1 00:00:01,220 --> 00:00:04,265 Oh, God, guys, I'm still really hungover. 2 00:00:04,269 --> 00:00:05,635 Did I really ruin a wedding? 3 00:00:05,637 --> 00:00:08,004 No, you didn't ruin a wedding. 4 00:00:08,006 --> 00:00:09,406 Just the reception. 5 00:00:09,408 --> 00:00:11,341 And the bar mitzvah next door. 6 00:00:11,343 --> 00:00:13,026 And my dress. 7 00:00:13,028 --> 00:00:15,278 And your dress. You put on a dress at one point. 8 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,614 Okay, you know what, that's it. 9 00:00:17,616 --> 00:00:20,283 I'm about to be a dad, and I want to be 10 00:00:20,285 --> 00:00:22,935 the kind of man that my child can look up to. 11 00:00:22,937 --> 00:00:25,405 So, sweeping declaration-- 12 00:00:25,407 --> 00:00:29,709 I am never getting drunk again as long as I live. 13 00:00:29,711 --> 00:00:31,777 I'm serious. 14 00:00:31,779 --> 00:00:34,264 Kids, it's not that your Uncle Marshall 15 00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:35,565 had a drinking problem. 16 00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,684 But whenever he made a sweeping declaration like that, 17 00:00:37,686 --> 00:00:39,519 you pretty much knew... 18 00:00:41,121 --> 00:00:42,388 I did it again. 19 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,674 But I'm getting ahead of myself. 20 00:00:45,893 --> 00:00:47,844 What happened to your leg? 21 00:00:47,846 --> 00:00:49,312 Oh, nothing. 22 00:00:49,314 --> 00:00:51,014 I'm meeting Nora for coffee. 23 00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:53,433 She's still mad at me, so I need some sympathy points. 24 00:00:53,435 --> 00:00:54,800 She likes musicals, so I'm going 25 00:00:54,802 --> 00:00:56,302 to tell her I fell off the stage 26 00:00:56,304 --> 00:00:58,021 during a performance of Man of La Mancha. 27 00:00:58,023 --> 00:00:59,138 What do you think? 28 00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,773 Lose the cast. 29 00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:03,409 A one-man show-- I like it! 30 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:05,612 Just so we're clear-- 31 00:01:05,614 --> 00:01:08,832 this woman is mad at you because you lied to her. 32 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:11,618 So your solution is to pretend you broke your leg? 33 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,703 You're right. 34 00:01:13,705 --> 00:01:15,872 A neck brace. Thanks, Lil. 35 00:01:15,874 --> 00:01:18,174 Man, I wish I'd have talked to you sooner. 36 00:01:18,176 --> 00:01:19,809 I've been practicing with these crutches all day 37 00:01:19,811 --> 00:01:21,845 and whoever left them in my lobby 38 00:01:21,847 --> 00:01:22,962 probably really needs 'em. 39 00:01:22,964 --> 00:01:25,164 Well, uh, I have some good news. 40 00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:28,551 As you all know, I recently decided to get back out there 41 00:01:28,553 --> 00:01:31,454 and start dating again. And, uh, well... 42 00:01:35,109 --> 00:01:37,126 Is this you? 43 00:01:37,128 --> 00:01:40,230 Uh, yeah. Hi. 44 00:01:40,232 --> 00:01:41,364 I'm Ted. 45 00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:42,632 - Hi. - Hi. 46 00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:44,784 That's great, Ted. 47 00:01:44,786 --> 00:01:46,686 Yeah. Yeah, it was a moment of pure destiny. 48 00:01:46,688 --> 00:01:49,155 The kind you just can't manufacture. 49 00:01:49,157 --> 00:01:51,190 Or so I thought. 50 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:57,196 Oh, no. How did I get on there? 51 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,148 Hi. Ted Mosby. 52 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,367 Guilty. 53 00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:03,169 Hi. Ted Mosby. 54 00:02:03,171 --> 00:02:04,921 That is embarrassing. 55 00:02:04,923 --> 00:02:09,142 I should be on the cover of Egg On My Face magazine. 56 00:02:09,144 --> 00:02:10,343 But I'm not. 57 00:02:10,345 --> 00:02:12,478 I'm on the cover of this one. 58 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,631 Hi. Ted Mosby. 59 00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:16,649 16 moments of pure destiny 60 00:02:16,651 --> 00:02:19,352 in one day, and of those 16, 61 00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,437 ten were single. 62 00:02:21,439 --> 00:02:24,607 Of those ten, seven liked what they saw. 63 00:02:24,609 --> 00:02:26,259 Of those seven, 64 00:02:26,261 --> 00:02:28,227 four were women. 65 00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:30,580 Of those four, 66 00:02:30,582 --> 00:02:31,864 two gave me their real number. 67 00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:34,667 And I have a date with both of them. 68 00:02:34,669 --> 00:02:36,452 Okay. 69 00:02:38,205 --> 00:02:39,505 Guys, 70 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,140 it's Garrison Cootes. 71 00:02:41,142 --> 00:02:43,092 Kids, Garrison Cootes was a senior partner 72 00:02:43,094 --> 00:02:44,744 at Honeywell & Cootes. 73 00:02:44,746 --> 00:02:46,296 One of the biggest environmental law firms 74 00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,730 in America. 75 00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,799 Marshall would have given anything to work there. 76 00:02:49,801 --> 00:02:52,135 If I don't get this job, I might end up working 77 00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:53,353 at, like, a Taco Bell somewhere. 78 00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:54,854 And nobody wants that. 79 00:02:54,856 --> 00:02:57,540 Or maybe you guys want that, because you'll get free tacos, 80 00:02:57,542 --> 00:02:58,891 'cause your my peeps. 81 00:02:58,893 --> 00:03:02,312 But right now I need all of you to calm down! 82 00:03:03,598 --> 00:03:06,032 Hello. 83 00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:07,700 Marshall, this is Garrison Cootes. 84 00:03:07,702 --> 00:03:09,535 Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, 85 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,738 but I've just been swamped. 86 00:03:13,074 --> 00:03:15,775 Which is funny, 'cause I'm literally 87 00:03:15,777 --> 00:03:17,577 standing in a swamp. 88 00:03:19,414 --> 00:03:22,582 Anyway, I'm just out here, I'm just collecting some samples 89 00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:24,784 for this pollution case we're working on. 90 00:03:24,786 --> 00:03:26,753 I love the work you guys do. That's a croc... 91 00:03:26,755 --> 00:03:27,805 No, I mean it. 92 00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:30,267 No, no, there's a crocodile about five feet away from me. 93 00:03:30,392 --> 00:03:31,808 So I'm just going to ignore 94 00:03:31,810 --> 00:03:34,060 the hot urine filling my waders as we speak, 95 00:03:34,062 --> 00:03:36,462 and tell you that we're very interested. 96 00:03:36,464 --> 00:03:37,463 He's interested. 97 00:03:37,465 --> 00:03:39,148 Obviously we have to do some sort 98 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,434 of credit check, you know, a criminal record 99 00:03:41,436 --> 00:03:44,070 and Google search, but as long as nothing unseemly turns up, 100 00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:45,438 you're good to go, man. 101 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,357 That is fantastic, Mr. Cootes! 102 00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:48,741 Well, I gotta run. 103 00:03:50,412 --> 00:03:51,944 This is so funny, 104 00:03:51,946 --> 00:03:55,748 because, actually, I physically have to run now. 105 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:58,998 - Croc saw you? - He's advancing, yeah. 106 00:03:59,092 --> 00:04:03,092 ? How I Met Your Mother 7x02 ? The Naked Truth Original Air Date on September 19, 2011 107 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:07,117 == ReSync by jacobian == == for 720p Web-DL @hdbits.org == 108 00:04:12,099 --> 00:04:14,634 The next night, Barney met Nora for coffee. 109 00:04:14,636 --> 00:04:17,070 Thankfully, without the ridiculous leg cast. 110 00:04:17,072 --> 00:04:20,106 Hey, Nora, thanks for meeting me here. 111 00:04:20,108 --> 00:04:21,257 What happened to your neck? 112 00:04:21,259 --> 00:04:23,676 My wha...? Oh, it's nothing. 113 00:04:23,678 --> 00:04:27,012 I was performing in a one-man show of Fiddler. 114 00:04:27,014 --> 00:04:28,781 There was this roof. 115 00:04:28,783 --> 00:04:31,000 Wow, that one has fantastic ta-tas. 116 00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:32,151 What, where? 117 00:04:32,153 --> 00:04:33,369 Oh... Oh, damn it. 118 00:04:33,371 --> 00:04:34,504 Ta-ta. 119 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:36,689 Wait, Nora, wait... No, look, please don't. 120 00:04:36,691 --> 00:04:37,690 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 121 00:04:37,692 --> 00:04:39,092 What is the matter with you? 122 00:04:39,094 --> 00:04:41,127 What kind of person needs to lie like that. 123 00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:43,863 A person who really, really likes you. 124 00:04:43,865 --> 00:04:46,132 And suspects, probably accurately, 125 00:04:46,134 --> 00:04:47,717 that you're way out of his league, 126 00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:49,969 and so he feels the need to... 127 00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:53,172 I'm sorry, you were kidding 128 00:04:53,174 --> 00:04:54,557 about the fantastic ta-tas, right? 129 00:04:54,559 --> 00:04:55,697 'Cause I'm looking around and I do not see 'em... 130 00:04:58,763 --> 00:05:00,563 I just had two back-to-back dates. 131 00:05:00,565 --> 00:05:03,232 That's right, two lovely ladies, 132 00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:07,236 four large cappuccinos, and... one sec. 133 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,407 And I don't know which date was more awesome. 134 00:05:11,409 --> 00:05:13,076 Let's meet the girls. 135 00:05:13,078 --> 00:05:15,361 Jessica is a Rhodes scholar. 136 00:05:15,363 --> 00:05:16,896 She's traveled all over the world. 137 00:05:16,898 --> 00:05:19,565 Speaks four languages, is a concert pianist. 138 00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:23,352 And Claire reached for the check. 139 00:05:23,354 --> 00:05:24,470 So I don't know. 140 00:05:24,472 --> 00:05:25,805 It's a squeaker. 141 00:05:25,807 --> 00:05:27,073 I mean, both of these girls 142 00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:29,926 have the potential to be something really special. 143 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:31,880 They both move on to the next round. 144 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:32,863 Wait a minute. 145 00:05:32,964 --> 00:05:34,881 You're going to date two girls at once? 146 00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:36,632 Don't you think you should just choose one 147 00:05:36,634 --> 00:05:37,767 before it gets serious? 148 00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:38,851 Define serious. 149 00:05:38,853 --> 00:05:40,586 Well, that's complicated. 150 00:05:40,588 --> 00:05:42,972 I guess you have to weigh expectations, 151 00:05:42,974 --> 00:05:44,223 emotional investments... 152 00:05:44,225 --> 00:05:45,491 Third base. 153 00:05:45,493 --> 00:05:46,893 Seriously, third base. 154 00:05:46,895 --> 00:05:49,362 So I can go to second base with both of these girls, no problem? 155 00:05:49,364 --> 00:05:51,581 Oh, honk away, my friend. Yeah, honk away. 156 00:05:52,265 --> 00:05:53,816 Oh, no. 157 00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:56,018 Ever since Mr. Cootes mentioned the background check, 158 00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,087 Marshall had been scouring the Internet. 159 00:05:58,089 --> 00:06:00,540 Most of what he found was pretty harmless. 160 00:06:00,542 --> 00:06:03,776 In some cases, really awesome, until... 161 00:06:03,778 --> 00:06:04,911 Not good. 162 00:06:04,913 --> 00:06:07,413 This-- this is not good. 163 00:06:08,281 --> 00:06:09,882 Thanks, Stacy. 164 00:06:09,884 --> 00:06:12,135 Wesleyan has a new cafeteria, 165 00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:14,086 thanks to the generous endowment from-- 166 00:06:14,088 --> 00:06:15,471 Oh, ho-ho! 167 00:06:15,473 --> 00:06:18,674 Did somebody say generous endowment? 168 00:06:18,676 --> 00:06:25,314 I'm Marshall Eriksen, but you can call me Beercules! 169 00:06:32,656 --> 00:06:35,140 Well, that could be anybody. 170 00:06:40,805 --> 00:06:43,684 Oh, man, I forgot about Beercules. 171 00:06:44,289 --> 00:06:46,122 Who made this Web site anyway? 172 00:06:46,124 --> 00:06:48,567 - Pete Durkenson. - Of course. 173 00:06:48,568 --> 00:06:51,712 Is that the guy who convinced you to run across campus naked? 174 00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:53,630 I was pledging his frat, 175 00:06:53,632 --> 00:06:55,715 which I gave up on after three days, 176 00:06:55,717 --> 00:06:58,201 because frats are stupid and elitist 177 00:06:58,203 --> 00:07:00,703 and also I found out he wasn't in a frat. 178 00:07:00,705 --> 00:07:02,755 Oh, my God. 179 00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:04,057 This is awesome. 180 00:07:04,059 --> 00:07:06,776 I just got invited to the Architects' Ball, 181 00:07:06,778 --> 00:07:10,229 the annual gala that honors the city's greatest architects. 182 00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:13,399 Oh, no, you guys see why this sucks, right? 183 00:07:13,401 --> 00:07:15,068 Because it's an annual gala 184 00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:16,653 honoring the city's greatest architects? 185 00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:20,373 Robin, this is the social event of the year. 186 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:22,742 You take a girl to the Architects' Ball, 187 00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,111 brother, you're going to third base. 188 00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:26,412 Whichever girl 189 00:07:26,414 --> 00:07:27,914 I take as my date, 190 00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:30,833 she will be Miss Ted Mosby's girlfriend 191 00:07:30,835 --> 00:07:32,402 by the end of the night. 192 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,421 Okay, no more sitting on the fence. 193 00:07:35,423 --> 00:07:37,590 Robin, get me my legal pad. 194 00:07:37,592 --> 00:07:39,592 It's pros and cons time! 195 00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:44,197 And kids, they really cheered. 196 00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:46,482 Let me make one thing very clear to you. 197 00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:49,452 I don't date guys who lie to me. 198 00:07:49,454 --> 00:07:51,654 Well, see, I did not know that. 199 00:07:51,656 --> 00:07:52,805 My bad. 200 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:54,774 So, from here on in, no more lies. 201 00:07:54,776 --> 00:07:57,677 I will never lie to you again. 202 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,113 I'm serious. Ask me anything. 203 00:08:00,115 --> 00:08:02,548 Okay. 204 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,616 Have you ever successfully 205 00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:06,002 gotten a woman in bed by lying to her? 206 00:08:06,004 --> 00:08:08,621 Have I ever... 207 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:15,211 If I'm being totally honest... 208 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,715 Yes. 209 00:08:18,717 --> 00:08:20,633 More than once? 210 00:08:20,635 --> 00:08:22,969 More than once... 211 00:08:22,971 --> 00:08:25,054 Wow, that's... 212 00:08:27,025 --> 00:08:30,059 I guess if we're splitting hairs, 213 00:08:30,061 --> 00:08:33,896 then, technically... there was a plurality 214 00:08:33,898 --> 00:08:38,201 to the times I've lied to women for sex having purposes. 215 00:08:38,203 --> 00:08:39,419 What were they? 216 00:08:39,421 --> 00:08:41,421 Nines and tens mostly. 217 00:08:41,423 --> 00:08:43,072 There was a four once. 218 00:08:43,074 --> 00:08:44,457 She was a slump buster. 219 00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:48,077 But, Nora, after that, I had a run that you would not believe. 220 00:08:48,079 --> 00:08:50,546 Man, honesty feels good. 221 00:08:50,548 --> 00:08:52,231 What were the lies? 222 00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,834 You want me to tell you every lie I've ever told a woman 223 00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:56,002 to get her into bed? 224 00:08:56,004 --> 00:08:58,721 A bed or any other place you had sex with her. 225 00:08:58,723 --> 00:08:59,956 Oh, you're good. 226 00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:03,309 Pete, Pete. Hey. 227 00:09:03,311 --> 00:09:05,428 Beercules! 228 00:09:05,430 --> 00:09:06,712 Bring it in, dude. 229 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,848 Hey, I've been trying to call you, 230 00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:10,216 like, all night. 231 00:09:10,218 --> 00:09:11,484 Oh, my God, sorry. 232 00:09:11,486 --> 00:09:13,486 I would have answered, but it is Tuesday night. 233 00:09:13,488 --> 00:09:14,320 It's Sunday. 234 00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:16,105 And you know what that means. 235 00:09:16,107 --> 00:09:18,191 "Edward Forty Hands." 236 00:09:18,193 --> 00:09:20,259 Kids, "Edward Forty Hands" 237 00:09:20,261 --> 00:09:22,729 is a game that involves taping two 40-ounce bottles 238 00:09:22,731 --> 00:09:25,064 of malt liquor to your hands. 239 00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,799 The object is to finish both bottle-- 240 00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,701 Oh, my God, why am I telling you this? 241 00:09:28,703 --> 00:09:29,869 Let's move on. 242 00:09:29,871 --> 00:09:33,405 Okay, you know that old video of me streaking? 243 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,574 I watch it every day. 244 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,428 Well, I need you to take it down off the Internet. 245 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:39,846 Like, right now. 246 00:09:39,848 --> 00:09:41,580 There are two ways that can happen. 247 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,716 One, you can give me $4 million, 248 00:09:43,718 --> 00:09:46,936 or... you can help me go to the bathroom, 249 00:09:46,938 --> 00:09:48,438 because I... I can't... 250 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:52,308 Yeah, those are two non-negotiable no's. 251 00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:54,277 Well, I'm sorry we could not do business together. 252 00:09:54,279 --> 00:09:55,561 But if you'll excuse me, 253 00:09:55,563 --> 00:09:57,947 I'm in the middle of a game of "Edward Forty Hands," 254 00:09:57,949 --> 00:10:00,032 and the competition is fierce. 255 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,768 Who are you playing with, anyway? 256 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,938 Just myself. 257 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:08,541 Meanwhile, Barney continued listing every lie 258 00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:09,792 he'd ever told to get laid. 259 00:10:09,794 --> 00:10:12,228 There's no time to explain how I got bit there. 260 00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:14,363 I just need someone to suck the poison out. 261 00:10:14,365 --> 00:10:16,532 The surgeons gave me a new face, 262 00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:17,550 honey. 263 00:10:17,552 --> 00:10:19,185 Aren't you relieved I'm alive? 264 00:10:19,187 --> 00:10:21,921 Me llamo David Beckham. 265 00:10:21,923 --> 00:10:24,707 If I were only casting The White Swan 266 00:10:24,709 --> 00:10:26,008 the role would be yours. 267 00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,211 No, I am a lesbian. 268 00:10:28,213 --> 00:10:31,114 This thing that I'm wearing is just really lifelike. 269 00:10:31,116 --> 00:10:32,849 Okay, let's skip ahead. 270 00:10:32,851 --> 00:10:33,983 What's the worst one? 271 00:10:33,985 --> 00:10:35,268 The lowest of the low? 272 00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:36,686 The creme de la creepy? 273 00:10:36,688 --> 00:10:40,490 Uh... Oh, I once pulled The Soul Man. 274 00:10:40,492 --> 00:10:43,826 There was this beautiful girl who only dated black guys... 275 00:10:43,828 --> 00:10:47,630 Barnell! Ooh, I knew it! 276 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,834 I can't decide. 277 00:10:51,836 --> 00:10:53,336 They're both awesome. 278 00:10:53,338 --> 00:10:56,139 If only architects had two balls, right, Ted? 279 00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:58,007 I got this. 280 00:10:58,009 --> 00:10:59,509 Ted, left or right? 281 00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:00,826 Yes, yes, great idea. 282 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,461 Let the fates decide, huh? 283 00:11:02,463 --> 00:11:04,614 I will pick left. 284 00:11:04,616 --> 00:11:05,798 Just call one of 'em. 285 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,799 Ugh! 286 00:11:06,801 --> 00:11:08,134 Ted, deep in your heart, 287 00:11:08,136 --> 00:11:10,436 you know that you kind of like one 288 00:11:10,438 --> 00:11:11,304 more than the other. 289 00:11:11,306 --> 00:11:12,805 Trust me-- take the other. 290 00:11:12,807 --> 00:11:15,808 Um, maybe I haven't this is... 291 00:11:15,810 --> 00:11:18,177 the Architects' Ball, Robin. 292 00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,278 It's a star-studded event. 293 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,513 Okay, name one celebrity who's gonna be there. 294 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:22,848 Uh... Lenny Kravitz. 295 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,300 Lenny Kravitz is gonna be there? 296 00:11:24,302 --> 00:11:25,735 Yeah. He's there every year. 297 00:11:25,737 --> 00:11:26,953 And that guy's a rock star. 298 00:11:26,955 --> 00:11:30,206 You know, Ted, I've been thinking-- 299 00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:33,376 it's too soon to narrow it down between these two girls. 300 00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:34,493 Just take a friend. 301 00:11:34,495 --> 00:11:37,330 Like I... I don't know, maybe, uh, a friend 302 00:11:37,332 --> 00:11:40,499 who had a poster of Lenny Kravitz on her wall, 303 00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:43,219 and may or may not have, perhaps, 304 00:11:43,221 --> 00:11:46,155 dated that poster, on and off, throughout high school. 305 00:11:47,224 --> 00:11:49,875 This pros and cons list isn't cutting it. 306 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,212 I need a color chart. 307 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,431 Color chart! Color chart! 308 00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:58,834 And, kids, we all really chanted. 309 00:11:58,836 --> 00:11:59,852 Pete, please. 310 00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:01,654 I'm unemployed. 311 00:12:01,656 --> 00:12:02,939 I have a huge mortgage. 312 00:12:02,941 --> 00:12:04,440 I have a baby on the way. 313 00:12:04,442 --> 00:12:07,193 And now, I'm about to lose a job I really need 314 00:12:07,195 --> 00:12:09,078 because of a 15-year-old prank! 315 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,613 Ugh! Do you hear yourself? 316 00:12:10,615 --> 00:12:12,081 Beercules, what happened? 317 00:12:12,083 --> 00:12:13,316 You're like a different person. 318 00:12:14,284 --> 00:12:16,168 The guy in that video was awesome. 319 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,754 He had potential. 320 00:12:18,756 --> 00:12:21,040 He could have been president of the frat one day. 321 00:12:21,042 --> 00:12:22,708 There was no frat! 322 00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:23,876 Now he's just a bummer. 323 00:12:23,878 --> 00:12:26,078 It's not like I want to be a bummer. 324 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,598 I just... I have to be. 325 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,082 I'm gonna be a dad. 326 00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:31,350 You'll have kids someday. 327 00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:32,468 You'll understand. 328 00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:35,087 Dude, I have four kids. 329 00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:38,257 Pete, please take the video down. 330 00:12:39,276 --> 00:12:41,277 All right, Beercules, I'll take the video down. 331 00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:42,728 If... 332 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:45,815 you can best me in a game of my own choosing. 333 00:12:45,817 --> 00:12:47,066 Oh, no... 334 00:12:47,068 --> 00:12:49,535 And I select the beautiful game, 335 00:12:49,537 --> 00:12:50,769 the sweet science... 336 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,571 Pete, please, I'm so hungover... 337 00:12:52,573 --> 00:12:53,656 ...the sport of kings... 338 00:12:53,658 --> 00:12:55,625 I don't want to play "Edward Forty Hands." 339 00:12:55,627 --> 00:12:56,775 I was gonna say darts-- 340 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,578 but "Edward Forty Hands" it is! 341 00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:02,381 And that concludes all the space-related lies. 342 00:13:02,383 --> 00:13:05,084 Let's move on to the world of sports. 343 00:13:05,086 --> 00:13:08,054 Oh, wait, sorry-- I just thought of another space one. 344 00:13:08,056 --> 00:13:10,389 "I've been bitten by a moon snake. 345 00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:12,958 You need to suck all the space poison out of my--" 346 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,644 Okay, Barney, uh, 347 00:13:14,646 --> 00:13:16,178 I have to be at work tomorrow at 8:00, 348 00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:17,847 which means I have just about enough time 349 00:13:17,849 --> 00:13:20,249 to sit in a shower for 11 hours, hugging myself. 350 00:13:22,586 --> 00:13:23,736 So this was fun. 351 00:13:23,738 --> 00:13:24,954 Can I call you, or...? 352 00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:28,107 Barney, you're funny, handsome 353 00:13:28,109 --> 00:13:29,775 and really quite clever. 354 00:13:29,777 --> 00:13:31,944 But you're also a sociopath. 355 00:13:31,946 --> 00:13:33,846 Well, I count three pros and one con, so... 356 00:13:33,848 --> 00:13:36,332 How do you still think you have a chance with me? 357 00:13:36,334 --> 00:13:38,668 Because you sat here all night. 358 00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:40,820 You could've left right away, but you didn't. 359 00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:46,258 Look, Nora, all those lies-- that's the old me. 360 00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:49,061 But I swear to you, I am trying to change. 361 00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:52,965 You... make me want to change. 362 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,851 How do I know that's not a lie? 363 00:13:55,853 --> 00:13:57,570 I'll prove it. 364 00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:59,438 I will prove how serious I am. 365 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,174 I will not leave this diner 366 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:05,378 until I get a second date with you. 367 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,697 Good-bye, Barney. 368 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,532 I'm not kidding. 369 00:14:09,534 --> 00:14:10,983 This is a 24-hour diner. 370 00:14:10,985 --> 00:14:14,620 I'll stay here forever, if I have to-- and I will! 371 00:14:16,490 --> 00:14:18,190 Just water for me. Thanks. 372 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,496 Okay, so red indicates level of attractiveness, 373 00:14:23,498 --> 00:14:25,965 blue-- intellectual stimulation, 374 00:14:25,967 --> 00:14:27,550 green-- emotional connection, 375 00:14:27,552 --> 00:14:30,202 yellow-- compatibility of life goals, 376 00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:33,705 and purple-- whether or not she reached for the check. 377 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,142 Well, it looks like Jessica's ahead 378 00:14:36,144 --> 00:14:38,210 in the first four categories. 379 00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:42,915 Did not reach for the check... 380 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:46,552 Oh, this? 381 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,221 No big deal. This... 382 00:14:49,223 --> 00:14:50,856 This cost three months rent, 383 00:14:50,858 --> 00:14:52,525 and, uh, I've never gotten to wear it, 384 00:14:52,527 --> 00:14:55,361 because I bought it for that big event that you invited me to, 385 00:14:55,363 --> 00:14:56,895 which then fell through. 386 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,330 But, you know what? 387 00:14:58,332 --> 00:14:59,949 Don't feel guilty about that. 388 00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:00,916 What big event? 389 00:15:00,918 --> 00:15:02,067 That thing with your uncle. 390 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,853 His funeral? 391 00:15:04,588 --> 00:15:05,704 It didn't fall through, 392 00:15:05,706 --> 00:15:07,206 he miraculously came out of a coma. 393 00:15:07,208 --> 00:15:09,008 And I forgive you. 394 00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:11,594 Now, can I please meet Lenny Kravitz? 395 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,382 I did it again! 396 00:15:16,384 --> 00:15:18,300 Aw, honey. 397 00:15:18,302 --> 00:15:19,585 You got drunk again. 398 00:15:19,587 --> 00:15:22,221 I can't believe I took the over. 399 00:15:22,223 --> 00:15:26,692 Just to be clear, "I did it again" is not a reference... 400 00:15:26,694 --> 00:15:29,261 to my current state of inebriation. 401 00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:31,430 What's it a reference to? 402 00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:33,399 My name is Marshall Eriksen. 403 00:15:33,401 --> 00:15:35,384 I'm 33 years old. 404 00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:40,456 And if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, 405 00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:42,941 is watching this... 406 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,628 bow down to Beercules! 407 00:15:52,586 --> 00:15:54,420 Well, that could be anybody. 408 00:16:01,362 --> 00:16:02,694 Oh, goodness. 409 00:16:10,076 --> 00:16:11,985 Pete, this is Lily Aldrin. 410 00:16:11,986 --> 00:16:13,719 I'm gonna make this real simple: 411 00:16:13,721 --> 00:16:15,571 You're gonna take down that video of Marshall. 412 00:16:15,573 --> 00:16:16,972 You know why? 413 00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:20,025 Because I'm friends with three girls who dated you in college, 414 00:16:20,027 --> 00:16:22,527 and girls tell each other everything. 415 00:16:22,529 --> 00:16:25,214 Every tiny detail. 416 00:16:25,216 --> 00:16:26,532 Huh. So... 417 00:16:26,534 --> 00:16:31,887 tick-tock, Pete-- tick-tock goes the little wee-wee clock. 418 00:16:32,756 --> 00:16:33,872 Pete's got a little wee-wee? 419 00:16:33,874 --> 00:16:35,591 No idea. What's everyone getting? 420 00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:38,761 This was bound to happen eventually. 421 00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:41,730 I've been trying so hard to suppress, like, 422 00:16:41,732 --> 00:16:43,382 my carefree idiot side, 423 00:16:43,384 --> 00:16:47,219 that it just rebelled and came out swingin'! 424 00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:48,387 It sure did. 425 00:16:48,389 --> 00:16:50,773 Look at me! I'm a windmill! 426 00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:53,943 Who am I kidding? I'm not ready to be a dad. 427 00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:56,779 I thought that I was, but it's, like... 428 00:16:56,781 --> 00:16:59,915 my dad never did stuff like that, you know? 429 00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:01,400 So what if he did? 430 00:17:01,402 --> 00:17:03,285 You'd still love him. 431 00:17:03,287 --> 00:17:06,922 And be honest-- wouldn't you love to stumble onto a video 432 00:17:06,924 --> 00:17:09,441 of him running down the street naked, yelling, 433 00:17:09,443 --> 00:17:11,176 "Hey, Marshall, look at me! 434 00:17:11,178 --> 00:17:13,696 I got an icicle on my deal!" 435 00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:19,218 Oh! Hey, guys! 436 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:20,919 Ow! My neck! 437 00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:23,389 Uh... oh! Hey! 438 00:17:23,391 --> 00:17:24,807 Look at that. 439 00:17:24,809 --> 00:17:27,426 Barney, what are you doing here? 440 00:17:27,428 --> 00:17:30,529 Oh, I told Nora I wouldn't leave until she gave me a second date, 441 00:17:30,531 --> 00:17:31,814 and I mean it. 442 00:17:31,816 --> 00:17:33,265 I've already been here nine hours. 443 00:17:33,267 --> 00:17:36,035 I still need another minute. 444 00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:39,288 I mean... call me crazy, but 445 00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,890 I'm gonna stay here until I get that girl back. 446 00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:47,796 That-- that's what I want. 447 00:17:48,715 --> 00:17:50,299 The way Barney feels about Nora-- 448 00:17:50,301 --> 00:17:51,950 I want that feeling again. 449 00:17:52,952 --> 00:17:54,837 I don't want to be choosing between two girls, 450 00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:59,641 I want to be... a complete head-over-heels idiot for one. 451 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,727 Yeah, the complete head-over-heels idiot thing's 452 00:18:01,729 --> 00:18:03,896 pretty nice. 453 00:18:04,981 --> 00:18:06,315 It's not bad. 454 00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:09,101 Although, for the record-- 455 00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:12,571 sweeping declaration!-- 456 00:18:12,573 --> 00:18:17,493 I am never getting drunk again. 457 00:18:18,412 --> 00:18:20,429 And sure enough... 458 00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:22,331 All hail Beercules! 459 00:18:23,718 --> 00:18:25,017 Yeah! 460 00:18:25,019 --> 00:18:27,703 But, again, I'm getting ahead of myself. 461 00:18:36,846 --> 00:18:38,013 Hello. 462 00:18:38,015 --> 00:18:40,165 Marshall! Garrison Cootes. 463 00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:41,333 Yes, Mr. Cootes. 464 00:18:41,335 --> 00:18:42,651 Hi. How are you? 465 00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:44,603 I just wanted to let you know, we did the background check, 466 00:18:44,605 --> 00:18:47,306 and that is some disturbing streaking. 467 00:18:47,308 --> 00:18:49,108 Sir, th-th-the thing is, um... 468 00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:51,176 The rainbow streaking in this sample 469 00:18:51,178 --> 00:18:53,028 is definitely from chemical runoff. 470 00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:55,180 Oh, I... 471 00:18:55,182 --> 00:18:58,183 Bottom line-- we'd love to have you on board. 472 00:18:58,185 --> 00:18:59,201 That is fantastic! 473 00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:01,353 Thank you, Mr. Cootes! 474 00:19:01,355 --> 00:19:02,354 Well, you're welcome. 475 00:19:02,356 --> 00:19:04,156 And-- oh, and when you're at the office, 476 00:19:04,158 --> 00:19:06,408 try to wear some clothes, okay, Beercules? 477 00:19:08,746 --> 00:19:10,045 Wow! That's a big snake. 478 00:19:10,047 --> 00:19:11,213 Oh, there's a snake in the swamp? 479 00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:12,664 No, I'm talking about your penis. 480 00:19:12,666 --> 00:19:13,982 See you tomorrow. 481 00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:16,418 I got the job. 482 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:17,869 Yay! 483 00:19:17,871 --> 00:19:20,305 And I think that my boss already sexually harassed me. 484 00:19:20,307 --> 00:19:22,891 But he saw the video and he doesn't care! 485 00:19:22,893 --> 00:19:25,811 See that? Maybe Beercules isn't so bad after all. 486 00:19:25,813 --> 00:19:26,762 Yeah. 487 00:19:28,149 --> 00:19:29,214 Hello? 488 00:19:29,216 --> 00:19:31,733 Hey, Marshall, my name is Pete Durkenson. 489 00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,152 We went to Wesleyan together. 490 00:19:33,154 --> 00:19:34,403 Yeah, no, I know. 491 00:19:34,405 --> 00:19:36,605 Pete, we... we just hung out yesterday. 492 00:19:36,607 --> 00:19:38,824 All right, now Lily's message makes a little more sense. 493 00:19:38,826 --> 00:19:41,360 Listen, don't worry, bro, I'm gonna take down the video. 494 00:19:41,362 --> 00:19:42,578 You know what? 495 00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:44,062 Leave it up. 496 00:19:44,064 --> 00:19:45,831 Whatever you say, Beercules. 497 00:19:48,785 --> 00:19:50,702 Scalpel. 498 00:19:50,704 --> 00:19:52,921 You know what? This is good. 499 00:19:52,923 --> 00:19:55,340 I want our kid to see every side of who I am. 500 00:19:55,342 --> 00:19:56,592 Yeah. 501 00:19:56,594 --> 00:19:58,076 Even the side that runs through 502 00:19:58,078 --> 00:20:00,195 the East Village hangin' brain. 503 00:20:01,764 --> 00:20:03,132 I'm gonna call Pete back. 504 00:20:03,134 --> 00:20:04,550 That's a good idea. 505 00:20:04,552 --> 00:20:07,752 That evening, I took Robin to the Architects' Ball. 506 00:20:07,754 --> 00:20:09,438 Thanks again for taking me to this. 507 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,472 Mm. My pleasure. 508 00:20:10,474 --> 00:20:11,773 And, you know, you might find it interesting. 509 00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,892 Some of these guys represent the living history of New York-- 510 00:20:13,894 --> 00:20:15,260 Yeah, yeah. Where's Lenny Kravitz? 511 00:20:15,262 --> 00:20:16,928 Right there. 512 00:20:16,930 --> 00:20:20,782 Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. 513 00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:23,035 Guy's a rock star. 514 00:20:23,037 --> 00:20:24,653 He's gonna be giving his famous 515 00:20:24,655 --> 00:20:26,038 90-minute lecture on crossbeams. 516 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,539 Well, great. 517 00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:29,825 I'm gonna go find one and hang myself from it. 518 00:20:29,827 --> 00:20:31,243 Okay. 519 00:20:31,245 --> 00:20:34,129 Kids, you can't talk yourself into falling in love. 520 00:20:34,131 --> 00:20:36,948 It doesn't take days of deliberation. 521 00:20:36,950 --> 00:20:40,502 When it's real, you know pretty quickly, 522 00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:43,788 and with absolute certainty. 523 00:20:45,058 --> 00:20:47,626 I had forgotten that. 524 00:20:47,628 --> 00:20:49,978 But I was about to be reminded. 525 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:53,732 ? Victoria ? 526 00:20:53,734 --> 00:20:55,901 ? Victoria... ? 527 00:20:55,903 --> 00:20:59,903 == ReSync by jacobian == == for 720p Web-DL @hdbits.org ==