1 00:00:00,517 --> 00:00:03,471 By the fall of 2011, technology had taken 2 00:00:03,472 --> 00:00:06,640 a lot of the intrigue out of life. 3 00:00:07,706 --> 00:00:11,024 The Internet had everyone's wall of information. 4 00:00:12,392 --> 00:00:15,611 Nothing was a mystery anymore. 5 00:00:18,064 --> 00:00:20,008 But, kids, there was a time before that, 6 00:00:20,009 --> 00:00:22,476 way back in the dark ages. 7 00:00:22,478 --> 00:00:23,877 Are you people insane?! 8 00:00:23,879 --> 00:00:26,364 The most popular food in America is the cheeseburger! 9 00:00:26,366 --> 00:00:27,848 No way! It's pizza! 10 00:00:27,850 --> 00:00:31,068 Are we forgetting about a certain Mr. Furter, 11 00:00:31,070 --> 00:00:32,653 first name Frank? 12 00:00:32,655 --> 00:00:35,055 Um, what did every kid bring in their lunchbox 13 00:00:35,057 --> 00:00:37,224 every day till grade eight? 14 00:00:37,226 --> 00:00:38,892 Pancakes with maple syrup. 15 00:00:39,695 --> 00:00:41,162 Thanks, Canada. 16 00:00:41,164 --> 00:00:43,914 We're looking for a food the average American eats. 17 00:00:43,916 --> 00:00:45,399 - Yeah. Yeah. - Oh! 18 00:00:45,401 --> 00:00:46,701 Chinese food. 19 00:00:46,703 --> 00:00:49,170 And then came the smartphone. 20 00:00:51,072 --> 00:00:52,340 Hey, remember 21 00:00:52,342 --> 00:00:55,760 when we were arguing about the most popular food? 22 00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,045 It's bread. 23 00:00:58,047 --> 00:00:59,797 Hm. 24 00:00:59,799 --> 00:01:02,183 And the barroom debate was dead. 25 00:01:02,185 --> 00:01:04,251 You guys are idiots! 26 00:01:04,253 --> 00:01:07,054 Okay, not completely dead. You are seriously telling me 27 00:01:07,056 --> 00:01:08,556 you don't want to open that envelope 28 00:01:08,558 --> 00:01:10,758 and find out if you're having a boy or a girl? 29 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,445 Nope. Dr. Sonya only gave us this in case we wanted to know. 30 00:01:14,447 --> 00:01:16,147 But we don't. 31 00:01:16,149 --> 00:01:18,816 Lilypad and I are just gonna wait till that baby pops out 32 00:01:18,818 --> 00:01:20,201 and enjoy the big surprise. 33 00:01:20,203 --> 00:01:22,903 Look, I have pretended to be a licensed therapist 34 00:01:22,905 --> 00:01:25,072 enough times to know there is something unhealthy 35 00:01:25,074 --> 00:01:26,907 about your not wanting to find out. 36 00:01:26,909 --> 00:01:29,160 - Back me up here, Kev. - No, no, no, no, no. 37 00:01:29,162 --> 00:01:32,496 This real therapist won't risk upsetting 38 00:01:32,498 --> 00:01:36,217 his wonderful new girlfriend by analyzing her wonderful friends. 39 00:01:37,219 --> 00:01:40,054 No matter how mentally unbalanced they may be. 40 00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:41,172 I hear you. 41 00:01:41,174 --> 00:01:42,790 I don't think you do. 42 00:01:42,792 --> 00:01:45,726 We just don't want to burden our little angel 43 00:01:45,728 --> 00:01:49,063 with all kinds of gender-specific expectations. 44 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:51,766 Boys can do ballet; girls can play football. 45 00:01:51,768 --> 00:01:53,576 Hell, the Green Bay Packers have been 46 00:01:53,601 --> 00:01:54,801 proving that for years. 47 00:01:57,689 --> 00:02:00,491 That would've gotten a big laugh at a sports bar. 48 00:02:00,493 --> 00:02:02,493 Well, I say define gender roles early. 49 00:02:02,495 --> 00:02:04,745 All the other girls got a pretty dress 50 00:02:04,747 --> 00:02:07,365 and a cake when they turned 14. 51 00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:08,666 Me... 52 00:02:08,668 --> 00:02:10,918 I want to go home, Daddy! 53 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:14,755 That direction is nothing but wolves. 54 00:02:16,007 --> 00:02:20,511 And 40 kilometers that way is the mining town of Smithers. 55 00:02:20,513 --> 00:02:23,330 I'd take my chances with the wolves. 56 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,552 I'll see you in three days. 57 00:02:28,554 --> 00:02:31,305 Well, wait, wh-what am I supposed to eat? 58 00:02:31,307 --> 00:02:34,358 Hey, you've got a knife, the forest is full of animals-- 59 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,143 what do you want, a buffet? 60 00:02:36,145 --> 00:02:38,062 Papa...! 61 00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:41,232 Happy birthday, son...! 62 00:02:42,651 --> 00:02:45,069 Got any thoughts on that, Doc? 63 00:02:45,071 --> 00:02:47,938 If you guys think I'm going near that, you're crazy. 64 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:49,907 Why'd you emphasize "you're"? 65 00:02:49,909 --> 00:02:52,184 No reason. You're pretty. 66 00:02:52,194 --> 00:02:56,194 ? How I Met Your Mother 7x06 ? Mystery vs. History Original Air Date on October 17, 2011 67 00:02:56,195 --> 00:03:00,195 == sync, corrected by elderman == 68 00:03:05,006 --> 00:03:07,072 By the way, do you guys want to come over tomorrow night 69 00:03:07,097 --> 00:03:08,297 for sangria and tapas? 70 00:03:08,478 --> 00:03:10,311 Si. Muchas gracias. That sounds awesome. 71 00:03:10,313 --> 00:03:11,929 Great. We're also gonna paint the nursery. 72 00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:14,815 Oh, and a quick update on the sangria and tapas-- 73 00:03:14,817 --> 00:03:16,484 that's cancelled. Mmm... 74 00:03:16,486 --> 00:03:17,518 Guess what smooth son of a bitch 75 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,220 just picked up a girl at the bar? 76 00:03:20,222 --> 00:03:22,156 Barney, you're cheating on Nora already? 77 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:23,591 No, guys, it's me. 78 00:03:23,593 --> 00:03:25,392 Janet McIntyre. 79 00:03:25,394 --> 00:03:26,577 Struck up a conversation at the bar 80 00:03:26,579 --> 00:03:28,662 while ordering, she guessed bread right away, 81 00:03:28,664 --> 00:03:31,056 we laughed, it was a thing, boom, going 82 00:03:31,057 --> 00:03:32,230 out tomorrow night. 83 00:03:32,235 --> 00:03:35,669 - So, she said yes just like that? - Just like that. 84 00:03:35,671 --> 00:03:36,859 There's something wrong with her. 85 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,084 No, no, no, no. 86 00:03:38,324 --> 00:03:39,406 Stop it. They always do this. 87 00:03:39,408 --> 00:03:41,625 Every time I go on a first date, 88 00:03:41,627 --> 00:03:43,961 they snap right into research mode. 89 00:03:43,963 --> 00:03:45,429 It started by accident. 90 00:03:45,431 --> 00:03:47,882 Ooh. 91 00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:50,100 Hello? 92 00:03:50,102 --> 00:03:52,303 Ted, we did a little Internet research 93 00:03:52,305 --> 00:03:53,604 on your Mia Plumley. 94 00:03:53,606 --> 00:03:54,822 We just sent you 95 00:03:54,824 --> 00:03:56,223 a picture of her from six months ago. 96 00:03:56,225 --> 00:03:58,209 I don't understand-- is Mia standing behind 97 00:03:58,211 --> 00:04:01,612 this morbidly obese wo... Oh, my God! 98 00:04:01,614 --> 00:04:04,097 They had cookies and cream. 99 00:04:04,099 --> 00:04:06,283 And what you were saying about how women feel 100 00:04:06,285 --> 00:04:08,769 they have to starve themselves makes so much sense. 101 00:04:09,287 --> 00:04:12,122 Ooh, hot dogs. Score! 102 00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:14,325 After that, background checks 103 00:04:14,327 --> 00:04:17,244 became standard operating procedure. 104 00:04:17,246 --> 00:04:19,330 The date with Nadine went great. 105 00:04:19,332 --> 00:04:21,215 Unless you guys found something. 106 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,800 Are you sitting down? 107 00:04:22,802 --> 00:04:24,785 No. 108 00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:30,591 She's wanted in Florida on crystal meth charges. 109 00:04:30,593 --> 00:04:33,511 She breeds pit bulls for dog fighting. 110 00:04:33,513 --> 00:04:35,346 - Also, the FBI... - What's this link? 111 00:04:35,348 --> 00:04:37,398 Oh, she also writes online movie reviews. 112 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,467 Anyway, she's still married to a death row inmate convicted... 113 00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:43,470 She gave Annie Hall two out of ten stars? 114 00:04:43,472 --> 00:04:45,773 "Slow and overrated"? 115 00:04:45,775 --> 00:04:48,325 Really? That's your takeaway? 116 00:04:48,327 --> 00:04:50,494 It's the Wood Man at the height of his powers. 117 00:04:50,496 --> 00:04:53,447 The way he broke the fourth wall by talking directly to camera? 118 00:04:53,449 --> 00:04:55,332 People have been ripping that off ever since. 119 00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:58,953 Can you believe this guy? 120 00:04:58,955 --> 00:05:00,421 Paula Vincenzo. 121 00:05:00,423 --> 00:05:01,872 She's in the bathroom. 122 00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:02,823 What's wrong with her? 123 00:05:02,825 --> 00:05:04,792 Total psycho. Her Facebook wall 124 00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:07,995 has a link to a site about dating inanimate objects. 125 00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:09,997 For most of last year, she was engaged... 126 00:05:09,999 --> 00:05:12,349 to a mini fridge. And there's pictures: 127 00:05:12,351 --> 00:05:14,385 her and the mini fridge on a hike, 128 00:05:14,387 --> 00:05:16,437 her and the mini fridge in wine country, 129 00:05:16,439 --> 00:05:18,222 here's the mini fridge meeting her parents... 130 00:05:18,224 --> 00:05:19,974 Run like the wind. 131 00:05:22,228 --> 00:05:25,563 So... want to go back to my place? 132 00:05:25,565 --> 00:05:27,615 Yeah, all right. 133 00:05:29,517 --> 00:05:31,297 Well, thanks to us, you ran screaming from 134 00:05:31,322 --> 00:05:32,522 that freak show, right? 135 00:05:32,622 --> 00:05:34,872 - Absolutely. - Cuckoo! 136 00:05:36,408 --> 00:05:38,075 So what's the problem? 137 00:05:38,077 --> 00:05:39,126 You need us. 138 00:05:39,128 --> 00:05:40,360 No, I don't, okay? 139 00:05:40,362 --> 00:05:41,845 I don't want a background check. 140 00:05:41,847 --> 00:05:43,914 I want adventure and excitement. 141 00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:45,332 Look, if it's a choice 142 00:05:45,334 --> 00:05:47,184 between mystery and history, 143 00:05:47,186 --> 00:05:49,219 I want mystery. 144 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:50,621 In fact... 145 00:05:50,623 --> 00:05:52,222 Ted, I wouldn't... 146 00:05:52,224 --> 00:05:54,391 Uh, Janet. 147 00:05:54,393 --> 00:05:56,594 I have a theory. People don't get the chance 148 00:05:56,596 --> 00:05:58,862 to just discover each other anymore, so... 149 00:05:58,864 --> 00:05:59,897 here's my idea. 150 00:05:59,899 --> 00:06:01,315 Before we go out tomorrow, 151 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:04,068 let's not do any prior Internet research on each other. 152 00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:06,637 It sounds like I'm hiding something horrible, doesn't it? 153 00:06:06,639 --> 00:06:08,105 I'm pretty sure you're a serial killer. 154 00:06:08,107 --> 00:06:09,389 I'm not. I'm not. 155 00:06:09,391 --> 00:06:11,408 It's just, you know, like, when my parents met, 156 00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:13,393 they didn't have the Internet-- they just went out 157 00:06:13,395 --> 00:06:15,279 on a blind date and fell in love. 158 00:06:15,281 --> 00:06:17,164 That's nice. And they're still together? 159 00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:18,248 Right up to the divorce. 160 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:21,335 The point is, I'd love to get to know you 161 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,637 in person, not on my computer. 162 00:06:23,639 --> 00:06:25,589 I like that. What started out 163 00:06:25,591 --> 00:06:28,008 sounding really creepy turned out really sweet. 164 00:06:28,010 --> 00:06:31,178 That's kind of my move. 165 00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:32,630 And she was 166 00:06:32,632 --> 00:06:34,832 on board with the whole "no Internet" thing? 167 00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:36,800 She loved it. 168 00:06:37,752 --> 00:06:38,936 The bitch is hiding something. 169 00:06:38,938 --> 00:06:40,804 The bitch is totally hiding something. 170 00:06:44,998 --> 00:06:46,449 Hey, Ted, before you leave-- 171 00:06:46,451 --> 00:06:49,268 is Janet McIntyre M-A-C or M-C? 172 00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:51,304 For the last time, I don't want to know 173 00:06:51,306 --> 00:06:52,905 anything about her before the date. 174 00:06:52,907 --> 00:06:55,825 You might want to see this, Ted-- naked pictures. 175 00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:57,660 That's not Janet. 176 00:06:57,662 --> 00:06:59,445 Who, now? 177 00:06:59,447 --> 00:07:01,214 Seriously... 178 00:07:01,216 --> 00:07:04,333 if you guys respect me as a friend... 179 00:07:04,335 --> 00:07:05,885 stop looking. 180 00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:12,725 Well, Ted was pretty clear there, so... 181 00:07:12,727 --> 00:07:13,959 let's shut those laptops 182 00:07:13,961 --> 00:07:16,462 and go help Lily and Marshall, just like we promised. 183 00:07:16,464 --> 00:07:17,930 Let's leave 184 00:07:17,932 --> 00:07:21,484 the laptops here and go paint that baby room. 185 00:07:22,853 --> 00:07:24,837 Without laptops. 186 00:07:24,839 --> 00:07:26,489 Or bring the laptops. Either way. 187 00:07:26,491 --> 00:07:28,974 This is exciting. 188 00:07:28,976 --> 00:07:30,476 I give you... 189 00:07:30,478 --> 00:07:33,329 the color our child will grow up with. 190 00:07:33,331 --> 00:07:36,582 Yellow, like the sun. 191 00:07:36,584 --> 00:07:39,318 Or daughter. Pun snuggle. 192 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:43,206 Oh, God, this room's about to get its first spit-up. 193 00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:45,341 Just open the envelope already! 194 00:07:45,343 --> 00:07:47,593 Kevin, will you please tell Barney that it is 195 00:07:47,595 --> 00:07:50,429 perfectly normal for us to want to preserve the mystery. 196 00:07:50,431 --> 00:07:52,932 I'm not here to analyze; I'm here to win boyfriend points. 197 00:07:52,934 --> 00:07:55,885 By the way, you all look great, especially Robin. 198 00:07:55,887 --> 00:07:58,020 Come on, if you don't know the gender, 199 00:07:58,022 --> 00:08:00,556 you're gonna get generic crap at the baby shower. 200 00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:02,441 But if you do know the gender, 201 00:08:02,443 --> 00:08:05,311 you'll get, oh, I don't know, this! 202 00:08:05,313 --> 00:08:06,863 Marshall! Lights! 203 00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:09,699 Okay. 204 00:08:11,369 --> 00:08:14,303 When little Jack's not turning double plays, 205 00:08:14,305 --> 00:08:16,088 he's turning heads with this 206 00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:18,140 home run of an outfit! 207 00:08:18,142 --> 00:08:20,159 And if it's a little girl... 208 00:08:20,161 --> 00:08:23,696 This royal ensemble may leave you speechless, 209 00:08:23,698 --> 00:08:25,331 but it's sure to make little Sally say, 210 00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:28,551 "I wuv you, Mommy, and I wuv my dress, 211 00:08:28,553 --> 00:08:32,205 and I would love to see you in the shower." 212 00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,557 Sorry, I kind of fell out of character in that last part. 213 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,577 But if you don't know the gender... 214 00:08:37,579 --> 00:08:41,097 Little Fran is sure to be the pariah of the playground 215 00:08:41,099 --> 00:08:44,367 in this hermaphroditic burlap sack. 216 00:08:44,369 --> 00:08:46,469 ? ? 217 00:08:46,471 --> 00:08:47,937 Marshall! Lights! 218 00:08:50,157 --> 00:08:51,574 Barney, 219 00:08:51,576 --> 00:08:54,026 you don't really care abo'. 220 00:08:54,028 --> 00:08:54,777 No. You just 221 00:08:54,779 --> 00:08:55,761 can't stand 222 00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:57,330 not knowing something. 223 00:08:57,332 --> 00:08:59,282 That's ridiculous! 224 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000 Marshall, will you... 225 00:09:01,002 --> 00:09:02,518 will you hold these for a second? 226 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,619 Yeah, sure. Why? 227 00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:05,454 Because I gots to know! 228 00:09:05,456 --> 00:09:07,506 Oh, Barney, no! Help! Get him off of me! 229 00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:10,126 Everybody hold it! Hold it! 230 00:09:10,128 --> 00:09:13,212 I found Janet McIntyre, who's been widowed three times. 231 00:09:13,214 --> 00:09:15,298 She's obviously killing her husbands! 232 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,934 Oh, my God! 233 00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:19,552 They're six minutes into the date. 234 00:09:19,554 --> 00:09:21,887 Ted's probably already told her that he loves her! 235 00:09:21,889 --> 00:09:23,439 We've got to get down there! 236 00:09:25,426 --> 00:09:27,226 Nobody's going anywhere! 237 00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,260 Why?! 238 00:09:28,262 --> 00:09:29,779 Kids, at that moment, 239 00:09:29,781 --> 00:09:31,764 Kevin thought back to his earlier rule... 240 00:09:31,766 --> 00:09:34,116 This real therapist won't risk 241 00:09:34,118 --> 00:09:36,268 upsetting his wonderful new girlfriend 242 00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:38,437 by analyzing her wonderful friends. 243 00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:40,139 ...and threw it out the window. 244 00:09:40,141 --> 00:09:42,375 You're all the most codependent, incestuous, 245 00:09:42,377 --> 00:09:44,710 controlling group of people I've ever met! 246 00:09:46,446 --> 00:09:49,498 By the way, you all look great, especially Robin. 247 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,617 Oh, mm-mm. 248 00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:56,255 This is so great. 249 00:09:56,257 --> 00:09:58,123 Right? See, if we'd researched each other, 250 00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:00,226 we'd both be secretly steering the conversation 251 00:10:00,228 --> 00:10:01,560 one way or the other. 252 00:10:01,562 --> 00:10:02,979 But this is more exciting, right? 253 00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:04,096 Way more exciting. 254 00:10:04,098 --> 00:10:06,148 I mean, we can talk about anything we want. 255 00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:08,484 Anything. 256 00:10:11,272 --> 00:10:12,971 So... 257 00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:16,192 ...how was the traffic getting here? 258 00:10:16,194 --> 00:10:18,244 You picked me up at my apartment. 259 00:10:19,112 --> 00:10:20,696 I certainly did. 260 00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,199 Oh, my God, 261 00:10:23,201 --> 00:10:25,984 I've lost the ability to talk to girls without the Internet. 262 00:10:25,986 --> 00:10:28,421 My brain is completely shutting down. 263 00:10:28,423 --> 00:10:30,989 So, are you folks gonna have dinner or just drinks? 264 00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:33,992 I-I don't know. 265 00:10:34,795 --> 00:10:37,296 What the hell was that, Kevin? 266 00:10:37,298 --> 00:10:38,514 We're all crazy just because 267 00:10:38,516 --> 00:10:40,016 I'm looking up some stuff on the Internet, 268 00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:42,000 and Barney wants to know the baby's gender? 269 00:10:42,002 --> 00:10:44,603 Well, to be honest, 270 00:10:44,605 --> 00:10:46,772 I noticed some other disturbing... 271 00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:49,508 Never mind. 272 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:50,893 It's nothing. I'm sorry. 273 00:10:50,895 --> 00:10:52,528 I gots to know! 274 00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:54,864 Okay, last night alone... 275 00:10:54,866 --> 00:10:57,283 When-When are you coming back? 276 00:10:57,285 --> 00:10:59,702 Because I miss you, silly! 277 00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:03,456 Wait, who's he talking to? 278 00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:05,624 Shh, I'll be back soon. 279 00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:07,526 Yeah, you want me to bring you a pretzel? 280 00:11:09,947 --> 00:11:12,298 Ted's texting me from the bathroom. 281 00:11:13,418 --> 00:11:15,501 Oh. 282 00:11:15,503 --> 00:11:16,669 I don't get it. 283 00:11:16,671 --> 00:11:18,888 - It's just a "C" with an apostrophe. - Oh. 284 00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:19,922 Oh, yeah. 285 00:11:19,924 --> 00:11:22,341 Sometimes when one of us is on the can, 286 00:11:22,343 --> 00:11:24,894 we'll, uh, sneak a peek and then text each other, 287 00:11:24,896 --> 00:11:26,896 you know. 288 00:11:26,898 --> 00:11:30,549 Symbols to describe what your bowel movement looks like? 289 00:11:32,052 --> 00:11:35,938 This morning, I took an ampersand. 290 00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,556 Last summer, I dropped a deuce 291 00:11:37,558 --> 00:11:39,825 that actually looked like the number two! 292 00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:45,664 When you worked late Wednesday, 293 00:11:45,666 --> 00:11:49,835 I... I got lonely and... 294 00:11:49,837 --> 00:11:53,071 I watched Survivor without you. 295 00:11:55,076 --> 00:11:57,176 Practically the only unhealthy behavior I didn't see 296 00:11:57,178 --> 00:11:59,795 from you people was physical violence. 297 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,387 Yeah. 298 00:12:08,389 --> 00:12:09,805 At least we don't do that. 299 00:12:10,941 --> 00:12:12,224 And to top it off, 300 00:12:12,226 --> 00:12:14,059 all the meddling in Ted's love life, 301 00:12:14,061 --> 00:12:15,427 not to mention Lily's pregnancy? 302 00:12:15,429 --> 00:12:18,764 It all strikes me as just deeply dysfunctional. 303 00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:21,951 So what you're saying is, we're fine? 304 00:12:24,989 --> 00:12:27,656 So, while this font is often 305 00:12:27,658 --> 00:12:29,625 mistaken for Helvetica, 306 00:12:29,627 --> 00:12:33,078 the fact is... 307 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,881 it's Helvetica Bold. 308 00:12:36,666 --> 00:12:38,617 I can actually hear the sound 309 00:12:38,619 --> 00:12:41,353 of her vagina being boarded up. 310 00:12:42,839 --> 00:12:44,557 I got to be honest, Janet. 311 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,643 First of all... this is Times New Roman. 312 00:12:48,512 --> 00:12:49,962 Second, I'm having trouble 313 00:12:49,964 --> 00:12:51,931 coming up with things to talk about. 314 00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:53,799 You? I'm sitting here thinking, 315 00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:57,019 "Damn it, I wish I had something as good as that font thing. 316 00:12:57,021 --> 00:12:58,487 That's gold." 317 00:12:58,489 --> 00:13:00,523 Guys, I'm so sorry I said anything. 318 00:13:00,525 --> 00:13:04,109 Um, you basically called my friends mentally ill. 319 00:13:04,111 --> 00:13:06,612 Yeah, you think some lame apology will fix that? 320 00:13:06,614 --> 00:13:09,331 What if I just paint the rest of the room by myself? 321 00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:11,750 Apology accepted. 322 00:13:11,752 --> 00:13:13,118 Okay, let's do this. 323 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,753 Let-Let's find out each other's likes and dislikes. 324 00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:15,955 Start with something totally random. 325 00:13:15,957 --> 00:13:17,540 Like, um, oh, I don't know. 326 00:13:17,542 --> 00:13:20,325 Are you a fan of-- I don't know-- 327 00:13:20,327 --> 00:13:22,344 Annie Hall? 328 00:13:22,346 --> 00:13:25,297 I'm guessing that's not random at all, and you use that movie 329 00:13:25,299 --> 00:13:27,216 to test whether a girl is cool? 330 00:13:27,218 --> 00:13:28,934 No, it's-it's the first movie that popped into... 331 00:13:28,936 --> 00:13:30,636 I love Annie Hall. Oh, thank God you're cool. 332 00:13:30,638 --> 00:13:32,471 But just as things started 333 00:13:32,473 --> 00:13:34,523 to go well with Janet McIntyre... 334 00:13:34,525 --> 00:13:36,809 Whoa. I just found Janet McIntyre. 335 00:13:36,811 --> 00:13:39,028 The Janet McIntyre. 336 00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:49,071 Sweet... mother... of God! 337 00:13:55,212 --> 00:13:56,996 Uh, well, I got to run to the restroom. 338 00:13:56,998 --> 00:13:59,081 No internet, Mister. 339 00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:00,866 If you find out my deep, dark secret, I'll have to kill you. 340 00:14:00,868 --> 00:14:02,418 It's just my friends checking up on me. 341 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,420 I'll politely let them know we're having a lovely time. 342 00:14:04,422 --> 00:14:05,871 Okay. 343 00:14:07,257 --> 00:14:09,758 Ted says, "I'm not clicking on the link, so leave me alone." 344 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,428 And then either texted me a bunch of symbols for profanity, 345 00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:13,545 or got food poisoning 346 00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:15,547 and dropped the weirdest deuce of all time. 347 00:14:15,549 --> 00:14:17,650 You guys have to see this. 348 00:14:17,652 --> 00:14:19,485 No. We're with Ted on this. 349 00:14:19,487 --> 00:14:21,386 We don't want to find out about Janet, 350 00:14:21,388 --> 00:14:24,056 just like we don't want to find out about the baby. 351 00:14:24,058 --> 00:14:25,407 Because we like mystery, 352 00:14:25,409 --> 00:14:27,493 whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, 353 00:14:27,495 --> 00:14:30,529 or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, 354 00:14:30,531 --> 00:14:32,364 or the gender of our little miracle. 355 00:14:32,366 --> 00:14:33,699 Thanks for putting those together 356 00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:35,067 in the same sentence, sweetie. 357 00:14:35,069 --> 00:14:36,418 Mm. 358 00:14:36,420 --> 00:14:39,121 Look, if you guys don't want to know, how about this? 359 00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:41,707 Let me look, and I won't tell you. 360 00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:43,509 Absolutely not. Fine. 361 00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:45,544 Baby, if it will shut him up, 362 00:14:45,546 --> 00:14:46,629 what's the harm? 363 00:14:48,581 --> 00:14:50,683 Can I...? 364 00:14:55,806 --> 00:14:57,806 This may have been a mistake. 365 00:14:57,808 --> 00:14:59,558 Boy! 366 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,926 Do I like babies! 367 00:15:01,695 --> 00:15:02,478 Girl! 368 00:15:03,063 --> 00:15:04,113 ...friend, 369 00:15:04,115 --> 00:15:05,931 your hair looks fantastic! 370 00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:08,150 Twins! 371 00:15:08,152 --> 00:15:10,402 was the feel-good movie of 1988. 372 00:15:10,404 --> 00:15:13,038 Okay, Barney, hey, it doesn't matter what you guys say. 373 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,239 We're not gonna cave. 374 00:15:14,241 --> 00:15:15,574 Yes, we are! 375 00:15:15,576 --> 00:15:17,559 Oh, just open your eyes. 376 00:15:17,561 --> 00:15:20,045 This gender-neutral yellow is horrible! 377 00:15:20,047 --> 00:15:22,581 We're clearly gonna paint over the whole thing! 378 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,616 That's what you want to hear. 379 00:15:24,618 --> 00:15:26,051 I gots to know! 380 00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:27,720 Yeah. 381 00:15:27,722 --> 00:15:30,139 "It's a..." 382 00:15:30,141 --> 00:15:32,057 It's a... 383 00:15:32,059 --> 00:15:33,726 Where is the rest of the card? 384 00:15:33,728 --> 00:15:35,477 I ripped it in half. 385 00:15:35,479 --> 00:15:37,462 I knew you'd be desperate to see it, 386 00:15:37,464 --> 00:15:38,764 and I'll give it to you. 387 00:15:38,766 --> 00:15:41,934 All you have to do is admit that mystery is stupid 388 00:15:41,936 --> 00:15:45,404 by reading about Janet McIntyre. 389 00:15:45,406 --> 00:15:47,139 This is in no way emotional extortion. 390 00:15:47,141 --> 00:15:48,524 You guys are great. 391 00:15:48,526 --> 00:15:50,659 Fine, we'll look at your laptop. 392 00:15:51,995 --> 00:15:54,446 Sweet... 393 00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:57,082 mother... of God. 394 00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,336 I can't really see the computer screen. 395 00:16:00,338 --> 00:16:02,371 It just went down the wrong pipe. 396 00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:06,759 Whoa. 397 00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:09,044 If Lily and Marshall want me to click on it, 398 00:16:09,046 --> 00:16:11,847 maybe Janet really does have a deep, dark secret. 399 00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:14,266 What's going on? 400 00:16:14,268 --> 00:16:15,434 I'm a prostitute. 401 00:16:15,436 --> 00:16:16,352 You didn't think I was 402 00:16:16,354 --> 00:16:17,469 actually into you, did you? 403 00:16:17,471 --> 00:16:18,887 Sort of. 404 00:16:20,975 --> 00:16:23,175 Get it together, Mosby. 405 00:16:25,678 --> 00:16:27,079 Oh. 406 00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:30,348 You don't buy beer, you rent it. 407 00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:31,784 Am I right? 408 00:16:31,786 --> 00:16:33,202 This is the men's room. 409 00:16:33,204 --> 00:16:34,787 I know. 410 00:16:34,789 --> 00:16:35,754 I'm a dude. 411 00:16:45,132 --> 00:16:48,133 Listen, there's something you should know. 412 00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:50,386 I lied. 413 00:16:50,388 --> 00:16:52,221 I only kind of liked Annie Hall. 414 00:16:56,342 --> 00:16:59,261 I gots to know! 415 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:05,717 Sweet... 416 00:17:05,719 --> 00:17:08,437 mother... of God. 417 00:17:19,544 --> 00:17:21,695 Hey. 418 00:17:24,922 --> 00:17:26,923 Ted, are you okay? You look freaked out. 419 00:17:26,925 --> 00:17:29,559 I'm not freaked out. 420 00:17:29,561 --> 00:17:31,995 I was freaked out. Why? 421 00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:34,964 'Cause I had just discovered that Janet McIntyre was... 422 00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,200 amazing! 423 00:17:58,372 --> 00:18:02,458 And just like that, the wall went up. 424 00:18:02,460 --> 00:18:04,460 Okay, he looked at Janet McIntyre's 425 00:18:04,462 --> 00:18:06,329 Internet extravaganza. 426 00:18:06,331 --> 00:18:08,348 Here's the other half of the card. 427 00:18:14,138 --> 00:18:16,139 Wait. Should we do this? I... 428 00:18:16,141 --> 00:18:18,474 I don't know. I mean, my soul says no, 429 00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:21,027 but these hideous yellow walls scream yes. 430 00:18:21,029 --> 00:18:23,813 Should I just stop, or...? 431 00:18:23,815 --> 00:18:26,316 Sweet mother of God! 432 00:18:26,318 --> 00:18:29,702 A dog in Ottawa ran all the way to Saskatoon! 433 00:18:30,537 --> 00:18:31,854 What? 434 00:18:31,856 --> 00:18:33,122 We figured out the Janet thing. 435 00:18:33,124 --> 00:18:34,457 I'm catching up on Canada. 436 00:18:38,162 --> 00:18:39,862 You're with me on this, right? 437 00:18:39,864 --> 00:18:42,698 Otherwise, I can go down, and I can get the card. 438 00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:43,466 Absolutely. 439 00:18:43,468 --> 00:18:45,418 Oh, thank you. 440 00:18:47,537 --> 00:18:49,756 And so the gender remained a secret, 441 00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:53,176 but Janet McIntyre's life no longer was. 442 00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:55,144 There was only one problem. 443 00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:56,729 Ted, what's going on? 444 00:18:56,731 --> 00:18:59,265 Nothing. 445 00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:01,550 Did I mention that I'm the youngest architect 446 00:19:01,552 --> 00:19:03,987 in New York history to have a skyscraper built? 447 00:19:03,989 --> 00:19:05,721 Oh. So, I'm not quite 448 00:19:05,723 --> 00:19:08,241 as far beneath you as you might think. 449 00:19:08,243 --> 00:19:10,276 Why would I think that? 450 00:19:10,278 --> 00:19:12,695 No reason, but this one time in sixth grade, 451 00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:15,665 I saw a raccoon trapped in a gutter, and I told my dad, 452 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,533 and the firemen came and got it out, 453 00:19:17,535 --> 00:19:20,503 so it's not like I pulled a baby from a creek or anything, 454 00:19:20,505 --> 00:19:21,754 but at least I didn't ignore it 455 00:19:21,756 --> 00:19:24,674 and keep lighting bugs on fire with my magnifying glass. 456 00:19:24,676 --> 00:19:26,793 We had one promise, and you broke it. 457 00:19:26,795 --> 00:19:28,661 What are you talking about? 458 00:19:28,663 --> 00:19:30,579 You looked me up, and now you find me intimidating. 459 00:19:30,581 --> 00:19:32,849 Why-Why would I find you intimidating, okay? 460 00:19:32,851 --> 00:19:35,084 It's not like I donated a kidney, 461 00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:36,352 but I donated blood once, 462 00:19:36,354 --> 00:19:37,586 although I wound up fainting, 463 00:19:37,588 --> 00:19:39,722 and they had to put it all back in. 464 00:19:39,724 --> 00:19:41,941 I was so excited about this. 465 00:19:41,943 --> 00:19:45,228 But now you're just a blubbering idiot like the rest of them. 466 00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:46,696 No, I ain't! 467 00:19:46,698 --> 00:19:49,782 I mean, no, I never do that thing you says. 468 00:19:50,952 --> 00:19:52,652 What I mean is, you gooder than me 469 00:19:52,654 --> 00:19:55,705 no make difference! 470 00:19:55,707 --> 00:19:58,124 And that's that. 471 00:19:58,126 --> 00:20:00,493 I wish to God I'd never clicked on that link. 472 00:20:00,495 --> 00:20:01,911 I'm sorry, Ted. 473 00:20:01,913 --> 00:20:03,779 We were just trying to help. 474 00:20:03,781 --> 00:20:06,165 I said it was meddling and manipulative, 475 00:20:06,167 --> 00:20:08,167 but Kevin insisted we butt in. 476 00:20:11,889 --> 00:20:13,256 No, it's my fault. 477 00:20:13,258 --> 00:20:14,807 I never should have looked. 478 00:20:14,809 --> 00:20:17,677 In the battle of mystery versus history, 479 00:20:17,679 --> 00:20:19,645 it's best not to know. 480 00:20:19,647 --> 00:20:22,315 Lily Pad? 481 00:20:22,317 --> 00:20:23,850 What? 482 00:20:23,852 --> 00:20:26,235 We're having a boy. 483 00:20:27,421 --> 00:20:29,489 We're having a boy. 484 00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:30,806 We're having a boy! You're having a boy! 485 00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:32,859 We're having a... we're having a boy. 486 00:20:32,861 --> 00:20:34,360 We're having a boy. 487 00:20:34,362 --> 00:20:35,695 We're having a boy. 488 00:20:35,697 --> 00:20:38,081 I'll go buy some blue paint. 489 00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:50,551 It needs sharpening. 490 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:54,138 You see? I told you three days would go by in no time. 491 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:55,806 Phineas, take us up! 492 00:20:55,808 --> 00:20:57,224 Well, in case you were wondering, 493 00:20:57,226 --> 00:20:59,527 it rained the entire time I was in the Caribbean. 494 00:20:59,529 --> 00:21:03,708 Thank you for asking. 495 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:07,710 == sync, corrected by elderman ==