1 00:00:02,291 --> 00:00:03,781 Kids, the day you get married 2 00:00:03,892 --> 00:00:06,190 is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. 3 00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:09,094 The perfect ending to a perfect love story. 4 00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:12,760 My wedding, at least my first wedding, didn't go so well. 5 00:00:14,938 --> 00:00:17,601 Say that I'm changed 6 00:00:17,708 --> 00:00:19,505 Say I'm different 7 00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:23,808 Maybe I finally understand 8 00:00:24,382 --> 00:00:26,282 Say I've let go 9 00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:32,154 It's funny, looking back on it now. I was so sure Stella was the one. 10 00:00:32,257 --> 00:00:35,488 And when she left me, I was so devastated. 11 00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:39,759 But you guys got me through it. And now the painful part's over. 12 00:00:39,866 --> 00:00:43,233 I've come out the other side a little bit stronger. 13 00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:46,795 You know, I hardly even think about her anymore. 14 00:00:46,907 --> 00:00:49,205 That's what time does, I guess. 15 00:00:52,212 --> 00:00:56,582 Ted, the wedding was yesterday. It's been 24 hours. 16 00:00:56,684 --> 00:01:00,051 I know. And this is me moving on. 17 00:01:00,155 --> 00:01:03,716 A great new chapter of my life began today, and we're gonna celebrate. 18 00:01:03,825 --> 00:01:08,422 Right now, we need two things. We need Kool and we need the Gang. 19 00:01:08,531 --> 00:01:10,362 It's jukebox time, huh? 20 00:01:14,738 --> 00:01:16,069 I look at that young man 21 00:01:16,173 --> 00:01:19,472 popping and locking his way over to the jukebox 22 00:01:19,576 --> 00:01:24,036 and I think to myself, "You know, maybe Stella made the right call. " 23 00:01:25,016 --> 00:01:25,983 Ow! Pain. 24 00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:27,914 What? How is he dancing right now? 25 00:01:28,019 --> 00:01:31,614 He should be smashing up Stella's car with a sledgehammer. 26 00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:35,753 Hypothetical. Ted isn't pretending to be happy. 27 00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:39,228 Ted really is happy. He never wanted to get married in the first place. 28 00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:43,894 Ted just pulled off the greatest train dodge since Stand by Me. 29 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:46,904 Well, not the first kid, but the other kids. 30 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,200 No, he is in bad shape. 31 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,375 What's up? 32 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:57,543 Really bad shape. And we need to be there for him. 33 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,712 But as much as my friends really wanted to be there for me, 34 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,552 I was, by all appearances, fine. 35 00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:05,853 - Hey, buddy. - Want to hang out? 36 00:02:05,961 --> 00:02:08,156 Guys, I'm fine. 37 00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:13,193 - Hey, pal, you want to have a catch? - I'm fine. 38 00:02:16,973 --> 00:02:20,636 - Hey, kiddo. - Barney, I'm fine. 39 00:02:20,743 --> 00:02:24,271 This is not necessary, and it's actually kind of weird. 40 00:02:24,381 --> 00:02:28,340 - No offense, ladies. - I did not realize you'd be home. 41 00:02:29,286 --> 00:02:30,913 Ladies, to the stairwell. 42 00:02:45,104 --> 00:02:48,335 Finally, after two weeks, the inevitable emotions boiled over. 43 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,433 - Hey, you guys want to get some dinner? - Oh, shut up. 44 00:02:52,112 --> 00:02:53,545 I'm sorry, sweetie. 45 00:02:53,647 --> 00:02:56,775 It's just, Ted, you've been through something traumatic, 46 00:02:56,883 --> 00:03:00,284 and we're trying to be there for you as friends, but you're not letting us, 47 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:04,791 and it's pissing us off, you selfish bitch. Sorry. 48 00:03:04,892 --> 00:03:07,656 Look, we're just worried that you're not dealing with this whole Stella thing. 49 00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:09,730 Okay, now, do you remember when Lily left me? 50 00:03:09,830 --> 00:03:11,731 You remember how I held in my feelings? 51 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:16,898 I miss her so much. 52 00:03:18,674 --> 00:03:20,734 Yeah, dude, you were a rock. 53 00:03:20,843 --> 00:03:23,778 Well, I should have been even worse, okay? I should have gotten mad. 54 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,508 I should have taken your advice and set all of Lily's stuff on fire. 55 00:03:26,616 --> 00:03:28,481 Oh. Nice. Thanks, Ted. 56 00:03:28,785 --> 00:03:31,619 But I didn't, and I think that that's why it took me so long to get better. 57 00:03:31,722 --> 00:03:35,453 So, now, Ted, I want you to explode. 58 00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:38,494 Release the berserker. Okay, you ready? 59 00:03:40,732 --> 00:03:41,756 Now! 60 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:44,264 - I'm good. No. 61 00:03:44,369 --> 00:03:46,860 Guys, get off his back. He's happy. 62 00:03:46,972 --> 00:03:48,941 Listen, if Ted were married right now, 63 00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:52,238 he'd be married, he'd be living in New Jersey, 64 00:03:52,345 --> 00:03:55,405 and he'd be married. 65 00:03:55,514 --> 00:03:58,382 He's fine. Now, let's eat. How about Flat Michael's? 66 00:03:58,485 --> 00:04:00,282 No, that's 44th and Lex. Can't do it. 67 00:04:00,387 --> 00:04:02,082 - Why not? - It's too close to Stella's gym. 68 00:04:02,189 --> 00:04:04,248 Might run into her. Anywhere else, though. 69 00:04:04,358 --> 00:04:05,882 Okay, how about Hurley's? 70 00:04:07,094 --> 00:04:10,622 Right between Stella's office and her dry cleaners. No, sir. 71 00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:12,700 Well, what about Meatloaf Charlie's? 72 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,995 Two blocks from Stella's mother's hairdressers. 73 00:04:15,103 --> 00:04:18,437 Well, jeez, Ted, is there anywhere in Manhattan we can go to dinner? 74 00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:22,169 Of course. Check this out. 75 00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:27,278 - What you got there, Ted? - A little reference map I made for myself. 76 00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:30,478 A New York guide to places you might run into Stella Zinman. 77 00:04:30,587 --> 00:04:34,921 Red areas are places to avoid. White areas are safe. Blue is water. 78 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:38,359 - That is just ridiculous. - Well, water is blue. 79 00:04:38,596 --> 00:04:40,154 You can't live that way. 80 00:04:40,264 --> 00:04:42,858 She leaves you at the altar and you're the one avoiding her? 81 00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:44,491 Yes, I'm avoiding her. 82 00:04:44,602 --> 00:04:46,366 What's the big deal? That's how we do it. 83 00:04:46,471 --> 00:04:48,063 Who's "we"? Gutless weenies? 84 00:04:48,173 --> 00:04:52,405 No, "we" is people from the great state of Ohio. 85 00:04:52,511 --> 00:04:56,881 When life gives us pain, we Buckeyes take that pain and we push it down. 86 00:04:57,350 --> 00:05:01,286 And if the pain starts to come up again, we push more pain down on top of it. 87 00:05:01,387 --> 00:05:03,685 Why confront something when you can avoid it, right? 88 00:05:03,790 --> 00:05:08,421 All I have to do is never see Stella again, and I'll live a long, happy life. 89 00:05:08,595 --> 00:05:09,789 Now, who wants to get something to eat? 90 00:05:09,897 --> 00:05:13,458 Oh. Somebody just told me about a tapas place that's in the white zone. 91 00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:15,160 Great. Let's go there. 92 00:05:16,905 --> 00:05:18,873 - You ready to order? - Not quite yet. 93 00:05:18,973 --> 00:05:21,100 Can we get some of those almonds for the table? 94 00:05:21,209 --> 00:05:22,506 Certainly. 95 00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:25,572 Nice call, Lily. This place looks great. 96 00:05:25,681 --> 00:05:28,946 - Who told you about it? - You know, I don't remember. 97 00:05:30,352 --> 00:05:31,319 Uh-oh. 98 00:05:31,454 --> 00:05:34,321 - What? - I just remembered. 99 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:47,393 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, okay, just be cool. 100 00:05:47,505 --> 00:05:51,999 We're just gonna have to deal with this. Everyone, follow my lead. 101 00:05:55,047 --> 00:05:56,742 - Oh, you're kidding. - Is he serious? 102 00:05:56,849 --> 00:06:01,684 I am not getting under this table. I'd maybe get under that table. 103 00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:04,288 She's turning around. 104 00:06:09,496 --> 00:06:11,361 Think, think, think. 105 00:06:11,464 --> 00:06:14,298 Everyone, just stay here. I'm gonna go take a look. 106 00:06:14,401 --> 00:06:16,369 Marshall, go take a look. 107 00:06:22,243 --> 00:06:26,442 - And will you need utensils? - No, I'm just going straight home. 108 00:06:28,283 --> 00:06:29,910 She's placing an order to go. 109 00:06:30,018 --> 00:06:32,180 Did she seem happy? Did she say anything about me? 110 00:06:32,288 --> 00:06:35,121 I don't care. I don't even care. Where are those almonds? 111 00:06:35,224 --> 00:06:36,714 Gosh, where would Ted's nuts be? 112 00:06:36,826 --> 00:06:40,057 Hey, why don't you check the vise in Stella's garage? 113 00:06:40,163 --> 00:06:41,187 Go yell at her. 114 00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:44,392 Ted, you may be from Ohio, but you live in New York now. 115 00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:46,560 We don't push down our feelings in New York. 116 00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:49,662 We take our feelings and we shove them in somebody else's face! 117 00:06:49,773 --> 00:06:51,070 Spare me, Lily. 118 00:06:51,175 --> 00:06:53,201 You'd be doing the same thing if you were in this situation. 119 00:06:53,311 --> 00:06:54,335 That's outrageous. 120 00:06:54,445 --> 00:06:58,006 There is not a person on Earth I would hide under a table from. 121 00:06:58,116 --> 00:07:02,952 Really, not a single person? Not even Gasser? 122 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:07,349 - How dare you mention that name to me. - Who's Gasser? 123 00:07:07,459 --> 00:07:10,896 He's the last person I'd want to see walk through that door. 124 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:14,125 Michael Sasser. He's a guy I went to high school with. 125 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,464 Michael sat next to me in freshman biology. 126 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,233 He had been a bit of a loser all through middle school. 127 00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:21,933 But the summer before ninth grade, 128 00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:24,807 he grew 12 inches and joined the baseball team. 129 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:28,313 He was right on the precipice of becoming one of the cool kids. 130 00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:29,747 Until one day... 131 00:07:31,987 --> 00:07:36,583 Lily, we've all been there. When you've ripped one, it's not pretty. 132 00:07:36,692 --> 00:07:37,989 What did you do? 133 00:07:38,093 --> 00:07:43,054 Are you kidding? This was ninth grade. I only had one choice. 134 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,865 Oh, my God, Sasser. Fart much? 135 00:07:48,071 --> 00:07:51,974 - No, it wasn't me. It was her. - Oh! As if, Sasser. 136 00:07:52,142 --> 00:07:53,734 More like Gasser. 137 00:07:54,311 --> 00:07:56,973 - Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! - Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! 138 00:07:57,081 --> 00:07:58,343 - No. - Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! 139 00:07:58,449 --> 00:08:01,476 I'm on the baseball team. I'm cool. 140 00:08:01,586 --> 00:08:02,746 Gasser! Gasser! 141 00:08:03,255 --> 00:08:05,280 The nickname Gasser stuck. 142 00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:08,325 He got teased so much, eventually he had to change schools. 143 00:08:08,427 --> 00:08:12,830 - Kids are awesome. - I've always felt awful about that. 144 00:08:12,932 --> 00:08:17,096 But if Gasser... Michael walked in right now, 145 00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:20,696 as hard as it would be, I would go up to Gasser... Michael 146 00:08:20,807 --> 00:08:22,502 and I would resolve things between us. 147 00:08:22,609 --> 00:08:24,804 Right, clear the air, as it were. 148 00:08:24,912 --> 00:08:26,607 Oh, man. 149 00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:30,206 Those don't come around often. Y'all are welcome. 150 00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,082 - Hey, are you guys okay? - Oh. Yeah. 151 00:08:34,188 --> 00:08:35,712 We're just gonna be eating down here if that's okay. 152 00:08:35,823 --> 00:08:37,451 - What? - Well, here's your almonds. 153 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,526 Oh. Thanks. 154 00:08:38,627 --> 00:08:41,687 - You guys have any specials tonight? - Ted, this is ludicrous. 155 00:08:41,797 --> 00:08:45,062 Ted, I am a person who... Well, let's just face it. 156 00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:47,363 There are a lot of people I don't want to see, 157 00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:50,098 people of the chicks-I-banged persuasion. 158 00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,731 But if any of them were to walk in here, I would stand up 159 00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:57,212 and I would look them right in the eye. Some of them for the very first time. 160 00:08:57,848 --> 00:08:59,713 Really, you wouldn't hide from anyone? 161 00:08:59,817 --> 00:09:00,806 Uh-uh. 162 00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:05,946 - Not even, say, Becca DeLucci? - You son of a bitch. 163 00:09:06,157 --> 00:09:09,184 - Who's Becca DeLucci? - Do you mind? 164 00:09:12,998 --> 00:09:14,397 So, who is Becca DeLucci? 165 00:09:14,499 --> 00:09:17,901 Becca is just this girl who lives upstate. I used to visit her now and again. 166 00:09:18,004 --> 00:09:20,939 Mmm-hmm. Where exactly upstate, Barney? 167 00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:24,175 Bedford Hills Federal Penitentiary. 168 00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:28,408 And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature. 169 00:09:29,616 --> 00:09:32,813 - No. No way, really? - Really. 170 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,220 And what I had with Becca was a perfect relationship. 171 00:09:36,324 --> 00:09:39,987 She was only allowed, by law, to call me once a week. 172 00:09:40,095 --> 00:09:43,428 If she ever got clingy, the armed guards stopped her. 173 00:09:43,531 --> 00:09:47,434 And I never had to pay for dinner. Well, that's not true. I pay taxes. 174 00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:49,902 Then again, I guess we all paid for dinner. Thanks a lot, guys. 175 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:53,806 Anyway, the last time I visited, I kind of screwed things up. 176 00:09:54,378 --> 00:09:58,947 I know it's hard, baby, but I'm in a prison, too. 177 00:09:59,049 --> 00:10:01,017 A prison of my own heart. 178 00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:05,253 Is that room ready yet or what? Can we... Tick-tock. 179 00:10:06,457 --> 00:10:09,051 Barney, you're the only thing that's keeping me going here. 180 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,288 That's what I'm here for, baby. I'm your rock. 181 00:10:12,430 --> 00:10:14,899 I'm... Oh, my God. Hello, strange. 182 00:10:19,571 --> 00:10:23,633 Hi, Barney Stinson, attorney at law. Let's talk about getting you off. 183 00:10:23,743 --> 00:10:25,176 Oh, hell, no! 184 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,247 Whoa! 185 00:10:31,217 --> 00:10:32,309 Ooh. 186 00:10:37,358 --> 00:10:39,883 Now I get letters from Becca and she's all, 187 00:10:39,994 --> 00:10:42,326 "I'm coming to get you the day I get out of here. 188 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:45,662 "I'm gonna hang your eyes from my rearview mirror. " 189 00:10:46,468 --> 00:10:47,457 Women, huh? 190 00:10:48,703 --> 00:10:51,968 See? You're scared of Becca. Lily's scared of Gasser. 191 00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:54,270 We're staying under the table. 192 00:10:56,913 --> 00:11:00,405 - We don't have to. Stella's gone. - Oh, my gosh. 193 00:11:02,319 --> 00:11:07,848 There, all done, and that's how we do it Ohio-style. 194 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,324 Problem showed up. We avoided it. It went away. 195 00:11:10,427 --> 00:11:11,952 Now we can enjoy our meal in peace... 196 00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:13,030 She's back. 197 00:11:18,536 --> 00:11:22,268 Ted, we all think that you need... Wait, where's Barney? 198 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,112 Ted, we all think that you need to go talk to her. 199 00:11:31,218 --> 00:11:32,242 - I don't. - What? 200 00:11:32,352 --> 00:11:34,479 Yeah, if the last person I wanted to see walked through the door, 201 00:11:34,588 --> 00:11:35,748 I wouldn't say a damn word. 202 00:11:35,856 --> 00:11:37,414 - Really? - And who's that? 203 00:11:37,524 --> 00:11:38,855 My father. 204 00:11:39,459 --> 00:11:42,395 You guys, that other table is off the hook. 205 00:11:42,497 --> 00:11:44,294 - What are we talking about? - Robin's dad. 206 00:11:44,398 --> 00:11:45,695 I haven't spoken to him in three years 207 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,893 - and I don't intend to start now. - Why? 208 00:11:48,703 --> 00:11:50,695 It goes back to the day I was born. 209 00:11:50,806 --> 00:11:52,967 You give me my son now. Push. 210 00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:55,977 Oh, no. 211 00:11:57,746 --> 00:11:58,906 Oh, no. 212 00:11:59,516 --> 00:12:02,815 He wanted a son and the fact that I was a girl didn't change his plan. 213 00:12:02,919 --> 00:12:04,682 What do you mean? 214 00:12:04,787 --> 00:12:08,154 My full legal name is Robin Charles Scherbatsky, Jr. 215 00:12:09,793 --> 00:12:11,283 And it only gets worse from there. 216 00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:15,024 When I was eight, he took me hunting for the first time. 217 00:12:15,132 --> 00:12:18,295 - I don't want to shoot a deer. - Nonsense, R.J. 218 00:12:18,402 --> 00:12:22,601 - Shooting deer is the noblest of pursuits. - But they're cute. 219 00:12:22,707 --> 00:12:27,474 You said the same thing about our rabbits. Remember how delicious they were? 220 00:12:28,313 --> 00:12:31,681 - Over the years, as my body developed... - Hold on a sec. 221 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,251 Sorry, go on. 222 00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:38,149 It became harder and harder for him to pretend I was a boy. 223 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,920 The lowest moment came when I turned 14. 224 00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,690 My peewee hockey team had just won the Squamish invitational 225 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,765 and everyone came back to my house to celebrate. 226 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:49,530 You lads availed yourself splendidly out there on the ice. 227 00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:52,435 Splendidly. You go on outside. 228 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:56,909 I'll come back with an assortment of soft drinks and American pretzels. 229 00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:02,580 Hey, I can't believe you missed that last empty-netter, you hoser. 230 00:13:02,685 --> 00:13:05,677 - You're the hoser. - No, you're the hoser. 231 00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:14,691 What are you doing? 232 00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:18,234 You're teammates, hockey players. 233 00:13:19,203 --> 00:13:24,004 Teammates don't kiss! Hockey players don't kiss! 234 00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:27,576 Oh, my God. 235 00:13:28,814 --> 00:13:30,281 I have no son. 236 00:13:33,785 --> 00:13:36,118 You poor thing. 237 00:13:36,222 --> 00:13:40,682 To have to grow up in Canada with America right there. 238 00:13:40,793 --> 00:13:46,130 That sucks about your dad, Robin, but congratulations on that game. 239 00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:49,732 And Kyle and I weren't even doing anything serious. 240 00:13:49,837 --> 00:13:52,328 - We only went to the blue line. - The blue line? 241 00:13:52,439 --> 00:13:55,432 Yeah, you know how when you're a kid, you put everything into hockey terms? 242 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,738 The blue line is kissing, the red line is getting naked, 243 00:13:57,846 --> 00:14:01,077 and I think "in the crease" speaks for itself. 244 00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:04,812 Anyway, after that, my relationship with my dad pretty much went north. 245 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,150 I moved in with my mom, grew my hair out, 246 00:14:07,256 --> 00:14:10,817 became a Canadian pop star. You know, normal teen stuff. 247 00:14:10,926 --> 00:14:14,089 Don't you think it would feel better to talk to him about all this? 248 00:14:14,196 --> 00:14:17,132 No, that's the point. It wouldn't solve anything. 249 00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:21,364 It's in the past. It's done. I mean, what would I even say to him? 250 00:14:21,471 --> 00:14:23,405 "I wish you hadn't raised me as a boy? 251 00:14:23,507 --> 00:14:25,874 "I wish you hadn't taught me how to hunt 252 00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:28,309 "and fish and smoke cigars and drink Scotch 253 00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:30,210 "because that's not what girls do. 254 00:14:30,315 --> 00:14:32,112 "And you know, the reason I throw like a girl, Dad, 255 00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,151 "is because I am a girl. " 256 00:14:37,423 --> 00:14:40,221 You've held on to that for a long time, huh? 257 00:14:40,326 --> 00:14:41,384 Yeah. 258 00:14:42,127 --> 00:14:44,062 It really messed you up. 259 00:14:44,931 --> 00:14:45,920 Yeah. 260 00:14:46,032 --> 00:14:47,056 - That sucks. - I'm sorry. 261 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,498 That's hot. 262 00:14:49,969 --> 00:14:51,800 And then I realized... 263 00:14:54,041 --> 00:14:56,373 All of my friends were haunted, 264 00:14:56,477 --> 00:14:59,878 but there was a difference between my ghost and theirs. 265 00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,971 It wasn't too late for me. 266 00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,144 - I'm gonna go talk to her. - All right, bud. 267 00:15:10,425 --> 00:15:14,419 - She's gone. I'm going after her. - Go, go. 268 00:15:16,566 --> 00:15:19,296 There she goes! Taxi! 269 00:15:25,476 --> 00:15:27,034 Okay, I see her. She's two cabs ahead on the right. 270 00:15:27,144 --> 00:15:28,372 Just stay with her, okay? 271 00:15:28,479 --> 00:15:31,643 Finally. Finally, you're doing this. You're gonna confront her. 272 00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:33,809 - Yes, I am gonna confront her. - Yeah. 273 00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:35,351 - This is so exciting. - Totally. 274 00:15:35,453 --> 00:15:36,477 What are you going to say? 275 00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:40,958 I'm gonna say, "Stella, I'm sorry things didn't work out. " 276 00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:43,153 - No! - Yes. 277 00:15:43,262 --> 00:15:44,889 We're going to talk about this like adults. 278 00:15:44,997 --> 00:15:48,763 She can tell me her side and I'm going to listen. 279 00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:50,803 Probably should have done a little more of that before. 280 00:15:50,904 --> 00:15:52,565 Driver, can you run us into the nearest lamppost? 281 00:15:52,672 --> 00:15:54,264 Everyone, buckle up. Not you, Ted. 282 00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:59,368 Ted, Ted, you gotta get mad right now. Come on. Dig deep. 283 00:15:59,479 --> 00:16:01,505 Dude, come on. This isn't about me waving my arms, 284 00:16:01,616 --> 00:16:03,243 stamping my feet, and getting really mad. 285 00:16:03,351 --> 00:16:06,149 This is about Stella and I finally communicating. 286 00:16:06,254 --> 00:16:09,087 - I mean, clearly, that was... - Stella hated Star Wars. 287 00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:10,453 She lied to you. 288 00:16:10,559 --> 00:16:13,323 Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true. 289 00:16:14,596 --> 00:16:18,692 - Well, that's her business. - Come on, Ted. She left you at the altar. 290 00:16:18,901 --> 00:16:21,769 - I don't understand! - Ted, in the name of all that is sacred... 291 00:16:21,871 --> 00:16:23,304 Wait, wait, wait! 292 00:16:23,406 --> 00:16:26,170 Where is she going? Her cab just missed the turn for the Lincoln Tunnel. 293 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,868 Why would anybody buy takeout food 294 00:16:27,977 --> 00:16:30,071 and bring it all the way back to New Jersey anyway? 295 00:16:30,181 --> 00:16:32,741 - Maybe she's going to her office. - No. 296 00:16:33,417 --> 00:16:35,647 The waiter asked her, "And will you need utensils?" 297 00:16:35,753 --> 00:16:37,744 And then she said, "No, I'm just going straight home. " 298 00:16:38,255 --> 00:16:41,350 But if she's going home, why are we still heading... 299 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,791 Oh, my God. 300 00:16:43,829 --> 00:16:48,665 Tony lives downtown. Home is Tony's apartment. 301 00:16:48,768 --> 00:16:51,328 She was gonna make me move to New Jersey, 302 00:16:51,437 --> 00:16:54,406 and then she moves into the city with Tony? 303 00:16:55,475 --> 00:16:59,037 - Son of a bitch! - Finally. Finally, buddy. 304 00:16:59,146 --> 00:17:02,013 - I am so angry right now! - I know, and I love it! 305 00:17:04,151 --> 00:17:05,880 Yeah, that is awesome! 306 00:17:05,986 --> 00:17:09,445 Sir, we'd be happy to cover the cost of that window crank. 307 00:17:09,591 --> 00:17:12,287 - I love angry Ted! - So do I! 308 00:17:13,795 --> 00:17:17,288 - Let it out, baby. Let it out. - She's stopping. 309 00:17:17,399 --> 00:17:20,300 - It is on. It is on! - Yes, Ted. 310 00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:22,996 - Go get her, buddy! - Go get rid of your demons! 311 00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:24,163 My leg is asleep! 312 00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:26,673 - Okay, wait, wait, wait. Wait, hold on. - Lily, what are you doing? 313 00:17:26,776 --> 00:17:29,074 No, no, no. This is all right, hold on. 314 00:17:29,179 --> 00:17:32,546 Look, Ted, it's great that you're angry right now... 315 00:17:32,649 --> 00:17:34,674 - It sure is. - Yes. 316 00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:39,085 And that you're finally dealing with this, but you only get one shot here. 317 00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:43,786 Let's just take a beat and think about what you're gonna say. 318 00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:47,332 I know exactly what I'm gonna say. Yeah. 319 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,577 You picked the wrong guy. 320 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:00,570 Ted. 321 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,482 You picked the wrong guy. 322 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:10,213 You made a really, really, really bad choice. 323 00:18:11,859 --> 00:18:16,729 What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? 324 00:18:16,831 --> 00:18:19,959 Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? 325 00:18:20,068 --> 00:18:22,161 You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? 326 00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:23,897 You are going to regret this, 327 00:18:24,005 --> 00:18:25,701 and now there is nothing you can do about it 328 00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:27,639 because it's too late. 329 00:18:28,477 --> 00:18:33,938 All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life 330 00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:38,545 that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. 331 00:18:39,823 --> 00:18:41,154 Goodbye. 332 00:18:41,258 --> 00:18:42,623 - Ted, wait. - Look, Stella, 333 00:18:42,726 --> 00:18:45,457 I am not here to win you back. 334 00:18:45,563 --> 00:18:48,828 I am here because I need to know that you know 335 00:18:50,068 --> 00:18:53,903 - you made the biggest mistake of your life. - I know. 336 00:18:57,743 --> 00:18:58,801 Good. 337 00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:03,408 That's what I'm gonna say. 338 00:19:04,651 --> 00:19:06,414 - Cold-blooded. - Yeah, that's good. 339 00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:07,884 Go say that. 340 00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:12,016 Thanks. 341 00:19:12,459 --> 00:19:15,327 So I got out of the cab, ready to say all of that stuff, 342 00:19:15,429 --> 00:19:17,795 ready to explode, but then... 343 00:19:17,898 --> 00:19:20,025 - Mommy! Hey. 344 00:19:21,335 --> 00:19:22,860 Hi, sweetie. Me first. Me first. 345 00:19:24,072 --> 00:19:25,937 It all just went away. 346 00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:34,014 And that was it. In that moment, I wasn't angry anymore. 347 00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:37,842 I could see Stella was meant to be with Tony. 348 00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,653 Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger 349 00:19:41,759 --> 00:19:43,852 or throw it in someone's face. 350 00:19:43,961 --> 00:19:47,556 But there's a third option, you can just let it go. 351 00:19:47,665 --> 00:19:49,496 And only when you do that is it really gone, 352 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,466 and you can move forward. 353 00:19:51,569 --> 00:19:55,835 And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. 354 00:19:55,940 --> 00:20:00,707 It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there waiting for me.