1 00:00:05,355 --> 00:00:07,122 Times square on new year's eve, 2 00:00:07,122 --> 00:00:09,322 Rockefeller center around christmastime... 3 00:00:09,322 --> 00:00:10,775 Yeah! But most of all... 4 00:00:10,775 --> 00:00:13,099 A college bar? Oh, man. 5 00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:14,578 We're probably going to run into my students. 6 00:00:14,578 --> 00:00:17,428 They're going to corner me and want a free lecture. 7 00:00:17,428 --> 00:00:19,182 I don't even have my slide projector. 8 00:00:19,182 --> 00:00:19,814 damn it. 9 00:00:19,814 --> 00:00:22,648 Ted, I've been skee-ball champ here since law school. 10 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,189 I have to pop in at least once a month 11 00:00:24,189 --> 00:00:25,709 To maintain my record. 12 00:00:25,709 --> 00:00:28,053 Whoa. Looks like you've been gone a while. 13 00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:30,341 Some guy named big fudge has been cleaning up. 14 00:00:30,341 --> 00:00:31,796 Yeah, he has. 15 00:00:32,359 --> 00:00:33,673 And you're big fudge. 16 00:00:33,673 --> 00:00:34,931 The biggest. 17 00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:36,929 Um, so by the way, 18 00:00:36,929 --> 00:00:38,785 I-I have to tell you something. Yeah. 19 00:00:38,785 --> 00:00:41,340 I, uh... invited jenkins. 20 00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:43,106 Jenkins? No way! 21 00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:44,679 We'd all started hearing about jenkins 22 00:00:44,679 --> 00:00:45,978 A few weeks earlier. 23 00:00:46,339 --> 00:00:49,510 You guys will not believe what jenkins did this time. 24 00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:50,565 Who's jenkins? 25 00:00:50,565 --> 00:00:51,793 Oh, he's this hilarious 26 00:00:51,793 --> 00:00:53,893 New lawyer at marshall's office. 27 00:00:54,107 --> 00:00:55,885 Hilarious. 28 00:00:56,071 --> 00:00:58,002 Okay, so there's this jar 29 00:00:58,002 --> 00:00:59,896 Of maraschino cherries in the fridge at work. 30 00:00:59,897 --> 00:01:01,845 So, jenkins says, 31 00:01:01,845 --> 00:01:05,309 "200 bucks, I'll eat the whole jar." 32 00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:08,567 So, we give jenkins 200 bucks... 33 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,749 Jenkins. 34 00:01:18,749 --> 00:01:20,781 And after that, the stories kept coming. 35 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:24,045 So, the cfo comes in to sign some acquisition papers. 36 00:01:24,045 --> 00:01:25,515 So, jenkins goes, 37 00:01:25,515 --> 00:01:27,538 "Excuse me, mr. Wilcox. 38 00:01:27,538 --> 00:01:30,447 I think we forgot one of the documents." 39 00:01:36,568 --> 00:01:38,190 Jenkins! 40 00:01:39,115 --> 00:01:41,195 So, we all go out for beers after work. 41 00:01:41,195 --> 00:01:44,096 Jenkins gets up on the bar and starts gyrating 42 00:01:44,096 --> 00:01:46,521 Like some sort of deranged stripper. 43 00:01:46,521 --> 00:01:49,861 Next thing you know, off comes the shirt! 44 00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:52,026 It was so gross. 45 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,288 All : jenkins. 46 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,931 Right? 47 00:01:55,931 --> 00:01:58,395 Well, it'll be great to finally meet the famous jenkins 48 00:01:58,395 --> 00:02:00,300 After all those stories. Yeah. 49 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,412 And there's about to be one more story. 50 00:02:02,412 --> 00:02:04,473 I'm going to bang jenkins. 51 00:02:04,473 --> 00:02:06,255 What? You heard me. 52 00:02:06,255 --> 00:02:08,889 You-you want to have sex with jenkins? 53 00:02:08,889 --> 00:02:11,531 With jenkins, on jenkins, near jenkins. 54 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:14,911 You name it. I want to wear jenkins like a sock. 55 00:02:14,911 --> 00:02:17,511 You... but you're... 56 00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:19,244 Haven't you... i'm... 57 00:02:19,244 --> 00:02:20,910 Really? Woman: hey, guys. 58 00:02:21,263 --> 00:02:22,863 Ted, this is jenkins. 59 00:02:23,429 --> 00:02:25,585 Oh. 60 00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:40,427 Okay, this is going to sound crazy, 61 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:43,155 But I thought jenkins was a guy. 62 00:02:43,155 --> 00:02:44,791 What? That's crazy! 63 00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:46,532 What gave you that idea? Oh, I don't know. 64 00:02:46,532 --> 00:02:49,306 Maybe the whole "Jenkins peed out the window of a cab" Story. 65 00:02:49,306 --> 00:02:50,915 Yeah. Much more impressive now, isn't it? 66 00:02:50,915 --> 00:02:53,766 Yeah. Okay, I'll come clean! 67 00:02:54,185 --> 00:02:56,105 It all started a few weeks ago. 68 00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:58,147 By the way, four eyes, new lawyer. 69 00:02:58,147 --> 00:02:59,466 This is jenkins. 70 00:02:59,466 --> 00:03:00,385 Watch out for this guy. 71 00:03:00,385 --> 00:03:01,785 He steals stuff. 72 00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:03,345 I don't steal stuff. 73 00:03:04,381 --> 00:03:06,465 And I don't wear glasses. 74 00:03:07,737 --> 00:03:09,999 I'm marshall. Hi, marshall. 75 00:03:09,999 --> 00:03:13,828 So, are you really a vikings fan or was he lying about that, too? 76 00:03:13,828 --> 00:03:15,613 Why? Is this a trap? 77 00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:16,506 Are you a packers fan? 78 00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:17,663 My wife knows I'm here. 79 00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:19,705 She doesn't have money, but what she does have 80 00:03:19,705 --> 00:03:21,709 Is a very special set of skills. 81 00:03:22,009 --> 00:03:23,414 I'm a vikings fan, too! 82 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:24,631 I bleed purple and gold. 83 00:03:24,631 --> 00:03:26,314 I'm from pelican rapids. 84 00:03:26,314 --> 00:03:27,531 Pelican rapids? 85 00:03:27,531 --> 00:03:28,677 No way. Yeah. 86 00:03:28,677 --> 00:03:30,715 My grandpa lives in pelican rapids. 87 00:03:30,715 --> 00:03:31,741 Well, I mean, he's dead now, 88 00:03:31,741 --> 00:03:33,925 But he haunts a barn off route 108. 89 00:03:34,341 --> 00:03:35,295 whoa! 90 00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:36,704 Hold it, hold it. Dude, 91 00:03:36,704 --> 00:03:37,637 If you tell me you have a thing 92 00:03:37,637 --> 00:03:39,124 For a woman that is not your wife, 93 00:03:39,124 --> 00:03:41,677 I will drag you outside and kick your ass. 94 00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:44,860 Okay, first of all... come on, buddy. 95 00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:46,612 You can't handle the fudge. 96 00:03:46,612 --> 00:03:48,132 Second of all, no. 97 00:03:48,132 --> 00:03:50,886 I think of her like a... A big brother. 98 00:03:50,886 --> 00:03:52,709 Who, I guess, has boobs. 99 00:03:52,709 --> 00:03:55,226 But so does my oldest brother, marvin jr. Anyway, 100 00:03:55,226 --> 00:03:57,065 That night, I told lily about it. 101 00:03:57,065 --> 00:03:58,415 Jenkins. 102 00:03:58,415 --> 00:04:01,148 Aw. I can't wait to meet him. 103 00:04:01,148 --> 00:04:02,764 I should have corrected her. 104 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,856 It would have been so easy. 105 00:04:04,925 --> 00:04:06,726 But I didn't, so, 106 00:04:06,726 --> 00:04:09,085 After that, whenever I talked about jenkins, 107 00:04:09,085 --> 00:04:11,647 I always avoided pronouns. 108 00:04:11,647 --> 00:04:12,987 So, the head of marketing comes in 109 00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:15,251 To choose people for the midwest audit. 110 00:04:15,251 --> 00:04:18,268 So, he goes, "Him, him, her, 111 00:04:18,268 --> 00:04:20,371 "Him, him... 112 00:04:20,371 --> 00:04:22,507 Jenkins, him, her." 113 00:04:22,507 --> 00:04:24,738 Look, I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell lily. 114 00:04:24,738 --> 00:04:26,428 Do you really think she'd be all that jealous? 115 00:04:26,428 --> 00:04:28,921 Ted, think about those stories I told you. 116 00:04:44,658 --> 00:04:46,514 Yeah, I could see how that'd be a problem. 117 00:04:46,514 --> 00:04:49,191 Exactly. That's why lily can't find out. 118 00:04:49,191 --> 00:04:50,573 Lily can't find out what? 119 00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:53,182 That marshall's going to buy her a horse. 120 00:04:53,182 --> 00:04:54,559 You are? 121 00:04:54,559 --> 00:04:55,901 That is so awesome! 122 00:04:55,901 --> 00:04:58,093 I love those things. 123 00:04:59,874 --> 00:05:00,227 Hey, guys, why... 124 00:05:00,227 --> 00:05:02,575 Why is that kid over there staring at me? 125 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,179 I think I know what this is. 126 00:05:06,179 --> 00:05:08,945 I think it has finally happened. 127 00:05:08,945 --> 00:05:11,120 I'm getting recognized fromy show. 128 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:14,937 Oh, robin, that is so cute. 129 00:05:14,937 --> 00:05:15,781 But that's scotty. 130 00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:18,121 He's one of my students, and he's looking at me. Oh. 131 00:05:18,121 --> 00:05:20,543 How weird is it that I'm more famous than you? 132 00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:23,729 I'm on tv. 133 00:05:23,729 --> 00:05:25,428 Yeah, and I have 30 students in my class. 134 00:05:25,428 --> 00:05:27,956 That's what, 30 times your viewership? 135 00:05:28,145 --> 00:05:29,771 Now, this will give scotty a little thrill-- 136 00:05:29,771 --> 00:05:31,955 Buying a drink for the old prof. 137 00:05:33,037 --> 00:05:34,858 All right, scotter, one question 138 00:05:34,858 --> 00:05:37,184 About neoclassical architecture, and that is it. 139 00:05:37,184 --> 00:05:38,662 You're robin scherbatsky, right? 140 00:05:38,662 --> 00:05:41,115 What? Yes, I am. 141 00:05:41,115 --> 00:05:43,443 Wow. Look, I-I didn't mean to stare. 142 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:46,670 It's just, I watch your show all the time. 143 00:05:47,045 --> 00:05:48,540 Really? 144 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:49,348 Really? 145 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:50,712 Totally. 146 00:05:51,887 --> 00:05:53,373 What are you doing out with ted? 147 00:05:53,373 --> 00:05:55,495 Uh, it's professor mosby. 148 00:05:55,495 --> 00:05:56,731 We're friends. 149 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,434 Holy crap! 150 00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:01,132 Robin scherbatsky is friends with my econ professor. 151 00:06:01,132 --> 00:06:02,136 It's architecture! 152 00:06:02,136 --> 00:06:03,076 All right, you know what, scotty? 153 00:06:03,076 --> 00:06:05,065 You're crowding us. Hit the bricks. 154 00:06:06,543 --> 00:06:07,718 Wait a minute. You're big fudge. 155 00:06:07,718 --> 00:06:09,225 Go! 156 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:12,391 Hello? 157 00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:14,303 Hey, baby, I'm on my way up. 158 00:06:14,303 --> 00:06:15,635 What? Why? 159 00:06:15,635 --> 00:06:17,500 There was a measles outbreak at school, 160 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:18,950 And they called a half day. 161 00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:21,164 Thought I'd come by here, have lunch, 162 00:06:21,164 --> 00:06:23,054 Maybe give you the measles. 163 00:06:23,054 --> 00:06:24,490 Okay. 164 00:06:24,989 --> 00:06:27,144 Um, I have a problem. 165 00:06:27,144 --> 00:06:28,592 That was my wife. 166 00:06:28,592 --> 00:06:29,705 When I first mentioned you, 167 00:06:29,705 --> 00:06:31,741 She mistakenly thought you were a guy, and so... 168 00:06:31,741 --> 00:06:33,201 So, now you're worried that when she finds out 169 00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:35,430 I'm a woman, she's going to totally flip out. 170 00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:37,038 Yes. E-exactly. 171 00:06:37,038 --> 00:06:38,531 Oh, geez. Oh, gosh. Okay. 172 00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:39,832 Okay, I was in an improv group 173 00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:42,522 In pelican rapids. Follow my lead. Okay. 174 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,731 Hey! Hey, baby. 175 00:06:45,731 --> 00:06:47,797 Mmm. Oh, oh, hi. 176 00:06:47,797 --> 00:06:49,389 I'm lily, marshall's wife. 177 00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:51,660 I am from the french embassy. 178 00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:54,321 I am here because of a small but significant 179 00:06:54,321 --> 00:06:56,095 Cheese incident that occurred... 180 00:06:56,095 --> 00:06:57,631 She's jenkins! 181 00:07:03,342 --> 00:07:05,216 You're jenkins? 182 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,902 Yeah, well, that, uh, camembert crisis 183 00:07:07,902 --> 00:07:09,208 Isn't going to resolve itself, 184 00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:11,350 So I'll catch you guys on the flip-flop. 185 00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:12,701 Marshall cringed. 186 00:07:12,701 --> 00:07:14,402 This was the moment he had feared. 187 00:07:14,402 --> 00:07:16,001 The famous jenkins! 188 00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,328 How about that? 189 00:07:17,328 --> 00:07:19,126 Funny, I was picturing a guy. 190 00:07:19,126 --> 00:07:20,741 Anywho, lunch? 191 00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:22,602 Wait. W-w-w-w-wait. 192 00:07:22,602 --> 00:07:24,682 So... so, you're not jealous at all? 193 00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:29,494 I never have to worry about you with another woman. 194 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,492 Right, because we're so hopelessly in love, right? 195 00:07:32,492 --> 00:07:33,962 Yeah, sure. 196 00:07:33,962 --> 00:07:35,740 Anywho, lunch? 197 00:07:37,053 --> 00:07:38,292 She wasn't jealous at all. 198 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,733 Of course, she wasn't jealous. 199 00:07:39,733 --> 00:07:42,073 That's the whole dynamic of your relationship. 200 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:43,468 What's that supposed to mean? 201 00:07:43,468 --> 00:07:45,123 Uh, it's like this, my man. 202 00:07:45,123 --> 00:07:48,461 Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler. 203 00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:50,540 Exactly. One person reaches 204 00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:51,808 For someone out of their league; 205 00:07:51,808 --> 00:07:54,864 The other one settles for someone below theirs. 206 00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:57,287 I did not settle for lily. 207 00:07:57,287 --> 00:07:59,279 Okay, yes, she's a little short, 208 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,455 And-- true- my mom says she doesn't have 209 00:08:01,455 --> 00:08:04,173 The hips to birth an eriksen child, but... 210 00:08:05,244 --> 00:08:06,837 Oh, my god, you guys think I'm the reacher. 211 00:08:06,837 --> 00:08:08,490 That's why lily's not jealous. 212 00:08:08,490 --> 00:08:11,568 The settler is never jealous of the reacher because, 213 00:08:11,568 --> 00:08:13,448 Where is the reacher going to go? 214 00:08:13,448 --> 00:08:15,527 The settler, lily, is the best thing 215 00:08:15,527 --> 00:08:17,437 That the reacher, marshall, is ever going to get. 216 00:08:17,437 --> 00:08:18,918 No. No... okay. 217 00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:20,328 Yes, I am lucky to have lily, 218 00:08:20,328 --> 00:08:24,490 But lily is just as lucky... to have me. 219 00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:26,699 Okay. Neither one of us is the reacher. 220 00:08:26,699 --> 00:08:28,510 Dude, you are so the reacher. 221 00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:30,844 You're getting her a horse! 222 00:08:32,619 --> 00:08:35,222 What? Shh. Take the hit. 223 00:08:35,222 --> 00:08:36,564 Take the hit. 224 00:08:38,439 --> 00:08:40,040 Thus ending modern architecture's 225 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:44,444 Very brief experiment with the v-frame house. 226 00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:48,748 Excuse me a second. 227 00:08:49,561 --> 00:08:50,330 What are you doing here? 228 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,730 I noticed you forgot something this morning, 229 00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:54,223 So I thought I'd bring it by. 230 00:08:54,339 --> 00:08:56,379 Your pen. This is your pen. 231 00:08:56,379 --> 00:08:58,886 And you chewed on the end of it. Recently. 232 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,383 Ah, not a problem, ted. 233 00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,370 Your class was on my way to work. No, it's not. 234 00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:04,514 At come on, get up new york!, 235 00:09:04,514 --> 00:09:05,994 Where I'm an anchor, so... 236 00:09:05,994 --> 00:09:08,659 I watch your show all the time. 237 00:09:09,178 --> 00:09:10,483 What?! 238 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,934 You watch the show? Oh! 239 00:09:12,934 --> 00:09:15,353 Well, paint me flattered. Any other fans out there? 240 00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:16,210 Oh, we got... oh. 241 00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:18,224 Okay, all right. Thanks for coming by, robin. 242 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,204 Oh, well, tune in tonight. 243 00:09:19,204 --> 00:09:22,374 I am doing a great piece on snail poison. 244 00:09:23,569 --> 00:09:24,528 Also, 245 00:09:24,528 --> 00:09:26,285 Who's got the worst pizza in new york? 246 00:09:26,285 --> 00:09:27,492 I'll give you the answer after traffic 247 00:09:27,571 --> 00:09:29,838 On the ones, threes, fives and nines. 248 00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:32,846 Really? 249 00:09:32,846 --> 00:09:34,407 You guys watch her show? 250 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,295 It's like watching a wel l-lit aquarium, 251 00:09:36,295 --> 00:09:37,725 But not as interesting. 252 00:09:37,725 --> 00:09:39,910 And now that I think about it, not as well lit. 253 00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:41,330 Well, the truth is, 254 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,968 We watch it for the drinking game. 255 00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:45,207 The who now? 256 00:09:45,207 --> 00:09:47,198 Her morning show comes on so early, 257 00:09:47,198 --> 00:09:49,013 We're usually still at the bar, 258 00:09:49,013 --> 00:09:50,925 So whenever she does an interview, 259 00:09:50,925 --> 00:09:54,120 You have to drink every time she says, "But, um.."" 260 00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:56,410 "But, um..."? 261 00:09:56,410 --> 00:09:57,514 "But, um..." 262 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,958 Apparently, she says it a lot. 263 00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:00,841 It's funny. 264 00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:02,937 I had a drinking game based on robin, 265 00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:04,694 But it was actually on robin. 266 00:10:04,694 --> 00:10:06,353 I'd pour peach schnapps in her belly button... 267 00:10:06,353 --> 00:10:07,608 Dude, we agreed we wouldn't do this. 268 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,013 Sorry. You're right. 269 00:10:09,013 --> 00:10:10,762 She didn't like it anyway. 270 00:10:10,762 --> 00:10:12,178 Said it woke her up. 271 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:16,298 Does she really say "But, um.."" That much? 272 00:10:16,298 --> 00:10:19,408 That night, we found out just how much she said it. 273 00:10:19,408 --> 00:10:20,908 Robin : oh, that's great. 274 00:10:20,908 --> 00:10:22,215 But, um... ted: but, um... barney: nice. 275 00:10:22,215 --> 00:10:23,404 This wasn't your first 276 00:10:23,404 --> 00:10:24,588 Spelling bee, was it? 277 00:10:24,588 --> 00:10:25,708 Nope. Third. 278 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,578 Oh, good for you. 279 00:10:27,578 --> 00:10:29,577 But, um... 280 00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,171 But, um... 281 00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:37,058 But, um... but, um... 282 00:10:46,398 --> 00:10:47,646 Hmm. 283 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:50,382 Interesting article in the paper. 284 00:10:50,382 --> 00:10:53,926 Says that in every relationship, there's a reacher and a settler. 285 00:10:53,926 --> 00:10:55,312 Really? Let me see it. 286 00:10:55,312 --> 00:10:57,381 No, uh, it's not in this newspaper. 287 00:10:57,381 --> 00:10:58,812 It's in one I read a while back. 288 00:10:58,812 --> 00:11:01,500 This newspaper reminded me of the other newspaper. 289 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,783 Anywho... 290 00:11:03,783 --> 00:11:05,374 What do you think about that? 291 00:11:05,771 --> 00:11:08,310 Well, I guess sometimes that's the case. 292 00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:10,359 But not in ours. 293 00:11:10,359 --> 00:11:12,278 What? No, of course not. 294 00:11:12,278 --> 00:11:14,043 Right. 295 00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:18,997 Well, say-- gun to your head-- 296 00:11:18,998 --> 00:11:22,633 You had to say one of us was the reacher. 297 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,642 Well, I'd say it's neither. 298 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,417 That's what makes us great. 299 00:11:27,081 --> 00:11:30,502 Okay, now there's a gun to my head 300 00:11:30,502 --> 00:11:33,510 And our future children, and our future cat or monkey, 301 00:11:33,584 --> 00:11:34,820 Depending on who wins the game of risk 302 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,435 We've been playing for three years. 303 00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:37,768 Nope. 304 00:11:37,768 --> 00:11:39,742 No reacher, no settler. 305 00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,054 Mmm. Mmm. 306 00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:44,146 Well, how about this? 307 00:11:44,146 --> 00:11:45,753 This went on for a while. 308 00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:48,524 Until finally... 309 00:11:49,081 --> 00:11:50,478 Our two kids, 310 00:11:50,478 --> 00:11:54,322 Our eight grandkids, our 11 great-grandkids 311 00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:58,311 Are all on a plane piloted by oprah 312 00:11:58,311 --> 00:12:01,074 And it's about to crash into an art museum 313 00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:02,630 With all of your favorite paintings, 314 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:05,422 And the only way... the only way to save everything 315 00:12:05,422 --> 00:12:07,506 Is just... is just to answer the question: 316 00:12:07,506 --> 00:12:10,620 Are you the reacher or the settler? 317 00:12:11,901 --> 00:12:13,405 And oprah's tried everything? 318 00:12:13,405 --> 00:12:14,558 Everything! 319 00:12:14,558 --> 00:12:17,074 You have to decide now. 320 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,323 Well, I guess, if I had to say, 321 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,474 Then maybe I'd say 322 00:12:23,474 --> 00:12:24,162 I'm the settler. 323 00:12:24,162 --> 00:12:26,263 How could you say that?! 324 00:12:26,444 --> 00:12:28,979 She thinks that she's the settler. 325 00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:30,622 I mean, that's it. 326 00:12:30,622 --> 00:12:33,862 I gotta-I gotta prove to her that I am not the reacher. 327 00:12:33,862 --> 00:12:35,335 I gotta make her jealous. 328 00:12:35,335 --> 00:12:36,705 Well, that's easy. Here's the plan. 329 00:12:36,705 --> 00:12:39,017 *Sleep with jenkins. 330 00:12:39,017 --> 00:12:41,252 *I sleep with jenkins first. 331 00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:43,291 *We do step two first. 332 00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:45,196 I'm gonna go get started on step two. 333 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,934 Okay, okay, I got something. 334 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,754 Remember the other night, the skee-ball game? 335 00:12:50,755 --> 00:12:52,656 When you were putting nothing but wood in the 50 hole? 336 00:12:52,657 --> 00:12:53,336 Whatever. 337 00:12:53,336 --> 00:12:55,525 Just another night for big fudge. 338 00:13:18,813 --> 00:13:20,200 You thought she was into me? 339 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,535 Full-on lady wood. 340 00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:24,103 Yes. 341 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,306 Of course. 342 00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,308 A plan taketh shape. 343 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,893 If lady lily's jealousy 344 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:34,248 Young marshall cannot budge, 345 00:13:34,249 --> 00:13:38,619 Then perchance, fair gentles, big fudge... 346 00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:40,221 Can... 347 00:13:40,222 --> 00:13:41,227 Make her jealous. 348 00:13:41,227 --> 00:13:42,522 Okay, let me try that again. 349 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,246 If lady lily's... I got it, buddy. 350 00:13:44,246 --> 00:13:45,870 I got it. 351 00:13:47,622 --> 00:13:51,084 Ted, I have got a great idea. 352 00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:52,133 Oh, is it "clean your hair 353 00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:53,817 "out of the shower drain when you're done"? 354 00:13:53,817 --> 00:13:56,427 Seriously, it's like you're trying to carpet the tub. 355 00:13:56,427 --> 00:13:59,801 If you wanted to print out one of your lectures or something, 356 00:13:59,801 --> 00:14:01,628 I could read it on air. 357 00:14:01,628 --> 00:14:04,581 Coming from a more entertaining source, 358 00:14:04,963 --> 00:14:07,630 Your students might actually pay attention and learn something. 359 00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:09,834 Oh, you're entertaining? 360 00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:11,751 Last night, there was three minutes of dead air 361 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,211 While you sewed a button back on your sweater. 362 00:14:14,211 --> 00:14:17,198 Look, just because your class likes me more than you... 363 00:14:17,198 --> 00:14:19,772 You're a drinking game! What? 364 00:14:19,772 --> 00:14:20,886 That's why they watch. 365 00:14:20,886 --> 00:14:22,109 They made a drinking game out of you. 366 00:14:22,109 --> 00:14:25,429 Every time you say "But, um..."" They do a shot. 367 00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,456 "But, um..."? Yeah. 368 00:14:27,456 --> 00:14:29,110 I don't say, "But, um..." 369 00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:30,835 I've never said, "But, um..." 370 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:32,951 Well, then, I guess it's not a very good drinking game. 371 00:14:32,951 --> 00:14:34,934 Which would mean last night, when barney and I played it, 372 00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:38,411 I didn't get super wasted and throw up all over myself. 373 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,736 Oh, wait, I did both of those things. 374 00:14:41,736 --> 00:14:44,485 So, face. 375 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,635 Hey, jenkins. Hey, buddy. 376 00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:50,746 Hey, so, um, 377 00:14:50,746 --> 00:14:53,811 Lily and I are gonna go back to that college bar again. 378 00:14:53,811 --> 00:14:56,140 And, uh, we were wondering if maybe you wanted to come. 379 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,601 Uh, you could just, like, watch me play skee-ball 380 00:14:58,601 --> 00:15:00,763 Or do exactly what you did the other night. 381 00:15:00,763 --> 00:15:01,842 Something like that. 382 00:15:01,842 --> 00:15:04,418 It's really up to you. I mean, I know that... 383 00:15:20,958 --> 00:15:22,941 Hey, baby, what are you doing home? 384 00:15:23,852 --> 00:15:25,092 "Baby." 385 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,970 That's... that's a name I don't deserve. 386 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,151 What? 387 00:15:30,851 --> 00:15:32,790 Jenkins kissed me. 388 00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:34,247 She kissed me. 389 00:15:34,247 --> 00:15:37,134 The other day, she saw me play skee-ball, 390 00:15:37,134 --> 00:15:38,205 And I don't know, I guess 391 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,641 She caught some of the big fudge fever. 392 00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:41,703 But you have to know 393 00:15:41,703 --> 00:15:43,596 I stopped it right away. 394 00:15:43,596 --> 00:15:47,057 And just, you're the only one for me, baby. 395 00:15:48,706 --> 00:15:50,807 Oh, I see what this is. 396 00:15:50,807 --> 00:15:54,109 This is about the whole reacher/settler thing. 397 00:15:54,109 --> 00:15:55,696 Come again for big fudge? 398 00:15:55,696 --> 00:15:57,166 You want to make me jealous, 399 00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:59,649 So you're making up a story about jenkins. 400 00:15:59,649 --> 00:16:01,865 I'm not making this up! 401 00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:02,797 This happened. 402 00:16:02,797 --> 00:16:05,291 That woman kissed me with tongue. 403 00:16:05,291 --> 00:16:07,310 Her-her tongue was in my mouth. 404 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,158 Sure it was. 405 00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:12,338 It was thick and rough like a starfish arm. 406 00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:14,742 Oh, I'm so jealous. 407 00:16:14,742 --> 00:16:17,510 I'm just gonna go over there and punch her right in the nose. 408 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,155 Give her a knuckle sandwich. 409 00:16:20,155 --> 00:16:22,974 Come on, baby. You want some soup? 410 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:26,338 It happened! 411 00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:29,107 Do you have any... 412 00:16:29,107 --> 00:16:31,295 Split pea left? 413 00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:34,438 These are just a few of the many contributions 414 00:16:34,438 --> 00:16:36,668 He made to architecture and yet 415 00:16:36,668 --> 00:16:39,164 He is only remembered for one thing. 416 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,909 That my friends, is the sad legacy 417 00:16:41,909 --> 00:16:45,969 Of gregorio franchetti gazebo. 418 00:16:47,059 --> 00:16:48,452 Any questions? 419 00:16:48,452 --> 00:16:50,492 Hey, do you want to go out drinking with us tonight? 420 00:16:50,492 --> 00:16:51,192 What? 421 00:16:51,192 --> 00:16:52,103 Yeah, we're gonna play 422 00:16:52,103 --> 00:16:54,090 The robin scherbatsky drinking game. 423 00:16:54,090 --> 00:16:56,168 We were wondering if you wanted to join us. 424 00:16:56,168 --> 00:17:01,702 Well, what can I say except " But, ums up." 425 00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:05,253 Can I still come? 426 00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,884 I'll pay. Nice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 427 00:17:07,885 --> 00:17:09,252 Okay. 428 00:17:09,253 --> 00:17:13,221 So, your third book was your breakout novel but, um... 429 00:17:13,221 --> 00:17:15,081 But, um...! 430 00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:16,977 Damn! 431 00:17:16,977 --> 00:17:18,408 Sorry. 432 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:22,405 But-- just "But" No "Um, " Just "But." 433 00:17:22,405 --> 00:17:25,705 Your first novel was written more quickly. 434 00:17:25,705 --> 00:17:26,706 That's correct. 435 00:17:26,706 --> 00:17:29,173 But, um... all: but, um...! 436 00:17:30,329 --> 00:17:32,233 How great is this?! 437 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:36,225 And it was right then that robin got an idea 438 00:17:36,225 --> 00:17:38,546 That would end the drinking game forever. 439 00:17:38,546 --> 00:17:40,181 I wanted to ask you about 440 00:17:40,181 --> 00:17:42,232 The novel you're writing right now. 441 00:17:42,232 --> 00:17:43,879 But, um... all: but, um...! 442 00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:46,509 ...it's an idea you've had for a, but, um... 443 00:17:46,509 --> 00:17:47,566 But, um...! 444 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,253 ...long time, but, um...? 445 00:17:48,253 --> 00:17:50,028 But, um...! 446 00:17:50,887 --> 00:17:51,679 No... no, no, no. 447 00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,444 Don't drink, it's a trap! 448 00:17:53,444 --> 00:17:54,663 I think I'm gonna go. 449 00:17:54,663 --> 00:17:56,157 You can keep your ten bucks. 450 00:17:56,157 --> 00:17:58,875 Okay, but, um, thanks for being with us. 451 00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:01,316 But, um, if there's any college kids watching, 452 00:18:01,316 --> 00:18:04,310 But, um, but, um, but, um, but, um, but, um, 453 00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:06,356 We have to drink, professor. 454 00:18:06,356 --> 00:18:10,207 It's the rules. She said "But, um" 455 00:18:12,488 --> 00:18:15,215 But, um, but, um, but, um... god help us all. 456 00:18:16,882 --> 00:18:18,473 Here you are. 457 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,295 I'm so sorry I kissed you yesterday. 458 00:18:21,295 --> 00:18:22,128 That's okay. 459 00:18:22,128 --> 00:18:24,920 And I'm sorry I had sex with you in the mailroom. 460 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:25,957 That wasn't me. 461 00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:27,065 Oh, good grief, that's two 462 00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,479 Awkward conversations I have to have today. 463 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,370 I don't normally do that. 464 00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:33,219 I-I was really drunk. 465 00:18:33,219 --> 00:18:34,917 You were drunk at 8: 00 in the morning? 466 00:18:34,917 --> 00:18:36,817 Yeah, I don't know how that happened. 467 00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:39,368 Robin : I thought snail pellets were safe, but, um... 468 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,177 But, um...! 469 00:18:45,419 --> 00:18:47,442 I gotta get to work. 470 00:18:49,205 --> 00:18:51,225 Man, that game is really catching on. 471 00:18:51,225 --> 00:18:52,902 Damn it, how could I do this? 472 00:18:52,902 --> 00:18:53,964 It's okay. 473 00:18:53,964 --> 00:18:55,767 No, you know what, it's not okay. 474 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,803 You're the nicest guy in this stupid office 475 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,429 And I really don't want to screw up our friendship. 476 00:19:00,821 --> 00:19:01,813 This is so embarrassing. 477 00:19:01,813 --> 00:19:03,584 Please don't tell anyone. 478 00:19:03,584 --> 00:19:05,403 No, who am I gonna tell? 479 00:19:05,403 --> 00:19:06,707 Lily? 480 00:19:06,707 --> 00:19:08,105 I told lily. 481 00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,134 Oh, for pete's sake, well, I gotta go talk to her. 482 00:19:10,134 --> 00:19:11,198 I gotta apologize. 483 00:19:11,198 --> 00:19:12,792 No! No! Don't... yes. 484 00:19:12,792 --> 00:19:15,317 Marshall, I'm just gonna tell her that it happened, 485 00:19:15,317 --> 00:19:17,224 That it meant nothing and that I'm sorry. 486 00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:18,870 No, I... 487 00:19:20,614 --> 00:19:22,093 Yes. 488 00:19:22,481 --> 00:19:25,269 Yes. Do that. 489 00:19:25,269 --> 00:19:25,987 I will. 490 00:19:25,987 --> 00:19:27,769 Yeah, and if you don't have time for all that, 491 00:19:27,769 --> 00:19:30,909 Just tell her it happened, and that you're sorry. 492 00:19:30,909 --> 00:19:31,792 And if you're in a real rush, 493 00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:33,043 you don't even have to say, "I'm sorry"" 494 00:19:33,043 --> 00:19:34,517 Just tell her that it happened. 495 00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:37,275 That's the important part, that it actually happened. 496 00:19:37,275 --> 00:19:40,614 So emphasize that as much as you can. 497 00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:42,066 And so, lily, I guess 498 00:19:42,066 --> 00:19:44,355 What I'm saying is, it happened. 499 00:19:44,355 --> 00:19:47,727 I feel terrible about it, and I'm really sorry. 500 00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:50,952 Well... it happened. 501 00:19:50,952 --> 00:19:52,609 What are you going to do? 502 00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:53,843 It happened. 503 00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:57,147 Terrible! But like I said... 504 00:19:57,147 --> 00:19:58,103 It happened. 505 00:19:58,103 --> 00:19:59,470 Exactly, and I feel awful about it. 506 00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,536 And I'd hate myself if what I did 507 00:20:01,536 --> 00:20:05,148 Hurt you in any way or affected your relationship with marshall. 508 00:20:05,148 --> 00:20:06,427 Please forgive me. 509 00:20:07,526 --> 00:20:08,858 Kiss my husband?! 510 00:20:08,858 --> 00:20:10,777 My husband?! Nobody kisses 511 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,070 My future baby daddy but me! 512 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,741 Marshall, you're blocking the shot! 513 00:20:16,741 --> 00:20:17,910 Well, I... 514 00:20:17,910 --> 00:20:19,398 And, kids, your uncle marshall 515 00:20:19,398 --> 00:20:21,715 Never tried to make lily jealous again. 516 00:20:21,715 --> 00:20:23,339 That's good. 517 00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:34,156 Okay, we're just going to have a nice, low-key class today. 518 00:20:34,156 --> 00:20:35,884 Not a lot of talking. 519 00:20:36,988 --> 00:20:39,348 No loud noises. 520 00:20:41,133 --> 00:20:43,227 'sup guys? 521 00:20:43,227 --> 00:20:46,266 No, no, no, no. Please, just... just go away. 522 00:20:46,266 --> 00:20:49,348 I just wanted to drop by and say... 523 00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,422 Thanks for watching 524 00:20:52,422 --> 00:20:54,814 Come on, get up new york! 525 00:20:54,814 --> 00:20:57,115 Whoo! 526 00:21:01,158 --> 00:21:03,046 But, um...!