1 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:05,797 Sorry this is taking so long. 2 00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:08,166 He kicked for everybody else. 3 00:00:08,168 --> 00:00:10,468 It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure. 4 00:00:10,470 --> 00:00:12,654 Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night. 5 00:00:13,907 --> 00:00:15,640 Whoa! It was small, but I think I felt something. 6 00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:18,142 Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night. 7 00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,111 Stop laughing at it, Lily. 8 00:00:20,113 --> 00:00:22,146 Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night! 9 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,331 Can we please talk about something 10 00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:24,449 other than my wedding night? 11 00:00:24,451 --> 00:00:26,951 Absolutely. Let's talk about last night. 12 00:00:26,953 --> 00:00:29,320 It was a night like any other. 13 00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:31,322 I was just about to get laid... 14 00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:33,541 Hey, Barney, I need your help. 15 00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,176 This hottie I'm talking to is meeting her friend 16 00:00:35,178 --> 00:00:36,628 at a club, so I need a wingman. 17 00:00:36,630 --> 00:00:39,013 Well, just so you know, I'd be giving up a sure thing here. 18 00:00:39,015 --> 00:00:40,098 Hey! 19 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,933 Are you not a sure thing? 20 00:00:41,935 --> 00:00:44,269 Yeah, I am. 21 00:00:45,638 --> 00:00:47,689 This "friend" of yours better be even hotter 22 00:00:47,691 --> 00:00:49,190 and dumber than this one. 23 00:00:49,192 --> 00:00:52,677 Wow! You have Enormous Penis Syndrome? 24 00:00:52,679 --> 00:00:54,729 I've never heard of that. Yeah. 25 00:00:54,731 --> 00:00:57,115 That's the problem with E.P.S.: lack of awareness. 26 00:00:57,117 --> 00:00:59,150 That's why I'm organizing a 10K fun-run. 27 00:00:59,152 --> 00:01:02,720 Of course, many of us will need wheelbarrows. 28 00:01:02,722 --> 00:01:05,022 You are so brave. 29 00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,024 And you are so understanding. 30 00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,993 Most people just stare at me 31 00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:11,963 like I'm some kind of freak in reinforced underwear. 32 00:01:11,965 --> 00:01:13,798 Poor, baby. 33 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,667 I can't imagine what you're going through 34 00:01:15,669 --> 00:01:17,201 because I never wear underwear. 35 00:01:17,203 --> 00:01:18,553 Jackpot! 36 00:01:18,555 --> 00:01:20,037 You want to get out of here? 37 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:22,640 Oh, I don't know. This is all moving kind of fast. Okay. 38 00:01:22,642 --> 00:01:24,142 Oh, but before we go, 39 00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:26,094 I should mention my condition. 40 00:01:26,096 --> 00:01:29,597 It's called: I'm Not a Gullible Dumbass Disorder. 41 00:01:29,599 --> 00:01:31,933 As the former Surgeon General, I've got to say, 42 00:01:31,935 --> 00:01:33,851 I don't think that's the real thing. 43 00:01:33,853 --> 00:01:35,103 Okay, just stop. 44 00:01:35,105 --> 00:01:36,554 You have no chance with me. 45 00:01:36,556 --> 00:01:38,523 We're just here as backups for our friends. 46 00:01:38,525 --> 00:01:39,657 Hey, how did you two meet, anyway? 47 00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:41,576 No, we're not doing that first date dance 48 00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:43,278 where you pretend everything I say is fascinating, 49 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,947 thinking it'll somehow get you into my pants. 50 00:01:45,949 --> 00:01:47,865 What? Guys don't do that! 51 00:01:47,867 --> 00:01:49,918 Goat cheese? Fascinating! 52 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,203 What else are you allergic to, huh? 53 00:01:53,522 --> 00:01:56,407 You owe me three hours for last night, Mosby. 54 00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:58,042 I'm thinking, 55 00:01:58,044 --> 00:02:01,379 laser tag tournament in Newark this weekend. 56 00:02:01,381 --> 00:02:03,414 Ted can pass for under 18, right? 57 00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:04,716 It's a father-son thing. 58 00:02:04,718 --> 00:02:06,601 Marshall, we should get going. Any later, 59 00:02:06,603 --> 00:02:08,653 and we'll be riding the Drunk Train. Oh. 60 00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:09,470 The Drunk Train? 61 00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:11,022 It's the last train of the night 62 00:02:11,024 --> 00:02:12,507 back to Long Island. It's a mess. 63 00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:13,858 Just a bunch of drunk, 64 00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:17,295 sloppy idiots, fresh off a night of partying in the city, 65 00:02:17,297 --> 00:02:20,231 just desperate to hook up with anything that moves. 66 00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:21,149 Yeah. Bye. 67 00:02:21,151 --> 00:02:22,533 See you. 68 00:02:22,535 --> 00:02:24,786 New plan, Ted. 69 00:02:24,788 --> 00:02:26,821 So this father-son thing. 70 00:02:26,823 --> 00:02:29,540 You know, a backwards baseball cap really youngs me down. 71 00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:30,625 All aboard! 72 00:02:32,863 --> 00:02:36,363 ? How I Met Your Mother 7x16 ? The Drunk Train Original Air Date on February 13, 2012 73 00:02:36,388 --> 00:02:39,888 == sync, corrected by elderman == 74 00:02:45,586 --> 00:02:47,938 - For Valentine's weekend, - Lily and Marshall invited 75 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:50,274 Kevin and Robin on a couple's getaway to Vermont. 76 00:02:50,276 --> 00:02:52,359 Mmm. 77 00:02:52,361 --> 00:02:54,778 16 years together, and still so in love. 78 00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:56,262 - Mm. - What's your secret? 79 00:02:56,264 --> 00:02:58,765 The key to relationships is understanding the difference 80 00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,617 between hearing and listening. 81 00:03:00,619 --> 00:03:02,035 It's about respecting your partner's... 82 00:03:02,037 --> 00:03:03,203 Opinions on... 83 00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:05,789 Hey, shh, shh, shh. Kind of on a roll here. 84 00:03:05,791 --> 00:03:08,608 Relationships are a give and take, 85 00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:12,663 and that's why it's important to never keep score. 86 00:03:12,665 --> 00:03:13,647 Yeah, like how 87 00:03:13,649 --> 00:03:14,881 Barney's holding these three hours 88 00:03:14,883 --> 00:03:15,999 over Ted's head. 89 00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:18,218 If they were a couple, they'd never work. 90 00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:21,621 Obviously. Ted's a Taurus, and Barney is such a Scorpio. 91 00:03:21,623 --> 00:03:22,956 Good advice. Don't keep score. 92 00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:24,725 They're not even close to finished. 93 00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:26,014 How do we not keep score, you ask? 94 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:26,728 Huh. Hm. 95 00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:29,558 Sounds like somebody want to hear some examples, sweetie. 96 00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:30,264 Mm-hmm. 97 00:03:30,265 --> 00:03:32,766 I'm just gonna close my eyes until it's all over. 98 00:03:32,768 --> 00:03:34,968 Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night. 99 00:03:34,970 --> 00:03:36,853 Solid. 100 00:03:36,855 --> 00:03:38,071 Here's one. 101 00:03:38,073 --> 00:03:40,357 Every time Marshall's mom comes to visit us, 102 00:03:40,359 --> 00:03:43,694 we have to put out all the tacky Minnesota gifts 103 00:03:43,696 --> 00:03:46,146 she's bought us over the years. 104 00:03:46,148 --> 00:03:48,148 Hi, Mom! Hi, Mrs. Eriksen! 105 00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:50,417 Marshall. 106 00:03:51,652 --> 00:03:54,454 Uh-huh. I don't see 107 00:03:54,456 --> 00:03:57,758 the gopher-hair tea cozy I made you. 108 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,344 Guess it wasn't good enough for Lily. 109 00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:02,546 But I'd never hold that over Marshall, 110 00:04:02,548 --> 00:04:05,165 because if I did, he'd owe me big-time. 111 00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:07,718 Just like I would never hold it over you 112 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,438 for dragging me to that experimental theater piece. 113 00:04:19,697 --> 00:04:21,982 Is it... is it just screaming? 114 00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:26,236 But we don't keep score. 115 00:04:26,238 --> 00:04:28,354 Gotcha, loud and clear. Don't keep score. 116 00:04:28,356 --> 00:04:30,407 Because if we did, then Marshall would owe me 117 00:04:30,409 --> 00:04:32,042 for killing my cousin's dog. 118 00:04:32,044 --> 00:04:34,194 How did I know that he would eat my wallet? 119 00:04:34,196 --> 00:04:36,413 Why was your wallet filled with chocolate?! 120 00:04:36,415 --> 00:04:38,882 So we're back to this argument! 121 00:04:38,884 --> 00:04:41,034 That night, Barney and I found ourselves 122 00:04:41,036 --> 00:04:43,536 in a strange, new universe called... 123 00:04:43,538 --> 00:04:44,871 The Drunk Train. 124 00:04:44,873 --> 00:04:46,807 Hey! 125 00:04:49,977 --> 00:04:53,814 Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life? 126 00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:56,349 Can you hear its inspiring chant, Ted? 127 00:04:56,351 --> 00:04:59,986 I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid. 128 00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:02,105 It's-it's The Little Engine with Wood, 129 00:05:02,107 --> 00:05:04,024 The Whore-ient Express. 130 00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,391 The Long Island Tail Road! 131 00:05:05,393 --> 00:05:07,411 Oh, I got one. 132 00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:08,912 Thomas the Spank Engine! 133 00:05:08,914 --> 00:05:11,331 Ted, that is a children's book. 134 00:05:15,069 --> 00:05:17,287 Okay, as fun as this place is, it's late. 135 00:05:17,289 --> 00:05:18,338 So, what's our play? 136 00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,756 And don't say, "The Siamese Twins"" 137 00:05:19,758 --> 00:05:21,908 We're not stretching out another one of my jackets. 138 00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:23,927 No, dude, this is the Drunk Train. 139 00:05:23,929 --> 00:05:25,128 We don't need a play! 140 00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:27,798 All we have to do is sit back, play it cool, 141 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,467 scope out the hotties, and by the end of the line, 142 00:05:30,469 --> 00:05:33,586 we will totally be sleeping with someone. 143 00:05:39,444 --> 00:05:42,062 You know, you are so great. 144 00:05:42,064 --> 00:05:44,614 You sat there listening to Marshall and Lily 145 00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:47,100 bicker all night, and you didn't complain once. 146 00:05:47,102 --> 00:05:49,369 Well, I am a therapist, so I do plan on billing them. 147 00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:52,605 I also have a couple powerful medications that might help. 148 00:05:52,607 --> 00:05:53,907 Lily can't take anything; she's pregnant. 149 00:05:53,909 --> 00:05:55,375 I meant for us. 150 00:05:55,377 --> 00:05:56,960 If we're getting through five more meals 151 00:05:56,962 --> 00:05:58,628 and a sleigh ride with those guys, 152 00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,130 we need to be spaced out of our gourds. 153 00:06:00,132 --> 00:06:02,132 Well, if we are keeping score, 154 00:06:02,134 --> 00:06:04,617 I owe you one weekend, mister. 155 00:06:04,619 --> 00:06:06,452 I was thinking a little longer than that. 156 00:06:06,454 --> 00:06:08,638 What do you mean? 157 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:14,227 Robin, will you marry me? 158 00:06:20,723 --> 00:06:22,107 Look, I know this is fast. 159 00:06:22,109 --> 00:06:24,309 I'm just excited to start a life with you. 160 00:06:24,311 --> 00:06:25,727 If that's what you want. 161 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,281 Wow. 162 00:06:29,283 --> 00:06:31,032 Um... 163 00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:33,702 I'm-I'm not saying no. 164 00:06:33,704 --> 00:06:36,020 I'm-I'm not saying anything. 165 00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:39,408 I just, um... I-I need some time to think. 166 00:06:39,410 --> 00:06:40,742 I totally understand. 167 00:06:40,744 --> 00:06:42,794 Um, take as much time as you need. 168 00:06:42,796 --> 00:06:46,715 I'll just, uh... I'll just keep this here until you're ready. 169 00:06:54,474 --> 00:06:56,758 Any chance we could put that bad boy away for now? 170 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,594 It's really just staring at us, isn't it? 171 00:06:59,596 --> 00:07:02,264 Ted! Ted! Ted! 172 00:07:02,266 --> 00:07:04,599 I thought of some new great names for the Drunk Train. 173 00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:05,817 Slamtrak! 174 00:07:05,819 --> 00:07:06,768 Uh-huh. 175 00:07:06,770 --> 00:07:09,438 The Chatta-Nookie Choo-Choo! 176 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,056 Thomas the Spank Engine! I said that one yesterday. 177 00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:14,075 I don't think you did. 178 00:07:14,077 --> 00:07:16,077 Wow. Someone's had some coffee. 179 00:07:16,079 --> 00:07:17,562 Yeah. 18 cups! 180 00:07:17,564 --> 00:07:20,248 There is no way I'm falling asleep tonight! 181 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,784 That Quinn girl is so wrong. 182 00:07:22,786 --> 00:07:24,786 She said I could never love anything, 183 00:07:24,788 --> 00:07:26,922 but I love this train! 184 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,574 She said you could never love anything? That's intense. 185 00:07:29,576 --> 00:07:31,960 Oh, you have no idea. 186 00:07:34,247 --> 00:07:35,964 Stop staring. Not gonna happen. 187 00:07:35,966 --> 00:07:39,083 Is there any way we can start over and get to know each other? 188 00:07:39,085 --> 00:07:42,053 I already know you. Oh, really? 189 00:07:42,055 --> 00:07:44,856 - You wear a suit all the time. - Obviously. 190 00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:46,224 You have a stupid rule about everything. 191 00:07:46,226 --> 00:07:48,059 I pay for the meal, you handle my deal. 192 00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:49,277 That's just good manners. 193 00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:51,696 But you end most nights alone at a strip club, 194 00:07:51,698 --> 00:07:53,281 feeling empty inside, telling yourself 195 00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:57,869 your life is somehow epic or classic or... legendary. 196 00:07:57,871 --> 00:08:01,456 I never say epic or classic. 197 00:08:01,458 --> 00:08:03,875 Do you practice the dark arts? 198 00:08:05,127 --> 00:08:06,895 No, they did not forget the potato salad 199 00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:08,964 in your takeout order! 200 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,999 Wh-What happened next?! 201 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:12,617 For the last time, I'm sorry. 202 00:08:12,619 --> 00:08:13,952 It's okay. 203 00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,253 Your debt is paid. 204 00:08:15,255 --> 00:08:17,839 You don't have to come on the Drunk Train anymore. 205 00:08:17,841 --> 00:08:19,508 You're never gonna meet the one there, anyway. 206 00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,760 - Oh, screw the one! - What? 207 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:24,346 Every date I've been on lately has been brutal. 208 00:08:24,348 --> 00:08:26,264 Last week, I went out with a girl 209 00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:28,266 whose favorite band was Glee. 210 00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:29,634 Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day, 211 00:08:29,636 --> 00:08:32,470 and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend. 212 00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:35,190 So... all aboard! 213 00:08:35,192 --> 00:08:39,444 I have never been more proud of you. 214 00:08:39,446 --> 00:08:41,413 Come on. 215 00:08:41,415 --> 00:08:43,648 Ted, tonight is gonna be epic-- 216 00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:46,585 wait for it-- dary! Wait. 217 00:08:46,587 --> 00:08:47,702 No, that's not it. 218 00:08:47,704 --> 00:08:50,005 How do I usually say it? I hate this Quinn girl! 219 00:08:51,891 --> 00:08:54,259 Well, 220 00:08:54,261 --> 00:08:55,961 I propose we order a bottle of wine. 221 00:08:55,963 --> 00:08:57,846 - Propose! - Not propose. Suggest. 222 00:08:57,848 --> 00:09:00,048 I'm not married to the idea. Lily, take it. 223 00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:02,217 Why don't we get an appetizer? 224 00:09:02,219 --> 00:09:04,719 How about the... onion rings? 225 00:09:04,721 --> 00:09:05,687 I mean, diamond rings. 226 00:09:05,689 --> 00:09:07,939 I mean, diamond circles. 227 00:09:07,941 --> 00:09:09,608 I mean, onion circles. 228 00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:10,775 I know they're fattening, 229 00:09:10,777 --> 00:09:13,194 but I hear this place has great onion circles. 230 00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:16,681 So, Robin, about not telling them? 231 00:09:18,401 --> 00:09:21,336 The green salad looks interesting. 232 00:09:22,905 --> 00:09:24,706 You're so much better without him. 233 00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:27,409 If you ask me, Vinnie's a real jerk. 234 00:09:27,411 --> 00:09:29,160 Hey, don't you dare badmouth Vinnie! 235 00:09:29,162 --> 00:09:30,495 Ow! 236 00:09:30,497 --> 00:09:31,713 So what do you do? 237 00:09:31,715 --> 00:09:33,965 Well, I teach architecture, and I also... 238 00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:35,216 Oh, big man with a job. 239 00:09:35,218 --> 00:09:36,585 You think yore better than me? 240 00:09:36,587 --> 00:09:37,752 What... 241 00:09:40,506 --> 00:09:42,507 So... where do you live? 242 00:09:42,509 --> 00:09:43,892 I'm on the Upper West Side. 243 00:09:43,894 --> 00:09:46,428 Oh, big man. Living in Manhattan. 244 00:09:46,430 --> 00:09:48,513 What, you think you're better than me? 245 00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:50,398 Ehhh! 246 00:09:54,236 --> 00:09:56,605 Ehhhh! 247 00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:58,389 You think you're better than me?! 248 00:09:59,909 --> 00:10:01,493 Well, it's a close one. 249 00:10:01,495 --> 00:10:04,195 Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage, 250 00:10:04,197 --> 00:10:05,447 and Marshall made an even 60. 251 00:10:05,449 --> 00:10:07,866 I'm so sorry, Kevin. 252 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,534 It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but 253 00:10:09,536 --> 00:10:11,670 you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk? 254 00:10:11,672 --> 00:10:12,737 I do. I do. 255 00:10:12,739 --> 00:10:15,073 That's a half a point each. 256 00:10:15,075 --> 00:10:16,374 See you in a minute. 257 00:10:16,376 --> 00:10:18,126 Okay. 258 00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:19,410 So? 259 00:10:19,412 --> 00:10:21,930 Are you any closer to deciding? Ooh... 260 00:10:21,932 --> 00:10:26,551 Uh... well, there is something you don't know. 261 00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:28,086 Um... 262 00:10:28,088 --> 00:10:29,304 Can you guys keep a secret? 263 00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:31,556 Yeah. Well, some of us can. 264 00:10:32,558 --> 00:10:33,775 Well, there's something 265 00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:36,061 I have been keeping from everyone 266 00:10:36,063 --> 00:10:37,779 for the last couple of months. 267 00:10:38,814 --> 00:10:39,948 Um... 268 00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,984 I found out that I can't have children. 269 00:10:46,906 --> 00:10:48,456 - I'm so sorry. - Yeah. 270 00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:49,492 Are you okay? 271 00:10:49,517 --> 00:10:50,917 I can't believe that we didn't know. 272 00:10:50,961 --> 00:10:52,544 No, you know, I've had some... 273 00:10:52,546 --> 00:10:55,914 time to deal with this by myself, and... 274 00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,082 I'm okay. 275 00:10:57,084 --> 00:10:58,216 For real. 276 00:10:58,218 --> 00:10:59,501 Are you sure? 277 00:10:59,503 --> 00:11:01,636 Yeah. So... 278 00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:03,722 even though I love Kevin 279 00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:06,558 and I... think I want to say yes, 280 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,593 I can't until I tell him. 281 00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:09,561 But I'm scared 282 00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:10,795 it'll end our relationship. 283 00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,097 You know what, Robin? 284 00:11:12,099 --> 00:11:15,066 If it's meant to be, then it won't matter. 285 00:11:15,068 --> 00:11:17,802 Yeah, you just have to tell him. 286 00:11:19,438 --> 00:11:22,607 Thank God we had the keys to Marshall and Lily's place. 287 00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:25,309 Pretty sure I told you that before you kicked in that side window. 288 00:11:25,311 --> 00:11:30,081 You mean, before the "burglars" kicked in that side window 289 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:33,034 and stole all of Lily's underwear. 290 00:11:34,004 --> 00:11:36,504 What the hell happened on that train? 291 00:11:36,506 --> 00:11:38,506 It was absolute chaos. 292 00:11:38,508 --> 00:11:42,093 Ted, when I was at M.I.T., my favorite Einstein quote was: 293 00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:44,679 "God doesn't play dice with the universe." 294 00:11:44,681 --> 00:11:46,081 You didn't go to M.I.T. 295 00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:48,499 I didn't? 296 00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:52,470 Huh. I actually have no idea where you went to college. 297 00:11:53,305 --> 00:11:55,273 Who are you? 298 00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:59,561 If we analyze the seemingly random patterns of the train, 299 00:11:59,563 --> 00:12:02,013 taking into account standard deviation, 300 00:12:02,015 --> 00:12:04,866 and assuming that epsilon approaches zero 301 00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,868 as angle delta approaches pi, 302 00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:08,903 we can conclude... 303 00:12:10,690 --> 00:12:12,490 Damn it, Ted! 304 00:12:12,492 --> 00:12:15,543 I was about to drop some sweet word play about logarithms 305 00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:18,213 and getting into a rhythm with my log. 306 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,799 I'll remember it. 307 00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:23,718 The next morning, Robin mustered up all her courage 308 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,837 and finally told Kevin her secret. 309 00:12:25,839 --> 00:12:28,923 I know that this is a lot to process, so... 310 00:12:28,925 --> 00:12:30,975 you take all the time you need. 311 00:12:30,977 --> 00:12:34,229 And I understand... Robin... 312 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,631 will you marry me? 313 00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:38,716 Yes. 314 00:12:45,775 --> 00:12:46,617 What are you doing? 315 00:12:46,718 --> 00:12:48,835 The top speed of the Drunk Train is 73 miles per hour, 316 00:12:48,837 --> 00:12:52,005 and you factor in an aggregate of 32 boobs per car, 317 00:12:52,007 --> 00:12:54,141 28 of which are motorboatable, 318 00:12:54,143 --> 00:12:56,476 and you divide that... No, no, no! 319 00:12:56,478 --> 00:12:58,678 This is all wrong! 320 00:12:59,347 --> 00:13:01,714 It should be so simple! 321 00:13:01,716 --> 00:13:04,651 I mean, it's the Drunk Train! 322 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:08,271 My God... it's been 323 00:13:08,273 --> 00:13:10,874 right in front of us the whole time. 324 00:13:27,592 --> 00:13:28,875 "Get drunk"" 325 00:13:28,877 --> 00:13:29,876 Yeah. 326 00:13:29,878 --> 00:13:31,244 Of course. 327 00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:33,713 Good circling, Ted. 328 00:13:33,715 --> 00:13:36,216 This ain't my first word search. 329 00:13:38,853 --> 00:13:41,188 So my Mom's already picked a date, venue 330 00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,689 and caterer for the wedding. 331 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,524 But nothing's set in stone. 332 00:13:44,526 --> 00:13:45,859 My great-aunt's gonna sing. 333 00:13:45,861 --> 00:13:47,477 That's happening. 334 00:13:47,479 --> 00:13:49,062 Are you really okay with this? 335 00:13:49,064 --> 00:13:50,730 Yeah, she's actually got a decent voice. 336 00:13:50,732 --> 00:13:53,567 No, are you... are you okay 337 00:13:53,569 --> 00:13:55,702 with everything that we talked about? 338 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,904 Of course, Robin, I love you. 339 00:13:57,906 --> 00:14:00,790 Besides, there are other ways to have kids. 340 00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:02,075 There's adoption, surrogacy... 341 00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:05,745 No, Kevin, it's not just that I can't have kids, 342 00:14:05,747 --> 00:14:07,814 I don't want kids. 343 00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:10,467 Oh. 344 00:14:10,469 --> 00:14:12,002 Okay. 345 00:14:12,004 --> 00:14:16,256 Knowing that, do you want to take your proposal back? 346 00:14:16,258 --> 00:14:18,441 Will you marry me? 347 00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,628 Oh, you take such good care of me. 348 00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:23,964 Thanks for loaning me your shoes 349 00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:25,849 for my swollen feet. Ah! 350 00:14:25,851 --> 00:14:27,150 I owe you one. 351 00:14:27,152 --> 00:14:28,652 We have to stop this. 352 00:14:28,654 --> 00:14:29,769 Stop what? 353 00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:31,938 Keeping score. 354 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:36,243 You're growing a baby, our baby. 355 00:14:36,245 --> 00:14:39,996 So you're officially ahead of me for life. 356 00:14:39,998 --> 00:14:42,532 Oh, thanks, sweetie. 357 00:14:42,534 --> 00:14:46,036 Once we're parents, we have to be a team. Deal? 358 00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:47,854 It's your turn! 359 00:14:47,856 --> 00:14:50,757 I was on point for six straight hours yesterday! 360 00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:53,960 Two of those hours were a nap and you know it! 361 00:14:53,962 --> 00:14:55,762 Let's go to the board! 362 00:14:58,799 --> 00:15:02,035 I hope it's a soupy deuce, sucka. 363 00:15:04,356 --> 00:15:06,640 Deal. We're a team. 364 00:15:10,144 --> 00:15:13,730 I was all, "Do I look like I'm from Ronkonkoma?!" 365 00:15:13,732 --> 00:15:15,682 Oh...! 366 00:15:15,684 --> 00:15:17,150 That's all you gotta say! 367 00:15:17,152 --> 00:15:18,902 Oh, oh, oh, big man with a briefcase! 368 00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:20,737 What do you think, you're better than me?! 369 00:15:23,208 --> 00:15:24,691 Hey, our stop's next. 370 00:15:24,693 --> 00:15:26,042 Do you want to join us? 371 00:15:26,044 --> 00:15:28,628 Yeah, I think we do. Nah, we're good. 372 00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:30,196 Too skanky. 373 00:15:30,198 --> 00:15:32,082 Too skanky? Eh... 374 00:15:32,084 --> 00:15:33,383 It's the Drunk Train. 375 00:15:33,385 --> 00:15:35,385 You crossed out all the stops 376 00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:36,703 and wrote "Vaginaville." 377 00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:38,972 That's not true. 378 00:15:38,974 --> 00:15:41,508 That one says "Boner Gardens." 379 00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:44,043 What's going on? 380 00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:48,281 Wait. Did that Quinn girl shake your game or something? 381 00:15:48,283 --> 00:15:50,150 Hell no! 382 00:15:50,152 --> 00:15:51,985 At the end of the night... 383 00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:53,269 You know, I went out tonight 384 00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:56,323 looking for a cheap, meaningless fling. 385 00:15:56,325 --> 00:15:59,192 But you turned out to be so special. 386 00:15:59,194 --> 00:16:01,861 I'd hate to ruin this friendship with sex. 387 00:16:01,863 --> 00:16:05,265 Oh, oh, I am willing to take that risk. 388 00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:06,750 Good one, Ted. 389 00:16:06,752 --> 00:16:10,086 Anyway, I'm seriously contemplating purchasing 390 00:16:10,088 --> 00:16:11,204 a new ironing board. 391 00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:13,039 Do you think...? 392 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:18,962 Okay, I'll give you this: You stood by your boy all night, 393 00:16:18,964 --> 00:16:21,881 even though you have no chance of getting with me. 394 00:16:21,883 --> 00:16:23,466 That was pretty cool. 395 00:16:23,468 --> 00:16:26,436 Yeah, you know, in retrospect, I think that was the moment 396 00:16:26,438 --> 00:16:29,389 you decided to come back to my place and get nasty. 397 00:16:29,391 --> 00:16:31,424 Yeah, right. 398 00:16:31,426 --> 00:16:33,059 Get up. You're on my bra. 399 00:16:33,061 --> 00:16:34,144 Sorry. 400 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,514 Where's your bathroom? 401 00:16:37,516 --> 00:16:39,366 Past the kitchen, down the hall. 402 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,104 See, I feel like I would remember 403 00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:47,957 you two being naked on your couch in the middle of the club. 404 00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:51,944 Oh, right. That was later in my apartment after we got nasty. 405 00:16:51,946 --> 00:16:52,962 My bad. 406 00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:55,298 So, you want to go to a diner or something? 407 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:56,499 Wait-wait-wait. You slept with her? 408 00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:58,051 I know, I know. 409 00:16:58,053 --> 00:16:59,919 I'm late on sending the pictures. 410 00:16:59,921 --> 00:17:01,554 I've been swamped. 411 00:17:01,556 --> 00:17:03,006 You like Quinn. I... 412 00:17:03,008 --> 00:17:05,175 That's why you can't stop "complaining" about her. 413 00:17:05,177 --> 00:17:08,127 That's why you just tanked our chance with these... 414 00:17:08,129 --> 00:17:10,180 lovely innocent flowers. 415 00:17:10,182 --> 00:17:11,815 I don't even care where we go, 416 00:17:11,817 --> 00:17:13,983 but I hate doing it on the ground. 417 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,269 Barney, do you know why 418 00:17:16,271 --> 00:17:18,354 I'm on the Drunk Train on Valentine's Day? 419 00:17:18,356 --> 00:17:20,857 Because I have nothing better to do. 420 00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:23,026 No one I can't stop thinking about. 421 00:17:23,028 --> 00:17:26,012 So if you feel something for Quinn, go for it. 422 00:17:26,014 --> 00:17:28,865 Because you're wasting your time here. 423 00:17:28,867 --> 00:17:31,785 We both are. 424 00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,755 I don't like Quinn! 425 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,509 Kevin, I love you, 426 00:17:39,511 --> 00:17:41,377 but please don't just be the nice guy 427 00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:43,680 who says the right thing. 428 00:17:43,682 --> 00:17:46,182 Robin, I want to marry you no matter what. 429 00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:48,635 Assuming you don't turn into a big fat fattie. 430 00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:49,636 See? Right there. 431 00:17:49,638 --> 00:17:51,354 Don't always say the right thing. 432 00:17:51,356 --> 00:17:52,972 Look, you just got a truckload 433 00:17:52,974 --> 00:17:54,707 of new information dumped on you. 434 00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:55,892 Will you marry me? 435 00:17:55,894 --> 00:17:57,694 My feelings on kids aren't gonna change. 436 00:17:57,696 --> 00:17:58,645 Will you marry me? 437 00:17:58,647 --> 00:17:59,863 Haven't you always wanted kids? 438 00:17:59,865 --> 00:18:01,681 That was before I fell in love with you. 439 00:18:01,683 --> 00:18:03,015 Well, that's the thing. 440 00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:06,069 Your future always had kids in it. 441 00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:10,290 That is something huge you would be giving up for me. 442 00:18:10,292 --> 00:18:15,345 I just don't think I could ever owe someone that much. 443 00:18:15,347 --> 00:18:19,799 I'm scared that you'll... wake up in-in a year 444 00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:23,753 or ten or 50, full of regret. 445 00:18:23,755 --> 00:18:28,391 So... I need you to be sure, okay? 446 00:18:28,393 --> 00:18:33,763 If we get married, you will never have children. 447 00:18:33,765 --> 00:18:36,616 Are you really okay with that? 448 00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:44,390 Enormous Penis Syndrome? 449 00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:45,575 E.P.S. 450 00:18:45,577 --> 00:18:47,026 It's all about awareness. 451 00:18:47,028 --> 00:18:49,863 That's why we're doing the fun run, the silent auction, 452 00:18:49,865 --> 00:18:50,914 the three-legged race. 453 00:18:50,916 --> 00:18:53,917 Of course, that's just one guy. 454 00:18:54,902 --> 00:18:57,403 You know what? 455 00:18:57,405 --> 00:18:58,671 I can't do this. 456 00:18:58,673 --> 00:19:00,957 You can let me out up here. 457 00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:02,759 Why? You got a girlfriend or something? 458 00:19:04,962 --> 00:19:06,629 Maybe something. 459 00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:14,721 Kids, sometimes you realize 460 00:19:14,723 --> 00:19:18,942 the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop. 461 00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:25,365 Where do you go next? 462 00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,571 Hey. 463 00:19:33,307 --> 00:19:34,541 Are you okay? 464 00:19:34,543 --> 00:19:39,111 ? A year from now, we'll all be gone ? 465 00:19:39,113 --> 00:19:44,116 ? All our friends will move away ? 466 00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:49,606 ? And they're going to better places ? 467 00:19:49,608 --> 00:19:54,510 ? But our friends will be gone away... ? 468 00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:58,481 So... he un-proposed. 469 00:19:58,483 --> 00:20:00,183 ? Nothing is as it has been... 470 00:20:00,185 --> 00:20:02,569 We're over. 471 00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:06,739 And I-I... I-I know it's for the best. 472 00:20:06,741 --> 00:20:08,575 It's just... 473 00:20:08,577 --> 00:20:12,862 I was finally ready for something serious. 474 00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:18,251 He seemed like the guy to take that next step with. 475 00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:22,639 But he couldn't look past this. 476 00:20:23,707 --> 00:20:25,625 I mean, who could? 477 00:20:27,228 --> 00:20:28,962 I could. 478 00:20:30,431 --> 00:20:33,165 I love you, Robin. 479 00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:44,345 == sync, corrected by elderman == 480 00:20:44,546 --> 00:20:46,735 You've been complaining about this Barney guy so much, 481 00:20:46,737 --> 00:20:47,986 I'm starting to think that you like him. 482 00:20:47,988 --> 00:20:49,470 Like his apartment-- check. 483 00:20:49,472 --> 00:20:52,807 Like his moves downtown-- check plus. 484 00:20:52,809 --> 00:20:55,193 But like him? Ugh. Please. 485 00:20:55,195 --> 00:20:57,612 I'm just surprised he doesn't recognize you. 486 00:20:57,614 --> 00:20:59,647 He practically lives here. 487 00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,333 Gentlemen, give it up for Karma.