1 00:00:01,599 --> 00:00:02,783 Kids, have I ever told you 2 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:05,068 the story of how I met your father? 3 00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:06,369 Well, I'll just skip ahead 4 00:00:06,371 --> 00:00:08,905 to the moment I told him I was pregnant. 5 00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:12,659 W... What happened? 6 00:00:12,661 --> 00:00:13,960 Did I pass out? 7 00:00:13,962 --> 00:00:15,746 Not exactly. 8 00:00:15,748 --> 00:00:17,881 I'm pregnant. 9 00:00:21,135 --> 00:00:23,920 Are you sure you're not just getting fat? 10 00:00:25,923 --> 00:00:28,391 Oh, yeah. 11 00:00:28,393 --> 00:00:30,811 So, um, you're pregnant. 12 00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:31,845 Yeah. 13 00:00:31,847 --> 00:00:33,647 Huh. 14 00:00:33,649 --> 00:00:36,016 Looks like nobody told your boobs. 15 00:00:38,152 --> 00:00:40,804 What happened? 16 00:00:40,806 --> 00:00:42,105 Did I pass out? 17 00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:42,856 Oh, my... 18 00:00:42,858 --> 00:00:43,973 Please stop hitting me! 19 00:00:43,975 --> 00:00:46,243 Hey. 20 00:00:46,245 --> 00:00:50,530 Are... Are you sure you're... 21 00:00:50,532 --> 00:00:52,449 Well, no, not positive. 22 00:00:52,451 --> 00:00:53,867 I'm a week late. 23 00:00:53,869 --> 00:00:56,086 But I'm never late; it's a point of pride with me. 24 00:00:56,088 --> 00:00:57,153 I'm going to go 25 00:00:57,155 --> 00:00:59,339 see the doctor on Monday to find out for sure. 26 00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:02,542 Until then, not a word of this to anyone. 27 00:01:02,544 --> 00:01:03,760 Not even Kevin? 28 00:01:04,495 --> 00:01:07,430 I mean, it's probably his. 29 00:01:07,432 --> 00:01:09,299 I've spent years training my boys 30 00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:10,684 to swim the other way. 31 00:01:10,686 --> 00:01:12,636 Kevin and I haven't had sex yet. 32 00:01:13,538 --> 00:01:16,005 If I'm pregnant, you're the dad. 33 00:01:17,859 --> 00:01:20,009 That's wonderful! 34 00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:21,194 Huh? 35 00:01:21,196 --> 00:01:23,146 I'm gonna be a daddy! 36 00:01:25,297 --> 00:01:29,297 ? How I Met Your Mother 7x12 ? Symphony of Illumination Original Air Date on December 21, 2011 37 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:33,322 == sync, corrected by elderman == 38 00:01:40,957 --> 00:01:43,384 Okay, one scotch for me, 39 00:01:43,385 --> 00:01:45,068 one iced tea on the rocks glass for Mommy. 40 00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:46,019 Stop it. 41 00:01:46,021 --> 00:01:47,020 Sorry, sorry. 42 00:01:47,022 --> 00:01:48,071 Keeping it secret. 43 00:01:49,224 --> 00:01:51,725 Oop, I think I gave you the wrong one. 44 00:01:51,727 --> 00:01:52,909 Here, let me just... 45 00:01:52,911 --> 00:01:54,861 Give it to me. Drop... let go. 46 00:01:54,863 --> 00:01:58,198 Take it away from you. 47 00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:01,418 Barney, why are you so happy about this? 48 00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:02,419 Because this is perfect. 49 00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:03,787 I want to be a dad. 50 00:02:03,789 --> 00:02:05,422 This is not good news. 51 00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:06,707 I have a boyfriend. 52 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,625 Yeah, but if Kevin weren't around... 53 00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:09,593 It doesn't matter! 54 00:02:09,595 --> 00:02:11,795 I don't want kids. 55 00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:13,013 I've never wanted kids, 56 00:02:13,015 --> 00:02:16,850 and never, in a million years, will I ever want kids. 57 00:02:16,852 --> 00:02:19,519 Sorry, kids. 58 00:02:19,521 --> 00:02:21,855 I can't have a baby. 59 00:02:21,857 --> 00:02:22,939 Hey, guys! 60 00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:26,526 Guess what this is! 61 00:02:26,528 --> 00:02:28,762 One of your socks? Boom! You're huge. 62 00:02:28,764 --> 00:02:31,931 No, it's our unborn son's Christmas stocking. 63 00:02:31,933 --> 00:02:33,483 Grandma Gunderson started knitting it 64 00:02:33,485 --> 00:02:35,869 the day Lily and I got married. 65 00:02:35,871 --> 00:02:39,873 She died before she could finish. 66 00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:40,907 I miss stockings. 67 00:02:40,909 --> 00:02:42,876 My stepdad Clint made us get rid of anything 68 00:02:42,878 --> 00:02:45,612 that reminds him of the commercialization of Christmas. 69 00:02:45,614 --> 00:02:47,964 I thought you said he dresses up as Santa. 70 00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:50,667 Yeah, but, uh, to protest gender stereotypes, 71 00:02:50,669 --> 00:02:52,052 he plays Santa as a woman. 72 00:02:52,054 --> 00:02:53,670 Though, he keeps the beard. 73 00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:57,007 The result is disturbing. 74 00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,308 Well, we should go. 75 00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,260 We have to get to We B Babies 76 00:03:00,262 --> 00:03:02,512 so that we can register for our shower. 77 00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:03,797 No can do. 78 00:03:03,799 --> 00:03:07,901 Um, I have a big project that I'm working on. 79 00:03:07,903 --> 00:03:11,855 This is Richard Holdman's house in East Meadow. 80 00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:15,108 Last year, he had the most visited Christmas display 81 00:03:15,110 --> 00:03:16,359 in the tri-state area. 82 00:03:16,361 --> 00:03:18,245 But not this year. You know why? 83 00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,980 Because Big Fudge has come to town, 84 00:03:20,982 --> 00:03:22,999 and he brought his two friends: 85 00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:25,485 Mannim... Steamroller. 86 00:03:25,487 --> 00:03:26,486 Game on. 87 00:03:27,656 --> 00:03:28,505 Are you okay? 88 00:03:28,507 --> 00:03:29,656 Yeah. 89 00:03:29,658 --> 00:03:31,925 Uh, it's just, um... 90 00:03:31,927 --> 00:03:34,044 I hate Mannheim Steamroller. 91 00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,796 Isn't there anyone else you can use? 92 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:38,949 Come on! Who am I gonna use if not the Steamroller?! 93 00:03:38,951 --> 00:03:40,967 I don't know. AC/DC? 94 00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:42,819 AC/DC? 95 00:03:42,821 --> 00:03:44,971 Robin, do you have any idea 96 00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:47,607 why they call them Mannheim Steamroller? 97 00:03:47,609 --> 00:03:51,862 Because they rock... so hard, so festively, 98 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:56,233 that steam comes out of your brain. 99 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:57,951 As it melts. 100 00:03:57,953 --> 00:04:00,687 So I have to go to We B Babies by myself? 101 00:04:00,689 --> 00:04:02,522 Robin and I will go with you. 102 00:04:04,859 --> 00:04:07,210 Barney, what are we doing here? 103 00:04:07,212 --> 00:04:09,362 I want to show you that having a kid 104 00:04:09,364 --> 00:04:10,914 is nothing to be afraid of. 105 00:04:12,384 --> 00:04:14,885 Kids. Stop. 106 00:04:17,555 --> 00:04:19,222 Okay, first on the registry: 107 00:04:19,224 --> 00:04:20,257 nipple butter. 108 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:21,207 Uh-oh. 109 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:22,342 As you breast-feed, 110 00:04:22,344 --> 00:04:24,210 your nipples stretch out, like, four inches 111 00:04:24,212 --> 00:04:25,762 and get all dry and cracked. 112 00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:27,564 The nipple butter stops the bleeding. 113 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,569 My four-inch nipples are going to crack and bleed?! 114 00:04:32,571 --> 00:04:36,356 Yes, but while the baby is gnawing on your bleeding nips, 115 00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:39,225 look what she'll be wearing. 116 00:04:43,614 --> 00:04:46,566 Insane Duane? 117 00:04:48,469 --> 00:04:50,003 Barney? 118 00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:52,756 Insane Duane was your father's best friend, 119 00:04:52,758 --> 00:04:56,009 back in the days before he met me or your Uncle Ted. 120 00:04:57,879 --> 00:04:59,379 We're going back to her place. 121 00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:00,380 Boom! 122 00:05:00,382 --> 00:05:01,882 All right, you win! 123 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,250 Here's 20 for picking up a girl with only one word. 124 00:05:04,252 --> 00:05:06,252 And here's another 20 for that word being "boner." 125 00:05:06,254 --> 00:05:07,888 Thank you. 126 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:12,592 I'll meet you back here in an hour when I'm done with, uh... 127 00:05:13,594 --> 00:05:15,028 Ah, who cares what her name is; she won't be 128 00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:16,112 around long enough for it to matter. 129 00:05:17,232 --> 00:05:18,481 Nice! 130 00:05:21,285 --> 00:05:24,321 Shh... 131 00:05:24,323 --> 00:05:26,156 I can't believe I haven't seen you around. 132 00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:29,075 Well, after Sheila and I had that quickie, 133 00:05:29,077 --> 00:05:33,713 my life's been playdates, preschools and poops. 134 00:05:33,715 --> 00:05:35,632 I haven't set foot in a bar in years. 135 00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:37,300 You stopped drinking? 136 00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:40,253 Oh, I still drink. 137 00:05:41,756 --> 00:05:43,640 Vaginal numbing spray. 138 00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:45,225 Apparently, after child birth, 139 00:05:45,227 --> 00:05:47,844 your hoo-ha looks like Rocky Balboa's face. 140 00:05:47,846 --> 00:05:50,897 - You can't have a baby! - I can't have a baby! 141 00:05:51,832 --> 00:05:54,467 The next day, we went to the doctor. 142 00:05:54,469 --> 00:05:55,819 Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky, 143 00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:57,804 I'm sure that you and your husband... 144 00:05:57,806 --> 00:05:59,239 Uh, he's not my husband. 145 00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:00,190 Oh, I'm so sorry. 146 00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:01,307 Your boyfriend then. 147 00:06:01,309 --> 00:06:02,275 He's not my boyfriend. 148 00:06:02,277 --> 00:06:03,443 Oh, bozhe. 149 00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:05,445 All right, well, I will just cut to the chase. 150 00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:06,496 Wait! Wait. 151 00:06:06,498 --> 00:06:09,148 All right. 152 00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:10,583 Okay. 153 00:06:10,585 --> 00:06:11,751 All right, we're ready. Good. 154 00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:14,087 not pregnant. 155 00:06:14,089 --> 00:06:15,655 Yeah! 156 00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:17,040 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah! 157 00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:18,992 That's what I'm talking about! 158 00:06:22,347 --> 00:06:24,180 Yeah, you know, you know! 159 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:26,666 Again, sorry kids. 160 00:06:28,352 --> 00:06:29,502 Hey, mister. 161 00:06:29,504 --> 00:06:31,554 Are you putting up all these Christmas lights? 162 00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:33,840 Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, 163 00:06:33,842 --> 00:06:36,810 you're gonna be able to see this son of a bitch from outer space. 164 00:06:36,812 --> 00:06:38,728 Ah, cool. 165 00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:40,814 I wanted to put lights on our house, 166 00:06:40,816 --> 00:06:44,067 but my dad says he's too busy with work and stuff. 167 00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:50,290 Hey, what do you say, uh, you come back here next weekend 168 00:06:50,292 --> 00:06:51,658 and help me out? 169 00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:52,709 Yeah! 170 00:06:52,711 --> 00:06:54,527 You've got yourself a deal. 171 00:06:54,529 --> 00:06:55,862 I'm Scott. 172 00:06:55,864 --> 00:06:59,198 I'm... Mr. Eriksen. 173 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,583 Thanks, Mr. E. 174 00:07:03,671 --> 00:07:05,255 Mr. E. 175 00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:07,557 Looks like some little scamp just earned the right 176 00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:09,592 to put the Vikings helmet on baby Jesus. 177 00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:14,647 Later that week, as I was enjoying every second 178 00:07:14,649 --> 00:07:16,149 of not being pregnant... 179 00:07:16,151 --> 00:07:17,717 Next on Teenage Mommies... 180 00:07:17,719 --> 00:07:19,986 But you said you would watch Bella. 181 00:07:19,988 --> 00:07:21,855 I have cheerleading practice. 182 00:07:23,224 --> 00:07:25,091 Sucks to be you, Braces. 183 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,445 Oh. Um... 184 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,080 Yello! 185 00:07:31,866 --> 00:07:34,534 Uh, yeah, I can come back in. 186 00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:37,837 Robin, we ran some tests last week. 187 00:07:37,839 --> 00:07:42,042 This is going to be difficult to hear. 188 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:45,845 And then the doctor said a bunch of medical stuff that... 189 00:07:45,847 --> 00:07:48,765 well, the gist of it was this. 190 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:50,934 I can't have a baby. 191 00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,353 No. You can't have a baby. 192 00:08:01,142 --> 00:08:02,159 Uh, great. 193 00:08:02,161 --> 00:08:06,981 Uh, well, I mean, um, not-not great. 194 00:08:06,983 --> 00:08:08,065 I mean, I've never wanted kids, 195 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,184 so if it has to happen to someone... 196 00:08:10,186 --> 00:08:13,938 Robin, is there anyone you can talk to about this? 197 00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:15,573 Perhaps a close friend? 198 00:08:15,575 --> 00:08:17,908 I knew I could have talked to my friends. 199 00:08:17,910 --> 00:08:19,743 But, it's just, I already knew 200 00:08:19,745 --> 00:08:21,829 exactly how they would all react. 201 00:08:21,831 --> 00:08:24,865 Ted would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better. 202 00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:26,250 You need comfort food. 203 00:08:26,252 --> 00:08:28,602 Fried chicken, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes. 204 00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:30,454 Open your present, I'll work on these shoulders. 205 00:08:30,456 --> 00:08:32,823 Okay, just breathe, relax, eat your chicken. 206 00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:34,542 Come on, eat, breathe, 207 00:08:34,544 --> 00:08:36,760 open it, breathe, open it, eat. 208 00:08:36,762 --> 00:08:38,328 Robin, why are you so tense?! 209 00:08:39,265 --> 00:08:41,265 Lily would just implode. 210 00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:45,502 And here I've been going on and on about babies. 211 00:08:45,504 --> 00:08:49,773 Oh, I am such a bad friend! 212 00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,477 And I'd wind up comforting her. 213 00:08:53,479 --> 00:08:54,445 It's okay. 214 00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:57,347 You have to punch me in the face! 215 00:08:57,349 --> 00:08:59,650 Marshall would ask me a ton of questions 216 00:08:59,652 --> 00:09:01,201 I don't know the answers to. 217 00:09:01,203 --> 00:09:03,354 - Have you thought about adoption? - Um, well... 218 00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:05,039 Does this kind of thing run in your family? 219 00:09:05,041 --> 00:09:05,873 Uh... 220 00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:06,907 What was the date, duration 221 00:09:06,909 --> 00:09:09,710 and consistency of your last period? 222 00:09:09,712 --> 00:09:12,329 And your father would bend over backwards 223 00:09:12,331 --> 00:09:13,797 trying to make me laugh. 224 00:09:13,799 --> 00:09:16,199 A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar-- 225 00:09:16,201 --> 00:09:18,552 no, a barbershop-- no, a post office-- 226 00:09:18,554 --> 00:09:21,088 no, it's two priests-- no, it's two ducks-- 227 00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:23,373 no, a priest holding a duck-- and he's Polish. 228 00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:24,675 The priest, not the duck. 229 00:09:24,677 --> 00:09:26,343 Actually, the duck could be Polish, too. 230 00:09:26,345 --> 00:09:27,561 Doesn't matter. 231 00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:29,396 Yes it does. The duck's not Polish. 232 00:09:29,398 --> 00:09:30,481 And when that didn't work, 233 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:32,650 he would actually bend over backwards. 234 00:09:32,652 --> 00:09:34,285 Pratfall! 235 00:09:34,287 --> 00:09:35,836 Ow! 236 00:09:35,838 --> 00:09:39,222 The bottom line is, I didn't feel like talking about it. 237 00:09:39,224 --> 00:09:41,358 So when Ted asked... 238 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,277 Hey, Robin, you okay? You look upset. 239 00:09:43,279 --> 00:09:46,664 I just came up with the first lie that popped into my head. 240 00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:48,699 Yeah. Uh... 241 00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:51,335 I just found out I can never... 242 00:09:51,337 --> 00:09:54,955 be a pole-vaulter for the Canadian Olympic team. 243 00:09:54,957 --> 00:09:57,091 I'm too tall or something. 244 00:09:57,093 --> 00:09:58,258 Robin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Robin. 245 00:09:58,260 --> 00:09:59,293 I had no idea. That's terrible. 246 00:09:59,295 --> 00:10:01,211 Can we get some fried chicken over here, stat! 247 00:10:01,213 --> 00:10:04,298 I am such a bad friend! 248 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,216 Three slutty nuns show up at St. Peter's-- 249 00:10:06,218 --> 00:10:07,518 Wait, wait, they're not slutty. 250 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,269 Well, they are, but you're not supposed to know that yet. 251 00:10:09,271 --> 00:10:10,420 Um... 252 00:10:10,422 --> 00:10:11,755 Hey, baby, what's up? 253 00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,091 Hey, uh, listen, the construction of 254 00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:15,726 the Symphony of Illumination is taking 255 00:10:15,728 --> 00:10:16,944 a little longer than I thought. 256 00:10:16,946 --> 00:10:18,979 Good thing I have Scott here to help me. 257 00:10:18,981 --> 00:10:20,114 Right, Scott? 258 00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:21,782 You betcha, Mr. E! 259 00:10:21,784 --> 00:10:22,616 Bad news. 260 00:10:22,618 --> 00:10:23,651 Robin's too tall 261 00:10:23,653 --> 00:10:25,435 to be an Olympic pole-vaulter. 262 00:10:25,437 --> 00:10:27,071 Has she filed an appeal with the IOC? 263 00:10:27,073 --> 00:10:28,539 Have you filed an appeal with the IOC? 264 00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:30,491 Can she make herself shorter by slouching? 265 00:10:30,493 --> 00:10:31,875 Can you make yourself shorter by slouching? 266 00:10:31,877 --> 00:10:33,160 Has she considered going back to school 267 00:10:33,162 --> 00:10:34,411 and competing at the collegiate level? 268 00:10:34,413 --> 00:10:36,296 Have you considered going back to school and... 269 00:10:36,298 --> 00:10:37,748 I don't want to talk about it. 270 00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:39,667 Sorry. 271 00:10:39,669 --> 00:10:41,502 I love you, baby. See you tomorrow. 272 00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:43,003 Okay, I love you, too. 273 00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:46,974 Scott? 274 00:10:46,976 --> 00:10:48,342 Scott, I dropped my phone. 275 00:10:48,344 --> 00:10:49,810 Yep, found it. 276 00:10:49,812 --> 00:10:51,095 Could you bring it up here? 277 00:10:51,097 --> 00:10:52,396 You got it. 278 00:10:52,398 --> 00:10:54,898 Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer? 279 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:58,318 He wants to bring the old man a beer. 280 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,436 Yeah, sure. 281 00:10:59,438 --> 00:11:01,188 Uh, there's a whole case in the fridge. 282 00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:02,356 Thanks, son. 283 00:11:02,358 --> 00:11:05,242 Do you, do you mind if I call you "son"? 284 00:11:05,244 --> 00:11:07,361 You can call me whatever you want... 285 00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:09,163 jackass. 286 00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:14,151 Scott? 287 00:11:14,153 --> 00:11:15,619 The ladder fell. 288 00:11:16,454 --> 00:11:18,822 Scott? 289 00:11:22,927 --> 00:11:25,179 ? ? 290 00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,005 Scott! 291 00:11:35,007 --> 00:11:37,825 What are we doing? 292 00:11:40,344 --> 00:11:42,179 Listen, um, 293 00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:43,831 I know things have been kind of weird 294 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,649 between you and me these past couple weeks, 295 00:11:45,651 --> 00:11:47,034 so I just want to say I'm... 296 00:11:47,036 --> 00:11:48,619 I'm glad we're back to where we started. 297 00:11:48,621 --> 00:11:50,353 - Yeah. - Friends with benefits. 298 00:11:50,355 --> 00:11:51,655 - No. - Just like always. 299 00:11:51,657 --> 00:11:52,990 Never been that. Just friends. 300 00:11:52,992 --> 00:11:54,875 With benefits. We'll talk about it later. 301 00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:57,911 Look at all these babies. 302 00:11:57,913 --> 00:11:59,913 Isn't it crazy how, now that we're not having one, 303 00:11:59,915 --> 00:12:01,381 babies are cute again? 304 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,751 Look at that one. 305 00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:04,785 I'm good. 306 00:12:04,787 --> 00:12:06,536 No, I'm serious. Look, look. 307 00:12:06,538 --> 00:12:08,138 Damn it. 308 00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:10,340 That thing's cute as crap. 309 00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:13,510 Screw you, baby. 310 00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,014 Scott? 311 00:12:17,016 --> 00:12:18,215 Scott! 312 00:12:18,217 --> 00:12:20,234 What is going on? 313 00:12:20,236 --> 00:12:21,935 Hey, Mr. E. Scott... 314 00:12:21,937 --> 00:12:24,688 if you do not let me down, I am going to scream 315 00:12:24,690 --> 00:12:26,573 my head off until someone comes to help me, 316 00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:29,910 and then you're going to have to explain all of this to the cops. 317 00:12:29,912 --> 00:12:31,561 And then you'll have to explain why there's 318 00:12:31,563 --> 00:12:34,031 a picture of my ding-dong on your phone. 319 00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:35,532 There is no picture of your... 320 00:12:35,534 --> 00:12:37,918 There is now. 321 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,920 Oh, yeah, that's a beauty. 322 00:12:39,922 --> 00:12:41,121 Scott? 323 00:12:41,123 --> 00:12:42,906 Scott! 324 00:12:43,792 --> 00:12:45,759 Scott! 325 00:12:45,761 --> 00:12:47,261 Marshall keeps 326 00:12:47,263 --> 00:12:50,264 asking me to text him pictures of my boobies. 327 00:12:50,266 --> 00:12:52,049 After all these years, 328 00:12:52,051 --> 00:12:54,935 he sometimes still acts like a teenager. 329 00:12:54,937 --> 00:12:56,436 I'll be right back. 330 00:13:01,609 --> 00:13:04,528 Insane Duane. 331 00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:07,698 It's Sane Duane now. 332 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,067 You used to be magnificent. 333 00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:20,244 Are you okay? 334 00:13:20,246 --> 00:13:24,131 Yeah, yeah, um, I guess this, um, 335 00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:27,801 this pole-vaulting thing is finally hitting me. 336 00:13:27,803 --> 00:13:28,886 I don't get it, Robin. 337 00:13:28,888 --> 00:13:31,588 Did you really want to be a pole-vaulter? 338 00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:35,292 No, no, I was, uh, I was always 339 00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:37,728 adamantly against having a... 340 00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:40,013 uh, a pole-vaulting career, 341 00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:42,132 even though it's what most women want. 342 00:13:42,134 --> 00:13:44,518 Most women want to be a pole-vaulter? 343 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,687 In Canada-- it's very big up there. 344 00:13:46,689 --> 00:13:48,355 You know, it's, it's meet a nice guy, 345 00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:51,158 get married, vault some poles, 346 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,593 but I... 347 00:13:52,595 --> 00:13:55,162 never wanted that. 348 00:13:55,164 --> 00:13:57,480 Of course, it's one thing not to want something. 349 00:13:57,482 --> 00:13:59,833 It's another to be told you can't have it. 350 00:14:01,202 --> 00:14:02,920 I guess it's, it's just nice knowing 351 00:14:02,922 --> 00:14:08,008 that you could someday do it if you changed your mind. 352 00:14:09,444 --> 00:14:13,380 But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. 353 00:14:15,683 --> 00:14:19,119 What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time? 354 00:14:19,121 --> 00:14:21,355 That seems like something you'd be good at. 355 00:14:22,891 --> 00:14:25,675 Oh, my God, Robin, look at this. 356 00:14:25,677 --> 00:14:27,361 O Cana-dorable! 357 00:14:27,363 --> 00:14:28,362 Am I right? 358 00:14:28,364 --> 00:14:29,897 Excuse me. 359 00:14:30,665 --> 00:14:33,367 Yep, this works. 360 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,081 Scott, when I get 361 00:14:39,082 --> 00:14:40,381 down from here, you are going 362 00:14:40,383 --> 00:14:42,800 to be in big, big trouble, mister. 363 00:14:42,802 --> 00:14:44,168 Come on, Mr. E. 364 00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:46,587 Didn't you ever cut loose when you were a kid? 365 00:14:46,589 --> 00:14:49,006 That's irrelevant. 366 00:14:49,008 --> 00:14:51,425 I mean, of course I did. 367 00:14:51,427 --> 00:14:53,644 One time, when my parents were out of town, 368 00:14:53,646 --> 00:14:57,732 my brothers and I set the basement on fire 369 00:14:57,734 --> 00:15:00,935 hosting an amateur wrestling exhibition. 370 00:15:02,053 --> 00:15:04,405 There were some theatrics. 371 00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:06,774 See, you get me. 372 00:15:06,776 --> 00:15:09,944 I don't think of you as some dummy I trapped on the roof. 373 00:15:09,946 --> 00:15:14,115 I think of you more like, like my dad. 374 00:15:15,534 --> 00:15:19,754 Can we keep the party going for 30 more minutes, please? 375 00:15:22,374 --> 00:15:24,375 Okay, Scott. 376 00:15:24,377 --> 00:15:27,044 Thanks, Pop. 377 00:15:28,764 --> 00:15:32,633 It's fine, kid just needed to blow off some steam. 378 00:15:39,924 --> 00:15:40,941 No! 379 00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:44,111 Grandma Gunderson knitted that! 380 00:15:44,113 --> 00:15:47,732 Scott...! 381 00:15:47,734 --> 00:15:49,116 That was crazy. 382 00:15:49,118 --> 00:15:51,452 She just ran out of there crying. 383 00:15:51,454 --> 00:15:52,953 Now she's not answering her phone. 384 00:15:52,955 --> 00:15:55,906 She's been acting really weird for a few weeks now, 385 00:15:55,908 --> 00:15:59,910 really since the night we discussed the hurricane. 386 00:15:59,912 --> 00:16:01,278 Barney, you split a cab home. 387 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,830 Did she say anything? 388 00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:07,785 We didn't really talk much. 389 00:16:07,787 --> 00:16:08,886 Well, lucky for us, 390 00:16:08,888 --> 00:16:11,806 someone at this table is skilled 391 00:16:11,808 --> 00:16:14,558 in the art of detection. 392 00:16:15,343 --> 00:16:16,977 Robin's upset. 393 00:16:16,979 --> 00:16:19,814 She and Kevin are having trouble. 394 00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:21,632 - He cheated on her. - No way. 395 00:16:21,634 --> 00:16:25,319 Kevin's an honest, decent guy who never on his best day 396 00:16:25,321 --> 00:16:27,304 could pull a hotter chick than Robin. 397 00:16:27,306 --> 00:16:29,156 Maybe Robin cheated on him. 398 00:16:29,158 --> 00:16:32,976 Maybe Robin is the dirty bird who slept with someone else. 399 00:16:32,978 --> 00:16:35,246 I don't know, this pole-vaulting thing seems 400 00:16:35,248 --> 00:16:37,147 like a slam dunk to me. 401 00:16:37,149 --> 00:16:39,083 Oh, it is so obvious. 402 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,418 Barney. 403 00:16:41,319 --> 00:16:42,503 What is the name of that guy 404 00:16:42,505 --> 00:16:44,171 you worked with-- uh, Randy? 405 00:16:44,173 --> 00:16:45,372 It was Randy. 406 00:16:45,374 --> 00:16:46,340 Wait a second. 407 00:16:46,342 --> 00:16:48,509 I just cracked this case. 408 00:16:49,762 --> 00:16:51,161 The little maple leaf onesie. 409 00:16:51,163 --> 00:16:53,097 It made her homesick. 410 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,048 That's why she's so upset. 411 00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,132 She's not going home for Christmas. 412 00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:57,635 She wants me to invite her to Ohio. 413 00:16:57,637 --> 00:16:59,503 That's got to be it! 414 00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:01,555 Either that or she slept with Barney. 415 00:17:14,736 --> 00:17:17,288 Oh, you must be Scott. 416 00:17:17,290 --> 00:17:19,707 Oh, hello, ma'am. 417 00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:22,042 It's nice to finally see your face. 418 00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:24,545 Well, I'd better go hit those books. 419 00:17:24,547 --> 00:17:28,031 Hold it right there, young man. 420 00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:31,635 This is for helping out my husband. 421 00:17:32,471 --> 00:17:35,139 Wow, 50 bucks. 422 00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,307 Merry Christmas. 423 00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:47,902 Lily! 424 00:17:47,904 --> 00:17:50,104 An airplane ticket to Cleveland? 425 00:17:50,106 --> 00:17:52,106 I know it's not Canada, but it starts with a "C" 426 00:17:52,108 --> 00:17:54,525 and it's cold as balls, so get packed. 427 00:17:54,527 --> 00:17:56,243 You're coming home with me for Christmas. 428 00:17:56,245 --> 00:17:57,995 Yeah, nice try, dude. 429 00:17:57,997 --> 00:17:59,029 I wouldn't go to Cleveland 430 00:17:59,031 --> 00:18:02,733 for $125 million paid over six years. 431 00:18:02,735 --> 00:18:03,751 Still? 432 00:18:03,753 --> 00:18:05,336 Still with the LeBron jokes? 433 00:18:05,338 --> 00:18:06,587 Where's that ring, huh? 434 00:18:06,589 --> 00:18:08,589 Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now? 435 00:18:09,457 --> 00:18:11,241 Look, I just-- I thought you were bummed 436 00:18:11,243 --> 00:18:12,793 about not going home for Christmas. 437 00:18:12,795 --> 00:18:13,911 Are you kidding? 438 00:18:13,913 --> 00:18:16,263 I love New York at Christmas. 439 00:18:16,265 --> 00:18:18,599 It's so quiet and peaceful. 440 00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:22,102 Got my eggnog to keep me company, so... 441 00:18:22,104 --> 00:18:24,388 Robin, what's wrong? 442 00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,440 - Nothing. - Just tell me. 443 00:18:26,442 --> 00:18:28,058 Why do you need to know so bad? 444 00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,226 So I can cheer you up. 445 00:18:29,228 --> 00:18:30,761 It's not your job to cheer me up. 446 00:18:30,763 --> 00:18:31,729 Yes, it is. 447 00:18:31,731 --> 00:18:33,814 Cheering you up is my job. 448 00:18:33,816 --> 00:18:35,649 Well, then, you're fired. 449 00:18:35,651 --> 00:18:36,650 You can't fire me. 450 00:18:36,652 --> 00:18:37,935 I'm union, bitch. 451 00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:39,403 It's not your job to cheer me up. 452 00:18:39,405 --> 00:18:40,454 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 453 00:18:40,456 --> 00:18:41,372 Yes, it is. 454 00:18:41,374 --> 00:18:42,940 No, it's not. 455 00:18:44,876 --> 00:18:47,277 Merry Christmas, Ted. 456 00:18:48,129 --> 00:18:50,331 Merry Christmas. 457 00:18:52,884 --> 00:18:57,254 So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone. 458 00:18:57,256 --> 00:19:00,057 I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, 459 00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:02,960 but honestly, it wasn't necessary. 460 00:19:02,962 --> 00:19:04,929 So I can't have kids. 461 00:19:04,931 --> 00:19:06,680 Big deal. 462 00:19:06,682 --> 00:19:09,099 This way there's no one to hold me back in life, 463 00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:10,734 no one to keep me from traveling 464 00:19:10,736 --> 00:19:12,135 where I want to travel, 465 00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:13,988 no one getting in the way of my career. 466 00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:16,807 If you want to know the truth of it, 467 00:19:16,809 --> 00:19:19,643 I'm glad you guys aren't real. 468 00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:35,659 Really glad. 469 00:19:52,694 --> 00:19:54,862 Damn it. 470 00:19:56,015 --> 00:19:59,550 ("Highway to Hell" by AC/DC playing) 471 00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:11,194 Yes, it is. 472 00:20:12,363 --> 00:20:15,416 Look, you don't want to tell me what's wrong, fine. 473 00:20:15,418 --> 00:20:16,717 I don't need to know. 474 00:20:17,819 --> 00:20:20,537 But you can never stop me from trying to cheer you up. 475 00:20:21,506 --> 00:20:22,589 It's a fact of life. 476 00:20:22,591 --> 00:20:24,975 You're just gonna have to deal with it. 477 00:20:24,977 --> 00:20:26,043 Ted... 478 00:20:26,045 --> 00:20:27,928 Hold on, hold on, this is the best part. 479 00:20:29,781 --> 00:20:33,884 ? I'm on the highway to hell ? 480 00:20:33,886 --> 00:20:37,988 ? On the highway to hell ? 481 00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:42,443 ? Highway to hell... ? 482 00:20:42,445 --> 00:20:45,846 Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole-vaulter, 483 00:20:45,848 --> 00:20:47,831 but she did become a famous journalist, 484 00:20:47,833 --> 00:20:51,051 a successful businesswoman, a world traveler. 485 00:20:51,053 --> 00:20:52,670 She was even briefly a bullfighter-- 486 00:20:52,672 --> 00:20:55,238 that's a funny story, I'll get to that one later. 487 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:59,209 But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was. 488 00:20:59,211 --> 00:21:00,243 She was never alone. 489 00:21:02,298 --> 00:21:06,298 == sync, corrected by elderman ==