1
00:00:00,034 --> 00:00:01,533
Kids, your uncle Barney had been called
2
00:00:02,167 --> 00:00:03,234
a lot of names over the years.
3
00:00:03,234 --> 00:00:05,101
Jerk!
4
00:00:05,101 --> 00:00:07,101
Bastard!
5
00:00:07,101 --> 00:00:08,834
Barack Obama Jr.?!
6
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:10,500
Mm-hmm.
7
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:13,101
And yes... we can.
8
00:00:13,101 --> 00:00:14,301
But there's one name none of us
9
00:00:14,301 --> 00:00:15,900
ever expected
to hear him called.
10
00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:19,167
Boyfriend.
Barney Stinson is my boyfriend.
11
00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:20,800
I've said it, like,
a hundred times
12
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,900
it still sounds
weird to say.
13
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:25,800
Well, anything sounds weird
if you say it a hundred times.
14
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,201
Bowl.
15
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,667
Bowl.
16
00:00:29,734 --> 00:00:31,468
Bowl.
17
00:00:31,468 --> 00:00:33,500
But other than that, things are good?
Bowl.
18
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,934
Bowl.
I don't know.
19
00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,001
I think Barney's been single for too long.
Bowl.
20
00:00:37,001 --> 00:00:39,301
Like, the other night, I wake up at 4:00 a.m.--
Bowl.
21
00:00:39,301 --> 00:00:40,934
(thud, Robin gasps)
22
00:00:40,934 --> 00:00:43,101
Barney, are you awake?
23
00:00:44,368 --> 00:00:46,767
Barney?
24
00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:48,600
Barney.
25
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,368
This is not
a one-night stand.
26
00:00:50,368 --> 00:00:52,134
We're dating.
Come back to bed.
27
00:00:57,368 --> 00:00:59,700
Bowl.
That's happened three times.
28
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,900
Bowl.
And it's not just that, it's other things.
29
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,167
Hey. What's wrong?
30
00:01:05,167 --> 00:01:07,368
(heavy sigh)
It was just one thing after another
31
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,267
at work today,
and then... (sniffling)
32
00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:11,201
I found out my aunt's
in the hospital.
33
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,667
I'm just, I'm feeling
so overwhelmed and it's just...
34
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:14,867
Shh, shh, shh.
35
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:18,001
What you need to do is talk
through this stuff.
36
00:01:18,001 --> 00:01:19,500
Oh, thanks.
37
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,500
And then, once you're
off the phone with Lily,
38
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,201
I'll be down in the bar
ready to have sex.
39
00:01:23,201 --> 00:01:24,767
Mm-kay?
40
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,034
Bowl.
41
00:01:27,034 --> 00:01:29,401
Look, I'm not
the touchy-feely-est
42
00:01:29,401 --> 00:01:31,034
person in the world, but...
43
00:01:31,034 --> 00:01:32,734
a little more effort
would be nice.
44
00:01:32,734 --> 00:01:34,201
Bowl. Bowl.
I understand.
45
00:01:34,201 --> 00:01:36,967
Bowl.
I guess, in a lot of ways,
Barney doesn't stack up.
46
00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:39,834
Bowl. Bowl.
I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends.
47
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:43,900
(at various pitches):
Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
48
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,867
No, that's not it.
Bowl.
49
00:01:45,867 --> 00:01:46,967
I don't know.
50
00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:49,067
Maybe he just
doesn't have it in him.
51
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,468
(continues saying
"bowl")
52
00:01:50,468 --> 00:01:52,301
Maybe is whole thing's
a big mistake.
53
00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:54,468
Bowl?
54
00:01:54,468 --> 00:01:55,633
She really said that?
55
00:01:55,633 --> 00:01:57,001
And she meant it.
56
00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:58,167
Trust me. I dated
57
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,434
Robin for a year-- if you
don't want to lose her,
58
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:01,700
you gotta try
a little harder.
59
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:02,667
Be more attentive
60
00:02:02,667 --> 00:02:04,533
to where she is emotionally.
61
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,434
You know, just be present.
62
00:02:06,434 --> 00:02:08,034
Yes, totally.
Yeah.
63
00:02:08,034 --> 00:02:09,567
Only thing,
and this is just me--
64
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:10,800
Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,500
I like my testicles
attached to my body,
66
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,734
rather than rolling around
67
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,234
next to some eyeliner
in Robin's purse.
68
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:17,234
Stinson out!
69
00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:19,700
But then
a funny thing happened.
70
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:22,201
Over the next couple weeks,
Barney was thoughtful,
71
00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:23,834
considerate...
72
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,134
sweet.
73
00:02:25,134 --> 00:02:26,934
In short,
the perfect boyfriend.
74
00:02:26,934 --> 00:02:29,834
Which, to Robin,
meant only one thing.
75
00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,600
He's cheating on me.
What?!
76
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,967
Why else would
he buy me flowers?
77
00:02:32,967 --> 00:02:34,401
He's gettin' some
on the side.
78
00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:35,700
Oh, come on, Robin.
79
00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:37,967
Barney's not the type of guy
who would... Go on.
80
00:02:37,967 --> 00:02:40,167
Plus, he keeps saying
he's working late.
81
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:42,667
But when I call his office,
they say he left hours ago.
82
00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:44,034
Well, that doesn't
prove anything.
83
00:02:44,034 --> 00:02:45,368
Yes. Proof. Go word.
84
00:02:45,368 --> 00:02:47,034
I'm glad you
brought that up.
85
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,067
Barney's briefcase.
86
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,468
He forgot it
here this morning.
87
00:02:50,468 --> 00:02:52,633
And what do you plan
on doing with it?
88
00:02:52,633 --> 00:02:54,900
We, we-- you and I--
89
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,533
are going to open it up
and look for evidence.
90
00:02:56,533 --> 00:02:59,267
Ted probably has a sledgehammer
around here somewhere.
91
00:02:59,267 --> 00:03:00,368
No! Stop!
92
00:03:00,368 --> 00:03:02,134
Stop! Eye contact.
93
00:03:02,134 --> 00:03:03,368
Listen to me.
94
00:03:03,368 --> 00:03:05,533
Robin Scherbatsky
is many things:
95
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:07,134
friend, confidant,
96
00:03:07,134 --> 00:03:09,368
occasional guest star
in some confusing dreams
97
00:03:09,368 --> 00:03:11,867
that remind me a woman's
sexuality is a moving target.
98
00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:15,533
But she is no crazy,
jealous stalker-bitch.
99
00:03:15,533 --> 00:03:17,301
Let go.
100
00:03:17,301 --> 00:03:19,567
Hey, I've been down
in the basement
101
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,101
storage area going through
all the stuff that
102
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,500
Lily and I left behind when
we moved out. I'm Robin.
103
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,101
We should've cleared it out
for you much sooner.
104
00:03:25,101 --> 00:03:26,533
There's a basement storage area?
105
00:03:26,533 --> 00:03:27,767
Oh, you're not upset.
Good.
106
00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:30,334
Baby,
guess what I found.
107
00:03:36,934 --> 00:03:38,434
Oh, that's great, honey.
108
00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:39,500
What the hell is that?
109
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,167
Marshall got it in college.
110
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,934
He used it as a
nightstand for years.
111
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:47,368
Until we found out that Lily
was allergic to barrel resin
112
00:03:47,368 --> 00:03:48,700
Barrel resin?
Just go with it.
113
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,667
So you need a hand
throwing it out?
114
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,034
No, I'm not...
115
00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:54,267
I'm not just going
to throw her out, okay?
116
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,034
Mabel's like family.
117
00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:59,334
So, um, what are you going
to do with Mabel?
118
00:03:59,334 --> 00:04:01,800
I want to give her away,
um, to a lucky new owner.
119
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:02,834
Do you know anyone?
120
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:04,600
Yeah, hmm, let me think.
121
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,734
Do I know any rodeo clowns?
122
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:08,734
Oh, that's weird, I do.
123
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:10,567
But even Lenny wouldn't
go near that mess.
124
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,567
Well, he's not going
to have the chance,
125
00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:15,001
because I am putting old Mabel
126
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,734
in the Bermuda Triangle.
127
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,301
"The Bermuda Triangle"
was the name we'd given
128
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:22,067
years earlier to the curb right
in front of our building.
129
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:25,434
Whenever we wanted
to give something away,
130
00:04:25,434 --> 00:04:27,001
we'd put it right there.
131
00:04:30,734 --> 00:04:33,734
It was uncanny.
132
00:04:33,734 --> 00:04:35,734
This is so exciting.
133
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,700
Right now there's some
out there who has no idea
134
00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:41,067
that tonight they're
going home with just...
135
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:42,767
just the best barrel.
136
00:04:42,767 --> 00:04:44,368
Well, let's just hope
they're not allergic
137
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,134
to barrel sin
like Lily here.
138
00:04:46,134 --> 00:04:47,834
Be cool, baby. Damn!
139
00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:50,067
See you, sweetie.
Good luck.
140
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:52,001
Bye, babe.
141
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,734
(sighing)
Now, can we please
142
00:04:53,734 --> 00:04:55,301
get out of here?
Yeah. I'll grab my coat.
143
00:04:57,734 --> 00:04:59,600
Oops.
144
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:02,934
A college notebook?!
145
00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:04,934
Oh, my God,
he's cheating on me
146
00:05:04,934 --> 00:05:06,001
with some college girl.
147
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,134
I knew there was a skank
148
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:09,034
but I thought
she'd at least be dumb.
149
00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:12,734
"Birthday: July 23.
150
00:05:12,734 --> 00:05:14,700
"Favorite hockey team:
the Vancouver Canucks.
151
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:17,533
Age: 29, but tells
people that she's 26."
152
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,001
Oh, my God,
these are notes
153
00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:20,134
about me.
154
00:05:20,134 --> 00:05:22,633
Or some 29-year-old
version of me.
155
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,401
I hope I'm not too late!
156
00:05:25,401 --> 00:05:28,301
I want to see the look of joy
on the new owner's face!
157
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,401
She's still there!
158
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:38,667
Okay Mabel, let's find
you a new home.
159
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,401
Here comes a guy!
160
00:05:40,401 --> 00:05:43,767
And he... he just walked,
walked right on by it.
161
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:47,633
He's probably rushing home to
get a handcart or something.
162
00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:49,301
Yeah!
Hey, better hurry up, pal.
163
00:05:49,301 --> 00:05:50,600
(chuckles)
164
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,633
What are you guys doing
165
00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:53,134
with Barney's
secret Robin notebook?
166
00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:58,334
Let me rephrase that.
167
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:02,267
Did you two ladies
lose some weight?
168
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:04,167
What do you know
about this, Marshall?
169
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:05,234
Why would Barney
170
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,500
have a notebook full
of information about me?
171
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,234
Well...
172
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:10,567
The truth was...
173
00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:13,734
Barney was taking a
night school class taught...
174
00:06:13,734 --> 00:06:15,234
by me.
175
00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:18,201
Welcome to Robin 101.
176
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:24,134
Sync and correction by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
177
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:37,234
Why is Ted teaching
a class about me?
178
00:06:37,234 --> 00:06:39,900
It all started
a few weeks ago.
179
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,101
...rather than rolling around
180
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,867
next to some eyeliner
in Robin's purse.
181
00:06:42,867 --> 00:06:44,234
Stinson out!
182
00:06:49,134 --> 00:06:51,700
Stinson back in.
183
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:56,201
Say, hypothetically,
did want to change who I am
184
00:06:56,201 --> 00:07:00,134
to become a better boyfriend
to Robin, which I do not!
185
00:07:00,134 --> 00:07:03,201
What kind of changes
are we talking about?
186
00:07:03,201 --> 00:07:04,734
Why, I mean,
there's just so much
187
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:06,167
you need to know about her.
188
00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:07,368
Okay, for starters,
189
00:07:07,368 --> 00:07:11,267
don't ever cry in front her.
190
00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:13,101
Okay.
191
00:07:13,101 --> 00:07:14,600
And whatever you do,
192
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,767
don't cry in front of her
four times.
193
00:07:17,767 --> 00:07:19,301
ROBIN:
Hey, guys.
194
00:07:19,301 --> 00:07:20,633
What you talking about?
195
00:07:20,633 --> 00:07:22,267
Fantasy football.
Fantasy football.
196
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:25,368
They realized
they couldn't talk about
197
00:07:25,368 --> 00:07:26,734
this stuff
at the bar, and
198
00:07:26,734 --> 00:07:28,401
since you live with Ted,
199
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:29,767
they had to find someplace safe.
200
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:32,234
So... Ted's classroom.
201
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:34,667
"How To Date Robin Scherbatsky."
202
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:35,900
Lesson one.
203
00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,167
Now, even though she puts up
a tough exterior,
204
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:40,468
what Robin really wants,
deep down...
205
00:07:40,468 --> 00:07:41,800
I'm bored.
206
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,101
You said you wanted my help.
207
00:07:43,101 --> 00:07:45,401
Can we draw boobs
on the chalkboard?
208
00:07:45,401 --> 00:07:46,500
We did that ready.
209
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,500
No, like, really big boobs.
210
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,800
No. Look, I need this, too.
211
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,600
I've only been
a professor a few weeks.
212
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,633
Being up here, it's,
it's good practice for me.
213
00:07:54,633 --> 00:07:55,800
Can we have class outside?
214
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,800
No! What Robin really
wants deep down...
215
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,334
(cell phone chimes)
216
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:02,867
Barney!
What?
217
00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:04,401
I'm tweeting about you.
218
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,734
You should be flattered.
219
00:08:05,734 --> 00:08:08,734
How do you spell
blah-blah-blah-- "H's" or no?
220
00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:10,700
Wow, you were just,
221
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,667
like, the worst student
in the world, weren't you?
222
00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:15,567
They said I had
A-D... something.
223
00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:17,434
Can we have class outside?
224
00:08:17,434 --> 00:08:19,434
Barney, I'm only gonna
say this once,
225
00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:21,401
so listen up.
226
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,234
I love you and I love Robin.
227
00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:25,767
And I want to make this work.
228
00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:27,900
So if you give me
a few weeks of attention,
229
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,434
I could give you
a lifetime of happiness.
230
00:08:30,434 --> 00:08:32,001
Can you do that for me?
231
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:33,900
Do you think I should get
Sports Illustrated
232
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:36,201
for 70% off the cover price?
233
00:08:36,201 --> 00:08:37,434
Can we have class outside?
234
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,368
I got to find a way
to reach this kid.
235
00:08:41,468 --> 00:08:43,334
"Class number two."
236
00:08:43,334 --> 00:08:45,101
"Top Ten Robin Scherbatsky
237
00:08:45,101 --> 00:08:47,834
Facial Expressions
And Their Meaning."
238
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:50,034
Now, notice the vacant eyes,
239
00:08:50,034 --> 00:08:52,934
the pale, queasy expression,
suggesting nausea.
240
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:53,967
What do these mean?
241
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,834
You guys just had sex?
Oh!
242
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,834
Wasn't me.
243
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:02,700
Dude! I worked really hard
on these slides, okay?
244
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,533
Can we just...
Okay.
245
00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:06,533
This look is hunger.
246
00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:08,401
If you ever see Robin
looking like this,
247
00:09:08,401 --> 00:09:09,900
get some food in her quick,
248
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,334
Or one of two things
will happen.
249
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:14,500
One: weird, out-of-context
laughter
250
00:09:15,734 --> 00:09:19,600
Or two: spontaneously falling
to sleep in strange places.
251
00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:25,700
But the most important facial
expression of all?
252
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:28,800
That's a building.
253
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,567
Oh... (chuckles)
254
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:32,034
That's for my class.
255
00:09:32,034 --> 00:09:33,700
The Flatiron Building.
256
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,101
Fun story about it.
257
00:09:35,101 --> 00:09:37,067
It was designed by Chicago's
Daniel Burnham
258
00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:40,633
in the beaux arts style;
this architectural gem
259
00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:41,867
Right.
260
00:09:41,867 --> 00:09:45,067
The most important facial
expression of all.
261
00:09:49,734 --> 00:09:51,667
Whoa...
262
00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:54,567
Flared nostril ridges.
263
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:56,900
Wide, unblinking eyes.
264
00:09:57,767 --> 00:09:59,101
If you ever,
265
00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:01,500
ever see this
face, Barney,
266
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,234
run.
267
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:05,934
And don't take
a picture of it.
268
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:07,934
She will punch you.
269
00:10:07,934 --> 00:10:10,734
And you will cry...
270
00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:13,167
for the third time...
271
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:19,267
that night.
272
00:10:19,267 --> 00:10:22,401
Which brings us
to an important point:
273
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,401
defusing the bomb.
274
00:10:24,401 --> 00:10:26,700
"Defusing the bomb"?
275
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,167
What does that even mean?
276
00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:29,900
"Three Topics
To Distract Robin
277
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,134
From Being Mad At You."
278
00:10:31,134 --> 00:10:33,401
"Distract" me? Oh, that
is so condescending.
279
00:10:33,401 --> 00:10:35,267
These guys are really
starting to piss me off!
280
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,201
"Immediately switch the conversation
To one of the following,
281
00:10:38,201 --> 00:10:40,034
"unless you want
282
00:10:40,034 --> 00:10:42,434
Robin to start
throwing her shoes."
283
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:44,900
One.
284
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,334
"Vancouver Canucks
2004 Division Title."
285
00:10:48,134 --> 00:10:49,267
What?!
286
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,500
That's not distracting.
287
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,034
That's just talking
about the story
288
00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:53,533
Of a scrappy little
underdog team
289
00:10:53,533 --> 00:10:55,934
that prevailed despite
very shaky goal ending
290
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:58,600
and, frankly, the declining
skills of Trevor Linden.
291
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:04,401
Two: "Proper Gun Cleaning
and Maintenance."
292
00:11:05,468 --> 00:11:07,234
You have to clean your gun
293
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,334
My uncle had
a filthy old shotgun,
294
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:11,134
blew both his thumbs off
trying to shoot a beaver.
295
00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:12,900
You want to distract someone,
296
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,468
make them watch my uncle
try to eat corn on the cob.
297
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:20,134
Three: "Emperor Penguins."
298
00:11:21,101 --> 00:11:23,167
Did you know
that before intercourse,
299
00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:26,767
the male and female emperor
penguins bow to each other?
300
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,101
Mr. Penguin.
301
00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:30,267
Mrs. Penguin.
302
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:33,301
Oh, God, silly penguins,
acting all fancy.
303
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:35,134
(both laughing)
304
00:11:35,134 --> 00:11:36,700
What were we talking about?
305
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:39,834
MARSHALL: Uh-oh.
Looks like we got a taker.
306
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,500
Oh, come on, dude.
307
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,034
You know you want to
308
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:45,401
A guy like you,
beard, no mustache.
309
00:11:45,401 --> 00:11:48,600
You're exactly the kind of guy
who could use a sweet barrel.
310
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,134
Do it.
311
00:11:50,134 --> 00:11:53,734
No. No.
That's not a fire hydrant!
312
00:11:53,734 --> 00:11:56,767
What...
For shame, Sir. For shame!
313
00:11:56,767 --> 00:12:00,867
I bet you couldn't even grow
a mustache if you wanted to.
314
00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:02,167
Neither can you, sweetie.
315
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,067
Well, he doesn't
know that, baby! God!
316
00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:08,434
Ted's only teaching Barney
horrible things about me.
317
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:11,167
I don't know.
Check this out.
318
00:12:11,167 --> 00:12:12,700
This is actually
kind of sweet.
319
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,434
Now, we all know
Robin's not
320
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,267
what you'd call
"touchy-feely."
321
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:20,967
She doesn't say, "I love
you," like a normal person.
322
00:12:20,967 --> 00:12:22,567
Instead, she'll laugh,
shake her head,
323
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:27,234
give you a little smile
and say, "You're an idiot."
324
00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:28,867
"You're an idiot"?
325
00:12:28,867 --> 00:12:30,334
Yup.
326
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,600
If she tells you you're an
idiot, you're a lucky man.
327
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,633
And if she does say
328
00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:34,934
"I love you,"
329
00:12:34,934 --> 00:12:37,201
she's already broken up
with you in her mind.
330
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:40,434
I think 's nice
that Ted knows you that well.
331
00:12:40,434 --> 00:12:42,434
Ah, well, too bad it's
next to a page entitled...
332
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:46,001
"Robin Scherbatsky's
Surprising Erogenous Zones."
333
00:12:47,001 --> 00:12:50,334
Right knee-- ticklish.
334
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,267
Left knee...
335
00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:55,468
Does lefty like that?
336
00:12:55,468 --> 00:12:56,434
(moaning)
337
00:12:56,434 --> 00:13:00,900
Oh, yeah...
lefty like that.
338
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:05,101
I can't believe I'm taking
sexual advice from Ted Mosby.
339
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:08,533
That's like taking
fashion advice from...
340
00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:10,334
well, Ted Mosby.
341
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:12,900
Oh, here's a good one.
342
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,800
"Top Five Things Never
to Do Around Robin."
343
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,834
(snorts)
344
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,267
Three: "Never, ever
345
00:13:19,267 --> 00:13:21,434
play the 'Guess Who' game
with her."
346
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,867
What do you mean?
347
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,167
Guess who?
(screams)
348
00:13:27,434 --> 00:13:29,900
It's me! It's me! It's me!
349
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:33,001
Number four: "Unless you want to
see it 80 times a day,
350
00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:36,834
for the next month,
never show Robin a YouTube clip
351
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:39,134
of an animal playing
a musical instrument."
352
00:13:39,134 --> 00:13:42,734
Barney!
353
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,267
Do you have a problem
with this class?
354
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:47,734
Yeah, it's boring as hell
and I'm not learning anything.
355
00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:49,500
Uh, well, maybe the problem
is your attitude.
356
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,301
You're not listening
to a word I say.
357
00:13:51,301 --> 00:13:54,201
Uh-huh. Uh, can you
hear this, Professor?
358
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,834
Or should I turn it up for you?
359
00:13:56,834 --> 00:14:00,468
It may not have been
a thumbs-up, kids.
360
00:14:00,468 --> 00:14:02,533
Oh, you think you're
not learning anything, huh?
361
00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:05,734
Okay.
362
00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:06,867
Pop quiz.
363
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:08,334
What... (grunts)
364
00:14:08,334 --> 00:14:10,767
When Robin's PMS-ing, what kind
of chocolate should you get her?
365
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,167
Trick question.
Get her butterscotch.
366
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,334
Correct! Why?
367
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:14,600
Butterscotch is
to Canadian women
368
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:15,800
what chocolate is
to American women.
369
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:16,800
Correct!
370
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,734
What is Robin's dream job?
371
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:19,867
To become the most successful
372
00:14:19,867 --> 00:14:21,201
female TV journalist of all time.
373
00:14:21,201 --> 00:14:23,867
Correct! And if she achieves
that, will she truly be happy?
374
00:14:23,867 --> 00:14:26,800
No! Robin's deep-seated need
for attention can traced back
375
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,234
to her father's
emotional distance,
376
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,101
and no amount of success
will ever make up
377
00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:31,800
for what she truly needs,
which is six simple words
378
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,267
from her Dad: "Robin,
I'm proud of you, eh?"
379
00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:36,101
Yes!
380
00:14:36,101 --> 00:14:38,468
(both panting)
381
00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:40,600
But I guess you're right.
382
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,301
You haven't learned anything.
383
00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:46,067
Sorry to have wasted your time.
384
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:51,401
"Oh, Captain! My Captain!"
385
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,934
How good was
Dead Poet's Society?
386
00:14:58,934 --> 00:15:01,533
I know, right?
The end? Tears.
387
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,767
Okay, can I just say that
my deepest need in life
388
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:09,500
not to have my father to
say, "I am proud of you, eh?"
389
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,734
(sobbing):
I'm not crying.
390
00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:11,967
Oh, sweetie.
391
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:14,067
Can I get you
some butterscotch?
392
00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:15,567
Oh, stop it.
393
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:16,934
(sighs)
394
00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:20,967
Wait a second.
395
00:15:20,967 --> 00:15:23,567
It says here that the class
meets at 6:15 on Tuesday.
396
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:26,334
So?
That's right now.
397
00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:30,401
Now, as you can see,
well over 50% of the blankets
398
00:15:30,401 --> 00:15:32,434
have been dragged
onto her side.
399
00:15:32,434 --> 00:15:33,600
Make no mistake.
400
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:39,101
Robin Scherbatsky
is a classic, textbook...
401
00:15:39,101 --> 00:15:42,234
cover hog.
402
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:43,633
Any questions?
403
00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:44,667
Yeah, I have one.
404
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:45,934
Yes, Robin?
405
00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:48,167
(both gasp)
406
00:15:54,468 --> 00:15:55,900
Flared nostril ridges.
407
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,967
Wide, unblinking eyes.
408
00:15:57,967 --> 00:16:00,800
Uh-oh.
I got this.
409
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,934
So, emperor penguins--
crazy, huh?
410
00:16:06,301 --> 00:16:08,101
What the hell
do you two think you're doing?
411
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:12,533
Marshall, did you sells out?
412
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:15,201
I said good-bye to
a very dear friend today.
413
00:16:15,201 --> 00:16:17,134
Dude, it's a barrel!
414
00:16:17,134 --> 00:16:19,134
Aw!
You're giving Mabel away?
415
00:16:19,134 --> 00:16:21,067
I have so many questions.
416
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,267
Why would you do this?
417
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:23,867
What were you thinking?
418
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:25,700
Who the hell is that guy?
419
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,067
Oh, that's Shin-Ya.
420
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,533
He's sort of been
auditing the class.
421
00:16:29,533 --> 00:16:30,867
"Auditing"?
422
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:33,401
Well, tried to explain
to him it wasn't a real class,
423
00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:35,034
but I don't think he speaks
much English.
424
00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:38,067
On the bright side, he came in
handy standing in for you
425
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:39,800
during
the role-playing exercises.
426
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,800
Wait.
You did role-playing exercises
427
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,234
where I was played by Shin-Ya?
428
00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:48,834
(speaking Chinese)
429
00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:50,834
You know,
I can't believe you, Ted.
430
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:53,267
You actually think you're
some kind of an expert on me?
431
00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:55,533
Hey! He is an expert.
He's a great teacher!
432
00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:56,633
(sneezing):
Kiss ass.
433
00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:57,567
You know, half the stuff
434
00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,600
in this notebook
is patently wrong.
435
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,301
Uh, really?
Name one wrong thing.
436
00:17:01,301 --> 00:17:04,468
"Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising
Erogenous Zones"?
437
00:17:04,468 --> 00:17:06,800
Let me clear something up
for you, Ted.
438
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,167
Does lefty like that?
439
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:14,500
Oh. Yeah...
440
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,633
Oh, uh, no.
441
00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:18,934
Um, the right one's
ticklish, I guess.
442
00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:23,001
But the left one, yeah,
I'm glad you're back there.
443
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:28,401
Because that is just some
sweet, sweet lovin'.
444
00:17:28,401 --> 00:17:29,900
Noted.
445
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,201
That was a lie?
446
00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:33,468
We had just started dating.
I was being nice.
447
00:17:33,468 --> 00:17:35,500
(laughing)
And you.
448
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:36,767
You know,
449
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:38,334
I got it into my head
this week
450
00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,633
that you were
cheating on me.
451
00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:41,633
I even broke open your briefcase
to look for evidence.
452
00:17:41,633 --> 00:17:44,967
That is a huge violation
of my privacy!
453
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,301
Go on.
454
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,134
You know, in a way,
I was right.
455
00:17:51,134 --> 00:17:52,468
You cheated.
456
00:17:52,468 --> 00:17:54,368
You can't get some crib
sheet on dating me.
457
00:17:54,368 --> 00:17:56,401
That's not how it works.
If we didn't figure out
458
00:17:56,401 --> 00:17:59,567
how to be with each other
in a real, honest way,
459
00:17:59,567 --> 00:18:02,167
I don't see the point
of even trying.
460
00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:04,434
(stammers)
(sig)
461
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,867
(speaking Chinese)
462
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,301
What do you want?
463
00:18:18,301 --> 00:18:19,667
Look.
464
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,734
All that stuff I told Barney...
465
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,201
It was personal
between you and me.
466
00:18:24,201 --> 00:18:25,934
I'm really sorry.
467
00:18:25,934 --> 00:18:29,368
I guess I'm impressed
by how much you remembered.
468
00:18:29,368 --> 00:18:32,067
It's funny.
469
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:35,633
When you date someone, it's like
you're taking one long course
470
00:18:35,633 --> 00:18:38,134
in who that person is and
then, when you break up,
471
00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:40,767
all that stuff
becomes useless.
472
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:43,334
It's the emotional equivalent
of an English degree.
473
00:18:44,234 --> 00:18:45,834
I guess I just liked the idea
474
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,334
of putting all my Robin
Scherbatsky knowledge
475
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,500
to good use, you know?
476
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:53,401
Well, since you know me
pretty well...
477
00:18:53,401 --> 00:18:56,267
am I fooling myself
with this whole Barney thing?
478
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:57,867
I don't know.
479
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:00,500
I will say this, though.
480
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,134
I've seen Barney work
Very hard to get women.
481
00:19:03,134 --> 00:19:07,034
I've seen him work very
hard to get rid of women.
482
00:19:07,034 --> 00:19:10,167
I've never seen him work
this hard to keep one around.
483
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:13,867
I was going to
give him an A.
484
00:19:13,867 --> 00:19:16,967
Well, B+ -- Shin-Ya kind
of screwed up the curve.
485
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,633
Hey.
486
00:19:21,633 --> 00:19:23,034
Before you say anything,
487
00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:25,533
I am done with this
stupid Robin 101, okay?
488
00:19:25,533 --> 00:19:28,533
Here, I'll get rid
of the notebook.
489
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:34,401
But there's...
490
00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:37,167
there's something that
I did want to say to you.
491
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:41,567
Robin, I have been
with a lot of women--
492
00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:45,234
blondes, brunettes, redheads;
493
00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:49,267
big boobs, small
boobs, medium boobs;
494
00:19:49,267 --> 00:19:53,134
some boobs that were big,
but kind of in a bad way.
495
00:19:53,134 --> 00:19:54,334
The point is--
496
00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:57,600
boobs that pointed
in opposite direc--
497
00:19:59,967 --> 00:20:02,900
...I'm really scared that
you're going to dump me
498
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:06,101
and that's why I did
this and I'm sorry.
499
00:20:11,401 --> 00:20:13,434
You're an idiot.
500
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,533
You know...
Hmm?
501
00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:23,667
That notebook, um, does contain
a lot of personal info,
502
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,368
and I think it has
my home address.
503
00:20:25,368 --> 00:20:28,434
Hmm. And your
work address.
504
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,401
Whoa.
505
00:20:31,401 --> 00:20:33,368
MARSHALL:
Hey, guys! If you don't want
506
00:20:33,368 --> 00:20:35,101
the barrel,
can you sit somewhere else?
507
00:20:35,102 --> 00:20:36,102
You're scaring away potential takers.
508
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,567
Designed
by Chicago's Daniel Burnham
509
00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:45,501
in the beaux arts style,
510
00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:48,734
this architectural gem was
the first of its kind...
511
00:20:48,734 --> 00:20:50,467
Uh, Professor Mosby?
Yes, Susan?
512
00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:53,100
That's a woman drinking beer
on the toilet.
513
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:55,701
Right.
514
00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:57,534
That-That...
515
00:20:57,534 --> 00:20:59,501
was Daniel Burnham's wife.
516
00:20:59,501 --> 00:21:02,300
She was a troubled,
troubled woman.
517
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:03,434
We are moving on.
518
00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:07,901
Sync and correction by honeybunny
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