1 00:00:01,983 --> 00:00:04,518 I cannot stop staring at that girl's face. 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:05,886 Face. Huh. 3 00:00:05,887 --> 00:00:08,355 That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet. 4 00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:09,890 No, Ted, 5 00:00:09,891 --> 00:00:11,525 I'm really looking at her face. 6 00:00:11,526 --> 00:00:13,994 Aw... that's actually really sweet. 7 00:00:13,995 --> 00:00:15,396 Puffy cheeks, 8 00:00:15,397 --> 00:00:17,665 smudged mascara, 9 00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:19,400 slightly red nose... 10 00:00:19,401 --> 00:00:21,268 That girl was just crying. 11 00:00:21,269 --> 00:00:22,570 She's so sad 12 00:00:22,571 --> 00:00:24,071 and defenseless. 13 00:00:24,072 --> 00:00:25,573 Anyone have a condom? 14 00:00:25,574 --> 00:00:27,241 Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no! 15 00:00:27,242 --> 00:00:28,509 That's it! You know what? 16 00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:29,777 Five-minute time-out! 17 00:00:29,778 --> 00:00:31,112 Corner booth! Now. 18 00:00:32,214 --> 00:00:33,247 Hey, get this. 19 00:00:33,248 --> 00:00:35,082 You know my friend Max from law school? 20 00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,517 He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown, 21 00:00:36,518 --> 00:00:38,686 and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over. 22 00:00:38,687 --> 00:00:40,988 He wants us to come check it out. 23 00:00:42,157 --> 00:00:44,024 I don't know, it could be cool. 24 00:00:44,025 --> 00:00:45,559 I've never seen Woody Allen. 25 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,628 What?! Robin, how can you be a New Yorker 26 00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:50,064 and never have seen Woody Allen? I have seen 27 00:00:50,065 --> 00:00:52,433 plenty of other famous people. 28 00:00:52,434 --> 00:00:55,970 Last week I saw... Maury Povich. 29 00:00:55,971 --> 00:00:58,572 Kids, you know talk show host Maury Povich. 30 00:00:58,573 --> 00:01:01,809 It was uncanny how often we saw this guy. 31 00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,277 Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich. 32 00:01:03,278 --> 00:01:05,045 Maury Povich is everywhere. 33 00:01:05,046 --> 00:01:06,247 I'm sorry, Robin, but you're 34 00:01:06,248 --> 00:01:07,348 not a real New Yorker 35 00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:08,582 until you've seen Woody Allen. 36 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:10,584 I am, too, a real New Yorker. 37 00:01:10,585 --> 00:01:11,852 That's adorable. 38 00:01:11,853 --> 00:01:13,554 You're from Canada. 39 00:01:13,555 --> 00:01:14,989 I have been here for almost six years. 40 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:16,724 It's not like I just got off a boat. 41 00:01:16,725 --> 00:01:17,791 A boat! 42 00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:20,995 Oh, wait, that is how you say it. 43 00:01:20,996 --> 00:01:23,097 I'd say you're not a real New Yorker until you've stolen a cab 44 00:01:23,098 --> 00:01:24,732 from someone who needs it more than you do. 45 00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:27,768 No, you're not a real New Yorker till you've cried on the subway 46 00:01:27,769 --> 00:01:29,537 and not given a damn what anyone thinks. 47 00:01:29,538 --> 00:01:31,105 No, you're not a real New Yorker 48 00:01:31,106 --> 00:01:33,107 until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hands. 49 00:01:33,108 --> 00:01:34,909 Those rules are all stupid, okay? 50 00:01:34,910 --> 00:01:37,011 I've never done any of those things. 51 00:01:37,012 --> 00:01:38,345 By the end of this day, 52 00:01:38,346 --> 00:01:40,781 Robin would have done all of those things. 53 00:01:40,782 --> 00:01:41,649 Okay, time's up. 54 00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,117 What are we talking about? 55 00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:44,418 Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, 56 00:01:44,419 --> 00:01:46,487 and Robin thinks that we should go see him. 57 00:01:46,488 --> 00:01:47,488 Why would I do that? 58 00:01:47,489 --> 00:01:48,956 I'll see him at poker on Tuesday. 59 00:01:48,957 --> 00:01:50,724 Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab, 60 00:01:50,725 --> 00:01:51,959 we'll be there in 15 minutes. 61 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,727 A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster. 62 00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:55,796 You just take the one, and transfer to the two-three. 63 00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:57,932 Well, the bus runs more often on weekends. 64 00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,300 Take the M-7 to the M-5. 65 00:01:59,301 --> 00:02:01,402 The bus? Every time I take the bus, 66 00:02:01,403 --> 00:02:04,305 there is one crazy person no one wants to sit near. 67 00:02:04,306 --> 00:02:06,407 That's why I have never taken the bus. 68 00:02:06,408 --> 00:02:07,575 Plus... 69 00:02:07,576 --> 00:02:10,211 I can run faster than a bus. 70 00:02:10,212 --> 00:02:12,546 Dude, that's, like, seven miles. 71 00:02:12,547 --> 00:02:14,048 You can't do that. 72 00:02:14,049 --> 00:02:16,517 You can't beat the bus! I can beat 73 00:02:16,518 --> 00:02:19,220 a bus or a cab or a train! 74 00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:22,289 Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham? 75 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:25,593 Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg. 76 00:02:25,594 --> 00:02:28,862 You're all wrong... I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you, 77 00:02:28,863 --> 00:02:29,697 even if I 78 00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:30,864 sat down and ordered 79 00:02:30,865 --> 00:02:32,333 a big, juicy steak first. 80 00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:33,033 How? 81 00:02:33,034 --> 00:02:34,034 Medium rare. 82 00:02:34,035 --> 00:02:35,369 But that's not important right now. 83 00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:37,438 Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay? 84 00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:38,906 Oh, my God! Oh, wow! 85 00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,710 All right, all right, hold on, hold on! 86 00:02:42,711 --> 00:02:44,144 Let's just forget about it. 87 00:02:44,145 --> 00:02:46,180 Who cares? I mean, there's no way 88 00:02:46,181 --> 00:02:48,682 to find out who's right anyway. 89 00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:52,753 First person there wins! 90 00:02:52,754 --> 00:02:54,455 Doesn't matter how you get there! 91 00:02:54,456 --> 00:02:56,257 Stay sad! I'll be back! 92 00:02:56,457 --> 00:03:06,657 Sync by InSUBs www.addic7ed.com 93 00:03:23,388 --> 00:03:26,123 Hi. Can I see a menu, please? 94 00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:27,824 No rush. 95 00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,264 Kids, I should tell you, 96 00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,466 Lily really needed a win that day. 97 00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:40,704 When Marshall and Lily decided to have a baby, 98 00:03:40,705 --> 00:03:42,572 they assumed it would happen right away. 99 00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:43,907 It's gonna be positive. 100 00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:45,442 Eriksen man are hella fertile. 101 00:03:45,443 --> 00:03:48,078 When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant 102 00:03:48,079 --> 00:03:51,415 just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car. 103 00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:54,451 Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me. 104 00:03:54,452 --> 00:03:55,719 Negative. 105 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,220 As the weeks went by, 106 00:03:57,221 --> 00:03:59,389 Marshall's confidence never wavered. 107 00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:01,858 Then it started to mess with Lily's head. 108 00:04:02,994 --> 00:04:05,262 Negative? 109 00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:07,364 Well, we know it's not me. 110 00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:08,432 Everything's fine. 111 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,701 These things take time. 112 00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:11,868 Not with an Eriksen. 113 00:04:11,869 --> 00:04:15,172 Something must be wrong with you. 114 00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:17,908 Also, my mom hates you. 115 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,476 You know what? 116 00:04:19,477 --> 00:04:22,279 Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again. 117 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,647 What? 118 00:04:23,648 --> 00:04:24,715 No, you wouldn't. 119 00:04:24,716 --> 00:04:26,083 Somebody help me! 120 00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:28,919 Somebody help me! 121 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,122 Lily was so fed up with not getting anywhere, 122 00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:35,058 maybe winning this race was just what she needed. 123 00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:48,638 Idiot! 124 00:04:49,974 --> 00:04:51,541 I'll show them. 125 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,877 My body can outrun any motorized vehicle. 126 00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:57,080 I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine. 127 00:04:57,081 --> 00:04:59,883 All I need is a great folk song. 128 00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,595 ¶ Of a man who dared to race machines 129 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:14,631 Suck it, Grand-butt! 130 00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:23,740 Ooh, taxi! 131 00:05:27,178 --> 00:05:29,746 Excuse me, I got a thing. 132 00:05:31,349 --> 00:05:34,651 Maury... Maury... 133 00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:39,356 Track maintenance? 134 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,561 20-minute delay? 135 00:05:44,562 --> 00:05:45,529 How do you do that? 136 00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,697 I grew up here; I speak conductor. 137 00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:48,965 Damn it! 138 00:05:53,404 --> 00:05:56,907 Damn it! 139 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:03,146 Kids, I also needed a win that day. 140 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,983 A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall 141 00:06:06,984 --> 00:06:09,286 had offhandedly mentioned a Web site called... 142 00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:10,987 Grademyteacher.net? 143 00:06:10,988 --> 00:06:13,123 It's this awesome site where students can go say 144 00:06:13,124 --> 00:06:14,758 what they really think about their professors. 145 00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:16,560 Hey, you're probably on there. 146 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:22,265 I couldn't help but see what my students had written about me. 147 00:06:22,266 --> 00:06:24,768 And it was... 148 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,872 ...majestic. 149 00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:32,475 Until... 150 00:06:36,414 --> 00:06:38,815 Now, kids, I knew I was a good professor. 151 00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,851 That's why I didn't let it bother me. 152 00:06:40,852 --> 00:06:42,552 I had nothing to prove. 153 00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:44,421 Absolutely nothing. 154 00:06:44,422 --> 00:06:45,889 Here's a fun fact. 155 00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,557 See the Alberta Building over there? 156 00:06:47,558 --> 00:06:50,794 Oh. The brown one or the gray one? That's the gray one. 157 00:06:50,795 --> 00:06:52,329 Did you know 158 00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:54,764 that in 18... 159 00:07:06,477 --> 00:07:08,812 Hey! 160 00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:10,313 Come on! 161 00:07:19,123 --> 00:07:20,690 Elizabeth! 162 00:07:22,994 --> 00:07:25,295 Somebody call an ambulance! 163 00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:32,002 Excuse me, I've got a thing. Hey! 164 00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:34,504 That's my cab! Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown. 165 00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:39,042 This is my cab...! 166 00:07:40,845 --> 00:07:42,145 Downtown hospital, please. 167 00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:43,980 It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse. 168 00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:46,449 Take the FDR, and maybe crank up some smooth jazz. 169 00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:49,920 Uh, we're required by law to take you to the nearest hospital, 170 00:07:49,921 --> 00:07:51,554 which is St. Luke's-Roosevelt. 171 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:54,024 Uptown. 172 00:07:54,025 --> 00:07:55,325 Oh, no. 173 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,598 It's my cab! This is my cab! 174 00:08:05,695 --> 00:08:07,362 It's Barney. 175 00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:08,864 Help me. 176 00:08:13,302 --> 00:08:15,404 Robin also needed a win that day. 177 00:08:17,306 --> 00:08:19,341 It had been a rough year for Robin. 178 00:08:19,342 --> 00:08:21,676 First her boyfriend and former cohost, Don, 179 00:08:21,677 --> 00:08:23,011 left her for another job. 180 00:08:23,012 --> 00:08:25,714 Then Robin met her new cohost, Becky. 181 00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:27,516 Hi! I'm Becky! 182 00:08:27,517 --> 00:08:28,483 Hi. 183 00:08:28,484 --> 00:08:30,585 I am so excited to be your coanchor! 184 00:08:30,586 --> 00:08:32,821 Yay! 185 00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:34,956 Hi, Becky. My, you're perky. 186 00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:38,660 Don't worry, I am not here to step on your toesies. 187 00:08:38,661 --> 00:08:39,394 Oh... 188 00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,063 You're still the star. 189 00:08:41,064 --> 00:08:44,332 I made chocolate chip cookies for everybody! 190 00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:45,667 Yay! 191 00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:47,669 And just like that, 192 00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:50,138 Becky started to eclipse Robin. 193 00:08:50,139 --> 00:08:53,308 I mean, literally eclipse her. 194 00:08:56,479 --> 00:08:58,947 This is my cab! Aah! 195 00:08:59,816 --> 00:09:01,817 Keep it. 196 00:09:08,224 --> 00:09:09,825 Hello. 197 00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,793 Ranjit, take me to Gregor's. 198 00:09:11,794 --> 00:09:14,362 Taking you to Gregor's. 199 00:09:14,363 --> 00:09:16,364 ¶ As Marshall ran with all his might 200 00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,100 ¶ And passed his friend Christine 201 00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:19,201 Hey, Christine. 202 00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:23,672 ¶ That he had beaten the machine 203 00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:26,575 Yes! 204 00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:30,679 Yes! 205 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,647 ¶ He brought the jukebox back to life 206 00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:36,718 Hey...! Oh! 207 00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,693 Ow. Ow. 208 00:09:44,694 --> 00:09:45,794 Ow. 209 00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:47,062 Last seat. 210 00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:48,296 Thank God. 211 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:51,032 I just had the worst cab ride of my life. 212 00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,168 Well, you're in luck. 213 00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:55,303 See that gothic church over there? 214 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,608 Those Corinthian columns were designed by Giuseppe Pegatto in 1896. 215 00:09:59,609 --> 00:10:01,843 Ow. Ow. 216 00:10:01,844 --> 00:10:03,078 Ow. 217 00:10:03,079 --> 00:10:04,546 Hey, Ranjit, pull over. 218 00:10:04,547 --> 00:10:05,881 Pulling over. 219 00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:08,617 Hey, toots! 220 00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:10,285 How about a ride? 221 00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:16,391 Oh. Hey, Robin, it's you. 222 00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,502 See that over there? 223 00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:28,904 That's the old Arcadian Hotel. 224 00:10:28,905 --> 00:10:31,673 Fun fact... while today its neoclassical fenestration 225 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,375 is considered to be... 226 00:10:37,313 --> 00:10:40,115 So, is this ride your way of apologizing for this morning? 227 00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:42,150 I'm sorry. I never apologize. 228 00:10:42,151 --> 00:10:43,885 And why would I? 229 00:10:43,886 --> 00:10:45,287 Are you kidding me? 230 00:10:45,288 --> 00:10:47,489 Hey, Barney, can I talk to you? 231 00:10:47,490 --> 00:10:50,091 Sure. Stand a little more this way. 232 00:10:50,092 --> 00:10:52,194 I'm scouting some talent. 233 00:10:52,195 --> 00:10:54,296 Pretend we're talking about something important. 234 00:10:54,297 --> 00:10:56,698 Oh, well, this... this is something important. 235 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,867 Um, I'm having a... a really rough time at work. 236 00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:00,468 You know, the whole Becky thing... 237 00:11:00,469 --> 00:11:01,736 Oh, you know what? 238 00:11:01,737 --> 00:11:02,938 That's just getting distracting. 239 00:11:02,939 --> 00:11:06,074 Um, say "carrots and peas." Carrots and peas. 240 00:11:06,075 --> 00:11:06,975 Carrots and peas. 241 00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:08,009 Carrots and peas. 242 00:11:08,010 --> 00:11:10,879 Carrots and peas. 243 00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:15,050 Guys, I can't stop staring at that girl's face. 244 00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:17,586 What, you really had something to talk about? Yes. 245 00:11:17,587 --> 00:11:20,388 Look, I've spent the last six years in this city, 246 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,424 focusing on my career, all for nothing. 247 00:11:22,425 --> 00:11:24,192 Some lady almost got me killed. 248 00:11:24,193 --> 00:11:26,228 Maury Povich stole my cab. 249 00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:28,597 I swear, this city is starting to reject me 250 00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:30,232 like a bad organ transplant. 251 00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:33,301 You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker. 252 00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,171 Well, maybe I should just stop trying. 253 00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:37,772 Robin, I had no idea. 254 00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:40,041 No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care. 255 00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,243 Ranjit, stop the car. 256 00:11:41,244 --> 00:11:42,777 Stopping the car. 257 00:11:42,778 --> 00:11:43,745 No, don't stop the car. 258 00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,447 Not stopping the car. 259 00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,348 Seriously, stop the car. 260 00:11:46,349 --> 00:11:48,250 Seriously stopping the car. 261 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:49,284 Look, you... 262 00:11:49,285 --> 00:11:50,752 Wait, wait... Robin, hold on. 263 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,121 If you want to talk, I'm right here. 264 00:11:53,122 --> 00:11:54,990 Carrots and peas. 265 00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:56,725 Don't... 266 00:11:56,726 --> 00:11:57,959 You... 267 00:11:59,929 --> 00:12:03,498 I'll crank up the smooth jazz. 268 00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:08,703 ¶ Our hero's strength was fading fast 269 00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:20,782 ¶ He then thought back 270 00:12:24,987 --> 00:12:27,589 Come on, Playboy Channel. 271 00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:31,493 Ow! 272 00:12:31,494 --> 00:12:33,061 ¶ But the stapler's mighty sting... 273 00:12:34,163 --> 00:12:35,897 Come on, Spice Channel. 274 00:12:35,898 --> 00:12:39,267 ¶ The cable box's bite again... 275 00:12:54,083 --> 00:12:55,350 ...uses a hybrid steel tube structure... 276 00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:57,686 Kids, that day, I had a horrible realization. 277 00:12:57,687 --> 00:13:01,189 If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus... 278 00:13:04,026 --> 00:13:06,828 ...it's you. 279 00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:13,868 The good news is, I was halfway there, 280 00:13:13,869 --> 00:13:15,136 and nothing could stop me. 281 00:13:21,277 --> 00:13:24,412 Whoa! 282 00:13:24,413 --> 00:13:25,580 This is crazy. 283 00:13:25,581 --> 00:13:26,614 I can't believe it. 284 00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:28,116 Okay, this is clearly a sign. 285 00:13:28,117 --> 00:13:30,285 Let's just call it a tie. 286 00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:31,653 Forget about the race. 287 00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:32,721 Head back to the bar. 288 00:13:32,722 --> 00:13:33,655 Absolutely. 289 00:13:44,062 --> 00:13:46,664 The race was back on. 290 00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:50,468 Idiot. 291 00:13:50,469 --> 00:13:53,471 One subway car over... 292 00:14:09,588 --> 00:14:12,223 Oh, God. 293 00:14:18,096 --> 00:14:19,163 Oh, bite me! 294 00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:25,770 Faster. Mush! Mush! 295 00:14:25,771 --> 00:14:28,272 I need this win. I need this win. 296 00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:33,010 And firing half my department freed up the money 297 00:14:33,011 --> 00:14:34,445 to double my own salary. 298 00:14:34,446 --> 00:14:37,148 And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, 299 00:14:37,149 --> 00:14:38,616 and I'm getting more muscular, 300 00:14:38,617 --> 00:14:39,950 even though I've stopped working out, 301 00:14:39,951 --> 00:14:41,652 and I've got this amazing poker group. 302 00:14:41,653 --> 00:14:44,522 Actually, Barney did not need a win. 303 00:14:44,523 --> 00:14:48,192 And I smell incredible. Smell me. 304 00:14:48,193 --> 00:14:51,328 Just, seriously, smell me. 305 00:14:53,498 --> 00:14:55,966 He did smell incredible. 306 00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,234 Stop! 307 00:14:57,235 --> 00:14:59,403 Too slow. Switch. 308 00:15:13,785 --> 00:15:15,152 Sweetie? 309 00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:16,120 Are you okay? 310 00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:17,087 No. 311 00:15:17,088 --> 00:15:20,024 I am done with this city. It wins. 312 00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,560 I just want to move somewhere new and start over. 313 00:15:23,595 --> 00:15:26,730 You've had a rough year. 314 00:15:26,731 --> 00:15:28,599 But you're tough. 315 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,534 And I love you like crazy. 316 00:15:30,535 --> 00:15:32,670 If you left, I'd have to follow you. 317 00:15:32,671 --> 00:15:34,405 And Marshall would follow me. 318 00:15:34,406 --> 00:15:35,606 And Ted would follow him. 319 00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:38,809 The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney. 320 00:15:40,245 --> 00:15:42,179 Bring it in. 321 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,684 What did he say? 322 00:15:46,685 --> 00:15:48,219 No clue. 323 00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:51,555 Hey, is that Maury Povich? 324 00:15:54,659 --> 00:15:56,060 Hey! Lily. 325 00:15:57,062 --> 00:15:58,062 Sorry, sweetie. 326 00:15:58,063 --> 00:15:59,263 I swear I'll be a great friend 327 00:15:59,264 --> 00:16:01,232 at the finish line, but the conductor just said 328 00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:02,967 you're going express to Borough Hall, 329 00:16:02,968 --> 00:16:04,735 which means you're screwed, sweetie. 330 00:16:04,736 --> 00:16:05,870 So long, sucker. 331 00:16:10,508 --> 00:16:12,243 Bring it in. 332 00:16:12,244 --> 00:16:13,944 Damn it. 333 00:16:15,847 --> 00:16:18,382 Hey, it's Lily. Help me. 334 00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:21,252 And not a single passenger would listen to me. 335 00:16:21,253 --> 00:16:22,720 I mean, am I a bad teacher? 336 00:16:22,721 --> 00:16:25,256 Do I just put people to sleep? 337 00:16:26,391 --> 00:16:27,424 Buddy? 338 00:16:27,425 --> 00:16:28,993 Hey, buddy? 339 00:16:28,994 --> 00:16:30,728 Need a hand? 340 00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:33,898 The machines have won! 341 00:16:33,899 --> 00:16:36,433 The machines have won. 342 00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:37,902 Dude, mellow. 343 00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:41,538 I can't do it. I can't run that far. 344 00:16:41,539 --> 00:16:43,340 I can't outrace anything. 345 00:16:43,341 --> 00:16:45,309 I-I can't... 346 00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,945 I can't get my wife pregnant! 347 00:16:51,149 --> 00:16:52,549 Wait. 348 00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:54,885 Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about? 349 00:16:54,886 --> 00:16:57,688 My body has been letting me down, and I just wanted 350 00:16:57,689 --> 00:16:59,390 to prove that it could still do something, 351 00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:00,591 but it can't. 352 00:17:00,592 --> 00:17:02,426 Dude, you've been trying for two months, 353 00:17:02,427 --> 00:17:04,361 not two years. That's nothing. 354 00:17:04,362 --> 00:17:05,763 Well, you should talk. 355 00:17:05,764 --> 00:17:07,398 You know, you're the one who's freaking out 356 00:17:07,399 --> 00:17:08,832 because you have one mediocre review 357 00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,768 and, like, 50 great ones. 358 00:17:10,769 --> 00:17:12,403 64. But whatever. 359 00:17:12,404 --> 00:17:14,638 And you're designing a frickin' building. 360 00:17:14,639 --> 00:17:16,106 I mean, come on, dude. 361 00:17:16,107 --> 00:17:19,043 Sounds like you guys need to clear everything, 362 00:17:19,044 --> 00:17:21,545 subtract the negativity, 363 00:17:21,546 --> 00:17:24,381 and add some perspective. 364 00:17:26,785 --> 00:17:29,086 Marshall! 365 00:17:29,087 --> 00:17:31,588 Marshall, get in! 366 00:17:31,589 --> 00:17:33,757 Hello. 367 00:17:49,541 --> 00:17:51,141 There it is. 368 00:17:51,142 --> 00:17:52,242 Where are Marshall and Lily? 369 00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:54,178 Who cares? 370 00:18:17,635 --> 00:18:20,237 I won? I won! 371 00:18:20,238 --> 00:18:21,505 No! 372 00:18:21,506 --> 00:18:22,373 I can't believe I won! 373 00:18:22,374 --> 00:18:24,008 How did that even happen? 374 00:18:24,009 --> 00:18:25,142 Here's how it happened. 375 00:18:25,143 --> 00:18:27,344 Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it. 376 00:18:27,345 --> 00:18:29,013 Ted is in the way. Run him over. 377 00:18:29,014 --> 00:18:30,147 Running him over. 378 00:18:30,148 --> 00:18:31,682 No. Lily, what the hell is the matter with you? 379 00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:34,451 Nothing. I just want to win this really badly. 380 00:18:34,452 --> 00:18:37,955 So badly that I just ditched my best friend 381 00:18:37,956 --> 00:18:39,356 when she needed me. 382 00:18:39,357 --> 00:18:42,960 Oh, baby, you were also going to run over Ted. 383 00:18:42,961 --> 00:18:46,163 Why did I get so crazy about this? 384 00:18:46,164 --> 00:18:48,098 Maybe for the same reason that I kept saying 385 00:18:48,099 --> 00:18:49,500 that I could run seven miles. 386 00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:53,470 I... I'm trying to be really, um, confident and positive 387 00:18:53,471 --> 00:18:56,340 about all this, but, baby, I'm really scared 388 00:18:56,341 --> 00:18:57,374 that we're not pregnant yet. 389 00:18:57,375 --> 00:18:58,642 Oh, thank God. 390 00:18:58,643 --> 00:19:01,078 I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. 391 00:19:01,079 --> 00:19:02,646 I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. 392 00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:03,881 It's only been two months. 393 00:19:03,882 --> 00:19:04,982 We are crazy. 394 00:19:04,983 --> 00:19:05,949 We're totally crazy. 395 00:19:05,950 --> 00:19:07,084 This is the last time 396 00:19:07,085 --> 00:19:08,986 it's ever going to be just the two of us. 397 00:19:08,987 --> 00:19:09,887 Shouldn't we be enjoying that? 398 00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:12,289 We gotta go back to Paris. 399 00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:13,490 And take ballroom dancing. 400 00:19:13,491 --> 00:19:14,658 And really learn how to ski. 401 00:19:14,659 --> 00:19:16,860 Not just up and get faced in the lodge. 402 00:19:16,861 --> 00:19:19,630 And see Coney Island. I've still never been. 403 00:19:19,631 --> 00:19:21,899 See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do 404 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:22,933 before we start having kids. 405 00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:25,602 Oh, a cradle list. 406 00:19:25,603 --> 00:19:27,771 I'm... 407 00:19:27,772 --> 00:19:30,641 so glad we're trying, and I'm going to be really excited 408 00:19:30,642 --> 00:19:33,777 for when it happens, but this isn't a race. 409 00:19:33,778 --> 00:19:37,381 This isn't a race. 410 00:19:37,382 --> 00:19:39,450 Ranjit, screw Gregor's. 411 00:19:39,451 --> 00:19:41,185 Let's go to Coney Island. 412 00:19:41,186 --> 00:19:44,555 Screwing Gregor's. Going to Coney Island. 413 00:19:44,556 --> 00:19:47,357 As for how Robin beat me and Barney, 414 00:19:47,358 --> 00:19:50,527 to this day, your uncle Barney won't admit it... 415 00:19:50,528 --> 00:19:52,863 Who cares? But here's what I saw: 416 00:19:52,864 --> 00:19:55,432 I saw Barney notice Robin's face... 417 00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:58,368 and maybe realize something. 418 00:19:58,369 --> 00:19:59,636 Barney says he tripped, 419 00:19:59,637 --> 00:20:04,641 but it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose. 420 00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:05,876 And when Robin won, 421 00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:07,478 I could have sworn I saw him smile. 422 00:20:07,479 --> 00:20:09,713 I won! No! 423 00:20:09,714 --> 00:20:11,615 So I said, "The cab, of course"" 424 00:20:13,751 --> 00:20:15,652 I know what you did back there. 425 00:20:16,287 --> 00:20:17,621 Yeah. 426 00:20:17,622 --> 00:20:19,189 Check it. 427 00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:22,526 I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks, 428 00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:24,761 and I still smell incredible. 429 00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:26,029 Smell me. 430 00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:26,930 I'm not gonna... 431 00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:28,532 Not gonna... Smell me. 432 00:20:29,534 --> 00:20:31,168 He did smell incredible. 433 00:20:31,169 --> 00:20:32,336 Wait a minute. 434 00:20:32,337 --> 00:20:33,871 So, where is Woody Allen? 435 00:20:33,872 --> 00:20:36,140 He's right there. 436 00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:41,745 Damn it, Max. That's Maury Povich. 437 00:20:41,746 --> 00:20:44,014 I always get those two confused. 438 00:20:45,517 --> 00:20:47,885 Technically, there was only one winner that day. 439 00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:51,121 And in that race, everyone found exactly what they needed. 440 00:20:51,122 --> 00:20:52,556 It's true, 441 00:20:52,557 --> 00:20:53,757 she wouldn't see Woody Allen 442 00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:54,825 for another couple months, 443 00:20:54,826 --> 00:20:56,560 but that's how Robin became, 444 00:20:56,561 --> 00:20:59,596 by just about any definition of the term... 445 00:21:01,566 --> 00:21:03,100 ...a real New Yorker. 446 00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:13,500 Sync by InSUBs www.addic7ed.com