1 00:00:01,578 --> 00:00:03,205 Kids, in the winter of 2009, 2 00:00:03,313 --> 00:00:05,281 Aunt Robin and I had just become roommates. 3 00:00:05,382 --> 00:00:07,475 And to be honest, it wasn't going very smoothly. 4 00:00:07,851 --> 00:00:09,409 Ooh, that looks good. I'm gonna get some. 5 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,284 - Mmm. There's no more milk. - No, I just saw some in the fridge. 6 00:00:12,389 --> 00:00:14,220 - Empty. - So throw it out. 7 00:00:14,324 --> 00:00:17,418 - The trash can's full. - So take the trash out. 8 00:00:17,528 --> 00:00:19,155 I'm eating cereal. 9 00:00:19,997 --> 00:00:23,296 You know, when I asked you to be my roommate, I figured, 10 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,595 "She's a girl, she'll be neat. " 11 00:00:25,702 --> 00:00:28,796 But no, you're Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. 12 00:00:29,773 --> 00:00:31,741 You know what, Ted? Instead of coming up with 13 00:00:31,842 --> 00:00:34,436 hot-off-the-press topical references like that, 14 00:00:34,545 --> 00:00:39,312 maybe you should spend a little time, I don't know, washing a dish ever. 15 00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:41,611 Oh, darn, I can't. 16 00:00:41,718 --> 00:00:43,413 I'm too busy leaving a plate of cookies 17 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,489 for the magical elf who changes the toilet paper roll. 18 00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:49,582 Wait, there's no elf. It's always me! 19 00:00:49,693 --> 00:00:51,524 I always change it. You never do! 20 00:00:51,628 --> 00:00:53,152 - That is ridiculous! - No, I went in there yesterday... 21 00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:55,891 - I changed it the last five times. - Stop! Stop! 22 00:00:55,999 --> 00:00:57,967 What is going on? 23 00:00:58,068 --> 00:01:00,901 When we were dating each other, we were practically living together 24 00:01:01,004 --> 00:01:05,600 - and we didn't drive each other this crazy. - I know. What happened? 25 00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:08,940 You know what it is? We were having sex. 26 00:01:09,046 --> 00:01:13,346 Men and women need sex to live together. It solves all disputes. 27 00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:15,850 Oh, like Barney's theory about world peace? 28 00:01:16,486 --> 00:01:21,185 So I explained to her, I said, "Madeline, every single international conflict 29 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:24,954 "essentially boils down to sexual tension. " 30 00:01:25,062 --> 00:01:27,587 - Every international conflict? - Every single one, dude. 31 00:01:27,698 --> 00:01:30,758 So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by... 32 00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:33,392 - Gaza strippers. Next. - Uh-huh. 33 00:01:33,503 --> 00:01:36,961 - Apartheid? - Apart thighs. What else you got? 34 00:01:37,674 --> 00:01:39,471 Cold War? 35 00:01:39,576 --> 00:01:42,943 "Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants. " 36 00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:48,478 Well, guess we should just start having sex, then. 37 00:01:49,653 --> 00:01:51,086 Yeah, right. 38 00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:54,956 - Wow. - I know. 39 00:01:55,058 --> 00:01:58,550 - It's like riding a bike, huh, buddy? - Riding a bike upside down, maybe. 40 00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:02,795 Okay, listen. If this is gonna happen on occasion, 41 00:02:02,899 --> 00:02:05,265 we can't tell anyone about this. Deal? 42 00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:06,631 - Deal. - Deal. 43 00:02:24,354 --> 00:02:26,481 - Marshall, Marshall... - What the hell are you guys doing? 44 00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:28,615 What, are you guys back together? 45 00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:31,353 No. We're just having sex so we don't fight anymore. 46 00:02:31,495 --> 00:02:35,727 Oh, that's a great idea. No, really. Two thumbs up, guys. 47 00:02:35,832 --> 00:02:40,531 Hey, I just looked into the future and that works out really great for everyone. 48 00:02:40,637 --> 00:02:42,400 What are you even doing here? 49 00:02:42,506 --> 00:02:47,000 I was on my way to work and I just had to drop by here 50 00:02:47,110 --> 00:02:48,941 to read this magazine. 51 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:54,413 - In that room over there. - Oh, I get it. 52 00:02:54,518 --> 00:02:57,248 - No problem, buddy. - Uh... Yes, a problem, buddy. 53 00:02:57,354 --> 00:03:00,551 You came all the way over here to read a magazine? 54 00:03:00,657 --> 00:03:04,991 I'm willing to bet that there is a place to read a magazine at work. 55 00:03:05,095 --> 00:03:07,723 You know, a room with a little man on the door? 56 00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:12,564 Okay, Robin. Come on. Nobody likes to read a magazine at work. 57 00:03:12,669 --> 00:03:15,661 I mean, you walk out of your office holding a magazine 58 00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:19,903 and that magazine is saying one thing and one thing only. 59 00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:23,275 Hey, everyone, look at what Marshall's about to do! 60 00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:25,847 Marshall's about to read a big old magazine 61 00:03:25,948 --> 00:03:28,416 in the bathroom that you all share with him. 62 00:03:31,387 --> 00:03:32,786 Well, have you thought about 63 00:03:32,888 --> 00:03:35,721 maybe not reading a magazine when you read a magazine? 64 00:03:35,825 --> 00:03:39,693 You gotta read a magazine. I mean, that's why there's magazines. 65 00:03:39,795 --> 00:03:41,558 Otherwise, it's just time you're not getting back. 66 00:03:41,664 --> 00:03:44,599 Exactly. And the worst part is this, 67 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:48,033 that stretch of hallway from my door to that restroom 68 00:03:48,137 --> 00:03:52,073 is a gauntlet of judging eyes. 69 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,007 You got my boss... 70 00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:57,011 We all know exactly what you're about to do. 71 00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,842 her boss... 72 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,944 Hey, Eriksen, why don't you just move your desk in there? 73 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,254 ...I -Can't-Believe-He-Has-A-Wife Donald. 74 00:04:06,355 --> 00:04:08,482 Oh, sweetie, so obvious. 75 00:04:10,559 --> 00:04:16,657 - Anyways, I just would rather do that here. - No, I'm sorry. This is our apartment now. 76 00:04:16,766 --> 00:04:20,463 Marshall, you have to read a magazine someplace else. 77 00:04:20,569 --> 00:04:23,060 - Give me your key. - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 78 00:04:23,172 --> 00:04:24,901 - Marshall? - I seem to recall 79 00:04:25,007 --> 00:04:27,771 a deal being struck between three parties 80 00:04:27,877 --> 00:04:32,280 wherein none would discuss a certain event that transpired. 81 00:04:32,381 --> 00:04:33,370 An event of the... 82 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:35,639 ...persuasion. 83 00:04:35,751 --> 00:04:40,484 That key, madam, buys my silence. Good day to you both. 84 00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:44,752 You two hooked up? 85 00:04:45,728 --> 00:04:47,423 Thanks a lot, Lily. 86 00:04:48,564 --> 00:04:54,992 So, wow. You two slept together. That is awf... Some. 87 00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:59,698 Awfsome. Nice work, Ted. Tap that. 88 00:04:59,809 --> 00:05:03,472 - It sounds like a bigger deal than it is. - Yeah, we talked it over, 89 00:05:03,579 --> 00:05:05,945 and we both realized we've had a rough couple of months. 90 00:05:06,048 --> 00:05:08,141 - We deserve a little fun. - No. 91 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,912 This could wind up ruining your friendship. 92 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:15,980 When two exes try to just be casual, someone always winds up getting hurt. 93 00:05:16,091 --> 00:05:19,083 Turned out, Lily was right. But more on that later. 94 00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:21,425 Look, guys, we got this covered, okay? 95 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,124 No one's gonna get hurt. We set up ground rules. 96 00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:27,769 Okay, rule number one, this is strictly a physical relationship. 97 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:29,303 There are no feelings involved, okay? 98 00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:32,203 Oh, please, that's like telling the Fonz to be cool. 99 00:05:32,308 --> 00:05:35,334 And since it's just physical, we don't have to worry about romance, right? 100 00:05:35,444 --> 00:05:37,810 Hell, no. Oh, we can do it while we watch TV. 101 00:05:37,913 --> 00:05:40,108 Totally. We can multi-task, you know? 102 00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:42,810 Use the sex to spice up otherwise dull activities. 103 00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:45,079 - Like folding laundry. - Paying bills. 104 00:05:45,187 --> 00:05:46,677 Cooking dinner. 105 00:05:47,189 --> 00:05:49,157 - That doesn't seem hygienic. - Yeah, not that one. No. 106 00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:52,458 And now that we're hooking up, we're not fighting anymore. 107 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,325 Problem solved. Actually, the credit belongs to Barney. 108 00:05:55,431 --> 00:05:57,729 This whole idea came out of your thing about world peace. 109 00:05:57,833 --> 00:06:01,894 Yeah. Thanks, Barney. You were right. Peace was achieved. 110 00:06:02,004 --> 00:06:03,437 Repeatedly. 111 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:10,402 So I'm responsible for... Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. 112 00:06:12,448 --> 00:06:13,415 Uh... 113 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,311 Next round's on me! 114 00:06:19,822 --> 00:06:22,222 - Hey, are you okay? - Yeah. Why do you ask? 115 00:06:22,324 --> 00:06:25,885 Well, for one thing, you're openly weeping. 116 00:06:25,995 --> 00:06:27,360 With joy. 117 00:06:28,631 --> 00:06:32,590 - So happy for those two. - Barney, admit it. 118 00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:36,137 You still have feelings for Robin and this is killing you. 119 00:06:36,238 --> 00:06:38,297 What? I am totally fine. 120 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,642 Now, excuse me for just a minute. 121 00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,184 Totally fine. 122 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:58,658 Barney, you have to learn how to express these feelings. 123 00:06:58,761 --> 00:07:00,752 Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist. 124 00:07:00,863 --> 00:07:02,296 Please. 125 00:07:02,398 --> 00:07:05,799 If I'm gonna pay some woman $200 an hour to make me feel better, 126 00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:11,965 we aren't going to be talking. And we're both going to be on that couch. 127 00:07:12,908 --> 00:07:15,775 The woman in this scenario is a prostitute. 128 00:07:17,446 --> 00:07:20,779 A dirty, skanky, surgically enhanced, Eastern European... 129 00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:22,316 I got it. 130 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:25,285 And there's something kind of liberating about not taking it all too seriously. 131 00:07:25,387 --> 00:07:29,414 Last night, we actually did it while I was returning a bunch of phone calls. 132 00:07:29,525 --> 00:07:32,187 I knew you didn't get a rowing machine. 133 00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:37,899 Awesome, we're still talking about this! 134 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,265 Look, guys, this is a private thing between me and Ted. 135 00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:42,496 - Private Thing. - Private Thing. 136 00:07:43,706 --> 00:07:48,075 We wouldn't even be talking about this if Marshall could read a magazine at work. 137 00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:50,008 He's always been this way. 138 00:07:50,112 --> 00:07:52,979 - Remember law school? - Sure do. 139 00:07:56,518 --> 00:08:02,548 - Baby? Baby, what is it? - The credit card bill came today. 140 00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:07,789 You checked into a hotel two blocks from the school on a Tuesday. 141 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:12,060 - It's not what you think. - Who is she, Marshall? What's her name? 142 00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:16,463 Burrito. Carnitas Burrito. 143 00:08:17,272 --> 00:08:22,801 So, you checked into a hotel room just so you could read a magazine there? 144 00:08:22,911 --> 00:08:25,505 Hey, Robin, do you want me to see if the waitress has any giant sugar cubes 145 00:08:25,614 --> 00:08:27,844 for that high horse of yours? 146 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,142 Nobody likes to read a magazine at work, 147 00:08:30,252 --> 00:08:32,516 and if they say that they do, then they're not human. 148 00:08:32,654 --> 00:08:35,748 Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. 149 00:08:35,858 --> 00:08:38,190 I can't tell you how many meetings I've been late to 150 00:08:38,293 --> 00:08:40,454 because I was busy reading a magazine. 151 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:43,395 But I don't feel bad about it. That's my time. 152 00:08:43,499 --> 00:08:46,593 Sure, "reading a magazine" ain't pretty, 153 00:08:46,702 --> 00:08:50,968 but, you know, it's something I gotta do. So why be ashamed about it? 154 00:08:52,841 --> 00:08:56,174 Wait, reading a magazine means masturbating, right? 155 00:08:58,380 --> 00:09:01,679 I can't believe it. You drank all my milk again. 156 00:09:02,885 --> 00:09:04,443 - We can have sex. - Okay. 157 00:09:06,955 --> 00:09:08,320 It's the perfect setup. 158 00:09:08,424 --> 00:09:10,255 Anytime we start getting into an argument, 159 00:09:10,359 --> 00:09:11,849 - we just have sex instead. - Ha! 160 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,225 One minute we're just laying into each other, and then the next minute... 161 00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,797 Well, same thing. 162 00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:18,700 Awesome. 163 00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:24,605 So, this morning, she's yelling at me through the door, 164 00:09:24,706 --> 00:09:29,200 "You're taking too long in the shower!" Next thing I know, she hops in. 165 00:09:30,212 --> 00:09:32,680 Now baby don't mind I took my time. 166 00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,414 So awesome. 167 00:09:38,887 --> 00:09:40,047 Sorry I'm late. 168 00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:43,454 I was just jamming on Scherbatsky. She used up all my stamps, 169 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:46,926 so long story short, the postman rang twice. 170 00:09:47,029 --> 00:09:48,724 You must bump this! 171 00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:53,995 That's just so... 172 00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:57,195 Excuse me for a second. 173 00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:10,882 So, you're saying plasmas are better for low light, 174 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,886 but LCDs are better for games? 175 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:17,583 Right, but the CRTs have the truest blacks. 176 00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:22,152 - So, if I want a really crisp contrast ratio... - The CRT's deep-pixel cell structure 177 00:10:22,263 --> 00:10:24,959 produces a resolution you just can't match with an LCD. 178 00:10:25,066 --> 00:10:26,033 Uh-huh. 179 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:27,725 I'll take the CRT. 180 00:10:32,106 --> 00:10:35,598 - Barney, this is nuts. - I'm doing just fine, thank you. 181 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:39,908 No, you're not. You need to learn to let this stuff out. 182 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:44,417 Like we do in my kindergarten class. Feelings Hour every Tuesday morning. 183 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,316 Look, Lily, maybe your kindergartners 184 00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:50,584 are upset that their friends are sleeping with each other, but not me. 185 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,817 I have never been better. 186 00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:55,060 Meanwhile, Marshall was still struggling at work. 187 00:10:56,497 --> 00:10:59,022 Coming through. Big breakfast this morning. 188 00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:01,192 You know what that means. 189 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,933 But then came the best news he'd heard in a long time. 190 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:08,304 And did you hear? They laid off everybody on the eighth floor. 191 00:11:08,409 --> 00:11:10,969 I know. It's a ghost town down there. 192 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,602 - Morning. - Morning. 193 00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:41,505 - Hey, that was fun last night. - Word, that was a good one. 194 00:11:41,609 --> 00:11:44,476 Mental note, don't throw out the pizza box more often. 195 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,938 All right, see you later. 196 00:11:53,487 --> 00:11:54,579 Uh-oh. 197 00:11:55,056 --> 00:11:56,318 Uh-oh. 198 00:12:01,495 --> 00:12:04,328 So last night, Robin left a pizza box out on the floor, 199 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,127 - so we had sex three times. - Sure. 200 00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:09,533 And then, this morning before I left for work, we kissed. 201 00:12:09,637 --> 00:12:12,868 That's weird. That is weird. 202 00:12:12,974 --> 00:12:16,273 Right? That kiss violated the spirit of our whole arrangement. 203 00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:18,811 I mean, she probably thinks I'm getting feelings for her. 204 00:12:18,913 --> 00:12:22,508 - Well, are you? - Yes, I'm in love with her. 205 00:12:23,751 --> 00:12:25,878 Is what you... That's you, dude. 206 00:12:27,421 --> 00:12:28,911 No. It didn't mean anything. 207 00:12:29,023 --> 00:12:32,015 It was just some leftover reflex from when we were a couple. 208 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:38,725 - But I think I probably blew it. - Definitely. It is so over. 209 00:12:39,533 --> 00:12:41,797 Hold the phone. Maybe Robin didn't think it was weird. 210 00:12:41,936 --> 00:12:45,667 It was weird. Weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. 211 00:12:45,773 --> 00:12:48,435 W- I-E-R-D, weird. 212 00:12:48,542 --> 00:12:51,909 - That's not how you spell weird. - Come on, Lily. Nobody likes a Ted. 213 00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:57,279 I tried to warn you. When exes relapse, someone always gets hurt. 214 00:12:57,418 --> 00:13:00,114 But no one listened. Story of my life. 215 00:13:00,221 --> 00:13:03,190 My cuteness interferes with people hearing my message. 216 00:13:03,291 --> 00:13:04,417 Well, what should I do? 217 00:13:04,692 --> 00:13:06,455 There's only one thing to do. 218 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,427 You have to stop sleeping together, please. 219 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:15,335 I think we have to stop sleeping together. With me and Ted, it's like cigarettes. 220 00:13:15,436 --> 00:13:17,495 You have one when you're drunk and you think it's fine. 221 00:13:17,605 --> 00:13:20,165 But before you know it, you're buying a carton a week. 222 00:13:20,775 --> 00:13:22,003 I think I have to end it. 223 00:13:22,276 --> 00:13:24,301 Yup. I have to end it. 224 00:13:24,645 --> 00:13:27,671 So, we're ending it, huh? 225 00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:30,148 - I think so, yeah. - It's probably for the best. 226 00:13:30,251 --> 00:13:31,218 Mmm-hmm. 227 00:13:31,319 --> 00:13:33,685 It was fun, but I don't want things to get weird. 228 00:13:33,788 --> 00:13:35,813 - Me neither. - Roomies? 229 00:13:35,923 --> 00:13:37,117 Roomies. 230 00:13:40,227 --> 00:13:41,353 Robin! 231 00:13:41,662 --> 00:13:43,994 But we tell no one. Deal? 232 00:13:44,298 --> 00:13:45,322 - Deal. - Deal. 233 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,292 Dude! - Come on! 234 00:13:47,468 --> 00:13:49,561 What is the matter with you? 235 00:13:51,305 --> 00:13:52,294 That one. 236 00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:57,673 So, that didn't last long. 237 00:13:58,346 --> 00:14:01,213 By the way, Marshall, what were you doing back in our apartment? 238 00:14:01,315 --> 00:14:02,907 I thought you had the perfect situation. 239 00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:05,074 I did. 240 00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,151 Everything was going great. 241 00:14:07,254 --> 00:14:10,781 I was feeling more comfortable, more confident. 242 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,189 I felt I could take on the world. 243 00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:17,895 Till one morning, I took my magazine down to the eighth floor. 244 00:14:22,002 --> 00:14:28,237 We gotta gut this whole place. I need these walls taken out here and here. 245 00:14:28,342 --> 00:14:30,207 - You got it. - All right. 246 00:14:32,813 --> 00:14:36,476 Celebrities pick up their dry cleaning? I pick up my dry cleaning. 247 00:14:38,219 --> 00:14:39,311 Don't come in! 248 00:14:39,854 --> 00:14:41,822 So that didn't last long. 249 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,893 - Oh, thanks. - What are you doing? 250 00:14:46,994 --> 00:14:49,462 Oh, well, since all these roomie squabbles 251 00:14:49,563 --> 00:14:52,623 are still causing friction between you and Robin, I thought I'd help out. 252 00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:56,169 Oh, BTW, I went by the post office today. I picked you up some stamps. 253 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,170 Here's 10,000. That ought to do you. 254 00:14:58,639 --> 00:15:03,042 Um, okay. Thanks, I guess. Hey, you want a beer? 255 00:15:03,411 --> 00:15:05,606 - Okay. - Whoa! 256 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:10,348 Yeah, I picked those up on the way over. It was nothing. 257 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,885 Did you buy us a dishwasher? 258 00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:16,479 No. That dishwasher's always been there. How long have you lived here? 259 00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:26,732 So, you're doing all this to keep me and Robin from fighting, huh? 260 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:29,667 Exactly. I worry about you two. 261 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:35,464 It bothers you that Robin and I are hooking up, doesn't it? 262 00:15:35,576 --> 00:15:38,943 No. Not at all. That's crazy. 263 00:15:40,614 --> 00:15:41,672 What? 264 00:15:44,385 --> 00:15:46,444 Are you in love with Robin? 265 00:15:52,893 --> 00:15:56,488 You're in love with Robin. That's why you don't want us hooking up. 266 00:15:56,597 --> 00:15:58,997 What? That is crazy talk. 267 00:15:59,099 --> 00:16:03,900 Can't a bro clean another bro's apartment like bros do? 268 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:07,269 Name me one bro in the history of bros who has ever done that. 269 00:16:07,374 --> 00:16:08,466 Um... 270 00:16:10,377 --> 00:16:14,609 I'll name two. Misters Clean and Belvedere. 271 00:16:15,983 --> 00:16:19,180 Look, this thing with me and Robin, it's totally casual. 272 00:16:19,286 --> 00:16:22,517 I'm not gonna freak out if you tell me you have feelings for her. So, do you? 273 00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:26,320 No. No, I don't. I don't, no. I don't. I don't. No. 274 00:16:26,427 --> 00:16:29,658 Robin is all yours, dude. Have fun with her. 275 00:16:29,763 --> 00:16:34,564 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go sleep with other girls. 276 00:16:34,668 --> 00:16:36,397 - Are you sure? - Yes! 277 00:16:36,504 --> 00:16:39,234 - Positive? - Absolutely. 278 00:16:42,142 --> 00:16:45,202 And then I stormed out. Why did I do that? 279 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,410 I mean, maybe it goes back to my father issues, 280 00:16:49,517 --> 00:16:55,080 but I basically gave my best friend license to have sex with the girl of my dreams. 281 00:16:55,189 --> 00:16:57,282 I totally sabotaged myself. 282 00:16:59,093 --> 00:17:01,459 And now I'm smoking. Now I'm smoking. 283 00:17:02,695 --> 00:17:04,822 Get out. 284 00:17:05,231 --> 00:17:09,031 But it's Feelings Hour and I'm holding Feely the Share Bear. 285 00:17:09,135 --> 00:17:10,864 And whoever's holding Feely the Share Bear 286 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,494 gets to sit in the share chair. 287 00:17:12,605 --> 00:17:16,234 Barney, this is not your private therapist's office. 288 00:17:16,342 --> 00:17:19,334 These kids have issues to talk about, too, you know. 289 00:17:19,445 --> 00:17:21,174 Ben's parents are getting divorced. 290 00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:22,475 They are? 291 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:25,845 Who wants to do some coloring? 292 00:17:29,422 --> 00:17:33,449 Oh, great. Did Lily send you? I don't have the bear, okay? 293 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,425 I'm not giving it back! 294 00:17:36,596 --> 00:17:38,188 Why are you smiling? 295 00:17:38,298 --> 00:17:39,265 Oh, 296 00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:43,467 I just read a magazine. Here at work. 297 00:17:44,537 --> 00:17:46,937 - What? - Yeah. It's the funniest thing. 298 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,270 I was online, looking up rates for hotels 299 00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:51,704 when I realized something. 300 00:17:51,811 --> 00:17:53,301 This is stupid. 301 00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:57,313 I decided it was time to let go of my hang-ups 302 00:17:57,417 --> 00:18:01,285 and do the thing I gotta do, and once I made that decision, everything changed. 303 00:18:05,058 --> 00:18:08,516 There's a young man who's comfortable with who he is. 304 00:18:13,099 --> 00:18:16,591 I know what you're about to do, and I respect you for it. 305 00:18:17,804 --> 00:18:20,398 Hey, Eriksen. Go the distance. 306 00:18:28,081 --> 00:18:31,812 Marshall, you made a brave step today. 307 00:18:32,318 --> 00:18:33,945 Remember what Shakespeare wrote, 308 00:18:34,053 --> 00:18:37,819 "Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful. " 309 00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:40,758 You're right, Super-Hot-Lady 310 00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:44,091 Who-My-Wife-Keeps-Telling-Me Why-You're-Famous-But-I-Keep-Forgetting. 311 00:18:44,197 --> 00:18:46,665 - Let's do this. - Lead the way. 312 00:18:51,404 --> 00:18:53,929 Wow, Marshall. Congratulations. 313 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,304 Thanks. I was gonna have to do it eventually, you know? 314 00:18:56,409 --> 00:19:00,641 Sometimes you just gotta man up and just go for it. 315 00:19:02,849 --> 00:19:04,817 Marshall, I have to go. 316 00:19:06,653 --> 00:19:10,555 Oh, by the way, I have a bathroom here if you ever want to use it. 317 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:14,749 Son of a... 318 00:19:15,795 --> 00:19:19,162 Ted, I have to tell you the truth. I'm in love with 319 00:19:19,265 --> 00:19:20,425 tacos. 320 00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:25,165 - What are you doing? - I'm taking out the trizzash. 321 00:19:25,271 --> 00:19:28,172 If you're looking for Ted, he left. 322 00:19:28,274 --> 00:19:33,769 And our little arrangement is over, by the way. 323 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,440 Really? That's awes... Full. 324 00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:39,643 - Awesful? - Yeah, it's just awesful. 325 00:19:40,887 --> 00:19:43,355 - What happened? - He just insisted. 326 00:19:43,456 --> 00:19:46,983 He said he couldn't do it anymore because someone's gonna get hurt. 327 00:19:47,093 --> 00:19:50,756 - I think we all know who he meant by that. - Do we? 328 00:19:52,632 --> 00:19:54,896 Isn't it obvious? 329 00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,492 - Is it? - Yeah. 330 00:19:57,603 --> 00:19:58,661 It's Ted. 331 00:19:58,771 --> 00:20:00,602 - Oh. - You know what a romantic he is. 332 00:20:00,707 --> 00:20:03,232 He can't separate the physical from the emotional. 333 00:20:03,342 --> 00:20:04,900 - He's all like... - I love you. 334 00:20:05,011 --> 00:20:08,503 Exactly. He's not like you, you know? 335 00:20:09,515 --> 00:20:14,214 Besides, we're friends. I don't want to screw that up by getting involved. 336 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,584 Dating friends never works out. 337 00:20:17,824 --> 00:20:20,224 So you want to get a taco? 338 00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:22,989 A taco? 339 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:25,493 You love them, remember? 340 00:20:25,598 --> 00:20:28,590 - Right. - Come on, I'm hungry. 341 00:20:28,701 --> 00:20:32,967 Wake up, I'm trying to show you 342 00:20:36,476 --> 00:20:39,240 I wanna come clean 343 00:20:39,345 --> 00:20:42,075 So Robin and I went back to just being roommates, 344 00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:45,844 and things went back to normal. Your Aunt Lily was right. 345 00:20:45,952 --> 00:20:49,945 When two exes decide to just be casual, someone always gets hurt. 346 00:20:52,492 --> 00:20:54,460 It just wasn't one of us. 347 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,929 The one that you put on a pedestal