1 00:00:01,231 --> 00:00:04,893 Back in 2009, your Aunt Robin got a job hosting a morning show. 2 00:00:05,001 --> 00:00:07,731 Which meant she had to get up kind of early. How early? 3 00:00:10,071 --> 00:00:11,129 Morning, everybody. 4 00:00:11,239 --> 00:00:13,332 - Hey! Hey, Robin! 5 00:00:13,442 --> 00:00:17,468 So you're actually doing it, huh? You're actually going to work at 2:00 a. m. 6 00:00:17,578 --> 00:00:20,478 Okay, I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for the fans. 7 00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:24,038 Who exactly are the fans of a show that airs at 4:00 in the morning? 8 00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:26,379 People getting up to host a show at 5:00 in the morning? 9 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,509 Ha, ha, ha. 10 00:00:27,619 --> 00:00:29,678 Meth addicts who haven't sold their TVs yet? 11 00:00:29,788 --> 00:00:32,312 Strippers in that messy gray area between getting off work 12 00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:34,391 and getting their kids up for school? 13 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:35,857 Them's my peeps. 14 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,393 All right, catch me up. What's been going on? 15 00:00:38,495 --> 00:00:40,725 You know, just the uzhe. 16 00:00:40,831 --> 00:00:42,821 - Really, the uzhe? - Yes. 17 00:00:42,932 --> 00:00:46,299 Robin, think of the funniest thing that has ever happened. 18 00:00:46,402 --> 00:00:48,995 - Got it. - Now double that. 19 00:00:49,103 --> 00:00:51,594 So, a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos? 20 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,701 Something even funnier than that happened to Marshall today. 21 00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:59,277 Okay, first of all, there's nothing funnier than that. 22 00:00:59,378 --> 00:01:02,905 Second of all, look, it's not that good a story. 23 00:01:03,015 --> 00:01:04,413 Oh, come on, you guys. 24 00:01:04,516 --> 00:01:08,815 You're four young, active people living in the most exciting city on Earth. 25 00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:10,511 You're telling me you have no stories for me? 26 00:01:10,621 --> 00:01:12,953 What can I say? Some weeks are just like that. 27 00:01:13,057 --> 00:01:17,550 It's the same thing over and over. A kid in my class ate some paste. 28 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:21,959 I used deceitful means to hook up with a less-than-intelligent girl. 29 00:01:22,064 --> 00:01:25,590 My ex-girlfriend, Karen, moved to town. It's just... It's all the same, Robin. 30 00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,292 Karen's in town? 31 00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:29,494 - You have got to be kidding me! - No! 32 00:01:29,604 --> 00:01:31,594 Kids, I think I've told you about Karen. 33 00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:35,671 She was my girlfriend in high school and intermittently during college. 34 00:01:35,774 --> 00:01:39,574 She was beautiful, smart. I was madly in love with her. 35 00:01:39,678 --> 00:01:42,976 The only problem was, Marshall and Lily were not. 36 00:01:43,081 --> 00:01:46,141 I think it had something to do with every time Karen opened her mouth. 37 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:49,981 I love that you guys live in a dorm. It's so American. 38 00:01:50,087 --> 00:01:53,522 It's like, "Let's all eat baloney sandwiches and be racist. " 39 00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:57,483 Oh, my God, she was such a douche. 40 00:01:57,592 --> 00:01:59,958 Dude, she was the heiress to the Massengill fortune. 41 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:04,392 - She really wasn't that bad. - Of course, you think that. 42 00:02:04,498 --> 00:02:07,296 She turned you into one of her douche zombies. 43 00:02:07,401 --> 00:02:13,429 "I want to eat your brain, but only if it's organic and grass-fed. " 44 00:02:14,406 --> 00:02:15,464 What? 45 00:02:15,974 --> 00:02:18,737 - Will you pass the salt? - Salt? 46 00:02:19,844 --> 00:02:21,368 So bourgeois. 47 00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:23,711 Totally. 48 00:02:26,816 --> 00:02:30,876 - What's that thing? - That's a TV, Karen. 49 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,344 Oh. 50 00:02:32,855 --> 00:02:34,584 I don't watch TV. 51 00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:36,652 Totally. 52 00:02:37,926 --> 00:02:41,122 You thought I actually bought tickets to WrestleMania? 53 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,526 I was being ironic. 54 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,359 Totally. 55 00:02:45,464 --> 00:02:49,195 I know that you were being ironic. 56 00:02:51,136 --> 00:02:53,866 I, too, am being ironic. 57 00:02:54,573 --> 00:02:56,631 Let's do this! 58 00:02:58,776 --> 00:02:59,868 What? 59 00:03:00,344 --> 00:03:04,143 That makeup didn't come off for a month. I had to meet Lily's parents that way. 60 00:03:04,247 --> 00:03:05,714 I've never looked like a bigger jackass. 61 00:03:05,815 --> 00:03:07,008 Until today. 62 00:03:07,115 --> 00:03:09,174 Tell the story. Tell the story. Tell the story. 63 00:03:09,284 --> 00:03:10,410 Just let it go! 64 00:03:10,519 --> 00:03:12,884 Well, hold on. Is it really funny? 65 00:03:12,987 --> 00:03:15,387 Robin, I am not kidding you. 66 00:03:15,489 --> 00:03:21,120 I almost don't want you to hear it, because seriously, for the rest of your life, 67 00:03:21,227 --> 00:03:25,185 nothing else will ever be as funny, and you will curse yourself 68 00:03:25,297 --> 00:03:28,357 for agreeing to ever hear it in the first place. 69 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,091 But seriously, you got to hear it. It's so funny. 70 00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:32,861 Fine. 71 00:03:33,404 --> 00:03:36,065 I was at the company gym this morning playing basketball. 72 00:03:36,173 --> 00:03:39,630 Now, the guys I work with can be pretty brutal with their ridicule. 73 00:03:39,742 --> 00:03:43,200 Hey, look at Wisniewski. He's gonna cry. Look at him. 74 00:03:43,312 --> 00:03:44,972 Yeah, look at him. 75 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,571 I don't know. I don't think knees are supposed to bend that way. 76 00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:49,673 I think he might have torn his ACL. 77 00:03:49,784 --> 00:03:53,116 Bro, the only thing that guy tore was his cervix or maybe his hymen. 78 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:55,687 Yeah, or his Fallopian tubes. Boom! 79 00:03:58,324 --> 00:04:00,656 I may have cleaned up the dialog a little bit. 80 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,456 Anyways, I go to my duffle bag to get out my work clothes... 81 00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:07,759 Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to say it. I want to say it. I want to say it. 82 00:04:07,865 --> 00:04:09,526 Fine. You say it. 83 00:04:09,634 --> 00:04:13,660 Marshall goes to his duffle bag to get out his work clothes and... 84 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:16,671 No, no, no, you say it. It's funnier if you say it. 85 00:04:16,773 --> 00:04:20,469 No, let me say it. No, no, you say it. You say it. Say it. 86 00:04:21,677 --> 00:04:23,007 Same time. 87 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,738 No, no, no, you go. You go. 88 00:04:26,648 --> 00:04:28,740 - I forgot... - Marshall forgot his pants! 89 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,223 He forgot his pants. 90 00:04:57,139 --> 00:05:00,539 Okay, Marshall forgot his pants. That's pretty funny. 91 00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:03,405 It's no chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos. 92 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:07,173 I mean, what did he... He forgot he put the first one on? 93 00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:10,081 Stupid monkey. 94 00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:14,413 So Karen in New York. Weird, right? 95 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,953 Ted, you cannot get back together with Karen. 96 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:19,250 I never said I was going to get back together with her. 97 00:05:19,357 --> 00:05:20,756 But I was thinking, she's new in town. 98 00:05:20,858 --> 00:05:22,722 Would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call? 99 00:05:22,826 --> 00:05:24,953 No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. 100 00:05:25,062 --> 00:05:26,529 It would be the fourth worst thing. 101 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,757 Number one, super volcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the Earth. 102 00:05:29,865 --> 00:05:34,267 Number three, all footage of Evel Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. 103 00:05:34,369 --> 00:05:36,269 Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark. 104 00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:39,771 I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list. 105 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,602 You don't know the whole story. 106 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:46,304 Ted and Karen were off-and-on all through college, and it always went the same way. 107 00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:49,312 They'd be having fun, douching it up, and then one day... 108 00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:54,049 I know you think pepperoni is fascist, and you're totally right, so I... 109 00:05:54,151 --> 00:05:56,085 Oh, my God! Karen! 110 00:05:57,388 --> 00:05:58,821 Sorry, bro. 111 00:05:59,556 --> 00:06:00,887 Before you say anything, 112 00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:04,891 I think that you should read Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal. 113 00:06:07,096 --> 00:06:08,324 Okay. 114 00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:11,055 So then they break up. 115 00:06:11,165 --> 00:06:14,430 Ted would be all depressed and we would wait the appropriate amount of time 116 00:06:14,535 --> 00:06:16,399 and then we would tell him how we really felt. 117 00:06:17,237 --> 00:06:18,329 Karen and I broke up. 118 00:06:18,438 --> 00:06:20,871 - We hated her! - Bitch had to go! 119 00:06:21,974 --> 00:06:23,965 And then Ted would build up a head of steam 120 00:06:24,076 --> 00:06:28,375 and finally take the bus to Providence to give Karen a piece of his mind. 121 00:06:29,614 --> 00:06:31,638 - How'd it go? - Great. 122 00:06:32,549 --> 00:06:34,244 Look who's back! 123 00:06:35,119 --> 00:06:37,052 - Karen! - Karen! 124 00:06:38,187 --> 00:06:42,283 And then, sure enough, the whole thing would start all over again. 125 00:06:43,191 --> 00:06:47,854 Make that 10,002 Maniacs, because I got us Natalie Merchant... 126 00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:51,263 Sorry, bro. 127 00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:55,365 So she would come visit you at school and the second you turned your back, 128 00:06:55,468 --> 00:06:57,936 she would bring guys back to your dorm room? 129 00:06:58,037 --> 00:06:59,196 Respect. 130 00:06:59,304 --> 00:07:01,101 Okay, I was an idiot. 131 00:07:01,206 --> 00:07:03,697 She was my first real girlfriend. I was madly in love with her. 132 00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:06,436 We all did stuff we regret in college. 133 00:07:06,544 --> 00:07:09,876 Junior year, Marshall grew a soul patch, wore a Rasta hat, 134 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:12,448 and asked everyone to call him M.J. Smooth. 135 00:07:12,549 --> 00:07:14,846 I don't regret that for one second. 136 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,748 So you guys absolutely don't think I should call her? 137 00:07:17,853 --> 00:07:18,820 Ted, no! - Of course not! 138 00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:19,910 Get it through your thick skull! 139 00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:22,114 Okay, okay, fine, I won't. 140 00:07:22,957 --> 00:07:25,357 Interesting piece of trivia, I called her. 141 00:07:25,459 --> 00:07:26,790 - What are you doing? - You idiot! 142 00:07:26,894 --> 00:07:28,122 Finish the pants story. 143 00:07:28,228 --> 00:07:30,162 I can't believe you called her. 144 00:07:30,264 --> 00:07:32,629 Why don't you just ask her to lunch while you're at it? 145 00:07:32,732 --> 00:07:37,566 Because, Lily, I'm not going to ask her out to lunch, again. 146 00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:40,969 - Wow. - You asked her to lunch? 147 00:07:41,439 --> 00:07:44,999 Why would anyone want to have lunch with their ex? 148 00:07:45,109 --> 00:07:46,133 Glad you asked, Marshall. 149 00:07:46,243 --> 00:07:48,710 There are four possible motives behind an ex lunch. 150 00:07:48,812 --> 00:07:51,303 Number one, they want to get back together. 151 00:07:51,414 --> 00:07:53,847 Oh. Like my high school boyfriend, Scooter. 152 00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:59,181 Lilies, clever. I'm sorry I don't have a scooter for you. 153 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,683 My God, that's funny! I forgot how funny you are. 154 00:08:05,192 --> 00:08:08,627 - Where is that waiter? - Why? You like waiters? 155 00:08:08,727 --> 00:08:10,752 I can be a waiter. 156 00:08:10,863 --> 00:08:15,492 I'm going to be the greatest waiter on this Earth, and then you'll love me. 157 00:08:16,334 --> 00:08:20,326 Number two, they want to kill you. Like when I had lunch with Wendy. 158 00:08:21,004 --> 00:08:23,165 I'm glad we could finally do this. 159 00:08:23,273 --> 00:08:25,604 You know, after the ninth time you rescheduled on me, 160 00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:27,141 I almost gave up on you. 161 00:08:27,243 --> 00:08:30,336 But you didn't. You just kept on trying. 162 00:08:31,213 --> 00:08:35,478 By the way, there's something I've been meaning to give you. 163 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,853 Gun! She's got a gun! 164 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,520 It's a tie. 165 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,454 Number three, they actually do want to give you your stuff back. 166 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,391 Like when I had lunch with Curt. 167 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:54,696 By the way, there's something I've been meaning to give you. 168 00:08:59,402 --> 00:09:03,997 My snub-nose. 38 Police Special! God, I knew I left that somewhere. 169 00:09:04,406 --> 00:09:08,034 Every time I watch the news, I'm like, "Oops. Hope that wasn't my gun. " 170 00:09:10,078 --> 00:09:12,069 Breaking up was the right choice. 171 00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:17,373 Or number four, to rub your face in how great they're doing. 172 00:09:17,484 --> 00:09:19,951 Like my lunch with Nicole Barsamian. 173 00:09:20,052 --> 00:09:22,384 - Who's Nicole Barsamian? - My ex. 174 00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:26,581 - Hello, Nicole. - You look well, Marshall. 175 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,659 You look okay, I guess. 176 00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:32,595 - I'm seeing someone. - Already? Who? 177 00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:35,755 Lee Roberts. He reads at a fifth-grade level. 178 00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,735 You have to cancel the lunch. 179 00:09:41,837 --> 00:09:45,863 I would definitely do that, definitely, except I already had it. 180 00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:50,506 Robin, I'm going to need to borrow the butt of your gun. 181 00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:53,636 I actually lost it again. Can you believe that? 182 00:09:59,385 --> 00:10:01,750 How could you break bread with that woman? 183 00:10:01,853 --> 00:10:05,448 It was just lunch, and you know she doesn't eat wheat. 184 00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:06,784 We had a great time catching up. 185 00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:10,291 I mean, we even laughed about what jerks we were back then. 186 00:10:11,662 --> 00:10:14,255 I can't believe I had a beret for each day of the week. 187 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:18,799 I can't believe I had an iron-on image of Molière on my backpack. 188 00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:21,631 Man, we were pretentious. 189 00:10:21,736 --> 00:10:23,965 So pretentious. 190 00:10:24,071 --> 00:10:25,766 What can I get you? 191 00:10:25,873 --> 00:10:26,931 Hi. 192 00:10:28,741 --> 00:10:32,837 I don't want to cause a scene, but your wine list has a Châteauneuf-du-Pape 193 00:10:32,946 --> 00:10:35,311 listed under your Côtes de Provence. 194 00:10:35,414 --> 00:10:38,178 You might want to alert your sommelier. 195 00:10:38,283 --> 00:10:39,943 And for you? 196 00:10:40,051 --> 00:10:44,919 I hate to go off-menu, but can we have some bruschett with fresh mozzarell? 197 00:10:48,191 --> 00:10:49,681 It was great. It was great. 198 00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:52,283 I mean, there was one weird moment towards the end. 199 00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,658 Yeah, I mean, how do you say goodbye in those situations? 200 00:10:54,763 --> 00:10:57,822 A kiss on the cheek is too familiar. A handshake is too formal. 201 00:10:57,932 --> 00:11:01,059 And a hug is just like a public dry hump. 202 00:11:02,169 --> 00:11:04,399 I think you're hugging wrong. 203 00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:06,801 - So what happened? - Well... 204 00:11:07,039 --> 00:11:11,203 Schopenhauer made a saucy little argument in which he posited... 205 00:11:13,011 --> 00:11:16,208 Ted, honey, I want you to go outside and bite the curb. I'll be out in a minute. 206 00:11:16,314 --> 00:11:19,908 Hey, Karen was the first girl I ever loved. Okay? 207 00:11:20,017 --> 00:11:22,576 And after the year I've had, I... I don't know, 208 00:11:22,685 --> 00:11:25,882 I guess having lunch with her just reminded me of what it was like to be 18 209 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:28,513 and have my whole life figured out. 210 00:11:28,623 --> 00:11:33,252 And I would like to remind everyone that at least I was wearing pants, Marshall. 211 00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:37,024 No! No, no, no! You can't just go changing the subject like that. 212 00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:38,791 Oh. Yeah, the pants story. 213 00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,526 Pants story, bomaye! Pants story, bomaye! 214 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,760 There's no story! 215 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,837 I had a little situation, so I called Lily. 216 00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,428 And just refresh us, what was that situation? 217 00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:48,972 I forgot my pants. 218 00:11:50,808 --> 00:11:52,639 What do you mean you forgot your pants? 219 00:11:52,744 --> 00:11:55,769 I forgot them. Now, I need you to bring me some. 220 00:11:56,179 --> 00:11:57,976 What about your spare pants? 221 00:11:58,081 --> 00:11:59,776 Last Thursday, the mustard incident? 222 00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:01,782 Jeez, woman, you have the memory of a goldfish. 223 00:12:01,884 --> 00:12:06,786 No, Ted, you're not getting off that easy. Marshall's pants story, while amusing... 224 00:12:06,888 --> 00:12:09,550 Amusing? Try very amusing. 225 00:12:09,657 --> 00:12:13,683 ...is nothing compared to this Karen madness. Finish your story. 226 00:12:13,794 --> 00:12:16,785 What? That's it. It was just one kiss in the restaurant. 227 00:12:16,896 --> 00:12:21,128 Why did you say "in the restaurant"? Did you kiss somewhere else? 228 00:12:21,234 --> 00:12:26,102 Like where, in a tree? No, Lily, we did not make out in a tree. 229 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,034 What's with this one? 230 00:12:28,472 --> 00:12:31,373 Oh, Ted. What did you do? 231 00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:40,080 Ted, how could you? 232 00:12:40,182 --> 00:12:43,446 Ted, Marshall forgot to bring his pants to work today, 233 00:12:43,551 --> 00:12:46,315 and you're still the stupidest person at this table. 234 00:12:46,421 --> 00:12:50,720 Okay, Lily, let's be honest. We both know your real motivation here. 235 00:12:50,824 --> 00:12:53,917 You hate Karen because she lingered. 236 00:12:54,026 --> 00:12:56,119 You son of a bitch. 237 00:12:56,228 --> 00:12:57,559 What do you mean she lingered? 238 00:12:57,663 --> 00:13:01,826 February 5th, 1998. I was painting... 239 00:13:04,935 --> 00:13:08,166 Sorry. I... Sorry. I... 240 00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:16,867 You know, that color palette is a bit derivative of early Van Gogh, 241 00:13:16,978 --> 00:13:18,673 don't you think? 242 00:13:21,415 --> 00:13:25,511 Cheat on Ted, criticize my painting, whatever, that's your business. 243 00:13:25,619 --> 00:13:31,352 But I catch you peeping on my man's junk and you linger? 244 00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:33,948 You gots to get got. 245 00:13:34,059 --> 00:13:36,925 The game is the game. 246 00:13:37,028 --> 00:13:39,895 In Karen's defense, I had just worked out. 247 00:13:40,498 --> 00:13:42,362 Why'd you have to paint Marshall nude anyway? 248 00:13:42,466 --> 00:13:44,696 Because he ate my bowl of fruit. 249 00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:48,634 Look, the point is, Karen is a dirty lingerer, 250 00:13:48,737 --> 00:13:51,137 and you cannot bring her back into our lives. 251 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,673 Relax, it was just that one night! 252 00:13:53,775 --> 00:13:55,709 And the next three after that. And one morning. 253 00:13:56,911 --> 00:13:59,504 But at least I had pants on, Marshall. 254 00:13:59,613 --> 00:14:00,978 Although, actually, I didn't. 255 00:14:01,081 --> 00:14:03,242 - Wait, this happened in our apartment? - Mmm-hmm. 256 00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:04,338 Where was I? 257 00:14:04,450 --> 00:14:06,247 You know those sleeping pills you're taking 258 00:14:06,352 --> 00:14:08,115 to keep on your crazy new schedule? 259 00:14:08,221 --> 00:14:09,847 I think they're stronger than you realize. 260 00:14:17,027 --> 00:14:19,621 LaFontaine gets the puck to Turgeon. 261 00:14:19,730 --> 00:14:23,028 Turgeon shoots. Glove save. 262 00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:28,629 Hey, Ted. Hey, Lily. Don't worry. I won't tell Marshall. 263 00:14:30,506 --> 00:14:33,133 I'm gonna grab a beer. You want one? 264 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,602 Beer! I'll start decanting the Bordeaux. 265 00:14:47,385 --> 00:14:49,910 Ted, sure it's fun to look back at a time 266 00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:53,683 when you were a fresh-faced farm girl with a virgin's glow. 267 00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:58,783 But all that stuff, Ohio, Karen, college... All that was BS. 268 00:14:58,895 --> 00:15:02,626 "Before Stinson. " Now your life is awesome! 269 00:15:02,732 --> 00:15:06,895 I mean, yeah, you still live with your ex-girlfriend, which is ridiculous. 270 00:15:07,002 --> 00:15:09,799 Your Laser Tag chops are almost nonexistent. 271 00:15:09,904 --> 00:15:15,273 And your wardrobe, it's like, what, are you allergic to quality fabrics? 272 00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:17,502 Seriously, Ted, shape up. 273 00:15:18,912 --> 00:15:20,572 What were we talking about? 274 00:15:21,413 --> 00:15:22,880 So what's next with this broad? 275 00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,380 Oh, please, the story's already written. 276 00:15:25,516 --> 00:15:29,384 Ted is Charlie Brown trying to kick the football and Karen's Lucy, 277 00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:32,614 who pulls it away at the last second and has sex with it. 278 00:15:32,722 --> 00:15:33,711 Ew! 279 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:36,551 You guys know what I mean. Ted's gonna fall in love, 280 00:15:36,659 --> 00:15:39,787 and then Karen's gonna cheat on him with some meathead, who's like, 281 00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:42,496 "Sorry, bro. " 282 00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:45,662 Wrong, wrong, wrong! 283 00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:47,791 You must have left the right answer in your pants, Marshall, 284 00:15:47,901 --> 00:15:49,801 because that's exactly what didn't happen. 285 00:15:49,903 --> 00:15:51,494 Because here's what happened. 286 00:15:51,604 --> 00:15:54,368 One afternoon, we were at Karen's place... 287 00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:57,435 Karen? Oh, my God. 288 00:15:58,410 --> 00:15:59,968 How could you? 289 00:16:03,247 --> 00:16:04,737 Sorry, bro. 290 00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:12,519 So, this time, the meathead Karen was cheating with... 291 00:16:12,622 --> 00:16:16,682 Was me, Ted. Me... 292 00:16:17,259 --> 00:16:18,953 Remember that time Marshall forgot his pants? 293 00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,152 Damn it, Ted! 294 00:16:20,261 --> 00:16:23,424 You quit trying to change the subject. You crossed the line. 295 00:16:23,531 --> 00:16:26,693 You are complicit in breaking some poor guy's heart. 296 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:31,202 And you, you of all people know exactly how that feels. 297 00:16:32,137 --> 00:16:33,968 You really don't want to tell the pants story, do you? 298 00:16:34,073 --> 00:16:37,200 - What? - Pants, pants, pants, pants... 299 00:16:37,308 --> 00:16:39,071 Fine! Okay? 300 00:16:39,177 --> 00:16:42,270 So, Lily came down to the office to bring me my pants. 301 00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:44,677 - And why did she have to do that? - Because I forgot my pants. 302 00:16:47,149 --> 00:16:50,550 - Lily, what are you doing here? - I'm here to give Marshall something. 303 00:16:50,652 --> 00:16:51,641 Ah. 304 00:16:51,753 --> 00:16:55,382 Here to give him something. Got you. Nice. 305 00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:58,856 Yeah, but I'm in a hurry. Can I just give it to you? 306 00:17:00,828 --> 00:17:02,260 Sure, okay. 307 00:17:03,029 --> 00:17:05,429 And then you'll give it to him? 308 00:17:05,531 --> 00:17:08,090 Wait, hey. I don't know about all that. 309 00:17:08,467 --> 00:17:11,231 I mean, yours would have to be really good. 310 00:17:12,303 --> 00:17:14,771 - What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? 311 00:17:14,872 --> 00:17:18,637 Marshall forgot his pants, so I'm bringing him a new pair. 312 00:17:19,609 --> 00:17:21,873 Huh. Marshall forgot his pants. 313 00:17:21,978 --> 00:17:23,638 Well, it's a good thing that you came by 314 00:17:23,746 --> 00:17:26,977 because he has a really important meeting today, 315 00:17:27,082 --> 00:17:30,949 and it would be pretty embarrassing and not at all funny 316 00:17:31,052 --> 00:17:33,713 if he were to show up not wearing pants. 317 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:37,483 - So, I'll make sure he gets these. - Great. Thanks, Barney. 318 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,318 And you didn't give him his pants. 319 00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,452 Theodore Evelyn Mosby. 320 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:47,861 Of course I gave him his pants. I gave Lily my word. My word is oak. 321 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:51,599 Though I did make some alterations. 322 00:17:58,041 --> 00:18:00,907 Now, as you'll see on page 44 of the contract... 323 00:18:01,009 --> 00:18:03,204 Hey, Eriksen, when did you join AC/DC? 324 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,274 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 325 00:18:07,815 --> 00:18:10,443 Now, can we please just turn to page 44 of the contract? 326 00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:14,714 Hey, Eriksen, I think the Oliver Twist auditions are down the hall! 327 00:18:17,456 --> 00:18:21,893 Hey, Eriksen, "Please, sir, may I have some more pants?" 328 00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:32,332 More pants! 329 00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:34,935 Oh, my God! 330 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,704 That's it? That's the whole story? 331 00:18:40,809 --> 00:18:43,369 - So what happened with Karen? - I'll finish it for you. 332 00:18:43,478 --> 00:18:48,039 Ted left without saying anything and Karen got exactly what she wanted. 333 00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:49,205 Mmm-mmm. 334 00:18:49,315 --> 00:18:50,441 Not this time. 335 00:18:50,817 --> 00:18:53,183 So, you have a boyfriend? 336 00:18:53,286 --> 00:18:56,721 We've been drifting apart for a long time. I've been meaning to break up with him. 337 00:18:56,822 --> 00:18:59,382 God, Karen, you are unbelievable. 338 00:18:59,491 --> 00:19:02,459 You don't have the guts to break up with someone like a decent human being, 339 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,824 so instead you pull this crap. 340 00:19:06,363 --> 00:19:08,160 Okay, you're right. 341 00:19:09,432 --> 00:19:12,696 I'm great with books. I'm great with art. 342 00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:15,693 I'm great with identifying French wines 343 00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:19,034 from within a mile of where the grapes are grown. 344 00:19:19,841 --> 00:19:22,206 But I'm really bad when it comes to looking someone in the eye 345 00:19:22,309 --> 00:19:25,107 and telling them the truth about how I feel. 346 00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,475 Well, we're both bad at that. 347 00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:32,017 But I think we both need to change. So why don't I go first? 348 00:19:32,118 --> 00:19:35,883 Karen, you're a really hurtful and reckless person, 349 00:19:35,987 --> 00:19:39,319 and I never want to see you or speak to you again. 350 00:19:40,491 --> 00:19:41,719 Au revoir. 351 00:19:42,459 --> 00:19:43,823 Ted, wait. 352 00:19:47,597 --> 00:19:51,396 Actually, "au revoir"means "until we see each other again. " 353 00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:57,503 So, I'm assuming that you mean we will in fact see each other again? 354 00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:02,430 Sorry, bro. 355 00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:06,700 - Thank you. Thank you. - Yes! 356 00:20:06,812 --> 00:20:08,939 - Bravo. - Ted, I am impressed with you. 357 00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:11,708 You, too, Marshall. Have you been wearing those all day? 358 00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:14,148 They show off my calves. 359 00:20:14,252 --> 00:20:16,446 Pants story. Tell it again. 360 00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:20,555 You know, maybe it was good you called Karen. 361 00:20:20,656 --> 00:20:23,648 It definitely was. And not just for me, but for her, too. 362 00:20:23,759 --> 00:20:25,659 Later that night, she sat down with Jerry, 363 00:20:25,761 --> 00:20:28,752 and she had the break-up talk she always avoided with me. 364 00:20:28,863 --> 00:20:29,989 So you see, kids, 365 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:32,759 sometimes when you have to have a tough conversation, 366 00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:33,833 the best thing to do... 367 00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:37,425 Wait a second. Wait a second. 368 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:40,597 You said you were never gonna talk to Karen again, right? 369 00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:41,764 Yeah. 370 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:44,467 Then how do you know she took your advice? 371 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:45,600 Hmm? 372 00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:49,106 Oh! Right. Well, about that. 373 00:20:49,213 --> 00:20:51,408 After she broke up with that dude, she called me, we went out, 374 00:20:51,515 --> 00:20:52,880 we hooked up, and we've been dating ever since. 375 00:20:52,982 --> 00:20:54,040 We're really seeing eye-to-eye, and this time, 376 00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:55,481 I don't know, it just feels different somehow. 377 00:20:55,585 --> 00:20:58,110 Here she comes now. Be cool! Hey! 378 00:20:59,288 --> 00:21:01,051 Karen.