1
00:00:00,981 --> 00:00:03,049
Kids, when your Uncle Marshall
finally quit
2
00:00:03,059 --> 00:00:05,693
Goliath National Bank to do
something better with his life,
3
00:00:05,774 --> 00:00:07,374
he left on great terms
with his boss.
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,477
Good luck, Marshall. And promise
5
00:00:09,478 --> 00:00:11,812
you'll list me as a reference.
6
00:00:14,499 --> 00:00:15,883
Which made Marshall's
big interview
7
00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:17,918
with a respected
environmental organization
8
00:00:17,919 --> 00:00:19,153
all the more confusing.
9
00:00:19,154 --> 00:00:20,654
I'm sorry. I don't think
you're the kind
10
00:00:20,655 --> 00:00:22,022
of person we're looking for.
11
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:25,126
I just got off the phone
with Arthur Hobbs over at GNB.
12
00:00:25,127 --> 00:00:27,328
Oh, yeah, I worked
with Marshall Eriksen...
13
00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:29,897
at least I did
when he actually showed up.
14
00:00:29,898 --> 00:00:33,467
Marshall! Hey, it's,
uh, it's 2:30.
15
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,386
If it's no big deal,
we'd sure love it
16
00:00:35,387 --> 00:00:37,505
if you'd try to get here
at least before lunch.
17
00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:40,274
Yeah? And I'd sure love
to give a rat's ass.
18
00:00:44,729 --> 00:00:46,580
Oh! Mr. Eriksen...
19
00:00:46,581 --> 00:00:49,049
You're not wearing any pants.
20
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,452
Your move.
21
00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:57,408
But Marshall, wh...
What about the environment?
22
00:00:57,409 --> 00:01:00,528
Screw the environment!
23
00:01:00,529 --> 00:01:02,129
"Screw the environment"?!
24
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,564
Oh, yeah.
25
00:01:03,565 --> 00:01:07,234
We fired him when we caught him
clubbing a seal in his office
26
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,470
with an even cuter seal.
27
00:01:09,471 --> 00:01:11,639
The guy's a maniac.
28
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,726
He's just an awful,
flatulent racist.
29
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:16,811
Sir, none of that is...
30
00:01:16,812 --> 00:01:19,613
Sorry. Interview over.
31
00:01:22,717 --> 00:01:26,554
And so Marshall stormed over
to GNB, where he ran into Zoey.
32
00:01:26,555 --> 00:01:28,272
If you want to get back
at those jerks,
33
00:01:28,273 --> 00:01:30,624
I have a proposition for you.
34
00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:35,262
Invitations for the demolition
of The Arcadian.
35
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,698
As head of the project, I get
to decide how we knock it down.
36
00:01:37,699 --> 00:01:40,918
I'm torn between training
an actual coyote
37
00:01:40,919 --> 00:01:42,770
to use an ACME dynamite plunger,
38
00:01:42,771 --> 00:01:46,040
or hooking up a fuse
to Eddie Van Halen's guitar
39
00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:49,009
that goes off the second
he hits the last note
40
00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:50,344
to "Hot For Teacher."
41
00:01:53,798 --> 00:01:56,467
Barney! Barney! Bar...
42
00:01:56,468 --> 00:01:58,452
No, no. I'm going to go coyote.
43
00:01:58,453 --> 00:02:01,088
Wait. While no one
wants to see
44
00:02:01,089 --> 00:02:03,390
a, uh, coyote wearing
a little hard hat
45
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,092
more than me, remember:
46
00:02:05,093 --> 00:02:08,262
Zoey's protest could still
shut your whole project down.
47
00:02:08,263 --> 00:02:10,097
Oh, come on. Zoey's not
shutting anything down,
48
00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:11,665
standing out there
with her stupid megaphone,
49
00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:15,135
screaming in the wind; butt
cheeks trembling with fury;
50
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,872
her perky breasts heaving;
51
00:02:17,873 --> 00:02:20,274
her self-righteous nipples...
52
00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:21,775
Dude, that's my girlfriend.
53
00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:26,146
Point is, we are taking her
and The Arcadian down.
54
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,548
Am I right, Teddy Westside?
55
00:02:27,549 --> 00:02:29,300
You know it.
Ha-ha!
56
00:02:29,301 --> 00:02:31,118
Okay. See, that's
so weird to me.
57
00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:33,520
One second you're
defending Zoey,
58
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,556
and the next, you're talking
about her going down.
59
00:02:35,557 --> 00:02:37,725
Glad to know she's also
mouthy in a good way.
60
00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:40,094
What up?
61
00:02:40,095 --> 00:02:42,429
Dude, that's his girlfriend.
62
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,999
Isn't it tough
dating the woman
63
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,401
that's trying to prevent your
building from being built?
64
00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:48,702
At first, yes,
but we figured out
65
00:02:48,703 --> 00:02:51,672
a great way to deal with it:
we never talk about it.
66
00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:54,742
And since then, we've really been
enjoying each other's company.
67
00:02:54,743 --> 00:02:56,577
So, every time The
Arcadian comes up,
68
00:02:56,578 --> 00:02:59,179
you guys just awkwardly
change the subject?
69
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,748
Yeah, but you'd
be surprised.
70
00:03:00,749 --> 00:03:02,249
It doesn't even
come up that often.
71
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,951
- Hey, guys.
- ALL: Hey!
72
00:03:03,952 --> 00:03:07,454
Meet the new lawyer I hired
to help save The Arcadian.
73
00:03:11,326 --> 00:03:13,928
So Oprah's retiring. Oof!
74
00:03:13,929 --> 00:03:16,664
What's that world
gonna be like?
75
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,865
? How I Met Your Mother 6x22 ?
The Perfect Cocktail
Original Air Date on May 2, 2011
76
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:25,890
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
77
00:03:30,679 --> 00:03:33,881
Wait, Marshall's helping you
save The Arcadian, now?
78
00:03:33,882 --> 00:03:36,166
Yeah. Having a former
GNB employee
79
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,985
on our side
is huge for us.
80
00:03:37,986 --> 00:03:40,738
GNB is going down.
Yeah, totally.
81
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:46,160
So, they found water
on Mars. What?
82
00:03:46,161 --> 00:03:48,362
Listen, um,
I hate to go up
83
00:03:48,363 --> 00:03:49,997
against my two
best friends, but...
84
00:03:49,998 --> 00:03:51,832
I really, I really
need this right now.
85
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,167
I mean, we're, we're
cool, right?
86
00:03:53,168 --> 00:03:57,137
Not only do you quit the job
I stuck my neck out to get you,
87
00:03:57,138 --> 00:03:59,506
now you sabotage the
project I'm in charge of?
88
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,375
Is this because
I brushed Lily's boob
89
00:04:01,376 --> 00:04:02,576
with my elbow,
the other day?
90
00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:04,445
That was on purpose!
What now?
91
00:04:04,446 --> 00:04:06,313
I mean this is really like...
Barney, please...
92
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,616
And thus began an all-out war
between Barney and Marshall...
93
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,052
Delivery from
Mr. Stinson.
94
00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:14,054
Barney sent us pictures
of himself.
95
00:04:14,055 --> 00:04:16,156
Oh, God. What's he doing
to that megaphone?!
96
00:04:21,246 --> 00:04:22,763
Oh!
97
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,284
? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! ?
98
00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:29,370
Later, back at the bar...
99
00:04:29,371 --> 00:04:31,605
another war was just beginning.
100
00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:36,743
Babe, can I get you
a drink?
101
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,979
No, I'm still not...
102
00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:40,764
ready to put my mouth
on anything yet.
103
00:04:40,765 --> 00:04:42,783
I know.
104
00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:46,286
You know what?
Screw this.
105
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,971
Game on.
106
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,097
Can you believe this one?
107
00:04:57,098 --> 00:04:58,782
Wants our booth.
108
00:04:58,783 --> 00:05:00,367
Keeps giving us the walk-by.
109
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:03,454
That bitch is not
giving us the walk-by.
110
00:05:03,455 --> 00:05:04,872
The walk-by with the stink eye.
111
00:05:04,873 --> 00:05:06,473
A stink-eye-walk-by?!
112
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,442
Aw, hell no!
113
00:05:08,443 --> 00:05:10,044
I hope this drink
isn't teething,
114
00:05:10,045 --> 00:05:11,611
'cause it's about to get nursed.
115
00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:17,167
Barney! Your wife just called
from the hospital!
116
00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:18,752
It's a boy!
117
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,955
No.
I' was... I was...
118
00:05:23,458 --> 00:05:25,492
This went on for days.
119
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,428
Congratulations.
120
00:05:27,429 --> 00:05:30,464
You're about to be the 250th
girl that Barney has slept with.
121
00:05:30,465 --> 00:05:31,899
Pfff. Try 283.
122
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,501
250 was months ago.
No, no, no.
123
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,020
No, I mean,
you're totally 250, baby.
124
00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:38,489
No, don't.
125
00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:40,691
Oh, bye-bye.
126
00:05:44,245 --> 00:05:46,180
Mr. Stinson...
127
00:05:46,181 --> 00:05:49,483
I had to rush down as soon
as I got your results.
128
00:05:49,484 --> 00:05:50,501
I'm sorry,
129
00:05:50,502 --> 00:05:54,021
but your crabs have
super-herpes.
130
00:05:58,159 --> 00:05:59,927
Oh, boy.
131
00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:01,361
Look who's back.
132
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,765
Look, Lily, I think
this girl wants our seats.
133
00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:06,433
Should we leave...
or stay here
134
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:11,004
Lionel Richie style--
"All Night Long"?
135
00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:13,673
Excuse me waitress,
I'll have a mojito!
136
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,026
And you'll have a no-seat-ho.
137
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,060
Oh...!
138
00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:23,817
Ah, yes...
139
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:27,020
the sweet, smoky taste
of victory.
140
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,623
Are you sure it doesn't taste
like anything else?
141
00:06:31,025 --> 00:06:32,025
That's it!
142
00:06:32,026 --> 00:06:33,360
Kent! Kent!
143
00:06:34,362 --> 00:06:35,913
Oh, God! Ow...
144
00:06:35,914 --> 00:06:37,881
Why would you do that
to your own jacket?!
145
00:06:37,882 --> 00:06:40,200
That's what you get,
you traitor!
146
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:43,086
Oh, really? Really?
Yeah. Really.
147
00:06:43,087 --> 00:06:45,038
Really. That... what...
148
00:06:45,039 --> 00:06:48,175
Okay, enough! You
guys are out of here.
149
00:06:48,176 --> 00:06:50,377
Ejected!
150
00:06:50,378 --> 00:06:52,179
I meant all of you.
151
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:55,082
You're all banned
from the bar. Out!
152
00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:57,184
Carl!
153
00:06:57,185 --> 00:06:58,719
Oh...
This has nothing to do with us.
154
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,354
You're totally ridiculous.
155
00:07:04,776 --> 00:07:07,327
Don't look, baby. Just
don't look. Come on.
156
00:07:13,304 --> 00:07:16,139
This stupid feud isn't going to
end until Marshall and Barney
157
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,674
finally talk
about their feelings, cry,
158
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:20,343
and then hug it out
like they do on Oprah.
159
00:07:21,362 --> 00:07:23,363
Man, what are we going to do
without her?
160
00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:25,566
Oh...
161
00:07:28,169 --> 00:07:31,739
Wait, you know what, these guys are
not going to get all mushy sober.
162
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,540
We need to get
these bitches drunk.
163
00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:36,176
Yes, but the right kind
of drunk.
164
00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:38,779
Uh... we should go
with something mellow.
165
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,814
Maybe red wine?
166
00:07:40,815 --> 00:07:41,915
Oh, I don't know.
167
00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:44,418
Red wine has kind of
an odd effect on Barney.
168
00:07:44,419 --> 00:07:47,755
He reaches a point
of sad clarity.
169
00:07:47,756 --> 00:07:49,056
Ten, nine, eight...
170
00:07:49,057 --> 00:07:50,924
I'm a B-plus.
171
00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:52,793
My whole life,
I was hoping to be an A,
172
00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:55,028
and I'm a B-plus.
173
00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:57,030
And I'm okay with that.
174
00:07:57,031 --> 00:07:59,233
Happy New Year!
175
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:00,901
If we want them
to open up,
176
00:08:00,902 --> 00:08:03,403
I say we go
straight-up gin.
177
00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:05,439
Oh... last time
Marshall got gin-drunk
178
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,242
was at that douchey bar
Barney likes to go to.
179
00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:10,861
Marshall almost got
in a fight that night.
180
00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:19,920
Look at this meatball.
181
00:08:19,921 --> 00:08:23,624
He's headed right towards me,
showing me no respect.
182
00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:24,992
Well, if he wants
to play chicken,
183
00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:27,511
this rooster
ain't backing down!
184
00:08:30,398 --> 00:08:35,135
Oh. Mirror.
185
00:08:35,136 --> 00:08:36,804
How about martinis?
186
00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:38,038
Absolutely not.
187
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,307
I'm not going anywhere
near you and a martini.
188
00:08:40,308 --> 00:08:42,142
Why not?
189
00:08:42,143 --> 00:08:43,694
Ooh...
190
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:46,079
You know what
would be stupid?
191
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,514
If we made out.
192
00:08:47,515 --> 00:08:49,733
That would be so stupid.
193
00:08:50,819 --> 00:08:54,488
Hey, I dare you guys
to dare us to make out.
194
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,990
Every time.
195
00:08:56,991 --> 00:09:00,994
I only say that because
it would be so stupid if we did.
196
00:09:00,995 --> 00:09:03,430
So stupid...
197
00:09:03,431 --> 00:09:04,498
Uh-huh.
198
00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:08,602
Oh, yeah? Well... what
about you and absinthe?
199
00:09:08,603 --> 00:09:11,238
I don't know. We could have
water, soda, purple stuff...
200
00:09:11,239 --> 00:09:14,641
We're a dream a baby's having.
201
00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:16,093
We're a dream a baby's having.
202
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,446
I keep telling you,
that didn't happen.
203
00:09:19,447 --> 00:09:21,415
It happened,
and it changed me.
204
00:09:22,283 --> 00:09:23,550
How about daiquiris?
205
00:09:23,551 --> 00:09:26,737
Maybe. When Marshall
has daiquiris...
206
00:09:26,738 --> 00:09:30,357
he gets really into
how beautiful he is.
207
00:09:30,358 --> 00:09:35,796
Hey. I dare you guys
to dare us to make out.
208
00:09:35,797 --> 00:09:38,298
Hey, Marsh, you know
that's another mirror, right?
209
00:09:41,035 --> 00:09:42,536
Peppermint schnapps?
210
00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:43,737
No. Peppermint schnapps
211
00:09:43,738 --> 00:09:45,839
turns Barney
into Richard Dawson.
212
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,108
Who? The crazy old host
of Family Feud,
213
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,978
who greeted women
by kissing them on the mouth.
214
00:09:50,979 --> 00:09:52,679
Hey there, darlin'.
215
00:09:53,882 --> 00:09:55,549
How you doin'?
216
00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:58,218
Ah, is this your sister?
217
00:09:58,219 --> 00:09:59,553
Mmm...
218
00:09:59,554 --> 00:10:00,888
Beautiful.
219
00:10:00,889 --> 00:10:02,289
Mmm...
220
00:10:04,092 --> 00:10:05,459
Hey, where are our
chicken wings?
221
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:07,144
Show me chicken wings!
222
00:10:08,196 --> 00:10:11,315
Good order, Ted! Good order!
223
00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:13,734
Okay, I'm gonna go pick up Zoey,
then we're off.
224
00:10:13,735 --> 00:10:15,652
See you Sunday.
Oh, wait, Ted.
225
00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:19,506
Do you have a specific reaction
to any kind of alcohol?
226
00:10:19,507 --> 00:10:20,941
Bourbon.
227
00:10:20,942 --> 00:10:22,542
When I drink bourbon...
228
00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:25,796
I get weirdly good
at beatboxing.
229
00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:34,588
Peace, I'm out.
230
00:10:35,807 --> 00:10:37,257
Yes!
Yes!
231
00:10:37,258 --> 00:10:39,293
Yeah, Ted, I hate to tell you,
232
00:10:39,294 --> 00:10:42,429
but the bourbon only makes it
sound good to you.
233
00:10:46,301 --> 00:10:47,968
? Ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki, ki-ki ?
234
00:10:47,969 --> 00:10:49,469
? Ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka, ka-ka ?
235
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:52,105
? Koo-koo, koo-koo, koo-koo,
koo-koo, poo... poo... ?
236
00:10:53,341 --> 00:10:54,374
Poo!
237
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:56,510
Peace. I'm out.
238
00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:03,350
You had to take that away
from me, didn't you?
239
00:11:05,169 --> 00:11:07,504
Well, enjoy
Martha's Vineyard.
240
00:11:07,505 --> 00:11:08,822
Hopefully by the time
you get back,
241
00:11:08,823 --> 00:11:10,057
we'll be allowed
back into MacLaren's.
242
00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:11,458
What do you mean?
243
00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:13,994
Barney and Marshall's feud
got us banned from the bar.
244
00:11:13,995 --> 00:11:16,863
We lost our booth.
245
00:11:16,864 --> 00:11:17,998
Stop.
246
00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:21,168
Man, how did things
get so screwed up?
247
00:11:21,169 --> 00:11:23,670
Of course I knew
the answer to that.
248
00:11:23,671 --> 00:11:25,272
I was dating her.
249
00:11:25,273 --> 00:11:28,275
But I wasn't about to ruin our
first big romantic weekend away
250
00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:29,676
by bringing up the one topic
251
00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:32,112
we agreed was
completely off-limits.
252
00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:34,781
You and The Arcadian are
ruining my life! What?
253
00:11:34,782 --> 00:11:36,199
I thought we weren't
talking about...
254
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,734
We're talking about this.
255
00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:39,953
Look, I can handle you
trying to prevent me
256
00:11:39,954 --> 00:11:41,238
from fulfilling
a life-long dream.
257
00:11:41,239 --> 00:11:43,490
That's just being
in a relationship.
258
00:11:43,491 --> 00:11:45,459
But now? You turn my
best friend against me?
259
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,694
Marshall made his own choice.
Why aren't you mad at him?
260
00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:49,329
Because he's going through
a lot right now.
261
00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:50,881
He, he's looking for
something to believe in,
262
00:11:50,882 --> 00:11:52,249
and you took advantage of that.
263
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:54,167
You're, you're just like
those Internet swindlers
264
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:55,719
who tricked him
into paying 300 bucks
265
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,054
for a lock of Sasquatch fur.
266
00:11:57,055 --> 00:12:00,390
You cannot compare The Arcadian
to a Ziploc bag
267
00:12:00,391 --> 00:12:01,808
full of Turkish armpit hair.
268
00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:02,943
The Arcadian
269
00:12:02,944 --> 00:12:04,644
is a beautiful,
magnificent hotel.
270
00:12:04,645 --> 00:12:07,647
Okay. You know what? We're
settling this once and for all.
271
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:10,817
Okay.
272
00:12:10,818 --> 00:12:12,986
We've cross-referenced
every alcohol
273
00:12:12,987 --> 00:12:14,955
with Marshall
and Barney's reaction.
274
00:12:14,956 --> 00:12:16,957
What's the right drink
for this situation?
275
00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:18,792
Well, they're not talking.
276
00:12:18,793 --> 00:12:20,293
They're not even looking
at each other.
277
00:12:20,294 --> 00:12:22,996
That reminds me of those
awkward Sunday dinners
278
00:12:22,997 --> 00:12:24,731
with my mom, my dad
and his mistress.
279
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:27,634
Families, right?
280
00:12:27,635 --> 00:12:30,237
I-I guess. That...
281
00:12:30,238 --> 00:12:32,272
seems like a whole other thing.
282
00:12:33,174 --> 00:12:36,143
We need a drink that
will start a fight.
283
00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,914
Do you know what I had
to do to get you that job?
284
00:12:40,915 --> 00:12:42,182
Do you know what
I had to do
285
00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:43,583
to will myself to
show up every day?
286
00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:44,785
What, wear a wrinkled suit
287
00:12:44,786 --> 00:12:47,020
and not give a damn about
what your hair looked like?
288
00:12:47,021 --> 00:12:49,790
I showed up with wet hair once!
289
00:12:49,791 --> 00:12:50,891
Once!
290
00:12:50,892 --> 00:12:53,276
Oh, my God.
291
00:12:56,531 --> 00:12:58,782
Well, here we are.
292
00:12:58,783 --> 00:13:01,001
I had a reservation
at a four-star inn
293
00:13:01,002 --> 00:13:02,936
overlooking the ocean
but, uh...
294
00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:09,159
How can that compete with such a
beautiful, magnificent hotel?
295
00:13:14,415 --> 00:13:17,551
Welcome to
The Arcadian.
296
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:26,857
So here's the deal.
297
00:13:26,858 --> 00:13:31,227
If you can last until sunrise
in your precious Arcadian,
298
00:13:31,232 --> 00:13:32,366
I'll join your side.
299
00:13:32,449 --> 00:13:33,716
You're on.
300
00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,685
This place is fantastic.
301
00:13:35,686 --> 00:13:37,586
They even left a chocolate
on the pillow.
302
00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:38,888
That's not a chocolate.
303
00:13:42,626 --> 00:13:44,293
Okay, now we need to
get them something
304
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:46,195
that will make them
emotionally vulnerable
305
00:13:46,196 --> 00:13:47,830
and completely,
pathetically honest.
306
00:13:47,831 --> 00:13:49,365
Yeah, we need a drink that,
307
00:13:49,366 --> 00:13:52,401
that takes subtext and
turns it into text. Yeah.
308
00:13:55,839 --> 00:13:57,473
See, ever since
the death of my father,
309
00:13:57,474 --> 00:14:00,259
I have been drawn
to the idea of preservation.
310
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,311
That's why The Arcadian
speaks to me.
311
00:14:02,312 --> 00:14:05,681
Ever since my father
walked out on my childhood,
312
00:14:05,682 --> 00:14:08,117
I've had serious
abandonment issues.
313
00:14:08,118 --> 00:14:09,735
You walking out
on me like that...
314
00:14:09,736 --> 00:14:11,287
Oh God, I didn't even
think of that...
315
00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:13,789
It made me wonder, "What could
I have done to make him stay?"
316
00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:16,359
Look, you didn't do anything
wrong. It wasn't you, Barney.
317
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,760
That's what everyone
keeps saying
318
00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:19,195
but people just
keep leaving me.
319
00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:24,934
Wow. That got real o'clock.
Yeah.
320
00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:27,303
We need to get them up
and having fun.
321
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,795
Dance, my puppets,
dance!
322
00:14:35,796 --> 00:14:37,880
Now do you see why
I'm always interfering
323
00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:39,315
in other people's lives?
324
00:14:39,316 --> 00:14:41,317
Oh, God, totally!
325
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,554
Mm.
Please?
326
00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:49,358
Well, we're here for the night.
327
00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:51,727
Might as well have some fun.
328
00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:54,663
Care to join me?
329
00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,198
Dust just flew out
of that comforter
330
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:57,700
in the shape of a skull.
331
00:14:58,769 --> 00:15:01,170
Whoa, something just
passed through me.
332
00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:04,206
Can you get STDs from
the ghost of a prostitute?
333
00:15:07,577 --> 00:15:08,844
What are...
334
00:15:08,845 --> 00:15:10,446
What are you doing
in our bathroom?
335
00:15:10,447 --> 00:15:13,549
WOMAN
This bathroom for entire floor!
336
00:15:17,387 --> 00:15:18,988
Okay. Final round.
337
00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:21,123
What simple act
will get the boys
338
00:15:21,124 --> 00:15:22,525
to finally forgive each other?
339
00:15:22,526 --> 00:15:24,093
Sharing a brandy.
340
00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:27,163
Which is what I walked in
on my parents doing once.
341
00:15:27,164 --> 00:15:29,231
Brandy was my
father's mistress.
342
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:30,433
God, parents. Right?
343
00:15:30,434 --> 00:15:34,303
Again, just a whole
other thing, sweetie.
344
00:15:34,304 --> 00:15:35,871
Where'd they go?
345
00:15:35,872 --> 00:15:37,907
Oh, no.
They did shots.
346
00:15:37,908 --> 00:15:39,408
What? What is it?
347
00:15:39,409 --> 00:15:43,446
What's the worst thing they
could possibly drink right now?
348
00:15:49,953 --> 00:15:51,887
Your place or mi...
349
00:15:51,888 --> 00:15:55,291
Your place
or mi...
350
00:15:55,292 --> 00:15:57,760
Le-Let's go to
your place. Mm.
351
00:16:01,131 --> 00:16:04,366
Kids, don't drink tequila.
352
00:16:06,169 --> 00:16:08,938
Uh, these were supposed to
be for a romantic dinner
353
00:16:08,939 --> 00:16:10,539
on our balcony as we
were serenaded
354
00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:12,608
by the sounds of the ocean.
355
00:16:12,609 --> 00:16:14,877
But I guess we'll have to
settle for what sounded like
356
00:16:14,878 --> 00:16:18,247
two very large men
having sex next door...
357
00:16:18,248 --> 00:16:21,317
with a third very small man.
358
00:16:21,318 --> 00:16:22,551
I think that small man
359
00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:24,887
sounded very moved by
The Arcadian's beauty.
360
00:16:24,888 --> 00:16:27,756
Okay. What is it?
361
00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:30,192
And don't give me,
"It's beautiful."
362
00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,194
Don't give me,
"It's magnificent""
363
00:16:32,195 --> 00:16:34,430
What is it about this place
364
00:16:34,431 --> 00:16:36,799
that makes you so passionate
to save it?
365
00:16:41,538 --> 00:16:43,706
Well...
366
00:16:43,707 --> 00:16:47,243
When I was a little girl...
367
00:16:47,244 --> 00:16:49,211
my family used to live here.
368
00:16:49,212 --> 00:16:51,514
Why, why have you
never told me that?
369
00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:54,150
I never told anyone that.
370
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:56,085
It makes it sound like
it would be impossible
371
00:16:56,086 --> 00:16:58,053
for me to be
objective, but...
372
00:17:00,023 --> 00:17:03,325
The truth is, I...
373
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,461
I loved growing up here.
374
00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,298
We had just moved to New York.
375
00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:11,934
We were completely broke.
376
00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:14,737
But my mom told
my sisters and me
377
00:17:14,738 --> 00:17:16,539
that The Arcadian was a castle.
378
00:17:17,674 --> 00:17:19,608
And we believed her.
379
00:17:20,977 --> 00:17:25,915
I know it's not
what it used to be...
380
00:17:25,916 --> 00:17:29,952
but this building
is a part of who I am.
381
00:17:31,388 --> 00:17:34,089
And that's why I want so badly
382
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:37,226
for you to like it, too.
383
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:40,996
Kids, you never forget
the first time-- or place--
384
00:17:40,997 --> 00:17:42,731
you tell a girl:
385
00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,667
I love you.
386
00:17:44,668 --> 00:17:47,469
I love you, too.
387
00:17:56,646 --> 00:17:58,347
Come on in, you're un-banned.
388
00:17:58,348 --> 00:17:59,448
I gave these guys
389
00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:01,750
some drinks and they calmed down
and made up.
390
00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:04,053
Well, what drink
finally did the trick?
391
00:18:05,956 --> 00:18:08,023
Of course,
392
00:18:08,024 --> 00:18:08,991
beer.
Beer.
393
00:18:08,992 --> 00:18:12,061
I love you.
I love you.
394
00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:14,730
Uh, no. N-Not right...
395
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:18,300
You know,
396
00:18:18,301 --> 00:18:20,869
I guess this place isn't so bad.
397
00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:23,405
See? With a little renovation,
we could restore it
398
00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:24,340
to its former...
399
00:18:24,341 --> 00:18:25,975
What was that?
What was what?
400
00:18:25,976 --> 00:18:27,743
I think it went under the bed.
Yeah.
401
00:18:27,744 --> 00:18:28,544
I don't see anything.
402
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,348
That, that was...
that!
403
00:18:32,349 --> 00:18:34,183
Oh, my God!
404
00:18:34,184 --> 00:18:35,884
It's the cock-a-mouse!
405
00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:37,353
The what?
406
00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:38,787
Cock-a-mouse.
407
00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:41,924
Part cockroach,
part mouse.
408
00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:43,659
It used to live
in our apartment.
409
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:46,095
It must have settled
here, and... Oh!
410
00:18:46,096 --> 00:18:47,896
Look, it had babies!
Good for it.
411
00:18:49,232 --> 00:18:51,216
Ew....
412
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,302
I give up. You win. Let's go!
413
00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:58,207
Be well, my friends!
414
00:19:03,647 --> 00:19:06,181
Aw, just how we left them.
415
00:19:06,182 --> 00:19:08,400
Morning.
416
00:19:08,401 --> 00:19:10,219
Who wants breakfast?
417
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,204
You have some coffee?
418
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:15,291
So I can throw it in
this traitor's face?
419
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:17,710
Oh, yeah? Hey! Hey!
Do you guys have some
420
00:19:17,711 --> 00:19:21,130
pancakes, because I... would
really like some pancakes.
421
00:19:21,131 --> 00:19:23,265
They're fantastic. Let's
be honest, I love them.
422
00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:24,900
But I hate this guy!
423
00:19:24,901 --> 00:19:27,036
I thought they
made up last night.
424
00:19:27,037 --> 00:19:29,338
Damn it, I know what happened.
425
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:32,675
I love you.
I love you.
426
00:19:33,810 --> 00:19:35,227
Uh, no. N-not right...
427
00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:38,047
Carl,
428
00:19:38,048 --> 00:19:40,316
a round of champagne.
Ooh!
429
00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:41,617
The champagne.
430
00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:43,185
We gave them one drink too many.
431
00:19:43,186 --> 00:19:45,120
They must've blacked out
and forgotten the whole thing.
432
00:19:45,121 --> 00:19:46,888
What kind of dirtbag
433
00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,924
doesn't stand by
his best friends,
434
00:19:48,925 --> 00:19:52,428
but instead sides with
some self-righteous bitch
435
00:19:52,429 --> 00:19:55,164
with a pointless cause and a megaphone?
Dude.
436
00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,433
That's my girlfriend.
437
00:19:57,434 --> 00:20:00,002
And you know what?
438
00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:02,871
I'm on her side now, too.
439
00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:06,975
Whoa, whoa, you have got
to be kidding me. Ted...
440
00:20:06,976 --> 00:20:08,911
Okay, what drink can fix this?
441
00:20:08,912 --> 00:20:10,295
Mama's done with this drama.
442
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:13,449
What drink can fix the headache
these clowns are giving me?
443
00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:16,118
I got it.
444
00:20:18,688 --> 00:20:20,589
Right?
445
00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:23,308
Time is music the planets make.
446
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,393
Music the planets make...
447
00:20:41,013 --> 00:20:43,915
What is that?
448
00:20:52,191 --> 00:20:55,691
== sync, corrected by elderman ==