1
00:00:00,267 --> 00:00:02,667
Kids, as long as I'd known
your Uncle Barney,
2
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,468
he'd always had some
pretty strong opinions
3
00:00:04,468 --> 00:00:05,767
on relationships
4
00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:07,034
Your girlfriend?
5
00:00:07,034 --> 00:00:08,167
She's your girl friend?!
6
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:11,567
She's a girl
and a friend?
7
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:15,201
Don?t humanize
the enemy, Ted.
8
00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:16,633
But nice to meet you.
9
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:17,800
Barney Stinson.
10
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,734
And yet,
in the fall of 2009,
11
00:00:19,734 --> 00:00:21,667
he was the one
with the girlfriend.
12
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,101
Go ahead.
Open it.
13
00:00:23,101 --> 00:00:25,067
Open it! Open it!
Open it! Open it!
14
00:00:26,301 --> 00:00:27,967
It's my porn collection!
15
00:00:27,967 --> 00:00:29,368
Just kidding.
That would be weird.
16
00:00:29,368 --> 00:00:31,234
It's your porn collection.
17
00:00:31,234 --> 00:00:33,701
It's my porn collection!
I'm giving you my porn.
18
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,968
Now that things are
so great with Robin,
19
00:00:35,968 --> 00:00:37,400
I don't need it anymore.
20
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,334
Wow, you are voluntarily...
21
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,367
giving up your porn?
22
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:43,834
You really are serious.
23
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:46,133
Yeah, well, that's obvious.
What does that mean?
24
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,501
Oh, nothing,
it's just, you know,
25
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:48,701
you got relationship gut.
26
00:00:48,701 --> 00:00:52,868
What?! No, I do not
"got relationship gut."
27
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:54,234
That is ridiculous.
28
00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:56,767
It's no big deal. I mean, once you're
dating someone,
29
00:00:56,767 --> 00:00:58,734
it's natal to let
things go a little bit.
30
00:00:58,734 --> 00:01:00,534
Trust me,
we've been there.
31
00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:03,934
Yeah. Boy, did i
pudge you out for a while.
32
00:01:05,501 --> 00:01:07,167
Well, we should get going.
33
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,267
Good-bye, my sweet,
beloved friends.
34
00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:11,301
You have always
been there for me.
35
00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:13,334
You'll be missed.
36
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:14,734
He's talking to the porn.
37
00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:15,900
Oh.
38
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:17,301
Bye, Robin. See you, Robs.
Bye, guys.
39
00:01:17,301 --> 00:01:20,067
God, look at these videos.
40
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,267
Space Orgy?
41
00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:23,900
Horny Co-Ed Surprise Party 23?
42
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,600
You'd think after
the first 22 parties,
43
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,934
the co-eds wouldn't be
surprised anymore.
44
00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:29,034
So, uh...
45
00:01:29,034 --> 00:01:31,667
we can get rid
of these for you.
46
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,634
Yeah.
No. No-no-no-no-no-no.
47
00:01:33,634 --> 00:01:36,100
It's not a problem.
I'll-I'll take care of them.
48
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,367
Are you sure?
Mm-hmm.
49
00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:39,501
I mean, no biggie. We can just
swing by the back alley
50
00:01:39,501 --> 00:01:40,868
and drop the box
in the Dumpster.
51
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,667
I see six of the words you just
id on this video label.
52
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:46,067
Seriously, it's not a big deal.
I will take care of it.
53
00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:47,234
No, 'cause I, I mean...
Leave them!
54
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,434
Okay.
55
00:01:50,534 --> 00:01:52,334
You know, in a way
it sad, right?
56
00:01:52,334 --> 00:01:54,100
I mean, Barney's
giving up his porn.
57
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,367
He's got relationship gut.
58
00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:57,601
They eat at the same
diner every night.
59
00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,734
It-it's, like, the end of Barney Stinson
as we know him.
60
00:01:59,734 --> 00:02:01,834
Yeah, well, so what? They're happy.
Yeah, well, we gotta go.
61
00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:03,534
Later. Bye.
Bye-bye.
62
00:02:05,801 --> 00:02:07,901
So what'd you get?
I got Squat.
63
00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:10,133
What are you...?
I thought I saw you take one.
64
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,133
Yeah, I did.
It's called Squat.
65
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,968
Hmm...
66
00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:20,567
ArchiSexTure.
67
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:24,634
That is not how you spell
"Buckminster Fuller."
68
00:02:24,634 --> 00:02:26,234
Kids, pornography is bad,
69
00:02:26,234 --> 00:02:28,300
and so I was
getting rid of that
70
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,300
vile pornography right away...
71
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,400
I am getting rid of this vile
pornography right away.
72
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,200
...when something terrible
happened.
73
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:40,267
Oh, no.
74
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:44,934
Oh, no.
75
00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:51,567
Oh, no.
76
00:02:53,501 --> 00:02:55,968
Oh, no.
77
00:02:58,001 --> 00:03:00,301
ArchiSexTure...
78
00:03:00,301 --> 00:03:02,334
Hello, Ted.
79
00:03:02,334 --> 00:03:04,934
If you are watching this tape--
and I knew you'd pick this one--
80
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:07,334
then you are now
in possession of my porn.
81
00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,167
This can only mean
one of two things:
82
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:12,134
either I'm dead, or m
in a committed relationship.
83
00:03:12,134 --> 00:03:16,201
If I'm dead,
I want you to honor my memory
84
00:03:16,201 --> 00:03:18,934
by taking my body
to the Hamptons
85
00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:21,434
and recreating
Weekend at Bernie's.
86
00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,533
I want to dance.
87
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,767
I want to have sex with a girl.
88
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:28,001
And I want to go fishing.
89
00:03:28,001 --> 00:03:31,500
If, on the other hand, I'm
in a committed relationship,
90
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:36,134
then as your best friend,
I have only one request:
91
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:38,334
please, for the love of God,
92
00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:40,468
get out of it!
93
00:03:40,468 --> 00:03:47,834
Sync by honeybunny. Corrected by Alex28
www.addic7ed.com
94
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,367
I might look happy,
but don't believe it.
95
00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:59,233
Barney Stinson
is meant to be single.
96
00:03:59,233 --> 00:04:00,634
So please, if you value
97
00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:02,867
my best-friendship--
that's right, Marshall,
98
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,500
I'm his best friend,
how does that feel?--
99
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:07,267
then get me out of this.
100
00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:10,801
And finally, since you were
expecting some porn...
101
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,434
No, no, no baby,
don't worry.
102
00:04:17,434 --> 00:04:20,001
The flashing green
light means it's off.
103
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:24,300
Are we sure he was
finished talking?
104
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,434
Look, there's
reason we should
105
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,000
take this seriously, right?
Of course not.
106
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,367
This is an old tape.
107
00:04:30,367 --> 00:04:32,234
Barney is happy with Robin.
108
00:04:32,234 --> 00:04:35,234
But over the next couple weeks,
I started to notice things.
109
00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:37,867
Barney and Robin stopped having
crazy adventures.
110
00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:39,501
So what'd you guys
do last night?
111
00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:41,067
I wanted to go
to a concert.
112
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:42,468
He wanted to go
to a party.
113
00:04:42,468 --> 00:04:44,633
Obviously, we couldn't
do what just one of us wanted,
114
00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:47,767
so we just stayed in,
watched a movie on
115
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:50,700
It was Legen--
wait for it--
116
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,267
ds of the Fall.
117
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,600
Legends of the Fall!
118
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,900
It was okay.
119
00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,501
Barney stopped being himself.
120
00:04:59,501 --> 00:05:01,468
Hey, Barney, I'm, uh, I'm
chatting up this girl
121
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,000
over there, and I could use a
little help landing the plane.
122
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,000
Sorry, Ted, I'm my own
wingman tonight.
123
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:14,134
And Robin got annoyed
at everything he said.
124
00:05:14,134 --> 00:05:15,667
So, how are u two?
125
00:05:15,667 --> 00:05:17,334
So great.
Oh... shut up.
126
00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:19,067
Relationships are the best.
Shut up.
127
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:24,601
Shut up, shut up, shut up...
The sharing, the compromise,
128
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:27,534
The monogamy, can't beat it.
Catchphrase! Yes!
129
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,667
But the worse they got...
130
00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:33,034
I'm full... sweetie.
131
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:35,367
...the more they kept saying
things were great.
132
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,733
Now, the truth is,
Barney and Robin
133
00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:39,334
only kind of let themselves go
a little bit.
134
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,200
But I swear, after a few more weeks,
135
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,600
to us, they seemed like this.
136
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,701
I'll be there...
137
00:05:47,701 --> 00:05:50,634
in a minute.
138
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,200
Hey.
139
00:05:56,267 --> 00:05:58,400
They're killing each other.
They love each other.
140
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,901
Barney and Robin
love each other,
141
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,567
but they're not Barney
and Robin anymore.
142
00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:03,101
They're the fat guy
and the old lady.
143
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,567
My favorite '70s detective show.
144
00:06:04,567 --> 00:06:06,967
Look, it's so ear.
145
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,333
Barney's been overeating
146
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:10,333
because he hates being
tied down like this.
147
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:12,200
And Robin's stressing out
because she hates
148
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,300
what Barney's turned into.
149
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,300
No, they're a perfect match.
150
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:16,434
Well, maybe that's the problem.
151
00:06:16,434 --> 00:06:17,801
Maybe they're too similar.
152
00:06:17,801 --> 00:06:18,834
It must be tough having
153
00:06:18,834 --> 00:06:20,867
two alpha dogs
in one relationship.
154
00:06:20,868 --> 00:06:21,967
We have two alpha dogs in our relationship.
155
00:06:21,967 --> 00:06:23,567
Sure we do, sweetie.
156
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:25,734
If they're not happy,
157
00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:27,200
why don't they just break up?
158
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,333
Because they're too stubborn.
159
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:30,233
Neither one of them
wants to be the first
160
00:06:30,233 --> 00:06:31,467
to admit that they want out.
161
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,934
They're playing
Relationship Chicken.
162
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,934
I think Barney ate
the relationship chicken.
163
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:37,634
Ted, it's just a rough patch.
164
00:06:37,634 --> 00:06:40,200
It takes time getting used
to being with someone else.
165
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,434
And they're both...
166
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,600
What the nice word for selfish?
Independent.
167
00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:44,600
Independent.
168
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,267
Every relationship
goes through this.
169
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:49,400
It's true, um,
I have this astronaut friend--
170
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,134
totally loved his fiancée.
171
00:06:51,134 --> 00:06:53,534
And then, the day before his
mission she caught him
172
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:56,967
with, like, four other chicks,
a couple of dudes.
173
00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:58,534
Things got really tense.
174
00:06:58,534 --> 00:06:59,801
Um, finally, she ended up
175
00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:01,034
sneaking onto the space
shuttle...
176
00:07:01,034 --> 00:07:03,367
Are you talking about Space Orgy?
Yes, I am.
177
00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:05,600
Ted, it's just a rough patch.
178
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:06,934
Just let things
run their course.
179
00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:08,500
She's right.
But...
180
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:10,168
Two-to-one, Ted.
Leave them alone
181
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:13,467
So I did leave them alone.
But that weekend...
182
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,867
Have you noticed how beef ribs
used to always be disgusting,
183
00:07:17,867 --> 00:07:19,500
and then recently,
they found a way
184
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,267
to make them really
delicious instead?
185
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:25,634
Okay, Barney, I'm going to go
ahead and ask you this head-on
186
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,301
Are you happy with Robin?
187
00:07:27,301 --> 00:07:28,534
Are you kidding?!
188
00:07:28,534 --> 00:07:30,301
How could I not be happy
with Robin?
189
00:07:30,301 --> 00:07:32,833
It's Robin!
So are you happy?
190
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,800
I can't believe you would even
ask me that.
191
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,767
I mean, yes,
we fight all the time,
192
00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:40,067
but you know what they say
about relationships:
193
00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,800
Every moment's a battle.
194
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,168
So are you happy?
Do you know what goes
195
00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,367
hand in hand with fighting?
196
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,367
The makeup sex.
197
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:52,367
Which is different
198
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:55,500
when you're in a loving,
long-term relationship.
199
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,600
Heads we have sex,
200
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,233
tail we order a whole pizza
and just lay here moaning.
201
00:08:01,233 --> 00:08:03,233
Oh, great.
Let the coin decide.
202
00:08:05,767 --> 00:08:08,300
Which was pizza again?
Tails.
203
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,567
It was tails.
204
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:13,300
Sex-- am I right?
205
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:15,300
Thank God that's mostly over.
206
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:17,901
I'm still hungry.
207
00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:19,434
You hungry?
208
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,667
We have to break them up.
209
00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:28,267
You're right.
Barney and Robin
210
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:29,767
are miserable together,
211
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,167
but they're too stubborn
to admit it.
212
00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:33,034
So we had to get them
to break up.
213
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,034
How do we do that?
We unleash...
214
00:08:35,034 --> 00:08:37,234
the Kraken.
215
00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:39,733
Kids, as you know,
earlier that year
216
00:08:39,733 --> 00:08:41,900
I'd learned that Lily had
broken up not one,
217
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:46,167
not two, but seven
of my past relationships.
218
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,067
Forget it.
I'm retired.
219
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,467
I'm out of the game.
But nobody's better than you.
220
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:53,568
I'm telling you,
I swore off that rocket.
221
00:08:53,568 --> 00:08:54,800
I've gone legit.
222
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,733
I'm a matchmaker now.
223
00:08:57,233 --> 00:08:59,734
Set me up with someone.
Whoa, I'm just starting out.
224
00:08:59,734 --> 00:09:01,667
Please. You've, you've
got to break them up.
225
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:02,867
This relationship
is killing them.
226
00:09:02,867 --> 00:09:05,801
I know it is,
but I've learned my lesson.
227
00:09:05,801 --> 00:09:07,267
No more interfering.
228
00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:08,801
Let things run their course.
229
00:09:08,801 --> 00:09:11,634
It's two-to-one.
Yes, but t one is me.
230
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:15,168
All right, we don't need her.
231
00:09:15,168 --> 00:09:17,134
We can break them up on our own.
How?
232
00:09:17,134 --> 00:09:19,801
Okay remember when
Robin and I were dating?
233
00:09:19,801 --> 00:09:22,934
What was the one big thing that
really freaked her out?
234
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:26,200
No, no, no, no, no--Ted, you can't.
235
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,333
No! No-no-no!
236
00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:29,400
What are you talking about?
237
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,034
This! This is
what I'm talking about.
238
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:33,267
What is this doing
in my champagne?
239
00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:34,367
If we make Robin think
240
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,001
for even a second
that Barney is proposing,
241
00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:37,400
she'll lose it
and they'll break up.
242
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,034
That's crazy.
Why don't we just,
243
00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:40,333
uh, like, lead Barney
into temptation?
244
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,634
We'll find some hot woman
hit on him...
245
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:47,801
Okay, the ring thing.
246
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,434
Stakeout van.
What?
247
00:09:56,434 --> 00:09:57,700
We should've gotten
a stakeout van.
248
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:58,900
We could've ordered pizza,
249
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,067
look through
big binoculars and said,
250
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,434
"This ain't what I signed up
for," stuff like that.
251
00:10:03,434 --> 00:10:05,000
Shh, here
comes the waiter.
252
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,800
Please shut up.
253
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:08,934
What?
254
00:10:08,934 --> 00:10:11,401
Oh, I thought
you said something, sorry.
255
00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:19,134
Is that an engagement ring?
256
00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:21,000
Are you...?
257
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,467
Oh, no. No.
That is not .
258
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:25,568
They must have delivered it
to the wrong table.
259
00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:26,934
Can you imagine
260
00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:28,733
us getting married?
261
00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:32,134
Well, we are committed
to each other.
262
00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:33,733
Most of your stuff is
263
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:34,767
already at my apartment.
264
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,000
It might make taxes easier.
265
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,634
It'd speed up your citizenship.
266
00:10:37,634 --> 00:10:39,700
"Scherbatsky"
is so hard to spell.
267
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:42,067
My mom would be so happy.
268
00:10:43,668 --> 00:10:46,034
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, no reason not to.
269
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:49,134
We're getting married!
Not so loud, geez.
270
00:10:49,134 --> 00:10:50,167
What did you do?
271
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,833
I am furious right now!
272
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:52,967
This is so wrong!
273
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:54,301
Lily, will you be
my maid of honor?
274
00:10:54,301 --> 00:10:56,267
Oh, my God! I would love to!
275
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,567
Are you out of your mind?!
276
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:02,934
You knew they were playing
Relationship Chicken,
277
00:11:02,935 --> 00:11:03,934
And what did you do?
278
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:06,801
You put an engagement ring
in front of them!
279
00:11:06,801 --> 00:11:08,500
Okay, that's it.
280
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,200
I'm taking over.
281
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,333
Coming out of retirement
for one, last breakup.
282
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:15,634
Oh-ho! All right.
Oh, yes!
283
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:16,634
How are we going to do it?
284
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:17,734
These guys are in so deep,
285
00:11:17,734 --> 00:11:19,134
just one fight
ain't going to do it.
286
00:11:19,134 --> 00:11:20,134
We need
287
00:11:20,134 --> 00:11:22,300
to reignite
the four biggest fights
288
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,333
they've ever been in
all at once.
289
00:11:24,833 --> 00:11:28,601
Number one:
The Battle of the Dirty Dishes.
290
00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:34,967
Number two:
The Ex-Girlfriend Conflict.
291
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,167
Hey.
292
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:37,833
Don't you know
that girl over there?
293
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,733
No, I don't think .
294
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:40,967
No, in fact,
295
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,634
I have definitely not--
Oh, hey, it's Meg.
296
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,967
Wow, I am certainly not comparing you two
in my mind right now.
297
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,334
Whoops! Hey, will you get that for me, please?
Really?
298
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,601
What's the problem? I'm not... Why do you keep--
You're embarrassing me in public.
299
00:11:51,601 --> 00:11:53,367
You?re constantly putting me in these positions.
Oh, my God...
300
00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:56,900
Number three:
The Star Wars Altercation.
301
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,367
Isn't it time you got
rid of your stupid doll?
302
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:02,167
It's not a doll.
It's a Storm Trooper.
303
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,134
Uh, he's wearing a diaper.
304
00:12:04,134 --> 00:12:06,767
It's not a diaper, Robin,
it's protective armor.
305
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,534
Storm Trooper?
More like storm-pooper.
306
00:12:09,534 --> 00:12:11,767
Stop it.
Oh!
307
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,833
Oh, it sounds like
your storm-pooper here
308
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:16,034
needs a changing. Okay, you know what?
I'm sick of it.
309
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,234
What? I didn't say anything. I'm sick of the jokes--
the joke about the magic,
310
00:12:18,234 --> 00:12:19,833
the joke about the stormtrooper...
I can't... I can't joke?
311
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:21,634
And of course the biggie:
312
00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:25,000
The Canadian/American War.
313
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,267
Thank God that song's over.
314
00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:29,634
Who the hell was
that old lady singing?
315
00:12:29,634 --> 00:12:33,034
Okay, you know that Neil Young
is my favorite musician.
316
00:12:33,034 --> 00:12:35,100
Right. Now, was that the same
old lady who played
317
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,967
Archie Bunker's wife
in All in the Family,
318
00:12:36,967 --> 00:12:38,100
or just sound-alike?
319
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,967
Neil Young is
a Canadian treasure.
320
00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:43,534
Do not make fun of Neil Young.
321
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:45,434
Robin, I would
never make fun of
322
00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:48,100
a defenseless old lady with
vocal cord paralysis... ever.
323
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,967
Oh, here we go. In public?
Really? In public?
Yeah, in public. I'll go there.
324
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:53,467
What's the problem? Everything
I say...
We're gonna have a fight in public?
325
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:54,534
I got it.
326
00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:56,534
I got it.
We e-mail them pictures
327
00:12:56,534 --> 00:12:58,467
reminding them
of each of these fights.
328
00:12:58,467 --> 00:13:00,434
You child.
329
00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:02,700
Here's how it goes down.
330
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:03,668
They're at the diner...
331
00:13:03,668 --> 00:13:04,767
LILY:
First, rekindling
332
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,567
the Canadian-American debate,
333
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,667
Ontario native Alan Thicke
stops by the table.
334
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:09,834
TED & MARSHALL:
Whoa! Whoa!
335
00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:11,734
Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
336
00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:12,667
Alan Thicke?
337
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,667
Oh, right.
Robin knew him
338
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:15,634
back when she was a singer.
339
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:17,367
Yeah, and they still
keep in touch.
340
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:19,467
I already got his number
off her phone.
341
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,967
Seriously... amateurs.
342
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,967
LILY:
So Alan Thicke restarts
343
00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:24,934
the Canada-U.S. fight.
344
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,634
Right at that moment,
345
00:13:26,634 --> 00:13:28,134
Crazy Meg shows up.
346
00:13:28,134 --> 00:13:32,200
Then, a stormtrooper happens
to walk by the window.
347
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,233
And just when they can't take
anything more,
348
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:35,600
a busboy walks by
349
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,068
with a tray full of what?
350
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:39,934
Dirty dishes.
351
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,333
Lily.
352
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:53,600
This is your masterpiece.
353
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600
We're getting a stakeout van!
354
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,934
A station wagon?
355
00:13:56,934 --> 00:13:59,634
Really? You rented
a station wagon?
356
00:13:59,634 --> 00:14:01,500
Yeah, a van cost,
like, 25 bucks more.
357
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,867
A station wagon?
358
00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:06,867
Greetings, Will Robinson!
359
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:08,667
Where's the birthday
boy or girl?
360
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:10,434
Hey, climb on in.
361
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:11,567
What the hell is this?
362
00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:13,600
Oh, they didn't have
any stormtroopers,
363
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,934
so I had to get a different
robot; this'll still work.
364
00:14:15,934 --> 00:14:17,200
Different robot?
365
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,034
Stormtroopers
aren't robots.
366
00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:20,267
Of course
they're robots!
367
00:14:20,267 --> 00:14:22,500
"Must kill Luke Skywalker."
368
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,534
Um, nobody says that
in Star Wars at all, ever.
369
00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:26,267
That's a really lousy
robot voice, honey.
370
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,168
Someone order an
extra large sausage?
371
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,134
Hey, one of Barney's videos
starts off just like that.
372
00:14:31,134 --> 00:14:33,934
Hey, guys, Barney's ordering...
five of something.
373
00:14:33,934 --> 00:14:35,300
I don't know if
it's gonna fit in here.
374
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,600
Okay, now you're
just quoting the video.
375
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:38,667
Still ordering.
376
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,500
Waiter's taking out
a second pad.
377
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,834
Yeah, okay, well,
we need it in here.
378
00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:42,867
We're on a stakeout.
379
00:14:42,867 --> 00:14:44,233
Shouldn't you be in a van?
380
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:46,500
Thank you!
A van cost more.
381
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:49,168
Score me a slice, Will Robinson!
No, no-no-no!
382
00:14:49,168 --> 00:14:50,800
You get a stain on that costume,
they're gonna charge us.
383
00:14:50,801 --> 00:14:52,301
Dude, will you just chill
about money?
384
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,001
Yeah, let the stormtrooper
have a slice.
385
00:14:55,001 --> 00:14:57,101
BOTH:
It's not a stormtrooper!
386
00:14:57,101 --> 00:14:58,801
Hi, Lily
387
00:14:58,801 --> 00:15:00,934
Sorry I'm late.
I was looking for a van.
388
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,834
Thank you!
$25!
389
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:04,034
So should I go
say hi to Robin?
390
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:05,134
Oh, not yet;
get in the car.
391
00:15:05,134 --> 00:15:07,267
Okay, so wait,
wait, wait.
392
00:15:07,267 --> 00:15:09,400
When they blew up
the Death Star,
393
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,901
knowing full well
there were thousands
394
00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:13,400
of stormtroopers on it,
those were people?
395
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,034
It was called
the Death Star, baby.
396
00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:17,034
They knew what
they were getting into.
397
00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:19,200
Look, I don't want to play
the "I'm Alan Thicke" card,
398
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,534
but I really do have a dinner
to get to.
399
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:23,233
Someone has got to
take this sausage!
400
00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:24,967
Okay, were you in that video?
401
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,601
Were you the guy
with the farmer tan?
402
00:15:26,601 --> 00:15:29,000
Jonesin' for some 'za,
Will Robinson!
403
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,634
Come on, I'm Alan Thicke!
404
00:15:30,635 --> 00:15:32,634
This ain't what I signed up for.
405
00:15:32,634 --> 00:15:35,367
Hey! That's what...
Hey, you know what? Everyone, stop!
406
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,800
Alan Thicke, shut up! Marshall,
it's a station wagon.
407
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,467
Get over it!
Ted, stop talking about porn!
408
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:41,634
And for the love of God,
409
00:15:41,634 --> 00:15:43,568
somebody get the stormtrooper
some pizza!
410
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,100
TED & MARSHALL:
It's not a stormtrooper!
411
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,733
Crap!
412
00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:49,301
They see us!
413
00:15:49,302 --> 00:15:51,302
Danger! Danger!
414
00:15:57,134 --> 00:15:58,134
Are you sure they saw us?
415
00:15:58,134 --> 00:15:59,568
Yes.
Hey!
416
00:16:00,733 --> 00:16:03,434
Can I go talk to Barney now?
I'm so excited!
417
00:16:03,434 --> 00:16:05,833
Do you really think
he's going to propose to me?
418
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,367
Oh, honey...
419
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,167
Forget it, Crazy Meg,
we've been made.
420
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:10,634
If we try anything now,
they're going to know it's us.
421
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,801
I, I think we should all just
go home...
No!
422
00:16:12,801 --> 00:16:14,767
This is my masterpiece.
423
00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:16,133
So what if they saw us?
424
00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:17,367
It'll still work.
425
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,667
Stop it. We'll think
of something else.
426
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:21,334
Let me repeat:
"I am Alan Thicke."
427
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:23,801
You're Alan Thicke?!
428
00:16:23,801 --> 00:16:25,968
No.
429
00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:28,133
Alan Thicke, you're up.
Get on out there.
430
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:31,334
NARRATOR:
And so, Lily followed
through with her plan.
431
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:33,534
First, Alan Thicke.
432
00:16:34,634 --> 00:16:37,200
Followed by Crazy Meg.
433
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,767
Then, the robot.
434
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,567
And finally, the dirty dishes.
435
00:16:45,401 --> 00:16:46,900
But by the end of it...
436
00:16:47,934 --> 00:16:49,900
LILY:
They're kissing?
437
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,334
They shouldn't be kissing!
438
00:16:51,334 --> 00:16:52,867
Why isn't this working?
439
00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,600
Because they're in love.
440
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:58,767
It really was
just a rough patch.
441
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:02,001
What the hell am I doing?
442
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,601
This whole thing was a mistake.
443
00:17:07,434 --> 00:17:09,033
So, uh,
444
00:17:09,033 --> 00:17:11,133
any of you dudes
want to get high?
445
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:15,467
I never thought I'd be
saying this tonight, but...
446
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:17,534
to Barney and Robin,
the happy couple.
447
00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:20,367
That was the moment we learned
448
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:21,701
that relationships
take hard work,
449
00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:24,567
but eventually,
everything will work out.
450
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,533
Oh, hey!
Where's Barney?
451
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:28,434
Uh, we broke up.
452
00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:31,001
And that was the moment
we unlearned that other lesson
453
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:33,034
we had just learned
a few seconds earlier.
454
00:17:33,034 --> 00:17:35,500
You see, earlier that night,
when Lily thought
455
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,567
Barney and Robin
had spotted her,
456
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,334
this is what they really saw.
457
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:45,334
Why do that fat guy
and old lady keep sta...?
458
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:50,401
Oh, my God. That's us!
459
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:52,533
Look at us.
460
00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:54,234
Did always look this awful?
461
00:17:56,468 --> 00:17:58,301
Robin, I'm not happy.
462
00:17:58,301 --> 00:17:59,767
I mean,
463
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,767
I wish I was.
Nothing would make me happier
464
00:18:01,767 --> 00:18:03,567
than being happy, but...
465
00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:05,201
I'm not.
466
00:18:06,201 --> 00:18:08,101
What are we doing wrong?
467
00:18:08,101 --> 00:18:09,267
We love each other.
468
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:12,234
I mean, if this don't work,
what will?
469
00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:13,700
We're so similar.
470
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:16,334
We both like scotch.
We're both awesome.
471
00:18:16,334 --> 00:18:18,101
You know, maybe that's it.
472
00:18:18,101 --> 00:18:20,201
Maybe there's just
too much awesome here.
473
00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:21,934
Exactly.
474
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,234
Two awesomes
cancel each other out,
475
00:18:24,234 --> 00:18:27,900
and I'm tired of being
cancelled out.
476
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,800
Me, too.
477
00:18:30,967 --> 00:18:33,234
Are we breaking up?
478
00:18:33,234 --> 00:18:35,301
I think so.
479
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,101
Ah, crap.
480
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:40,967
Now comes the next part.
481
00:18:40,967 --> 00:18:44,167
The part where you and can't
go back to being friends.
482
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:49,468
Well, maybe this isn't
a breakup.
483
00:18:49,468 --> 00:18:52,967
Maybe this is two friends
484
00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:55,500
getting back together.
485
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,800
ALAN THICKE: Robin!
Ooh!
486
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,034
Alan...
487
00:19:01,034 --> 00:19:03,468
Oh, it's always so great
to see a fellow hoser.
488
00:19:03,468 --> 00:19:05,567
Yes! Oh, is true.
MEG: Barney!
489
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:06,934
Good news!
I forgive you
490
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:08,468
for the whole
restraining order thing.
491
00:19:08,468 --> 00:19:10,334
Uh, hi.
492
00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:12,434
Whoa, is that a stormtrooper?
493
00:19:12,434 --> 00:19:14,667
That's not a stormtr...
You want to get out of here?
494
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,201
Yeah.
495
00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:18,468
See you guys.
Okay.
496
00:19:18,468 --> 00:19:19,500
See you, Alan.
497
00:19:21,101 --> 00:19:22,967
So you still on 73rd Street?
498
00:19:22,967 --> 00:19:26,001
How do you know that?
499
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,567
Getting back together
500
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:30,734
as friends... I like that.
501
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,734
One more for the road?
502
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,300
And, I mean, who knows?
503
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,000
Maybe, when,
like, you turn 40,
504
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,234
if you haven't found anyone...
505
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:45,767
Oh, I already have
that deal with Ted.
506
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,734
Oh, right. Stupid.
507
00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:50,467
Well, maybe when you turn 39,
508
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:51,801
if you haven't
found anyone...
509
00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:54,467
It turns out
that they really did
510
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,834
just need to let things
run their course.
511
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,334
So, uh, how's Barney doing?
512
00:19:59,334 --> 00:20:00,734
He's okay, I think.
513
00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:03,734
It might be a while before
he fully recovers, but. Ooh!
514
00:20:03,734 --> 00:20:05,534
Did you guys just feel a chill?
515
00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:06,767
Yeah.
516
00:20:22,768 --> 00:20:23,768
Daddy's home.
517
00:20:28,633 --> 00:20:29,867
Well, Robin,
I'm glad we could catch up.
518
00:20:29,867 --> 00:20:31,134
Oh, yeah, let's
do it again soon.
519
00:20:31,134 --> 00:20:33,101
I love that you guys
are still friends
520
00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:35,101
so long after you
did that music video.
521
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,067
Yeah.
The music?
522
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:38,767
Oh, the "Sandcastles"
video, yes!
523
00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:40,700
Yes, we did that
together, too.
524
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,934
What do you mean "too"?
Oh, we had this
525
00:20:42,934 --> 00:20:46,567
failed Canadian
TV variety show we did.
526
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:48,200
That was so embarrassing.
527
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,801
Imagine what would happen
if anybody ever got
their hands on that?
528
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,634
Oh, you.
529
00:20:57,367 --> 00:21:01,400
Sync by honeybunny - Corrected By Alex28
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00