1 00:00:02,223 --> 00:00:03,952 Kids, in the fall of 2008, 2 00:00:04,058 --> 00:00:06,890 your aunt Robin was unemployed and a little bit adrift. 3 00:00:06,993 --> 00:00:09,360 So she valued her friendship with Lily more than ever. 4 00:00:09,463 --> 00:00:12,296 Hey, so I hear Marshall has to work late on Friday. 5 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,391 You know what that means. Ladies' night. 6 00:00:14,502 --> 00:00:17,402 Oh, actually one of the teachers at my school, Jillian, 7 00:00:17,504 --> 00:00:20,996 - is having a birthday party. - Oh, okay. 8 00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:22,132 What? 9 00:00:22,243 --> 00:00:25,507 It's just, I've never even heard of this Jillian person before, 10 00:00:25,612 --> 00:00:29,241 and suddenly she's like your best friend. You can't shut up about her. 11 00:00:29,349 --> 00:00:31,840 Don't be jealous. You and I hang out all the time. 12 00:00:31,951 --> 00:00:33,713 Yeah, but Marshall's always there. 13 00:00:33,819 --> 00:00:37,278 We don't get a lot of quality time to talk, just the two of us. 14 00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:38,982 That's not true. 15 00:00:39,325 --> 00:00:42,157 So that's when the story gets really good. 16 00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:44,126 So, we go to the... 17 00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:45,890 - Hey. - Hey. 18 00:00:46,965 --> 00:00:51,902 ...place. And then that guy asks about the thing with the stuff 19 00:00:52,004 --> 00:00:54,131 that I told you about at that place that time. 20 00:00:54,239 --> 00:00:58,141 Long story short, events transpired. 21 00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:02,171 Oh, my God. You and the guy from the mayor's office 22 00:01:02,281 --> 00:01:06,945 did it in the UN building under the desk of the ambassador from Zaire? Nice. 23 00:01:07,685 --> 00:01:09,482 I just wish we could have some girl time. 24 00:01:09,587 --> 00:01:12,954 I love Marshall, but he's always talk-blocking me. 25 00:01:13,057 --> 00:01:15,356 So come out with me and Jillian then. 26 00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:19,123 Okay, but I don't want to stay out too late because... 27 00:01:19,263 --> 00:01:23,029 Remember that thing last month after I went to the place? 28 00:01:23,134 --> 00:01:26,967 Well, you-know-who said it's fine, but she gave me some stuff. 29 00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:29,869 You still got that yeast infection, huh? 30 00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:45,121 Marshall, 31 00:01:45,222 --> 00:01:47,782 - I want you to enjoy this moment. - What moment? 32 00:01:47,891 --> 00:01:51,986 The last moment of you and I being even slightly in competition 33 00:01:52,094 --> 00:01:53,561 for the title of Ted's best friend. 34 00:01:53,663 --> 00:01:56,325 - Marshall's my best friend. - Exactly. It's a tie. 35 00:01:56,733 --> 00:01:58,166 But all of that is about to change. 36 00:01:58,268 --> 00:02:01,828 Ted, am I correct that you are an architect? 37 00:02:01,937 --> 00:02:04,531 My best friend would really know that, but go on. 38 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,542 And what are you currently designing? 39 00:02:07,643 --> 00:02:10,305 Actually, we're renovating the new York Public Library. 40 00:02:10,412 --> 00:02:14,644 - Wow, Ted, that's huge! - No, not the New York Public Library. 41 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:18,207 It's the new public library in York, North Dakota. 42 00:02:18,319 --> 00:02:21,778 Their books are in two sections, fishing and non-fishing. 43 00:02:22,424 --> 00:02:25,984 Then I think you are going to really like what happened at work today. 44 00:02:26,427 --> 00:02:29,225 And so, while those bribes did destabilize the regime 45 00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:31,560 and caused the death of most of the royal family, 46 00:02:31,666 --> 00:02:35,329 it did lead to looser banking regulations in Rangoon. 47 00:02:35,436 --> 00:02:38,269 So yay us. Okay, last order of business. 48 00:02:38,373 --> 00:02:40,364 It's been decided we're going to move forward with plans 49 00:02:40,475 --> 00:02:43,807 for Goliath National Bank's new downtown headquarters. 50 00:02:44,278 --> 00:02:47,407 - Well, who's gonna design it? - Was my first question. 51 00:02:47,882 --> 00:02:49,144 Who's gonna design it? 52 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,547 We've already approached one firm about it. 53 00:02:50,652 --> 00:02:53,779 This Swedish architecture collective called Sven. 54 00:02:54,488 --> 00:02:57,355 Sven? Sven? 55 00:02:58,025 --> 00:03:00,493 Sven was this Swedish architecture collective 56 00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:04,394 revered for their bold, innovative designs. I hated those guys. 57 00:03:04,498 --> 00:03:08,558 I hate those guys. Swedish architecture collective. 58 00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:10,226 - Lame. - Pretentious. 59 00:03:10,336 --> 00:03:12,567 "We're not a company. We're a collective. " 60 00:03:12,673 --> 00:03:15,301 I know. "We are Swedish. 61 00:03:15,409 --> 00:03:20,072 "We are so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower. " 62 00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:22,443 Dude, Sweden's not France. You know that, right? 63 00:03:22,582 --> 00:03:23,947 Oh, it's France. 64 00:03:25,017 --> 00:03:27,485 So anyway, I say to Bilson... 65 00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:29,978 Bilson, with all due respect... 66 00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:33,350 No, I stand up, and I say to Bilson... 67 00:03:33,826 --> 00:03:36,055 Bilson, with all due respect... 68 00:03:36,194 --> 00:03:39,961 Music. Imagine patriotic music playing. 69 00:03:41,567 --> 00:03:45,969 Bilson, with all due respect, it would be terrible 70 00:03:46,071 --> 00:03:51,337 if a job that could go to a hard-working American architecture firm 71 00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:54,310 went to a bunch of French guys. 72 00:03:54,412 --> 00:03:58,041 Where is our patriotism? Our sense of country? 73 00:03:58,149 --> 00:04:01,481 - Our love of all that is... - Look, Stinson, 74 00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:04,486 no one hates every other country in the world as much as I do, 75 00:04:04,588 --> 00:04:07,080 - but you better have a point. - I do. 76 00:04:07,192 --> 00:04:11,525 I know a fantastic American architect who would be perfect for the job. 77 00:04:11,629 --> 00:04:12,926 Ted Mosby. 78 00:04:13,464 --> 00:04:15,955 So, all you gotta do is come in, pitch your design, 79 00:04:16,066 --> 00:04:18,500 I get the board to approve it, and the job is yours. 80 00:04:18,602 --> 00:04:21,594 Do you realize what a hero I would be if I brought this project to my firm? 81 00:04:21,705 --> 00:04:23,002 And that's not even the best part. 82 00:04:23,107 --> 00:04:25,337 All three of us are gonna be working together. 83 00:04:25,442 --> 00:04:28,171 - Ted can be on the conference call. - He can totally be on the conference call. 84 00:04:28,277 --> 00:04:30,302 - What's the conference call? - The way it works is, 85 00:04:30,413 --> 00:04:32,712 one of us will duck into the other's office and say... 86 00:04:33,150 --> 00:04:36,209 Marshall, the conference call's about to start. 87 00:04:36,619 --> 00:04:38,382 I'm sorry, guys. I gotta go. 88 00:04:38,488 --> 00:04:42,447 And then we go up to the roof of the building and drink beer. 89 00:04:42,558 --> 00:04:44,651 This is awesome. 90 00:04:44,761 --> 00:04:47,730 - Drinking at work. - We're basically madmen. 91 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,355 We are! We're such mad men! 92 00:04:50,466 --> 00:04:52,262 I'm gonna go smack a secretary on the ass. 93 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:55,359 That's totally what they would do on that show. 94 00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:56,937 What show? 95 00:04:57,607 --> 00:05:01,872 And then, we throw crumpled up beer cans at pigeons. 96 00:05:02,411 --> 00:05:05,278 - I don't do that. - I totally want to do that. 97 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:06,870 Well, I am gonna make that happen. 98 00:05:06,982 --> 00:05:10,109 Seriously, Barney, after everything I went through with Stella, 99 00:05:10,218 --> 00:05:13,346 getting me this opportunity... It really means a lot. 100 00:05:13,455 --> 00:05:16,447 It really did. You see, kids, when I became an architect, 101 00:05:16,558 --> 00:05:20,891 I had one dream, to contribute a building to the skyline of New York City. 102 00:05:20,995 --> 00:05:23,590 I wanted to be able to point to one of those buildings and say, 103 00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:27,134 "See that one? That one right there? That's mine. " 104 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,868 This job was my opportunity to do just that. 105 00:05:36,342 --> 00:05:38,243 Wow! Your friend's having her birthday here? 106 00:05:38,345 --> 00:05:42,975 - What's she turning, 19? - No. Believe me, this isn't her scene. 107 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,413 She probably just didn't know what kind of place this was. 108 00:05:45,518 --> 00:05:49,853 Lily! Over here, you sexy bitch! We've got bottle service! 109 00:05:52,892 --> 00:05:56,419 Oh, my God! At school, she's so quiet and normal. 110 00:05:56,529 --> 00:06:00,397 I had no idea she's... She's a woo girl. 111 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,660 What's a woo girl? Let me explain. 112 00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:05,499 A woo girl is a type of young woman 113 00:06:05,605 --> 00:06:07,835 who, like the cuckoo bird or the whip-poor-will, 114 00:06:07,941 --> 00:06:10,272 gets her name from the signature sound she makes. 115 00:06:12,211 --> 00:06:14,736 Now, a "woo" can be elicited in many different ways. 116 00:06:15,314 --> 00:06:17,112 From a certain song coming on the jukebox... 117 00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:23,284 Oh, my God, this song is totally about me. 118 00:06:24,823 --> 00:06:26,586 ...to half-priced shots. 119 00:06:29,094 --> 00:06:30,789 From a ride on a mechanical bull... 120 00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,423 ...to, well, pretty much anything. 121 00:06:36,534 --> 00:06:39,469 Oh, my God, I was worried that I didn't feed the cat, 122 00:06:39,570 --> 00:06:42,039 but then I remembered that I did! 123 00:06:44,809 --> 00:06:48,802 I swear, at school Jillian seems so unwoo-y. 124 00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,672 Yeah, she doesn't look woo-ish. 125 00:06:51,783 --> 00:06:53,750 Maybe she only observes the High Holidays, 126 00:06:53,850 --> 00:06:57,912 like Mardi Gras and spring break. Maybe she's just a cultural woo. 127 00:06:59,257 --> 00:07:02,191 Now, go easy on me. It's a work in progress. 128 00:07:04,928 --> 00:07:06,418 Ted, this is amazing. 129 00:07:06,530 --> 00:07:10,296 The detail. The shading. The playfulness of the lines. 130 00:07:11,101 --> 00:07:14,593 This is exactly what Princess Leia would look like topless. 131 00:07:14,704 --> 00:07:16,262 My way of saying thanks. 132 00:07:16,373 --> 00:07:19,170 So, you want to see my designs for the building? 133 00:07:19,275 --> 00:07:20,867 No, I'm good. 134 00:07:21,143 --> 00:07:24,477 Hey. - Hey. So get this. Lily just texted me. 135 00:07:24,581 --> 00:07:28,311 She's at that bar Giddy Ups with a bunch of woo girls. 136 00:07:30,686 --> 00:07:34,646 Oh, my God, you guys. My boob just fell out of my top at the bar. 137 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,918 Trick! I pulled it out for a free drink! 138 00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:43,157 So, Jillian, I hear when you're not flashing bartenders, 139 00:07:43,265 --> 00:07:45,664 you teach the second grade. What's that like? 140 00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:48,828 So rewarding. I don't know if you're familiar with the RIE technique, 141 00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:52,339 but it derives from the progressive educational philosophy of Rudolf Steiner, 142 00:07:52,441 --> 00:07:53,702 who founded the Waldorf School, which... 143 00:07:55,076 --> 00:08:00,070 Oh, my God. I love this song! Come on, you lazy skanks. Let's dance! 144 00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:07,648 - You, too, you dumb whores. - No, thank you, you ignorant hussy. 145 00:08:09,891 --> 00:08:12,859 Why, Lily Aldrin, you sly minx. 146 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,691 I've been saying for years that our gang needed a woo girl, 147 00:08:15,797 --> 00:08:17,822 and here you've been hiding a whole batch of them from me. 148 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:20,957 We do not need a woo girl. No one needs a woo girl. 149 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:25,937 Be careful, Lily. The world absolutely needs woo girls. 150 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,304 If there were no woo girls, there'd be no Girls Gone Wild, 151 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:33,539 no bachelorette parties, no Las Vegas poolside bars. 152 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,740 All the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone. 153 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:37,873 Those are none of the things... 154 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:41,477 The souvenir shot glass industry would collapse. 155 00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:46,547 So would the body glitter industry and the stretch Hummer rental industry. 156 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:52,288 Tiny cowboy hats would be worn only by tiny cowboys. 157 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:56,523 And when Brown Eyed Girl would come up on the jukebox, 158 00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:59,730 all you would hear would be silence. 159 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,403 And Brown Eyed Girl. 160 00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:07,573 But who would woo, Lily? Who would woo? 161 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,444 Would you? 162 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,551 Would you woo? 163 00:09:14,319 --> 00:09:16,480 Who wants to name my boobs? 164 00:09:20,025 --> 00:09:23,961 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Hannity and Colmes. 165 00:09:26,097 --> 00:09:28,496 Over the next couple of weeks, I dove into work. 166 00:09:28,632 --> 00:09:31,499 It felt great to be working on something that I really cared about. 167 00:09:31,602 --> 00:09:33,696 Finally, the morning of the presentation arrived. 168 00:09:34,306 --> 00:09:40,403 And we believe this timeless design will radiate the strength and stability 169 00:09:40,511 --> 00:09:44,003 that is Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen. 170 00:09:47,518 --> 00:09:50,214 I left there feeling pretty good about my chances. 171 00:09:50,321 --> 00:09:52,118 Later that night, we ran into Barney. 172 00:09:52,256 --> 00:09:55,153 Hey, Barney! Give me the good news. 173 00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:58,989 - You didn't get it. - What? 174 00:09:59,096 --> 00:10:01,724 The board decided to go with Sven. 175 00:10:14,143 --> 00:10:18,136 I can't believe I didn't get it. I really thought I nailed the pitch. 176 00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:19,680 Why would they go with Sven? 177 00:10:19,782 --> 00:10:22,011 I did everything I could to change their minds. 178 00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:27,488 - But they wouldn't budge. I'm sorry. - Wow, this really sucks. 179 00:10:28,358 --> 00:10:31,690 After the way these last couple of months have gone, 180 00:10:31,793 --> 00:10:34,660 I guess I needed this more than I thought I did. 181 00:10:35,163 --> 00:10:36,494 Hey, 182 00:10:37,532 --> 00:10:42,765 you want to go down to the current GNB building and just, like... I don't know. 183 00:10:43,739 --> 00:10:45,866 Just pee on it a little bit? 184 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,204 Yeah. Yeah, I think I need that. 185 00:10:51,213 --> 00:10:53,579 Finish your beer. Fill the tank. 186 00:10:57,518 --> 00:11:00,487 - What happened? - Ted didn't get that job. 187 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:04,423 But that's not the biggest disappointment of the day. 188 00:11:04,525 --> 00:11:06,959 - What? - We saw you woo. 189 00:11:07,595 --> 00:11:09,654 - Saw who woo? - Saw you woo. 190 00:11:09,764 --> 00:11:11,356 - I didn't woo. - You did, too. 191 00:11:11,465 --> 00:11:14,092 - That's not true. - Your nose just grew. 192 00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:17,332 So what, you're like best friends with Jillian now? 193 00:11:17,438 --> 00:11:21,271 No. It's just... You're married, Lily, but I'm still single. 194 00:11:21,374 --> 00:11:24,901 Whenever I hang out with you, I'm usually the third wheel to you and Marshall. 195 00:11:25,011 --> 00:11:27,241 Sometimes it's fun to go out with other single women 196 00:11:27,347 --> 00:11:31,010 - and do stuff that you don't want to. - Like what? 197 00:11:31,117 --> 00:11:33,950 Like woo, Lily. Like woo. 198 00:11:34,054 --> 00:11:35,749 - I can woo. - That's not true. 199 00:11:35,855 --> 00:11:38,288 - I can, too. - It's just not you. 200 00:11:41,293 --> 00:11:42,521 - Bilson. - Yeah? 201 00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:47,224 Hey. Look, I just want to say, I know you guys went with Sven, 202 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,232 but Ted Mosby is tremendously talented, 203 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,859 and I think he would have done a hell of a job. 204 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:54,461 I agree. That's why I voted for him. 205 00:11:55,274 --> 00:11:56,331 So, then, it's agreed. 206 00:11:56,441 --> 00:12:00,105 From now on, all ATM fees are now called freedom charges. 207 00:12:00,612 --> 00:12:02,239 Conference call. Now. 208 00:12:06,451 --> 00:12:09,011 - You got something you want to tell me? - Oh, damn it. 209 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,113 I told Heather to put everything back on your desk the way it was. 210 00:12:12,224 --> 00:12:16,319 Bilson told me he wanted to give the job to Ted. So what happened? 211 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,997 Okay, fine. 212 00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:24,862 ...will radiate the strength and stability 213 00:12:24,969 --> 00:12:28,427 that is Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen. 214 00:12:36,747 --> 00:12:39,806 - So? - That was great. I love it. 215 00:12:39,916 --> 00:12:44,046 Yes! Looks like we got our guy. I don't think we even need to meet with... 216 00:12:45,689 --> 00:12:47,088 I am Sven Jorgensen. 217 00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:51,024 With me are Sven Pilsen and Sven Johanssen, and we are Sven! 218 00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:52,755 - Sven! - Sven! 219 00:12:52,863 --> 00:12:54,626 You are Goliath National Bank. 220 00:12:54,731 --> 00:12:57,824 You are cutting edge. You are new. You are fresh. 221 00:12:57,933 --> 00:13:00,401 Women want to be with you, men wish to harm you, 222 00:13:00,503 --> 00:13:03,905 but the fool who dares challenge you shall be crushed! 223 00:13:04,007 --> 00:13:06,873 Your headquarters will tell the world of these facts. 224 00:13:06,976 --> 00:13:09,536 And one more thing, don't look now! 225 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,975 Which of you is Barney Stinson, head of the search committee? 226 00:13:14,082 --> 00:13:15,812 Oh, my God. That's me! 227 00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:19,046 You, Barney Stinson, are a man of power and virility. 228 00:13:19,155 --> 00:13:22,749 Your office shall be here, in the head of a Tyrannosaurus rex! 229 00:13:22,857 --> 00:13:26,020 I never knew it till now, but I've always dreamed of that. 230 00:13:26,127 --> 00:13:30,030 On your large desk of Honduran rosewood shall be this button. 231 00:13:30,132 --> 00:13:33,692 - What does the button do? - Press it! Press it for glory! 232 00:13:37,839 --> 00:13:41,969 Yes! This is the most awesome building in the universe. 233 00:13:42,076 --> 00:13:44,636 There is no way this building could be more awesome. 234 00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:47,442 There is a strip club in the letter N. 235 00:13:50,717 --> 00:13:54,118 What the hell is the matter with you? This is Ted's big break! 236 00:13:54,221 --> 00:13:55,917 And then you sold him out because you wanted to work 237 00:13:56,024 --> 00:13:57,820 in the brain of a Tyrannosaurus rex, 238 00:13:57,925 --> 00:13:59,950 which, incidentally, if you knew anything about dinosaurs, 239 00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:04,292 - is really, really small. - Marshall, this isn't about my office. 240 00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:06,888 Ted's building was good. Sven's was better. 241 00:14:06,999 --> 00:14:11,437 And I am not going to let the fact that I am Ted's best friend be a factor in business. 242 00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:13,096 You didn't pick Sven's building because it was better. 243 00:14:13,207 --> 00:14:15,436 You picked it because you wanted to work in a cool dinosaur office. 244 00:14:15,541 --> 00:14:19,637 That's a lie! I picked it because it... 245 00:14:20,246 --> 00:14:22,510 It breathes fire, Marshall. 246 00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:25,040 Fire marshal. 247 00:14:26,719 --> 00:14:29,449 - I didn't even notice. - How could you do this to Ted 248 00:14:29,555 --> 00:14:31,317 after everything he's been through with Stella? 249 00:14:31,423 --> 00:14:32,913 You're just being selfish. 250 00:14:33,024 --> 00:14:37,086 Marshall, I would never make a business decision for selfish reasons. 251 00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:39,823 I am a professional. Now, come on. 252 00:14:39,931 --> 00:14:42,491 Let's get a nice daytime drunk going, and throw empties at pigeons. 253 00:14:42,601 --> 00:14:44,694 No. No. For two reasons. 254 00:14:44,803 --> 00:14:47,796 One, pigeons are smarter than you think. They hold grudges. 255 00:14:47,907 --> 00:14:52,240 And, two, this is our last conference call, Mr. Stinson. 256 00:14:52,344 --> 00:14:54,369 There are repercussions to screwing over a friend. 257 00:14:54,479 --> 00:14:56,003 - Like what? - Like this. 258 00:14:58,782 --> 00:14:59,840 Hey. 259 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:27,003 Oh, my God, you guys. Last night, we raised $10,000 for my charity 260 00:15:27,111 --> 00:15:31,138 to help combat childhood illiteracy. It's a really serious issue. 261 00:15:33,883 --> 00:15:38,911 Someone just earned herself an ass-first ride down the dance floor spank canyon! 262 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,330 Lily, what are you doing here? 263 00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:52,663 Oh, just doing the fun things you single girls do. 264 00:15:52,769 --> 00:15:55,169 What's with the plastic fireman's hat? 265 00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:59,570 I didn't have a cowboy hat, and today was fire safety day at school, so... 266 00:16:00,976 --> 00:16:06,039 - Oh, my God, bitch. This is our anthem. - Really? Who sings this? 267 00:16:07,582 --> 00:16:09,880 Is LL Cool J still doing things? 268 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,283 This is great, Svens. 269 00:16:13,622 --> 00:16:15,714 You guys are so much cooler than Marshall. 270 00:16:15,823 --> 00:16:18,018 He doesn't even own a unitard. 271 00:16:18,592 --> 00:16:21,858 - Who wants a brew? - I don't understand. 272 00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:24,156 Where is the conference call? 273 00:16:24,265 --> 00:16:27,063 No, no. This is the conference call. Get it? 274 00:16:27,168 --> 00:16:31,161 In America, when we work late, we lie about a conference call, 275 00:16:31,272 --> 00:16:34,105 and we come up here and we drink a few beers. It's awesome. 276 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:36,768 This is a waste of time. Push-ups! 277 00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:42,439 Misty, you are such a slut. Let's do another shot. 278 00:16:44,551 --> 00:16:47,783 You're the slut, you skank. Shots are on you. 279 00:16:49,522 --> 00:16:52,685 No, bitch, shots are on you. You're such a whore. 280 00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:58,320 You're all a bunch of prostitutes. You probably have STDs. 281 00:17:02,502 --> 00:17:04,026 Let's go dance. 282 00:17:08,941 --> 00:17:11,308 Lily, this isn't working. You shouldn't be here. 283 00:17:11,411 --> 00:17:14,938 I get it. Because I'm happily married, I'm some kind of loser? 284 00:17:15,048 --> 00:17:16,571 Exactly the opposite. 285 00:17:16,682 --> 00:17:19,947 Lily, why do you think the woo girls have to woo 286 00:17:20,052 --> 00:17:23,987 when they win a game of beer pong, or when a hot guy takes his shirt off? 287 00:17:24,088 --> 00:17:29,152 It's because that is as good as life gets for them. They're really sad people. 288 00:17:29,661 --> 00:17:31,993 And when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out, 289 00:17:32,097 --> 00:17:36,465 someone like you, it bums them out. It takes away their woo. 290 00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:39,867 You're just saying that so I don't feel like an old married lady. 291 00:17:39,972 --> 00:17:42,064 Look at those girls, Lily. 292 00:17:42,173 --> 00:17:45,609 Look at them and listen to what their woos are really saying. 293 00:18:07,964 --> 00:18:13,732 Oh, those poor girls and Ted. I just want to go give them all a hug. 294 00:18:13,837 --> 00:18:19,605 Lily, right now I'm like them. I'm unemployed, I'm single, I'm a little lost. 295 00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:23,175 So every once in a while, I need to woo. 296 00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:27,881 But when I need to talk about something real, you're the one I turn to. 297 00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:31,012 - You're my best friend. - And you're mine. 298 00:18:31,121 --> 00:18:34,055 And I promise I'll make more time for just us. 299 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,886 Marshall doesn't have to tag along to everything we do. 300 00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:39,483 Hey, have you guys tried these purple hooter test tube shots? 301 00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:42,324 I've had like five of them. I don't even think there's alcohol in here. 302 00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:44,922 - Where'd you get that hat? - What hat? 303 00:18:48,137 --> 00:18:51,503 - Hey. We fired Sven. - What? 304 00:18:51,606 --> 00:18:55,565 Yeah, those guys were idiots. I mean, sure, they had some cool ideas. 305 00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,579 Some really cool ideas. Actually, I wonder if it's not too late to... 306 00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:02,582 No! The point is, you got the job. 307 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:03,708 - Really? - Yeah. 308 00:19:03,818 --> 00:19:06,548 The search committee realized they made the wrong decision. 309 00:19:06,654 --> 00:19:11,318 Plus, you really mean a lot to them and they want you to be happy. 310 00:19:11,426 --> 00:19:13,018 That's weird. 311 00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:16,687 Look, Ted, your design was the best, and you deserve it. 312 00:19:18,832 --> 00:19:20,527 There's also something that you should know 313 00:19:20,634 --> 00:19:24,002 about why you didn't get the job in the first place. 314 00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:26,095 - You see, Ted... - It was Bilson. 315 00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,673 Yeah, yeah. 316 00:19:27,774 --> 00:19:31,266 Bilson just wanted to have an office in a dinosaur head, 317 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:34,175 but Barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid. 318 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,584 - Well, you know. - Oh. Thank you, Barney. 319 00:19:38,268 --> 00:19:39,462 What... I can't believe this. 320 00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:42,470 I just got our firm the biggest account we've ever had. 321 00:19:45,675 --> 00:19:48,041 Hey, next round's on me. 322 00:19:52,281 --> 00:19:54,476 Why'd you let me off the hook? 323 00:19:55,084 --> 00:19:58,645 You did the right thing. Seemed like you deserved a bye. 324 00:19:59,121 --> 00:20:02,955 Plus, it would have really bummed Ted out, and he's finally happy right now. 325 00:20:03,059 --> 00:20:05,527 Yeah. Well. 326 00:20:06,696 --> 00:20:09,061 You really are Ted's best friend. 327 00:20:10,632 --> 00:20:14,899 And so am I. It's a tie. Thanks, Marshall. 328 00:20:15,004 --> 00:20:17,528 Marshall wound up caving and telling me the truth about Barney, 329 00:20:17,639 --> 00:20:19,038 like ten minutes later. 330 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:21,665 At which point we tied Uncle Barney to the mechanical bull, 331 00:20:21,776 --> 00:20:23,971 cranked it up to a setting called "paint mixer,"and went home. 332 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,611 - I love you, man. - Love you, too, buddy. 333 00:20:27,716 --> 00:20:29,274 Hey, you going to ride the bull tonight? 334 00:20:29,384 --> 00:20:32,547 No, not if you paid me. I have an inner ear thing. 335 00:20:32,721 --> 00:20:34,881 It was a pretty great night. 336 00:20:38,292 --> 00:20:40,692 Three hours. That's a bar record. 337 00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:43,492 That's right, ladies. 338 00:20:44,798 --> 00:20:48,825 Jillian, you know what'd be really crazy and funny and stupid to do tonight? 339 00:20:48,936 --> 00:20:51,961 If you and me find a guy and have a three-way. 340 00:20:52,572 --> 00:20:55,041 Maybe, if we found the right guy. 341 00:20:55,843 --> 00:21:00,279 Yeah, and if we don't find the right guy, maybe you and I could just... 342 00:21:00,380 --> 00:21:04,749 You know who was pretty cute? That guy Ted. Let's go find him.