1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:02,600 ?? 2 00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:05,900 ?like everyone belonged to these silly things called gyms. 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,000 The idea was you'd pay them lots of money to run around 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:09,900 and lift heavy things. 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,500 Biggest rip-off in the world. 6 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:12,800 And yet people fell for it. 7 00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:14,100 Including me. 8 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:15,700 Oh, forgot my wallet. 9 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:18,700 It started with one of those moments 10 00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:21,000 when you realize you're not as in shape as you want to be. 11 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:23,500 Whoo... 12 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,500 That's further than it looks. 13 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,600 Aw, coupon's on my dresser. 14 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,800 That's too far. Forget it. 15 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,500 Please don't judge me. 16 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,100 I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. 17 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,700 I woke up all greasy and sweaty. 18 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,100 My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in. 19 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,900 Maybe I should join a gym. 20 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,100 Do you go to a gym? 21 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:50,200 Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness, n't wo 22 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,300 What do you do? 23 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:51,900 I invest. 24 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,900 There goes one of my investments now. 25 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,300 Cheryl, hard work's paying off. 26 00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:58,400 Keep up the good work. 27 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,900 So your investments are women? 28 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:02,900 Yes. 29 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:06,600 Women who, how shall I put this delicately? 30 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,300 They fat. 31 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:10,500 So, I come here, 32 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:11,800 give them lots of attention now. 33 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,900 Then when they get hot, who's the first guy they run to? 34 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,600 The one who invested in them when they weren't. 35 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,600 Wow, I can't decide if I'm thoroughly disgusted 36 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,200 or really, really impressed. 37 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,900 Of course, not all investments pay divipa 38 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:27,300 See the girl over there at the vending machine-- Tonya. 39 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,800 She is one Kit Kat away from junk bond status. 40 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,200 Hey, Barney. 41 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,200 Becky, elliptical machine's really working for you. Nice stuff. 42 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,900 That one's going to reward shareholders soon. 43 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,400 I foresee aggressive growth in my future. 44 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,200 What up? 45 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,400 Wow, that makes me want to join a gym. 46 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,600 So I can get super strong 47 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:52,900 and punch you really hard in the face. 48 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,600 Yes, we should all do it. 49 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,800 Yeah, let's all punch Barney in the face. 50 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,600 No, I'm serious. 51 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,400 We should totally join a gym. 52 00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,700 Come on, we put on the beer weight together-- 53 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:04,900 we might as well take it off together. 54 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,400 Or we could just stop drinking beer. 55 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,400 No. I say we join a gym. 56 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,000 Are you Marshall? Yeah. 57 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,000 Hi, I'm Trish. 58 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,100 I'm the trainer you signed up for. 59 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:17,500 Oh, hi. 60 00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:18,800 Really great to meet you, Trish. 61 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,800 It's a pleasure. 62 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,600 Marshall, can I talk to you for a second? 63 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:24,500 Sure. Great. 64 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:25,700 Just a second. 65 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,800 Yeah, sweetie, I think she maybe just a little too hot to be your trainer. 66 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,000 I get it. 67 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,600 I mean, I see what you're worried about. 68 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,700 But this is just about me taking care of myself. 69 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,000 You'll always be my sugar. 70 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,100 So, Marshall,are you ready to make a commitment to your body? 71 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,900 Pssh! Please, I'm all about committing to my body. 72 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,000 I'll drive to Vermont 73 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,400 and have a commitment ceremony to my body if you want. 74 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,800 That was a weird thing to say. 75 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,100 All right. Start with 100 push-ups. 76 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,800 All right, cool. How many do you want me to do? 77 00:02:58,800 --> 00:02:59,600 100. 78 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,600 Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech--100 push-ups, 79 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,700 like do a bazillion push-ups. 80 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:05,900 No one can do 100. 81 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:08,700 Do you smell that? 82 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:09,600 No. 83 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,500 It smells like there's a little bitch in my gym. 84 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,100 Are you being a little bitch in my gym? 85 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,500 No. 86 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,500 Then get on the floor and give me 100! 87 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,600 You don't have to yell at me. 88 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:21,900 I love it here. 89 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,200 It's just normal women who want to get in shape. 90 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:29,200 I don't have to put on makeup, do my hair,wear some trendy outfit. 91 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,100 Yeah, this place is great. 92 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:32,600 We're meeting our friend Robin here. 93 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,500 I hope you don't hate her. She's pretty hot. 94 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,600 Shut up. 95 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,100 Lily, tell him to shut up. 96 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:40,300 I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard, do we know each other? 97 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,600 Ted, Lily, you'll never believe what just happened. 98 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,400 Oh, hey, dude, I'm Barney. 99 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,900 So I was at the smoothie bar... 100 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,900 What can I get you? 101 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,700 Oh, my God, Rhonda? 102 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,300 It's Barney.Barney Stinson from Staten Island Boulevard. 103 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:01,300 Hey, Barney Stinson from Staten Island Boulevard. 104 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,800 What can I get you? 105 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,100 I can't believe she didn't remember me. 106 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,400 Why? Who is she? 107 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:07,600 That's Rhonda. 108 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,100 I lost my virginity to her. 109 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,400 www.1000fr.com presents 110 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,800 Capture:FRM@Aihua Sync:FRS@xingougou?????? 111 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,500 Baby, are you still sore? 112 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,600 Trish made me do 70 push-ups, but she only gave me credit for ten. 113 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,100 The she had me do 100 sit-ups 114 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:40,400 and then she made me cry, using only her words. 115 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,200 It just doesn't add up. 116 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,000 How could Rhonda not remember me? 117 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,600 Well, maybe it wasn't that good for her. 118 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,300 I mean, it was your first time. 119 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,800 Ted, it's me. I rocked her world. 120 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,300 You don't believe me? Okay, story time. 121 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,900 The year was 1998. 122 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,100 I'd been going out with Shannon since freshman year of college. 123 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,300 We were saving ourselves. 124 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:07,500 So when we broke up there I was, 23 and still a virgin. 125 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,300 I knew nothing about girls. 126 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,000 So I went to the guy 127 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,300 who knew everything about girls-- my brother James. 128 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,900 Wait, your gay brother James? 129 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,500 Yeah, this was before he was gay. 130 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,400 ?? 131 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:31,400 Barney...Barney, you need to find a girl 132 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,000 and have sex with her ASAP. 133 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,200 That is what dudes do after a breakup. 134 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:40,500 I know. I want to, but... I guess I'm just scared. 135 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:41,400 Of course you're scared. 136 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,300 It's gross. 137 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,400 The thought of doing that with a woman... 138 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,400 But it's part of being a guy. 139 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,700 Try thinking about baseball. 140 00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:52,000 Somehow I imagine those players on the field 141 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,300 and it's over a lot faster. 142 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,900 But I don't know the first thing about seducing a woman. 143 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:01,900 What do you...? How do you...? Where do you...? 144 00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,800 Stop. Don't overthink it. 145 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:05,200 You don't want to get the yips. 146 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,100 The yips? 147 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,200 Yeah, when you overthink simple things so much that you can't do them at all. 148 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,400 The yips. 149 00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,200 Yeah, it happens to athletes all the time. 150 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,900 Like the second baseman who suddenly can't throw to first 151 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,900 or the figure skater who does a perfect triple toe loop 152 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,900 and then loses it on the arabesque. 153 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,200 I've actually really been getting into figure skating lately. 154 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,800 But, James... what woman's going to have sex with me? 155 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,200 It's not like I'm a Backstreet Boy. 156 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,500 The Man Maker. 157 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,100 Rhonda "Man Maker" French 158 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,200 was our mom's friend from down the street. 159 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,200 Got any kings? 160 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,500 Go fish. 161 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,000 So, Patty, know that new paperboy? 162 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,500 I let him throw one into my hedges, if you know what I mean. 163 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,200 Did you see that new guy who cleans my pool? 164 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,100 I let him snake my drain, if you know what I mean. 165 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000 You know that Chinese food delivery boy? 166 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,000 I had sex with him. 167 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,400 I don't have a funny way of saying it yet. 168 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,600 It just happened 20 minutes ago. 169 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:09,900 Of course. 170 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,000 The Man Maker. 171 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,200 And it'll be easier too, 'cause she knows me so well. 172 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,200 Hi, Barry. 173 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,300 Barney.Hi, Ms. French. 174 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,800 I know we haven't seen each other for a while, but if there was any chance... 175 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,200 Oh, boy. 176 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:33,200 Wow, you just rocked my world. That was the best sex I ever had. 177 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,600 That was the night I was born. 178 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:42,500 I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom 179 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:47,800 and strode into the world, Armani clad and fully awesome. 180 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,900 God, please let me stop! 181 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:52,500 Yes, great, let's stop. 182 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:55,200 Let's just kick back and wait for the massive coronary 183 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,000 you're going to have a couple years from now when you're 40. 184 00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,300 I'm... I'm 29. 185 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,700 50 more! 186 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,300 Hi, sweetie. 187 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,900 I got a trainer, too. This is Max. 188 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,700 We're going to focus on flexibility. 189 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,400 Yeah, I'm gonna stretch her out. 190 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,700 Great... Wait, what? 191 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,400 50 more, now! 192 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,400 Huh? 193 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:26,400 Hey... 194 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,800 Okay, well, that's not cool. 195 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,900 You know, Rhonda, 196 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,400 running into you really got me thinking about the old days. 197 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,800 You were quite popular. 198 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,900 I sure got around back then. 199 00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:51,300 And there was one young man who stood out above the pack. 200 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:52,800 Freddy Chibatoni. 201 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,300 That kid had a tongue like a gecko. 202 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,300 No, no, I was thinking about someone else. 203 00:08:58,300 --> 00:08:59,700 Chaz Alderman. 204 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,100 Hips like a woman, but he knew how to use them. 205 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:03,700 What about me?! 206 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,500 - You? - Yes. We slept together. 207 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,200 And you said I was the best you ever had. 208 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,000 Did I? 209 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:13,900 Oh, right. 210 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,100 About that... 211 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,900 And tell him that he's the best you ever had. 212 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,300 Oh, I don't know. 213 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,800 He's just a kid. 214 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:26,000 No he isn't. He's 23 and he is really hurting, Rhonda. 215 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:26,900 Please. 216 00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,500 Maybe we could make a deal. 217 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:30,900 What? 218 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,900 I don't know... 219 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:34,600 Oh... 220 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,100 No, girl, I got a girlfriend. 221 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers is the only vagina for me. 222 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:45,200 Oh... I love it. It... it isn't scary at all. 223 00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,600 Well, too bad.I guess your brother's going to stay a virgin. 224 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:50,900 ?? 225 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,000 Fine. 226 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,700 Reggie Jackson, Reggie Jackson, 227 00:09:58,700 --> 00:09:59,600 Reggie Jackson... 228 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,800 But those compliments you gave me. 229 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,300 Wow... 230 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,600 you just rocked my world. 231 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,400 That was the best sex I ever had. 232 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,100 But you said I rocked your world. 233 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:21,700 All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking. 234 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,200 Sorry, Barry. 235 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:28,300 it's barney... 236 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,800 So I'm doing sit-ups and she says, "All right, Marshall, just one more set." 237 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,900 So I summon all my strength and I do that set, 238 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:39,100 and then she says, "Give me another set." 239 00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,900 So I'm like, "Is this the last set?" 240 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,000 And she says yes. 241 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,900 So I do that set and then she says, "Give me another set." 242 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,400 She lied to my face! 243 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,100 Everything hurts. 244 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:52,100 Baby, the whole point of working out is to feel better. 245 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,100 This trainer is making you miserable. 246 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,500 You have to call her and quit. 247 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,000 I got to work through it. I got to finish what I started. 248 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000 - If you're too scared, I can call her. - Her number's on this card. 249 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,800 Hi. Is this Trish? 250 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,600 This is Marshall's wife. 251 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,100 Listen, we have a problem here and it's you. 252 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:15,100 I don't know who the hell you think you are, but from now on you don't tell Marshall what to do. 253 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,700 You are an employee. 254 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,700 We tell you what to do. 255 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:23,500 And I'm telling you you're fired, bitch. 256 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,400 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, bye. 257 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,200 You better get down there, baby. She's pretty pissed. 258 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,000 Hey, buddy. 259 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,000 Still bummed about the whole Rhonda thing? 260 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,500 No. Why would I let the approval of one woman define who I am? 261 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,400 That's very mature of you, Barney. 262 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,000 Let him finish. 263 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:46,000 When I can let the approval of a gaggle of supermodels define who I am. 264 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,600 What? What? 265 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,600 Three tickets to the after party of the Victoria's Secret fashion show? 266 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,600 Uh, kablammie! 267 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,700 Lily, um, could I go? 268 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:58,500 Go. You're too sore to do anything anyway. 269 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,300 Oh... wow. 270 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:15,100 Okay, this, boys, is not a regular season game. 271 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,400 This is the World Series. 272 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,200 So remember, we work together. We're a team. 273 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,500 And if anyone sees Heidi Klum-- dibs. 274 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,700 Target acquired. Dig deep. Mm-hmm! 275 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,400 Hey, it's a nice party, huh? 276 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,400 Yeah, it's great. 277 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,500 Do you guys work for the company? 278 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:42,600 Yeah, it's called "I'm Gonna Get In Your Panties, Incorporated." 279 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,300 Gross! 280 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,500 Dude! 281 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,800 I don't know. That was terrible. 282 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:51,900 I am so sorry. 283 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,600 Wait a minute. It's okay. It's okay. It's fine. 284 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,900 It's a numbers game. I'm cool. 285 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,000 Model... model. 286 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,600 Uh... hi. I know, right? 287 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,000 This party is legend. Wait for it... 288 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,900 Uh, how long do we have to wait for it? 289 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,800 I think he's having a stroke. 290 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,500 - What is the matter with me? - I don't know. 291 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,300 Wait, wait, wait-- you don't think I have the yips, do ya? 292 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,200 No, no, no, relax. 293 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,100 There's Alessandra Ambrosio. 294 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,600 English is her second language. 295 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,400 Even if you screw up, she'll never know. 296 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,200 Come on. 297 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,000 Hi. 298 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,800 Those are very nice honkers. 299 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,500 Honkers? I don't know this word. 300 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,800 Do you want to go dance? 301 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,500 I'm talking about those things. 302 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:49,700 Ah-ooga! 303 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,300 Ew! 304 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,400 Oh, no, I can't have the yips. I can't have the yips, not here. Not now. 305 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,900 This is me. It's Barney, Barney! 306 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,200 Heidi Klum! 307 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,100 This is perfect I can do this. I can do this. 308 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,100 But thanks for coming. 309 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,300 Thanks for coming. Heidi Klum, I'm Barney. 310 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:12,100 Hi, Barney. Nice to meet you. 311 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,100 Goobidy, goobidy, goobidy, goobidy. 312 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,600 Whoa. 313 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,800 Is he okay? 314 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,300 Uh, he has the yips. 315 00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,400 Hasn't been able to hit on a woman all night. 316 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,700 He has the yips? 317 00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:26,900 Ooh, that's bad. 318 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,400 You know, in Germany, we call this @#$*&^%$# @+*#$_&@*&. 319 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,800 Whoa, that is bad. 320 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,500 I don't know what's happened to me. 321 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,900 I've, I've totally lost my confidence. 322 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,100 Aw... 323 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,600 Barney, maybe you have to open up to somebody. 324 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,600 Maybe you have to open up to some... 325 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,600 He just found out that the woman he lost his virginity to only did it because his brother bribed her. 326 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:51,000 Ooh, that's a rough one. 327 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,600 I mean, the only thing I can think of to get rid of 328 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,300 &^%$#@@$%#*+&^_^ 329 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,500 is you have to go out there. 330 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,200 And you need to find that woman. 331 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,200 And you need to earn it with her for real. 332 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,700 That is the only way how you can find yourself. 333 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,500 I see little hamburgers! 334 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:14,900 I love little hamburgers. 335 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,000 Auf wiedersehen. 336 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,500 - Wow! - Yeah. 337 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,500 I just made out with Heidi Klum. 338 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:22,800 What? 339 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,800 Ted, just... okay? 340 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,100 Come in. 341 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,700 Hi, Rhonda. 342 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,800 Hi, kiddo. Surprised to see you here. 343 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:41,600 So, hey, uh, maybe how about sex? 344 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,700 Let's sex. 345 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:46,600 What are you talking about? I'm watching Wheel of Fortune. 346 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,900 You can keep watching. I'll face you toward the TV. 347 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,200 - That's a cute idea, kid. - Great. 348 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,400 No, I'm not having sex with you. 349 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,700 Sit down a minute. 350 00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:57,700 I'm not the Man Maker anymore. 351 00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,100 You know what? 352 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,500 About five years ago, 353 00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:07,300 I realized there was an emptiness inside of me that no amount of meaningless sex could fill. 354 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,800 I needed something more. 355 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,800 And that's when I discovered Indian casinos. 356 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,400 Hey, Barney, 357 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,500 it's weird not seeing you in a suit. What's going on? 358 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:22,900 Uh, not much. 359 00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:26,900 My entire sexual history was built on a rotting foundation of lies. 360 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:31,500 My whole identity is lost in a pit of menthol ashes. 361 00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:33,600 Work is good. 362 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,500 I'm never going back to that gym again. 363 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:47,000 Today at work, I had to have an intern rip up my bagel and put little pieces in my mouth. 364 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,600 Yeah, I'm done there, too. 365 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:50,600 That place is horrible. 366 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,600 What about your big muscular trainer who's so into stretching you out? 367 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,200 Yeah, well, turns out that guy had no affiliation with the gym whatsoever. 368 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,500 Come on, guys, don't give up on the gym. 369 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,000 It's been great for us. 370 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,300 Like today, Robin and I had a really nice moment. 371 00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:12,400 Oh, God! Oh... Yahhh! 372 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:28,500 Robin, hey, I just wanted to come over and thank you. 373 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:29,900 Thank me for what? 374 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:33,200 Well, you know how it's hard for exes to be friends 375 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,800 because there's this lingering sexual tension between them? 376 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,800 Gone. Thank you. 377 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,300 You know, for all the crap you've given me, 378 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,100 I haven't seen you work up a sweat there once. 379 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,000 It's not true. I was there today. 380 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,300 Yeah, but didn't you leave early? 381 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,000 Oh, great. 382 00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,400 Now I got to go home and charge this. 383 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:03,200 Wait a minute. 384 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,500 You didn't work out Tuesday either. 385 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,000 Brought the wrong shorts. 386 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,900 Yeah, and you totally disappeared on Monday, too. 387 00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:15,700 No, I was at the gym the whole time. 388 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,500 Ooh! Oh, I love this gym. 389 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,400 Lily, help me bend down these three fingers. 390 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,200 Actually, I have an idea. 391 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:31,100 Do it! Come on! Do it, you worthless piece of crap! 392 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,100 Please! Please, I just want to go home. 393 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:35,100 Come on. This is your last set! 394 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,100 You said that last time! 395 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:42,900 Gone. 396 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:49,600 Hey. 397 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:51,700 Rhonda. 398 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600 I saw your friend Ted at the gym. 399 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,400 After he puked and cleared the line at the smoothie bar, 400 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,700 he said you were kinda having a tough time. 401 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,600 Did you change your mind about having love, making sex, 402 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,300 penis vagina? 403 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:09,500 What is the matter with me? 404 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,200 - Oh, honey... - I just, I don't get it. 405 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,800 You slept with so many guys. 406 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,100 You slept with my brother. 407 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,900 We are practically the same person. 408 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:19,200 Was I really so bad? 409 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,400 Nobody's good the first time. 410 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,600 But I was. At least I thought I was. 411 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:31,000 Oh, Barney, you know... sex isn't everything. 412 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:35,900 When is the last time you had a conversation with a woman with no intention of scoring with her? 413 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,000 I sat next to former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright at a benefit once. 414 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,300 I certainly didn't intend to hit that. 415 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,100 Yeah, well, I tell you what. 416 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,500 Sleeping with me again isn't gonna solve anything. 417 00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,200 I don't know what else is. 418 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,200 I think I know. 419 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,300 Do you have any kings? 420 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,600 No, go fish. 421 00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:11,800 See, Barney, isn't it nice to just sit and have a evening with a woman, no agenda? 422 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,100 Just make nice conversation? 423 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:17,300 No. 424 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,200 Yeah, kinda sucks, doesn't it? 425 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:25,100 Oh, my God, Barney, you really did just rock my world. 426 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,200 That was amazing. 427 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:29,400 And I'm not lying. 428 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,200 I know you're not lying, baby. 429 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,000 And it was good for you? 430 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,300 It was the best sex I've ever had. 431 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,600 Later. 432 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,500 Daddy's back. 433 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,700 - Hey, buddy, how's it going? - Hey. Pretty good. 434 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:52,900 Pretty good. Ooh! 435 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,500 I can move my legs now and I can lift my arms this high. 436 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,400 I can move my legs now and I can lift my arms this high. 437 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,500 - Oh! - Oh! 438 00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:01,500 Yeah, you know, I feel like I have more energy. 439 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:06,300 Yeah, it was hard at first, but now if I go a day without working out, I miss it. 440 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:07,900 I'm proud of us, guys. 441 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,100 The first week is the hardest. We're over the hump. 442 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,900 Joining that gym was the best decision we ever made. 443 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,000 And we never went back to the gym again. 444 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,600 welcome to www.1000fr.com