1 00:00:06,634 --> 00:00:09,634 NARRATOR: Kids, on my first day as a college professor, 2 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,100 there re two things I didn't know 3 00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,033 that I wish did. 4 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:16,901 The first thing was that your mother was in that classroom. 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,300 The second thing? 6 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:23,701 Well, to explain tt, we have to go back 7 00:00:23,701 --> 00:00:25,033 to the beginning of the summer, 8 00:00:25,033 --> 00:00:26,534 when, after a year of wrestling 9 00:00:26,534 --> 00:00:28,033 with their feelings for each other, 10 00:00:28,033 --> 00:00:32,033 Barney and Robin finally, well... 11 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,367 Whoo! Lily, volume. 12 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,534 Use your indoor "whoo." 13 00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:36,868 Sorry, whoo! 14 00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:38,200 It's jt they kissed! 15 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,834 They're finally a couple. 16 00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,334 (gasps) Oh, my God, you guys! 17 00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:44,200 This is our first double date! 18 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,300 First of millions! 19 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:46,767 What if our kids get married?! 20 00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:48,000 Oh, I love this! 21 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,901 Yeah... Lily, listen. 22 00:00:51,901 --> 00:00:53,968 Barney's awesome. 23 00:00:53,968 --> 00:00:56,400 Ron's more than just awe-"some." 24 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,033 She's awe-"quite a bit." 25 00:00:58,033 --> 00:01:00,467 She's awe-"a whole darn lot." 26 00:01:00,467 --> 00:01:02,000 Wait, what are you saying? 27 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,834 We're just not feeling it right now. 28 00:01:04,834 --> 00:01:06,567 But we'll totally still be friends. Oh, yeah. 29 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:10,367 Is it something I did? 30 00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,400 Oh, no, no, no, no, God, no. No, no, no. 31 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,567 Uh-uh. Lily, it's not you. 32 00:01:13,567 --> 00:01:14,801 It'ss. Yeah. 33 00:01:14,801 --> 00:01:15,934 It's us. 34 00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:17,101 You understand, right? 35 00:01:17,101 --> 00:01:19,168 Sure, of course. 36 00:01:19,168 --> 00:01:21,834 As long as you're happy, I'm happy. 37 00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,600 (sobbing) 38 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,700 We were gonna take cooking lessons together 39 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,367 and we were gonna go on camping trips together 40 00:01:29,367 --> 00:01:32,901 and then we were gonna sit around telling funny stories 41 00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:36,201 about our cooking lessons and our camping trips. 42 00:01:36,201 --> 00:01:38,967 I know, I know. 43 00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:41,201 (sobbing 44 00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:44,367 So, has the boat sailed onex tonight or... 45 00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:49,634 After that, the summer went by way too fast. 46 00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:51,300 Until all of a sudden, it was the Friday 47 00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:53,333 before my firsday as a college professor. 48 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,834 Whoa, what's this? Oh, boy. 49 00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:58,467 It's just a little something that we got for you 50 00:01:58,467 --> 00:02:02,567 that used to belong to my favorite professor of all time. 51 00:02:05,634 --> 00:02:07,034 A fedora. 52 00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:13,101 I'm Indiana Jones! 53 00:02:13,101 --> 00:02:14,600 I'm Indiana Jones! 54 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,500 That, my friend, is the Dominator 8000, 55 00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:20,300 the best bullwhip on the market, according to my whip guy. 56 00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:23,467 Yeah, I have a whip guy. 57 00:02:23,467 --> 00:02:25,034 You know what we should do? We should... 58 00:02:25,034 --> 00:02:28,101 Finish ourd rinks, go out in the alley, and whip stuff. 59 00:02:28,101 --> 00:02:30,767 God, you just get me. 60 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,734 Okay, I should get going. I got a date. 61 00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:35,433 Oh, are you still seeing that guy? 62 00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:36,500 Uh, even better, seeing him naked. 63 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,867 What! Oh! 64 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,134 I should go, too. 65 00:02:39,134 --> 00:02:41,333 I hooked up with this Chinese girl last night, 66 00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:45,234 and I don't know, it's weird. I already feel like seconds. 67 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,000 Okay, Ted, you got first whip! 68 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,034 All right. 69 00:02:51,034 --> 00:02:53,000 (imitating Clint Eastwood) Hey, dummy. 70 00:02:53,833 --> 00:02:55,567 What did tell you about smoking in here? 71 00:02:56,601 --> 00:02:57,701 Make him whip the habit! 72 00:02:57,701 --> 00:02:59,034 I'so excited about this whip! 73 00:02:59,034 --> 00:03:00,501 I got whip fever! 74 00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:01,534 Just whip him, Ted! 75 00:03:01,534 --> 00:03:02,567 Don't even aim! 76 00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:03,534 Just whip him! 77 00:03:03,534 --> 00:03:04,833 I am so sorry. 78 00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:06,200 No, it's just the whip's not a toy, Ted. 79 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,833 There's such a thing as common sense, you know. 80 00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:09,800 Hey, you can whip me if you want. 81 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,301 I will, some other time. 82 00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,634 Whoo! 83 00:03:18,634 --> 00:03:22,933 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 84 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:27,100 How I Met Your Mother 85 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:31,401 S05E01 Definitions 86 00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:36,534 So, how long has this been going on? 87 00:03:36,534 --> 00:03:38,233 (sighs) All summer. 88 00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:39,367 I knew it! 89 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,634 I knew it! I knew it! 90 00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:43,367 You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend. 91 00:03:43,367 --> 00:03:44,534 Whoa, hey. Whoa. 92 00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:46,100 Wow, no. Whoa... 93 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,367 Whoa, whoa, whoaLily. Girlfriend? 94 00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:49,834 Slow your roll there, Lilypad. Yeah, yeah. 95 00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:52,434 You've been together all summer. I dot get it. 96 00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:54,500 Okay, it's like this. 97 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,100 After we kissed, we sat down to have the talk. 98 00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:00,133 We should figure out what this is. 99 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,400 Yes, we should. 100 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,500 Or. 101 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,334 Or... 102 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,734 Okay, now, we have to figure this out. 103 00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:10,467 Yes, we do. 104 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,334 Or. Or... 105 00:04:15,767 --> 00:04:17,167 Whoa! 106 00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:18,934 We kept trying to have the talk 107 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:20,867 and then we realized we hate the talk. 108 00:04:20,867 --> 00:04:22,467 Yeah, the talk sucks. 109 00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:24,534 You have to, like, talk. (groans) 110 00:04:24,534 --> 00:04:26,267 And be all, "I don't know. 111 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,701 "It's not that I don't like you. 112 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,200 "It'sust that I haven't had a girlfriend 113 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,300 "in a really ng time. 114 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,701 I hope it doesn't make you mad." 115 00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:33,267 (groans) Who needs it? 116 00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:34,701 You needs it. 117 00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:35,801 Guys, you can't 118 00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,034 just keep hooking up 119 00:04:37,034 --> 00:04:38,701 and not at least try and fire out 120 00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:39,901 what you mean to each other. 121 00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:41,767 Yeah, we knew you would say that. 122 00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:43,167 That's why we kept it a secret. 123 00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:44,534 We, that and the fact 124 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,267 that elaborate lies really turn us on. 125 00:04:47,267 --> 00:04:49,200 No, no, no. No. 126 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,068 You need tdefine the relationship. 127 00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:52,667 You ne to have the talk. 128 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,167 Or. Or.. 129 00:04:56,233 --> 00:04:57,801 (Robin and Barney moaning) 130 00:04:59,534 --> 00:05:00,901 I know what you're all thinking. 131 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:04,101 "Who's this cool peer of mine up in front the class?" 132 00:05:05,101 --> 00:05:06,534 Well, I know the board says 133 00:05:06,534 --> 00:05:09,767 "Professor Mosby," but to you 134 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,500 I'm Ted, huh? 135 00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:15,333 Question. Awesome. 136 00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:17,200 Hit it. Yeah, here's my question. 137 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,400 "Ted," who the hell do you think you are? 138 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:22,333 Yeah, "Ted." 139 00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:23,967 We're supposed to learn from you? 140 00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:25,567 You failed as an architect. 141 00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:26,600 Well... 142 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:27,534 And if you're a professor, 143 00:05:27,534 --> 00:05:28,901 where's your h and your whip? 144 00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:30,367 They're at home. I didn't think I'd need... 145 00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:31,834 And where are your pants? 146 00:05:33,068 --> 00:05:34,367 (laughter) 147 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,767 Oh! (gasps 148 00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:37,867 Oh, God. 149 00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,967 Barney, it was awful. I was teaching... 150 00:05:39,967 --> 00:05:41,567 Shh, Ted, now's not a good time. 151 00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:43,734 Whe do you keep your condoms? 152 00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:49,600 Okay, look, mistake #1 153 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,400 was taking that girl's question. 154 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,333 You don't take questions on the first day. 155 00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:54,367 It shows weakness. 156 00:05:54,967 --> 00:05:55,933 Mistake #2 157 00:05:55,933 --> 00:05:58,467 was you should've hit that. 158 00:05:58,467 --> 00:06:00,167 Dude, your pants were already off, 159 00:06:00,167 --> 00:06:01,967 u had a classroom full of people to cheer you on, 160 00:06:01,967 --> 00:06:04,301 and you n't knock her up 'cause it's a dream. 161 00:06:04,301 --> 00:06:05,768 Class dismissed. 162 00:06:05,768 --> 00:06:08,067 Mistake #3: dude, where was the hat? 163 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,434 Because if y're not going to wear it, I'm taking it back. 164 00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:12,501 I think what Barney's saying is that 165 00:06:12,501 --> 00:06:14,000 definitions are important. 166 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,000 You're their teacher, not their friend. 167 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,601 Exactly. 168 00:06:18,602 --> 00:06:19,602 If people don't know their place, 169 00:06:18,601 --> 00:06:19,668 nobody's happy. 170 00:06:19,668 --> 00:06:21,200 Amen. 171 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,734 You have to make things clear. 172 00:06:22,734 --> 00:06:23,800 Run tell dat. 173 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,967 Define the relationship. 174 00:06:25,967 --> 00:06:27,534 Yes! No! 175 00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:29,334 Lily, private convo time. 176 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,833 Lily, can't you just let us be happy? 177 00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,234 You're not happy. 178 00:06:37,234 --> 00:06:39,668 You just think you're happy because you feel happy. 179 00:06:39,668 --> 00:06:41,534 And that's not happy? 180 00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,534 Of course not. 181 00:06:42,534 --> 00:06:44,567 You and Robin need to have the talk. 182 00:06:44,567 --> 00:06:47,267 Why? Give me one good reason. I'll give you 20... 183 00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,167 Wow, you can't even think of one. 184 00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,467 Headlights. Deer. 185 00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,800 Lily, for the last time, 186 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,134 things with me and Robin are as good as they can possibly be. 187 00:06:56,134 --> 00:06:57,501 Oh, hey, look, Brad's here. 188 00:06:58,634 --> 00:06:59,734 I've got two tickets 189 00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:01,467 to the Rangers/Canucksame tomorrow night. 190 00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:04,000 I know you're a hockey fan, so I was tnking... 191 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,668 Uh, oh, um... 192 00:07:05,668 --> 00:07:06,933 Uh... 193 00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:08,134 What do I have to do? 194 00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:09,534 Put a gun to your head? 195 00:07:11,234 --> 00:07:12,501 Buy you a six pack? 196 00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:13,833 Oh, come on, Brad, that's... 197 00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,034 Wow, there's really six of them. 198 00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:18,734 Uh, t, uh, I can't. 199 00:07:18,734 --> 00:07:20,467 Why not? You have a boyfriend? 200 00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:23,501 No. No, no boyfriend. 201 00:07:23,501 --> 00:07:25,434 Great! It's a date. 202 00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:27,900 Hey, Barn. Hey, Brad... 203 00:07:35,501 --> 00:07:38,401 Eventually, Robin and Brad went to a hockey game. 204 00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:41,634 You're probably wondering why I've been quiet all night. 205 00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,367 Um... 206 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:44,401 Damn it, Hordichuk! 207 00:07:44,401 --> 00:07:45,701 You miss another gimme like that, 208 00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:46,933 I'm gonna come down there 209 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:50,234 and put a slapper right up ur beerhole! Come on! 210 00:07:50,234 --> 00:07:51,567 Not really. 211 00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,334 The truth is, 212 00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,634 I-I feel kind of weird being out with you. 213 00:07:55,634 --> 00:07:57,200 Oh, man. 214 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,467 Is this the talk? 215 00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:00,267 What? No, this is good. 216 00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:01,867 Let's get it all out of the way. 217 00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:04,267 Robin, I'm looking for something serious. 218 00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:05,967 No, Brad, no, it's... 219 00:08:05,967 --> 00:08:07,768 But before we go any further, you should know something 220 00:08:07,768 --> 00:08:10,034 about my stuff below the belt. 221 00:08:10,034 --> 00:08:11,900 I was born a little different. 222 00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:13,367 God, no, uh, 223 00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,833 Brad, no, um... 224 00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:17,668 This iabout me and Barney. You and Barn... 225 00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:19,800 Oh, oh, so you, you guys are... 226 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,367 Well, we-we-we don't know what we are. 227 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,200 I mean, my heart says "leap into it." 228 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,534 My brain says "it's a bad idea." 229 00:08:25,534 --> 00:08:27,501 Sounds like you guys need to have the talk. 230 00:08:27,501 --> 00:08:29,301 We're not gonna have the talk! 231 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,768 Would you just have the talk, okay? 232 00:08:31,768 --> 00:08:33,334 It's a five-minute conversation, 233 00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:35,067 and then you get to have sex afterwards. 234 00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:36,933 It's great! Back me up, Ted. 235 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,067 I don't think the talk is necessary. 236 00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:41,267 What?! Thank you, Ted. 237 00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:43,567 Because Robin is already his girlfriend. 238 00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:44,867 What?! 239 00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:47,601 MacLaren's Bar, four years ago... 240 00:08:48,401 --> 00:08:51,034 How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend 241 00:08:51,034 --> 00:08:52,600 Simple: the rules for girls 242 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,134 are the same as the rulesfor gremlin 243 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,534 "Gremlins"? 244 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:57,234 Gremlins. Rule #1: 245 00:08:57,234 --> 00:08:59,067 never get them wet. 246 00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:01,501 In other words, don't let her take a shower at your place. 247 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:04,034 #2: keep them away from sunlight-- 248 00:09:04,034 --> 00:09:06,700 i.e. don't ever see them during the day. 249 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:09,501 And rule # never feed them after midnight. 250 00:09:09,501 --> 00:09:11,134 Meaning she doesn't sleep over 251 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,967 and you don't have breakfast with her ever. 252 00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:16,468 What about brunch? Is brunch cool? 253 00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:20,733 No, Ted. unch is not cool. 254 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,301 Ok, new topic. 255 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,534 How do I pick a tie? 256 00:09:24,534 --> 00:09:27,067 Simple: remember in the movie Predator... 257 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:31,834 I've done all three of those things with Robin. 258 00:09:31,834 --> 00:09:33,700 Is she my girlfriend? 259 00:09:35,468 --> 00:09:38,967 Just once, I wish you guys would call me on Tuxedo Night. 260 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:43,534 ANNOUNCER (over intercom): Ladies and gentlemen, time to pucker up 261 00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:45,534 for the New York Rangers Kiss Cam! 262 00:09:45,534 --> 00:09:48,733 CROWD (chanting): Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 263 00:09:48,733 --> 00:09:49,967 Okayhow about this? 264 00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:51,834 If you kiss me and you feel bad about it, 265 00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,067 you're meant to be with Barney. 266 00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,201 Why not? Lay it on me. 267 00:09:56,201 --> 00:09:57,733 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 268 00:09:57,733 --> 00:09:59,568 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 269 00:09:59,568 --> 00:10:02,267 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 270 00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:03,568 Hey, Bd. 271 00:10:05,967 --> 00:10:07,401 Brad, we can't fight like this all night! 272 00:10:07,401 --> 00:10:10,234 We both got some good shots in. Let's call a truce! 273 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,834 It's oy, dude. 274 00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,667 I shouldn't go kissing some other guy's girlfriend. 275 00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:16,201 (laughing) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, girlfriend? 276 00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:17,334 He come on. 277 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:18,633 That's putting it a bit strongly. 278 00:10:18,633 --> 00:10:20,534 A bit strongly.She's no Okay, yeah. 279 00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:22,633 A gifriend's a bit much, Brad, okay? 280 00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:23,800 (both laughing) 281 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,301 Okay, seriously. 282 00:10:26,301 --> 00:10:29,167 We're at the point of physical violence. 283 00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:31,501 Now, will you ease have the talk? 284 00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:32,900 Because of that? 285 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,667 Come on. That's thing. 286 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,568 I'm always punching guys. Mm-hmm. 287 00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:39,334 Girls-- I'll punch a baby. I don't care. 288 00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:43,401 Finally, my first clas had arrived. 289 00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:44,700 For real this time. 290 00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:46,401 I knew I had to make a strong impression. 291 00:10:46,401 --> 00:10:48,034 I had thought of everything. 292 00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:49,834 Except... 293 00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:51,967 Wait. Does professor have one "F" or two? 294 00:10:51,967 --> 00:10:53,867 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 295 00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:55,167 Professor. 296 00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:56,534 Pro-fess-or. 297 00:10:56,534 --> 00:10:58,101 They're all staring at me. 298 00:10:58,101 --> 00:11:00,568 Professor. Uh, I don't know. 299 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:03,034 Ju do something! 300 00:11:03,034 --> 00:11:05,201 Two "F's." That looks right. 301 00:11:05,201 --> 00:11:06,667 I think that's right. 302 00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:26,067 Hey, sorry I went little too far last night. 303 00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,367 Oh, look, we've been over this. 304 00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:29,234 Unless I say "flugelhorn," you haven't gone too far. 305 00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:32,434 No, meant punching Brad. 306 00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:34,367 Oh, right. Look, don't even worry about it. 307 00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:36,234 It's... oh. God. 308 00:11:36,234 --> 00:11:37,800 The doorknob's broken off. 309 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,434 We're locked in here. 310 00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:41,434 Did, did you do this? No. 311 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,667 Flugelhorn. Did you do this? 312 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:44,834 No. 313 00:11:45,568 --> 00:11:49,000 Ted? Ted, are you out there? 314 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,034 Ted's not here, Robin. 315 00:11:51,034 --> 00:11:52,800 Lily, let us out of here. 316 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,167 I'd be glad to. 317 00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:57,167 Just as soon as you and Barney have the talk. 318 00:12:01,301 --> 00:12:02,900 Lily! Come on. Let us out! 319 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,501 No. Sit down, 320 00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:06,633 define the relationship, write down 321 00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,534 that definition on a piece of paper, 322 00:12:08,534 --> 00:12:09,900 slip it under the door, 323 00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:12,501 and if I like what I read, you can go. 324 00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:14,600 We are not having the talk! 325 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,633 Then you'll die in there. 326 00:12:15,633 --> 00:12:17,167 You're gonna lock us in here? 327 00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:18,334 Well, guess what? 328 00:12:18,334 --> 00:12:20,733 Maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex! 329 00:12:20,733 --> 00:12:22,401 Well, guess what? 330 00:12:22,401 --> 00:12:25,334 I brought Marshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same. 331 00:12:25,334 --> 00:12:27,468 Hey, guys. 332 00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:30,600 NARRATOR: I still hadn't decided 333 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,567 what kind of professor I wanted to be-- 334 00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:34,867 authoritative or cool guy. 335 00:12:34,867 --> 00:12:39,234 I thought I would decide in the moment. 336 00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,235 And I did. About 20 times. 337 00:12:39,234 --> 00:12:41,500 Good morning. 338 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,834 'Sup, dudes? 339 00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,901 Silence! 340 00:12:46,034 --> 00:12:47,834 This is Architecture 101. 341 00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,634 I am Professor Mosby. 342 00:12:50,634 --> 00:12:53,333 But you can call me Ted. 343 00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:56,300 Professor Mosby. 344 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,500 T-Dawg. 345 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,634 Do not call me T-Dawg. 346 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,467 Ner take questions on the first day. 347 00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:06,901 It shows weakness. 348 00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:08,234 Also, 349 00:13:08,234 --> 00:13:11,201 don't look right here. 350 00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:12,400 (Barney chuckles) 351 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,534 Okay, good luck. Byesies. 352 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:19,467 NARRATOR: This was it: my crossroads moment. 353 00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:22,333 What kind of professor was I gonna be 354 00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:24,067 I had to decide. 355 00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,934 Please save all your qstions until the end of the lecture. 356 00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:28,367 (in high-pitched voice): Thank you! 357 00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:29,467 Now... 358 00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:31,201 NARRATOR: Professor Mosby d arrived. 359 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,634 Of course, if I had taken that girl's question-- 360 00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:35,734 who, by the way,was not your mo 361 00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:37,333 Your mom was sitting... 362 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,367 Wait, let me finish this story al quick. 363 00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,400 Here's what that girl wod have said. 364 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,901 I'm sorry to bother you,Professor Mo 365 00:13:43,901 --> 00:13:46,600 but this isn't Architecture 101. 366 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,333 This is Economics 305. 367 00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:50,134 You're in the wrong classroom. 368 00:13:50,134 --> 00:13:52,101 NARRATOR: Yes, I was in the wrong classroom. 369 00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:53,367 And thus began 370 00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,367 the most humiliating seven minutes of my life. 371 00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:57,600 Here's your ink-about-it for the day. 372 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,134 Every single person in this room 373 00:14:00,134 --> 00:14:02,801 is already an architect. 374 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,834 Architect? 375 00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:10,168 Hmm. Ooh. 376 00:14:10,168 --> 00:14:12,001 "We're just hanging out." 377 00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:14,567 Just hanging out? 378 00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,500 Not good enough. 379 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:17,934 Not good enough! 380 00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:26,234 Can anyone here tell me what this class is really all about? 381 00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:27,801 Economics? 382 00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:29,433 (laughter) 383 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,667 No. No, no. Don't laugh. 384 00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:33,101 He's not... He's not entirely wrong. 385 00:14:33,101 --> 00:14:35,767 An architect must be economical 386 00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:37,801 in his use of space, 387 00:14:37,801 --> 00:14:40,600 so, well done. 388 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,534 Looks like somone's building 389 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:46,600 towards an A, huh? 390 00:14:48,101 --> 00:14:49,867 "We're seeing where things are going." 391 00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:51,134 (laughs) 392 00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:54,101 I'll tell you where things aren't going-- 393 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,600 out of that bedroom. 394 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,001 Not good enough. 395 00:14:57,001 --> 00:15:00,300 Not good eugh! 396 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,001 You-- 397 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,700 why do you want to be an architect? 398 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:06,300 I don't want to be an architect. 399 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,034 Yes. Yes, exactly. 400 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,134 It-It's not something 401 00:15:10,134 --> 00:15:11,333 you want to be. 402 00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:13,034 It's something you need to be. 403 00:15:13,034 --> 00:15:14,600 You dot have a choice, right? 404 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,234 None of you has a choice 405 00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:19,500 No questions! 406 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,234 "We're Barnman and Robin." 407 00:15:22,234 --> 00:15:24,600 (laughs) 408 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,634 Oh, come on, you got to admit, that's kind of funny, Lily. 409 00:15:27,634 --> 00:15:29,934 Not good enough. 410 00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:32,767 (shouting): Not good enough! 411 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,034 So if any of you 412 00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,300 have even the slightest inclination 413 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,567 to do anything with your life other than become an architect, 414 00:15:40,567 --> 00:15:43,168 you're wasting my time and yours. 415 00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:44,567 There's the door 416 00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,168 You can go. 417 00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:54,467 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 418 00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,168 Wait, wait, wait. Don't-Don't all leave! 419 00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:58,034 Architecture's fun! Look! 420 00:15:58,034 --> 00:15:59,268 I brought a hacky sack! 421 00:15:59,268 --> 00:16:00,534 MAN: Sorry, I'm late, everyone. 422 00:16:00,534 --> 00:16:02,134 My name is Professor Calzonetti. 423 00:16:02,134 --> 00:16:03,667 This is Economics 305. 424 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,201 You may return to your seats. 425 00:16:05,201 --> 00:16:06,500 (Ted laughs) 426 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,700 Uh, sorry, sir. 427 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,734 This is, uh, Architecture 101. 428 00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:11,867 Who invited their dad, right? 429 00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:13,567 CALZONETTI: Young man, 430 00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:14,834 for the last 28 years, 431 00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:16,967 Economics 305 has been taught right here 432 00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:19,634 in building 14, room 7. 433 00:16:19,634 --> 00:16:21,001 Uh, yeah. 434 00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:23,234 Buddy, I'm sure 200 architecture students 435 00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:26,034 and their professor all got the room wrong. 436 00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:27,867 T-Dawg, you're in the wrong room, bro. 437 00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:30,101 (laughter) 438 00:16:34,534 --> 00:16:36,700 Sorry. Coming through. 439 00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,567 Excuse me. Whoa. 440 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,667 20 minutes late on your first day? 441 00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:52,300 That's rough. MARSHALL: Mm. 442 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,867 Yeah, but here's the funny thing. 443 00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,567 By that point, I didn't have time 444 00:16:55,567 --> 00:16:58,101 to think about what kind of teacher I was going to be. 445 00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,400 I just got up there and talked about architecture. 446 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,634 And it was kind of great. 447 00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:04,268 That's awesome, Ted. MARSHALL: Yeah. 448 00:17:04,268 --> 00:17:05,333 Congratulations, buddy. 449 00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:06,134 Thanks. 450 00:17:06,134 --> 00:17:07,300 ROBIN: Nice job, Ted. 451 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:08,634 BAEY: Hey, Ted, door five! 452 00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:09,734 (thump) 453 00:17:09,734 --> 00:17:11,634 Were you there? Yeah, I got you, buddy. 454 00:17:11,634 --> 00:17:13,867 They still haven't had the talk, huh? 455 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,700 I think I know how to speed things up 456 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,067 (sighs) 457 00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:21,500 (sniffing) 458 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,567 Oh, not cool! 459 00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,168 Pancakes, fresh bacon. 460 00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:31,400 It is so yummy. 461 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,834 Uh, dude, I'm starving. Let's... 462 00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,567 Let's just have the stupid talk. 463 00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,001 Come on. Fine. 464 00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:38,567 But 465 00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:40,101 how do these this even work? 466 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,201 What do we say? 467 00:17:41,201 --> 00:17:43,367 (Lily clears throat loudly) 468 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:48,168 Huh. 469 00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:49,169 Where do you see this relationship going? 470 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,467 Oh, my God, that sounds so cheesy. 471 00:17:51,467 --> 00:17:52,734 (laughin I know, right? 472 00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,901 Totally. But, um, 473 00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:58,433 where-where do you see this relationship going? 474 00:17:58,434 --> 00:18:00,901 I don't know. 475 00:18:00,901 --> 00:18:02,567 I mean, 476 00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:04,201 it's not like I don't like you. 477 00:18:04,201 --> 00:18:06,567 I just haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. 478 00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:08,367 I hope that doesn't make you mad. 479 00:18:08,367 --> 00:18:09,700 Mad? 480 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:10,901 I feel the same way. 481 00:18:10,901 --> 00:18:12,201 I suck at relationshs. 482 00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:12,967 I mean, 483 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,433 except with Ted. 484 00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:17,400 Man, he really got it right. 485 00:18:17,401 --> 00:18:18,767 I know it's a cliche 486 00:18:18,768 --> 00:18:22,134 but he really ruined me for other men. 487 00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:24,668 NARRATOR: Of course, I wasn't in the room for this conversation, 488 00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:27,134 but I have to imagine Robin said something like that. 489 00:18:27,134 --> 00:18:28,267 BARNEY: Hmm. 490 00:18:28,267 --> 00:18:30,933 Maybe we should go back to being jt friends. 491 00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:32,401 Maybe. 492 00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:34,634 But, um, 493 00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:36,501 I don't want to stop having sex. 494 00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,000 Oh, good. Me, neither. 495 00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:41,000 Yeah. Friends isn't gonna work. 496 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,467 Nope. Oh, we're not good at being friends. 497 00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:44,100 We're nogood at being in a relationship. 498 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,267 Wh are we good at? 499 00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:47,501 I know something we're good at. 500 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,800 I don't know. If we're gonna do it again, 501 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:49,900 I'm gonna need some Gatorade, or... 502 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,034 No! No, t that. 503 00:18:52,034 --> 00:18:53,601 (quietly): Lying. Okay, think about it. 504 00:18:53,601 --> 00:18:56,167 We spent the whole summer lying about being just friends. 505 00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:58,601 Why not just keep lying? 506 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,200 Really?ROBIN: Yeah. 507 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,034 Really. We sat down. We had the talk. 508 00:19:10,034 --> 00:19:11,567 Barney's my boyfriend now. 509 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,900 And Robin's my girlfriend. 510 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:15,867 I know it sounds nuts, but it feels good to say. 511 00:19:15,867 --> 00:19:18,900 We're both afraid of commitment, but, the fact is, 512 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,734 we also can't live without each other. 513 00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:22,768 And if the alternative is not being together, 514 00:19:22,768 --> 00:19:24,967 then it's worth taking this risk 'cause... 515 00:19:25,768 --> 00:19:27,967 ...she's awesome. 516 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,434 And he's awesome. 517 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,501 He looks nice in a suit. 518 00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:33,800 She can handle her Scotch. 519 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,467 He's my boyfriend. 520 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,401 And she's my girlfriend. 521 00:19:43,634 --> 00:19:45,200 Oh! 522 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,734 (shoutg): Good enough! 523 00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:50,234 (both laughing) 524 00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:52,434 We are good. She bought it. 525 00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:53,933 Hook, line, and sinker. 526 00:19:53,933 --> 00:19:55,100 are good. 527 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:56,200 Oh, totally. Mm. 528 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,134 So, you want to get some breakfast? 529 00:19:58,134 --> 00:20:00,967 You know, brunch actuall does sound kind of good. 530 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,833 Hmm. Well, lead the way, sweetie pie. 531 00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:05,367 Wow! Flugelhorn. 532 00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:07,000 Yeah, that felt wrong. Mm. 533 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,200 Mm. (laughs) 534 00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:20,367 You do realize they were lying, right? 535 00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:21,933 No, Ted. 536 00:20:21,933 --> 00:20:24,334 They don't realize they weren't lying. 537 00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:25,933 NARRATOR: And that's the story 538 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,234 of how Barney and Robin became boyfriend and girlfriend. 539 00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:34,668 Oh, hello. 540 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,334 Hello. Good evening. 541 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,800 Hello. Don't get up. 542 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,367 Didn't we meet on a yacht? 543 00:20:39,367 --> 00:20:41,000 Hello. 544 00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:45,034 What? 545 00:20:45,034 --> 00:20:46,234 Oh, no! 546 00:20:46,234 --> 00:20:48,967 Did I not tell you guys that it was Tuxedo Night? 547 00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:53,734 Doesn't feel very good, does it? 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00