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00:00:01,754 --> 00:00:04,420
NARRATOR: Kids, when you're
in your 2os dating is great,
2
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:07,029
but by the time you reach your
3os, you find out pretty fast
3
00:00:07,051 --> 00:00:08,512
everyone has baggage.
4
00:00:08,513 --> 00:00:10,390
Sure, you can stick
to the small talk
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00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,950
and pretend it's not there,
but sooner or later...
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00:00:12,951 --> 00:00:14,084
(phone rings)
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00:00:14,085 --> 00:00:15,252
It's my ex.
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00:00:15,253 --> 00:00:17,390
Sorry. We're trying
to remain friends.
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00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:19,156
Hi, pumpkin!
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00:00:19,276 --> 00:00:21,759
Did you get our
tickets to Maui?
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00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,560
(chuckles)
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00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,363
Yeah, it's there.
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00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:35,071
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:42,828
That spring I just started dating
a girl named Royce.
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00:00:42,948 --> 00:00:44,750
She was smart, beautiful...
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00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,550
Blah-blah-blah,
we're very happy together.
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00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:47,295
But...
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00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:49,408
Exactly.
That's the problem.
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00:00:49,528 --> 00:00:50,492
Her butt?
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00:00:50,493 --> 00:00:51,826
What is it, too much?
Too little?
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00:00:51,827 --> 00:00:54,462
Or is it an issue of access?
(laughs)
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No, the "but" is, there's
always gonna be a "but."
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No matter how great things
are going,
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00:00:59,235 --> 00:01:01,069
sooner or later,
it's gonna get ruined.
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00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:02,770
When she turns 30.
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When I find out
what her baggage is.
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It's there.
I don't know what it is,
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00:01:07,409 --> 00:01:09,620
but when I do, party's over.
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Whoa. Ted,
please tell me
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00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,582
you are not impugning
emotional baggage.
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00:01:14,583 --> 00:01:15,884
Baggage is a good thing?
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00:01:15,885 --> 00:01:18,019
Emotional baggage
is the bedrock
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00:01:18,020 --> 00:01:21,489
of America's most important
cultural export.
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00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:22,657
ALL:
Porn.
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00:01:22,658 --> 00:01:25,493
Actually, it's porn.
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00:01:26,228 --> 00:01:28,163
Only women with major baggage
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00:01:28,164 --> 00:01:29,697
go into porn.
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TED & ROBIN:
Major Baggage.
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Ted, everyone has baggage.
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00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,469
You just got to look past it.
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00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:37,572
Really? 'Cause the last time
I looked past a girl's baggage,
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00:01:37,573 --> 00:01:40,208
that baggage belonged
to a girl named Stella,
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00:01:40,209 --> 00:01:41,976
and, oh, I'm drawing
a blank here.
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00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,245
How did that work out again?
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Here's how it worked out.
Marry me.
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00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,316
I asked her to marry me.
She said yes.
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00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,285
We were happy. But then the day
of the wedding,
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00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:51,819
her karate instructor
49
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,888
ex-boyfriend Tony Grafanello
showed up,
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00:01:53,889 --> 00:01:55,523
declared his love for her,
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00:01:55,524 --> 00:01:57,525
and Stella ran off with him
to California,
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leaving me utterly and
completely heartbroken.
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Ted, look,
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00:02:01,463 --> 00:02:03,231
what happened with
Stella was awful,
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00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:04,465
but that doesn't mean
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00:02:04,466 --> 00:02:06,301
anyone with baggage
is undateable.
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00:02:06,302 --> 00:02:08,236
Well, I'm just glad
that we met young enough
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00:02:08,237 --> 00:02:09,504
that I don't have any baggage.
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00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,939
Mother issues.
I do not.
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00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:12,707
Grandmother issues.
Definitely do not.
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00:02:12,708 --> 00:02:15,810
Great-grandmother issues.
I just don't like it when she picks me up.
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00:02:15,811 --> 00:02:17,579
And you know what
your biggest baggage is?
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00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:18,880
You're too nice.
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How is being nice baggage?
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Have you ever seen you
walk down the street?
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00:02:23,319 --> 00:02:25,720
I don't even know
how to answer hat.
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00:02:25,721 --> 00:02:26,988
Well, let me help you out.
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00:02:26,989 --> 00:02:29,490
Michael!
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00:02:29,491 --> 00:02:32,126
(Spanish accent):
Javier, Marcello!
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00:02:32,127 --> 00:02:33,494
Susanne.
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00:02:33,495 --> 00:02:37,732
Hey, Deng, let me
help you with that.
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That ought to do it.
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Oh, guys, no.
I could not today.
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00:02:42,304 --> 00:02:44,205
It would just be...
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00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,348
That's normal.
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There is only one street
where that is normal.
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Here's a hint:
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A giant yellow bird
lives on it.
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00:03:00,456 --> 00:03:01,990
Well, I'll be pretty happy
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if Royce's only baggage is
that she's too nice.
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00:03:04,126 --> 00:03:06,694
Too nice?
That is the worst kind of baggage.
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Best baggage:
Hates her dad
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00:03:09,031 --> 00:03:11,633
and thinks she's
fat, but isn't.
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00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:13,034
Angry sex on the first date,
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00:03:13,035 --> 00:03:15,236
and then as soon as
you mention breakfast,
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she's gone.
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00:03:16,505 --> 00:03:18,439
Why do guys hang out with me?
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TED: That night on
my date with Royce,
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I kept waiting to see
what her baggage would be.
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00:03:23,312 --> 00:03:25,980
So, is spaghetti
your specialty?
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00:03:25,981 --> 00:03:28,950
Uh, no. The main event
is my pancakes.
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00:03:28,951 --> 00:03:31,886
I'll make 'em for you sometime.
They are insane.
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00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:34,422
My dad used to make
multigrain pancakes.
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He's the one who got
me working in porn.
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You know PORN?
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"Parents Offering
Recognition and Nutrition"?
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It's a charity
for inner-city teens
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who don't have access to
sports or healthy food.
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00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,736
(sighs) (chuckles)
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00:03:48,737 --> 00:03:50,772
That reminds me...
(giggles)
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I killed my brother...
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00:03:54,243 --> 00:03:56,878
With this joke
I told him last night.
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A barber, a stripper
and a Jew...
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00:04:04,353 --> 00:04:08,923
...lliard-trained violinist
walk into a bar.
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I looked and looked and looked,
but it really appeared
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00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,995
as though there was no baggage
to worry about...
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until we went
to go see a movie.
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00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:20,435
? ?
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00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:28,843
Oh, no.
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00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:30,878
Hey, what took you guys so long?
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Nothing.
Forget about it.
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We were on our way here,
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and Marshall wanted
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00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:39,087
to stop and help some guys load
their moving van.
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To be nice.
It didn't cost nothing.
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D when the moving van
drove away,
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who should show up
but the owner of the apartment
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we had just helped
some guys rob.
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00:04:48,564 --> 00:04:52,800
And that one was hard
to explain to the police.
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See, Marshall?
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This is what I mean.
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You can't treat New York City
like it's the small, friendly,
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00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,074
crime-free, inbred, backwoods,
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00:05:00,075 --> 00:05:03,845
Podunk, cow-tipping, Minnesota
Hickville where you grew up.
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00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,346
Crime-free?
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00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,314
Yeah.
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00:05:06,315 --> 00:05:08,316
Crime-free? In 1994,
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00:05:08,317 --> 00:05:12,220
the cashier from the feed store
was held up at hoepoint.
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And besides,
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I like being friendly, okay?
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I'm not gonna change that
about myself.
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No, don't change, baby.
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I think it's sweet.
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00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,661
Sweet, sweet.
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Sweet mother of God,
he's an idiot sometimes.
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00:05:22,831 --> 00:05:25,733
He actually lent the burglars
gas money.
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00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,835
He gave them money?
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00:05:27,836 --> 00:05:29,070
Not gave, lent.
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00:05:29,071 --> 00:05:31,506
They said that they would
send us a check,
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00:05:31,507 --> 00:05:33,908
so Marshall gave them
our address.
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00:05:33,909 --> 00:05:35,076
What's to stop them
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00:05:35,077 --> 00:05:37,011
from coming
to our apartment one night
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00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:38,579
and maybe tying me up?
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00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:41,215
I mean, sure,
Marshall and I like to pretend,
145
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,984
but the reality is scary.
146
00:05:42,985 --> 00:05:44,886
Why don't you say something
to him?
147
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:45,987
What's the point?
148
00:05:45,988 --> 00:05:47,255
(with accent):
He's from Minnesota.
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00:05:47,256 --> 00:05:49,390
His high school mascot
was a hug.
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00:05:50,125 --> 00:05:51,392
Hey, guys.
Hey!
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00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,227
How'd the date with Royce go?
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00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,463
It was interesting.
We went to see
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00:05:55,464 --> 00:05:57,532
that new movie
The Wedding Bride.
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00:05:57,533 --> 00:05:58,766
Oh, how was it?!
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00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:01,235
Not that I care.
I mean, that's a chick flick.
156
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,703
This one'll probably drag me
to it,
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00:06:02,704 --> 00:06:05,473
like, the 7:10 show
tomorrow night or 9:40 because
158
00:06:05,474 --> 00:06:06,474
I have that meeting.
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00:06:06,475 --> 00:06:08,209
But I can probably get o of it,
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00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:09,510
so let's try for the 7:10.
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ROBIN: What's that
movie about, anyway?
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That's the interesting part.
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Hey, bonehead,
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I'm Jed Mosely!
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I'm the most powerful
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00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,121
and corrupt architect
in New York.
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I want... (screams)
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(all laugh)
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00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:26,360
It's about me.
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00:06:30,027 --> 00:06:31,695
The Wedding Bride is about you?
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00:06:32,096 --> 00:06:33,162
Yeah.
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00:06:33,163 --> 00:06:34,430
Okay, are you sure
it's about you?
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00:06:34,431 --> 00:06:35,765
Because when I saw Spaceballs
for the first time,
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I could have sworn...
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00:06:36,734 --> 00:06:39,235
This movie is
about me, Marshall.
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00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:41,604
It was written
by Tony Grafanello.
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00:06:41,605 --> 00:06:44,073
Tony Grafanello?
That's the...
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00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,842
Yeah, the guy
that Stella left me for.
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00:06:45,843 --> 00:06:47,010
This movie is the
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00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:48,211
whole story of our breakup.
181
00:06:48,212 --> 00:06:50,380
Why would he write
a movie about that?
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00:06:50,381 --> 00:06:52,248
Isn't he the bad guy
in that story?
183
00:06:52,249 --> 00:06:56,019
Yeah, and the good guy is a guy
named Ted Mosby.
184
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:58,321
Funny, that was my
memory of it, too.
185
00:06:58,322 --> 00:07:00,590
But according to the movie...
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00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:03,726
SECRETARY (over intercom): Mr.
Mosley, your fiancé is here.
187
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:06,229
Great, the old ball and chain.
188
00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:08,932
I can't wait to make her move
out of her beautiful house
189
00:07:08,933 --> 00:07:12,235
in New Jersey and come live with
me in an apartment above a bar.
190
00:07:12,236 --> 00:07:13,303
Send her in!
191
00:07:13,304 --> 00:07:15,772
Ah!
192
00:07:15,773 --> 00:07:18,975
Stella, to what do I owe
the pleasure?
193
00:07:18,976 --> 00:07:22,445
We're supposed to taste wedding
cakes this afternoon, remember?
194
00:07:22,446 --> 00:07:23,579
Ouch!
195
00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:27,784
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
196
00:07:28,218 --> 00:07:30,486
Whoa!
197
00:07:30,487 --> 00:07:31,821
(all laughing)
198
00:07:31,822 --> 00:07:34,891
(sighs)
199
00:07:34,892 --> 00:07:35,959
ALL:
Aw...
200
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,128
Well, I am stunned.
Right?
201
00:07:39,129 --> 00:07:41,965
That's what passes for comedy
these days?
202
00:07:41,966 --> 00:07:44,867
"Whoa, I'm falling back
in my chair!
203
00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:46,369
Whoa!" (giggles)
204
00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:48,204
Whoa. I'm really falling back
in my chair.
205
00:07:48,205 --> 00:07:49,238
LILY:
Oh, baby!
206
00:07:49,239 --> 00:07:51,674
MARSHALL:
Okay, that was pretty funny.
207
00:07:51,675 --> 00:07:53,209
What a jerk.
208
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:55,945
Did he at least get
someone hot to play me?
209
00:07:55,946 --> 00:07:56,846
You're not in it.
210
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:57,880
(sighs) What a jerk!
211
00:07:57,881 --> 00:07:58,982
No. No, no, no,
212
00:07:58,983 --> 00:08:00,583
Tony's not a jerk.
213
00:08:00,584 --> 00:08:02,785
Not according
to the movie, anyway.
214
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,554
I'm going through
with this wedding.
215
00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:06,356
I'm sorry, Tony.
216
00:08:06,357 --> 00:08:10,526
Stella, your happiness is
the only thing I care about,
217
00:08:10,527 --> 00:08:13,029
except for these underprivileged
children
218
00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:15,164
that I work with for free.
219
00:08:15,165 --> 00:08:16,532
ALL:
Aw...!
220
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:19,168
I love him.
221
00:08:19,169 --> 00:08:21,070
It's not that easy, Tony.
222
00:08:21,071 --> 00:08:24,007
Jed Mosely may not be
as handsome as you are,
223
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:25,241
as...
224
00:08:25,242 --> 00:08:26,509
Tall as you are...
225
00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:29,045
I'm taller than that guy.
226
00:08:29,046 --> 00:08:30,747
...and our sex life is terrible.
227
00:08:30,748 --> 00:08:31,881
Once, he even fell asleep
228
00:08:31,882 --> 00:08:33,583
while we were doing it.
I mean...
229
00:08:33,584 --> 00:08:34,717
(hushed):
It was one time.
230
00:08:34,718 --> 00:08:36,119
I was on cold medicine!
231
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,721
What?
Nothing.
232
00:08:38,722 --> 00:08:41,591
This is a terrible movie!
233
00:08:41,592 --> 00:08:43,126
And it got everything wrong!
234
00:08:43,127 --> 00:08:45,028
Re-Remember how I proposed
to Stella?
235
00:08:45,029 --> 00:08:46,696
That spontaneous moment
in the arcade;
236
00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:47,964
I didn't have a ring,
237
00:08:47,965 --> 00:08:50,967
so I gave her a toy I won
from a crane machine?
238
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:52,368
Oh, that was so sweet.
239
00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:53,403
So romantic.
240
00:08:53,404 --> 00:08:55,505
A little cheesy.
241
00:08:55,506 --> 00:08:58,041
Well, here's how it went
in the movie:
242
00:08:58,042 --> 00:09:02,345
Look, if it'll shut you up,
I guess we can get married.
243
00:09:02,346 --> 00:09:04,680
Aren't you gonna give me a ring?
244
00:09:04,681 --> 00:09:07,784
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
245
00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:10,720
Here, put is on your finger.
246
00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:11,921
Hey!
247
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:15,258
And remember
the two-minute date?
248
00:09:15,259 --> 00:09:17,360
When I squeezed an entire
romantic evening
249
00:09:17,361 --> 00:09:18,561
into just two minutes
250
00:09:18,562 --> 00:09:20,029
to accommodate
Stella's busy schedule?
251
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,231
Oh, Ted,
you're such a good guy.
252
00:09:22,232 --> 00:09:23,232
That was really nice.
253
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:26,335
Also a little cheesy.
254
00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:27,904
Well, according to the movie...
255
00:09:27,905 --> 00:09:30,373
What about our big
romantic weekend?
256
00:09:30,374 --> 00:09:33,242
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
257
00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:35,344
Alls I got time for is
a two-minute date,
258
00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:38,614
if you know
what I mean. Sex!
259
00:09:38,615 --> 00:09:40,416
Whoa!
260
00:09:40,417 --> 00:09:42,385
(all laughing)
261
00:09:42,386 --> 00:09:44,754
(sighs)
262
00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:46,355
ALL:
Aw...!
263
00:09:46,356 --> 00:09:47,757
Hey, if you know
what you're doing,
264
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,025
two minutes is all you need.
265
00:09:49,026 --> 00:09:50,226
Run tell DAT.
266
00:09:51,128 --> 00:09:54,263
But the worst,
the worst was the ending.
267
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,032
So they're at the wedding...
268
00:09:56,033 --> 00:09:58,668
Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosely
269
00:09:58,669 --> 00:10:00,837
to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
270
00:10:00,838 --> 00:10:01,838
I...
271
00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:03,439
Whoa-oh! Spoilers!
272
00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:05,875
Is what, is what I would say
273
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:09,278
if ever plan on seeing
such an awful film!
274
00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:11,547
Continue.
275
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:15,818
So they're at the wedding...
276
00:10:15,819 --> 00:10:17,019
I...
277
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,354
Stella!
278
00:10:18,355 --> 00:10:19,455
Tony!
279
00:10:19,456 --> 00:10:20,490
Tony?!
280
00:10:20,491 --> 00:10:22,024
Something I need to say.
281
00:10:22,025 --> 00:10:23,092
A long time ago,
282
00:10:23,093 --> 00:10:26,062
I let this beautiful girl
named Stella
283
00:10:26,063 --> 00:10:27,563
get away.
284
00:10:27,564 --> 00:10:28,631
And now she's with
285
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:31,033
some jerk
who doesn't appreciate
286
00:10:31,034 --> 00:10:34,470
what he has in this
beautiful wedding bride.
287
00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:36,572
ALL:
Aw...!
288
00:10:36,573 --> 00:10:40,009
(hushed):
What is wrong with you people?!
289
00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:41,944
You can't talk to me like that!
290
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:43,579
I'm Ted Mosely!
291
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,282
Did he say "Ted" that time?
Shh!
292
00:10:46,283 --> 00:10:48,117
Stella, I promised
to make you my wife.
293
00:10:48,118 --> 00:10:52,488
And I'd like to live up
to that promise.
294
00:10:52,489 --> 00:10:57,627
Oh, Tony, all I've wanted
all my life was your love.
295
00:10:57,628 --> 00:11:00,329
Oh, go on, honey, kiss him.
296
00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:02,031
ALL:
Kiss him! Kiss him!
297
00:11:02,032 --> 00:11:05,368
Stella, if you still
truly love me...
298
00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:06,602
CROWD:
Kiss him! Kiss him!
299
00:11:06,603 --> 00:11:10,973
Will you let me make you
my wedding bride?
300
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,042
CROWD:
Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!
301
00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:16,279
Can-do's-ville, baby doll.
302
00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:20,216
(applause)
303
00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:21,717
No, no, no!
304
00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:22,952
Stop doing that!
305
00:11:22,953 --> 00:11:24,520
Daddy!
306
00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:27,256
(groans)
307
00:11:27,257 --> 00:11:29,458
Take that, Ted Mosby!
308
00:11:29,459 --> 00:11:30,626
(both laughing)
309
00:11:30,627 --> 00:11:31,928
(all laughing)
310
00:11:31,929 --> 00:11:34,730
Okay, he definitely
said it that time.
311
00:11:40,270 --> 00:11:42,138
(audience applauds)
312
00:11:43,207 --> 00:11:45,208
(sighs)
313
00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:48,411
Oh, my God!
314
00:11:48,412 --> 00:11:49,879
That was so good!
315
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,647
I'm laughing, I'm crying.
316
00:11:51,648 --> 00:11:53,716
I... I know
it's all fake,
317
00:11:53,717 --> 00:11:56,919
but didn't those seem
like real characters?
318
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,921
It was just so real!
319
00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:00,923
Hey, how come
you said, "Oh, no"
320
00:12:00,924 --> 00:12:02,425
when the movie started?
321
00:12:02,426 --> 00:12:04,961
NARRATOR: That's when I realized
everyone has baggage...
322
00:12:04,962 --> 00:12:06,462
including me.
323
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,567
Oh, uh, no reason.
324
00:12:12,603 --> 00:12:15,104
Ted, I think you need
to tell Royce the story
325
00:12:15,105 --> 00:12:16,772
of what happened
with you and Stella.
326
00:12:16,773 --> 00:12:19,075
It-it's gonna come out
eventually.
327
00:12:19,076 --> 00:12:21,010
Why? Why does it
even have to?
328
00:12:21,011 --> 00:12:22,745
Well, for starters,
329
00:12:22,746 --> 00:12:24,380
it's now the fifth
highest grossing movie
330
00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:25,481
of all time.
331
00:12:25,482 --> 00:12:27,783
I don't care.
I don't care.
332
00:12:27,784 --> 00:12:29,752
I'm taking this to the grave.
333
00:12:29,753 --> 00:12:31,921
It's a stupid movie anyway!
334
00:12:31,922 --> 00:12:33,256
Sounds terrible.
I would never go
335
00:12:33,257 --> 00:12:35,291
see that film because
I support you and I love you.
336
00:12:35,292 --> 00:12:37,260
NARRATOR: Kids, you know
where this is going.
337
00:12:37,261 --> 00:12:41,297
Well, she's made her choice.
338
00:12:41,298 --> 00:12:43,165
Don't worry.
339
00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,667
I won't go to the wedding.
340
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:45,935
Oh, you'll go all right!
341
00:12:45,936 --> 00:12:49,905
I'm gonna drive you there myself
and make you watch!
342
00:12:49,906 --> 00:12:51,674
(laughs evilly)
343
00:12:51,675 --> 00:12:53,142
Billy, no!
344
00:12:53,143 --> 00:12:54,944
The code.
345
00:12:55,879 --> 00:12:57,813
This is exactly how it happened.
346
00:12:57,814 --> 00:12:59,815
He got every part right.
347
00:12:59,816 --> 00:13:02,084
Even the thing
with the nunchucks.
348
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,520
NARRATOR: So I was resolved
to put The Wedding Bride
349
00:13:04,521 --> 00:13:05,755
as far behind me as possible.
350
00:13:05,756 --> 00:13:07,757
Unfortunately...
351
00:13:07,758 --> 00:13:09,558
Oh, how great was
The Wedding Bride?
352
00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:11,394
Oh! Loved it!
Loved it, loved it, loved it!
353
00:13:11,395 --> 00:13:13,663
We're going to see it again tomorrow.
ROYCE: Oh, can we come?
354
00:13:13,664 --> 00:13:15,531
Ted, you want to see it
again, right?
355
00:13:15,532 --> 00:13:16,532
Yeah, it was good.
356
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,701
"Good"?
Try instant classic!
357
00:13:18,702 --> 00:13:20,870
The only thing wrong
with it--
358
00:13:20,871 --> 00:13:22,471
and I mean, it's such
a minor flaw
359
00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:24,106
in an otherwise
flawless film--
360
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,309
is, I just didn't get
why Stella would even want
361
00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:28,944
to marry a guy like Jed Mosely
in the first place.
362
00:13:28,945 --> 00:13:32,682
I mean, even that guy's
name: Jed Mosely....
363
00:13:32,683 --> 00:13:34,016
Come on, Royce.
You've dated
364
00:13:34,017 --> 00:13:35,751
a few Jed Moselys in your day.
365
00:13:35,752 --> 00:13:37,953
Well, okay, but who hasn't?
366
00:13:37,954 --> 00:13:41,057
He's such a type;
The butterfly tattoo,
367
00:13:41,058 --> 00:13:42,525
the way he pronounces
encyclopedia.
368
00:13:42,526 --> 00:13:43,492
Ugh!
369
00:13:43,493 --> 00:13:44,960
BOTH:
Encyclo-pay-dia.
370
00:13:44,961 --> 00:13:46,962
Totally, totally.
Well, technically,
371
00:13:46,963 --> 00:13:48,631
that is the correct
pronunciation.
372
00:13:48,632 --> 00:13:49,632
I was so, so happy
373
00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:51,567
when that loser got left
at the altar.
374
00:13:51,568 --> 00:13:54,403
And you know why?
Because he had it coming. Mm-hmm.
375
00:13:54,404 --> 00:13:57,106
And the great part is, he is
gonna live a long, sad life,
376
00:13:57,107 --> 00:14:00,242
knowing that he lost
his only chance at happiness.
377
00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:02,178
Oh, and what about when he
got beat up by the goat?!
378
00:14:02,179 --> 00:14:03,446
(laughing) So funny!
379
00:14:03,447 --> 00:14:05,214
RACHEL: What a loser!
Totally.
380
00:14:05,215 --> 00:14:06,682
Totally!
381
00:14:06,683 --> 00:14:08,718
I mean, the guy's
life was shattered
382
00:14:08,719 --> 00:14:10,753
in a very public humiliation.
383
00:14:10,754 --> 00:14:11,800
What a hoot!
384
00:14:12,838 --> 00:14:15,000
It may be years before he can look
385
00:14:15,033 --> 00:14:16,986
certain family members
in the eye again.
386
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,047
He may be so emotionally traumatized,
387
00:14:19,102 --> 00:14:22,256
he never fully loves or trusts
anyone ever again.
388
00:14:22,376 --> 00:14:23,578
It was hysterical!
389
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,265
Move over, Adolf Hitler,
390
00:14:25,385 --> 00:14:27,215
there's a new king
of comedy, right?
391
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:30,285
Ted, are you okay?
392
00:14:30,353 --> 00:14:33,413
No, I just think you all might be interested
to learn something
393
00:14:33,438 --> 00:14:37,058
about that movie you all love so much.
394
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,242
It sucks...
395
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:43,831
And you're all stupid
for liking it.
396
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:47,724
Wow. That was really mean and
397
00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:49,914
I think you owe us an apology.
398
00:14:53,191 --> 00:14:54,765
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll...
399
00:14:56,092 --> 00:14:58,711
No-can-do's-ville...
400
00:15:04,091 --> 00:15:06,652
You said, "No-can-do's-
ville, baby doll"?
401
00:15:06,719 --> 00:15:09,888
You actually used
Jed Mosely's catchphrase?
402
00:15:09,989 --> 00:15:12,157
I know! I was just
so upset that they...
403
00:15:13,815 --> 00:15:15,413
How do you know
that's his catchphrase?
404
00:15:15,533 --> 00:15:18,872
You dragged me into it. I didn't wanna go.
I wanted to see Avatar.
405
00:15:18,992 --> 00:15:20,621
That's it. I'm just gonna move
to some country
406
00:15:20,649 --> 00:15:22,199
where no one's seen
The Wedding Bride.
407
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,600
Good luck, Ted.
408
00:15:23,702 --> 00:15:25,269
That movie is worldwide.
It's huge.
409
00:15:25,336 --> 00:15:26,571
Maybe North Korea?
410
00:15:26,672 --> 00:15:28,773
Nope. I read
that Kim Jong IL said
411
00:15:28,841 --> 00:15:30,442
it's his second favorite movie
of all time.
412
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:34,233
Right behind a movie of him
riding a horse in slow motion
413
00:15:34,353 --> 00:15:35,883
Sorry, Ted.
You're screwed.
414
00:15:36,284 --> 00:15:39,186
No, Ted, you know what, no,
Ted is not screwed.
415
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,005
Do you guys want to know
why I'm nice to everyone?
416
00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:44,449
It's because I don't care bout baggage.
417
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,701
I mean, most people, they see
another person walking down the street
418
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,250
with that big heavy bag
they're carrying,
419
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,361
and they just walk on by.
But not me.
420
00:15:50,429 --> 00:15:54,332
I look at them and I say,
I say, "Howdy, stranger.
421
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,568
Can I give you a hand
with that?"
422
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,178
And you know who taught me
to be that way?
423
00:15:57,803 --> 00:15:59,292
A guy called Ted Mosby.
424
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:02,691
A guy who's uncynical and sincere
425
00:16:02,908 --> 00:16:05,196
and believed in things.
And you know what, Ted?
426
00:16:05,484 --> 00:16:07,322
I believe that deep down,
427
00:16:07,442 --> 00:16:08,896
you're still that guy.
428
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:11,010
I am still that guy.
429
00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:13,190
I think you want to go out there
and get that girl.
430
00:16:13,475 --> 00:16:14,833
I want to get out there and get that girl.
431
00:16:14,953 --> 00:16:17,055
- Because she's the love of your life.
- Because she's...
432
00:16:17,389 --> 00:16:20,065
Oh, well, we're three dates in.
She seems nice.
433
00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:21,463
Because she seems nice!
434
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:23,517
She does seem nice!
435
00:16:23,736 --> 00:16:25,154
You're right, Marshall.
436
00:16:25,394 --> 00:16:26,631
I gotta go get her.
437
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,450
And I know exactly where she is.
438
00:16:32,672 --> 00:16:35,441
TONY:
The wedding's in 15 minutes.
439
00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:36,842
I'll never make it!
440
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,659
You can do it, Sensei.
441
00:16:38,779 --> 00:16:40,965
Go get love a house round kick.
442
00:16:41,085 --> 00:16:42,431
Right in the heart.
443
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,203
You're right. What am I doing?!
444
00:16:46,783 --> 00:16:48,053
There's still time!
445
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,998
MINISTER:
Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosely
446
00:17:09,118 --> 00:17:10,932
To be your lawfully wedded husband,
447
00:17:12,217 --> 00:17:13,262
I...
448
00:17:16,046 --> 00:17:17,372
- Royce!
- Stella!
449
00:17:17,492 --> 00:17:18,729
- Ted?!
- Tony?
450
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:20,555
- Tony?
- Ted?
451
00:17:20,675 --> 00:17:22,050
Barney?
452
00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:24,987
(slurping)
453
00:17:25,107 --> 00:17:26,419
Look, there's something I need to say.
454
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,257
A long time ago,
A long time ago,
455
00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:31,761
I let this beautiful girl Stella
I let a horrible girl named Stella
456
00:17:31,787 --> 00:17:33,401
Break my heart...
Get away...
457
00:17:34,306 --> 00:17:36,083
And now she's with this jerk
458
00:17:36,203 --> 00:17:38,841
who wrote a movie about it
and that movie is called...
459
00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:40,763
The Wedding Bride.
460
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,574
What are you saying?
MOSELY: You can't talk to me like that!
461
00:17:44,694 --> 00:17:46,567
I'm Jed Mosely!
I'm Ted Mosely!
462
00:17:46,687 --> 00:17:51,122
But Royce, this dufus in the red
cowboy boots, this isn't me.
463
00:17:51,242 --> 00:17:53,378
So, just to be clear,
are you saying you that
464
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:55,949
you don't have a pair of red
cowboy boots in your closet?
465
00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,561
- Barney what are you...
- I just wanted...
466
00:17:58,681 --> 00:18:01,200
They're actually more
of a burgundy.
467
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,383
Royce, I promised
Stella, I promised
468
00:18:05,428 --> 00:18:07,020
to make you some pancakes.
To make you my wife.
469
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,099
TED & TONY: And I'd like to
live up to that promise.
470
00:18:11,219 --> 00:18:14,221
STELLA: Ted, all I've wanted all my
life Ted, all I've wanted all week
471
00:18:14,341 --> 00:18:17,640
...was your love.
...was some pancakes.
472
00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:20,150
BARNEY & MINISTER:
Oh, go on, honey, kiss him!
473
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,183
Kiss him.
474
00:18:21,303 --> 00:18:22,762
Kiss him, kiss him,
475
00:18:22,882 --> 00:18:24,599
Um, Uncle Barney didn't say "kiss".
476
00:18:24,827 --> 00:18:28,646
Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him,
477
00:18:28,706 --> 00:18:30,066
Still not saying "kiss."
478
00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:30,919
Kiss him!
479
00:18:31,039 --> 00:18:32,769
Sir, you need to leave, now.
480
00:18:32,889 --> 00:18:35,272
This is outrageous.
Who the kiss are you?
481
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,523
Royce, if you still...
482
00:18:37,643 --> 00:18:38,886
If you still truly love me...
483
00:18:39,006 --> 00:18:40,417
...kind of like me...
484
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,192
...can you let me make you
485
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,441
- My wedding bride?
- Can you let me make you some pancakes?
486
00:18:49,312 --> 00:18:51,583
Can-do's-ville, babydoll.
487
00:18:52,309 --> 00:18:56,378
(lush orchestral music playing,
chanting continues)
488
00:18:56,446 --> 00:18:58,547
(applause)
489
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:04,483
MOSBY: Daddy! Kiss this!
Kissin' movie's over anyway.
490
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:07,613
Sir...
Oh. Oops. Oops.
491
00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,236
Hey, um...
492
00:19:19,101 --> 00:19:21,215
...that stuff
that happened to me,
493
00:19:22,056 --> 00:19:23,160
it was pretty rough.
494
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,515
I'm, uh, I'm still
getting over it.
495
00:19:26,044 --> 00:19:27,930
Let me help you with that.
496
00:19:30,957 --> 00:19:32,543
And just like that, kids,
497
00:19:32,663 --> 00:19:35,239
My baggage didn't seem quite
so heavy anymore.
498
00:19:35,576 --> 00:19:37,569
You see, everyone's
got some baggage--
499
00:19:37,689 --> 00:19:40,188
it's part of life--
but like anything else,
500
00:19:40,308 --> 00:19:42,451
it's easier when someone
gives you a hand with it.
501
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:51,350
Wow, it feels so good to have told you
all that stuff about me.
502
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,942
I'm really glad I can open up to you.
503
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,896
Ted, it's not
that big of a deal.
504
00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:58,701
Heck, I've been
left at the altar.
505
00:20:00,875 --> 00:20:02,035
Three times.
506
00:20:04,144 --> 00:20:07,327
The last time was because I blew
all our money on online poker.
507
00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:11,250
That's why I live
with my brother now.
508
00:20:11,539 --> 00:20:15,107
Wait, I... I thought you said
you had a tiny studio apartment.
509
00:20:15,818 --> 00:20:16,748
Just the two of us,
510
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,622
You should see how he hogs the covers.
511
00:20:24,142 --> 00:20:25,715
Yeah, you gotta go.
512
00:20:25,835 --> 00:20:32,835
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com