1
00:00:01,688 --> 00:00:03,789
Kids, everyone
has one or two moments

2
00:00:03,890 --> 00:00:05,891
when they make a huge,
crazy decision

3
00:00:05,959 --> 00:00:07,359
that changes their lives
forever.

4
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:09,795
This is the story of mine.

5
00:00:09,896 --> 00:00:12,164
It all started
with a visit from my mom

6
00:00:13,166 --> 00:00:18,070
and her longtime boyfriendry.

7
00:00:18,138 --> 00:00:19,571
Please don't.

8
00:00:19,572 --> 00:00:23,108
As a painter, slash,
songwriter, slash,

9
00:00:23,176 --> 00:00:27,946
volunteer fear-fighter,
I find her...

10
00:00:28,014 --> 00:00:29,948
Incredibly sexual.

11
00:00:30,050 --> 00:00:32,684
But you have
your own sexual memories

12
00:00:32,786 --> 00:00:34,319
with your mom, don't you?

13
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,821
Please don't.

14
00:00:35,822 --> 00:00:38,157
Exiting her womb,
receiving her milk.

15
00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:39,625
You get me?

16
00:00:39,626 --> 00:00:41,226
Good.

17
00:00:43,196 --> 00:00:44,696
It's okay.

18
00:00:44,697 --> 00:00:46,865
You don't have to settle.

19
00:00:46,933 --> 00:00:48,200
There are plenty of guys who...

20
00:00:48,201 --> 00:00:50,569
He is so cool!

21
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:53,105
And he picked me!

22
00:00:56,409 --> 00:00:58,143
Well, I'm, uh...

23
00:00:58,144 --> 00:00:59,778
I'm glad you're both so happy.

24
00:00:59,779 --> 00:01:04,016
Well, good, because we do
have an announcement...

25
00:01:04,117 --> 00:01:06,017
Son.

26
00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:11,339
Transcript by www.addic7ed.com

27
00:01:19,732 --> 00:01:22,067
And so my mom was lapping me.

28
00:01:22,135 --> 00:01:24,002
Getting married
for a second time

29
00:01:24,003 --> 00:01:26,205
before I was even married once.

30
00:01:26,272 --> 00:01:28,172
I was so happy for them.

31
00:01:28,575 --> 00:01:32,211
Re gonna meet at a wedding.

32
00:01:32,312 --> 00:01:34,713
And if you don't boil
those jam jars,

33
00:01:34,781 --> 00:01:40,652
it's just a welcome mat
for bacteria.

34
00:01:42,956 --> 00:01:44,857
Oh, congratulations!
Oh!

35
00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:46,925
We are so happy for you.

36
00:01:46,993 --> 00:01:49,361
I feel like I'm 19 again. Oh.

37
00:01:49,429 --> 00:01:51,329
It's like the last 35 years
of my life never happened.

38
00:01:52,966 --> 00:01:55,400
Son, to show that

39
00:01:55,502 --> 00:01:58,937
your mom and I will always
be there for you,

40
00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:02,541
I want you to have
this beautiful picture

41
00:02:02,609 --> 00:02:04,509
that I painted.

42
00:02:05,979 --> 00:02:08,547
Kids, there was no guitar.

43
00:02:08,648 --> 00:02:10,548
Excuse me, Ted.

44
00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:13,085
Best...
Wedding...

45
00:02:13,086 --> 00:02:14,586
Eh...

46
00:02:14,587 --> 00:02:17,389
Are being here with us.

47
00:02:17,457 --> 00:02:20,692
My entire life...

48
00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:24,196
Well, this life.

49
00:02:24,264 --> 00:02:25,998
I've waited for a muse

50
00:02:25,999 --> 00:02:28,000
like Virginia.

51
00:02:29,269 --> 00:02:32,037
Baby...

52
00:02:32,138 --> 00:02:34,806
This is your song.

53
00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:40,979
Oh, God...

54
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:45,083
* The blood pumps to my loins *

55
00:02:45,151 --> 00:02:48,954
* When I penetrate
her...*

56
00:02:49,022 --> 00:02:52,324
Kids, I swear to God, I blacked
out for the next 12 minutes.

57
00:02:52,392 --> 00:02:55,327
So I have no idea how the song
got to this ending.

58
00:02:55,428 --> 00:02:57,496
* And Mahatma Gandhi *

59
00:02:57,597 --> 00:03:00,465
* And the pancakes *

60
00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:03,235
Everyone!
* And the dragon *

61
00:03:05,638 --> 00:03:07,538
* And you *

62
00:03:08,508 --> 00:03:10,075
Guys!

63
00:03:10,076 --> 00:03:11,610
Guys! Guess what

64
00:03:11,611 --> 00:03:13,779
Robin just did.

65
00:03:13,846 --> 00:03:15,881
* Red and true...*

66
00:03:15,982 --> 00:03:20,185
Are you crying?

67
00:03:20,253 --> 00:03:21,920
I know it's stupid, but...

68
00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:27,092
Everyone!
* And the dragon...*

69
00:03:27,193 --> 00:03:29,093
They're happy, you know?

70
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:32,731
Guys! Guys!

71
00:03:32,799 --> 00:03:34,866
Guess what Robin just did.

72
00:03:34,968 --> 00:03:38,971
And then, I told you guys
what Robin just did,

73
00:03:39,038 --> 00:03:41,340
but you were there for that.

74
00:03:41,407 --> 00:03:43,342
I gotta tell the rest
of the wedding.

75
00:03:43,409 --> 00:03:45,877
Aunt Meredith!

76
00:03:45,945 --> 00:03:48,680
Kids, I can't overstate

77
00:03:48,781 --> 00:03:50,882
how horrible it is
to be the single guy

78
00:03:50,984 --> 00:03:52,918
at your own mother's
second wedding.

79
00:03:54,153 --> 00:03:56,321
So, Ted, When's your wedding?

80
00:03:56,389 --> 00:03:57,923
When's your wedding?

81
00:03:57,924 --> 00:04:00,993
Robin cried at Clint's song.

82
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,794
Oh, I told you already.

83
00:04:02,795 --> 00:04:05,230
Ted's hot sister, Heather!

84
00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:07,232
I have to leave.

85
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,935
Wait, Ted.
What about your toast?

86
00:04:10,003 --> 00:04:11,403
Make up some emergency
or something.

87
00:04:11,404 --> 00:04:13,372
I just... I-I can't handle this.

88
00:04:13,439 --> 00:04:14,973
Ted, Ted, where are you going?

89
00:04:14,974 --> 00:04:16,874
It's your mother's wedding!

90
00:04:17,143 --> 00:04:19,043
She's pouring.

91
00:04:19,078 --> 00:04:22,547
And my friends didn't see me
for the next 72 hours.

92
00:04:22,615 --> 00:04:24,383
Seriously, is Ted okay?

93
00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:27,219
I mean, I know it was
a rough weekend, but...

94
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,255
This radio silence
is weird. I know.

95
00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:31,723
His mom's called, like,
five times

96
00:04:31,724 --> 00:04:34,092
asking where he disappeared to.

97
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,595
Sorry, Robin.
They're all out of pretzels.

98
00:04:36,696 --> 00:04:38,697
And I know how
emotional you get.

99
00:04:41,367 --> 00:04:42,868
Let it go.
Okay!

100
00:04:42,869 --> 00:04:44,269
Shh...
Okay, I...

101
00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:46,238
I cried at Clint's song.

102
00:04:46,306 --> 00:04:48,040
She cried at Clint's song.

103
00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:50,575
Hey, guys.
Ted, where have

104
00:04:50,643 --> 00:04:52,711
you been?
Are you okay?

105
00:04:52,812 --> 00:04:55,480
Oh, I'm better than okay.
I am on top of the world.

106
00:04:55,581 --> 00:04:57,382
Come on.
We're going for a ride!

107
00:04:59,919 --> 00:05:01,819
Hey, buddy,
do you want to, maybe,

108
00:05:02,055 --> 00:05:04,589
Are we going?

109
00:05:04,657 --> 00:05:07,059
First, let me tell you
what happened

110
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,061
the night of the wedding.

111
00:05:09,162 --> 00:05:11,063
Watching my mom get married,

112
00:05:11,164 --> 00:05:14,032
I realized how far behind
I was in my own life.

113
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,468
I just had to get out of there.

114
00:05:16,569 --> 00:05:19,237
So I went back to my hotel room
and got onto this Web site

115
00:05:19,305 --> 00:05:21,573
I sometimes visit
when I can't sleep...

116
00:05:21,641 --> 00:05:23,909
Oh! Oh! Oh-oh! Ted,
come on. Oh, God. T.M.I.

117
00:05:24,010 --> 00:05:25,910
We do not want to know

118
00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:32,751
I went to my favorite
real estate auction site-

119
00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:34,286
come on, we've all got one-

120
00:05:34,287 --> 00:05:37,089
scrolled through
a few properties and...

121
00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:39,658
Guys...

122
00:05:39,726 --> 00:05:42,594
I just bought my dream house.

123
00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,150
What do you mean
you bought this house?

124
00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:52,886
I mean, I made a bid online.

125
00:05:52,887 --> 00:05:55,422
I won the auction the next day
and I got approval.

126
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:58,291
I just finalized the paperwork.

127
00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:01,628
And was the Blair Witch
easy to deal withabout that.

128
00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:04,097
So, I'm thinking this room
will be the study.

129
00:06:04,165 --> 00:06:05,899
You know, a place just for Dad.

130
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,534
I mean, the kids
are welcome in here

131
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,036
if they're reading
a book, but no toys.

132
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:11,905
It's not a question
of withholding love.

133
00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:13,740
It's a question
of drawing boundaries.

134
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,641
Whoa.

135
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,177
Ted, this is insane.

136
00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:19,078
This is going to take years

137
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,114
and a small fortune
to make livable.

138
00:06:23,184 --> 00:06:25,118
The ol' wifey and I
are ready to move in.

139
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:32,192
Is she in the room
with us right now, Ted?

140
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:36,796
Okay, okay, I know
I haven't found Mrs. Mosby yet,

141
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,132
but I will, knock on wood.

142
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,935
Careful, buddy.

143
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,970
Ted, you can't just

144
00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:45,205
skip ahead to where you think
your life should be.

145
00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:47,874
Ever done.

146
00:06:47,942 --> 00:06:51,211
Stupidest thing any of us has
ever done. Okay, all right.

147
00:06:51,312 --> 00:06:53,212
Let's lay off Ted,
all right? Thank you.

148
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:55,215
We've all done some
stupid things in our lives.

149
00:06:55,316 --> 00:06:57,384
For example, I remember a time

150
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,919
when I dropped some
bottle rockets in the toilet,

151
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:03,723
and I tried to dry them
off in the microwave.

152
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,159
God, you must have been
drunk off your ass.

153
00:07:06,227 --> 00:07:08,127
No, too stupid to be an adult.

154
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,399
Great new game:

155
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,667
"Drunk or Kid."
Which one was I?

156
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,336
Lock in your guesses.

157
00:07:16,337 --> 00:07:17,437
Drunk. Drunk. Kid.

158
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,272
Kid.
Drumroll, please.

159
00:07:24,078 --> 00:07:27,480
I was...

160
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:37,557
I'm referencing the time

161
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:40,593
she cried at Clint's song.

162
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,028
And even though

163
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,797
I'm whispering,

164
00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:45,832
I actually hope she hears me.

165
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,902
It wasn't me!
What?

166
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:52,105
I'm not the one who cried
at Clint's song.

167
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:58,178
I know it's stupid, but...
Everyone!

168
00:07:58,279 --> 00:08:02,582
* And the dragon...*

169
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,118
They're just happy, you know?

170
00:08:05,186 --> 00:08:08,588
Not as happy as I am.

171
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,791
I will give you $500 if this just
happened to you instead of me.

172
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,893
500 bucks? Deal.

173
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,861
Thank you, Robin.

174
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,399
Guys! Guys! Guess what

175
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,400
Robin just did.

176
00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:23,736
Wait, you guys are...

177
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:27,173
Hi, I'm here
for the inspection.

178
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:30,310
Oh, great! I was worried
you weren't coming.

179
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,945
I was actually here
a few minutes ago,

180
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,379
but I guess the doorbell
doesn't work.

181
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,349
Hmm.
Oh, hey!

182
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,317
Doorbell does not work.

183
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,255
Inspected now?

184
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:43,656
Well, yeah.

185
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,091
Okay! All right!

186
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,794
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

187
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,597
All right, let's all remember
that we've all done

188
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,598
some stupid things
in our lives, okay?

189
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,368
For example, I once
tried to ride my bike down

190
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:58,071
an extension ladder from
the roof of a two-story house.

191
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,540
The only looming question is

192
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,510
Drunk! Kid! Kid! Drunk!

193
00:09:03,511 --> 00:09:05,411
Drumroll, please.

194
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,216
I was...

195
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,118
Marshall's dead!

196
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,387
Marshall's dead!

197
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,793
Moms, right?

198
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,662
Just always making a big deal

199
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,664
uh?

200
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:27,033
Come on.

201
00:09:27,101 --> 00:09:28,902
I'm going to put
a grill out here.

202
00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:30,637
Every Sunday, right here,

203
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,839
it's going to be
a total sausage fest.

204
00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:35,475
Hmm...
Sausage party?

205
00:09:35,543 --> 00:09:37,911
Burgers, we'll do burgers.

206
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,412
Ted, stop it.

207
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:40,914
You can't keep this house.

208
00:09:40,915 --> 00:09:42,682
It's a huge mistake.

209
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,583
Lily, listen to me.

210
00:09:46,487 --> 00:09:48,254
About the whole
wife and kids part.

211
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,856
So, what's the one
thing I can control?

212
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,759
The house. I bought it.

213
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,594
It's not a huge mistake.

214
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,763
Exactly. Now, me

215
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:59,799
driving my brother's car
the wrong way down I-94,

216
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:03,469
that was a huge mistake.

217
00:10:03,571 --> 00:10:05,538
Drunk! Kid! Kid! Kid!

218
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,506
I was...

219
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,843
Yes!

220
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,681
Wow, Barney.

221
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,983
Did you cry on that
guy or something?

222
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,052
You got leaky pipes.

223
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,887
But the bright side:

224
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,922
The pond in your basement
is drowning

225
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,024
some of the larger,
slower rats.

226
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,329
The rest of them, well...
they're headed this way.

227
00:10:30,364 --> 00:10:31,931
Ways

228
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,967
find problems with any decision,

229
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,934
but you can't
let that stop you.

230
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,371
Freshman year,
Marshall knew right away

231
00:10:38,439 --> 00:10:40,206
he wanted to spend
his life with you.

232
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,676
What if someone had been there
to second-guess that decision?

233
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,380
Bye.

234
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,251
I know we've only been
on two dates,

235
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,127
We got some
structural issues here.

236
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:04,230
These hips are not
Eriksen baby-compliant.

237
00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:05,665
And this thing

238
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:09,035
right here does not have
a proper filter.

239
00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:12,138
That's a maintenance issue
that's never going to go away.

240
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,474
And I know you think that you

241
00:11:15,476 --> 00:11:17,477
like this Gothic exterior ethin?

242
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,213
I'd recommend

243
00:11:20,214 --> 00:11:23,016
you look
into the rental option.

244
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,618
But Marshall took
that leap of faith,

245
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,586
and it's the best thing
that ever happened to you both.

246
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,992
It was Robin!

247
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,927
"What?!"

248
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:37,230
Yes, it was Robin
who cried at Clint's song!

249
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,435
Listen, Barney,

250
00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:45,571
I can't stand all these jokes
about me crying.

251
00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:47,674
If I pretend to reveal

252
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,009
that you were the one who cried,
will you go along with it?

253
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,178
Sure.

254
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,249
I made a mistake
letting you go, didn't I?

255
00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:00,653
Your penis is enormous.

256
00:12:03,424 --> 00:12:05,425
All right, good news.

257
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,493
Think we'll be out
of here early. Really?

258
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:10,797
Yep, I finished downstairs
and the outside. Okay.

259
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,833
Now, I could keep looking
and see what else I can find

260
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:17,103
besides the black mold,
the damaged retaining wall,

261
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,871
the frayed electrical wires,

262
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,907
the lead paint,
the water damage,

263
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,775
the fire damage,
the sun damage,

264
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,876
the broken furnace,
the rotted floorboards...

265
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,678
The bats, the rats,

266
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:27,547
the spiders,
the raccoons, the hobo,

267
00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:29,449
the detached gutter,

268
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,151
the outdated fuse box and
the paint job in the kitchen,

269
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,454
which is fine, but the trim

270
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,489
really clashes
with the countertops.

271
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:38,691
Or I could just recommend

272
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,860
that you do not buy
this godforsaken

273
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,063
Guantanamo Bay of a house,
and suggest that we all

274
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,031
get our asses out of here
before a medium-sized wind

275
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,701
lears throat)

276
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,870
What if I already
bought the sum'bitch?

277
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:57,376
I- I will check out the upstairs.

278
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,554
Did he say he found a hobo?

279
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,394
I see a swing
on that tree outside.

280
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,064
I- I see a wreath
on the front door at Christmas.

281
00:13:18,132 --> 00:13:19,599
I see a grill

282
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,567
out on that patio

283
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:25,004
where I'll be barbecuing
every weekend.

284
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:29,475
I see a life that I know
I can have here.

285
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,217
Found termites.

286
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:47,696
Hey, well, the good news is

287
00:13:47,797 --> 00:13:49,898
the inspector killed
some roaches on impact.

288
00:13:52,468 --> 00:13:55,003
Just wanted to make sure
the report is thorough.

289
00:13:56,339 --> 00:13:59,708
You were right.

290
00:13:59,809 --> 00:14:03,245
This was a huge mistake.
It's just...

291
00:14:03,313 --> 00:14:06,048
Everyone's moving on but me.

292
00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:08,483
You guys got a place years ago;

293
00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:10,052
Robin's getting serious
with Don.

294
00:14:10,053 --> 00:14:11,820
Barney...

295
00:14:11,821 --> 00:14:13,721
Maybe that's a new tie?

296
00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:16,191
I... I'm exactly

297
00:14:16,192 --> 00:14:19,027
where I was five years ago.
I'm sick of it.

298
00:14:19,095 --> 00:14:23,665
I'm, I'm ready for the life
that fits into this house.

299
00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:27,803
It's all right, buddy.

300
00:14:27,870 --> 00:14:32,908
Sometimes people make
the wrong decisions in life.

301
00:14:33,009 --> 00:14:35,177
Like your mother.

302
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,716
Very, very fond of your mother.

303
00:14:40,817 --> 00:14:42,050
Please don't.

304
00:14:42,051 --> 00:14:44,386
In fact, Virginia and I

305
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:49,458
shared a special moment
back in 2006 B.C.-

306
00:14:49,525 --> 00:14:52,294
Before Clint.

307
00:14:52,395 --> 00:14:54,296
What the hell are
you talking about?

308
00:14:54,397 --> 00:14:57,332
I wanted to be your dad!

309
00:15:01,037 --> 00:15:03,772
Because that bastard
took her away from me.

310
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,442
And now, all I'm left with...

311
00:15:07,510 --> 00:15:11,813
Is the memory of dropping
her off at the airport.

312
00:15:13,816 --> 00:15:16,251
And that's how you
got the brooch?

313
00:15:16,352 --> 00:15:19,755
Unbelievable.

314
00:15:19,822 --> 00:15:21,722
You...

315
00:15:23,893 --> 00:15:26,361
Here we are.

316
00:15:29,165 --> 00:15:31,065
We made good time...
Not a lot of traffic...

317
00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:38,573
Oh, I love this song.

318
00:15:38,574 --> 00:15:39,975
Do you?
Hmm.

319
00:15:39,976 --> 00:15:41,576
I can...

320
00:15:41,577 --> 00:15:43,612
* Way up firm and high...*

321
00:15:48,851 --> 00:15:50,318
I...

322
00:15:50,319 --> 00:15:52,454
Should really...

323
00:15:52,555 --> 00:15:54,455
I sh...

324
00:15:58,361 --> 00:16:02,731
* Workin' on our night moves *

325
00:16:02,799 --> 00:16:07,703
* Tryin' to make some
front-page drivin' news *

326
00:16:07,770 --> 00:16:09,971
* Workin' on our night moves *

327
00:16:11,974 --> 00:16:13,842
Again?!

328
00:16:13,843 --> 00:16:15,777
Always one too far!
Okay, all right.

329
00:16:15,878 --> 00:16:17,379
Fine, that last part I made up,

330
00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:19,681
but the rest of it,
I swear it was true.

331
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:22,284
Come on, dude.
Your mom is a cougar.

332
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:25,020
Wait, I thought you said
a cougar can't be over 50.

333
00:16:25,121 --> 00:16:28,056
Okay, she's a Mellencamp.

334
00:16:29,559 --> 00:16:31,159
Guys, I am screwed.

335
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,228
I mean, the best
I can do is level this place

336
00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:35,229
and sell the property
for a huge loss.

337
00:16:36,466 --> 00:16:38,467
You just have to live with it.

338
00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:41,803
But how often
do you get the chance

339
00:16:41,904 --> 00:16:44,072
to pick up a sledgehammer

340
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:47,109
and bash the living hell
out of it?

341
00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,054
This is stupid.

342
00:16:59,055 --> 00:17:00,955
Your mom and I got
to second base.

343
00:17:04,527 --> 00:17:07,062
* I'll light the fire *

344
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:12,868
* You place the flowers
in the vase *

345
00:17:12,935 --> 00:17:17,472
* That you bought today *

346
00:17:25,414 --> 00:17:27,048
Thanks, Lily.

347
00:17:27,049 --> 00:17:28,949
That felt fantastic.

348
00:17:29,852 --> 00:17:32,287
To Ted Mosby-
homeowner,

349
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:36,491
friend, and if he can
rent it out, slumlord.

350
00:17:41,063 --> 00:17:42,963
There's, uh...

351
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:49,604
He was our ride.

352
00:17:56,445 --> 00:17:58,847
Hi.

353
00:17:58,915 --> 00:18:01,950
Ted, what are you doing here?

354
00:18:02,051 --> 00:18:04,619
I never got to give
you guys your toast.

355
00:18:04,687 --> 00:18:06,587
I was selfish

356
00:18:09,826 --> 00:18:11,726
"How bout a hand for the deejay?

357
00:18:11,794 --> 00:18:14,462
Gesture to dee..."

358
00:18:14,564 --> 00:18:16,464
I'll skip down.

359
00:18:17,433 --> 00:18:19,201
"Mom, I love you,

360
00:18:19,202 --> 00:18:23,305
"and I've never seen you
as happy as you are with Clint.

361
00:18:23,372 --> 00:18:25,140
"And, Clint,

362
00:18:25,141 --> 00:18:27,041
welcome to the family."

363
00:18:28,244 --> 00:18:30,144
"What you two have
is what I one day hope to find."

364
00:18:31,581 --> 00:18:33,815
I love you, guys.

365
00:18:35,585 --> 00:18:39,221
Ted...

366
00:18:39,322 --> 00:18:43,558
I am so...

367
00:18:43,626 --> 00:18:45,894
Baked right now.

368
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:49,231
I'm only 60% sure

369
00:18:49,232 --> 00:18:51,499
you're actually
standing in front of me.

370
00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,134
But if you are, I love you.

371
00:19:11,988 --> 00:19:14,823
There was no logical reason
why my mother

372
00:19:14,891 --> 00:19:16,791
should be with a guy like that.

373
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,928
Your grandma ever made.

374
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,035
Sometimes our best decisions
are the ones

375
00:19:27,136 --> 00:19:29,036
that don't make
any sense at all.

376
00:19:40,182 --> 00:19:42,384
Robin told me.

377
00:19:43,786 --> 00:19:45,654
Happy housewarming.

378
00:19:45,655 --> 00:19:49,257
But I-I, I told you
the last time I saw you

379
00:19:49,325 --> 00:19:51,059
I'm selling the place.

380
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:52,960
I know what you said.

381
00:19:54,864 --> 00:19:57,766
I also know my best
friend, Ted Mosby.

382
00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:59,968
Look...

383
00:20:03,239 --> 00:20:05,507
You haven't listened to me
a single damn time.

384
00:20:08,911 --> 00:20:11,579
Your heart is both
drunk and a kid.

385
00:20:18,087 --> 00:20:19,754
Thanks for sticking up
for me, man.

386
00:20:19,755 --> 00:20:22,023
That's what I do.

387
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:26,360
Yeah.

388
00:20:27,863 --> 00:20:30,165
And, kids, Marshall was right.

389
00:20:30,266 --> 00:20:32,467
I didn't give up
on my dream house

390
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:35,270
because that's the thing
about stupid decisions:

391
00:20:35,338 --> 00:20:37,138
We all make them.

392
00:20:37,139 --> 00:20:39,207
But time is funny.

393
00:20:40,609 --> 00:20:42,310
* Our house... *

394
00:20:42,311 --> 00:20:43,812
And sometimes a little magic...

395
00:20:43,813 --> 00:20:46,414
* Is a very, very,
very fine house *

396
00:20:46,482 --> 00:20:47,816
It can take
a stupid decision...

397
00:20:47,817 --> 00:20:49,684
* With two cats in the yard *

398
00:20:49,685 --> 00:20:51,619
...and turn it
into something else entirely.

399
00:20:51,687 --> 00:20:54,322
* ...be so hard *
Because, kids,

400
00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:56,858
as you know...
* Now everything is easy...*

401
00:20:56,926 --> 00:21:00,662
that house is this house.

402
00:21:00,663 --> 00:21:05,706
Www.addic7ed.com