1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,660
Great. So, um, I'll give you a call.

2
00:00:03,730 --> 00:00:04,830
I hope you do.

3
00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:05,730
All right.

4
00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:08,360
Look at this.

5
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:10,830
Hey. I just got that girl's number.

6
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,060
Check it out. Holly.

7
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,230
Nice.

8
00:00:15,530 --> 00:00:18,260
Girls whose names end in L-Y are always dirty.

9
00:00:18,330 --> 00:00:21,460
Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily.

10
00:00:21,530 --> 00:00:22,960
Hey!

11
00:00:23,030 --> 00:00:25,530
Oh, yeah, I know it's true.

12
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,960
And don't even get me started

13
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:30,200
on girls whose names should end in Y,

14
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,000
but instead end in I.

15
00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:34,660
Those girls are like roller coasters.

16
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,030
You got to wait in a long line, but once you get up there,

17
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,230
you just hold on for dear life

18
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,430
and hope you don't drop your keys.

19
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,330
Hey, you know what I'm gonna do?

20
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,230
I'm gonna call her right now.

21
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,160
I'm gonna do that whole,

22
00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:45,360
"Hey, remember me?"

23
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:46,800
"It's been so long."

24
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:50,260
See, it's funny because I just saw her.

25
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:51,460
Dude, you can't call her.

26
00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:52,930
You have to wait three days to call a woman.

27
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,100
That's the rule.

28
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,100
Barney, that rule is completely played out.

29
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,730
Girls know exactly what you're doing.

30
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,530
Hey, I got a new rule.

31
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,900
It's kind of crazy, but I call it,

32
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,200
You like her, you call her.

33
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:05,760
I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?

34
00:01:05,830 --> 00:01:07,860
I don't speak I Never Get Laid.

35
00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:11,030
Barney, the Three Days Rule is insane.

36
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:14,100
I mean, who even came up with that?

37
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,730
Jesus.

38
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,230
Barney, don't do this.

39
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:18,700
Not with Jesus.

40
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,030
Seriously.

41
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,400
Jesus started the whole wait-three-days thing.

42
00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:24,760
He waited three days to come back to life.

43
00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:26,100
It was perfect.

44
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,830
If he have only waited one day,

45
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,000
a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died.

46
00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:32,000
They'd be all, "Hey, Jesus, what up?"

47
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:33,230
And Jesus would probably be,

48
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,500
like, "What up?

49
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,130
I died yesterday."

50
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,000
And then they'd be all,

51
00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:40,230
"Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude."

52
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,730
And then Jesus would have to explain how

53
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,930
he was resurrected and how it was a miracle.

54
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,930
And then, the dude would be, like,

55
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,060
"Uh, okay, whatever you say, bro."

56
00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:51,300
Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.

57
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,500
And he's not going to come back on a Saturday.

58
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,060
Everybody's busy doing chores.

59
00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:58,060
Working the loom, trimming their beards.

60
00:01:58,130 --> 00:02:01,860
No. He waits the exact right number of days...

61
00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:03,600
Three.

62
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:05,430
Okay, I promise-- I'll wait three days.

63
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,960
Just please stop talking.

64
00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:08,900
Plus, it's Sunday,

65
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,200
so everyone's in church already.

66
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:11,600
They're all in there,

67
00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:14,430
"Oh, no, Jesus is dead."

68
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:15,800
Then, bam! He bursts through

69
00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:18,230
the back door, runs up the aisle.

70
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:19,930
Everyone's totally psyched.

71
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,030
And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five.

72
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,800
Hmm. Three days, Ted.

73
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:26,900
We wait three days to call a woman

74
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,030
because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.

75
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:33,630
True story.

76
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,800
Okay, fine. I promise,

77
00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,800
I won't call Holly for three days.

78
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:54,900
But I never said anything about texting.

79
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,300
I started things off with something cute and charming.

80
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:58,760
"I was thinking about you,

81
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:02,130
so I thought I'd send you a little texty text."

82
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,700
And the moment I hit "Send,"

83
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,760
I realized it wasn't cute at all.

84
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:09,300
It was the lamest thing anyone has ever said to anyone.

85
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,300
And the worst thing about texting

86
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,730
is that once you send it...

87
00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:17,530
Oh, no!

88
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,730
No!

89
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,500
...you can never get it back.

90
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,200
And then... you wait.

91
00:03:24,260 --> 00:03:27,260
?
And just when you've decided never to text anyone again...

92
00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:31,260
"I've been thinking about you, too,"

93
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,660
"and how weird is it that you texted me

94
00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:36,030
while I was in the bath?"

95
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,760
-What was that? -What?

96
00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:44,730
You made a noise.

97
00:03:44,730 --> 00:03:46,730
That was my phone. I got a text.

98
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,200
-Not that. You made your naked lady noise. -What?!

99
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:52,860
Whenever you see a naked lady, you make the noise,

100
00:03:52,930 --> 00:03:56,060
haha, haha, hahaha, ha-haha.

101
00:03:56,130 --> 00:03:57,060
I don't do that.

102
00:03:57,130 --> 00:03:58,430
Really?

103
00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:02,930
Oh, God, sorry, Lily.

104
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,500
While the men are out hunting,

105
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,530
the women of New Guinea's indigenous Korowai tribe

106
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,560
wash their clothes in the river.

107
00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:22,360
That's totally a boob.

108
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,830
Is that Holly who keeps texting you?

109
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,500
Didn't you promise to wait three days?

110
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,860
To call, yes.

111
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,230
Texting is totally different.

112
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,500
Okay, well, just try

113
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,760
to keep the naked lady noises to a minimum.

114
00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:36,930
I don't make a naked lady noise.

115
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:40,130
Really?

116
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:49,330
Holly and I stayed up texting until 2:00 in the morning.

117
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,600
And we spent the whole next day texting each other, too.

118
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,760
She seemed perfect.

119
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,130
Holly just told me what she's wearing right now.

120
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,460
It is pretty hot.

121
00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:02,760
Yeah, whatever it is,

122
00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:04,430
I can guarantee you she's not wearing it.

123
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,160
She's lying to you to make you like her.

124
00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:07,760
-How do you know that? -Here. Come here.

125
00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:10,830
Because no woman in the history of the world

126
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:14,000
is ever "just sitting around reading architecture magazines

127
00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,830
in my old cheerleader uniform."

128
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:21,100
Okay, maybe she's lying about the architecture magazines.

129
00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:26,930
Oh, no.

130
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,960
Oh, no. This is bad.

131
00:05:29,030 --> 00:05:29,700
What?

132
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,400
She just sent me a text

133
00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,200
that was clearly meant for someone else.

134
00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:37,000
"Hey, baby, I picked up some take-out from Generro's.

135
00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:38,330
Be home soon."

136
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:40,930
Okay, yes, this sounds bad,

137
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,500
but let's think about this, okay?

138
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,400
It could be for a brother or maybe her sick dad.

139
00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:48,060
Scroll down.

140
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:53,300
"And then I want you to do me on the couch."

141
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,400
Okay, maybe not a sick dad.

142
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:58,930
Or a very sick dad.

143
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,260
Am I right?

144
00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:03,860
Sorry.

145
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,100
Hey, guys.

146
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:07,560
Oh, ooh. God.

147
00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:08,860
What is this?

148
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:11,660
It's just some take-out from Generro's.

149
00:06:11,730 --> 00:06:12,930
I'm bringing it home for Lily.

150
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,460
Oh, that's weird.

151
00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:15,730
Holly just texted Ted something about

152
00:06:15,730 --> 00:06:17,430
take-out from Generro's.

153
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,430
Wait a second.

154
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,560
-You sons of bitches. -What?

155
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,560
You're Holly!

156
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,030
So Ted hasn't been texting Holly at all?

157
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,660
He's been texting you two?

158
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:38,860
Look, we knew he'd try to call her before the three days,

159
00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,260
so I swiped his phone,

160
00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:42,700
and I changed her number to my work cell.

161
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,700
We were just gonna bust on him for calling her too soon,

162
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,130
but then he started texting her.

163
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,460
"Texty text"?!

164
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:52,830
Oh, Ted.

165
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,930
Oh, poor, sweet Ted.

166
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,230
We should... we should tell him it's us.

167
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,730
Yeah.

168
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,900
Or... we pretend we're Holly, and we're in the bath.

169
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,860
Yeah, that's better.

170
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:12,660
Well, that was fun.

171
00:07:12,730 --> 00:07:14,400
We should tell him that it's us.

172
00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:15,560
Yeah, we should.

173
00:07:15,630 --> 00:07:17,060
Or...

174
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:19,330
we tell him our favorite color is red,

175
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,200
and we think the cowboy look is very sexy.

176
00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:24,800
Yeah, that's better.

177
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:27,260
I'm wearing them right now,

178
00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:29,830
and they do look sexy.

179
00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:32,460
He put on the boots!

180
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,100
He totally put on the boots!

181
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,260
That was awesome!

182
00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:38,460
But it's time to tell him

183
00:07:38,530 --> 00:07:40,100
who he really put those boots on for.

184
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,260
Yeah.

185
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:43,330
Or...

186
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,300
we just took off our shirt.

187
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,100
Yeah, that's better.

188
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,330
Oh! Oh! You think

189
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,130
maybe we're wearing a black lace bra underneath?

190
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,300
I don't think we're wearing anything underneath.

191
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,830
God, we're hot.

192
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:02,830
Now he's only wearing the cowboy boots!

193
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,330
It is on!

194
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,560
It is so on!

195
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:07,130
Okay, okay, tell him that we're...

196
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,730
we're slowing slipping out of our...

197
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:12,660
What are we doing?

198
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,200
I think that we're about to have sex with Ted.

199
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:25,300
So, you did this to him all day?

200
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,800
That's just mean.

201
00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:28,660
No, no. No, it was...

202
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,530
It was actually for his own good.

203
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,830
We're protecting him from himself.

204
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,160
He... No. He really likes this girl.

205
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:35,100
He had that-that look in his eye.

206
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,260
Yeah, that crazy "I'm about

207
00:08:36,330 --> 00:08:38,030
to move too fast and screw this up" look.

208
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,430
Yeah.

209
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:40,600
It was actually the same look

210
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,700
he had on his first date with you.

211
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,100
And we all remember how that went.

212
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,100
Yeah.

213
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,200
I think I'm in love with you.

214
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,430
What?!

215
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,560
Yeah, well, I-I think I was a special case.

216
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,500
This Holly is no Robin Scherbatsky.

217
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,060
Hey, what is the deal with her hair?

218
00:08:56,060 --> 00:08:58,260
I mean, news flash: they make conditioners

219
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,160
that don't leave a buildup.

220
00:09:00,230 --> 00:09:01,930
I'm so bad.

221
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,300
Look, it's been a while since Ted really liked someone.

222
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,400
He's clearly got a lot of crazy stored up.

223
00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:09,200
We just... we thought we'd get him to say "I love you"

224
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:11,060
before he even makes contact with this girl.

225
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:13,000
And you can tell it's on the way.

226
00:09:13,060 --> 00:09:14,500
He's exhibiting all the telltale signs.

227
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:17,260
Yeah. One: He joked about getting married.

228
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:19,000
"You like architecture?

229
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,130
"We should get married.

230
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,400
"Ha-ha.

231
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,660
"LOL.

232
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:23,830
"Just kidding.

233
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,400
Question mark?"

234
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:28,900
Two: He made a crazy way-too-soon trip suggestion.

235
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,500
"I like beer, too.

236
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,760
"We should totally go to Germany together.

237
00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:34,400
"LOL. JK.

238
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:36,730
LOL."

239
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,900
And three:

240
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,930
He got way too personal way too soon.

241
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,960
"Yeah, my parents got divorced a couple years back.

242
00:09:44,030 --> 00:09:45,560
"It was really tough.

243
00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:48,260
LOL."

244
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,960
And he clearly doesn't know what LOL means.

245
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:52,460
Yeah, but here's the real problem.

246
00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:54,030
Ted wasn't saying "I love you"

247
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:55,800
as easily as we thought he would.

248
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,130
Then we met... Stan.

249
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,530
Why are you making so much noise, man?

250
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,130
So we explained everything to him,

251
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,700
and when we were done, something amazing happened.

252
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,630
Why don't you tell Ted that just knowing he's out there,

253
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,660
thinking about you, caring about you,

254
00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:20,330
makes you feel safe?

255
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:22,560
So, all your fears,

256
00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:24,260
all your yesterdays wash away,

257
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:27,760
and only hope remains in the promise of his embrace.

258
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,860
Go, Stan.

259
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:33,060
Who is this guy?

260
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:34,700
He's a security guard who works nights.

261
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,300
And he eats lunch at MacLaren's every day.

262
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,460
And he wasn't done.

263
00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:38,860
Not by a long shot.

264
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,960
You make me thank God for every mistake I ever made

265
00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:45,530
because each one led me down the path that brought me to you.

266
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,860
...
That's, uh, really nice, man.

267
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:50,800
Whatever. It's okay.

268
00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:54,360
"And when we finally come together,

269
00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:55,900
"I want you to hold me.

270
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,360
"Hold me all night.

271
00:10:58,430 --> 00:10:59,800
"Stroke my hair.

272
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,730
"Tell me I'm a woman and show me you're a man.

273
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,830
"Until there there was only now.

274
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:09,160
You and I... and now."

275
00:11:09,230 --> 00:11:11,360
Yes!

276
00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:14,130
You want me to text that to Ted.

277
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,230
I know that.

278
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:20,160
"I do not ask of the night explanations.

279
00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:23,060
"I wait for it, and it envelops me,

280
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:25,400
"and so you and bread

281
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:29,800
and light and shadow are."

282
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:31,900
That's Pablo Neruda.

283
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,130
I don't know, um, what bread was doing in there,

284
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,430
but that touched me here

285
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:40,300
and here.

286
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,860
Well, if Ted won't say it,

287
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:44,030
I will.

288
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,230
I love you.

289
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:49,430
That's cool.

290
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:52,900
Still nothing, huh?

291
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,560
Maybe he's not in love with us.

292
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:55,430
How can he not be in love with us?

293
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,400
We're everything he's looking for.

294
00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:58,900
I don't get men.

295
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:01,730
Got to head to work.

296
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,900
Will you be... Will you be back?

297
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,460
I'll be back when the wind

298
00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:08,260
and fates and chance bring me back.

299
00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:09,600
Which will be tomorrow.

300
00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:11,800
It's cheese steak day.

301
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,460
Wow. It sounds like you were all over this guy.

302
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:19,530
Hope his girlfriend didn't get jealous.

303
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,400
Did he mention a girlfriend or...?

304
00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:24,700
It was all going great

305
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,230
until Marshall sent Ted a text meant for Lily

306
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:28,460
and ruined everything.

307
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:29,830
Well, it doesn't matter.

308
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:31,230
Okay? It's over now.

309
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,600
I got to get going, but here's what's going to happen:

310
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:35,600
You're going to call him right now,

311
00:12:35,660 --> 00:12:37,430
tell him what you did, and apologize.

312
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,360
-You got it? -Yes.

313
00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,600
Or...

314
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,630
Holly explained everything.

315
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,330
It was all just a misunderstanding.

316
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,600
Everything's great now.

317
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:50,900
-Really?  - Mm-hmm.

318
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,460
Uh, how did, uh, Holly explain her way out of that one?

319
00:12:53,530 --> 00:12:54,800
Well, apparently,

320
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:57,130
her dumb friend Marsha accidentally used her phone

321
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,360
to text her husband Billy.

322
00:12:58,430 --> 00:13:00,300
Marsha and Billy?

323
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,030
No one sprained any muscles there.

324
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:05,900
And now we are better than ever.

325
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,500
Look, I know this sounds crazy,

326
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,360
but I think I might actually be falling for this girl.

327
00:13:10,430 --> 00:13:13,160
You're falling for Barney and Marshall.

328
00:13:13,230 --> 00:13:14,400
What?

329
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,730
They didn't believe

330
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,530
that you could wait the three days,

331
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,460
so Barney changed her number in your phone to his work cell.

332
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:22,660
Holly is Barney and Marshall.

333
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:25,330
Wait. That whole time it was them?

334
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,200
So Holly wasn't in the bath?

335
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,330
Or sitting by her window,

336
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,960
looking up at the stars,thinking about me?

337
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:40,660
Or lounging in her old cheerleader uniform

338
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:42,960
reading architecture magazines?

339
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,860
Yeah. I don't think they actually did those things.

340
00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:50,530
They were just at the bar.

341
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,760
Right.

342
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,560
But, yeah, it was them.

343
00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:56,930
-Unbelievable. -I know.

344
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,260
So you might as well tell them you're on to them.

345
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:00,530
Yeah.

346
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,960
Or...

347
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:05,830
I text them something that will really mess with their heads.

348
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:07,560
Oh, I gotcha.

349
00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:09,900
Okay. How about...

350
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,300
"I haven't told any of my friends yet,

351
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,260
but I only have three months to live"?

352
00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:16,630
-Not bad. -Yeah.

353
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,230
How about "I once killed a man with a shovel,

354
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,160
and those feelings are creeping up again"?

355
00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:24,560
I-I liked that thing someone said before

356
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,260
about having three months to live.

357
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:28,660
How about "I never told anyone this,

358
00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,900
but I slept with my best friend's mom"?

359
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,600
Oh, that is good, but I feel like we keep coming back

360
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:35,160
to that three months to live thing.

361
00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:36,360
Wait.

362
00:14:36,430 --> 00:14:37,660
I think I got it.

363
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:39,430
Oh, yeah?

364
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,760
He texted back!

365
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:45,800
"I probably shouldn't tell you this.

366
00:14:45,860 --> 00:14:49,500
"I mean we barely know each other.

367
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,630
"But what the hell, I'll just say it."

368
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,300
This is it, dude. Here comes the "I love you."

369
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,430
I wish Stan were here.

370
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,660
Stan.

371
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:01,000
What?

372
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:06,160
"I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend."

373
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:14,900
"I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend."

374
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:18,730
Why in the world would Ted text a girl he barely knows

375
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,030
that he sometimes has gay dreams about me?

376
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,900
Whoa. Whoa. Slow your roll.

377
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,330
You?

378
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,100
He's clearly talking about me.

379
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,330
Dude, it's me.

380
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,700
I'm his best friend.

381
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,630
Okay, one: that has never been proven.

382
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:31,630
Two:

383
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:33,230
If anyone were to have gay dreams

384
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,100
about one of us, it would be me.

385
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,400
I mean, look at me.

386
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:38,130
Now look at you.

387
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,300
80-year-old wouldn't be into that mess.

388
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,330
Here's the thing, Barney.

389
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,130
I'm snuggly. You're not.

390
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,560
Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next

391
00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,400
To this business on a Sunday morning?

392
00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:52,500
Wrapped in a comforter, and it's raining outside,

393
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,400
And there's muffins warming in the oven.

394
00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:55,800
I'm cuddly, bitch.

395
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:56,800
Deal with it.

396
00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:59,460
I work out every day.

397
00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:01,730
If there is one thing we know about Ted,

398
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,460
It's that he likes a nice body.

399
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,960
This body would rock his world.

400
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,460
Ted and I have a history.

401
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,700
I know what he likes.

402
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,660
There are things I could do to him

403
00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:11,730
That would blow his mind...

404
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,960
Why do we keep trying to have sex with Ted?

405
00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:17,260
I don't know. It's weird.

406
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:19,660
Crazy, right?

407
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:22,430
Ted's having gay dreams about me.

408
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:26,460
And by me, he means M-E, Marshall Eriksen,

409
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:29,100
star of Ted's gay dreams.

410
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,360
Who cares?

411
00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:32,930
So Ted has gay dreams about one of you guys.

412
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,060
It's not like you found out he has three months to live.

413
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:39,760
That's like, oh, shocking, right?

414
00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,600
Whoa. Hey, look at this guy.

415
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:44,230
How's it going, uh, best friend of 12 years?

416
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:47,400
Well, it's kind of weird,

417
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:50,530
But, uh, I had this crazy dream the other night.

418
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,030
It's a little embarrassing.

419
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:53,430
You can tell us, Ted.

420
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:54,930
This is a safe space.

421
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,630
Yeah, your feelings are perfectly natural, buddy.

422
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:58,730
Okay.

423
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,100
Here's what happened.

424
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,760
So I'm at...

425
00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:04,260
And then I proceeded to waste a half hour

426
00:17:04,330 --> 00:17:06,460
of those bastards' lives,telling them about this dream

427
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:08,730
I had where I ate dinner with my top five

428
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,230
And then,

429
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:12,760
at the end of the meal,

430
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:16,160
Frank Gehry slides the check over to I.M. Pei, and he says,

431
00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:20,100
"Buddy, tonight, your name is I.M. Paying."

432
00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,330
Buckminster Fuller

433
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,530
almost did a spit take.

434
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,160
And then I woke up.

435
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,030
So, that-that's it?

436
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,400
No other dreams?

437
00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:35,860
Nothing confusing or erotic?

438
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,360
Nope.

439
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,460
Okay, how about this?

440
00:17:39,530 --> 00:17:41,830
Ted, you know how at some point in the future,

441
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,260
Machines will rise up against us?

442
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,600
-Sure. -Okay.

443
00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:46,530
So, the machines-- they've killed everybody,

444
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,700
And all that's left

445
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,460
Is you, me,

446
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:53,360
And Barney.

447
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:57,000
Which one of us would you, like...

448
00:17:58,060 --> 00:18:00,300
...get with?

449
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:06,030
And, Why do I have to get with one of you?

450
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,600
The machines are forcing you.

451
00:18:07,660 --> 00:18:08,830
They want to watch.

452
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:10,560
That's just how they get down.

453
00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:12,700
Oh, that's a... that's a...

454
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,060
That's a tough one.

455
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:17,230
I guess it would have to be...

456
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,260
Holly.

457
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,360
Robin told me what you guys did.

458
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:24,530
That's why I made up the gay dreams thing.

459
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,660
Uh, guys, this is Holly.

460
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,360
Hi.

461
00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:30,460
And I didn't wait your precious three days to call her.

462
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:32,330
I knew where she worked, so I tracked her down.

463
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,660
Um, let me ask you.

464
00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:35,260
Did I call you too soon?

465
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:37,260
I loved that he called me right away.

466
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:38,900
I found it very romantic.

467
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,560
And by the way,

468
00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:42,060
I don't sit around my apartment

469
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:44,230
reading architecture magazines in my old cheerleader uniform.

470
00:18:45,430 --> 00:18:48,000
I do that completely naked.

471
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:54,200
So, uh, Holly and I are going out to dinner.

472
00:18:54,260 --> 00:18:55,900
- I'll meet you out front. - Okay.

473
00:18:58,300 --> 00:18:59,460
I'm sorry, buddy.

474
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:01,030
We-We were just trying to help you.

475
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:04,430
And, also, it was really fun.

476
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:07,000
I don't need your help, okay?

477
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,000
I can take care of myself.

478
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,560
And, yeah, maybe... maybe there are some girls

479
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:14,160
who wouldn't like it that I called them right away

480
00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:16,600
or said things too soon, but guess what?

481
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:18,630
Those aren't the right girls for me.

482
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,930
Maybe the right girl

483
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,660
is the one who loves that I do those things

484
00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:25,900
because that's just who I am, and I'm not going to change

485
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,130
because of some stupid Three Days Rule.

486
00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:32,100
Oh, and, um,

487
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,430
Holly spells her name with an "I."

488
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:36,960
So I had proven that

489
00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:38,230
the Three Days Rule was wrong,

490
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:40,060
and I was out to dinner with a pretty girl.

491
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:43,160
And until right now, I've never told anyone

492
00:19:43,230 --> 00:19:44,760
the truth about what happened on that date.

493
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:46,300
That's so funny!

494
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,260
I love indie music, too.

495
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:49,960
We should get married.

496
00:19:50,030 --> 00:19:51,430
Just kidding.

497
00:19:52,330 --> 00:19:53,860
Or am I?

498
00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:55,330
Just kidding again.

499
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,860
That's it. We're totally going to Brazil together!

500
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,500
And I went to my doctor this morning,

501
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,160
And he said it is all cleared up, so I'm good to go.

502
00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:04,000
I think I'm in love with you, Ted.

503
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:07,230
In the end, I didn't need to wait three days,

504
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,560
but Holly really, really did.

505
00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:11,000
Like a lot of rules,

506
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:13,600
there are times to follow them and times to not

507
00:20:13,660 --> 00:20:15,360
But I will tell you this.

508
00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:17,230
When I got your mother's number,

509
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:20,030
I called her right away.

510
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,360
Stan!

511
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:25,730
Hey, fellas.

512
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,860
-Stan, aren't you working? -Took the night off.

513
00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,300
That's great! We can all hang out!

514
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,460
Yeah. Uh, I can't. Got a date.

515
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:32,960
You ready, baby?

516
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:34,000
Yup.

517
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:35,160
What the...?

518
00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:36,630
Wait, wait. Couldn't you guys just

519
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,130
Stay here and do your date with us?

520
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,130
Yeah, it'll be fun!

521
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,800
Look, I'm laughing!

522
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,630
It's fun here! You like magic?

523
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,830
Fellas, it-it's time we said good-bye.

524
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,230
I mean, we shared a very special afternoon together,

525
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,530
And that's something I will always cherish.

526
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,400
I'll never forget you guys.

527
00:20:55,830 --> 00:20:56,730
Do you even know their names?

528
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,200
No idea. Is the tall one Ted?

529
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:00,830
No. That's Marshall. He's married to Lily.

530
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:02,030
Okay. You like chicken wings?

531
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,100
Oh, yeah. Let's do it.