1 00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:03,795 Hey, guys. Where are Marshall and Lily? 2 00:00:03,797 --> 00:00:05,713 Something terrible happened. 3 00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:07,515 Are they okay? Are they in the hospital? 4 00:00:07,517 --> 00:00:08,783 No. 5 00:00:08,785 --> 00:00:12,820 Somewhere much... much worse. 6 00:00:12,822 --> 00:00:14,055 Long Island! 7 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,556 Tonight, we're moving out there for good. 8 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:19,110 Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house. 9 00:00:19,112 --> 00:00:20,511 Long Island? 10 00:00:20,513 --> 00:00:21,896 I don't understand. 11 00:00:21,898 --> 00:00:24,098 You can get spray tans here. 12 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,183 I never let myself 13 00:00:25,185 --> 00:00:27,318 believe this day would really come. 14 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,569 It's like when they canceled 15 00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,855 Party of Five for the second time. 16 00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:35,843 I mean when they... canceled sports. 17 00:00:35,845 --> 00:00:38,646 Guys, we'll still see each other all the time, 18 00:00:38,648 --> 00:00:40,147 and we'll talk on the phone. 19 00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:42,200 And I know people say that having kids means 20 00:00:42,202 --> 00:00:43,701 you won't see your friends anymore, but... 21 00:00:43,703 --> 00:00:45,253 Oh, God, this is good-bye, isn't it? 22 00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:46,621 No. Stop it. 23 00:00:46,623 --> 00:00:47,872 Guys, this doesn't 24 00:00:47,874 --> 00:00:49,123 change anything. 25 00:00:49,125 --> 00:00:52,377 We are only a 46-minute train ride away. 26 00:00:52,379 --> 00:00:53,511 Just pop out 27 00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:54,846 whenever you want. 28 00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:57,715 So... I guess this seat is open. 29 00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:01,936 I'll go get a chair. 30 00:01:04,056 --> 00:01:05,390 So that's it. 31 00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:06,841 No more Marshall. 32 00:01:06,843 --> 00:01:07,892 No more Lily. 33 00:01:07,894 --> 00:01:09,510 They're gone. 34 00:01:09,512 --> 00:01:11,512 Which means... 35 00:01:11,514 --> 00:01:14,181 no lame married couple 36 00:01:14,183 --> 00:01:16,901 shooting down all my amazing ideas. 37 00:01:16,903 --> 00:01:18,986 Guys, great news. 38 00:01:18,988 --> 00:01:21,963 I'm the new leader of the gang! 39 00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:25,965 ? How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ? 46 Minutes Original Air Date on January 16, 2012 40 00:01:25,990 --> 00:01:29,990 == sync, corrected by elderman == 41 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,222 Marshall and Lily were almost done decorating their new home. 42 00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:39,924 I like it there much better. Yeah. 43 00:01:39,926 --> 00:01:41,041 There was only one problem. 44 00:01:41,043 --> 00:01:42,593 Wrong! 45 00:01:42,595 --> 00:01:45,045 This can't go here. 46 00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:47,148 Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, 47 00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,716 Lily's estranged father 48 00:01:48,718 --> 00:01:50,902 unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. 49 00:01:50,904 --> 00:01:52,904 It was a gesture she appreciated. 50 00:01:52,906 --> 00:01:55,590 But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough. 51 00:01:55,592 --> 00:01:56,941 That has to go there 52 00:01:56,943 --> 00:01:58,826 to cover up the splintery floorboard. 53 00:01:58,828 --> 00:01:59,777 And you can't hang 54 00:01:59,779 --> 00:02:01,195 this picture here. 55 00:02:01,197 --> 00:02:03,664 This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste. 56 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:07,435 Guys, you're so lucky I'm here. 57 00:02:07,437 --> 00:02:09,120 I grew up in this house. 58 00:02:09,122 --> 00:02:11,572 I know it like the back of my hand. 59 00:02:11,574 --> 00:02:14,292 And this lamp absolutely cannot be here. 60 00:02:14,294 --> 00:02:16,043 Why not? 61 00:02:16,045 --> 00:02:18,179 Blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez 62 00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:20,348 doing her Jane Fonda workouts. 63 00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:22,266 Isn't she a little old, Dad? 64 00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:25,253 Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. 65 00:02:25,255 --> 00:02:28,456 In my mind, she'll always be 54. 66 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:34,278 I know he means well, but I can't take it anymore. 67 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,096 He won't leave, and-and he's acting 68 00:02:36,098 --> 00:02:37,932 like this is his house. No, I know. 69 00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:40,451 And these annoying notes he keeps leaving around? 70 00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:43,154 "I need absolute silence when practicing the drums." 71 00:02:43,156 --> 00:02:46,106 "Do not touch the fudge in my nightstand." 72 00:02:46,108 --> 00:02:48,793 "We need ant traps for my nightstand." 73 00:02:48,795 --> 00:02:51,445 I find myself hiding out here 74 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,414 just because it's the only room in the house 75 00:02:53,416 --> 00:02:54,582 where he can't boss us around. 76 00:02:54,584 --> 00:02:55,800 Great news. 77 00:02:55,802 --> 00:02:58,285 I put new batteries in the old intercom system. 78 00:02:58,287 --> 00:03:00,471 Now we can communicate at all times. 79 00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,640 Mickey out. 80 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:06,010 Look at what's become of our booth. 81 00:03:06,012 --> 00:03:08,346 Looks like my old shop teacher's hand-- 82 00:03:08,348 --> 00:03:10,998 just sort of missing something. 83 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,733 Enough! 84 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,152 I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness, 85 00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,771 instead of doing the healthy thing 86 00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:18,573 and pretending anyone who leaves you 87 00:03:18,575 --> 00:03:21,025 never existed in the first place. 88 00:03:21,027 --> 00:03:22,493 I hate to agree with Barney's 89 00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:23,644 near-paralyzing abandonment issues, 90 00:03:23,646 --> 00:03:25,029 but he has a point. 91 00:03:25,031 --> 00:03:26,197 You can't just stop living 92 00:03:26,199 --> 00:03:27,982 because two of your friends moved away. 93 00:03:27,984 --> 00:03:29,367 Precisely. 94 00:03:29,369 --> 00:03:33,204 Now, as new group leader, I say we go out and do something 95 00:03:33,206 --> 00:03:35,623 that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. 96 00:03:35,625 --> 00:03:37,041 Ooh. 97 00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:41,879 Remember that amazing idea I had that one time? 98 00:03:41,881 --> 00:03:44,665 Let's go to a strip club. Nope. 99 00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,634 So what do you say? 100 00:03:46,636 --> 00:03:49,336 Let's declare our independence 101 00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:52,940 with an on-da-peen dance. 102 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,394 On-the-peen dance. 103 00:03:56,396 --> 00:03:57,895 No, we got it. We got it. 104 00:03:57,897 --> 00:03:59,179 Let's go to a strip club! 105 00:03:59,181 --> 00:04:00,231 Well... 106 00:04:00,233 --> 00:04:01,515 I'm going to miss them anywhere. 107 00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:03,651 Might as well see some cans while I'm at it. 108 00:04:03,653 --> 00:04:04,852 I'll take it! 109 00:04:04,854 --> 00:04:06,621 Robin, Kevin, you in? 110 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,490 Kids, early in any relationship, 111 00:04:09,492 --> 00:04:12,193 there's a phase where you don't say no to anything. 112 00:04:12,195 --> 00:04:14,929 Because you want to seem interesting... 113 00:04:14,931 --> 00:04:17,298 adventurous... 114 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,050 and open-minded. 115 00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,168 I call it Early Relationship Chicken. 116 00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,387 Well, I'm open to anything. 117 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,840 Oh, mos' def. 118 00:04:25,842 --> 00:04:27,708 So... So... 119 00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:30,061 I don't want to go to a strip club. 120 00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:31,596 I don't want to go to a strip club. 121 00:04:31,598 --> 00:04:33,814 But I don't want him to think I'm some prude. 122 00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:36,934 Man, we've been saying "so" for a while. 123 00:04:36,936 --> 00:04:38,936 Yeah! Yeah! 124 00:04:40,273 --> 00:04:41,439 Yes! 125 00:04:41,441 --> 00:04:44,158 Tonight is going to be legen-- 126 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,444 Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? 127 00:04:46,446 --> 00:04:50,331 Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now-- dary! 128 00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:53,668 I've got no cell reception. 129 00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:55,286 I wanted to call Ted. 130 00:04:55,288 --> 00:04:56,370 This feels weird. 131 00:04:56,372 --> 00:04:58,072 The last time I lived this far from him 132 00:04:58,074 --> 00:04:59,123 was my semester abroad. 133 00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:01,125 You never did a semester abroad. 134 00:05:01,127 --> 00:05:02,576 That's what I called it when we lived 135 00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:04,445 on opposite sides of campus. 136 00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:06,464 Wrong! 137 00:05:06,466 --> 00:05:08,316 Please tell me you're not plugging that in there. 138 00:05:08,318 --> 00:05:11,302 Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing. 139 00:05:11,304 --> 00:05:12,920 All right, fine. I won't say anything. 140 00:05:12,922 --> 00:05:15,439 It's... just that this was my room 141 00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:16,757 when I growing up, 142 00:05:16,759 --> 00:05:18,976 so I know it a little better than you. 143 00:05:18,978 --> 00:05:21,762 Lot of great memories here. 144 00:05:21,764 --> 00:05:24,482 Mostly just discovering my body. 145 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,701 That's it. 146 00:05:26,703 --> 00:05:28,035 Mickey, since you got here, 147 00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,321 you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy 148 00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:33,074 and strangely obsessed with your adolescent sex life. 149 00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:34,325 Tomorrow morning, 150 00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:36,110 you're out of here. 151 00:05:36,112 --> 00:05:38,278 Well, I-I've just been trying to help you... 152 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,714 We don't need your help! 153 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,285 I... 154 00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:46,971 Oh, it-it's okay, baby. 155 00:05:46,973 --> 00:05:48,806 It had to be done. 156 00:05:55,164 --> 00:05:56,764 Too bad the one person 157 00:05:56,766 --> 00:05:58,632 who could stop you from making mistakes like that 158 00:05:58,634 --> 00:06:00,501 was told he has to move out next month. 159 00:06:00,503 --> 00:06:03,337 Tomorrow! Tomorrow! 160 00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:06,473 Would either of you like a dance? 161 00:06:09,112 --> 00:06:10,611 I'm always ready to rock. 162 00:06:10,613 --> 00:06:13,447 And I'm always ready to roll. 163 00:06:13,449 --> 00:06:15,783 So... So... 164 00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:18,002 I'm not ready to rock. 165 00:06:18,004 --> 00:06:20,171 Rolling makes me dizzy. 166 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,791 Hell, yeah! Yeah! 167 00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:26,844 I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do! 168 00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:28,495 Party like a rock star! 169 00:06:28,497 --> 00:06:30,614 Party like a rock star... 170 00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:32,216 Uh, hey, guys. 171 00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:33,467 It's Ted. 172 00:06:33,469 --> 00:06:35,169 Um... you're probably busy with the move still. 173 00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:36,437 Um... 174 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:39,390 Give me a call if you want to gab. 175 00:06:39,392 --> 00:06:41,726 Sorry about using the word "gab." 176 00:06:41,728 --> 00:06:44,061 Ted, stop pining over Marshall and Lily. 177 00:06:44,063 --> 00:06:45,980 Have some self-respect. 178 00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:48,515 Now, put this fiver in your mouth so... 179 00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:50,517 that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with... 180 00:06:50,519 --> 00:06:51,736 Barney! Wh-what? 181 00:06:51,738 --> 00:06:53,120 I'm allowed to miss them, okay? 182 00:06:53,122 --> 00:06:54,455 They're my two best friends. 183 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,956 I'm your two best friends! 184 00:06:56,858 --> 00:06:58,125 And we're here tonight 185 00:06:58,127 --> 00:07:00,694 to show you there's no need to miss something 186 00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:03,297 when you can replace it with something better. 187 00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:06,133 Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-J-Jasmine! 188 00:07:17,512 --> 00:07:19,346 Remember her? 189 00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:22,349 - So, a while back, we discovered- 190 00:07:22,351 --> 00:07:23,850 Lily had a doppelganger 191 00:07:23,852 --> 00:07:27,387 who was a Russian stripper. 192 00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:28,922 Look at her, Ted. 193 00:07:28,924 --> 00:07:30,607 She's just like old, 194 00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:31,691 less-good Lily, 195 00:07:31,693 --> 00:07:33,026 but instead of bossing us around, 196 00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:34,277 she shows us her boobs. 197 00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,845 No touching. 198 00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,148 Okay, a little bossing us around. 199 00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:40,150 I call her Better Lily. 200 00:07:40,152 --> 00:07:43,537 Hey, Better Lily, please dance for my friend. 201 00:07:43,539 --> 00:07:45,872 Barney, I don't need a lap dance. 202 00:07:45,874 --> 00:07:48,325 I need to talk to my friends. 203 00:07:48,327 --> 00:07:50,693 Who says you can't do both? 204 00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:52,379 Talk to her. She's got ears. 205 00:07:52,381 --> 00:07:54,530 Yes, she does have ears. 206 00:07:54,532 --> 00:07:56,583 You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs? 207 00:07:56,585 --> 00:07:58,051 50 bucks. 208 00:07:58,053 --> 00:08:01,721 Wait-- Better Lily is dating this behemoth? 209 00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:03,840 Sound like anyone you know? 210 00:08:03,842 --> 00:08:05,541 That's New Marshall. 211 00:08:06,477 --> 00:08:08,945 This is our gang now. 212 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,559 Hey, guys, Ted again. 213 00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:25,895 Starting to think you forgot about me. 214 00:08:25,897 --> 00:08:27,998 Or replaced me with some cool neighbor. 215 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,449 What's his name?! 216 00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,234 I'm totally kidding. 217 00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:32,786 Anyway, uh... 218 00:08:32,788 --> 00:08:34,754 just trying to remember what your faces look like. 219 00:08:34,756 --> 00:08:36,673 Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, 220 00:08:36,675 --> 00:08:38,375 you're not allowed to show your vagina. 221 00:08:38,377 --> 00:08:41,595 100 bucks, and you will see the world, my friend. 222 00:08:41,597 --> 00:08:43,880 They're already ignoring my calls? 223 00:08:43,882 --> 00:08:45,432 Look, I'm realistic. 224 00:08:45,434 --> 00:08:48,184 I knew I'd have to get used to going to the dentist alone, 225 00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:50,053 but I didn't think they'd cut me out completely. 226 00:08:50,055 --> 00:08:51,054 If they don't 227 00:08:51,056 --> 00:08:53,139 need us, we don't need them. 228 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:54,941 Yes! Finally! 229 00:08:54,943 --> 00:08:57,811 By the way, did you see how she opened that bottle? 230 00:09:00,197 --> 00:09:01,665 Whoa. 231 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,584 Lights out in the suburbs is... is really dark. 232 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,935 Where's the fuse box? 233 00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,237 I don't know. 234 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,073 I know where it is. 235 00:09:10,075 --> 00:09:13,743 Maybe I could fix it for you, if I wasn't so busy packing. 236 00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:15,111 You know what? 237 00:09:15,113 --> 00:09:17,113 I bet the fuse box is in the basement. 238 00:09:17,115 --> 00:09:18,632 I'll just... I'll go find it myself. 239 00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:19,966 How hard can it be? 240 00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:23,386 As hard as that desk you just walked into? 241 00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:28,591 Good burn, Mickey. 242 00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:31,561 You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one. 243 00:09:31,563 --> 00:09:32,962 Where do I look? 244 00:09:32,964 --> 00:09:34,648 I mean, I can't look at her chest. 245 00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:36,016 Damn it! I just did. 246 00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:37,817 Maybe Robin didn't notice. 247 00:09:37,819 --> 00:09:40,636 Man, he's really up in those jugs. 248 00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:42,989 Shake it, baby! 249 00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:44,807 A playa's gotta play! 250 00:09:44,809 --> 00:09:46,276 This is weird. 251 00:09:46,278 --> 00:09:48,578 I'll just look her in the eyes. 252 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:52,332 Is he falling in love with this stripper? 253 00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:53,649 Quick, do something cool. 254 00:09:54,502 --> 00:09:56,036 Make it rain, son! 255 00:09:56,038 --> 00:09:57,337 Money ain't no thang! 256 00:09:57,339 --> 00:10:01,257 Damn it, there was a 20 in there. 257 00:10:08,132 --> 00:10:09,999 Hello, Mr. Eriksen. 258 00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,601 From the sound of the wind chimes, 259 00:10:11,603 --> 00:10:13,853 I hear you've made it to the first floor. 260 00:10:13,855 --> 00:10:15,939 Okay... you know what, Mickey? 261 00:10:15,941 --> 00:10:19,642 You can save the creepy game master routine. 262 00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:22,562 It's only kind of terrifying me. 263 00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:25,031 Oh, but the game has just begun. 264 00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:27,850 I call it "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff 265 00:10:27,852 --> 00:10:32,355 on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." 266 00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:34,624 That's just a working title. 267 00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:36,126 Hey! 268 00:10:36,128 --> 00:10:39,079 Got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy. 269 00:10:39,081 --> 00:10:41,030 Straight pimpin'. 270 00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:43,133 Barney, you got a little bit, too. 271 00:10:43,135 --> 00:10:45,385 Where? 272 00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:48,054 Did I get it? 273 00:10:48,056 --> 00:10:49,205 Yeah, you got it. 274 00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:50,807 Who needs Marshall and Lily? 275 00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:52,726 We got a new gang, 276 00:10:52,728 --> 00:10:55,311 and we're all going to hang out together forever. 277 00:10:55,313 --> 00:10:56,763 My shift is done. 278 00:10:56,765 --> 00:10:57,931 Good-bye. 279 00:10:57,933 --> 00:10:59,549 Wait, stop! 280 00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:02,051 Technically, this song's not over, so we still own you. 281 00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:04,154 Plus we're best friends! 282 00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:05,939 Where to next? 283 00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:07,440 We go to underground poker game 284 00:11:07,442 --> 00:11:09,776 in mostly-abandoned insane asylum. 285 00:11:09,778 --> 00:11:11,444 Yes! 286 00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:13,530 This is gonna be awesome, 287 00:11:13,532 --> 00:11:15,548 and when it is, I want you all to remember 288 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,867 who led you there: Barney Stinson, 289 00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:19,753 new group leader. 290 00:11:30,097 --> 00:11:31,514 Yay! 291 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,750 I'm winning all your chippies! 292 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,771 Let's not drink when we're... 293 00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:38,772 I'm thirsty; it's good. 294 00:11:38,774 --> 00:11:40,106 It's good. 295 00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:42,976 Marshall, I just remembered 296 00:11:42,978 --> 00:11:46,029 I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can. 297 00:11:46,031 --> 00:11:48,231 Okay, thanks, baby. 298 00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:57,373 Lily, I can't find them. 299 00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,709 Looking for these? 300 00:12:01,663 --> 00:12:03,463 Oh, right, you can't see me. 301 00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:07,383 Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need. 302 00:12:11,055 --> 00:12:13,273 Aah, ooh, ow! 303 00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:15,141 Ow. 304 00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:16,176 Hah! Oh! 305 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,129 Mickey... guess who found the basement stairs? 306 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:22,465 I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, 307 00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:24,800 and when I get there, 308 00:12:24,802 --> 00:12:27,970 I'm sure that I'll figure out how fuse boxes work, 309 00:12:27,972 --> 00:12:29,305 so it'll be fine. 310 00:12:29,307 --> 00:12:30,657 Hey, Marshall, 311 00:12:30,659 --> 00:12:32,909 I know I've been messing with you, 312 00:12:32,911 --> 00:12:35,311 but seriously, that second step, don't... 313 00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:37,413 I don't want to hear it, Mickey. 314 00:12:42,369 --> 00:12:43,419 Oh, my knee! 315 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:45,371 Ow! 316 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:48,591 And watch out for my drum set. 317 00:12:50,511 --> 00:12:52,178 I win again! 318 00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:53,429 I was bluffing. 319 00:12:53,431 --> 00:12:55,315 I didn't even have enough cards. 320 00:12:58,052 --> 00:13:00,002 Ted, please stop winning. 321 00:13:00,004 --> 00:13:02,555 Hey, look, it's the New York City skyline. 322 00:13:02,557 --> 00:13:04,557 ? We built Chip City 323 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:05,692 Uh, uh! 324 00:13:05,694 --> 00:13:09,028 ? We built Chip City on all your dough ? 325 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,397 ? Built Chip City Hit it! 326 00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:19,342 You know Butterfly-knife. 327 00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:22,377 I'd expect this from Face Tattoo... 328 00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:24,196 or Jagged Cheek Scar, 329 00:13:24,198 --> 00:13:26,932 or Larry, 330 00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:27,766 but not you. 331 00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:29,667 Why don't I get nickname? 332 00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,136 Because you have too many things, Larry. 333 00:13:31,138 --> 00:13:32,354 You get one thing! 334 00:13:38,178 --> 00:13:41,346 See, that's why you bring New Marshall. 335 00:13:47,453 --> 00:13:50,355 We go to party in slaughterhouse. 336 00:13:50,357 --> 00:13:51,857 You come? 337 00:13:52,408 --> 00:13:54,292 Please, God, no. 338 00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:59,498 Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore. 339 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,917 I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me 340 00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:04,386 from our sessions three years ago. 341 00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:05,504 Is that the lunatic 342 00:14:05,506 --> 00:14:07,889 that stabbed all those prison guards? 343 00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:10,091 We gotta hit that party! 344 00:14:10,093 --> 00:14:11,426 I'll never find love. 345 00:14:11,428 --> 00:14:13,711 We got to hit that party! 346 00:14:13,713 --> 00:14:15,981 Sweet. 347 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,850 Lily? 348 00:14:18,852 --> 00:14:22,437 I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. 349 00:14:22,439 --> 00:14:24,406 I miss our home. 350 00:14:24,408 --> 00:14:27,359 I miss our booth with our friends. 351 00:14:29,329 --> 00:14:33,081 And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... 352 00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:35,734 somewhere bad. 353 00:14:35,736 --> 00:14:38,069 Dad, why are you acting like this? 354 00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:40,238 Well, I was just trying to be helpful, 355 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,624 but you guys want me out by the Fourth of July. 356 00:14:42,626 --> 00:14:43,675 Tomorrow. 357 00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:46,511 You know what a helpful father, 358 00:14:46,513 --> 00:14:48,964 not to mention grandfather, might do? 359 00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:51,516 Get these lights back on. 360 00:14:56,923 --> 00:14:58,557 Okay, Marshall, listen up. 361 00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:00,642 I'm gonna get you to that fuse box. 362 00:15:00,644 --> 00:15:03,645 Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please? 363 00:15:03,647 --> 00:15:05,697 I don't know anything about this house. 364 00:15:05,699 --> 00:15:06,898 No, Marshall... 365 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:10,151 you don't know anything about your house. 366 00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:16,608 All right, we got a lot of work to do. 367 00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:19,327 Wait here, we get you 368 00:15:19,329 --> 00:15:21,613 on VPI list for party. 369 00:15:21,615 --> 00:15:25,133 You give us, uh, $200 per person. 370 00:15:25,135 --> 00:15:26,334 Cover charge. 371 00:15:26,336 --> 00:15:28,753 That's pretty steep for a cover charge. 372 00:15:28,755 --> 00:15:30,922 Is very good party. 373 00:15:30,924 --> 00:15:35,827 Is party for, uh, New York "Yunkees" and Coca-Cola. 374 00:15:35,829 --> 00:15:37,178 Oh, my God. 375 00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:39,180 A Coca-Cola Yankees party? 376 00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,399 That sounds like a real thing. 377 00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:46,671 Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, 378 00:15:46,673 --> 00:15:49,774 while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. 379 00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,010 Now look to your left 380 00:15:52,012 --> 00:15:54,029 and spit. 381 00:15:55,532 --> 00:15:56,665 That's the water heater. 382 00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,116 Want to stay away from that. 383 00:15:58,118 --> 00:16:02,370 That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. 384 00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:06,508 Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. 385 00:16:06,510 --> 00:16:09,844 You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table 386 00:16:09,846 --> 00:16:11,763 and don't so much as nudge it. 387 00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:12,847 Why not? 388 00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:15,684 Because there are 900 dominos set up 389 00:16:15,686 --> 00:16:17,519 in the shape of Barbara Eden. 390 00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:20,138 Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan. 391 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,143 I'm clear. 392 00:16:30,617 --> 00:16:33,234 I don't know what that sound is, Mickey. 393 00:16:33,236 --> 00:16:35,353 That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. 394 00:16:35,355 --> 00:16:36,404 That's what that is. 395 00:16:36,406 --> 00:16:38,323 Dad, get it back. 396 00:16:38,325 --> 00:16:41,459 Come on. 397 00:16:41,461 --> 00:16:44,045 Okay, Marshall, 398 00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:45,747 take three steps forward, 399 00:16:45,749 --> 00:16:48,166 and you should be at the fuse box. 400 00:16:48,168 --> 00:16:50,335 Do you think he made it? 401 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,557 I did it! 402 00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,008 No, Marshall... 403 00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:59,227 you did it. 404 00:17:01,681 --> 00:17:03,682 that night inspired 405 00:17:03,684 --> 00:17:05,850 Mickey's one and only successful board game-- 406 00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:09,688 ? With splintery floorboards and rusty nails ? 407 00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:14,192 ? Make sure you don't get impaled ? 408 00:17:14,194 --> 00:17:15,460 ? Lites Out! 409 00:17:15,462 --> 00:17:18,363 Brought to you by Aldrin Games! 410 00:17:18,365 --> 00:17:20,699 Well, judging from how many clients 411 00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,567 that hooker has serviced, 412 00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:24,169 I'd say we've been here almost an hour. 413 00:17:24,171 --> 00:17:26,287 Ted, we've been robbed. 414 00:17:26,289 --> 00:17:29,407 Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us. 415 00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:31,326 They're our best friends. 416 00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:38,416 Damn it, Ted. 417 00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,885 New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear 418 00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:44,189 and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily 419 00:17:44,191 --> 00:17:45,890 is over-the-pants hand stuff. 420 00:17:45,892 --> 00:17:48,259 I'm assuming. 421 00:17:48,261 --> 00:17:49,444 I'll admit it. 422 00:17:49,446 --> 00:17:50,945 I can't lead this group. 423 00:17:50,947 --> 00:17:52,731 We need Marshall and Lily. 424 00:17:52,733 --> 00:17:54,599 But they're gone, aren't they? 425 00:17:54,601 --> 00:17:57,068 I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week, 426 00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,870 to a couple times a month, 427 00:17:58,872 --> 00:18:01,206 and then it'll just be holiday parties. 428 00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:04,075 Then the years pass, 429 00:18:04,077 --> 00:18:05,744 and you find out Marshall's dead, 430 00:18:05,746 --> 00:18:08,296 and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, 431 00:18:08,298 --> 00:18:11,616 but then it becomes sexual, and you feel guilty, 432 00:18:11,618 --> 00:18:14,586 but maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better... 433 00:18:14,588 --> 00:18:15,953 No, I won't let that happen. 434 00:18:15,955 --> 00:18:17,505 Especially that last part. 435 00:18:18,674 --> 00:18:21,125 Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, 436 00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:22,177 but here's what's gonna happen. 437 00:18:22,179 --> 00:18:23,511 First, we're gonna leave a note 438 00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:25,563 for Better Lily and Arvydas, they're worriers. 439 00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:27,015 Oh, buddy. Then, 440 00:18:27,017 --> 00:18:29,768 we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily 441 00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:31,135 because they're our best friends 442 00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:32,470 and they're only 46 minutes away. 443 00:18:32,472 --> 00:18:33,738 Are you with me? 444 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:36,024 Kind of resent the power grab, but okay, let's go! 445 00:18:36,026 --> 00:18:37,141 Hey, 446 00:18:37,143 --> 00:18:38,993 do you want to come to Long Island with us? 447 00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:42,447 Uh, well, still a few more hours before the sun comes up. 448 00:18:42,449 --> 00:18:44,165 So... 449 00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,750 No. No? 450 00:18:45,752 --> 00:18:46,651 Is that bad? 451 00:18:46,653 --> 00:18:49,370 No, it's great. 452 00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:50,839 Ooh, that felt so good. 453 00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:53,157 I hate doing things and going anywhere! 454 00:18:53,159 --> 00:18:54,425 Oh, new experiences suck! 455 00:18:55,629 --> 00:18:57,846 While we're at it, I hate high-fiving you! 456 00:18:57,848 --> 00:18:59,013 I know. 457 00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,381 We're adults who are sleeping together, 458 00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:02,217 not teens pledging a frat. 459 00:19:06,972 --> 00:19:10,391 Oh, man, I really liked the high-five. 460 00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:14,679 The next morning, Marshall and Lily woke up to a surprise. 461 00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:23,771 Hey, what are... what are you guys doing here? 462 00:19:23,773 --> 00:19:28,159 Just wanted to make sure this key worked. 463 00:19:28,161 --> 00:19:30,528 We missed you. 464 00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:32,630 Give mama a hug. 465 00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:35,700 Oh... 466 00:19:35,702 --> 00:19:37,468 Don't check your voicemail. 467 00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:39,254 Y-You might have a couple weird ones. 468 00:19:39,256 --> 00:19:40,889 You hear this?! 469 00:19:40,891 --> 00:19:42,991 This is the sound of me moving on. 470 00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:52,100 Yeah, I'm a stripper. 471 00:19:52,102 --> 00:19:55,136 Okay, who wants pancakes? 472 00:19:56,439 --> 00:19:59,440 Which two of you want pancakes? 473 00:19:59,442 --> 00:20:00,575 I'll make more. 474 00:20:00,577 --> 00:20:01,609 Oh, good-good-good, 'cause I want pancakes. 475 00:20:01,611 --> 00:20:02,694 There you go. 476 00:20:02,696 --> 00:20:03,945 Thank you, okay. 477 00:20:03,947 --> 00:20:05,380 Enjoy them. 478 00:20:05,382 --> 00:20:07,148 Hey, honey, look, 479 00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:08,616 I'm sorry I was a jerk before. 480 00:20:08,618 --> 00:20:11,002 Okay? I'll leave right after breakfast. 481 00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:12,670 I'll crash with some friends. 482 00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,122 Dad, you know what? 483 00:20:14,124 --> 00:20:15,406 You can stay. 484 00:20:15,408 --> 00:20:16,257 Oh, thank God. 485 00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:18,242 I got no friends. 486 00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,094 I'll be here two weeks, tops. 487 00:20:20,096 --> 00:20:23,131 It wasn't two weeks. 488 00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:24,916 Would the five of us always live 489 00:20:24,918 --> 00:20:26,851 within a few minutes of that booth? 490 00:20:26,853 --> 00:20:30,844 No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered. 491 00:20:31,922 --> 00:20:34,339 Our booth was wherever the five of us were together. 492 00:20:34,873 --> 00:20:38,873 == sync, corrected by elderman == 493 00:20:41,176 --> 00:20:42,860 That's right, Widow Rodriguez. 494 00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:44,195 Stretch it. 495 00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:45,846 Work those gams. 496 00:20:45,848 --> 00:20:47,715 Ooh, yeah. 497 00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:49,400 Grab that left arm. 498 00:20:49,402 --> 00:20:51,702 Clutch that chest. 499 00:20:51,704 --> 00:20:54,248 Fall down really fast. 500 00:20:54,513 --> 00:20:57,002 Oh, my God! Somebody call 911!