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Kids, sometimes wonderful things
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come out of horrible situations.
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Like, remember that trip I took to Hong Kong
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where I got stuck in the airport?
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Well, a funny thing happened that day.
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Yes, I realize it's raining,
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but, come on, it's 2021.
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We can make cell phones
that project holograms,
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but a light drizzle shuts
down a whole airport?
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Hey, Ted.
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Hey...
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There she is.
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Wow.
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Wendy the Waitress. Wendy the Waitress!
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I was just saying-- what are you doing here?
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What was she doing there?
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For that, we have to back
up about ten years.
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So, Barney, I hear you and Nora
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had a fun time at laser tag.
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I don't know where you heard that.
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It was a disaster.
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Not according to her.
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Oh, my God, this was so much fun.
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We have to do this again. We do, we have to.
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You want to grab a drink right now?
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No, I'm kind of tired.
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But...
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this is my number.
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Give me a call.
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Absolutely.
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How is that a disaster?
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She didn't want to get drinks.
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And as soon as a girl says
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she doesn't want to get drinks, well...
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You want to grab a drink right now? No,
I'm kind of tired.
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Absolutely.
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It's a shame, too.
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She was a really great laser tag partner.
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She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids.
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Please, Cheese. You like this girl.
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What? Nora?
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No, I don't.
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Barney, you can't say her
name without smiling.
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That's...
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Nora.
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Sorry, sorry.
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I was thinking of a funny thing
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that Nora said. Hmm.
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Stop it.
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No... ra.
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Nah...
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Damn it, what is the matter with me?
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You like her. You should call her.
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Call her?
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she had a nice face,
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her booty was in place,
but Barney don't chase.
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That is ridiculous.
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Barney, you know what, here's some advice.
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Totally.
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Transcript by Addic7ed.com
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www.addic7ed.com
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Kids, I had just started dating Zoey.
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And when you first start dating someone,
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everyone wants to know the same thing.
How did we meet?
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Oh, Ted, she doesn't want... No,
it's a cute story.
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Once upon a time...
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Zoey was married to this super rich,
super creepy guy
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called The Captain.
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So when Zoey and I became friends,
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I was careful not to cross any lines.
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Oh, man, this movie is scary.
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I know, right?
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But then one day,
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Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight.
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He flipped out and demanded a divorce.
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And she was heartbroken.
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But after a little soul-searching,
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she ended up back in my life,
and the rest, as they say,
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is history.
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Actually, I said, "How's your meat?"
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Oh.
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A little cold.
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Gee, wonder why.
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Oh, Ted, did you have a
chance to pick up that box
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I left at my old apartment?
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Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain.
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I mean this in a super manly way.
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That guy scares the panties off me.
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You don't have to see him.
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He left the box with the doorman.
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If it's really important to you,
I will pick it up tomorrow.
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All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big
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meaningless stack of paperwork
that I have to get off my desk
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to make room for tomorrow's big
meaningless stack of paperwork.
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But it's all worth it,
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you know, 'cause at least I know
I'm making the world a... place.
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All right, see you guys later.
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I'm worried about Marshall.
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He doesn't seem like himself lately.
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Yeah, he's been really... quiet.
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Well, that's just what
Minnesota guys are like--
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strong, silent, you know, man's man.
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Like Prince.
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No, it's more than that.
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It's like, all the stuff he used to love,
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he suddenly has no interest in anymore.
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Oh.
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Ha-wink.
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Excuse me?
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Lily, in my travels,
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I've developed a finely calibrated sense
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of how long it's been since--
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How do I not put this delicately?--
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a girl's been porked.
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And, boo,
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you've been pork-free so long,
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you're practically kosher.
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It's been a while.
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Five weeks, three days by my estimation.
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You should work at a carnival.
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I tried.
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They're pretty strict with backgrounds.
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Anyway, we should get going.
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Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys.
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Good night. Good night, guys.
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18 weeks.
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Damn it.
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Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell.
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Hmm.
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But I just started a new job,
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and dating's been on the back burner, and...
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Shh.
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Child, listen.
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If you're really hurting for it,
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I'd be more than happy to throw you one.
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Throw me one? Yeah.
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We're exes. We're probably
due for a backslide.
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Or we could just do it the normal way.
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Oh, I see what's going on.
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Yeah?
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This is about Nora.
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You met a girl, you liked her,
but then you missed your shot.
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And now you're trying to hook
up with your ex-girlfriend
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to prove to yourself that you don't care.
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Robin, you could not be more--
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What do you mean I missed my shot?
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Nora met a guy. What?!
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What?
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Yep. Off the market.
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He's taking her to Cafe
L'Amour this Friday night.
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But "L'Amour" means love!
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They're going to the cafe of love!
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I'm fine. It's fine.
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Point is,
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Robin, I don't even like Nora.
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Damn it!
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Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed?
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I can't sleep.
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Mmm.
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Anything I can do to help you with that?
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Maybe after this documentary on garbage.
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Man, I am losing my touch.
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Nearly twice the size of Texas,
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the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch,
or "Garbage Island,"
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is an enviwonmental disaster.
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Sepawated from its pawents,
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this young bird stwuggles to survive,
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stwangling itself in the
plastic wings of a six-pack.
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Marshall Eriksen, I think you
know what you have to do.
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I have to save the planet!
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Is it over? I call on top.
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Ow!
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A few days later, I headed over
to The Captain's building
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to get Zoey's box.
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I'm here to... Ted.
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What a surprise.
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Ted.
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Captain. I...
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You've come to rescue me
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from the capsized wreckage of my marriage.
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Mm...
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I hesitated calling you
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because I know you and Zoey were friendly.
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Pssh, nah... But my wife has left me.
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All my friends have abandoned me.
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Please,
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tell me you're on my side.
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Let's adjourn to the study.
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Garbage Island.
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You haven't heard
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of Garbage Island?
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It's an island...
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made of garbage!
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It's in the Pacific Ocean.
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It's twice the size of Texas!
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In other words,
one-eighth the size of Canada.
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So...
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Guys, I'm going environmental, okay?
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Phase one: the bar.
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00:07:37,986 --> 00:07:39,786
I've already convinced
MacLaren's to implement
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a new green initiative.
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That's 'cause of you?
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I got to carry an 80-pound bag of bottles
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to the recycling center every night.
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I threw my back out.
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You're welcome... Earth.
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GNB.
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Tomorrow I'm going to make a presentation
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in front of the board about how we can cut
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our carbon footprint by
half for only $12 million.
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00:08:02,243 --> 00:08:04,178
Dude, don't do that.
All they're going to hear
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00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:06,580
is "$12 million,
" and all you're going to hear
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00:08:06,581 --> 00:08:08,782
is the sound of the door
smacking your fired ass.
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00:08:08,783 --> 00:08:10,851
And some muffled laughter.
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00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:12,619
Which I apologize for in advance.
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00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:13,921
Guys,
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00:08:13,922 --> 00:08:15,088
I got a problem.
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I ran into The Captain.
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Ted, beneath this
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00:08:20,628 --> 00:08:25,132
lustrous mane,
I wear the horns of a cuckold.
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Zoey left me for another man.
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Wow.
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Do you have any idea who it could be?
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The Captain then told a story much different
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than the one I'd been telling.
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But one maybe just as true.
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Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy.
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Blissful as Arcadian shepherds.
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00:08:44,385 --> 00:08:45,552
I was Poseidon,
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she my Amphitrite.
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00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:49,656
I dare say, Scylla and Charybdis
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00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:51,758
could not have torn us asunder.
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We had great big boners for each other.
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But then...
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00:08:56,898 --> 00:08:59,132
enter the scoundrel.
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00:08:59,133 --> 00:09:02,469
Oh, man, this movie's scary.
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00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:05,439
I know, eh?
238
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,623
I don't know what he looks like,
239
00:09:06,624 --> 00:09:07,841
but I picture him with a mustache.
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00:09:07,842 --> 00:09:09,076
Yes!
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00:09:09,077 --> 00:09:11,845
Limit the search to guys
with mustaches. Smart.
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00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:15,415
Anyway, soon the inevitable happened.
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She told me she was in love
with someone else.
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Obviously, it made me angry.
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00:09:20,288 --> 00:09:22,689
And that's the last time you saw her.
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00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:24,658
But I gathered my composure,
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00:09:24,659 --> 00:09:26,727
and told her I'd do anything to keep her.
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00:09:26,728 --> 00:09:28,428
I begged her not to leave.
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00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:30,397
We made love that night.
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00:09:31,866 --> 00:09:34,301
That's damn good brandy.
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But morning came,
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00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,238
and she was gone.
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Oh, Captain...
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00:09:40,992 --> 00:09:42,476
don't blame yourself.
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00:09:42,477 --> 00:09:45,212
I don't blame myself. Hmm?
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00:09:45,213 --> 00:09:49,116
There's only one man I blame for this.
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00:09:49,117 --> 00:09:50,083
Me.
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00:09:51,019 --> 00:09:52,352
I'm the bad guy.
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00:09:52,353 --> 00:09:55,622
Well, maybe to him you are, but in the story
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of picking up the box for Zoey,
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you're the hero.
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00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,994
Damn it! The box!
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00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:10,804
Baby, baby, I really got to
work on this presentation.
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00:10:10,805 --> 00:10:12,406
Oh, that's too bad,
265
00:10:12,407 --> 00:10:15,859
'cause I was going to make a
little presentation of my own.
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00:10:18,246 --> 00:10:21,915
from now until tomorrow afternoon,
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00:10:21,916 --> 00:10:26,553
I do this, and then
tomorrow night, I do that.
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Deal.
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00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:32,959
Come on, come on.
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00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,328
Lily!
271
00:10:36,831 --> 00:10:40,300
You lying little minx.
272
00:10:40,301 --> 00:10:42,936
I happened to be at Cafe L'Amour tonight
273
00:10:42,937 --> 00:10:45,439
from 5:00 p.m. until closing,
274
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,607
reading a newspaper with
two holes cut out of it,
275
00:10:47,608 --> 00:10:49,142
and I never saw Nora
276
00:10:49,143 --> 00:10:50,944
or this Italian race car
driver she's dating.
277
00:10:50,945 --> 00:10:52,779
Sorry. Who said anything about an...?
278
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:55,015
Come on, you just know he's
an Italian race car driver.
279
00:10:55,016 --> 00:10:56,216
No, he's not. He doesn't exist.
280
00:10:56,217 --> 00:10:58,685
I made the whole thing up
to see if you like her.
281
00:10:58,686 --> 00:10:59,953
And you do.
282
00:11:00,922 --> 00:11:02,255
So you should just call her.
283
00:11:03,057 --> 00:11:05,025
Here is her number.
284
00:11:08,579 --> 00:11:10,030
And I also programmed it
285
00:11:10,031 --> 00:11:12,666
into your phone while you
were in the bathroom.
286
00:11:16,604 --> 00:11:19,840
Wow. That was a joke.
You just got here, remember?
287
00:11:20,942 --> 00:11:23,176
You really are smitten.
288
00:11:23,177 --> 00:11:24,444
No, I'm not.
289
00:11:24,445 --> 00:11:25,545
I'm Barney Stinson.
290
00:11:25,546 --> 00:11:28,382
I don't get smitten, I smite!
291
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:29,983
You are totally smitten,
292
00:11:29,984 --> 00:11:31,952
but you're scared of
being in a relationship.
293
00:11:31,953 --> 00:11:33,053
No, I'm not.
294
00:11:33,054 --> 00:11:35,922
I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin.
295
00:11:35,923 --> 00:11:38,191
If I got serious with Nora, it would be like
296
00:11:38,192 --> 00:11:40,093
if Mother Teresa focused
all her attention on
297
00:11:40,094 --> 00:11:42,195
one really hot orphan.
298
00:11:42,196 --> 00:11:45,732
With great penis comes great responsibility.
299
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:49,236
Okay, Mother Teresa,
300
00:11:49,237 --> 00:11:50,604
throw me one.
301
00:11:50,605 --> 00:11:52,005
Sorry?
302
00:11:52,006 --> 00:11:54,207
I would like it if you threw me one.
303
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:55,842
Fastball, right down the middle.
304
00:11:55,843 --> 00:11:59,112
Actually, if I recall correctly,
a slight curve.
305
00:11:59,113 --> 00:12:01,448
Careful, Robin, I'll do it.
306
00:12:01,449 --> 00:12:03,250
Oh, I don't think you will. Hmm.
307
00:12:03,251 --> 00:12:05,719
Because you don't want to
screw things up with Nora.
308
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,887
Hey, prove me wrong.
309
00:12:06,888 --> 00:12:08,555
Tomorrow night, my place.
310
00:12:08,556 --> 00:12:10,123
Don't poke the dragon, Robin,
311
00:12:10,124 --> 00:12:13,260
'cause the dragon will poke you back.
312
00:12:17,949 --> 00:12:19,866
Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.
313
00:12:19,867 --> 00:12:21,268
Oh, no, baby, come on.
314
00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:23,637
Today didn't go so well.
315
00:12:23,638 --> 00:12:25,839
The green initiative,
316
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,741
for only $12 million, will change the way...
317
00:12:27,742 --> 00:12:28,875
Okay, I've heard enough.
318
00:12:28,876 --> 00:12:31,344
Don't we already have a green initiative?
319
00:12:31,345 --> 00:12:33,613
I mean, didn't we do a whole thing?
320
00:12:33,614 --> 00:12:35,982
Hang a banner, make a video,
Sting was there.
321
00:12:35,983 --> 00:12:37,384
I thought I met Sting.
322
00:12:37,385 --> 00:12:38,418
You did meet Sting.
323
00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:39,669
Yeah, I met Sting.
324
00:12:39,670 --> 00:12:42,305
So why on Earth would we
spend another $12 million?
325
00:12:42,306 --> 00:12:44,090
Well, because we can always do more.
326
00:12:44,091 --> 00:12:46,059
Yeah, but I met Sting.
327
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:48,895
Well, meeting Sting isn't
gonna fix anything, Arthur!
328
00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:52,599
Who here supports Eriksen's proposal?
329
00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:56,670
Well, he has some good points.
330
00:12:56,671 --> 00:12:57,871
Meeker, you're fired!
331
00:12:57,872 --> 00:13:01,074
And as for you, Eriksen...
His father just died.
332
00:13:01,075 --> 00:13:02,909
...nice presentation.
333
00:13:02,910 --> 00:13:04,778
We'll keep it under advisement.
334
00:13:05,913 --> 00:13:07,781
Meeker got fired because of me.
335
00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:09,616
I'm the bad guy.
336
00:13:09,617 --> 00:13:11,785
No, sweetie, just-just put all that
337
00:13:11,786 --> 00:13:14,120
out of your mind and relax.
338
00:13:14,121 --> 00:13:18,825
Look, I got you a six-pack
of tall boys from the deli.
339
00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:28,034
Hey, baby. Yeah?
340
00:13:28,035 --> 00:13:30,003
What happened to the plastic rings
341
00:13:30,004 --> 00:13:32,005
that held the six-pack together?
342
00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:33,807
Oh, I-I don't know.
343
00:13:33,808 --> 00:13:35,508
I threw them down the garbage chute.
344
00:13:35,509 --> 00:13:36,693
Let's just use the handcuffs instead.
345
00:13:36,694 --> 00:13:39,179
Baby, birds can get caught in those
346
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,414
and then they dwown in a sea of wubbish!
347
00:13:41,415 --> 00:13:42,582
Weren't you listening?
348
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:44,417
Don't you care about Garbage Island?
349
00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,253
Marshall, right now,
I don't give a wat's ass
350
00:13:46,254 --> 00:13:47,220
about Garbage Island.
351
00:13:47,221 --> 00:13:48,822
Well, I do.
352
00:13:48,823 --> 00:13:50,624
I got to find those rings!
353
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,529
Cwap.
354
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,998
Hi, I'm here to pick up...
355
00:13:57,999 --> 00:13:59,332
Hello, Ted.
356
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:00,500
To the study?
357
00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:02,736
To the study! Mmm.
358
00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:05,722
Ted...
359
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:09,743
I know.
360
00:14:09,744 --> 00:14:11,411
Know what?
361
00:14:11,412 --> 00:14:13,246
I know who stole my Zoey.
362
00:14:13,247 --> 00:14:15,882
No man likes to be betrayed,
363
00:14:15,883 --> 00:14:17,551
especially by a friend.
364
00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:19,486
You can imagine then
365
00:14:19,487 --> 00:14:22,255
how painful it was when
I learned that the name
366
00:14:22,256 --> 00:14:23,490
of my betrayer is...
367
00:14:23,491 --> 00:14:26,660
Ted...
368
00:14:26,661 --> 00:14:28,945
when I tell you who it is, you're gonna...
369
00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:33,800
It's my doorman!
370
00:14:35,503 --> 00:14:37,537
That son of a bitch!
371
00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:43,792
You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman?
372
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:47,429
He always winks and tips
his hat when he sees her.
373
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:49,247
I know how these things work.
374
00:14:49,248 --> 00:14:50,365
He holds her package,
375
00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:52,033
and pretty soon, she's holding his.
376
00:14:52,034 --> 00:14:53,001
And then there's
377
00:14:53,002 --> 00:14:54,769
his glorious mustache.
378
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,371
I will have him fired for this!
379
00:14:56,372 --> 00:14:58,573
No, no, no, you can't fire him.
380
00:14:58,574 --> 00:15:00,041
You're right.
381
00:15:02,011 --> 00:15:05,380
Maritime protocol demands
physical retribution!
382
00:15:05,381 --> 00:15:06,515
Oh, my God! No, no!
383
00:15:06,516 --> 00:15:08,266
No physical retribution! Stop!
384
00:15:08,267 --> 00:15:10,652
Who is this flower child,
and what has he done
385
00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,521
with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby?!
386
00:15:12,522 --> 00:15:14,356
Look, look, yes, yes,
387
00:15:14,357 --> 00:15:16,124
the doorman is a scoundrel.
388
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,776
The mustache alone gives that away.
389
00:15:17,777 --> 00:15:20,779
He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion!
390
00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:23,431
Whoa, "rapscallion"
may be going a bit far, Ted.
391
00:15:23,432 --> 00:15:25,367
But it's not his fault, okay?
392
00:15:25,368 --> 00:15:26,902
It's nobody's fault.
393
00:15:26,903 --> 00:15:28,236
You and Zoey
394
00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:29,638
have nothing in common.
395
00:15:29,639 --> 00:15:31,640
For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats!
396
00:15:31,641 --> 00:15:32,841
You're just
397
00:15:32,842 --> 00:15:34,075
not right for each other.
398
00:15:34,076 --> 00:15:36,711
Look, I know it's tough to face,
but I'm sure
399
00:15:36,712 --> 00:15:39,381
a small part of you has always known that.
400
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:46,388
Why couldn't she just like boats?
401
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:49,758
Just to have one thing in common?
402
00:15:49,759 --> 00:15:51,560
Other girls like boats, don't they?
403
00:15:51,561 --> 00:15:53,428
Of course they do.
404
00:15:53,429 --> 00:15:56,064
And you'll find one.
405
00:15:56,065 --> 00:15:57,832
And you'll be much happier with her
406
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,734
than you ever were with Zoey.
407
00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:03,371
When you put it that way,
408
00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:05,774
I should almost thank the doorman.
409
00:16:05,775 --> 00:16:08,610
Yeah, yeah!
410
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:12,814
And, you know, since,
since it doesn't really matter
411
00:16:12,815 --> 00:16:14,516
who Zoey's dating now...
412
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:15,950
It doesn't, it really doesn't.
413
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,185
It doesn't.
414
00:16:18,054 --> 00:16:20,322
It's me. You're welcome.
415
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:31,066
Okay, baby, what gives?
416
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,768
I'm sorry, but neither of
us are getting any action
417
00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:35,737
until I find those rings.
418
00:16:37,073 --> 00:16:39,641
I hope this doesn't make me look desperate.
419
00:16:43,362 --> 00:16:44,496
All right, Robin,
420
00:16:44,497 --> 00:16:45,780
give it to me.
421
00:16:45,781 --> 00:16:48,650
Damn it, Barney, you failed my test!
422
00:16:48,651 --> 00:16:50,719
You know, I- I try to root for you.
423
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,953
Even as your ex-girlfriend,
424
00:16:51,954 --> 00:16:53,622
when you meet someone, I'm like,
425
00:16:53,623 --> 00:16:55,257
"Yeah, Barney, go get her!"
426
00:16:55,258 --> 00:16:57,092
But you know what? Just forget it.
427
00:16:57,093 --> 00:16:59,994
You're never gonna change.
I'm done trying to help you.
428
00:17:01,213 --> 00:17:03,265
The number.
429
00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:07,102
Give me the number,
'cause I really can't tell...
430
00:17:08,604 --> 00:17:10,872
Is that a seven or a nine?
431
00:17:10,873 --> 00:17:12,140
It's a five, idiot.
432
00:17:12,141 --> 00:17:15,377
A fi...? In what moon man
language is that a five?
433
00:17:15,378 --> 00:17:17,445
"Moon man language"?
What does that even mean?
434
00:17:17,446 --> 00:17:19,447
How am I supposed to see that's a five?
435
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:21,516
Look how you taped this up...
Fine, fine, fine.
436
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:23,851
I have a phone call to make.
437
00:17:25,554 --> 00:17:26,721
Barney.
438
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,190
Go get her.
439
00:17:32,361 --> 00:17:33,762
Listen, Zoey,
440
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,231
I need to ask you something.
441
00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:37,932
Did I steal you?
442
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,502
Well... yeah.
443
00:17:40,503 --> 00:17:42,103
You did.
444
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,505
By being the kind of
445
00:17:43,506 --> 00:17:46,474
sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think
446
00:17:46,475 --> 00:17:49,544
of stealing someone, you stole me.
447
00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:51,780
So I'm the bad guy.
448
00:17:51,781 --> 00:17:53,748
Great.
449
00:17:53,749 --> 00:17:55,684
Well, the story isn't over, Ted.
450
00:17:55,685 --> 00:17:58,019
It'll be years before we
know who's the good guy
451
00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:59,487
and who's the bad guy.
452
00:17:59,488 --> 00:18:01,256
I mean, yes,
453
00:18:01,257 --> 00:18:02,907
divorce sucks,
454
00:18:02,908 --> 00:18:07,062
but sometimes things need to fall apart
455
00:18:07,063 --> 00:18:09,230
to make way for better things.
456
00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:12,233
If you say so.
457
00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:15,203
I'm just saying,
the eggs are already broken.
458
00:18:15,204 --> 00:18:18,006
Let's make sure we get a
pretty good omelet out of it.
459
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,075
Okay, Marshall,
460
00:18:21,076 --> 00:18:23,945
seriously, what's going on?
461
00:18:25,881 --> 00:18:28,917
He'll never get to see how I turn out.
462
00:18:28,918 --> 00:18:30,585
What do you mean?
463
00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:32,387
My dad. You know,
464
00:18:32,388 --> 00:18:34,756
I used to, um, I used to always tell him
465
00:18:34,757 --> 00:18:36,458
that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer.
466
00:18:36,459 --> 00:18:38,693
And he was always so proud of me for that.
467
00:18:38,694 --> 00:18:39,961
But he never
468
00:18:39,962 --> 00:18:42,864
got to see the version of
me that was anything but
469
00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:44,799
a corporate stooge.
470
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,468
And now it's too late.
471
00:18:46,469 --> 00:18:49,938
And we're starting a family, you know.
472
00:18:49,939 --> 00:18:52,240
Are you avoiding sleeping with me
473
00:18:52,241 --> 00:18:54,442
'cause you don't want to start a family?
474
00:18:54,443 --> 00:18:58,146
Lily, if we have a baby right now,
475
00:18:58,147 --> 00:19:01,850
that is just it for me.
476
00:19:02,651 --> 00:19:04,185
The cement will dry,
477
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,756
and I will be stuck at GNB forever.
478
00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:09,791
Marshall,
479
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:13,194
if you want to quit your job and
go work for the NRDC right now,
480
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,797
then you need to do that right now.
481
00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:17,065
And then,
482
00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:19,401
once you've cleaned up all the oceans
483
00:19:19,402 --> 00:19:21,603
and saved the planet--
484
00:19:21,604 --> 00:19:25,640
you know, like, a year from now--
then we'll start a family.
485
00:19:25,641 --> 00:19:27,642
I don't know.
486
00:19:27,643 --> 00:19:30,645
So far, in the name of saving the planet,
487
00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:34,082
I've ruined your night,
I practically broke Wendy's back
488
00:19:34,083 --> 00:19:35,884
and I got Meeker fired.
489
00:19:35,885 --> 00:19:37,352
The guy must hate me.
490
00:19:37,353 --> 00:19:38,887
Meeker doesn't hate you.
491
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,089
Oh, Meeker hated him, all right.
492
00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:44,209
After all, Marshall was the
one who got him fired.
493
00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:46,094
Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's.
494
00:19:46,095 --> 00:19:48,463
So that night, he went there
to confront Marshall.
495
00:19:48,464 --> 00:19:50,298
But as luck would have it...
496
00:19:50,299 --> 00:19:52,934
Are you guys...? Closed. Sorry.
497
00:19:56,722 --> 00:19:58,106
Thanks.
498
00:19:58,107 --> 00:19:59,774
Rough night?
499
00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:01,876
Yeah. I'm sorry.
500
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:05,113
It's not your fault. It's no one's fault.
501
00:20:05,114 --> 00:20:06,781
Except for Marshall Eriksen.
502
00:20:06,782 --> 00:20:08,450
What did you just say?
503
00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:12,153
Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault.
504
00:20:12,154 --> 00:20:13,455
Why, do you know him?
505
00:20:13,456 --> 00:20:16,224
Know him? I hate that guy.
506
00:20:16,225 --> 00:20:17,859
Me, too.
507
00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:19,661
Well, hey.
508
00:20:19,662 --> 00:20:23,198
And the rest, as they say...
509
00:20:23,199 --> 00:20:24,566
...is history.
510
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:26,134
And three kids later,
511
00:20:26,135 --> 00:20:28,870
we decided to come here
on our second honeymoon.
512
00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:30,722
Wow.
513
00:20:30,723 --> 00:20:32,607
That's a pretty good omelet.
514
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,442
Oh, and hey, what about you?
515
00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:35,477
You still with Zoey?
516
00:20:35,478 --> 00:20:39,180
No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well.
517
00:20:39,181 --> 00:20:40,265
But it's all for the best,
518
00:20:40,266 --> 00:20:41,516
'cause now I'm married to
519
00:20:41,517 --> 00:20:43,268
an amazing girl, we have two kids.
520
00:20:43,269 --> 00:20:45,753
It's actually a funny story of how we met.
521
00:20:45,754 --> 00:20:48,490
I was a best man at this wedding...
522
00:20:48,491 --> 00:20:51,459
Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you,
but we got to run.
523
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:54,696
Okay, well, have a safe trip.
It was great seeing you.
524
00:21:00,603 --> 00:21:02,303
Hello. Marshall.
525
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:03,404
Hey, Ted.
526
00:21:03,405 --> 00:21:07,008
Hey. You will not believe
who I just ran into.
527
00:21:07,009 --> 00:21:08,209
www.addic7ed.com