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NARRATOR: Kids, one morning in
2010, I opened the newspaper
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00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,638
only to discover an op-ed
written by Zoey Pierson.
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00:00:06,483 --> 00:00:07,750
You remember Zoey.
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00:00:07,751 --> 00:00:10,286
Key Ted Mosby's car.
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00:00:10,287 --> 00:00:12,355
In those four column inches,
she railed against me
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00:00:12,356 --> 00:00:13,706
and my company, GNB,
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00:00:13,707 --> 00:00:16,692
for wanting to tear down
a beautiful old building:
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00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:17,793
The Arcadian.
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00:00:17,794 --> 00:00:19,262
And as if that
wasn't bad enough,
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00:00:19,263 --> 00:00:22,231
the piece ran on a Saturday,
which as you both know,
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00:00:22,232 --> 00:00:24,333
is Dad's crossword day.
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00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:26,569
She ruined crossword day!
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I can't believe this.
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She singles me out by name.
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Calls me a "fat cat."
Me and my "fat-cat friends."
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We're not fat cats.
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Exactly.
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I say, Marshall, my good
man, how's my bow tie?
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Impeccable, old bean.
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To industry!
Ah, bully!
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NARRATOR: Okay, that night we
weren't entirely un-fat-catty.
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00:00:44,755 --> 00:00:47,073
You see, every year
the Natural History Museum
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00:00:47,074 --> 00:00:48,941
holds its Autumn Spectacular.
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00:00:48,942 --> 00:00:50,393
It's attended
by some of the most powerful
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00:00:50,394 --> 00:00:52,662
and important people
in New York.
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00:00:52,663 --> 00:00:55,031
And, thanks to
Goliath National Bank...
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00:00:55,032 --> 00:00:56,232
us.
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00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:57,767
MARSHALL:
Look at us, huh?
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00:00:57,768 --> 00:00:58,968
In tuxedos?
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00:00:58,969 --> 00:01:02,305
Can you imagine if our college
selves saw us like this?
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00:01:02,306 --> 00:01:03,873
They'd pelt us
with their Phish bootlegs.
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00:01:03,874 --> 00:01:07,910
Yeah, we were pretty
anti-establishment back then.
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00:01:07,911 --> 00:01:09,545
Oh, God, remember Russell?
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00:01:09,546 --> 00:01:10,880
Oh.
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00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:14,217
Nice monkey suit, Russell.
Yeah.
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00:01:14,218 --> 00:01:15,618
Come on, guys.
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00:01:15,619 --> 00:01:17,553
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you
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00:01:17,554 --> 00:01:19,222
with that corporate noose
around your neck.
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00:01:19,223 --> 00:01:22,024
And don't even try showing up
to the drum circle this weekend.
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00:01:22,025 --> 00:01:23,226
Yeah.
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00:01:25,028 --> 00:01:27,230
Oh, hey. You guys
seen Russell?
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00:01:27,231 --> 00:01:28,931
I'm supposed to drive him
to his mom's funeral.
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00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:32,668
I wish I knew
you guys back then.
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00:01:32,669 --> 00:01:35,104
You know why? Because you
can't kick a story in the nuts.
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Hey, we're still those people.
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00:01:37,374 --> 00:01:39,675
One of these days, Marshall's
going to quit his job
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00:01:39,676 --> 00:01:41,210
and go to work for the NRDC,
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00:01:41,211 --> 00:01:43,613
and save the world,
right, baby?
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00:01:43,614 --> 00:01:45,381
Absotively.
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00:01:45,382 --> 00:01:46,616
But let's just
remember, I mean,
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00:01:46,617 --> 00:01:48,251
nobody's the same
as they were in college.
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00:01:48,252 --> 00:01:50,653
You know, it's like, I wear
a suit to work every day.
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Well, yeah, but you
wear it ironically,
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00:01:52,589 --> 00:01:54,323
like Ted's fanny pack.
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00:01:54,324 --> 00:01:56,325
Next time we go
to Great Adventure,
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00:01:56,326 --> 00:02:00,129
you're carrying
your own sunblock.
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00:02:04,901 --> 00:02:07,103
Ooh! I love this exhibit.
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00:02:07,104 --> 00:02:09,805
One time when I was a kid, this
room was closed for cleaning,
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00:02:09,806 --> 00:02:11,374
so I snuck under the rope.
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00:02:11,375 --> 00:02:12,408
ALL:
Ooh.
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00:02:12,409 --> 00:02:13,643
Wow, that's pretty cool.
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00:02:13,644 --> 00:02:15,378
When I was a kid,
I knocked down the blue whale.
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00:02:15,379 --> 00:02:18,314
Okay, the giant blue whale
hanging from the ceiling?
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00:02:18,315 --> 00:02:20,666
I was six. My uncle Jerry
brought me here for the day.
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00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,318
He said, "Don't touch anything""
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00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:23,552
To a kid.
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00:02:23,553 --> 00:02:25,388
That's like someone telling us,
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00:02:25,389 --> 00:02:26,706
"Don't look at that girl's perky
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00:02:26,707 --> 00:02:28,708
and impossibly symmetrical
knockers."
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00:02:28,709 --> 00:02:29,825
ALL:
Ooh.
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00:02:29,826 --> 00:02:31,260
Not bad.
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00:02:31,261 --> 00:02:34,864
So, naturally, I snapped
the rib off a triceratops,
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00:02:34,865 --> 00:02:37,400
blahbity-blahbity-blue,
I knocked down the whale.
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00:02:37,401 --> 00:02:39,502
I'm surprised security
didn't stop me on the way in.
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00:02:39,503 --> 00:02:41,220
Well, I'm sure
they don't remember.
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00:02:41,221 --> 00:02:43,055
I mean, it's been like 30 years
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00:02:43,056 --> 00:02:45,174
since that completely
made-up story didn't happen.
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00:02:45,175 --> 00:02:46,909
It happened.
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00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:48,444
And these people don't forget.
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This is not the
Natural Stuff That Happened
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00:02:50,847 --> 00:02:53,115
No More Than Five Minutes Ago
Museum. Huh?
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00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:54,950
Marshall, Barney,
there you are.
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00:02:54,951 --> 00:02:57,353
I want you to meet an old friend
of mine from Exeter,
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00:02:57,354 --> 00:02:59,238
George Van Smoot.
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00:02:59,239 --> 00:03:02,024
But you can, and should,
call me The Captain.
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00:03:02,025 --> 00:03:03,959
The Captain?
The Captain?
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00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,862
Back in school we met during
a production of Guys and Dolls.
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00:03:06,863 --> 00:03:12,034
The Captain was Nathan Detroit
to my assistant stage manager.
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Marshall and Barney here,
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00:03:14,037 --> 00:03:16,205
are the future
of Goliath National Bank.
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00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:17,640
Well, ahoy.
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00:03:17,641 --> 00:03:19,942
Ahoy.
Ahoy, The Captain.
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00:03:19,943 --> 00:03:21,677
The Captain pretty much paid
for this entire shindig.
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00:03:21,678 --> 00:03:22,878
Please, enjoy yourselves,
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have fun,
but don't touch anything.
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00:03:25,849 --> 00:03:27,950
Thank you, The Captain.
Challenge accepted.
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Wow.
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00:03:31,271 --> 00:03:33,606
"The future of
Goliath National Bank"?
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00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:35,825
I know, it's so, uh...
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00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:38,194
You know, I totally forgot
to tell you, but, um,
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00:03:38,195 --> 00:03:41,497
the other day, Arthur offered
me a five-year contract.
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00:03:41,498 --> 00:03:44,784
Oh, well, don't turn him down
here in public.
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00:03:44,785 --> 00:03:47,570
I broke up with Scooter
at the prom.
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Right before the picture, too.
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00:03:49,623 --> 00:03:52,441
(sobbing)
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00:03:52,442 --> 00:03:55,511
So whatever you do, don't tell
him here tonight, 'cause...
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00:03:55,512 --> 00:03:57,146
I think I'm going to say yes.
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00:04:01,184 --> 00:04:03,619
Ah, that's the stuff.
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00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:13,690
Sync for www.addic7ed.com
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I didn't realize you
were small potatoes.
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And to be clear, I am
referring to your testicles.
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Impressive.
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Try this on for size.
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(jingling)
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(clatters)
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You want to dance?
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Let's dance.
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I live for the dance.
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Get... your other hand...
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off my ass.
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Sorry, sorry.
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LILY: What do you mean,
you're going to say yes?
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I-I want to keep
working at GNB.
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00:05:04,498 --> 00:05:05,781
But I thought that you...
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00:05:05,782 --> 00:05:06,832
Guys, guys, guys?
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00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:08,501
Architecture fun fact:
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If you stand right here,
and you whisper,
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00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:12,988
a person all the way across
the other end of the room
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00:05:12,989 --> 00:05:15,124
hears it like you're standing
right next to them.
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00:05:15,125 --> 00:05:16,959
It's one of the most
sophisticated pieces
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00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,261
of acoustical design
in the world. Watch.
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00:05:19,262 --> 00:05:21,030
(whispers):
Diarrhea.
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00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:25,634
Right? Right?
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00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:28,220
But a five-year
contract.
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I thought you hated GNB.
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Look, I don't hate all of it.
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Tonight's fun.
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Take a look around.
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I mean, this is
pretty high-class.
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00:05:35,195 --> 00:05:36,879
(whispers):
Poo-poo.
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00:05:38,415 --> 00:05:40,199
Poo-poo platter.
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00:05:42,986 --> 00:05:44,553
Zoey?
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00:05:52,596 --> 00:05:53,730
Well, well, well.
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00:05:54,359 --> 00:05:56,660
You have got to be kidding me.
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00:05:56,661 --> 00:05:57,928
So, what are we protesting
tonight?
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00:05:57,929 --> 00:05:59,864
Rising cost of jet fuel?
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00:05:59,865 --> 00:06:03,100
The government's oppressive
top hat and monocle tax?
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00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,535
And what are you doing here?
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00:06:04,536 --> 00:06:06,170
Oh, right.
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00:06:06,171 --> 00:06:08,739
Beautiful old building...
you're here to knock it down.
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00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:10,908
Can I finish my drink first?
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Darling, there you are.
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Hi.
Hi.
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Ted, this is my husband.
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Yeah, old stuff's great.
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00:06:28,093 --> 00:06:31,529
Mmm. Ah, this Scotch
is good. How's your drink?
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00:06:31,530 --> 00:06:34,598
This is ridiculous.
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00:06:34,599 --> 00:06:38,235
We are two grown adults standing
among the greatest collection
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00:06:38,236 --> 00:06:40,237
of natural artifacts
in the Western hemisphere,
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00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:41,472
and look at what we're doing.
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00:06:41,473 --> 00:06:44,275
You're right.
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Want to go touch
a bunch of stuff?
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Yeah, I do.
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So, Captain.
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How'd you get that name, anyway?
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Gave it to myself.
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A real man chooses
his own name.
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00:07:14,406 --> 00:07:16,140
Well, pleased to meet you,
Captain.
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00:07:16,141 --> 00:07:19,176
I'm Galactic President
Superstar McAwesomeville.
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This is Ted.
Capital.
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Honey, I may cut out early.
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I have to go check up
on the boat.
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The boat?
There's a boat?
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00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:27,485
You must tell me about
this boat, Captain.
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00:07:27,486 --> 00:07:29,653
Well, she's an 85-foot sloop.
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00:07:29,654 --> 00:07:31,355
She!
Do you like boats?
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00:07:31,356 --> 00:07:34,158
Does the sea call to you
like it calls to me?
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00:07:34,159 --> 00:07:38,129
Yes. The sea is all like,
"Ted, come hang out."
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00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:42,032
I like Galactic President
Superstar McAwesomeville.
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You're coming on
the boat sometime.
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00:07:43,902 --> 00:07:45,219
Stepping off.
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00:07:46,605 --> 00:07:50,107
Man, I wish me and my dad
were as close as you guys are.
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00:07:50,108 --> 00:07:52,109
Oh. You want
to make this personal?
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00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:53,561
Okay.
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00:07:53,562 --> 00:07:56,580
Destroy Ted Mosby.
186
00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:57,781
Now it's personal.
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00:07:57,782 --> 00:07:59,550
No, if I wanted
to make it personal,
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I'd call you
a bored little trophy wife
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00:08:01,953 --> 00:08:03,420
who likes to play activist
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00:08:03,421 --> 00:08:05,823
when the shops
on 5th Avenue are closed.
191
00:08:05,824 --> 00:08:07,224
You're going down.
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00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:09,693
Down where?
To the yacht club?
193
00:08:09,694 --> 00:08:11,228
Oh! I would love to.
194
00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:12,830
W-w-wait.
195
00:08:12,831 --> 00:08:15,366
I'm half Jewish,
will that be a problem?
196
00:08:15,367 --> 00:08:18,068
So what about becoming
an environmental lawyer?
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00:08:18,069 --> 00:08:20,037
What about saving the world?
198
00:08:20,038 --> 00:08:21,238
(whispers):
Wieners.
199
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:22,840
That was a great dream.
200
00:08:22,841 --> 00:08:25,726
But we have a mortgage,
and we're trying to have kids.
201
00:08:25,727 --> 00:08:26,810
We're grown-ups now, Lily.
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00:08:26,811 --> 00:08:28,512
TED:
Wieners and gonads.
203
00:08:28,513 --> 00:08:29,780
What would College You say
204
00:08:29,781 --> 00:08:31,682
if he heard what
you were saying right now?
205
00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:33,918
Honestly? Probably
something pretentious,
206
00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:35,152
and pseudo-intellectual, like...
207
00:08:35,153 --> 00:08:36,520
TED:
Boogers.
208
00:08:37,923 --> 00:08:39,290
We all change, Lily.
209
00:08:39,291 --> 00:08:42,092
You know, you don't spell
"women" with a "Y" anymore.
210
00:08:42,093 --> 00:08:44,361
And I'm okay with that.
211
00:08:44,362 --> 00:08:46,230
And you need to be okay
with the fact
212
00:08:46,231 --> 00:08:48,699
that I may never become
an environmental lawyer.
213
00:08:50,502 --> 00:08:52,603
So how long have
you felt this way?
214
00:08:52,604 --> 00:08:54,805
Honestly?
215
00:08:55,941 --> 00:08:58,042
Since my first day at GNB.
216
00:08:58,877 --> 00:09:01,045
TED:
Hershey squirts.
217
00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:10,554
Hey. How do you
like my date's tux?
218
00:09:10,555 --> 00:09:11,722
Ooh!
219
00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,307
Uh, a-thank you!
220
00:09:13,308 --> 00:09:16,060
Oh, none for him.
He's stuffed.
221
00:09:18,230 --> 00:09:20,397
Stuffed.
222
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:23,767
Oh! Zoey! There you are.
223
00:09:23,768 --> 00:09:25,269
Oh, my God.
224
00:09:25,270 --> 00:09:27,271
You have a monocle.
225
00:09:27,272 --> 00:09:28,639
Is this real?
226
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:29,873
Is this really happening?
Can you excuse us for a moment?
227
00:09:29,874 --> 00:09:31,659
Let's go for a walk.
228
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:33,744
Good luck killing James Bond.
229
00:09:36,548 --> 00:09:38,132
Are we allowed in here?
230
00:09:38,133 --> 00:09:39,149
What do you want from me?
231
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,851
I want my crossword day back.
232
00:09:40,852 --> 00:09:43,254
Okay? Go live your perfect
little life,
233
00:09:43,255 --> 00:09:44,521
and leave me the hell alone.
234
00:09:44,522 --> 00:09:45,889
My life isn't perfect.
235
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,791
Oh, please,
what's your biggest problem?
236
00:09:47,792 --> 00:09:49,226
Having to sail
back to the marina
237
00:09:49,227 --> 00:09:51,161
because the Captain's
all out of white Zin?
238
00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:54,965
Oh. Great.
Now you're crying.
239
00:09:54,966 --> 00:09:57,067
Like that's going
to get my sympathy.
240
00:09:57,068 --> 00:10:00,304
NARRATOR:
It did.
241
00:10:00,305 --> 00:10:03,240
You've known about this
for two and a half years?
242
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:04,642
So every time you've
243
00:10:04,643 --> 00:10:07,478
talked about wanting to be an
environmental lawyer since then,
244
00:10:07,479 --> 00:10:08,612
that was a lie.
245
00:10:08,613 --> 00:10:11,181
Technically, I never lied.
246
00:10:11,816 --> 00:10:13,617
You asked me questions,
247
00:10:13,618 --> 00:10:16,787
and I responded
with made-up words.
248
00:10:16,788 --> 00:10:18,055
What?
249
00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:20,958
So, you'll probably quit GNB
in a couple years, right?
250
00:10:20,959 --> 00:10:22,793
Affirmatootly.
251
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:24,495
And become
an environmental lawyer?
252
00:10:24,496 --> 00:10:25,829
Yepskerdoodles.
253
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:27,865
Hey, by the way,
do you like this scarf?
254
00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:32,002
Posititochadochmecochepopocha.
255
00:10:32,003 --> 00:10:33,270
Lawyered.
256
00:10:33,271 --> 00:10:35,472
Okay, that's also
a made-up word.
257
00:10:35,473 --> 00:10:38,475
Okay. Lily,
what do you want from me?
258
00:10:38,476 --> 00:10:42,413
I want you to be the person
I fell in love with.
259
00:10:52,924 --> 00:10:54,625
(Barney roars)
260
00:10:54,626 --> 00:10:56,794
Niled it!
261
00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:58,829
Excuse me.
262
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,298
Thank God you're here.
263
00:11:01,299 --> 00:11:04,902
She's been messing
with the exhibits.
264
00:11:04,903 --> 00:11:07,371
I got married when I was 22
265
00:11:07,372 --> 00:11:10,541
to a man who calls himself
The Captain.
266
00:11:10,542 --> 00:11:13,477
He seems like a good guy.
267
00:11:13,478 --> 00:11:16,447
He wears those red pants.
268
00:11:16,448 --> 00:11:18,182
I hate boats, Ted.
269
00:11:18,817 --> 00:11:20,250
I do, I hate 'em.
270
00:11:20,251 --> 00:11:21,585
I can't be on them.
271
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:22,920
I can't be near them.
272
00:11:22,921 --> 00:11:25,589
I can't even think about them
without getting seasick.
273
00:11:26,725 --> 00:11:30,894
You want to know why I want
to save that building?
274
00:11:30,895 --> 00:11:33,030
Because when I look up
at The Arcadian,
275
00:11:33,031 --> 00:11:36,600
I see something big and solid,
276
00:11:36,601 --> 00:11:39,069
and right now everything else
in my life
277
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:41,205
just feels like I'm on a boat.
278
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:45,743
I know it's crazy to care
that much about a building.
279
00:11:45,744 --> 00:11:47,244
It's not crazy at all.
280
00:11:47,245 --> 00:11:48,479
I'm the same way.
281
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,130
Look, Zoey,
282
00:11:50,131 --> 00:11:54,451
The Arcadian should be
a landmark, it should.
283
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:57,821
The lion head stonework
is iconic.
284
00:11:58,857 --> 00:12:00,724
I hate that we have
to tear it down.
285
00:12:00,725 --> 00:12:02,526
I hate working for GNB.
286
00:12:02,527 --> 00:12:06,864
They're a bunch of wieners
and gonads.
287
00:12:06,865 --> 00:12:09,800
Ted, that was...
288
00:12:09,801 --> 00:12:12,069
really easy.
289
00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:13,737
What?
290
00:12:15,807 --> 00:12:19,710
TED (recording): They're a
bunch of wieners and gonads.
291
00:12:19,711 --> 00:12:22,079
This should be useful.
292
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,447
And in that moment,
293
00:12:23,448 --> 00:12:25,816
another headline appeared
before my eyes.
294
00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:33,190
You tricked me.
295
00:12:33,191 --> 00:12:35,058
Well, it the bug room, Ted.
296
00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:37,261
Your ass just got bugged.
297
00:12:39,431 --> 00:12:41,682
Oh, the offer still stands.
298
00:12:41,683 --> 00:12:44,668
We simply must have you out
on the boat sometime.
299
00:12:53,221 --> 00:12:54,821
Well, aren't you two clever.
300
00:12:55,328 --> 00:12:56,729
Well, guess what,
this museum has seen
301
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:58,414
every kind of prank
you can think of.
302
00:12:58,415 --> 00:12:59,448
Mummies playing poker,
303
00:12:59,449 --> 00:13:01,700
penguins sticking
out of volcanoes,
304
00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:03,636
dinosaurs from
the Cretaceous period
305
00:13:03,637 --> 00:13:05,905
hanging out with dinosaurs
from the Jurassic period.
306
00:13:05,906 --> 00:13:07,973
One time a kid knocked down
the blue whale.
307
00:13:07,974 --> 00:13:09,408
You name it...
308
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:11,744
I'm sorry. Did you say someone
knocked down the blue whale?
309
00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:13,045
Oh no, not just someone.
310
00:13:13,046 --> 00:13:14,079
A six-year-old.
311
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,214
Oh, yeah, that
story is legend...
312
00:13:15,215 --> 00:13:17,449
(phone ringing) Hold on.
313
00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:19,134
...dary.
314
00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:21,620
And, um, would you
happen to know
315
00:13:21,621 --> 00:13:23,556
what that young man's name was?
316
00:13:23,557 --> 00:13:25,891
No.
317
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:29,562
But I could,
uh, check the files.
318
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,500
Thank you.
319
00:13:34,501 --> 00:13:36,702
Now, Arthur, your turn.
320
00:13:36,703 --> 00:13:38,404
I just sang three songs.
321
00:13:38,405 --> 00:13:41,240
Now you-you do your part
from Guys and Dolls.
322
00:13:44,578 --> 00:13:46,812
Take your seats, everyone.
323
00:13:46,813 --> 00:13:48,747
The show's about to start.
324
00:13:49,833 --> 00:13:51,083
Douche.
325
00:13:55,622 --> 00:13:58,957
So I hear my wife
got you pretty good.
326
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,796
She caught me on
tape trashing GNB.
327
00:14:03,797 --> 00:14:05,831
Oh, that damn recorder.
328
00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:07,533
Try being married to that.
329
00:14:07,534 --> 00:14:11,737
"But you said you'd get the
corgis neutered this weekend."
330
00:14:11,738 --> 00:14:13,405
"I said no such thing."
331
00:14:13,406 --> 00:14:15,608
"Oh, yeah?" Click.
332
00:14:16,977 --> 00:14:18,410
You're a good guy,
333
00:14:18,411 --> 00:14:21,013
Galactic President
Superstar McAwesomeville.
334
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:23,716
Tell you what,
when Zoey goes to sleep,
335
00:14:23,717 --> 00:14:25,784
I'll find that tape
and erase it for you.
336
00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:26,919
No hard feelings.
337
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,020
Really?
338
00:14:28,021 --> 00:14:29,822
You'd do that to your own wife?
339
00:14:29,823 --> 00:14:31,123
Sure. Why not?
340
00:14:31,124 --> 00:14:34,226
I mean, I'm glad she has
these little causes,
341
00:14:34,227 --> 00:14:35,828
they keep her out of trouble,
342
00:14:35,829 --> 00:14:37,997
but when she throws
a temper tantrum
343
00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:39,398
and it gets in the way
of someone doing their job,
344
00:14:39,399 --> 00:14:41,066
that's a problem.
345
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,968
No, you know what?
346
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,837
Don't erase the tape.
347
00:14:44,838 --> 00:14:46,672
And for what it's worth,
348
00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:48,707
I don't think
she's throwing temper tantrums.
349
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:50,009
I just think she's, you know,
350
00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:52,044
standing up
for what she believes in.
351
00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:54,480
I respect that.
352
00:14:55,715 --> 00:14:57,883
Hey, what about this?
353
00:14:57,884 --> 00:15:00,419
I'll take you out
on the boat sometime.
354
00:15:01,087 --> 00:15:03,689
You've got to see this boat.
355
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:05,324
She's breathtaking.
356
00:15:05,325 --> 00:15:08,027
ANNOUNCER: Kids, there's an amazing
architectural phenomenon
357
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:09,962
in the Natural History Museum.
358
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:11,664
If you stand in the right spot,
359
00:15:11,665 --> 00:15:14,523
you can hear
an entire conversation
360
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:17,483
all the way across the room.
361
00:15:20,206 --> 00:15:21,974
July 23, 1981,
362
00:15:21,975 --> 00:15:23,075
incident report.
363
00:15:23,076 --> 00:15:25,778
At approximately 1000 hours,
364
00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:26,779
No.
...vandal dislodged
365
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:30,549
rib from triceratops skeleton...
No...
366
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:32,384
...and flung said rib
at giant whale.
367
00:15:32,385 --> 00:15:33,986
No.
368
00:15:33,987 --> 00:15:37,189
Causing said giant whale to fall
in a downward trajectory.
369
00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:38,557
No.
And the vandal's name...
370
00:15:38,558 --> 00:15:40,492
No.
371
00:15:40,493 --> 00:15:43,429
Well, I'll be damned...
Barney Stinson.
372
00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:45,230
No! No!
373
00:15:45,231 --> 00:15:47,366
Who's the master, Leroy?
374
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,834
Stinson was reprimanded
375
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:52,604
and returned to the custody
of his father, Jerome Whittaker.
376
00:15:52,605 --> 00:15:55,207
Uh, no, uncle.
Jerome Whittaker is my uncle.
377
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,209
Uncle Jerry. Says father.
Even signed it
378
00:15:57,210 --> 00:16:00,045
and checked the box
for father and everything.
379
00:16:01,915 --> 00:16:05,617
Jerry's my uncle.
380
00:16:15,695 --> 00:16:17,930
MARSHALL:
Lily?
381
00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:22,634
Honey, what's wrong?
382
00:16:22,635 --> 00:16:24,103
You okay?
383
00:16:24,104 --> 00:16:26,338
Do you want a hit
of this sandwich?
384
00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:28,407
I want you.
385
00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:31,960
Awesome. Let me just put
a sock on the doorknob.
386
00:16:31,961 --> 00:16:33,979
No. I mean, I want you
387
00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:36,648
as opposed to who you've become.
388
00:16:36,649 --> 00:16:39,284
You've changed so much.
389
00:16:39,285 --> 00:16:41,186
What? How have I changed?
390
00:16:41,187 --> 00:16:43,922
Did I cheat on you?
391
00:16:43,923 --> 00:16:44,857
No.
392
00:16:44,858 --> 00:16:46,425
Did I stop writing poems
for you?
393
00:16:46,426 --> 00:16:48,761
Yes, but I'm okay with that.
394
00:16:48,762 --> 00:16:53,465
Am I not as good at making
the sweet, sweet love to you?
395
00:16:53,466 --> 00:16:55,667
Actually, you're way better now.
396
00:16:55,668 --> 00:16:58,570
You last, like, two,
three times as long.
397
00:16:58,571 --> 00:17:01,273
You said that any longer
would be too much.
398
00:17:01,274 --> 00:17:04,943
It's okay. College Lily thinks
those are orgasms.
399
00:17:04,944 --> 00:17:06,612
No, it's...
400
00:17:06,613 --> 00:17:08,047
it's none of that.
401
00:17:08,048 --> 00:17:11,717
It's just this new Marshall...
Corporate Marshall...
402
00:17:11,718 --> 00:17:13,118
he wears suits
403
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,620
all the time.
404
00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:17,022
He doesn't care about
saving the world.
405
00:17:17,023 --> 00:17:19,525
He's not you.
406
00:17:19,526 --> 00:17:21,493
I want you back.
407
00:17:21,494 --> 00:17:24,830
Well, you can't have me.
408
00:17:24,831 --> 00:17:28,700
Look at the sign.
409
00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:30,269
I'm extinct.
410
00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:32,571
I've gone the way
of Jane's Addiction.
411
00:17:32,572 --> 00:17:34,973
Actually, Jane's Addiction
got back together.
412
00:17:34,974 --> 00:17:36,442
They did?
413
00:17:36,443 --> 00:17:39,178
Yeah, they've done a few tours,
they put out a new album.
414
00:17:39,179 --> 00:17:41,080
Are you serious?!
That is awesome!
415
00:17:41,081 --> 00:17:42,347
Are they just as good?
416
00:17:42,348 --> 00:17:43,849
Sure.
417
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:47,619
Look, I know that
Corporate Marshall
418
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:51,356
wears a tie and everything,
but it sounds like
419
00:17:51,357 --> 00:17:54,326
he hasn't changed
where it counts.
420
00:17:59,999 --> 00:18:01,032
Hey.
421
00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:02,167
Hi.
422
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:04,269
Look, Lily,
423
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,438
I know that you
would have been okay
424
00:18:06,439 --> 00:18:09,308
if we were poor and I was
trying to save the world,
425
00:18:09,309 --> 00:18:11,443
but will you still be okay
426
00:18:11,444 --> 00:18:13,512
if I make a lot of money
427
00:18:13,513 --> 00:18:17,616
and I spend all of it
spoiling you and our kids?
428
00:18:18,952 --> 00:18:21,353
We'll make it work.
429
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,930
There he goes.
430
00:18:31,931 --> 00:18:34,099
The Marathon Man.
431
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,535
Mr. Stamina himself.
432
00:18:36,536 --> 00:18:41,373
I can kiss better
than that old man.
433
00:18:41,374 --> 00:18:44,409
So when was the last
time you saw him?
434
00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:47,146
It was that day...
435
00:18:47,147 --> 00:18:49,948
July 23, 1981.
436
00:18:49,949 --> 00:18:52,518
My mom got pretty mad
that he let me destroy
437
00:18:52,519 --> 00:18:54,052
a New York City landmark.
438
00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:55,988
Moms.
439
00:18:55,989 --> 00:18:58,790
He never came around
anymore after that.
440
00:18:59,592 --> 00:19:02,327
Think he moved away.
441
00:19:02,328 --> 00:19:04,796
Well, maybe the security guy
had it wrong.
442
00:19:04,797 --> 00:19:06,565
You never know...
443
00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:09,735
But you do know, you do know.
That's the thing. You know.
444
00:19:11,738 --> 00:19:14,273
He's my dad.
445
00:19:14,274 --> 00:19:16,241
Barney, do you want...?
446
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,793
I don't want to do anything.
447
00:19:17,794 --> 00:19:20,279
Don't tell anyone
about this, okay?
448
00:19:21,714 --> 00:19:23,415
TED: I'm serious.
It's a great look.
449
00:19:23,416 --> 00:19:25,334
I think it could come
back, but one question.
450
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:27,469
Does it cost half
as much as glasses?
451
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,287
Can I steal you for a second?
452
00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:35,460
You don't need
to worry. I...
453
00:19:35,461 --> 00:19:36,962
What are you doing?
454
00:19:36,963 --> 00:19:39,765
Oh, I thought we were...
455
00:19:39,766 --> 00:19:42,034
Fine.
456
00:19:42,802 --> 00:19:44,469
I erased the tape.
457
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:46,071
What?
458
00:19:46,072 --> 00:19:47,506
I don't need it.
459
00:19:47,507 --> 00:19:49,241
I'm going to beat
you fair and square.
460
00:19:49,242 --> 00:19:51,777
Thanks.
461
00:19:51,778 --> 00:19:52,995
But it's good to know
462
00:19:52,996 --> 00:19:56,949
how easily you can be
manipulated by a woman.
463
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:59,651
You look gross when
you cry, you know that?
464
00:19:59,652 --> 00:20:01,453
Some women look cute.
465
00:20:01,454 --> 00:20:03,388
You look like a basset hound.
466
00:20:03,389 --> 00:20:05,457
Oh, laugh it up now.
467
00:20:05,458 --> 00:20:07,426
Because starting Monday,
468
00:20:07,427 --> 00:20:09,327
I got you in my crosshairs.
469
00:20:09,328 --> 00:20:11,763
Bring it on, Princess.
470
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,326
ARTHUR:
Eriksen...
471
00:20:35,405 --> 00:20:37,640
It's, uh, 3:00 a.m.
472
00:20:37,641 --> 00:20:41,844
You know what, you might
as well not even go home.
473
00:20:47,551 --> 00:20:49,018
(sighs)
474
00:20:49,019 --> 00:20:51,887
And so Marshall stayed right on
at Goliath National Bank.
475
00:20:51,888 --> 00:20:55,925
Of course,
it wouldn't last forever.
476
00:20:55,926 --> 00:20:59,127
But that's another story.
477
00:20:59,128 --> 00:21:08,499
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