1 00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:04,786 I can't believe Metro News 1 is just forwarding you all this fan mail now. 2 00:00:04,889 --> 00:00:08,757 - I know. I quit, like, four months ago. - Wow, you had more fans than I thought. 3 00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:12,057 And only about 60% of them are prison inmates. 4 00:00:12,163 --> 00:00:14,062 What are these guys thinking? 5 00:00:14,164 --> 00:00:16,462 I am way past my dating prisoners phase. 6 00:00:16,566 --> 00:00:19,296 It's like, hello, I'm not 19 anymore, you know? 7 00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:22,195 Lottery girl's on. 8 00:00:22,305 --> 00:00:26,605 I just feel sorry for these women. This is where broadcast careers go to die. 9 00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:30,168 Check it out. I make it fun. I invented a little game. 10 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,944 Tonight's lotto numbers are... 11 00:00:35,352 --> 00:00:36,613 ...nineteen... 12 00:00:36,719 --> 00:00:37,811 Age you moved to New York 13 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,945 after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court 14 00:00:40,055 --> 00:00:41,784 and said he'd get you in Vogue magazine. 15 00:00:41,891 --> 00:00:42,949 Fifty-three... 16 00:00:43,058 --> 00:00:44,582 Number of semi-nude pictures he took of you 17 00:00:44,693 --> 00:00:48,094 before you realized he had no connection to Vogue magazine. 18 00:00:48,197 --> 00:00:51,098 - Twenty-two... - Age you claim you are. 19 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,260 - Thirty-one... - Age you actually are. 20 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:55,462 Forty-five. 21 00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:57,835 Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, 22 00:00:57,940 --> 00:01:02,706 - out of your dress, and into my Jacuzzi. - And the super big ball is... 23 00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:05,335 What happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. 24 00:01:05,446 --> 00:01:06,777 What up? 25 00:01:21,362 --> 00:01:25,525 Kids, by the winter of 2009, Robin had been unemployed for months. 26 00:01:25,632 --> 00:01:27,293 But there was a glimmer of hope. 27 00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:29,596 - Hey! - Hey, how'd the audition go? 28 00:01:29,703 --> 00:01:32,171 Well, I went in there feeling really good. 29 00:01:32,272 --> 00:01:34,763 I heard it was just me up against two other girls. 30 00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:36,365 Listening. 31 00:01:43,150 --> 00:01:44,811 - Hi. - Hi. 32 00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:46,646 Robin Scherbatsky. 33 00:01:48,187 --> 00:01:49,211 And you are? 34 00:01:51,057 --> 00:01:53,355 You've obviously never spent any time in Denver. 35 00:01:53,459 --> 00:01:55,689 Rochelle Harper, News Center 12. 36 00:01:55,795 --> 00:02:00,425 We were only the number one station in the Rockies for five straight years. 37 00:02:00,533 --> 00:02:03,229 I was an anchor here in town at Metro News 1. 38 00:02:03,336 --> 00:02:08,638 Ooh, an anchor. You must have a killer signoff phrase. 39 00:02:08,741 --> 00:02:11,504 - I'm sorry? - You gotta have a killer signoff phrase. 40 00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:16,070 Like Walter Cronkite. "And that's the way it is. " 41 00:02:16,181 --> 00:02:17,978 So what's yours? 42 00:02:18,083 --> 00:02:20,574 Well, I would just always end with a simple 43 00:02:20,685 --> 00:02:24,416 "From all of us here at Metro News 1, have a good evening. " 44 00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:32,419 Mine is "From all of us here at Barney's apartment, get out. " 45 00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:37,560 You didn't let those reporter bitches psych you out, did you? 46 00:02:38,168 --> 00:02:42,571 And the President's economic team is hoping to have a proposal before Congress 47 00:02:42,673 --> 00:02:44,231 by the end of the month. 48 00:02:44,341 --> 00:02:47,902 From all of us here at News 10, have a good evening. 49 00:02:51,949 --> 00:02:53,917 So, good night, New York. 50 00:02:54,018 --> 00:02:58,215 And may the road ahead be lit with dreams and tomorrows. 51 00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:02,652 Which are lit with dreams, also. 52 00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:08,493 Wow. That's terrible. And bad, also. 53 00:03:09,666 --> 00:03:10,690 I wasn't done. 54 00:03:12,135 --> 00:03:16,799 Stand tall, New York. Trustworthy. Recycling. 55 00:03:18,608 --> 00:03:20,268 Wear a condom. 56 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:23,473 Wear a condom? 57 00:03:24,279 --> 00:03:26,873 I'm not gonna be the new Channel 10 anchor, am I? 58 00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:28,916 This just in. No. 59 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,049 Maybe the problem is your resumé. 60 00:03:33,155 --> 00:03:36,647 See how mine is lean and mean? Yours is too cluttered. 61 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,318 Like everything on your resumé is so relevant. 62 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:43,329 "Program Director, 88.1 Wesleyan University Radio?" 63 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:47,731 - Oh, God. - Dr. X? You're still bragging about Dr. X? 64 00:03:47,835 --> 00:03:50,201 - Who was Dr. X? - Nobody knows. 65 00:03:50,304 --> 00:03:53,467 - He was this genius mystery DJ. - It was Ted. 66 00:03:53,574 --> 00:03:56,941 - His identity remains a secret to this day. - It was Ted. 67 00:03:57,044 --> 00:04:00,138 But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio. 68 00:04:00,247 --> 00:04:02,738 - It was Ted. - And your show sucked. 69 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:07,849 Dr. X here, shooting truth bullets at you from an undisclosed location. 70 00:04:07,954 --> 00:04:11,014 Because if they knew where I was, they'd shut me down. 71 00:04:11,124 --> 00:04:15,288 You're on the third floor of the Student Center next to the game room, you tool. 72 00:04:15,395 --> 00:04:17,420 I've been getting a lot of letters about my segment 73 00:04:17,530 --> 00:04:20,192 on how racist the school's meal plan is. 74 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:23,360 How are you getting letters if no one knows where you are, douche? 75 00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:26,303 That's why I'm organizing a happening outside the dining hall, 76 00:04:26,406 --> 00:04:27,600 Monday at midnight. 77 00:04:27,707 --> 00:04:30,106 It's high time the food service puppet masters 78 00:04:30,209 --> 00:04:33,178 took ignorance and injustice off the menu. 79 00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:35,973 Hey, Ted, we need a fourth for foosball. 80 00:04:36,081 --> 00:04:37,844 What are you doing in here, anyway? 81 00:04:37,950 --> 00:04:40,817 Dude, get out of here! I'll be there in a second. 82 00:04:40,919 --> 00:04:43,513 So, remember, dining hall, Monday, midnight. 83 00:04:43,622 --> 00:04:45,988 Another Dr. X happening. 84 00:04:46,091 --> 00:04:50,255 I'll be there, because X marks the spot-ot-ot-ot. 85 00:04:51,263 --> 00:04:55,221 If you think people liked your show, they did not-ot-ot-ot. 86 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,324 This is weird. Look what got mixed in 87 00:04:57,435 --> 00:04:58,959 - with your fan mail. - What? 88 00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:02,096 It's from the U.S. Department of Immigration. 89 00:05:03,307 --> 00:05:05,639 It's postmarked two months ago. 90 00:05:10,815 --> 00:05:12,544 - Oh, boy. - What is it? 91 00:05:12,650 --> 00:05:14,242 It's about my work visa. 92 00:05:14,352 --> 00:05:18,811 Unless I can find a job in the next seven days, 93 00:05:18,922 --> 00:05:21,550 they're gonna send me back to Canada. 94 00:05:28,865 --> 00:05:30,765 I can't believe you might be kicked out of the country. 95 00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:33,495 I know. My whole life is here. 96 00:05:33,603 --> 00:05:36,731 No. We won't let this happen. I mean, one of us will help you find a job. 97 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,172 Yeah, I bet I can get you something at my school. 98 00:05:39,275 --> 00:05:41,869 No, guys. It doesn't work that way. 99 00:05:41,977 --> 00:05:45,879 Robin only gets her work visa if she gets a job in her field. 100 00:05:45,981 --> 00:05:50,008 I mean, you know what? I guess you could stay if you married a U.S. citizen. 101 00:05:50,119 --> 00:05:52,383 Yeah, that could work. 102 00:05:52,488 --> 00:05:56,720 No, no. They could never process that and make it official in time. That won't work. 103 00:05:56,826 --> 00:06:00,762 I'm screwed. I've been sending out my reel for three months, and nothing. 104 00:06:00,863 --> 00:06:03,831 Well, maybe there's something in your reel that people aren't responding to. 105 00:06:03,932 --> 00:06:05,559 Let's take a look at it, right? 106 00:06:08,903 --> 00:06:10,234 That's a good question, Norm. 107 00:06:10,338 --> 00:06:15,503 Okay, the first thing is from when I was a cub reporter for Channel 22 in Red Deer. 108 00:06:15,610 --> 00:06:18,272 In Alberta. In Canada. 109 00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:20,005 Ooh. 110 00:06:20,148 --> 00:06:21,706 - Canada. - Right. 111 00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:24,046 Well, the snow's coming down pretty hard, 112 00:06:24,152 --> 00:06:27,382 but these intrepid fishermen are still happy to be out competing, 113 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:32,982 in Lake Athabasca's Bass Fishing Jamboree, an August 1st tradition. 114 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,822 Back to you, Norm. 115 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,696 What? That was my first job. It shows where I came from. 116 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,032 Unless a bear attacks you in the next three seconds 117 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:47,664 and you snap its neck with your legs, that has no business being on your reel. 118 00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,606 No, no, I get it, I get it. 119 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,871 Where you're from is part of who you're selling. 120 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,209 For instance, under Special Skills on my resumé, 121 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,179 I mention that back in Minnesota, 122 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,717 I was the 1995 Nicollet County Slam Dunk Champion. 123 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,310 You put dunk champion on your resumé? 124 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:05,948 Yeah, why wouldn't you? A lot of companies have basketball teams. 125 00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:07,548 It's good for them to know 126 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,390 that Vanilla Thunder can still take the rock to the hole. 127 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:14,397 - They called you Vanilla Thunder? - Yeah, Vanilla Thunder. 128 00:07:14,499 --> 00:07:16,990 The Ghost in the Post. The Human Turnstile. 129 00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:19,866 I didn't play that much D. 130 00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:23,236 - You can't still dunk. - Of course I can. 131 00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:27,505 - Well, I mean, I could, until recently. - Until the injury. 132 00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:31,910 - It's called iliopsoas tendonitis. - Yikes. That sounds bad. 133 00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:34,781 It's more commonly known as dancer's hip. 134 00:07:38,822 --> 00:07:40,380 Dr. Goodman... 135 00:07:41,892 --> 00:07:45,123 Oh, come on! lliopsoas tendonitis. 136 00:07:45,229 --> 00:07:47,993 That's what it's called. That's all it's called. 137 00:07:48,732 --> 00:07:50,632 Iliopsoas tendonitis. 138 00:07:50,734 --> 00:07:53,760 It's a basketball injury. You know, it's no big whoop. 139 00:07:53,871 --> 00:07:56,271 Dancer's hip, Marshall has something called dancer's hip. 140 00:07:56,373 --> 00:07:57,635 Okay, no, no, okay. 141 00:07:57,741 --> 00:08:02,404 They only call it that, look, because it's very common with ballet dancers. 142 00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:08,741 So, tell me, do any of the other little girls in your class have dancer's hip? 143 00:08:08,851 --> 00:08:09,818 Yeah, sure. 144 00:08:09,919 --> 00:08:11,318 - I have more of a technical question. - Yes? 145 00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:14,879 Is it easier to dance when you don't have external genitalia? 146 00:08:14,991 --> 00:08:17,585 Good, don't build to that, just go right for it. 147 00:08:17,694 --> 00:08:20,925 Guys, come on. Marshall didn't get this injury from dancing. 148 00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:22,428 Thank you, Lily. 149 00:08:22,531 --> 00:08:27,833 Clearly, the stirrups were set a little too wide during his last trip to the gyno. 150 00:08:27,936 --> 00:08:32,236 Guys, guys, I hate to cut you off before Marshall bursts into tears, 151 00:08:32,341 --> 00:08:38,507 but, Robin, check this out. What you need is an awesome video resumé. 152 00:08:38,613 --> 00:08:42,913 Like mine. I present 153 00:08:43,018 --> 00:08:46,282 barneysvideoresume. com. 154 00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:04,335 Oh! Hello. 155 00:09:04,438 --> 00:09:05,735 Barney Stinson, 156 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,274 you've achieved great success in business, 157 00:09:08,376 --> 00:09:13,540 athletics and personal relationships and have been an inspiration to many people. 158 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,782 Is that you? Are you interviewing yourself? 159 00:09:17,884 --> 00:09:21,411 How can it be me? That guy's British. 160 00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:24,649 What would you recommend to your numerous admirers 161 00:09:24,758 --> 00:09:27,124 who want to reach their highest potential? 162 00:09:27,227 --> 00:09:29,559 And a wee bit Scottish. 163 00:09:30,697 --> 00:09:34,655 The first thing you need to know about success is that it doesn't just come to you. 164 00:09:35,167 --> 00:09:40,799 Most people associate success with money and power, but really, it's a state of mind. 165 00:09:43,308 --> 00:09:46,402 You had to be on a motorcycle to say that? 166 00:09:46,512 --> 00:09:50,972 And when it comes to success, the only limit is that there are no limits. 167 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:54,580 Hey, I didn't know you knew how to stand near a horse, that's impressive. 168 00:09:54,686 --> 00:09:57,848 Barney, I don't get it. You don't do a damn thing in any of these clips. 169 00:09:57,955 --> 00:10:00,685 Exactly. Because that's who Corporate America wants, 170 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:05,422 people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything. 171 00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:08,226 Actually doing things gets you fired. 172 00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:11,392 In fact, I'm writing a book on this very phenomenon. 173 00:10:11,502 --> 00:10:12,594 Really, you're writing a book? 174 00:10:12,703 --> 00:10:16,195 No, that would be doing... Are you even listening? 175 00:10:16,974 --> 00:10:22,036 All my life, I have dared to go past what is possible. 176 00:10:22,145 --> 00:10:24,477 To the impossible? 177 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:26,708 Actually, past that, 178 00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:32,915 to the place where the possible and the impossible meet to become 179 00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:34,718 the possimpible. 180 00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:37,556 The possimpible? Really? 181 00:10:37,661 --> 00:10:41,290 Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision. 182 00:10:41,398 --> 00:10:43,058 Visativity. 183 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:49,165 If I can leave you with one thought, it's this, 184 00:10:49,271 --> 00:10:53,901 nothing and everything is possimpible. 185 00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:57,245 Barney Stinson, Barney Stinson 186 00:10:57,346 --> 00:10:59,075 That guy's awesome 187 00:10:59,181 --> 00:11:03,140 Is that you again? Are you singing a song about yourself? 188 00:11:03,252 --> 00:11:06,015 Absolutely not. That would be lame. 189 00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:11,458 Stinson, Barney Stinson singing this song 190 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,186 That would be really lame 191 00:11:13,294 --> 00:11:16,821 One of the many admirers who think that guy's awesome 192 00:11:17,599 --> 00:11:19,863 Perfect and available 193 00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:22,801 Awesome, awesome, awesome awesome, awesome, awesome 194 00:11:23,972 --> 00:11:25,564 Awesome! Awesome! 195 00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:28,665 Awesome, awesome, awesome awesome, awesome, awesome 196 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,333 Awesome! 197 00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:43,281 That baby got me 11 job offers. 198 00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:45,119 - No. No way. - Yeah. 199 00:11:45,225 --> 00:11:49,423 - Barney, that was ridiculous and insane. - Insane-ulous. 200 00:11:50,898 --> 00:11:52,262 - Make me one. - What? 201 00:11:52,365 --> 00:11:54,299 - Yes, now you're talking. - What? 202 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,062 I'm about to be deported. I'll try anything. 203 00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:59,331 Okay, we better get started. There's a lot to shoot, 204 00:11:59,438 --> 00:12:01,998 and I don't think I can use any of the footage I already have of you. 205 00:12:02,108 --> 00:12:04,941 What footage do you already have of me? 206 00:12:05,044 --> 00:12:07,035 Let's just get started. 207 00:12:08,881 --> 00:12:13,784 Sweetie, are you still upset about the dancer's hip jokes? 208 00:12:13,886 --> 00:12:15,409 No. 209 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,683 We were just kidding. We all know it's a basketball injury. 210 00:12:18,790 --> 00:12:20,519 Yeah, no, totally. 211 00:12:23,495 --> 00:12:27,329 - Lily, I have something I need to tell you. - What is it? 212 00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:30,694 I dance more than you know. 213 00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:37,302 - What? - I dance, more than you know. 214 00:12:40,044 --> 00:12:42,604 I don't know how to respond to that. 215 00:12:43,314 --> 00:12:48,183 So, Robin, what does being a reporter mean to you? 216 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:52,155 - Well, ever since I was a little kid... - Cut! 217 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,150 Robin, you're getting bogged down in specifics. 218 00:12:55,259 --> 00:12:59,628 I need you to just say vague, confident-sounding buzzwords, 219 00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:05,099 like synergy and dynamism. You can make up a word, like linkativity. 220 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,500 How will sounding like an idiot get me hired anywhere? 221 00:13:08,605 --> 00:13:10,630 Okay, fine. Don't do it. 222 00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:13,971 Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of exciting stories to cover back in Canada. 223 00:13:14,077 --> 00:13:17,274 I just read that the mayor of Winnipeg's nephew went ice fishing 224 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,507 and caught himself a 16-pound walleye. 225 00:13:19,616 --> 00:13:24,110 "Reporting live from the worst place in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. " 226 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,346 Okay, fine. Roll camera. 227 00:13:29,791 --> 00:13:32,521 - Connectitude. - Love it. 228 00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:35,153 - Transformatation. - Earn it! 229 00:13:35,264 --> 00:13:36,788 Linkativity! 230 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:39,591 Yeah, linkativity's mine. 231 00:13:42,704 --> 00:13:45,468 So, how much dancing are we talking about? 232 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:49,976 I don't... I guess I'd say medium. 233 00:13:51,245 --> 00:13:54,271 Why are you dancing so much, and why don't I know about it? 234 00:13:54,382 --> 00:13:57,715 It's something I do when I'm alone. You know, like if something good happens, 235 00:13:57,818 --> 00:13:59,809 I get excited and I need to move, and I just... 236 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,913 I don't know. I don't want to even talk about this anymore. 237 00:14:04,025 --> 00:14:06,619 So that's how you injured your hip? 238 00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:12,892 Hey, did you hear? They're giving us a half day today. We can leave at 2:00. 239 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,431 Great! Thanks, Herm. 240 00:14:24,544 --> 00:14:27,445 Barney, these costumes are ridiculous. 241 00:14:27,547 --> 00:14:31,210 Plus, the Amazon warrior princess armor gave me a rash. 242 00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:34,378 Cards on the table, you weren't the first lady to wear that in here. 243 00:14:34,487 --> 00:14:38,582 But it conveyed power. And so will this. What I need you to do now 244 00:14:38,691 --> 00:14:40,716 is break these 15 bricks with your forehead. 245 00:14:40,826 --> 00:14:43,590 What? But you didn't do a damn thing in your video. 246 00:14:43,696 --> 00:14:46,824 You just stood near a horse and sat on a motorcycle. 247 00:14:46,932 --> 00:14:49,560 That's because I'm a man. You're a woman. 248 00:14:49,668 --> 00:14:51,636 The assumption is that you can't do anything. 249 00:14:51,737 --> 00:14:56,834 - But you have to prove society wrong. - I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead. 250 00:14:57,776 --> 00:15:01,370 Robin, it's not 1950 anymore. Yes, you can. 251 00:15:02,547 --> 00:15:04,378 - I'm out of here. - What? Why? 252 00:15:04,482 --> 00:15:09,249 None of this is going to help me get a job. I'm about to get kicked out of the country. 253 00:15:10,488 --> 00:15:11,682 I know what I have to do. 254 00:15:15,293 --> 00:15:17,488 Is this where the lottery girl auditions are? 255 00:15:17,595 --> 00:15:19,324 Yeah, right here. 256 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:27,165 So, kids, your Aunt Robin had reached her low point. 257 00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:29,932 She was auditioning to be the lottery girl. 258 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,203 - And tonight's lotto numbers are... - Hold it. 259 00:15:33,310 --> 00:15:35,107 Say the line before you press the button. 260 00:15:35,212 --> 00:15:37,737 - It builds the suspense. - It builds the suspense. 261 00:15:37,848 --> 00:15:38,974 Okay. 262 00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:43,075 And tonight's lotto numbers are... 263 00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,179 - Seventeen... - Stop her. 264 00:15:48,290 --> 00:15:51,259 - Hold it. - Why did she say it like that? 265 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:55,057 It's like she's not even happy about the 17 coming up. 266 00:15:55,164 --> 00:15:58,224 - She seems mean. - Yeah, she seems super-mean. 267 00:15:58,934 --> 00:16:01,903 Can you take another run at 17 for us? 268 00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,196 Seventeen. 269 00:16:04,306 --> 00:16:07,537 Okay, I don't even understand what she's doing. 270 00:16:08,410 --> 00:16:10,344 - Let me try something. - All right. 271 00:16:10,445 --> 00:16:12,777 Try being a little more wry. 272 00:16:13,915 --> 00:16:16,383 Wry? About the number 17? 273 00:16:16,484 --> 00:16:19,317 - Wry, with a little bit of a... - Twinkle. 274 00:16:19,421 --> 00:16:20,820 ...twinkle. 275 00:16:21,556 --> 00:16:23,046 Seventeen. 276 00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:26,551 That was great! 277 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,022 Hey, Marsh, I got you a light beer. 278 00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:32,257 I know how you dancers are always counting calories. 279 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,390 It's not funny, all right? 280 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:36,162 The doctor says if it gets any worse, I might need surgery. 281 00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:38,670 Vaginal rejuvenation surgery? 282 00:16:38,772 --> 00:16:41,639 You know who didn't do a lot of operating on vaginas in college? 283 00:16:41,742 --> 00:16:42,936 - Who? - Dr. X. 284 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,273 - He did just fine! - You know what? 285 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:49,816 Both of you geniuses need to take that weak-ass crap off your resumés. 286 00:16:49,917 --> 00:16:54,616 I mean, you are not Dr. X anymore, and you cannot dunk anymore. 287 00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:55,744 Let it go. 288 00:16:55,855 --> 00:16:57,846 So Marshall and I are the only people at this table 289 00:16:57,957 --> 00:17:00,289 with weak-ass crap on their resumés? 290 00:17:00,393 --> 00:17:02,327 What are you implying? 291 00:17:02,695 --> 00:17:04,686 Oh. Oh, wow. I don't know! 292 00:17:04,797 --> 00:17:08,858 Does the date July 4th, 1995 mean anything to you? 293 00:17:08,968 --> 00:17:10,731 You son of a bitch. 294 00:17:15,374 --> 00:17:21,175 Time! And the new champion, with 29 hot dogs, Lily "The Belly" Aldrin! 295 00:17:27,419 --> 00:17:29,979 How is that relevant to teaching kindergarten? 296 00:17:30,088 --> 00:17:35,390 It teaches kids that I can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly. 297 00:17:35,494 --> 00:17:39,794 - Yeah, but you can't do it anymore! - You can't dunk anymore, lady-hips! 298 00:17:39,898 --> 00:17:43,162 - How dare you! These hips can... - Guys, guys! 299 00:17:44,168 --> 00:17:47,660 I didn't even get the lotto girl gig. 300 00:17:47,771 --> 00:17:50,069 I have to move back to Canada. 301 00:17:51,442 --> 00:17:53,342 I can't believe this. 302 00:17:55,312 --> 00:17:57,872 I remember the night before I moved down here. 303 00:17:57,982 --> 00:18:00,280 They threw a going-away party for me. 304 00:18:00,384 --> 00:18:04,548 They gave me a camera so I could take pictures and send them home. 305 00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:09,523 And everyone was so sure I was gonna be such a big success. 306 00:18:11,861 --> 00:18:13,761 I'm really gonna miss you guys. 307 00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:20,860 - What happened? - Robin has to move back to Canada. 308 00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:22,870 Oh, my God. How awful. 309 00:18:23,873 --> 00:18:26,535 I mean, for one thing, it's gonna be a really long commute. 310 00:18:26,643 --> 00:18:28,132 What do you mean? 311 00:18:28,243 --> 00:18:30,143 I finished your video resumé on my own, 312 00:18:30,245 --> 00:18:32,509 messenger-ed it to every station in the city. 313 00:18:32,614 --> 00:18:35,742 A guy from Channel 8 called. He loved you. 314 00:18:35,851 --> 00:18:38,513 - He wanted you to come in and audition. - Oh, my God! 315 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,953 I told him no. Robin Scherbatsky doesn't audition. 316 00:18:42,057 --> 00:18:45,254 - He gives you the job or nothing. - So I got the job? 317 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,828 No. He cursed me out and hung up. 318 00:18:48,764 --> 00:18:52,756 But then Channel 12 called. They also loved you. 319 00:18:52,867 --> 00:18:56,633 They offered you a job hosting their new morning talk show. 320 00:18:56,737 --> 00:18:57,931 Barney, that's amazing! 321 00:18:58,039 --> 00:18:59,666 - I told them to shove it. - Dude! 322 00:18:59,774 --> 00:19:02,538 Which only made them want you more. 323 00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:06,636 So, they jacked up their offer by 10%. Congratulations, Miss Scherbatsky. 324 00:19:06,747 --> 00:19:09,215 It looks like you're gonna have to stay. 325 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:20,023 - You're not about to dance, are you? - No, I'm good. I'll do it later. 326 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,927 Oh, my God. How did you pull this off? 327 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:30,401 - I am the master of the possimpible. - You really are. Thank you. 328 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,231 So, thanks to your Uncle Barney, 329 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,275 we got to keep your Aunt Robin. 330 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,468 There's so much stuff in my life 331 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,244 No room for me to grow 332 00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:49,248 And the rest of us decided it was time to let some things go. 333 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,327 Well, except for Lily. 334 00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:01,131 - And time! - What's the count? 335 00:20:01,566 --> 00:20:03,227 Thirty-three! 336 00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:07,861 Under the waterfall 337 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:11,802 Under the waterfall 338 00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:15,638 It's cool and cold and clear 339 00:20:36,199 --> 00:20:38,963 Why is no one coming to my happenings?