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This is the story
of two blind dates.
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00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:06,601
One in 2009...
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00:00:06,601 --> 00:00:08,868
And one seven years earlier.
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00:00:08,868 --> 00:00:11,367
In all that time,
my dating routine
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00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:13,934
remained more or less
the same...
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...until the fall of 2009,
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when I finally had a date
that was different.
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Because it was
exactly the same.
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00:00:25,033 --> 00:00:27,901
I was on a blind date
with the same woman
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00:00:27,901 --> 00:00:30,501
I went on a blind date with
seven years earlier.
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00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:31,334
Ted?
Ted?
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Jen?
Jen?
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It's nice to meet you.
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And she didn't remember it.
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But then again...
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It's nice to meet you, too.
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Neither did I.
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Do you want to...?
Yeah.
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Sync and corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:54,133 --> 00:00:56,167
Guess who just got four tickets
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to the "Origins of Chewbacca"
Star Wars exhibit?
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Why?
No, I said, "Guess who?"
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I heard you.
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Yeah, um, isn't it a little early
in our relationship
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to do something that
would end our relationship?
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What? No, what are
you talking about?
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It can be our first
double date as couples!
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And plus,
it sounds awesome!
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Is the original Chewbacca
going to be there?
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Peter Mayhew, in the fur.
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Who's with me?
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Hey, do you think
they'll have
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00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,634
Wookiee to English
dictionaries there?
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I mean, even just an everyday
phrase book would be helpful.
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00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:25,701
We're not going
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to the "Origins of Chewbacca"
exhibit, Marshall.
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It's in Houston this year.
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Everyone knows that.
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I just wanted to get
rid of the girls.
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Where are you taking me, Barney?
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This wasn't the first time
your Uncle Barney had kidnapped one of us.
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Wait a second.
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The "Origins of Chewbacca"
exhibit's in Montreal this year.
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Everyone knows that.
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Where are you taking me?
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My guy in the DA's office
scored us
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front row seats
to a lethal injection.
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00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,734
But we're still stopping
for chili dogs first.
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Stop the cab.
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Where are you taking me?
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00:02:02,734 --> 00:02:04,501
Barney,
why are we here?
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Marshall, now that
Robin and I are together,
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I've learned a lot
about relationships
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by watching you and Lily.
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Thanks, man.
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You're a terrible couple.
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Lily has taken
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all the man out of you.
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I used to think that's just
every relationship.
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00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:18,767
But what I've got with Robin
proves that you can
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have a girlfriend and fully
functioning male genitalia
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all at the same time.
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Okay, right.
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So, if Robin knew
that you were here,
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she would be completely
fine with it?
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Are you kidding?
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She'd sprint down here
with a purse full of singles
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and a poncho
for the 10:30 Jell-O show.
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BT-Dub, I called ahead--
it's lime.
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Meanwhile, Jen and I were at
my favorite
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00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,200
first date restaurant...
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for the second time.
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So, Jen, what do you do?
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I'm between jobs--
banking crisis.
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I'm between jobs--
Internet bubble burst.
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Makes me realize I should
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go into something
more stable...
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like banking.
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So what about you?
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I'm an architect.
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Hopefully, one day,
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I can use my own humble brush
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on the masterpiece that is
Manhattan's skyline.
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I teach aritecture.
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Get 50% off
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Married!
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What is wrong with you?
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You're just looking.
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It's like fantasizing
about other women.
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It's harmless.
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What.
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Don't tell me you don't
fantasize about other women.
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I do!
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It's just not that easy.
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False.
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00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:35,000
I once fantasized about
that silhouette chick
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you see on a truck's mudflaps.
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Took me less than a mile.
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Not everyone is you,
okay, Barney?
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Even when I do start to have
a dirty thought like that...
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it seems so much like cheating
on Lily, that I feel guilty
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So first, I need to have
a different fantasy.
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Bad news.
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Lily has a rare and fatal
hiccup disorder
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that's apparently
medical illegitimate.
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What?! How could this be?!
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Beats me, but it says it
right here
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on this doctor clipboard
that doctors have.
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It's time, baby.
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I will never love again.
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No, Marshall, you must.
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And after
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an appropriate number of years,
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you should
find someone else.
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Someone like that
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busty delivery girl
from that one time.
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And plow her like a cornfield.
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And so, Marshall,
to honor Lily,
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you must find that busty
delivery girl from that one time
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and plow her like a cornfield.
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00:05:06,934 --> 00:05:09,167
Delivery for Marshall Eriksen.
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Where do I sign?
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And then watch out,
because it is on!
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That is the saddest thing
I've ever heard.
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Dude, Lily gets you
in real life
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She has no business
in your fantasies.
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It's all I know, okay?
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I can't, I can't help it.
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I accept your invitation.
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Marshall Eriksen,
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from this day forward,
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I will be the wingman
of your mind.
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Now, focus on the next dancer.
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Put Lily completely
out of your mind.
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Gentlemen,
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00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,133
say hello J-J-J-Jasmine.
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Barney?
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Is it just me or does that
stripper look exactly like...?
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Ted, we found a stripper who looks
exactly like Lily!
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Yeah, I can't
talk right now.
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I'm speechless, too.
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Everything's as perky
as we've always imagined!
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Stop looking at her.
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Uh, look, I got to go.
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Take a picture.
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Oh, I will.
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But first, I'm going to
make Marshall
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00:06:19,868 --> 00:06:21,567
watch as I wedge
Ulysses S. Grant
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00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:23,033
between his wife's tatas.
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I'll kill you!
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Sorry about that.
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So, any thoughts on food?
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00:06:32,534 --> 00:06:34,534
Yeah, do you wanna share the oysters?
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I would love to share
the oysters.
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Good. 'Cause if you didn't...
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...that would be
mighty shellfish.
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Wow, that's bad.
158
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That's why it's funny!
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We've been on this date before.
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We've been on this
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00:06:56,701 --> 00:06:58,667
exact blind date before.
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In this exact same restaurant.
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00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:04,867
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think
that blind date went too well.
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00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:06,868
Me neither.
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I remember thinking
that you were a little snobby.
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Wait, you...
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00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:14,067
You dress ur cats up
in weird costumes.
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They're not weird.
See, you're being snobby again.
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Oh, my God.
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00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,767
Do you realize what this means?
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Since our first date,
we've done a complete lap
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of all the single people
in New York
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only to end up back here,
with each other.
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Whoa.
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We're going to die alone,
aren't we?
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Well, you've got your cats.
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This is insane.
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00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:38,467
Wait, I got to ask.
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Why did you think I was snobby?
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Wait... Okay...
yeah, we were
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00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:45,100
sitting over there...
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00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,467
Main Lobster.
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00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,567
They spelled "Maine"
without the "e."
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00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:52,167
Good to know we're not
getting the crappy
185
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,934
understudy lobsters, right?
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00:07:54,868 --> 00:07:56,801
Tonight, the role of
pound-and-a-half lobster
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00:07:56,801 --> 00:07:57,801
will be played by...
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00:07:57,801 --> 00:07:59,000
I get it, Ted.
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00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:02,167
Pointing out
spelling errors in a menu
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00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:03,868
makes you seem kind of snooty.
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00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:05,534
Huh.
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00:08:05,534 --> 00:08:06,801
I had no idea.
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00:08:06,801 --> 00:08:08,367
Okay, well, what about me?
194
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:11,767
Aside from the cats,
how did I come across?
195
00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:13,467
That's right-- the check.
196
00:08:13,467 --> 00:08:14,567
The check came
197
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,601
and, of course,
I was going to pay,
198
00:08:16,601 --> 00:08:19,067
but you didn't
do the check dance.
199
00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:40,200
Guys want to wave the girl off
200
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,834
and, you know,
look like a big shot.
201
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:44,467
Huh. I had no idea.
202
00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:46,300
This is good.
We're learning stuff.
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00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,133
You know what we should do?
204
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:49,901
We should retrace
the rest of that night
205
00:08:49,901 --> 00:08:52,601
and figure out what else
we do wrong on first dates.
206
00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:56,534
'Cause let's be honest--
we are scaring people off, Jen.
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00:08:56,534 --> 00:08:58,601
We really are.
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00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:00,334
Okay, I'm in.
209
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:02,067
Great.
Where'd we go next?
210
00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,400
I think we went to MacLaren's.
Okay.
211
00:09:08,868 --> 00:09:12,734
Hey, I didn't really talk about
my cats that much, did I?
212
00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:14,100
And then,
213
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:17,567
there's Tabby-gail Adams,
the jester of the group.
214
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:21,200
Tone down the kitty talk.
215
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,133
Check.
216
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:26,200
You will not believe
who we saw tonight.
217
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,067
Dude, um...
218
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,634
We saw the third
doppelganger!
219
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,501
I should explain.
220
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:33,667
Over the years we had spotted
two strangers
221
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:36,367
who looked exactly like
members of our group.
222
00:09:37,634 --> 00:09:38,734
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
223
00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:40,200
Lesbian Robin.
224
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:46,834
And Moustache Marshall.
225
00:09:47,601 --> 00:09:49,067
By the following summer,
226
00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:51,234
we would find the remaining
two doppelgangers.
227
00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:52,400
But I'll get to that.
228
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,667
Ladies, meet Stripper Lily.
229
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,601
Oh!
Okay.
230
00:09:58,601 --> 00:10:01,067
Yeah, I couldn't get
her face in it.
231
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,567
But she looks
just like you.
232
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,400
So you went
to a strip club?
233
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,868
Busted.
234
00:10:05,868 --> 00:10:08,434
And there was a stripper
who looked exactly like me?
235
00:10:08,434 --> 00:10:10,868
Okay, babe, look,
before you get mad, let me...
236
00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:12,601
Awesome!
237
00:10:12,601 --> 00:10:13,968
I bet the guys were going crazy.
238
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:16,267
Oh, I bet they wanted
to touch her so bad.
239
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,634
But all you can do is look,
unless you go
240
00:10:18,634 --> 00:10:20,501
into the back room, but honey,
you got to pay for that.
241
00:10:20,501 --> 00:10:22,300
So...
242
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,033
Strip club.
243
00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:26,200
Marshall made me go.
244
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,701
All right, so what did I do
wrong next?
245
00:10:29,701 --> 00:10:34,434
Let me have it.
I'here to learn.
246
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:37,100
Well, I kept telling you I was cold,
but you didn't offer me your jacket.
247
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:39,267
It's a little brisk
out tonight, huh?
248
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,767
Not really.
Really?
249
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,901
I can't feel my fingers.
250
00:10:43,901 --> 00:10:46,434
I'm pretty impervious
to stuff like that.
251
00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:48,767
I couldn't
admit I was cold.
252
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,467
I didn't want
to seem like a wimp
253
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,300
compared to your
action hero ex-boyfriend
254
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,234
who you wouldn't
stop talking about.
255
00:10:54,234 --> 00:10:55,601
After a day
of fighting fires,
256
00:10:55,601 --> 00:10:57,534
Jim would love
to come home and unwind
257
00:10:57,534 --> 00:10:59,634
working on his
'68 Camo.
258
00:10:59,634 --> 00:11:00,934
That or bare-knuck boxing,
259
00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:03,667
which he learned
in the Marine Corps.
260
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:06,501
I had an aunt
in the Coast Guard.
261
00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:09,801
Okay, so no talking
about the ex.
262
00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,868
Not even about his
shockingly small wiener?
263
00:11:12,868 --> 00:11:16,868
See? Why didn't you
lead off with that?
264
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,434
Was there
a shower on stage?
265
00:11:20,434 --> 00:11:22,000
Sometimes there's
a shower on stage.
266
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,634
I bet stripper me
would get in there
267
00:11:23,634 --> 00:11:26,167
with another girl
and just go bananas.
268
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:27,467
See, Marshall?
269
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:30,067
We got to have a bros'
night at a strip club
270
00:11:30,067 --> 00:11:32,200
and both of our ladies
are totally cool with it.
271
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,434
I'm not cool with it.
272
00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:35,367
Because they understand
that it's healthy for us
273
00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:36,968
to do that
from time to time.
274
00:11:36,968 --> 00:11:38,100
It's disgusting.
275
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,334
Because it's harmless.
276
00:11:39,334 --> 00:11:41,067
Did one of your
whores tell you that?
277
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:44,868
And, Lil, Marshall shouldn't have to go
to so much trouble
278
00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:46,667
just to have
an innocent fantasy.
279
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,100
Trouble?
What trouble?
280
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,601
It's, no, it's nothing.
281
00:11:49,601 --> 00:11:51,033
Marshall, tell her.
We're all friends here.
282
00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:56,467
No, we're not.
283
00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:59,534
Sometimes I think about
other women.
284
00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:00,667
Okay, it happens
285
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:03,000
But even when I do,
I feel so guilty
286
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:10,033
that I-I have to imagine you...
passing away first,
287
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,801
You're... you're
just my life, baby.
288
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,767
And I love you.
289
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,868
You kill me first?!
290
00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:20,834
I mean, fantasize about
other girls all you want,
291
00:12:20,834 --> 00:12:22,868
but could you maybe
not murder me?!
292
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:23,634
Murder?!
293
00:12:23,634 --> 00:12:24,801
No! I, baby-no.
294
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:26,067
You develop
a chronic illness!
295
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:29,367
I spare no expense
for your care!
296
00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:32,200
We're, like, this close
to a cure.
297
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,701
Remember?
298
00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:35,234
Oh, yeah!
299
00:12:35,234 --> 00:12:36,467
I do remember.
300
00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:38,133
We went in here for a drink
with your friends.
301
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,000
Who I loved...
Or hated,
302
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,634
depending on whether you're
still friends with them.
303
00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:43,968
You loved them.
They're family, Ted.
304
00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:45,667
Let's go in and see
what they remember.
305
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:47,033
And they are my best friends,
306
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:49,934
so don't be surprised if they
suddenly "can't think"of
307
00:12:49,934 --> 00:12:51,801
anything I do wrong.
308
00:12:51,801 --> 00:12:53,567
Did he juggle?
Bad puns?
Mmm.
309
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:57,067
Expect a standing ovation
for picking up a $19 check
310
00:12:57,067 --> 00:13:00,100
Oh, let's not forget
the menu typo gold mine.
311
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,634
Keep pannin'
that river, buddy.
312
00:13:01,634 --> 00:13:03,868
Well, it is a lot cheaper
than buying a coom.
313
00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:05,934
Oh!
314
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:07,767
Actually you know
what it was?
315
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:10,601
I remember him coming across
as kind of a player.
316
00:13:10,601 --> 00:13:12,067
Me?
Ted? Ted?
317
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,267
Yeah.
318
00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:15,133
We were all sitting
over there...
319
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,734
And here's a picture of my cats
dressed up like Batman villains.
320
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,901
You got the Joker,
the Riddler, Mr. Freeze...
321
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:25,100
Wh about Cat Woman?
322
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,501
Yeah, that would've been good.
323
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,501
Psst! Ted!
324
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,734
Nice.
325
00:13:35,801 --> 00:13:39,234
Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no!
I member that.
326
00:13:39,234 --> 00:13:40,734
Psst, Ted.
327
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,968
Nice.
328
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:50,868
We were checking out
Moustache Marshall.
329
00:13:50,868 --> 00:13:52,467
Ah.
Ah.
330
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,601
Gosh, I thought you
were such a jerk.
331
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,801
I'm so sorry.
332
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,601
Yeah, well,
it's nice to know
333
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:59,701
"past me" wasn't
a total jackass, huh?
334
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:02,767
"Present you"
isn't so bad, either.
335
00:14:05,634 --> 00:14:07,267
Thank you very much.
You got it.
336
00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:08,868
Yes.
337
00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:11,801
Oh, yeah!
338
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,467
I remember this.
339
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:16,400
...and there's the
Chrysler Building.
340
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,234
And the Empire
State Building.
341
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:22,234
And at 12:00,
a rotund couple
342
00:14:22,234 --> 00:14:24,000
going at it
against the glass.
343
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,334
Aww...
344
00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:27,300
That's kind of sweet.
345
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,534
Oh, look.
346
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,701
Snack break.
347
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:32,801
Good for them.
348
00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:35,701
Letting a guy eat pizza
off your back, that's love.
349
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:40,467
So, um...
350
00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:43,567
I know this wasn't the best
first date of all time,
351
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:46,200
but, uh, I'm glad we
stuck it out.
352
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,801
Me, too.
353
00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:56,200
That was really great.
354
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,901
Wh... What went wrong?
355
00:14:57,901 --> 00:15:00,234
I remember now.
356
00:15:03,734 --> 00:15:05,400
Wow.
357
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,834
Yeah.
358
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,767
So would you
maybe, um...
359
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:10,367
want to go out again?
360
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,434
Yeah, I, I would.
361
00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:13,501
Will you call me?
362
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:14,701
Absolutely.
363
00:15:14,701 --> 00:15:15,934
Promise?
364
00:15:15,934 --> 00:15:17,834
Promise.
365
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:24,567
I have been so busy.
366
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:25,868
Good night, Ted.
367
00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:35,450
Hello?
368
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:36,784
Jen, I sorry.
369
00:15:36,784 --> 00:15:38,450
Look, I know I'm seven years
late with this call,
370
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:40,951
but I was an idiot
back then.
371
00:15:40,951 --> 00:15:42,517
You saw the goatee.
372
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:43,851
The truth is,
373
00:15:43,851 --> 00:15:45,051
I had a great time tonight,
374
00:15:45,051 --> 00:15:46,717
and I'd love
to see you again.
375
00:15:46,717 --> 00:15:49,517
Ted, there are
two kinds of guys.
376
00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:51,650
The guys that you want
to call you, who don't;
377
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,350
and the guys you don't want
to call you, who always do.
378
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:58,017
And somehow,
right now, you're both.
379
00:15:59,951 --> 00:16:01,151
Baby...
380
00:16:01,151 --> 00:16:04,051
You should be able to fantasize
about another woman
381
00:16:04,051 --> 00:16:07,550
without feeling guilty,
382
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,884
I wish that I could,
383
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,951
but I've been doing
this for so long,
384
00:16:10,951 --> 00:16:13,450
I'm all confused
about death and sex.
385
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:14,483
It's gotten to
the pot where
386
00:16:14,483 --> 00:16:15,951
every time I drive
past a cemetery,
387
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,517
I'm sportin' a partial.
388
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:20,750
All right,
we got to fix this.
389
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,650
Okay, when
390
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:23,884
Stripper Lily gets out here,
391
00:16:23,884 --> 00:16:26,584
you have my permission
to fantasize about her.
392
00:16:26,584 --> 00:16:28,550
And since she's
basically me,
393
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:30,017
maybe you won't feel guilty.
394
00:16:30,017 --> 00:16:32,483
Thanks, baby.
I'm-I'm so lucky I have you.
395
00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:33,851
And stripper you.
396
00:16:35,483 --> 00:16:37,383
Bring out Stripper Lily!
397
00:16:40,617 --> 00:16:42,417
You know, I don't
come here that much.
398
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:43,917
Hey, Barney.
399
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,684
He's the usual
and I'll send over
400
00:16:45,684 --> 00:16:47,684
the other usual as soon
as she's done stretching.
401
00:16:47,684 --> 00:16:48,684
Hmm...
402
00:16:48,684 --> 00:16:51,884
Thank you, kindly stranger.
403
00:16:51,884 --> 00:16:53,784
Ladies and gentlemen...
404
00:16:53,784 --> 00:16:54,884
Oh, hey, Barney.
405
00:16:54,884 --> 00:16:56,017
Didn't see you come in.
406
00:16:56,017 --> 00:16:58,383
I'll load up some
AC/DC for you, buddy.
407
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:00,218
Ladies and gentlemen, please
408
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:02,750
put your hands together
for Jasmine.
409
00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:09,984
I am hot!
410
00:17:09,984 --> 00:17:13,617
Ye.
Oh, crawl for it, stripper me.
411
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:14,884
I is awesome.
412
00:17:14,884 --> 00:17:16,151
Baby, can I get another hundred?
413
00:17:16,151 --> 00:17:17,251
That was a hundred?
414
00:17:17,251 --> 00:17:19,417
Wow, she crawls fast.
415
00:17:21,117 --> 00:17:22,483
Look, Jen,
I wish I could
416
00:17:22,483 --> 00:17:25,318
go back and talk some sense
into 2002 Ted,
417
00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:27,251
but that guy's
a lost cause.
418
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:29,483
He's 24.
419
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:32,017
He thinks a little facial hair
makes him look like John Depp.
420
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,184
And he has no idea
421
00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:35,184
what a great girl
he's missing out on.
422
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,851
But I've learned a lot
since then.
423
00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:40,817
I've learned a lot tonight.
424
00:17:40,817 --> 00:17:41,917
The only thing that we've learned
is that, seven years ago,
425
00:17:41,917 --> 00:17:43,784
it was mistake
for us to go out.
426
00:17:43,784 --> 00:17:46,517
And I guess it was a mistake
for us to go out tonight.
427
00:17:46,517 --> 00:17:47,884
No, it wasn't.
428
00:17:47,884 --> 00:17:49,517
I had a great time tonight.
429
00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:51,917
And seven years ago,
if you think about it,
430
00:17:51,917 --> 00:17:53,450
we didn't miss by that much.
431
00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:54,550
If a couple things
432
00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:57,251
had gone a little bit
differently...
433
00:17:57,251 --> 00:17:59,417
who knows what
would have happened?
434
00:18:35,851 --> 00:18:37,650
Wow.
435
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,218
Wow.
436
00:18:45,084 --> 00:18:47,151
You are the best.
437
00:18:47,151 --> 00:18:49,151
My girlfriend is
at a strip club with me
438
00:18:49,151 --> 00:18:50,218
and she couldn't care less.
439
00:18:50,218 --> 00:18:51,784
I do care, Barney.
440
00:18:51,784 --> 00:18:54,550
Look, we're dating now, okay?
That changes things.
441
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,517
We have to have a serious
talk about this.
442
00:18:56,517 --> 00:18:58,417
Just the best.
Hey.
443
00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:00,184
Girlfriend trouble?
444
00:19:00,184 --> 00:19:02,584
I wish I could help,
but my unbelievably cool wife
445
00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:05,251
just bought us a private dance
with her stripper body double.
446
00:19:05,251 --> 00:19:07,584
So if you need me,
I'll be getting grinded
447
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:09,517
like some pepper,
in the Champagne room.
448
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,051
Just the best.
449
00:19:17,784 --> 00:19:20,151
...now what?
450
00:19:20,151 --> 00:19:22,318
I just remembered
why I didn't call you.
451
00:19:22,318 --> 00:19:23,450
Why?
452
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:24,851
I can't believe I'm gonna
453
00:19:24,851 --> 00:19:27,284
screw this up again, but, um...
454
00:19:27,284 --> 00:19:30,584
I like finding typos in menus.
455
00:19:30,584 --> 00:19:31,750
What?
456
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,617
And I know my shellfish pun is stupid
457
00:19:33,617 --> 00:19:34,917
but the truth ...
458
00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:37,584
I'm not suddenly gonna stop
making stupid jokes.
459
00:19:37,584 --> 00:19:40,417
Now that you mention it...
460
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:43,350
I'm never going to stop
talking about my cats.
461
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,417
They're funny and adorable
462
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:48,350
and totally worth having
to take six Benadryl a day.
463
00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:52,884
Shouldn't we hold out
464
00:19:52,884 --> 00:19:56,184
for the person who doesn't just
tolerate our little quirks,
465
00:19:56,184 --> 00:19:58,117
but actually kind of likes them?
466
00:19:58,984 --> 00:20:00,784
Even if it means
finding ourselves
467
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:03,784
on another blind date with each
other, seven years from now?
468
00:20:03,784 --> 00:20:06,584
Oh, dear God,
I hope that don't happen.
469
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:14,284
Well... good luck
out there, Jen.
470
00:20:14,284 --> 00:20:16,784
You too, Ted.
471
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:21,251
You'll find your shellfish lady.
472
00:20:24,717 --> 00:20:27,917
And kids, when I told your
mother that shellfish joke,
473
00:20:27,917 --> 00:20:29,284
she did laugh.
474
00:20:29,284 --> 00:20:32,184
And I swear, it was only,
like, 30% pity.
475
00:20:39,018 --> 00:20:40,217
Hey, Lil.
476
00:20:40,217 --> 00:20:42,217
Looks like, uh, Jasmine's
having a hard time
477
00:20:42,217 --> 00:20:43,617
getting out of those boots.
478
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,484
What did you say, buddy?
479
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,217
Lily?
480
00:20:48,217 --> 00:20:50,217
Who?
481
00:20:50,217 --> 00:20:53,684
Oh, yes... I am this Lily.
482
00:20:53,684 --> 00:20:56,450
We married long time.
483
00:20:56,450 --> 00:20:59,118
May I have monies for shopping?
484
00:20:59,118 --> 00:21:01,084
Lily!
485
00:21:01,084 --> 00:21:03,550
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