sex Architect.
384
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,500
You know, I'm actually looking
for a new project
385
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,500
to shoot next Friday afternoon.
386
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:15,400
Yeah, listen, isn't,
isn't there some other way
387
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,600
you could honor me?
388
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,400
With all due respect.
389
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,400
Wait, you're not mad, are you?
390
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,200
Oh, man, I knew it.
391
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,600
My father said,
"Just plant a tree in Israel."
392
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,500
I'm such an idiot.
393
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,700
I guess
I thought you'd be psyched.
394
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,600
I am.
395
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,100
I am;
it's just
396
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,300
I feel a little guilty
because I'm not
397
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:37,900
the one who saved
you that day.
398
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,200
The guy
who actually saved you was...
399
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:45,200
named... Lance Hardwood.
400
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,500
Lance Hardwood, yeah.
401
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,400
Really?
Mm.
402
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,600
You know,
you might not know this,
403
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,200
but in my business,
that's kind of a killer name.
404
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,700
Yeah, I guess,
I guess it is.
405
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,000
I can see the poster now.
406
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,000
Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect.
407
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,800
Starring...
Ted Mosby.
408
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,200
I love it.
409
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,800
Marshall and Jeff stayed
pretty late at the restaurant.
410
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,500
They stayed so late that
Marshall crashed on Jeff's couch,
411
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:15,700
and the next day,
412
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,200
Marshall took part
in a Sunday morning tradition
413
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,600
as old as the city itself:
the Walk of Shame,
414
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,200
the long journey home after
doing something you regret the night before.
415
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,900
I'll take the job.
416
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,500
That's awesome!
417
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:29,500
Yeah!
Yeah!
418
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,700
Great time
last night.
419
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:33,400
I'll call you later.
420
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,600
He's not going
to call you.
421
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,800
- Hey.
- Hey.
422
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,700
Um, did you get my message?
I just,
423
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:43,900
- I crashed uptown.
- Yeah, yeah.
424
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:47,500
Listen, I have, uh,
something to tell you.
425
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,100
Uh, I have something
I need to tell you also.
426
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,700
Mine's pretty huge.
427
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,600
You go first.
428
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,900
- Well...
- I took the job.
429
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,300
I'm sorry.
430
00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,500
I'm so sorry.
431
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,500
I was drunk,
432
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:04,500
and it was a haze of cigars
and scotch and Swayze,
433
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,100
and they offered
me, like,
434
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:09,300
like, like, like,
a lot of money.
435
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:11,300
Oh, Marshall.
436
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,900
How much money?
437
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,700
Here.
438
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,600
Whee!
Yeah!
439
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,600
It's completely despicable.
440
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,500
I know, I know, I sold out
441
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:34,500
for a huge pile
of disgusting money,
442
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:38,500
disgusting money that could
help our future family
443
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,100
have some financial security
444
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,600
and could help pay
for law school.
445
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,700
Law school.
446
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:47,000
Law school that I went to
to help protect the environment,
447
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,300
not help destroy it.
448
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,100
And for what?
449
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,900
For, for... a lot of money.
450
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,400
Okay, okay,
you've got to stop screaming.
451
00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,600
Listen,
Marshall,
452
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,500
you know what I like to do
in situations like this?
453
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,500
Ted, if you say
make a list of pros and cons,
454
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,500
I'm going to smack you.
455
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,700
I wasn't going to say that.
456
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,700
Okay, two beers,
457
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:11,800
and Ted, here's that yellow
legal pad you asked for.
458
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,900
Yellow legal pad?
459
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,200
I ordered fries.
460
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,300
Maybe you should use this
to write down people's orders.
461
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,700
Guys, I,
I don't know what to do.
462
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:22,900
Take the money.
463
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,900
Money is good,
money is happiness.
464
00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:27,500
If I work there,
465
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,200
I'll be representing the most
evil corporations in the world.
466
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,500
Kind of sounds
like a pro and con list to me.
467
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,700
Lily, you have
to tell him.
468
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,500
You can help him
make this decision.
469
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:39,200
Oh, I think he's doing fine
on his own.
470
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,800
All right.
471
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,700
Marshall,
472
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:54,700
I have something to say,
and it's going to help you make your decision.
473
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,500
Oh, of course, you know
my heart better than I do.
474
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,900
You know what's best
for me and for us.
475
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,200
Please, please
tell me what to do.
476
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,400
I think you should take
the job at the NRDC.
477
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,100
Of course I should,
of course I should.
478
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,500
Guys,
479
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:18,400
I'm going to save
the planet Earth.
480
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,800
I got to go call Jeff.
481
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:25,800
What is the
matter with you?
482
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,900
I can't ask him
to make himself miserable
483
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,400
because of a mistake I made.
484
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,800
It's my problem;
I'll figure it out.
485
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,900
That's really sweet.
486
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:35,800
Are those new earrings?
487
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,200
What are you, my mom?
488
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:41,500
Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall.
489
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:42,300
Hey, Marshall.
490
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,900
I have something
that I need to tell you.
491
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,500
I feel really weird
about doing this over the phone.
492
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:48,700
Then don't.
493
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,100
Before you say
anything,
494
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:55,000
come take a ride
in this awesome limo with me.
495
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,500
Where are we going?
496
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,900
Tuckahoe Funland.
497
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,400
I'm sorry.
498
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,100
It sounded like you said
Tuckahoe Funland,
499
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,100
the magic factory
where dreams are made.
500
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,300
Get in.
501
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,900
Man, I-I love this place.
502
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:15,700
Me, too, buddy.
503
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,000
So what did you
want to tell me?
504
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:21,600
I can't work for you.
505
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,100
I know, dude.
506
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,300
It's fine.
507
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:27,900
Marshall Eriksen wants to
preserve the environment,
508
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,100
so that our children
can enjoy it as we have.
509
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,200
I get it.
510
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,700
Good. Thank you.
511
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:38,600
I look down and see children
enjoying this place.
512
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,300
Yeah, because somebody fought
to preserve it.
513
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,100
If they ever shut this place
down, it would be a tragedy.
514
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,700
Well, the good news is,
that'll never happen.
515
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,800
You won't let it.
516
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,100
Because when
you work for us,
517
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:56,400
your only client will be
this place--
518
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,200
Tuckahoe Funland.
519
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,200
I'm taking the job.
520
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,500
Hey!
All right.
521
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,400
And the best part is
I'm not even going to be representing
522
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,800
some sort of evil corporation.
523
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,100
I will be representing
Tuckahoe Funland,
524
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,800
the least evil place
in the world.
525
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,500
Or so Marshall thought.
526
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,000
Great news,
great news.
527
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:23,900
Uh-oh.
528
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,800
Oh, I'd better check
on him.
529
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,200
Got it.
530
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,000
Terrific.
531
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,400
You'll notice I'm
in the credits.
532
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,900
I did some location scouting.
533
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,900
Here are the plans for the new
International Sex Building.
534
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:02,900
Wow, that really looks
like our apartment.
535
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,500
It is.
536
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:05,800
Oh, I should return these.
537
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,400
Oh, Sex Architect,
you've done it again.
538
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:14,200
Let's go celebrate
on the couch.