1 00:00:00,437 --> 00:00:04,141 It was the Fall of 2009 and I was a professor now. 2 00:00:04,095 --> 00:00:06,296 So I decided to change my look a little bit. 3 00:00:06,364 --> 00:00:08,398 And people were noticing. 4 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,650 Ah, tweed. 5 00:00:10,718 --> 00:00:12,202 Textile of the eunuch. 6 00:00:12,269 --> 00:00:13,520 You know, I've always 7 00:00:13,604 --> 00:00:15,955 Wondered why those tweed jackets have elbow patches. 8 00:00:15,990 --> 00:00:17,907 Because the people who wear them are constantly going, 9 00:00:17,908 --> 00:00:20,908 "Aw, geez, why can't I get laid?" 10 00:00:22,012 --> 00:00:22,979 You are wrong. Get laid? 11 00:00:23,030 --> 00:00:24,931 The ladies dig the professor look. 12 00:00:24,999 --> 00:00:26,499 You know, there is something to that. 13 00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:28,618 I remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher 14 00:00:28,669 --> 00:00:30,787 Was very sexy. 15 00:00:30,855 --> 00:00:32,822 I wonder if Harold's still in jail. 16 00:00:32,890 --> 00:00:34,541 What? 17 00:00:34,608 --> 00:00:37,210 Tax evasion. 18 00:00:37,294 --> 00:00:38,628 (quietly): Among other things. 19 00:00:38,696 --> 00:00:41,330 So guys, Marshall 20 00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:43,266 And I wanted to invite you to our place 21 00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:45,034 For a little couples' night. 22 00:00:45,102 --> 00:00:47,353 Uh, sure. Why not? 23 00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:50,023 For years, Marshall and Lily had been the only 24 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,559 Married couple in a group full of single people. 25 00:00:52,626 --> 00:00:53,726 It got lonely. 26 00:00:53,811 --> 00:00:54,978 (doorbell rings) so they were always 27 00:00:55,045 --> 00:00:56,396 Searching for another couple 28 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:57,513 To double-date. 29 00:00:57,565 --> 00:00:59,065 There was only one problem. 30 00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:01,351 Welcome. Gouda? 31 00:01:01,419 --> 00:01:03,520 They sucked at it. 32 00:01:03,587 --> 00:01:05,321 (laughing): This is great. 33 00:01:05,389 --> 00:01:07,440 We're having fun. You're having fun, right? 34 00:01:08,476 --> 00:01:10,009 So, should we just go ahead 35 00:01:10,044 --> 00:01:12,078 And lock the four of us in for new year's? 36 00:01:12,146 --> 00:01:14,597 Um, it's April. 37 00:01:14,665 --> 00:01:16,866 Right. Sorry. 38 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,084 We're getting ahead of ourselves. 39 00:01:18,169 --> 00:01:19,419 Let's talk Thanksgiving. 40 00:01:19,503 --> 00:01:22,589 Our parents really want to meet you! 41 00:01:26,644 --> 00:01:29,446 Well, we should probably be going. 42 00:01:29,513 --> 00:01:30,980 Wait. But, wait, if you leave now, 43 00:01:31,048 --> 00:01:32,682 Colonel mustard just gets away with it. 44 00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:34,884 It's getting pretty late. We're going to go. 45 00:01:34,935 --> 00:01:36,219 There's still pie. 46 00:01:38,939 --> 00:01:41,608 Tonight was fantastic. We should do it again. 47 00:01:41,675 --> 00:01:44,844 I'm sorry, Marshall, but Falguni and I 48 00:01:44,912 --> 00:01:46,613 Are just not that into you. 49 00:01:46,697 --> 00:01:49,048 And you. 50 00:01:49,116 --> 00:01:51,701 But just when Lily and Marshall were about to give up, 51 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:54,120 Two of their best friends in the world got together. 52 00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:56,289 And hope returned to their hearts. 53 00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:57,907 Wohoo! 54 00:01:57,958 --> 00:01:59,926 So when Lily said... 55 00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:02,462 Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place 56 00:02:02,546 --> 00:02:04,230 For a little couples' night. 57 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,616 Um, sure, why not? 58 00:02:06,684 --> 00:02:08,518 .Barney and Robin had no idea 59 00:02:08,619 --> 00:02:09,986 What they were about to walk into. 60 00:02:10,087 --> 00:02:11,387 Okay. Game time. 61 00:02:11,438 --> 00:02:13,223 Let's review the flow of the room. 62 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:15,642 Barney and Robin enter here. 63 00:02:15,726 --> 00:02:17,227 Stop here for margaritas. 64 00:02:17,294 --> 00:02:18,862 That's a great conversation starter. 65 00:02:18,929 --> 00:02:20,897 We can tell them about our trip to Cabo. 66 00:02:20,965 --> 00:02:22,899 Great, 'cause I got that story about Sammy Hagar 67 00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:24,901 Anthe Belgian waffle locked and loaded. 68 00:02:24,969 --> 00:02:27,720 Then we'll move on to the hot apps station. 69 00:02:27,788 --> 00:02:29,706 And, depending on how things are going, 70 00:02:29,773 --> 00:02:32,258 Some lively pre-dinner charades. 71 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:36,329 Right, but, uh, we'll play that one by... 72 00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:37,680 Sounds like? 73 00:02:37,748 --> 00:02:39,799 Okay, you can be Robin's partner. 74 00:02:39,884 --> 00:02:41,217 (doorbell rings) 75 00:02:41,252 --> 00:02:44,470 Oh... Baby, we can do this. 76 00:02:47,141 --> 00:02:49,142 Welcome. Gouda? 77 00:02:50,678 --> 00:02:52,762 Meanwhile, my half-baked theory 78 00:02:52,813 --> 00:02:54,147 That ladies dig the professor look 79 00:02:54,231 --> 00:02:55,782 Was actually proving to be true 80 00:02:55,849 --> 00:02:57,433 So is it hard to grade papers? 81 00:02:57,501 --> 00:02:59,068 No, you've just got to make it fun. 82 00:02:59,136 --> 00:03:01,988 For example, uh, every time I spot a grammatical error, 83 00:03:02,072 --> 00:03:03,439 I do a shot. 84 00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:04,991 I'm trashed right now, and I blame 85 00:03:05,075 --> 00:03:07,026 Our public school system. 86 00:03:07,111 --> 00:03:10,163 Sometimes things just seem to magically fall into place. 87 00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:12,782 So, you said you live right upstairs... 88 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:14,867 Whether it's in the dating world... 89 00:03:14,952 --> 00:03:16,536 Take care. Bye. (laughs) bye! 90 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:19,005 ...Or the double-dating world. 91 00:03:19,089 --> 00:03:20,290 Nailed it! 92 00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:21,658 Best night ever! 93 00:03:23,193 --> 00:03:25,661 Worst night ever. 94 00:03:25,713 --> 00:03:26,930 (imitates gunshot) 95 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:31,851 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 96 00:03:43,053 --> 00:03:45,354 Hey, how was the big couples' night with Marshall and Lily? 97 00:03:45,405 --> 00:03:47,507 Brutal. Really? How? 98 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:49,558 It was like we were on a date 99 00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:51,861 With a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call. 100 00:03:51,929 --> 00:03:53,529 And they were so nervous, 101 00:03:53,597 --> 00:03:55,748 That they weren't even making sense half of the time. 102 00:03:55,816 --> 00:03:57,116 Hey. Come on in. 103 00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:58,584 Would you like a margarita? 104 00:03:58,669 --> 00:04:01,237 In Cabo, I saw Sammy Hagar eating a Belgian waffle! Come on in. 105 00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:06,809 And they kept shoving platters of food in our faces. 106 00:04:06,877 --> 00:04:08,410 Let me guess: Did Marshall get, like, 107 00:04:08,462 --> 00:04:10,096 Super intense about the cheese? 108 00:04:10,164 --> 00:04:11,681 (gasps): Yeah, how'd you know? 109 00:04:11,748 --> 00:04:13,099 Poor Marshall. 110 00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:15,184 Lily's this gourmet cook, and all she lets Marshall 111 00:04:15,252 --> 00:04:18,070 Is pick out one sad block of cheese. 112 00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:20,039 That's prosciutto-wrapped melon. 113 00:04:20,107 --> 00:04:22,391 You guys are going to want to get in on this gouda. 114 00:04:22,459 --> 00:04:24,827 That's seared scallops with a mango chutney. 115 00:04:24,895 --> 00:04:26,662 Seriously, don't sleep on the gouda. 116 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:27,797 And that's 117 00:04:27,865 --> 00:04:29,982 Lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil. 118 00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:32,285 Ooh... Tick-tock goes the gouda clock. 119 00:04:33,737 --> 00:04:36,289 Um, we-we-we didn't realize there was gonna be dinner. 120 00:04:36,356 --> 00:04:38,674 We sucked down a couple tacos outside the subway. 121 00:04:38,742 --> 00:04:41,377 P.S., not sitting great. 122 00:04:42,796 --> 00:04:45,665 And if anything didn't go according to plan, 123 00:04:45,749 --> 00:04:47,099 They would freak out. 124 00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:49,685 What do you mean, the egg timer is broken? 125 00:04:49,753 --> 00:04:51,587 What are we going to use for charades, sweetie? 126 00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:52,922 I'm working on it, darling. 127 00:04:52,973 --> 00:04:54,390 Okay? Just stall them. 128 00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:57,176 Now, Robin... 129 00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:58,477 You work in television. 130 00:04:58,512 --> 00:05:01,180 We're experiencing some technical difficulties. 131 00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:02,265 (laughs): You get that? 132 00:05:02,332 --> 00:05:04,150 We're still laughing. 133 00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:07,370 Right? Laugh, Marshall. 134 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,138 (laughs) 135 00:05:09,172 --> 00:05:11,173 (Lily and Marshall continue laughing) 136 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:13,109 Come on, they just got excited. 137 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,294 They've been looking for couple best friends forever. 138 00:05:15,362 --> 00:05:17,313 Plus, I'm sure they weren't that bad. 139 00:05:18,432 --> 00:05:19,448 Show him. 140 00:05:19,516 --> 00:05:21,617 This is a web site 141 00:05:21,685 --> 00:05:24,270 Marshall already made about last night. 142 00:05:24,338 --> 00:05:28,341 It's called itwasthebestnightever.com. 143 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,160 (acoustic guitar strums) 144 00:05:31,194 --> 00:05:34,430 Marshall: * it was the best night ever * 145 00:05:34,497 --> 00:05:38,634 * laughter raining down like April showers * 146 00:05:39,970 --> 00:05:42,972 * oh, we talked for hours... * 147 00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:48,160 * best night ever * oh, that's not good. 148 00:05:48,228 --> 00:05:51,030 * then we played charades * 149 00:05:51,114 --> 00:05:54,533 * Lily made some creme brulee, lay-lay-lay-lay * 150 00:05:54,618 --> 00:05:57,903 * and now that we're best couple friends * 151 00:05:57,988 --> 00:06:00,456 * there's only one thing * 152 00:06:00,523 --> 00:06:04,877 * left to say... * 153 00:06:04,962 --> 00:06:07,213 * are you free? Are you free? Are you free? * 154 00:06:07,281 --> 00:06:10,333 * are you free? Are you free next Saturday? * 155 00:06:10,384 --> 00:06:12,535 That's the 17th. * are you free? * 156 00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:14,070 Friday or Sunday would also work. 157 00:06:14,137 --> 00:06:16,822 Or basically any other day. 158 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:19,875 Needless to say, we've both changed our e-mail addresses. 159 00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:21,377 I don't understand. 160 00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,212 If last night went so horribly, 161 00:06:23,246 --> 00:06:25,531 Why do Lily and Marshall think it was such a hit? 162 00:06:25,599 --> 00:06:27,500 I mean, we knew we were gonna have fun tonight, 163 00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,602 But we had no idea how much. 164 00:06:29,670 --> 00:06:30,786 Oh. Yeah, tough luck, 165 00:06:30,854 --> 00:06:32,438 Every Saturday night I've ever had, 166 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,757 'cause this one just blew you out of the water. 167 00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:36,959 Let's do it again, soon. Yeah, we'll call you. 168 00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:38,227 They're your friends! 169 00:06:38,245 --> 00:06:40,680 Why would you just blatantly lie to them like that? 170 00:06:40,747 --> 00:06:43,282 Well, that's what you say at the end of a crappy date. 171 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:45,534 Hey, Ted. Great time last night. 172 00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:48,070 Well, let's do it again, soon. I'll...uh, call you. 173 00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:51,824 (door closes) Right? 174 00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:53,643 Who was that? 175 00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:54,860 Oh, I don't want to brag, 176 00:06:54,928 --> 00:06:57,029 But it seems chicks are really digging 177 00:06:57,097 --> 00:06:58,297 The whole professor thing. 178 00:06:58,365 --> 00:06:59,382 Last night, 179 00:06:59,449 --> 00:07:00,800 She picked me up at the bar. 180 00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:03,469 And then... Well, she actually 181 00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:05,104 Wound up falling asleep on the couch. 182 00:07:05,188 --> 00:07:08,424 But, hey, that happens. 183 00:07:08,492 --> 00:07:09,959 Uh, no, it doesn't. 184 00:07:10,027 --> 00:07:11,243 Sure, it does. 185 00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:12,545 You know, she was, 186 00:07:12,612 --> 00:07:14,864 She was just exhausted from being turned on. 187 00:07:14,898 --> 00:07:16,065 But you heard her. 188 00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:18,984 She wants to do it again, soon. 189 00:07:19,069 --> 00:07:21,454 Ted, let me ask you a question. 190 00:07:21,538 --> 00:07:23,889 Where does this girl live, exactly? 191 00:07:23,957 --> 00:07:25,057 Westchester. Why? 192 00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:26,442 (laughs) 193 00:07:28,478 --> 00:07:29,912 You're the sexless innkeeper. 194 00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,747 Oh, my god! You're right! 195 00:07:31,815 --> 00:07:33,282 He's totally the sexless innkeeper! 196 00:07:33,316 --> 00:07:36,135 What the hell is "the sexless innkeeper"? 197 00:07:36,219 --> 00:07:39,472 Ted, many a man-- nay, many a soul-- 198 00:07:39,556 --> 00:07:41,924 Has their own tale of the sexless innkeeper. 199 00:07:41,975 --> 00:07:44,593 Why, I had run-in with one just last year. 200 00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:46,645 I even composed a poem about it. 201 00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,481 Would you care to hear it? Not really. 202 00:07:48,565 --> 00:07:50,316 T'was the night before new year's, 203 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,601 And the weather grew mean. 204 00:07:52,652 --> 00:07:54,370 It was 3:00 in the morning, 205 00:07:54,438 --> 00:07:56,989 And I was stranded in queens. 206 00:07:57,074 --> 00:07:59,658 The tavern grew empty, 207 00:07:59,743 --> 00:08:02,111 The gas lights grew dim. 208 00:08:02,162 --> 00:08:05,865 The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in... 209 00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:07,166 Wait. If this was last year, 210 00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,034 Why are you acting like it was Oliver Twist? 211 00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,487 Ted, it's a poem. 212 00:08:12,789 --> 00:08:14,423 Last call was approaching, 213 00:08:14,491 --> 00:08:16,492 And my fortunes looked bleak. 214 00:08:16,543 --> 00:08:18,827 Then I turned to my left 215 00:08:18,879 --> 00:08:21,180 And stifled a shriek. 216 00:08:21,264 --> 00:08:23,599 She had a peach fuzz beard 217 00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:26,385 And weighed 16 stone. 218 00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:28,437 She gobbled up hot wings 219 00:08:28,505 --> 00:08:30,990 And swallowed the bones. 220 00:08:31,057 --> 00:08:32,641 I muffled a scream 221 00:08:32,692 --> 00:08:34,843 And threw up in my mouth. 222 00:08:34,895 --> 00:08:37,446 I asked, "where do you live?" 223 00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:40,682 And she said, "one block south." 224 00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:43,536 I swallowed my pride 225 00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:46,455 And six shots of whiskey. 226 00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:50,176 And prayed to the gods 227 00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:53,078 That she wasn't too frisky. 228 00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:57,416 Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack. 229 00:08:57,417 --> 00:09:02,254 'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack. 230 00:09:02,339 --> 00:09:04,473 But when she returned, 231 00:09:04,541 --> 00:09:06,859 She found a sound sleeper. 232 00:09:06,927 --> 00:09:09,678 And thus she became 233 00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:12,898 The sexless innkeeper. 234 00:09:12,983 --> 00:09:14,266 And so are you 235 00:09:14,351 --> 00:09:15,835 Wait, you're saying that girl 236 00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:17,753 Just used me for a place to crash? 237 00:09:17,821 --> 00:09:20,322 Ted, you mentioned that you live right upstairs. 238 00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:23,192 She saw the tweed jacket which basically says 239 00:09:23,243 --> 00:09:27,112 You're not interested in, nor probably even capable of, having sex. 240 00:09:27,197 --> 00:09:29,882 And she thought, "hey, free lodging." 241 00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:31,450 No way. 242 00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:33,385 I'm not the sexless innkeeper. 243 00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:35,454 Ted, that girl had no intention 244 00:09:35,539 --> 00:09:37,089 Of ever hooking up with you. 245 00:09:37,174 --> 00:09:39,074 Which is funny, because usually 246 00:09:39,142 --> 00:09:42,261 It's the innkeeper who offers turndown service. Oh! 247 00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:43,579 (laughing) 248 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,632 Hey, guys. Good news. 249 00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,551 First of all, you can ignore all the e-mails 250 00:09:48,602 --> 00:09:49,802 And texts we've sent you. 251 00:09:49,886 --> 00:09:51,787 We have. Go on. 252 00:09:51,855 --> 00:09:53,222 Because we went ahead and booked 253 00:09:53,273 --> 00:09:55,741 That couples' weekend for all of us in Vermont! 254 00:09:55,809 --> 00:09:57,593 Wait, you guys were serious about that? 255 00:09:57,694 --> 00:09:59,261 Oh, we never joke about b&b's, 256 00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:00,946 Especially at the height of syrup season. 257 00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:02,064 Check it out. 258 00:10:02,132 --> 00:10:04,033 Saturday we've got apple-picking, 259 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,586 Antiquing, then a hated hay ride. 260 00:10:07,654 --> 00:10:10,906 And then on Sunday, we're up at 6:00 a.m. for the fall foliage hike. 261 00:10:10,974 --> 00:10:13,742 Now, you better pack your long johns, 'cause it is cold up there. 262 00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:18,464 Look! I'm sorry that we have been dodging your calls, 263 00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:20,049 But we respect you guys too much 264 00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:21,950 As friends to give you some song and dance. 265 00:10:22,002 --> 00:10:23,152 You deserve the truth. 266 00:10:24,287 --> 00:10:27,590 (sighs) 267 00:10:27,641 --> 00:10:31,627 The US Navy has found intelligent alien life 268 00:10:31,678 --> 00:10:33,195 At the bottom of the ocean. 269 00:10:33,263 --> 00:10:36,315 For reasons I can't explain, Robin and I 270 00:10:36,399 --> 00:10:38,767 Have been tapped to lead the expedition. 271 00:10:38,835 --> 00:10:40,119 Wow, Barney. 272 00:10:40,186 --> 00:10:42,738 That kind of sounds like the stuff you say to girls 273 00:10:42,805 --> 00:10:45,274 When you're too much of a coward to dump them. Yeah. 274 00:10:45,342 --> 00:10:47,526 You know, that's exactly what it sounds like. 275 00:10:47,611 --> 00:10:49,962 But if that's true, that's awesome. 276 00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:52,281 What's going on? 277 00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:55,834 Look, all the couple-y stuff, it's just not us. 278 00:10:55,919 --> 00:10:58,320 Barney and I are barely equipped to date each other, 279 00:10:58,371 --> 00:10:59,538 Let alone you guys. 280 00:10:59,539 --> 00:11:03,142 Plus, the alien thing. 281 00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:04,993 Come on, Marshall. Let's go. 282 00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:06,962 No...Lily... You know what? 283 00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:11,600 I hope those underwater aliens are cold-blooded. 284 00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:14,770 'cause then you guys will get along just fine. 285 00:11:20,143 --> 00:11:22,061 I think they bought it. 286 00:11:23,713 --> 00:11:25,981 I can't believe they broke up with us. 287 00:11:26,032 --> 00:11:28,784 We're so lovable. 288 00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:31,287 No, we're not. We're ugly and gross. 289 00:11:31,321 --> 00:11:33,739 I thought we did everything right. 290 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,040 I know! 291 00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:36,742 I know. We had the gouda. 292 00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,077 We had my waffle story. 293 00:11:38,161 --> 00:11:40,379 I even sent them a awesome photo montage. 294 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,749 Nothing. 295 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:46,001 Oh, dear god. 296 00:11:46,069 --> 00:11:48,721 Marshall, we've been over and over this. 297 00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:51,373 You have to stop sending those to people. 298 00:11:51,441 --> 00:11:52,858 It was true. 299 00:11:52,926 --> 00:11:55,227 Marshall had become addicted to creating songs 300 00:11:55,295 --> 00:11:58,664 And photo montages documenting various mundane events. 301 00:11:58,732 --> 00:12:00,316 So for months, all of Marshall's 302 00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:01,767 friends and professional colleagues 303 00:12:01,835 --> 00:12:03,335 Were getting e-mails like this... 304 00:12:03,403 --> 00:12:06,722 Marshall: * ordered Chinese food today * 305 00:12:06,773 --> 00:12:10,676 * some moo shu pork sauce got away * 306 00:12:10,744 --> 00:12:12,277 * flipped the cushion * 307 00:12:12,345 --> 00:12:16,081 * now everything's okay. * 308 00:12:18,601 --> 00:12:21,920 * cat-sitting for Lily's mom * 309 00:12:22,005 --> 00:12:25,407 * cat-sitting for Lily's mom * 310 00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:26,908 * it's gonna be fun * 311 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:31,080 * it's gonna bring us all closer together. * 312 00:12:33,299 --> 00:12:36,435 * cat funeral * 313 00:12:36,469 --> 00:12:39,605 * cat funeral * 314 00:12:39,689 --> 00:12:43,075 * it was an accident * 315 00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:46,895 * and not entirely my fault * 316 00:12:46,946 --> 00:12:50,366 * cat funeral * * meow, meow, meow, meow * 317 00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:54,620 * meow, meow, meow, meow * * cat funeral * 318 00:12:54,738 --> 00:12:56,722 Marshall: We'll miss you, whiskers. 319 00:12:56,790 --> 00:13:00,426 * meow, meow, meow, meow, meow... * 320 00:13:02,128 --> 00:13:04,997 I can't believe you sent them one of those. 321 00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:07,082 They think we're insane now. 322 00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:09,001 If I recall, they didn't dump us 323 00:13:09,085 --> 00:13:10,836 Until you brought up that Vermont trip. 324 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,237 It was way too early. 325 00:13:12,305 --> 00:13:13,722 First, a boat ride around the city, 326 00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:15,190 Then a trip to Vermont. 327 00:13:15,258 --> 00:13:17,493 It's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that. 328 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:18,861 Oh, what about you forgetting 329 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:21,230 To check the egg timer for charades? 330 00:13:21,264 --> 00:13:24,600 I gave you one thing to do, Marshall. One thing. 331 00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:25,851 One thing? 332 00:13:26,536 --> 00:13:27,519 One thing? 333 00:13:28,838 --> 00:13:30,806 Wow. Really? 334 00:13:31,658 --> 00:13:34,142 So, I guess that gouda 335 00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:36,695 Just walked itself right through the door... 336 00:13:37,614 --> 00:13:39,615 ...Sliced itself up, 337 00:13:39,666 --> 00:13:43,368 And arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle 338 00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:48,290 Around not three, not four... 339 00:13:48,358 --> 00:13:50,325 But five different kinds 340 00:13:50,376 --> 00:13:53,429 Of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers? 341 00:13:54,848 --> 00:13:57,316 You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker! 342 00:13:58,952 --> 00:14:01,937 Guys, Lily and Marshall haven't been to the bar all week. 343 00:14:02,004 --> 00:14:03,172 They're taking this really hard. 344 00:14:03,239 --> 00:14:05,307 Ted, I could listen to this guilt trip all day, 345 00:14:05,358 --> 00:14:07,726 But don't you have to get back up to the inn? 346 00:14:07,811 --> 00:14:09,678 I mean, who's working the front desk? 347 00:14:09,712 --> 00:14:12,030 Seriously, they're your friends. 348 00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:13,315 You got to go apologize. 349 00:14:13,383 --> 00:14:16,735 To your point, Ted, as an innkeeper, 350 00:14:16,803 --> 00:14:18,403 Do you do that cheapy thing 351 00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:20,873 Where you only change the linens upon request? 352 00:14:20,957 --> 00:14:24,993 I mean, I mean, I mean, how much water is that actually saving? 353 00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:26,361 Robin, you know I'm right. 354 00:14:26,412 --> 00:14:27,996 Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. 355 00:14:28,047 --> 00:14:29,264 Usually, it just makes it bigger. 356 00:14:29,332 --> 00:14:30,699 You're right. 357 00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:31,917 Thank you. 358 00:14:31,985 --> 00:14:34,002 All that sexlessness has made you wise. 359 00:14:34,053 --> 00:14:35,754 For god's sake! 360 00:14:35,755 --> 00:14:37,172 Mint on the pillow, Ted! 361 00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:39,391 And don't charge for wi-fi. It seems greedy! It does. 362 00:14:41,244 --> 00:14:42,161 (laughing) 363 00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:43,479 Narrator: But eventually, 364 00:14:43,546 --> 00:14:45,514 Even Barney and Robin had to admit 365 00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:47,766 They owed Lily and Marshall an apology. 366 00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,351 Hey. 367 00:14:49,402 --> 00:14:51,170 We wanted to say we're sorry. 368 00:14:51,237 --> 00:14:53,505 Oh. I wish you had called. 369 00:14:53,573 --> 00:14:55,524 Marshall: I swear, he was right there 370 00:14:55,592 --> 00:14:57,359 Just eating a Belgian waffle! 371 00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:58,894 (laughter) 372 00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:00,112 Well, he can't have enjoyed it 373 00:15:00,196 --> 00:15:01,580 As much as I'm enjoying this gouda! 374 00:15:01,664 --> 00:15:02,714 Oh! 375 00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:04,616 Um, listen, 376 00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:06,752 Now's not a good time. 377 00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:08,253 We'll call you. 378 00:15:08,338 --> 00:15:10,071 Wai.t We just want... 379 00:15:16,884 --> 00:15:19,551 Hey! Hey, guys. Hey. Long time no see. 380 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:20,569 Have a seat. Sit. 381 00:15:20,637 --> 00:15:23,521 Oh, we can't. We're here with Py and Shea. 382 00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:24,873 Yeah, sorry. 383 00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:26,725 Oh, it's just... We haven't seen you guys all week. 384 00:15:27,162 --> 00:15:29,350 Hey, maybe all six of us could hang out. Yeah. 385 00:15:29,364 --> 00:15:32,898 Oh, it might be weird. We're kind of on a double date. 386 00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:35,968 Wouldn't want you to feel like a fifth and sixth wheel. 387 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,204 Who the hell are these people? 388 00:15:38,255 --> 00:15:40,422 They just moved here from Hawaii. 389 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,908 Py is a total foodie and Shea, well... Mmm! 390 00:15:43,959 --> 00:15:45,477 She's... 391 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,596 Shea...Shea is just... 392 00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:49,348 (both laughing) 393 00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:50,966 (sighing contentedly) 394 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:53,751 Anyhoo, we can't stay long. 395 00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:56,188 We're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks 396 00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:57,806 For a boat ride around the city. 397 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:00,726 Wow, it sounds like this is getting pretty serious. 398 00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:02,695 Well, we don't want to jinx it, but, uh... 399 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,281 We kind of think they might be the two. 400 00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,651 Ooh. 401 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,404 Pfft, who needs 'em? 402 00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:15,241 Pfft. Not us. 403 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,209 (laughing) 404 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,918 * livin' alone * 405 00:16:25,969 --> 00:16:30,122 * we think of all the friends we've known * 406 00:16:32,309 --> 00:16:37,680 * but when we dial the telephone * 407 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,765 * nobody's home * 408 00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:44,019 Hi. Two for dinner. 409 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,121 Just the two of you? 410 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:53,412 * all by ourselves * 411 00:16:54,464 --> 00:16:56,498 * don't want to be * 412 00:16:56,583 --> 00:17:03,372 * all by ourselves anymore * 413 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,492 * all by ourselves... * 414 00:17:07,544 --> 00:17:09,812 Hey, why don't we call 415 00:17:09,879 --> 00:17:11,680 That weird couple down the hall from you? 416 00:17:11,748 --> 00:17:13,182 You know, with the ferrets? 417 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,467 Maybe they want to come over and play taboo. 418 00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:17,019 After midnight? No way. 419 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,638 We can't tabooty-call them, it's pathetic. 420 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,740 Hey, guys. 421 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,392 (groaning) 422 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,744 Barney, are you wearing sweat pants? 423 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:29,999 Maybe. But they're Armani. 424 00:17:30,066 --> 00:17:32,401 Okay, guys, I've got some bad news for you. 425 00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:34,486 So I'm just going to come out and say it. 426 00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:36,238 You're a couple. 427 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:37,890 And no matter how hard you try to fight it, 428 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,025 Couples need other couples. 429 00:17:40,076 --> 00:17:42,294 That's why you miss Marshall and Lily. 430 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,879 And can't you just admit that? 431 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,051 (laughing) Oh, yeah! 432 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:50,619 That was amazing, Lily! 433 00:17:50,687 --> 00:17:52,004 I know! 434 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:55,240 When I got that left-hand- yellow, I was like, "what?!" 435 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,026 You guys are the best. 436 00:17:57,093 --> 00:17:57,993 Oh, right back at you! 437 00:17:58,061 --> 00:18:00,062 (knocking at door) 438 00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,150 (ticking) 439 00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,572 (bell dings) 440 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,046 (ticking continues) 441 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,387 (bell dings) 442 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,441 (ticking continues) 443 00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,080 Ding. 444 00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:47,960 For charades. 445 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,615 How do we know you two won't hurt us again? 446 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,401 You don't. 447 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,069 You know what? 448 00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:01,323 We have two very nice people up in that apartment 449 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,942 Who are perfect for us. 450 00:19:03,993 --> 00:19:05,327 Then what are you doing, 451 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:08,564 Standing out in the rain with us? 452 00:19:08,631 --> 00:19:09,998 Damn it. 453 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:13,836 Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... 454 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,220 And girl? 455 00:19:16,506 --> 00:19:18,507 I think we can change them. 456 00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:21,293 Come here, you two. 457 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,581 (sobbing) 458 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:28,484 We'll never sleep on the gouda again. 459 00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:34,239 * all by ourselves... * 460 00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:37,857 Hey, Barney. I got a little poem for you. 461 00:19:37,924 --> 00:19:39,525 You want to hear it? No, not really. 462 00:19:39,662 --> 00:19:43,613 'twas the night before, I had hours to kill. 463 00:19:43,697 --> 00:19:47,617 I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill. 464 00:19:47,701 --> 00:19:48,634 With quill? 465 00:19:48,702 --> 00:19:50,820 Barney. It's a poem. 466 00:19:52,373 --> 00:19:54,824 A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin. 467 00:19:54,908 --> 00:19:58,945 Her garb said "classy," but her eyes whispered "sin." 468 00:19:59,013 --> 00:20:01,914 She said, "you're a teacher?" 469 00:20:01,965 --> 00:20:03,599 I said, "yes, indeed." 470 00:20:03,634 --> 00:20:05,251 "I must have you," she moaned. 471 00:20:05,302 --> 00:20:07,670 "I'm turned on by tweed." 472 00:20:08,806 --> 00:20:10,423 With haste we did scamper 473 00:20:10,474 --> 00:20:12,058 To my chamber anon. 474 00:20:12,125 --> 00:20:17,230 We fell to the couch, and, bro, it was on. 475 00:20:17,297 --> 00:20:18,815 I unlaced her bodice. 476 00:20:18,899 --> 00:20:20,650 Our passions grew deeper. 477 00:20:20,734 --> 00:20:25,988 And thus ends the tale of the sexless innkeeper. 478 00:20:27,408 --> 00:20:29,108 No way. 479 00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:30,910 You made that up. 480 00:20:31,995 --> 00:20:34,797 Are you coming back bed, professor? 481 00:20:37,534 --> 00:20:39,118 Whew! 482 00:20:39,186 --> 00:20:40,653 God, I love being single. 483 00:20:42,623 --> 00:20:46,709 Barney, you ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall? 484 00:20:46,827 --> 00:20:48,044 What have I done? 485 00:20:48,045 --> 00:20:49,045 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00