1
00:00:01,420 --> 00:00:04,472
Kids, your aunt Robin had only
been dating Don a short while,
2
00:00:04,718 --> 00:00:06,538
But one evening, out of nowhere...
3
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:08,414
- Robin? - Mm?
- Do you wanna move in?
4
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,054
Well, um it it... it's...
5
00:00:12,115 --> 00:00:13,779
Kind of soon, but...
6
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,113
Sure, I would consider...
7
00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:18,292
moving in here, just let me think about it.
8
00:00:19,015 --> 00:00:21,611
No, I meant do you want to move in
on the couch so I can sit down.
9
00:00:22,673 --> 00:00:25,106
Yeah, that's what I meant too,
10
00:00:25,352 --> 00:00:28,149
- Like I said, just let me think about it.
- Ok.
11
00:00:31,747 --> 00:00:33,578
- Yeah, I'm OK with that.
- Okay.
12
00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:38,963
But, now that you mentioned it...
13
00:00:40,114 --> 00:00:41,414
Do you wanna move in?
14
00:00:42,355 --> 00:00:43,750
So what did you say?
15
00:00:44,191 --> 00:00:47,004
- I'm considering it.
- You're considering it?
16
00:00:47,124 --> 00:00:48,521
- Yeah.
- You barely know him.
17
00:00:48,781 --> 00:00:51,190
Plus the guy is a loser
with a dead end job.
18
00:00:51,228 --> 00:00:54,946
- We have the same job, Barney.
- And we couldn't be prouder of you, angel.
19
00:00:56,226 --> 00:00:58,738
- Oh, sweetie, this does seem kind of fast.
- I know.
20
00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:01,063
- Well, maybe you're right.
- Well, I think you should move in with him.
21
00:01:01,296 --> 00:01:02,281
- You do?
- Yeah.
22
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:03,388
Yeah, I mean I...
23
00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:06,089
I see how happy you are and
as much as I love you as roommate,
24
00:01:06,408 --> 00:01:08,048
I want you to do what's right for you.
25
00:01:09,661 --> 00:01:12,046
Are you trying to kick me out
because of the milk thing?
26
00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:13,118
It's really annoying.
27
00:01:18,032 --> 00:01:19,317
Robin?
28
00:01:31,464 --> 00:01:32,407
No...
29
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:37,482
I have a system. I put the empty carton
back in the fridge to remind us to buy milk.
30
00:01:37,602 --> 00:01:41,272
Ok, why don't you leave a full carton
to remind us we don't have to buy milk?
31
00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:42,661
Alright, alright.
32
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,440
As your ex...
33
00:01:44,486 --> 00:01:46,410
Before you jump in to anything,
34
00:01:46,611 --> 00:01:47,690
I need to meet this guy.
35
00:01:47,762 --> 00:01:50,059
I think it's kind of weird
I haven't met him yet.
36
00:01:50,179 --> 00:01:54,173
Totally weird, it's almost like someone
carefully orchestrated that way on purpose.
37
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,654
Fine, but you have to promise to be
on your best behavior.
38
00:01:59,689 --> 00:02:01,144
I promise.
39
00:02:01,264 --> 00:02:03,854
So I'm banging this Portuguese
contortionist...
40
00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,008
And I swear...
41
00:02:05,128 --> 00:02:09,432
She is so flexible, at one point she was
on top of me and underneath me
42
00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:11,060
On top and down low!
43
00:02:13,862 --> 00:02:15,858
- Who needs? Who needs?
- I'm good.
44
00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:19,049
- And that would be Barney,
- He means well.
45
00:02:19,328 --> 00:02:20,654
Well actually, I'm not sure that's true.
46
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,062
Well, I think he's awesome.
47
00:02:22,527 --> 00:02:26,521
But I'd feel bad for any woman with a kinda low
self esteem to actually date a guy like that.
48
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:31,335
And that's when I realized Robin
never told Don she had dated Barney.
49
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,266
I like you, Don.
50
00:02:33,704 --> 00:02:37,189
We both love a good scotch, we
both enjoy my compelling stories
51
00:02:37,309 --> 00:02:38,836
And we both dated Robin.
52
00:02:39,533 --> 00:02:40,858
Now he knew.
53
00:02:41,191 --> 00:02:51,644
Synced and transcripted by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:57,136 --> 00:02:59,153
So Barney's your ex and
you still hang out with him?
55
00:02:59,673 --> 00:03:01,261
I gotta say I'm a little
uncomfortable with that.
56
00:03:01,308 --> 00:03:04,074
Oh, don't be, it's like we never dated.
57
00:03:04,522 --> 00:03:07,292
Long story short, this exchange students arms gave out
58
00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:09,165
And we both fell *** over sex swing.
59
00:03:09,895 --> 00:03:13,433
Seriously, I have never been able to find
a girl who can do that position since Robin.
60
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:19,241
Hey, Lily, Marshall, how was your
weekend away or any other topic?
61
00:03:19,361 --> 00:03:21,045
- Awful.
- Terrible.
62
00:03:21,396 --> 00:03:25,332
Twin beds? I can't sleep in separate beds.
63
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,068
We should go complain.
64
00:03:27,328 --> 00:03:30,664
Yeah, you're right, I'm gonna march
down there and demand another room.
65
00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:32,441
Yeah, I'll go with you and...
66
00:03:32,741 --> 00:03:34,872
Just a sec...
67
00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:39,123
House keeping!
68
00:03:40,599 --> 00:03:43,297
Could you come back a little later?
We're taking a little cat nap.
69
00:03:43,688 --> 00:03:44,990
It's time to check out.
70
00:03:48,455 --> 00:03:49,990
We slept for 18 hours.
71
00:03:50,018 --> 00:03:53,119
- We missed 3 prepaid meals.
- I lost 11 pounds.
72
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,676
Hey, Ted, you think it's weird that
Robin is still friends with Barney?
73
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,995
I think it's weird that we're all
still friends with Barney.
74
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:02,520
I just don't know how to feel about her
hanging out with one of her exes all the time.
75
00:04:02,794 --> 00:04:07,212
And that's when I realized Robin had failed
to tell Don about another one of her exes.
76
00:04:07,446 --> 00:04:08,369
Me.
77
00:04:09,085 --> 00:04:13,292
No, hanging out with one ex
is fine, even 2 I'd give a pass.
78
00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:15,592
Hell, 2 might be even better than one.
79
00:04:16,592 --> 00:04:17,822
For some reason.
80
00:04:18,123 --> 00:04:20,637
Yeah, but if you were dating someone
and he hung out with one of his exes...
81
00:04:20,665 --> 00:04:21,478
Wait, I'm sorry.
82
00:04:22,155 --> 00:04:24,697
- He?
- Yeah, he was friends with one of his exes.
83
00:04:24,734 --> 00:04:26,432
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
84
00:04:26,693 --> 00:04:29,624
- Do you think I'm gay?
- Well...
85
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:33,172
- Yeah.
- Why would you assume that?
86
00:04:34,368 --> 00:04:37,361
- Hey.
- Hey, your calligraphy teacher called...
87
00:04:37,481 --> 00:04:39,658
- And?
- And your ink is in.
88
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:40,679
Yes.
89
00:04:42,702 --> 00:04:46,460
Hey, guys, just wanna make sure
Project Runway is recording.
90
00:04:47,571 --> 00:04:49,491
Did the Jets get new costumes?
91
00:04:51,060 --> 00:04:54,230
Well, I guess we won't be having
creme brulee tonight,
92
00:04:54,302 --> 00:04:56,586
My browning torch is broken.
93
00:04:59,272 --> 00:05:02,046
You know, when I heard your roommate was
a single guy, I was a little jealous,
94
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,542
But now that I know that he's gay...
95
00:05:03,662 --> 00:05:05,950
- I'm OK.
- Oh, but Ted's not....
96
00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,767
But we still got home made lady fingers
97
00:05:07,795 --> 00:05:09,551
And piping hot dog chilling(?)
98
00:05:09,671 --> 00:05:10,586
Thank you.
99
00:05:12,076 --> 00:05:15,111
- Ted's not what?
- Ted's not gonna be around a lot.
100
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,448
He's following Cher on tour.
101
00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:21,842
Hey, don't get me wrong, Cher puts on
a hell of a show.
102
00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:23,243
But I am not gay.
103
00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:25,703
Hey, Lily, be honest.
104
00:05:25,736 --> 00:05:28,455
Is it weird that Robin hangs out
with one of her exes all the time?
105
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:31,476
Well Ted and Robin broke up years ago.
It's a non issue.
106
00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:32,872
- Ted?
- And Robin?
107
00:05:32,992 --> 00:05:35,620
Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donnie?
108
00:05:35,671 --> 00:05:37,827
- An Appletini for the gentleman.
- Thank you.
109
00:05:38,792 --> 00:05:40,180
You dated Ted, too?
110
00:05:41,054 --> 00:05:43,214
Robin, of the four people you consider
your best friends in New York,
111
00:05:43,269 --> 00:05:45,506
- you've slept with 50 percent of them.
- Don...
112
00:05:45,626 --> 00:05:46,778
They're just my friends.
113
00:05:46,817 --> 00:05:48,254
Yes, but they're also your exes.
114
00:05:48,539 --> 00:05:49,682
And you live with one of them.
115
00:05:50,846 --> 00:05:53,538
Look, I'm sorry. I gotta, I gotta think
about all this,
116
00:06:00,363 --> 00:06:01,486
My God!
117
00:06:01,606 --> 00:06:03,602
She's 1000 degrees.
118
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,213
It's like putting my leg against
a tail pipe.
119
00:06:09,885 --> 00:06:10,897
Ow!
120
00:06:11,017 --> 00:06:13,015
He's toe nails are like daggers.
121
00:06:17,018 --> 00:06:18,426
I'd love a sandwich.
122
00:06:18,785 --> 00:06:20,462
But no eating in bed.
123
00:06:20,982 --> 00:06:22,437
Stupid rule!
124
00:06:22,724 --> 00:06:24,337
We have ants one time...
125
00:06:28,109 --> 00:06:30,607
Great! And now he's falling asleep.
126
00:06:30,727 --> 00:06:32,811
Cue the river of drool.
127
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,120
My knee itches.
128
00:06:38,526 --> 00:06:41,264
Just one little scratch.
129
00:06:44,907 --> 00:06:46,758
Marshall!
130
00:06:48,092 --> 00:06:51,506
- You think we should get separate beds?
- Yes, a mini fridge.
131
00:06:51,752 --> 00:06:53,091
And separate beds.
132
00:06:53,211 --> 00:06:54,140
Deal!
133
00:06:55,643 --> 00:06:57,365
- Don!
- Hi.
134
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,396
I came to apologize to all of you.
135
00:06:59,516 --> 00:07:00,940
I overreacted.
136
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:03,612
Well, we.. Owe you an apology too, Don.
137
00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:05,679
We've said some pretty hurtful things.
138
00:07:05,799 --> 00:07:08,267
- No, you didn't.
- Right, that was after you left.
139
00:07:09,356 --> 00:07:12,131
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth
in the first place.
140
00:07:12,179 --> 00:07:15,076
No, I acted like a total drama queen.
That's not offensive, right?
141
00:07:15,196 --> 00:07:16,237
Still not gay.
142
00:07:16,357 --> 00:07:20,045
Sorry. The point is you both are clearly
very important to Robin
143
00:07:20,101 --> 00:07:22,334
So why don't we all have dinner
tomorrow night at my place?
144
00:07:22,454 --> 00:07:25,861
- Oh, that's great.
- Looking forward to it, buddy.
145
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,645
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
146
00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:31,438
- Should we go?
- Yeah, see you guys! - Bye.
147
00:07:33,065 --> 00:07:34,609
- Ted.
- Yeah.
148
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,385
I must have Robin back.
149
00:07:43,102 --> 00:07:44,866
- You're kidding, right?
- No.
150
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:48,296
I don't know what it is,
but I want Robin back.
151
00:07:48,416 --> 00:07:50,606
I know what it is... You're like...
152
00:07:50,726 --> 00:07:52,813
a little kid who throws a toy away
153
00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:55,299
And then wants it back the second
another kid starts playing with it.
154
00:07:55,323 --> 00:07:56,951
Well maybe I wasn't done playing with it.
155
00:07:57,378 --> 00:08:00,517
Maybe I just set it down cause I wanted
to play with another stuff for a second.
156
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,421
Okay. You're ready.
157
00:08:03,997 --> 00:08:05,150
Ready for what?
158
00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:06,924
To read the letter.
159
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,236
Kids...
160
00:08:08,294 --> 00:08:10,020
The letter was a device I'd invented
161
00:08:10,047 --> 00:08:12,418
To remind myself why I'd broken up
with somebody.
162
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:14,117
I've been doing it for years.
163
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,962
Dear future Ted,
164
00:08:16,659 --> 00:08:20,126
Never get back with Karen
because she's a pretentious snob.
165
00:08:20,602 --> 00:08:22,693
Oh, also she cheated on you.
166
00:08:23,195 --> 00:08:24,971
I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
167
00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:29,291
See? We're already laughing about it.
168
00:08:30,498 --> 00:08:32,070
Dear future Ted,
169
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:33,998
Stay away from Natalie.
170
00:08:34,338 --> 00:08:36,032
Or any girl who can pin you to the ground
171
00:08:36,055 --> 00:08:38,200
and beat you senseless
in front of a cheering crowd.
172
00:08:39,054 --> 00:08:40,325
P.S.
173
00:08:40,791 --> 00:08:44,494
Please consult a therapist about
why that turned you on a little bit.
174
00:08:46,305 --> 00:08:48,897
Dear relationship genius
175
00:08:49,608 --> 00:08:51,453
Stella left you at the altar,
176
00:08:52,136 --> 00:08:53,721
You may never love again.
177
00:08:54,607 --> 00:08:56,342
And you'll probably die alone.
178
00:08:58,953 --> 00:08:59,814
Huh.
179
00:09:00,566 --> 00:09:02,725
It doesn't look so sad written
in calligraphy.
180
00:09:04,350 --> 00:09:07,083
So when Barney and Robin broke up
the previous fall...
181
00:09:07,109 --> 00:09:08,903
Dating Robin was a huge mistake.
182
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:09,961
Write that down.
183
00:09:10,567 --> 00:09:10,990
What?
184
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:12,690
Write yourself a letter.
185
00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:14,662
That way, when you miss Robin,
186
00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:17,259
And you will, you can remind yourself
why you broke up.
187
00:09:17,379 --> 00:09:18,571
- Gladly.
- Mhm.
188
00:09:19,323 --> 00:09:23,108
- Dear... future... Barney...
- Uuh.
189
00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:25,363
This ink is cool.
190
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:26,989
Right? Right?
191
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:28,561
You....
192
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,245
and Robin were a terrible couple.
193
00:09:31,773 --> 00:09:33,237
You just didn't work.
194
00:09:33,550 --> 00:09:35,272
Sure, you'll always love Robin,
195
00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:36,653
But remember other women...
196
00:09:36,773 --> 00:09:38,174
More importantly...
197
00:09:38,294 --> 00:09:39,965
remember other boobs,
198
00:09:40,696 --> 00:09:43,252
and all that cool stuff
you can do with boobs...
199
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:47,648
Nozzle, juggle, honka, honka...
200
00:09:48,243 --> 00:09:50,782
I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.
201
00:09:52,421 --> 00:09:55,141
And there's just a bunch of drawings
of boobs.
202
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,465
- You get it now?
- Yeah, I get it.
203
00:09:59,627 --> 00:10:01,294
I definitely want her back.
204
00:10:03,778 --> 00:10:06,624
I don't think human beings were ever
meant to sleep in the same bed.
205
00:10:06,744 --> 00:10:10,422
Somehow sex and sleep got jumbled together
but they're two different things.
206
00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:11,397
I know.
207
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:13,687
I mean I love you, but I want this new bed
208
00:10:13,704 --> 00:10:16,956
To be a sanctuary for sleep and sleep alone.
209
00:10:17,076 --> 00:10:20,100
Me too. And some light snacking
but that's it.
210
00:10:21,273 --> 00:10:22,557
Hey, you know what we should get?
211
00:10:23,118 --> 00:10:25,441
We should get a third bed, just for sex.
212
00:10:26,261 --> 00:10:27,915
Oh, yes, a sex bed...
213
00:10:27,982 --> 00:10:29,583
A dirty, dirty, sex bed.
214
00:10:29,703 --> 00:10:32,385
Genius. That way each bed will have a specific purpose.
215
00:10:32,427 --> 00:10:35,955
Exactly. We'll have 2 sleep beds,
a sex bed,
216
00:10:36,229 --> 00:10:39,167
And I'm thinking a bean bag chair
just for special birthday stuff.
217
00:10:39,775 --> 00:10:40,744
Baby...
218
00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:44,012
- Can we just revolutionize modern marriage?
- Damn straight.
219
00:10:48,622 --> 00:10:50,330
- Hey!
- Hey!
220
00:10:50,576 --> 00:10:53,364
Hey, guys. hey, Don.
I hope you like sushi.
221
00:10:53,425 --> 00:10:57,484
How cool is that Don makes do sushi?
He learned while on assignment in Japan.
222
00:10:57,604 --> 00:10:59,892
Mmm. Ring wormalicious.
223
00:11:00,147 --> 00:11:03,399
Barney, be nice. You only want her
because you can't have her.
224
00:11:03,447 --> 00:11:06,328
It's like if I said "You can sit
anywhere in this room except...
225
00:11:06,392 --> 00:11:07,338
that chair."
226
00:11:07,371 --> 00:11:09,359
- Are you so petty that...
- My chair! My chair!
227
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,599
Oh, spicy tuna with halopania (?)?
My favorite.
228
00:11:13,666 --> 00:11:14,951
Mine too. I love spicy food.
229
00:11:15,071 --> 00:11:17,350
- The hotter, the better.
- I love spicy stuff too, guy.
230
00:11:17,470 --> 00:11:18,631
Probably more than you do.
231
00:11:19,055 --> 00:11:20,080
Suck it.
232
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:22,691
Mmm.
233
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,668
Super... hot.
234
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,442
I'm not feeling good.
235
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:29,828
Hey, Lily.
236
00:11:30,071 --> 00:11:33,461
You won't believe it. It's the craziest
thing. Don has twin beds too,
237
00:11:33,581 --> 00:11:35,651
Oh my God! We just got twin beds.
238
00:11:35,771 --> 00:11:37,766
Oh, oh. Great. Great.
239
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,686
Oh, wait. That "great" didn't
sound so great.
240
00:11:40,946 --> 00:11:42,832
Well my ex wife and I thought
it would be a good idea
241
00:11:42,878 --> 00:11:44,311
But we just started to drift apart.
242
00:11:46,027 --> 00:11:48,842
Yeah, but I bet you didn't have
another bed just for sex.
243
00:11:49,221 --> 00:11:51,462
No, but she did, at her
personal trainer's house.
244
00:11:52,364 --> 00:11:54,756
This chili is like an ice cube
in my mouth.
245
00:11:55,957 --> 00:11:57,077
I will say this, though...
246
00:11:57,197 --> 00:11:59,784
I'm gonna get a king size bed if Robin
decides to move in.
247
00:11:59,904 --> 00:12:02,084
Oh, I'd like that.
248
00:12:02,204 --> 00:12:04,951
- If I move in.
- If you move in.
249
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,259
Hey, hey, hey, Tokyo Don...
250
00:12:07,455 --> 00:12:08,232
You ever...
251
00:12:08,411 --> 00:12:09,749
Do this back in Japan?
252
00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:11,193
- Wasabi!
- Barney, don't!
253
00:12:11,238 --> 00:12:13,043
- Oh, my God, Barney!
- Aaah!
254
00:12:13,521 --> 00:12:15,435
- Awesome!
- Give him some milk.
255
00:12:15,555 --> 00:12:19,487
- Spit it out, spit it out!
- Oh, we're out of milk.
256
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:21,729
But thanks for the reminder, Robin.
257
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,371
Oh, you're sweet...
258
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:27,531
Well, I hope you're happy.
259
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:29,641
Hey, I stand by what I did.
260
00:12:29,761 --> 00:12:31,882
It was bold and romantic.
261
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:34,370
You soiled yourself from
both ends of your body.
262
00:12:34,742 --> 00:12:39,230
Oh, come on. You have done
tons of stupid stuff to impress Robin.
263
00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:42,489
Yeah, I did, but I don't anymore,
cause I'm over her.
264
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:45,056
- Just like you are.
- You are not over her.
265
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:48,077
You want her back just as much as I do,
you just won't let yourself go there.
266
00:12:48,113 --> 00:12:51,542
That is ridiculous and I'll tell you why.
267
00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:55,730
For my biographer?
268
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:59,243
Just, just focus on the letter, okay?
269
00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:03,207
Dear Ted, Robin is
the perfect girl for you
270
00:13:03,327 --> 00:13:05,344
but she doesn't want
to be in a serious relationship.
271
00:13:05,464 --> 00:13:07,227
You need someone who wants to settle down.
272
00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:09,387
So until Robin is ready
for that next step,
273
00:13:09,813 --> 00:13:11,122
she's not your girl.
274
00:13:13,394 --> 00:13:16,445
Still, I'll always remember stealing her
the blue French horn,
275
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:20,546
our first kiss, the look in her eye when she told me
276
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:22,890
she loved me.
277
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:28,125
Dammit. Now I want her back.
278
00:13:33,649 --> 00:13:37,913
So that night your uncle Barney and I
sat down to have a calm, rational discussion
279
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:39,746
about who deserved Robin more.
280
00:13:39,804 --> 00:13:42,531
- No!
- I stole her a blue French horn...
281
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:43,820
dated her for a year.
282
00:13:43,837 --> 00:13:46,295
I wanted her to be the mother
of my children
283
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:47,691
and spend eternity in her arms.
284
00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:49,449
She... I....
285
00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:52,738
want to have sex with her
at least one more time.
286
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:55,722
- She is mine.
- She's not yours.
287
00:13:55,842 --> 00:13:58,180
And she is not mine either. She's...
288
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,654
- Don's.
- Right.
289
00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:03,207
- We gotta get rid of that guy.
- Yeah.
290
00:14:03,972 --> 00:14:06,651
- Yeah.
- You know, figuratively.
291
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:10,644
- Of course.
- Or literally.
292
00:14:13,572 --> 00:14:15,622
Oh my God, Ted, this is how it starts.
293
00:14:15,742 --> 00:14:19,372
This is how it starts. I'm scared, Teddy,
I'm scared, Teddy.
294
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:22,682
- Two guys talking, two guys talking.
- Okay.
295
00:14:22,802 --> 00:14:24,104
Okay.
296
00:14:24,224 --> 00:14:26,709
- Marshall, I'm worried.
- Why?
297
00:14:26,829 --> 00:14:28,772
I don't wanna get divorced.
298
00:14:28,892 --> 00:14:30,194
Oh, baby...
299
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:31,936
Baby...
300
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:34,925
That's Don. That's not us.
301
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:38,055
Our new sleeping arrangement is only
gonna bring us closer together.
302
00:14:39,249 --> 00:14:40,567
Now get out of my bed.
303
00:14:42,352 --> 00:14:45,102
- Can we at least push them together?
- Sure.
304
00:14:45,222 --> 00:14:48,599
- Okay. - Oh, you meant the beds.
I don't wanna do that.
305
00:14:48,719 --> 00:14:50,540
- Why not?
- Baby...
306
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:52,618
I love you more than life itself.
307
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:54,356
But you're a million degrees.
308
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,336
Honestly, I'm surprised your hourly
pee breaks aren't just steam.
309
00:14:57,844 --> 00:14:59,784
Well, you're no picnic in bed either.
310
00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:02,065
Oh, except for the food and the ants. But...
311
00:15:02,447 --> 00:15:04,494
Well, I still want to be next to you.
312
00:15:04,557 --> 00:15:07,323
Why? So you can kick me and slap me
all night?
313
00:15:07,553 --> 00:15:10,873
I swear to God, the second you fall asleep
is like you grow extra limbs.
314
00:15:10,947 --> 00:15:13,265
It's like spooning
with a Hindu Didi Ganesh.
315
00:15:17,865 --> 00:15:19,149
Wanna push them together?
316
00:15:19,198 --> 00:15:21,678
- We're still talking about the beds?
- Nope. - Get over here.
317
00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:25,824
- Robin Stinson.
- Robin Mosby.
318
00:15:25,851 --> 00:15:29,058
- Robin Stinson.
- Ted Scherbatzky. I'll take her name.
319
00:15:29,093 --> 00:15:30,997
- I don't care.
- Okay. Wait.
320
00:15:31,054 --> 00:15:33,536
How about this? How about this?
We share her.
321
00:15:33,946 --> 00:15:37,735
I'll take her until she's forty
and then you can have her after that.
322
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:41,720
Who are we kidding, who are we kidding?
She's with Don now,
323
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,224
We just have to accept that
324
00:15:43,497 --> 00:15:45,155
- and move on.
- You're right.
325
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,501
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to the bath...
326
00:15:47,537 --> 00:15:49,065
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
327
00:15:49,109 --> 00:15:50,453
And then I'll skip out...
328
00:15:56,008 --> 00:15:57,044
Hello?
329
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,779
Hey, Robin, it's Barndoor.
330
00:15:59,841 --> 00:16:01,651
Guess what. I'm open.
331
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,245
Hey, Barndoor. Hang on.
I'm getting another call.
332
00:16:05,228 --> 00:16:07,223
- Hello?
- Hey, Robin.
333
00:16:07,469 --> 00:16:10,572
Teddy bear. Need a little honey?
334
00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:14,866
- No. Ted, hang on.
- Okay.
335
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,280
Hey, Barney, I...I'm gonna
have to call you back.
336
00:16:17,346 --> 00:16:20,311
Ted's on the other line and I...
I think he's in trouble.
337
00:16:20,431 --> 00:16:23,458
Ted's calling you?
Oh, he's in trouble alright.
338
00:16:25,139 --> 00:16:26,258
Ted, what's up?
339
00:16:26,378 --> 00:16:28,923
You've pretty hair. That's what's up.
340
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,438
And down your back.
341
00:16:37,942 --> 00:16:41,192
Well, we almost let
that get out of control.
342
00:16:41,228 --> 00:16:42,649
Agreed.
343
00:16:42,881 --> 00:16:45,983
I'm gonna get out of here
before we do something we regret.
344
00:16:46,103 --> 00:16:47,541
Robin!
345
00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:49,441
Robin, I love you!
346
00:16:49,561 --> 00:16:51,975
- You son of a bitch.
- Robin!
347
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,018
Robin!
348
00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:54,585
I brought you the blue French horn.
349
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,581
I brought you the blue French horn, Robin!
350
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:59,197
Ted is just holding it for me.
Sorry, buddy, I was there.
351
00:17:01,044 --> 00:17:03,504
Oh God, guys...What are you doing?
352
00:17:03,624 --> 00:17:05,060
Robin, I want you back!
353
00:17:06,647 --> 00:17:08,725
Hey, guys, why won't you come upstairs?
354
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:11,478
Oh, hey!
355
00:17:12,352 --> 00:17:14,566
Alright! Don...
356
00:17:14,686 --> 00:17:15,824
Let's settle this!
357
00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:19,650
- You, me and Ted.
- Yeah, a 3-way.
358
00:17:21,032 --> 00:17:24,927
Look, guys, Robin and I have to do our show,
so why don't you have a sit on the couch...
359
00:17:24,965 --> 00:17:27,850
Watch some television and we'll talk
about this when we get back, okay?
360
00:17:28,102 --> 00:17:30,709
Oh, you gave up easy. game, set...
361
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:31,693
Match!
362
00:17:31,754 --> 00:17:34,398
Winner wins a chicken dinner....
363
00:17:36,525 --> 00:17:37,619
Where's...
364
00:17:37,739 --> 00:17:40,749
Where's this TV you've been
bragging about?
365
00:17:40,780 --> 00:17:42,005
It's right here.
366
00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:50,262
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
367
00:17:51,513 --> 00:17:54,287
- Good night, boys.
- Night night, papa.
368
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,089
- That was nice.
- Yeah.
369
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,473
Well, you got to go.
370
00:18:03,537 --> 00:18:04,920
What?
371
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,792
Oh, I'm sorry.
372
00:18:06,912 --> 00:18:09,033
That was a blast. And you're great.
373
00:18:09,334 --> 00:18:11,330
I have to be up early, so...
374
00:18:12,601 --> 00:18:15,252
You're just kicking me out?
375
00:18:17,207 --> 00:18:18,560
You knew what this was.
376
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:27,197
Lily, Lily, wait.
377
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,187
Don't forget your sweatshirt.
Nice try.
378
00:18:33,659 --> 00:18:36,296
- Teddy bear, Barndoor.
- Papa?
379
00:18:36,343 --> 00:18:38,729
Rise and shine, jackasses.
380
00:18:39,529 --> 00:18:41,565
So do you guys remember
anything from last night?
381
00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:43,287
Yeah...
382
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:47,752
Boy, was Ted drunk. Embarrassing!
383
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:52,253
I'm really sorry. We both are.
384
00:18:53,019 --> 00:18:55,506
We were drunk and stupid, but...
385
00:18:56,654 --> 00:19:00,638
We're gonna do anything we can to make
sure that Don feels a part of the group.
386
00:19:01,786 --> 00:19:03,495
Don's not gonna be a part of the group.
387
00:19:04,581 --> 00:19:06,140
And neither am I.
388
00:19:07,069 --> 00:19:08,299
At least for a while.
389
00:19:08,641 --> 00:19:11,645
Guys, this thing with Don is real.
390
00:19:12,424 --> 00:19:14,201
And I wanna see where it goes.
391
00:19:14,492 --> 00:19:16,101
And I'll never be able to do that
392
00:19:16,134 --> 00:19:18,967
if I keep hanging our with
my ex-boyfriends all the time.
393
00:19:19,327 --> 00:19:20,393
It just won't work.
394
00:19:23,256 --> 00:19:24,520
I'm moving in with Don.
395
00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:43,033
* It should be boredom by now... *
396
00:19:45,972 --> 00:19:49,170
* I know the tricks... *
397
00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:51,262
So, what's going on with Robin?
398
00:19:51,382 --> 00:19:53,379
You were right. She was just mad.
399
00:19:53,436 --> 00:19:55,609
It's been four days and she hasn't said
another word about moving out
400
00:19:55,626 --> 00:19:56,381
But listen...
401
00:19:56,755 --> 00:19:59,229
We can never pull crap like that
ever again.
402
00:19:59,349 --> 00:20:00,310
Agreed.
403
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:03,878
In fact I even wrote myself
another letter.
404
00:20:03,998 --> 00:20:05,710
Dear future Barney,
405
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:09,105
You think you want Robin back again
but you really don't.
406
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:10,623
Let her go.
407
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,196
Sincerely, past Barney.
408
00:20:13,977 --> 00:20:16,803
- Let me see that.
- Hey, hey, give it to me.
409
00:20:16,923 --> 00:20:20,479
P.S. That top part was just for Ted.
Did he buy it? good.
410
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,843
Now get back together with Robin,
but don't mention your plan to Ted
411
00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:25,156
cause he'll just screw it up again.
412
00:20:26,553 --> 00:20:28,699
And then there's more drawings of boobs.
413
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,890
Okay, okay. In my defense,
414
00:20:32,676 --> 00:20:34,945
- How great are boobs?
- They're pretty great.
415
00:20:35,245 --> 00:20:37,487
- They're pretty great.
- So...
416
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:43,360
* I go for it every time *
417
00:20:44,863 --> 00:20:46,230
Robin!
418
00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:53,080
* Just like a heavy drinker...*
419
00:20:53,473 --> 00:21:02,896
* I go for it every time...
Hook, line and sinker *
420
00:21:03,016 --> 00:21:07,608
Synced and transcripted by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com