1
00:00:01,803 --> 00:00:03,954
Kids, when Aunt Lily
went into labor,
2
00:00:04,032 --> 00:00:06,589
Marshall was somewhere
slightly inconvenient,
3
00:00:06,592 --> 00:00:09,260
in Atlantic City
with Uncle Barney,
4
00:00:09,262 --> 00:00:11,929
and drunk to the point of
talking like Yoda.
5
00:00:11,931 --> 00:00:13,847
Baby come...
6
00:00:13,849 --> 00:00:15,499
Papa gonna be am I...
7
00:00:15,501 --> 00:00:17,718
Hospital must we get now...
8
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,471
Okay, there's like a four-hour
wait at the valet stand.
9
00:00:20,473 --> 00:00:23,524
Plus, we're in no shape to
drive. So, a car's out...
10
00:00:23,526 --> 00:00:26,810
Wait, don't worry. We'll take
a cab to the train station.
11
00:00:26,812 --> 00:00:28,295
Yeah, good luck
getting a cab.
12
00:00:28,297 --> 00:00:29,897
It's impossible because
of the big thing.
13
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:32,066
Kids, for the life of
me, I can't remember
14
00:00:32,068 --> 00:00:34,702
what the big thing was in
Atlantic City that weekend.
15
00:00:34,704 --> 00:00:36,971
Was it
a cheerleading convention?
16
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,325
No, it was
a porn convention.
17
00:00:41,327 --> 00:00:44,311
Sci-fi convention?
18
00:00:44,313 --> 00:00:46,330
Eh, I can't remember.
19
00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:53,420
We're stuck in Atlantic City!
City of Atlantic stuck in are we.
20
00:00:53,422 --> 00:00:57,422
? How I Met Your Mother 7x23 ?
The Magician's Code
Original Air Date on May 13, 2012
21
00:00:57,447 --> 00:01:01,447
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
22
00:01:06,401 --> 00:01:08,785
Okay, Lily,
it's going to be fine.
23
00:01:08,786 --> 00:01:12,121
We are not freaking out.
We are not freaking out!
24
00:01:12,608 --> 00:01:15,659
I feel calmer already.
Let's get you to the hospital.
25
00:01:15,661 --> 00:01:17,695
Oh, I can't go yet.
I talked to Dr. Sonya.
26
00:01:17,697 --> 00:01:19,530
They won't admit me
until my contractions
27
00:01:19,532 --> 00:01:20,485
are four minutes apart.
28
00:01:20,510 --> 00:01:22,117
Okay, well, if you
don't make it in time,
29
00:01:22,118 --> 00:01:25,235
I have got you covered. When I
was 13, my father caught me
30
00:01:25,237 --> 00:01:27,504
kissing a boy, so he sent me
to our family's ranch
31
00:01:27,506 --> 00:01:29,840
for foaling season.
Once you see a baby horse
32
00:01:29,842 --> 00:01:32,292
erupt through that birth canal,
you stop even touching yourself.
33
00:01:32,294 --> 00:01:35,078
Anyway, I had skinny arms,
so I got up there elbow deep.
34
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,680
I lost this watch
birthing Blacky...
35
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:40,267
Okay, stop it. I am not
a farm animal.
36
00:01:40,269 --> 00:01:43,253
Oh, there we go.
Easy girl. Sugar cube?
37
00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:44,855
Oh, okay.
38
00:01:44,857 --> 00:01:46,757
Ah, don't worry, Lil.
39
00:01:46,759 --> 00:01:49,026
Some of us know what
a woman actually needs
40
00:01:49,028 --> 00:01:50,260
at a time like this.
41
00:01:50,262 --> 00:01:54,431
A kick-ass
labor announcement e-mail.
42
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,483
A man,
43
00:01:56,485 --> 00:01:57,818
a woman,
44
00:01:57,820 --> 00:01:59,386
and their best friend,
45
00:01:59,388 --> 00:02:01,805
embark on an
incredible journey.
46
00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:05,292
Lily's cervix is dilating,
and we want you all
47
00:02:05,294 --> 00:02:07,911
to be part of its
grand opening.
48
00:02:07,913 --> 00:02:10,247
You are not sending that
to anyone, ever.
49
00:02:10,249 --> 00:02:14,218
So what I need right now is
distraction from the pain.
50
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,886
Just tell me a story.
51
00:02:15,888 --> 00:02:17,971
Uh, what story?
I don't care. Anything.
52
00:02:17,973 --> 00:02:19,873
How about the worst
cab ride ever?
53
00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,675
Clean your window for you? - No!
54
00:02:21,677 --> 00:02:23,093
Hey, get off my cab!
55
00:02:25,514 --> 00:02:27,264
Oh! Oh, God!
56
00:02:27,266 --> 00:02:29,316
Oh! Ah!
57
00:02:34,607 --> 00:02:36,907
We are not panicking!
We are not panicking!
58
00:02:36,909 --> 00:02:38,975
Get on all fours;
it widens your hind quarters.
59
00:02:38,977 --> 00:02:41,978
Stop it! I am not
a farm animal!
60
00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,782
But give me that sugar cube.
61
00:02:44,784 --> 00:02:47,668
Okay, listen, I am going to
get you to that hospital
62
00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:50,337
or die trying.
And if I succeed,
63
00:02:50,339 --> 00:02:52,372
I ask only one thing in return.
64
00:02:52,374 --> 00:02:55,292
Let me choose
your child's middle name.
65
00:02:55,294 --> 00:02:58,045
Because I have thought up the
most awesome name of all time.
66
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,680
What's the middle name?
67
00:02:59,682 --> 00:03:01,331
Wait for it...
68
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:02,966
I'm waiting.
69
00:03:02,968 --> 00:03:04,184
Wait for it...
70
00:03:04,186 --> 00:03:05,969
I said I'm waiting.
71
00:03:05,971 --> 00:03:08,305
Wait for it.
What's the middle name?
72
00:03:08,307 --> 00:03:10,741
No, the middle name is
"Wait For It."
73
00:03:10,743 --> 00:03:13,227
Let's say his first name is,
oh, I don't know, Barney.
74
00:03:13,229 --> 00:03:17,764
He'd be Barney
"Wait For It" Eriksen.
75
00:03:17,766 --> 00:03:19,967
How awesome is that?
76
00:03:21,319 --> 00:03:22,753
That is...
77
00:03:22,755 --> 00:03:25,706
the coolest...
middle name of all time.
78
00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:27,941
I know!
Okay, listen.
79
00:03:27,943 --> 00:03:30,828
I have a plan
to get us to New York.
80
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:33,831
All we have to do is get our
hands on that motorcycle.
81
00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:39,520
And I know just the way
to do it.
82
00:03:45,594 --> 00:03:46,543
Here.
83
00:03:46,545 --> 00:03:49,179
Oh. Hi, Judy.
84
00:03:49,181 --> 00:03:53,267
Oh, good.
You got the e-mail from Ted.
85
00:03:53,269 --> 00:03:56,770
No, I am not worried my
city hips are too narrow,
86
00:03:56,772 --> 00:03:59,106
and-and your grandson's
going to get stuck.
87
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,657
I got to go.
88
00:04:00,659 --> 00:04:03,193
I thought you deleted
that stupid e-mail.
89
00:04:03,195 --> 00:04:05,395
Okay, I sent it by accident.
90
00:04:05,397 --> 00:04:07,331
She like it?
Yes!
91
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,065
Just keep telling me stories!
92
00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:13,921
Okay, okay, I got one for you:
second base with Neil Young.
93
00:04:13,923 --> 00:04:15,839
Um,
94
00:04:15,841 --> 00:04:20,711
I don't normally go to, um,
second base and tell,
95
00:04:20,713 --> 00:04:25,749
but I just spent
a magical night with Neil Young.
96
00:04:25,751 --> 00:04:27,634
He's still in my room.
97
00:04:27,636 --> 00:04:29,219
Seriously?
Oh, my God.
98
00:04:29,221 --> 00:04:31,021
Be quiet, don't scare him off.
99
00:04:32,308 --> 00:04:33,757
He-Hey...
100
00:04:36,311 --> 00:04:38,445
Robin...
Yeah.
101
00:04:39,397 --> 00:04:41,231
That's not Neil Young.
102
00:04:43,051 --> 00:04:45,268
Oh, God.
103
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:49,157
Oh, we're busting apple bags?
I can bust apple bags.
104
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:52,284
Ted, remember when we were
dating and we threw that party
105
00:04:52,286 --> 00:04:54,636
and one of those appetizers
just didn't sit right?
106
00:04:54,638 --> 00:04:57,556
Ah... doesn't sound familiar.
107
00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:01,626
I call this story "Ted and
the Cuban Sandwich Crisis."
108
00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:05,597
Ted came out of that
bathroom looking like
109
00:05:05,599 --> 00:05:08,600
Joe Frazier after
the Thrilla in Manila.
110
00:05:08,602 --> 00:05:11,987
Oh, what is that smell!?
111
00:05:11,989 --> 00:05:13,906
Ugh!
112
00:05:13,908 --> 00:05:19,111
So I, being a great girlfriend,
tried to help him out.
113
00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:24,700
You guys are all crazy;
I don't smell anything.
114
00:05:24,702 --> 00:05:26,785
Anyway, uh, who wants to
go up on the roof?
115
00:05:26,787 --> 00:05:27,786
But then...
116
00:05:27,788 --> 00:05:31,673
She, who denied it, supplied it.
117
00:05:31,675 --> 00:05:35,438
Yeah, must have been that
Cuban sandwich, huh, babe?
118
00:05:37,465 --> 00:05:38,847
That was not cool, Ted.
119
00:05:38,849 --> 00:05:40,182
Contraction!
120
00:05:40,184 --> 00:05:42,301
That wasn't cool, Ted?
121
00:05:42,303 --> 00:05:44,103
Just keep going
with the stories.
122
00:05:44,105 --> 00:05:45,854
I don't even care
if I've heard it before.
123
00:05:45,856 --> 00:05:48,690
Just tell me, uh,
"Where Does That Door Go?"
124
00:05:48,692 --> 00:05:49,875
Okay.
125
00:05:49,877 --> 00:05:53,662
Hey, I've never noticed
that door before.
126
00:05:55,315 --> 00:05:57,900
I wonder where it goes.
127
00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:03,188
Ted.
Ted.
128
00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:05,541
No, no, no, let him...
let him...
129
00:06:10,046 --> 00:06:12,347
Wow...
130
00:06:16,469 --> 00:06:18,203
Don't...
No...
131
00:06:18,205 --> 00:06:20,005
Robi....
132
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:28,897
Oh...
133
00:06:28,899 --> 00:06:30,649
Wow...
134
00:06:31,885 --> 00:06:33,318
Dad, oh, good.
135
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,554
Let me guess,
you got Ted's e-mail.
136
00:06:35,556 --> 00:06:38,890
I'm on my way, Princess.
Dad, wait, no, not...
137
00:06:38,892 --> 00:06:40,075
Damn it, Ted.
138
00:06:40,077 --> 00:06:44,279
I was okay with you e-mailing
my aunt, my cousins,
139
00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,915
and your cousins, and the guy
that Robin thought was Neil Young.
140
00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:50,869
But my father is the absolute
worst person to have around
141
00:06:50,871 --> 00:06:53,255
in any sort of
medical situation.
142
00:06:53,257 --> 00:06:55,073
When I was seven, I needed
143
00:06:55,075 --> 00:06:56,391
to have my tonsils out.
144
00:06:56,393 --> 00:06:58,343
Daddy, I'm scared.
145
00:06:58,345 --> 00:07:02,181
Aw, Princess, I would be too.
I've researched this surgery.
146
00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:05,350
Anything can happen.
You could bleed to death...
147
00:07:05,352 --> 00:07:07,936
...you could have your jaw
removed due to infection,
148
00:07:07,938 --> 00:07:10,922
and the anesthesia could
suddenly just stop working,
149
00:07:10,924 --> 00:07:12,808
much like your mom's
and my marriage.
150
00:07:15,729 --> 00:07:18,930
You do know that we're
getting a divor...
151
00:07:18,932 --> 00:07:21,783
Don't worry about it. We'll talk
about it after the surgery.
152
00:07:21,785 --> 00:07:24,102
Calm down, girl.
153
00:07:24,104 --> 00:07:26,705
Okay, for the last time,
I am not...
154
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:29,541
Actually, keep going.
155
00:07:29,543 --> 00:07:32,578
Okay, I admit the whole "win a
motorcycle plan" was stupid.
156
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:36,932
Especially because we've been
playing on the wrong machine.
157
00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:42,087
Meet me at the entrance
in five minutes.
158
00:07:46,093 --> 00:07:50,262
Hop on, Marshall.
Tonight, we ride!
159
00:07:50,264 --> 00:07:52,064
You won that?
160
00:07:52,066 --> 00:07:54,933
Not exactly. You see, I...
161
00:07:54,935 --> 00:07:56,318
Get off!
162
00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:03,534
I hope Marshall's close.
Cube me.
163
00:08:05,677 --> 00:08:07,678
I'm on my way, Lily Pad.
164
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,464
Kids, your Uncle Marshall
165
00:08:11,466 --> 00:08:13,734
has faced many challenges
in his life.
166
00:08:13,736 --> 00:08:15,736
But he still considers
getting up these two steps
167
00:08:15,738 --> 00:08:18,488
when he was this drunk to be
the hardest one of all.
168
00:08:34,589 --> 00:08:36,456
Tell me a Marshall story.
I miss him.
169
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:40,544
Got it.
"The Tale of the Cursed Pants."
170
00:08:40,546 --> 00:08:43,547
Hey, guys.
171
00:08:43,549 --> 00:08:46,383
So, I'm starting worry
about these pants.
172
00:08:46,385 --> 00:08:47,434
Starting to?
173
00:08:47,436 --> 00:08:49,302
No, ever since I got them,
terrible things
174
00:08:49,304 --> 00:08:51,221
have been happening to me:
I stubbed my toe,
175
00:08:51,223 --> 00:08:53,506
I missed my train...
You put on the pants.
176
00:08:53,508 --> 00:08:56,509
And then the lady at the thrift
store said that for years,
177
00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:58,194
no one so much as tried them on.
Can you believe that?
178
00:08:58,219 --> 00:08:59,814
Yes.
179
00:08:59,815 --> 00:09:01,481
You know what this means?
180
00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:04,801
These pants are cursed.
181
00:09:06,654 --> 00:09:08,688
What's this in the pocket?
182
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,293
A clue.
183
00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:15,712
Marshall had
the writing translated.
184
00:09:15,714 --> 00:09:18,965
It led him deep
into the heart of Chinatown.
185
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,445
It is you.
186
00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:33,930
The One has arrived.
187
00:09:41,272 --> 00:09:43,840
Dry cleaning, $21.50.
188
00:09:43,842 --> 00:09:46,493
I remember that suit.
He looked like
189
00:09:46,495 --> 00:09:49,329
a little kid's imaginary friend.
190
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,231
Where is he?!
191
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,316
Now, Uncle Marshall
knew he had only one chance
192
00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:55,068
of getting out
of Atlantic City:
193
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:57,370
bribing a cab driver.
194
00:09:57,372 --> 00:09:59,422
Machine that gives money!
195
00:10:05,296 --> 00:10:07,047
Now, Marshall
was pretty drunk,
196
00:10:07,049 --> 00:10:09,950
but he swears the ATM
started to do this.
197
00:10:27,401 --> 00:10:29,602
Stop
hitting me. Just for that,
198
00:10:29,604 --> 00:10:32,322
you're never getting home
for the birth of your son.
199
00:10:41,999 --> 00:10:45,418
No!!
200
00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:47,053
What's up, bro?
201
00:10:47,055 --> 00:10:49,789
Wait, how did you...
with the security?
202
00:10:49,791 --> 00:10:51,124
I'll explain.
203
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:56,479
Tell me why we shouldn't
call the authorities...
204
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:59,566
right now?
Go ahead, call 'em.
205
00:10:59,568 --> 00:11:02,802
But first, can you show me
the rule that says you can't
206
00:11:02,804 --> 00:11:05,488
drive a motorcycle
on the casino floor?
207
00:11:08,993 --> 00:11:10,660
It's not in here.
208
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:17,117
And, kids, that sign
is still there to this day.
209
00:11:18,202 --> 00:11:20,036
When I came out,
I ran into this guy.
210
00:11:20,038 --> 00:11:21,621
Two seats just opened up
211
00:11:21,623 --> 00:11:24,657
on his bus to New York!
212
00:11:24,659 --> 00:11:27,294
Barney, you're a genius!
213
00:11:27,296 --> 00:11:28,762
Plus, here's the best part.
214
00:11:28,764 --> 00:11:31,181
This Quinn thing is probably
done, so I'm basically single.
215
00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:34,885
He said the bus is full of
hot college seniors.
216
00:11:34,887 --> 00:11:37,854
Okay, maybe he didn't
say "college."
217
00:11:37,856 --> 00:11:39,472
Or "hot."
218
00:11:39,474 --> 00:11:41,892
I miss Quinn.
219
00:11:42,895 --> 00:11:44,311
What is taking Marshall so long?
220
00:11:44,313 --> 00:11:45,145
Salt lick?
221
00:11:45,147 --> 00:11:47,430
Just finish the door story!
222
00:12:00,544 --> 00:12:03,213
Oh, wow.
223
00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:08,084
I don't like this.
224
00:12:08,086 --> 00:12:10,220
Okay, okay, that's
four minutes!
225
00:12:10,222 --> 00:12:11,421
We're going to
the hospital.
226
00:12:11,423 --> 00:12:12,889
W-Wait, but Marshall's
not here yet.
227
00:12:12,891 --> 00:12:14,925
I can't go to the hospital
without Marshall!
228
00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:16,309
I'm on it.
Lily, spread your legs.
229
00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:18,011
I'm gonna see if we can
see the hooves--
230
00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:19,646
uh, the-the snout--
uh, the head.
231
00:12:19,648 --> 00:12:21,431
Here we go.
Take me to the hospital now.
232
00:12:21,433 --> 00:12:23,266
Okay. Come
on, come on.
233
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:24,384
Excuse me, sir.
234
00:12:24,386 --> 00:12:26,403
My wife is in labor,
and I really need to
235
00:12:26,405 --> 00:12:27,570
get to Saint Marcus Hospital.
236
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,440
So where exactly in New York
does this bus drop off?
237
00:12:30,442 --> 00:12:31,925
Buffalo.
238
00:12:37,097 --> 00:12:39,073
What do you mean
I can't have an epidural?
239
00:12:39,098 --> 00:12:40,645
You're too far along.
240
00:12:40,745 --> 00:12:43,412
Things are moving much faster
than expected.
241
00:12:45,082 --> 00:12:47,416
Look, if your hands
are tied medically,
242
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,969
just leave the epidural
on the table and walk away.
243
00:12:49,971 --> 00:12:51,504
Don't worry.
244
00:12:51,506 --> 00:12:53,673
The baby slide right out, huh?
245
00:12:53,675 --> 00:12:55,258
It's like a whoosh.
246
00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:56,642
Like a waterslide.
247
00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:00,813
Slightly painful
waterslide.
248
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,849
Tell me a story now!
249
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:04,967
Uh...
Uh...
250
00:13:04,969 --> 00:13:06,102
Oh! Remember the time Barney
251
00:13:06,104 --> 00:13:07,658
tried to pick up girls
as the Terminator?
252
00:13:07,683 --> 00:13:09,683
Yes.
253
00:13:13,110 --> 00:13:15,361
? ?
254
00:13:22,703 --> 00:13:26,005
Come
with me if you want to bang.
255
00:13:27,341 --> 00:13:28,841
Another.
256
00:13:28,843 --> 00:13:31,610
Oh, uh, Ted and the
freakishly long arm hair!
257
00:13:31,612 --> 00:13:33,095
No, I disagree,
because the filling--
258
00:13:33,097 --> 00:13:35,631
It depends on
what you're eating, right?
259
00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:36,498
If it's...
260
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,434
Whoa. What the...?
261
00:13:38,436 --> 00:13:40,519
Whoa.
262
00:13:40,521 --> 00:13:43,856
The debunking of the
freakishly long arm hair.
263
00:13:43,858 --> 00:13:47,343
Wait, it's-it's
just a thread.
264
00:13:48,362 --> 00:13:49,779
I was jealous, okay?
265
00:13:49,781 --> 00:13:51,364
Barney's getting all
the attention today
266
00:13:51,366 --> 00:13:53,482
with this
Terminator thing.
267
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:56,068
Huh. Can't believe I'm not
getting laid in this thing.
268
00:13:56,070 --> 00:14:00,072
Maybe I need to pick
a different part of the movie.
269
00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:02,208
? ?
270
00:14:07,799 --> 00:14:09,465
Tell me another story!
271
00:14:09,467 --> 00:14:11,684
Oh, hey, we never finished
"Where does that door go""
272
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:13,052
Come on.
273
00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:14,537
Let's check it out.
274
00:14:14,539 --> 00:14:16,055
You know what, baby,
they're gone.
275
00:14:16,057 --> 00:14:19,358
It's time for us
to move on.
276
00:14:20,877 --> 00:14:23,179
L-Lil...
277
00:14:27,884 --> 00:14:30,403
Oh, my God.
278
00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:33,572
New story!
279
00:14:33,574 --> 00:14:34,907
Uh, the time we tested
280
00:14:34,909 --> 00:14:36,471
if banana peels are
really slippery.
281
00:14:36,496 --> 00:14:37,210
Yes.
282
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:38,527
Ready?
283
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,864
There's no way
that's really slippery.
284
00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:45,368
Ow! Ow! Ow!
285
00:14:45,370 --> 00:14:47,787
Uh, the Halloween we decided
to go as The Breakfast Club,
286
00:14:47,789 --> 00:14:50,005
but failed to coordinate
our costumes!
287
00:14:50,007 --> 00:14:51,006
Uh...
Does...
288
00:14:51,008 --> 00:14:52,675
Oh.
289
00:14:54,128 --> 00:14:56,045
Really?
I mean, you live with me, Lily.
290
00:14:56,047 --> 00:14:57,079
Yeah, that was funny.
291
00:14:57,081 --> 00:14:58,080
Keep going!
292
00:14:58,082 --> 00:14:59,465
Oh, uh, uh...
293
00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:01,801
the-the time Barney
saved a woman's life.
294
00:15:01,803 --> 00:15:03,085
Ready?
295
00:15:03,087 --> 00:15:06,255
There's no way
that's really slippery.
296
00:15:10,478 --> 00:15:12,211
Uh, the time Lily
went into labor!
297
00:15:12,213 --> 00:15:13,446
That's now!
298
00:15:13,448 --> 00:15:14,647
Sorry, I'm running
out of stories.
299
00:15:14,649 --> 00:15:15,648
Forget it!
300
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,199
They're not working anymore!
301
00:15:17,201 --> 00:15:18,984
Okay, Lily, I know this
isn't how you imagined it,
302
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,152
but I want
you to know
303
00:15:20,154 --> 00:15:22,788
that I am here for you
and I am rock solid!
304
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,824
Oh, I can see its head.
305
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,294
Oh, thank God,
Dr. Sonya!
306
00:15:28,296 --> 00:15:29,278
You!
307
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,448
Get that thing
out of my delivery room!
308
00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:34,667
Weak women
disgust me.
309
00:15:34,669 --> 00:15:36,618
All right, Lily, legs up!
310
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:38,003
We push now, yes?!
311
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,839
I can't.
Marshall's not here yet.
312
00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:41,006
Lily!
313
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:43,809
If you don't push,
I will shove that baby
314
00:15:43,811 --> 00:15:46,679
up your throat
and pull it out of your mouth!
315
00:15:47,899 --> 00:15:49,465
Where the hell is Marshall?!
316
00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:52,134
I can't do this
without Marshall!
317
00:15:52,136 --> 00:15:56,338
Kids, sometimes the universe
sends exactly what you ask for.
318
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:59,775
Other times,
it sends Lily's dad.
319
00:15:59,777 --> 00:16:01,777
Oh...
320
00:16:01,779 --> 00:16:04,146
Remember the time
you had your tonsils out?
321
00:16:04,148 --> 00:16:05,647
Yeah, yeah.
322
00:16:05,649 --> 00:16:07,199
You scared the crap out of me.
323
00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:09,001
Yes, I did, didn't I?
324
00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:11,954
Oh, my.
325
00:16:11,956 --> 00:16:14,440
But do you remember
what happened next?
326
00:16:14,442 --> 00:16:15,824
And don't worry,
Princess,
327
00:16:15,826 --> 00:16:18,043
if you permanently lose
the ability to speak,
328
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,512
we'll give you
a chalkboard.
329
00:16:19,514 --> 00:16:22,831
You can hang it around your
neck on a little string.
330
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:26,218
Nurse, I don't know
who this strange man is.
331
00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,603
Security!
332
00:16:27,605 --> 00:16:29,605
What are you talking about?
I'm your daddy.
333
00:16:29,607 --> 00:16:30,556
What do you mean...
334
00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:31,824
Hey, fellas, come on!
335
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:34,193
I woke up in a Dumpster
of medical waste,
336
00:16:34,195 --> 00:16:36,645
and I couldn't
have been prouder.
337
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:39,815
Because, much like
that Dumpster,
338
00:16:39,817 --> 00:16:42,201
you had a lot of guts.
339
00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:46,688
And you've used that bravery
every day of your life.
340
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:49,241
With or without
Marshall.
341
00:16:49,243 --> 00:16:52,044
You're having
this baby.
342
00:16:52,046 --> 00:16:53,862
Thanks, Dad.
343
00:16:53,864 --> 00:16:55,498
That story actually helped.
344
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,882
Oh, good, I'm glad.
345
00:16:56,884 --> 00:16:59,251
And, you know, few women have
vaginal tearing severe enough
346
00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:00,719
to need surgical
reconstruction...
347
00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:02,421
Security!
Oh, come on.
348
00:17:02,423 --> 00:17:03,556
That's not necessary.
349
00:17:03,558 --> 00:17:04,723
Sweetheart, please...
350
00:17:04,725 --> 00:17:06,425
Oh, fellas, come on.
351
00:17:06,427 --> 00:17:07,843
Please, sir,
all you have to do
352
00:17:07,845 --> 00:17:09,178
is take the next exit
to Manhattan.
353
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:10,896
You'll be back
on the road in 20 minutes.
354
00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:11,931
I already told you,
355
00:17:11,933 --> 00:17:13,215
I'm not allowed to stop.
356
00:17:13,217 --> 00:17:17,219
Sir, this man is
having a baby tonight.
357
00:17:17,221 --> 00:17:19,822
And instead of going
to Saint Marcus Hospital,
358
00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:21,190
we're going to Buffalo.
359
00:17:21,192 --> 00:17:24,076
And I've seen women from there;
the city's aptly named.
360
00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:27,396
Look, I'm a screwup.
361
00:17:27,398 --> 00:17:29,415
I had something special
with this girl Quinn,
362
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:30,533
and I ruined it.
363
00:17:30,535 --> 00:17:34,169
But this guy--
he's done everything right.
364
00:17:34,171 --> 00:17:36,956
He's been loving and devoted
since he was 18 years old.
365
00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:40,593
There are only a few truly great
people on this planet,
366
00:17:40,595 --> 00:17:42,094
and he is one of them.
367
00:17:42,096 --> 00:17:45,798
He deserves to be
at the birth of his son.
368
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,267
So... what do you say?
369
00:17:48,269 --> 00:17:51,520
Unless there's an emergency,
I'm not allowed to stop,
370
00:17:51,522 --> 00:17:55,691
so sit down, watch
Cocoon 2 and shut up.
371
00:18:00,263 --> 00:18:02,314
I'm sorry,
buddy, I tried.
372
00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:05,317
And then, something
wonderful happened.
373
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,936
I'm having a heart attack!
374
00:18:09,239 --> 00:18:12,458
I'm having a
heart attack!
375
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,376
I'm having a heart attack!
376
00:18:14,378 --> 00:18:17,463
And my doctor is
at Saint Marcus Hospital!
377
00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:19,048
So is mine!
378
00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:20,165
Mine, too.
379
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,784
And my son is head
of Cardiology.
380
00:18:22,786 --> 00:18:24,837
We know!
381
00:18:26,122 --> 00:18:27,089
Push!
382
00:18:27,091 --> 00:18:29,625
I wish Marshall were here!
383
00:18:29,627 --> 00:18:31,260
I'm here, baby.
384
00:18:31,262 --> 00:18:32,177
Marshall!
385
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,146
I don't know why
I passed out.
386
00:18:34,148 --> 00:18:37,016
I have delivered
12 perfectly healthy babies,
387
00:18:37,018 --> 00:18:38,984
and one of them was even human.
388
00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:40,636
Well, it's different
when it's someone you love.
389
00:18:40,638 --> 00:18:42,488
When that head was coming
out of your best friend.
390
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:44,323
Oh, stop.
I'm feeling woozy again.
391
00:18:44,325 --> 00:18:45,608
Don't.
392
00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:46,975
Salt lick?
393
00:18:46,977 --> 00:18:50,946
In return for him getting me
here, I may have promised Barney
394
00:18:50,948 --> 00:18:54,950
that our son's middle name
will be Wait For It.
395
00:18:54,952 --> 00:18:57,286
I can't wait, just--
what is the name?
396
00:18:57,288 --> 00:18:59,955
The name is
Wait For It.
397
00:19:01,342 --> 00:19:06,161
That is the coolest middle name
of all time!
398
00:19:06,163 --> 00:19:07,630
Look, um,
399
00:19:07,632 --> 00:19:11,550
I know things have been weird
between us the last few months,
400
00:19:11,552 --> 00:19:12,885
but...
401
00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:14,970
Marshall and Lily
are having a baby.
402
00:19:14,972 --> 00:19:16,271
Yeah.
403
00:19:16,273 --> 00:19:18,524
And, you know,
I want this baby to be born
404
00:19:18,526 --> 00:19:21,010
into a world where we're okay.
405
00:19:21,811 --> 00:19:23,746
So, friends?
406
00:19:23,748 --> 00:19:25,414
I love you, Robin.
407
00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:27,066
Kidding.
408
00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:27,950
You...
409
00:19:27,952 --> 00:19:29,017
Friends.
You...
410
00:19:30,538 --> 00:19:33,205
Guys, great news
from down the hall.
411
00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:37,176
One dollar,
two bags of gummy bears!
412
00:19:38,078 --> 00:19:39,378
It's like, I don't even care
413
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:41,463
what happens
for the rest of the day.
414
00:19:41,465 --> 00:19:43,082
I...
415
00:19:43,084 --> 00:19:44,583
Hey.
416
00:19:44,585 --> 00:19:46,034
Well, guys, uh...
417
00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:48,754
I'm a dad.
418
00:19:48,756 --> 00:19:50,038
Oh, my God!
419
00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:54,710
Everybody,
420
00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:56,895
this is Marvin.
421
00:19:56,897 --> 00:19:59,615
We named him after my pop.
422
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,768
Tell them the
full name.
423
00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:06,939
Marvin Wait For It Eriksen.
424
00:20:06,941 --> 00:20:09,992
That is the coolest
middle name of all-time.
425
00:20:09,994 --> 00:20:11,710
Totally.
426
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:16,865
? You were born into
a strange world ?
427
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:20,002
? Like a candle, you were meant
to share the fire ?
428
00:20:20,004 --> 00:20:23,739
? I don't know where we come
from, I don't know where we go ?
429
00:20:23,741 --> 00:20:26,041
? But my arms were made
to hold you ?
430
00:20:26,043 --> 00:20:27,909
? So I will never let you go ?
431
00:20:27,911 --> 00:20:31,246
? 'Cause you were born ?
432
00:20:31,248 --> 00:20:34,516
? To change this life,
you were born. ?
433
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:37,985
? How I Met Your Mother 7x24 ?
The Magician's Code, pt2
Original Air Date on May 14, 2012
434
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,840
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
435
00:20:56,847 --> 00:20:58,398
Boo!
436
00:20:59,686 --> 00:21:01,436
Which brings us to the story
437
00:21:01,438 --> 00:21:04,089
of a wedding day
that went horribly wrong.
438
00:21:05,525 --> 00:21:07,225
Ted, the bride wants to see you.
439
00:21:08,361 --> 00:21:11,480
Uncle Barney
was getting married.
440
00:21:11,482 --> 00:21:14,533
How the hell did we get there?
441
00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:19,654
I love the name Marvin.
442
00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:20,989
Marv.
443
00:21:20,991 --> 00:21:23,108
Sounds like a little
middle-aged man.
444
00:21:23,944 --> 00:21:25,043
Golf next
weekend, Marv?
445
00:21:25,045 --> 00:21:26,712
How's that tax report
coming, Marv?
446
00:21:26,714 --> 00:21:28,446
At your age,
erectile dysfunction
447
00:21:28,448 --> 00:21:30,582
is nothing to be
ashamed of, Marv.
448
00:21:32,051 --> 00:21:34,119
It was a beautiful moment.
449
00:21:34,121 --> 00:21:36,471
But then a thought popped
into my head, kids.
450
00:21:36,473 --> 00:21:38,423
The same thought that will pop
into your heads
451
00:21:38,425 --> 00:21:41,476
the first time you see your
best friend holding their baby.
452
00:21:43,230 --> 00:21:45,480
Wonder how much this would hurt.
453
00:21:49,853 --> 00:21:51,953
That guy's a dad.
454
00:21:54,908 --> 00:21:56,942
Oh, I think he's hungry.
455
00:21:56,944 --> 00:21:59,194
Oh, we'll give
you some privacy.
456
00:22:01,147 --> 00:22:03,331
Wow. Seeing them in there
all together like that,
457
00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,250
they're a family,
you know?
458
00:22:05,252 --> 00:22:06,835
That's what I want.
459
00:22:06,837 --> 00:22:09,671
Oh, Ted, I'm glad
we're friends again.
460
00:22:09,673 --> 00:22:10,756
Me, too.
461
00:22:10,758 --> 00:22:13,425
Because as your friend,
I have to tell you:
462
00:22:13,427 --> 00:22:14,593
You're full of crap!
463
00:22:14,595 --> 00:22:16,294
You say you want a family,
464
00:22:16,296 --> 00:22:18,680
you say
you want to meet "The One,"
465
00:22:18,682 --> 00:22:21,633
but you are always chasing
the wrong women.
466
00:22:21,635 --> 00:22:22,851
That is not true.
467
00:22:22,853 --> 00:22:24,186
Look at the women you date,
468
00:22:24,188 --> 00:22:25,520
starting with me:
469
00:22:25,522 --> 00:22:27,656
I told you right away
I didn't want marriage or kids.
470
00:22:27,658 --> 00:22:31,276
Stella had a child with another
man who she still loved.
471
00:22:31,278 --> 00:22:34,963
Zoey was married and trying
to sabotage your career
472
00:22:34,965 --> 00:22:37,199
and wore a lot of stupid hats.
473
00:22:37,201 --> 00:22:39,651
If you really wanted a family,
474
00:22:39,653 --> 00:22:41,653
you would stop pursuing women
475
00:22:41,655 --> 00:22:43,488
you know that
there is no future with.
476
00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:48,210
Okay, first of all,
hats were in that year, kind of.
477
00:22:48,212 --> 00:22:50,495
Secondly, I don't
always choose women
478
00:22:50,497 --> 00:22:53,215
there's no future with, kind of.
479
00:22:53,217 --> 00:22:54,800
Name one exception.
480
00:22:54,802 --> 00:22:57,002
Victoria.
481
00:22:57,004 --> 00:22:59,370
Victoria was great.
482
00:22:59,372 --> 00:23:01,306
Exactly,
and you threw it all away
483
00:23:01,308 --> 00:23:03,592
to chase after some hot piece
of ass.
484
00:23:03,594 --> 00:23:06,061
You mean you?
Thank you!
485
00:23:06,063 --> 00:23:09,231
Victoria is the only
woman you've dated
486
00:23:09,233 --> 00:23:10,632
who could've been "The One."
487
00:23:10,634 --> 00:23:11,900
You should call her.
488
00:23:11,902 --> 00:23:15,386
Tiny thing, last time I saw her,
she was getting engaged.
489
00:23:15,388 --> 00:23:16,538
That was eight months ago.
490
00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:18,073
For all you know,
she's single again.
491
00:23:18,075 --> 00:23:19,074
What if she's married?
492
00:23:19,076 --> 00:23:20,108
What if she's not?
493
00:23:20,110 --> 00:23:21,576
Then you would actually
have a chance
494
00:23:21,578 --> 00:23:24,362
to get what you say you want,
and it terrifies you.
495
00:23:24,364 --> 00:23:27,666
Why? Because if I stole a
scalpel and I cut you open,
496
00:23:27,668 --> 00:23:31,920
all I would find inside is a
scared, trembling pile of crap.
497
00:23:31,922 --> 00:23:34,673
See, I've missed these talks.
498
00:23:34,675 --> 00:23:36,041
Oh, me, too.
499
00:23:36,043 --> 00:23:38,510
Yeah.
Whoa.
500
00:23:38,512 --> 00:23:40,762
What's wrong?
501
00:23:40,764 --> 00:23:42,580
I ruined things with Quinn.
502
00:23:42,582 --> 00:23:44,599
I insisted she stop stripping,
503
00:23:44,601 --> 00:23:46,551
we got in a huge fight about it,
504
00:23:46,553 --> 00:23:49,771
then I ran off to Atlantic City
for two days without calling.
505
00:23:49,773 --> 00:23:52,390
What the hell
am I coming home to?
506
00:23:55,862 --> 00:23:58,930
Let's have an eight-way with
my six hottest stripper friends.
507
00:23:58,932 --> 00:24:01,032
Um, how is that a punishment?
508
00:24:01,034 --> 00:24:02,234
Wait for it.
509
00:24:02,236 --> 00:24:03,618
But I forbid you from filming it
510
00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:04,819
with your overhead camera
511
00:24:04,821 --> 00:24:06,955
that zooms in
on whoever's being the loudest.
512
00:24:08,157 --> 00:24:12,244
Nooooo!
513
00:24:12,246 --> 00:24:14,579
No, that's too cruel.
514
00:24:14,581 --> 00:24:18,567
Or, you know,
maybe Quinn's moved out.
515
00:24:19,552 --> 00:24:22,254
I didn't even think of that!
516
00:24:27,793 --> 00:24:29,144
Hi.
517
00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:32,230
Welcome home.
518
00:24:32,232 --> 00:24:36,184
I decided the place was a bit
too "American Psycho" for me,
519
00:24:36,186 --> 00:24:38,803
so while you were gone,
I hired a decorator
520
00:24:38,805 --> 00:24:39,804
and I asked him,
521
00:24:39,806 --> 00:24:41,072
"What would the inside
522
00:24:41,074 --> 00:24:43,325
of Tinkerbell's vagina
look like?"
523
00:24:43,327 --> 00:24:45,594
And the kid just ran with it!
524
00:24:46,779 --> 00:24:49,281
So... what do you think?
525
00:24:49,283 --> 00:24:52,951
Thank God you're still here!
526
00:24:56,488 --> 00:24:58,673
Welcome home.
527
00:25:01,944 --> 00:25:04,346
Lily and Marshall asked Robin
to be the photographer
528
00:25:04,348 --> 00:25:06,831
for Baby Marvin's
Birth Announcement card
529
00:25:06,833 --> 00:25:08,633
instead of me.
530
00:25:08,635 --> 00:25:09,634
Whatever.
531
00:25:09,636 --> 00:25:10,969
The only problem?
532
00:25:18,761 --> 00:25:20,278
These are terrible, Robin!
533
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,251
Hey, it is not easy
getting a good shot
534
00:25:22,276 --> 00:25:23,899
cooped up in this apartment!
535
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:25,016
See, two different styles:
536
00:25:25,018 --> 00:25:28,853
I make compositions,
Robin makes excuses.
537
00:25:28,855 --> 00:25:29,854
Click!
538
00:25:29,856 --> 00:25:31,189
Photo burn!
539
00:25:31,191 --> 00:25:33,124
Okay. How about this?
540
00:25:33,126 --> 00:25:35,627
Tomorrow, we go
to Central Park at sunset
541
00:25:35,629 --> 00:25:38,546
and we get the perfect picture
in the perfect setting.
542
00:25:38,548 --> 00:25:40,048
Oh, I like that.
543
00:25:40,050 --> 00:25:42,917
It'll be Marvin's first
outing into the world.
544
00:25:42,919 --> 00:25:44,586
You're gonna love
the park, buddy.
545
00:25:44,588 --> 00:25:46,638
It's a great place
to meet chicks.
546
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,923
Or-or dudes.
547
00:25:48,925 --> 00:25:50,175
Or both.
548
00:25:50,177 --> 00:25:52,560
Oh, we love you
no matter what!
549
00:25:52,562 --> 00:25:56,164
And kids, as I watched your
Aunt Lily hold her baby boy,
550
00:25:56,166 --> 00:25:58,199
another thought
popped into my head.
551
00:25:58,201 --> 00:26:00,602
Even though you
didn't buy anything,
552
00:26:00,604 --> 00:26:03,021
I want to thank you
for coming in.
553
00:26:03,023 --> 00:26:04,322
Here's a free teddy bear.
554
00:26:04,324 --> 00:26:06,391
What are you gonna
name the little guy?
555
00:26:06,393 --> 00:26:09,494
Six Pack.
556
00:26:12,114 --> 00:26:14,032
Gun it, bitches!
557
00:26:14,985 --> 00:26:16,785
That girl's a mom!
558
00:26:23,376 --> 00:26:26,127
Okay, so I met this girl
on the train,
559
00:26:26,129 --> 00:26:28,179
and I texted her, "What's up""
560
00:26:28,181 --> 00:26:31,099
She texted,
"Hey," exclamation point.
561
00:26:31,101 --> 00:26:33,852
Does that mean,
"Ask me out" or "Just..."
562
00:26:33,854 --> 00:26:38,306
Ted, we are responsible for
a whole other human life now,
563
00:26:38,308 --> 00:26:43,261
so new rule: You can't come
to us with any issue unless
564
00:26:43,286 --> 00:26:44,313
it's an "8" or higher.
565
00:26:44,314 --> 00:26:45,647
Got it.
566
00:26:45,649 --> 00:26:48,733
So I'm thinking of texting
back a winky smiley face.
567
00:26:48,735 --> 00:26:50,568
Eight or higher, bro.
568
00:26:50,570 --> 00:26:51,569
Well, no, what should I--
569
00:26:51,571 --> 00:26:52,821
Eight or higher, bro.
570
00:26:52,823 --> 00:26:54,155
No, yeah,
I'm just wondering if--
571
00:26:54,157 --> 00:26:55,907
Eight or higher, bro.
572
00:26:55,909 --> 00:26:57,826
Well, where do you rate this?
573
00:26:57,828 --> 00:27:01,246
This is the same as what's in
little Marvin's pants right now:
574
00:27:01,248 --> 00:27:03,064
a soft two.
575
00:27:05,868 --> 00:27:07,552
Sorry, bro.
576
00:27:07,554 --> 00:27:10,939
Stop texting the bimbo
and call Victoria.
577
00:27:10,941 --> 00:27:12,257
That chapter's over.
578
00:27:12,259 --> 00:27:14,125
W-We just weren't destined
to be together.
579
00:27:14,127 --> 00:27:19,314
"Destined." Aren't you tired
of waiting for destiny, Ted?
580
00:27:19,316 --> 00:27:22,300
Isn't it time
to make your own destiny?
581
00:27:23,769 --> 00:27:25,136
Hey, false alarm.
582
00:27:25,138 --> 00:27:27,939
What I was smelling was
the previous poop,
583
00:27:27,941 --> 00:27:31,014
which, apparently, is
still somewhere on my
584
00:27:31,039 --> 00:27:33,039
clothes and/or in my hair.
585
00:27:33,979 --> 00:27:36,247
Hold him, would you?
Oh. Here.
586
00:27:38,951 --> 00:27:40,702
Ooh.
Yeah, smart.
587
00:27:42,322 --> 00:27:46,908
Oh, sure, that one
turns out great. Ugh.
588
00:27:46,910 --> 00:27:49,761
- And then another thought popped-
589
00:27:49,763 --> 00:27:52,997
That guy's nowhere
near being a dad.
590
00:27:58,838 --> 00:28:00,171
Hello?
591
00:28:00,173 --> 00:28:03,358
Hey, Victoria, it's Ted.
592
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:05,276
Um, listen, I was just wondering
593
00:28:05,278 --> 00:28:08,513
if you wanted to catch up
sometime; it's been a while.
594
00:28:08,515 --> 00:28:09,814
That sounds nice.
595
00:28:09,816 --> 00:28:12,450
I'm actually around
this afternoon.
596
00:28:12,452 --> 00:28:15,453
Oh, wow, uh, great.
597
00:28:15,455 --> 00:28:17,238
MacLaren's at 2:00?
598
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,040
Is 1:30 okay?
599
00:28:19,042 --> 00:28:20,658
I might have a thing later.
600
00:28:20,660 --> 00:28:23,027
Yeah. Yeah. See you then.
601
00:28:23,029 --> 00:28:24,546
See you then.
602
00:28:24,548 --> 00:28:27,415
Meanwhile, Barney
and Quinn were off to Hawaii
603
00:28:27,417 --> 00:28:29,534
for their first getaway
as a couple.
604
00:28:29,536 --> 00:28:31,753
Ma'am, I need you
to open your suitcase.
605
00:28:31,755 --> 00:28:33,154
It's mine.
606
00:28:33,156 --> 00:28:35,423
Did you have
to replace my luggage, too?
607
00:28:35,425 --> 00:28:38,726
Run away on me again, you'll
be wearing hot pink stilettos.
608
00:28:38,728 --> 00:28:41,179
What's that?
609
00:28:41,181 --> 00:28:42,230
Yeah, what is that?
610
00:28:42,232 --> 00:28:44,065
It's a magic trick.
611
00:28:44,067 --> 00:28:46,717
You see, I'm something
of a magician.
612
00:28:46,719 --> 00:28:47,718
Open the box, sir.
613
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,104
Oh, I can't do that.
614
00:28:52,392 --> 00:28:54,042
Sir, are there drugs
in that box?
615
00:28:54,044 --> 00:28:56,194
Oh, no. He's probably
just barking
616
00:28:56,196 --> 00:28:57,495
because of the explosives.
617
00:28:57,497 --> 00:28:59,831
Oh, my God!
618
00:28:59,833 --> 00:29:01,966
Tell us what's
in the box right now!
619
00:29:01,968 --> 00:29:03,284
I can't.
620
00:29:03,286 --> 00:29:05,687
Magician's Code.
621
00:29:06,956 --> 00:29:10,625
Okay, I need to figure out
if Victoria ever got engaged.
622
00:29:10,627 --> 00:29:14,579
I'll have to very subtly
check for an engagement ring.
623
00:29:16,248 --> 00:29:19,384
Hmm, can't see the left hand.
624
00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:26,125
Open the box now!
625
00:29:26,810 --> 00:29:28,360
I can't.
626
00:29:28,362 --> 00:29:29,611
Magician's Code.
627
00:29:29,613 --> 00:29:32,531
What the hell is
the Magician's Code?!
628
00:29:32,533 --> 00:29:35,050
"A magician never
reveals his tricks."
629
00:29:35,052 --> 00:29:37,035
Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor
630
00:29:37,037 --> 00:29:39,705
from the hallowed
Staten Island Mall Magic Shop,
631
00:29:39,707 --> 00:29:42,074
taught me the importance
of the Code
632
00:29:42,076 --> 00:29:44,242
one fateful autumn
night in 1993.
633
00:29:44,244 --> 00:29:46,118
Always good to tell
a long story while people
634
00:29:46,143 --> 00:29:47,664
are aiming guns at you.
635
00:29:47,665 --> 00:29:50,782
'Twas a night which
would changed my life...
636
00:29:53,053 --> 00:29:55,754
Hello? Mr. Flanagan.
637
00:29:55,756 --> 00:29:58,473
Wh-What are you doing here?
638
00:29:58,475 --> 00:30:01,677
Um...
I'm checking up on you.
639
00:30:01,679 --> 00:30:04,980
Just to make sure
you're practicing your craft
640
00:30:04,982 --> 00:30:06,231
or whatever.
641
00:30:06,233 --> 00:30:08,850
That is an honor, sir.
642
00:30:08,852 --> 00:30:11,486
And yeah, I promise,
I'm practicing.
643
00:30:11,488 --> 00:30:12,854
But wait.
644
00:30:12,856 --> 00:30:14,990
Why were you, why were you
going in my mom's room?
645
00:30:14,992 --> 00:30:18,193
Uh... your mom's actually
helping me with a new trick.
646
00:30:18,195 --> 00:30:19,945
That is so cool!
647
00:30:19,947 --> 00:30:21,146
What is this trick?
648
00:30:21,148 --> 00:30:22,497
Is it sawing a lady in half?
649
00:30:23,917 --> 00:30:25,283
Well, not sawing.
650
00:30:25,285 --> 00:30:26,485
But actually,
651
00:30:26,487 --> 00:30:27,786
the Magician's Code forbids me
652
00:30:27,788 --> 00:30:30,488
from telling you anything else
about the trick.
653
00:30:30,490 --> 00:30:32,958
Wayne, come back to bed!
654
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:34,876
Okay, it involves a bed.
655
00:30:34,878 --> 00:30:38,013
W-W-Wait. Can
you at least
656
00:30:38,015 --> 00:30:39,648
tell me the name of this trick?
657
00:30:39,650 --> 00:30:42,000
Sure, kid.
658
00:30:42,002 --> 00:30:43,351
It's called--
659
00:30:43,353 --> 00:30:45,487
The Disappearing Salami.
660
00:30:46,505 --> 00:30:48,590
Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him
661
00:30:48,592 --> 00:30:51,493
before he could ever tell me
what the trick was.
662
00:30:51,495 --> 00:30:52,915
Yeah, that guy was
banging your mom.
663
00:30:52,989 --> 00:30:53,812
Yup.
664
00:30:53,814 --> 00:30:54,946
Totally.
665
00:30:54,948 --> 00:30:57,032
Mr. Flanagan was not ban--
666
00:30:57,034 --> 00:30:59,034
Oh, my God, he was.
667
00:30:59,036 --> 00:31:02,370
Wait, why are you bringing
a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?
668
00:31:02,372 --> 00:31:05,824
I was hoping to shoot up
to Honolulu
669
00:31:05,826 --> 00:31:07,793
for the Worldwide
Magic Convention.
670
00:31:07,795 --> 00:31:09,694
Don't worry. You'll
notice I was gone.
671
00:31:09,696 --> 00:31:11,696
It's only three
14-hour days.
672
00:31:11,698 --> 00:31:13,381
So on our romantic getaway
673
00:31:13,383 --> 00:31:16,134
to help me forget about
you skipping town on me,
674
00:31:16,136 --> 00:31:17,836
you're skipping town on me?!
675
00:31:17,838 --> 00:31:21,372
Look Quinn, you're
very important to me,
676
00:31:21,374 --> 00:31:26,544
but you're sharing my heart
with an equally important Miss.
677
00:31:26,546 --> 00:31:30,482
Miss...
678
00:31:30,484 --> 00:31:32,484
Direction.
679
00:31:32,486 --> 00:31:33,652
What?
680
00:31:34,821 --> 00:31:35,821
H...
681
00:31:35,823 --> 00:31:37,572
Shoot him.
682
00:31:37,574 --> 00:31:40,225
So what did you order?
683
00:31:40,227 --> 00:31:42,611
Oh, just black coffee.
684
00:31:42,613 --> 00:31:43,829
I like it that way, too.
685
00:31:43,831 --> 00:31:45,413
Yeah, it just tastes
better to me.
686
00:31:45,415 --> 00:31:47,199
I find that if the coffee beans
are good enough,
687
00:31:47,201 --> 00:31:49,901
you really don't need--
Why are you in a wedding dress?!
688
00:31:49,903 --> 00:31:53,404
Well, I'm sort of supposed to...
689
00:31:53,406 --> 00:31:56,124
get married today.
690
00:31:56,126 --> 00:31:57,742
All your friends and family
are waiting for you
691
00:31:57,744 --> 00:31:58,927
in some church right now?
692
00:31:58,929 --> 00:32:02,631
Well, not all; we had
five last-minute no-shows.
693
00:32:02,633 --> 00:32:04,082
Well... six.
694
00:32:05,301 --> 00:32:06,885
Mazel tov, Ted.
695
00:32:06,887 --> 00:32:09,387
I was starting to think
this would never happen.
696
00:32:09,389 --> 00:32:10,472
Oh, no, Mrs. Matsen--
697
00:32:10,474 --> 00:32:12,390
I told
you he wasn't gay.
698
00:32:12,392 --> 00:32:14,092
Wait, what?
699
00:32:15,862 --> 00:32:17,979
I was tempted to leave Klaus
for you last fall.
700
00:32:17,981 --> 00:32:21,316
The only thing holding me back
was the Robin of it all.
701
00:32:21,318 --> 00:32:24,435
I know, and you were right,
but... but that's all over now.
702
00:32:24,437 --> 00:32:27,906
She moved out-- I mean, we're
still friends, but that's over.
703
00:32:27,908 --> 00:32:31,726
All these years, I never stopped
thinking about you, Ted.
704
00:32:32,745 --> 00:32:34,663
I've got a car outside
705
00:32:34,665 --> 00:32:38,300
if you're ready to drive off
into the sunset together.
706
00:32:39,669 --> 00:32:43,004
But if you don't feel
the same way,
707
00:32:43,006 --> 00:32:45,957
if you've closed the door on us,
708
00:32:45,959 --> 00:32:47,676
just say the word...
709
00:32:47,678 --> 00:32:49,227
and I'll go.
710
00:32:50,763 --> 00:32:52,097
Barney, tell them the trick.
711
00:32:52,099 --> 00:32:54,733
The only person I could possibly
reveal the trick to
712
00:32:54,735 --> 00:32:55,767
is another magician.
713
00:32:55,769 --> 00:32:59,304
Well, I'm a magician.
714
00:32:59,306 --> 00:33:01,072
Prove it.
715
00:33:07,479 --> 00:33:08,530
Whoo-hoo!
716
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,341
That's Barney's version.
717
00:33:19,343 --> 00:33:21,343
Quinn said it was
a simple card trick.
718
00:33:21,345 --> 00:33:24,012
Who's to say which
version was true?
719
00:33:24,014 --> 00:33:25,847
Quinn's.
Quinn's version was true.
720
00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:29,017
Okay.
721
00:33:29,019 --> 00:33:31,219
I'll tell you.
722
00:33:33,289 --> 00:33:36,024
Oh, that's really cool.
723
00:33:36,976 --> 00:33:38,777
So what's the trick?
724
00:33:38,779 --> 00:33:40,829
I can't say.
Magician's Code.
725
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,681
Ta-da...
726
00:33:43,683 --> 00:33:45,984
da-da-da-da-da-da.
727
00:33:47,904 --> 00:33:48,904
Hello.
728
00:33:48,906 --> 00:33:51,623
Why did you make me
call Victoria?
729
00:33:51,625 --> 00:33:53,208
She's here in a wedding dress.
730
00:33:53,210 --> 00:33:55,543
I'm the verge of
ruining a wedding!
731
00:33:55,545 --> 00:33:56,912
And Mrs. Madsen's friend
thinks I'm gay,
732
00:33:56,914 --> 00:33:58,496
but let's put a pin
in that till later.
733
00:33:58,498 --> 00:34:00,665
Oh, my God.
Victoria's at the bar with Ted.
734
00:34:00,667 --> 00:34:02,167
That's a seven.
735
00:34:02,169 --> 00:34:03,802
And she's in a wedding dress.
736
00:34:04,670 --> 00:34:05,720
That's a ten.
737
00:34:05,722 --> 00:34:07,889
We got a ten!
738
00:34:09,041 --> 00:34:11,209
What are you gonna do?
Where is she right now?
739
00:34:11,211 --> 00:34:12,677
So this dress, what's the cut?
740
00:34:12,679 --> 00:34:14,763
Are we talking princess,
ball gown, column?
741
00:34:14,765 --> 00:34:18,266
Right, 'cause it's a federal
crime to love weddings.
742
00:34:18,268 --> 00:34:19,768
She's in the bathroom,
which I guess
743
00:34:19,770 --> 00:34:22,487
takes forever with that
giant poufy skirt thing.
744
00:34:22,489 --> 00:34:24,739
Ball gown. Thank you.
745
00:34:24,741 --> 00:34:25,824
Four shots of tequila.
746
00:34:25,826 --> 00:34:27,242
Ted, calm down.
747
00:34:27,244 --> 00:34:29,160
Or not. This is your chance
to get the one who got away.
748
00:34:29,162 --> 00:34:30,695
You want her,
she wants you,
749
00:34:30,697 --> 00:34:32,080
what's the problem?
750
00:34:32,082 --> 00:34:34,666
The problem is Victoria's in
the middle of a giant freak-out.
751
00:34:34,668 --> 00:34:36,734
What if she winds up
regretting this decision?
752
00:34:36,736 --> 00:34:38,753
She's going after Ted Mosby.
753
00:34:38,755 --> 00:34:40,939
That's the best decision
she's ever made.
754
00:34:40,941 --> 00:34:42,757
There you go.
755
00:34:47,997 --> 00:34:50,281
Whoa. What was that?
What?
756
00:34:50,283 --> 00:34:52,684
You said you wanted a picture
of Baby Marvin's first outing.
757
00:34:53,552 --> 00:34:56,187
Our baby's first outing
758
00:34:56,189 --> 00:34:57,422
was to a bar.
759
00:34:58,525 --> 00:35:01,226
I dribble Cuervo
on Marv's soft spot.
760
00:35:01,228 --> 00:35:02,027
Here she comes! Quick!
761
00:35:02,029 --> 00:35:03,428
Oh, yeah.
762
00:35:03,430 --> 00:35:04,762
Eggshell or cream?
763
00:35:04,764 --> 00:35:06,948
Is it eggshell or cream?
764
00:35:08,434 --> 00:35:09,401
So.
765
00:35:09,403 --> 00:35:12,988
You... me...
riding off into the sunset.
766
00:35:12,990 --> 00:35:14,772
Any thoughts?
767
00:35:15,607 --> 00:35:17,058
One question:
768
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,294
FDR or Westside Highway,
769
00:35:19,296 --> 00:35:21,046
what's the quickest
way to the sunset?
770
00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:27,802
Man, I wind up in
these rooms a lot.
771
00:35:27,804 --> 00:35:30,722
If we miss Hawaii because of
this, guess who's not doing
772
00:35:30,724 --> 00:35:32,957
The Disappearing Salami
anytime soon?
773
00:35:33,792 --> 00:35:36,728
I need to ask you both
a few questions.
774
00:35:36,730 --> 00:35:38,129
Let's start with you.
775
00:35:38,131 --> 00:35:39,130
Name?
776
00:35:39,132 --> 00:35:40,398
Quinn Garvey.
777
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:41,483
Occupation?
778
00:35:41,485 --> 00:35:43,101
Unemployed.
779
00:35:43,103 --> 00:35:44,436
Well, well, well.
780
00:35:44,438 --> 00:35:45,737
Look who's keeping secrets now.
781
00:35:45,739 --> 00:35:48,189
Sir, I'll tell you her
occupation: stripper.
782
00:35:48,191 --> 00:35:49,824
She insists she's proud of it,
783
00:35:49,826 --> 00:35:52,310
but apparently not
proud enough to tell you.
784
00:35:52,312 --> 00:35:55,914
Barney, I was going to surprise
you with this on our trip,
785
00:35:55,916 --> 00:35:58,433
but... I quit.
786
00:36:00,319 --> 00:36:02,587
You... did that for me?
787
00:36:02,589 --> 00:36:04,072
Yes.
788
00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:06,458
And now that you know
what I did for you,
789
00:36:06,460 --> 00:36:08,593
and how much I care for you,
790
00:36:08,595 --> 00:36:11,429
would you please
show him the trick?
791
00:36:15,834 --> 00:36:19,120
Sorry. Magician's Code.
792
00:36:23,342 --> 00:36:25,343
Where should we go?
793
00:36:25,345 --> 00:36:26,844
Your place?
794
00:36:26,846 --> 00:36:28,012
My place?
795
00:36:28,014 --> 00:36:29,347
We could go on my honeymoon.
796
00:36:30,850 --> 00:36:31,849
Just kidding.
797
00:36:31,851 --> 00:36:33,935
Although, it is paid for.
798
00:36:35,738 --> 00:36:37,705
I know where we should go.
Where?
799
00:36:37,707 --> 00:36:39,491
Your wedding.
800
00:36:39,493 --> 00:36:40,692
I'm taking you back.
801
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,789
I don't understand.
802
00:36:50,791 --> 00:36:52,090
I thought you wanted this.
803
00:36:52,092 --> 00:36:53,458
I do want this.
804
00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:56,311
I've thought about you
so many times.
805
00:36:56,313 --> 00:36:58,897
What might have been...
806
00:36:58,899 --> 00:37:01,966
But I got left at the altar,
and it nearly killed me.
807
00:37:03,436 --> 00:37:04,770
You're someone's fiancé,
808
00:37:04,772 --> 00:37:06,605
and I have to respect that.
809
00:37:07,657 --> 00:37:09,274
So let's hit a motel,
jam in a quickie,
810
00:37:09,276 --> 00:37:10,308
and get you back
to your wedding.
811
00:37:11,362 --> 00:37:13,578
It's the right thing to do.
812
00:37:14,497 --> 00:37:16,531
Some part of me
needed to hear you say
813
00:37:16,533 --> 00:37:18,500
that running away together
wasn't an option.
814
00:37:18,502 --> 00:37:21,036
And now that I know that...
815
00:37:21,038 --> 00:37:23,255
it's like I'm sobering up.
816
00:37:26,259 --> 00:37:27,376
Is there any way
817
00:37:27,378 --> 00:37:29,928
that we can just pretend
this never happened?
818
00:37:31,764 --> 00:37:33,231
This never happened.
819
00:37:38,554 --> 00:37:41,340
Mr. Flanagan wasn't
banging my mom.
820
00:37:42,341 --> 00:37:44,342
Well.
821
00:37:44,344 --> 00:37:46,144
Your flight left.
822
00:37:46,146 --> 00:37:49,481
We need to hold Mr. Stinson
for further questioning.
823
00:37:49,483 --> 00:37:51,015
But you're free to go.
824
00:37:54,037 --> 00:37:55,754
Maybe I should.
825
00:37:56,622 --> 00:37:59,241
Wait!
826
00:38:00,159 --> 00:38:01,493
I'll show you the trick.
827
00:38:05,965 --> 00:38:08,366
Sir!
828
00:38:08,368 --> 00:38:10,001
May I please have
the silk handkerchief
829
00:38:10,003 --> 00:38:11,336
in your top left breast pocket?
830
00:38:11,338 --> 00:38:13,505
Well... I don't have...
831
00:38:25,852 --> 00:38:30,221
Sim salabi ma...
sim salabi ma...
832
00:38:32,993 --> 00:38:34,493
Relax, relax,
it's part of the trick.
833
00:38:34,495 --> 00:38:36,244
How did you get that
through the X-Ray machine?
834
00:38:36,246 --> 00:38:38,029
No questions from
the audience, please!
835
00:38:51,878 --> 00:38:52,844
What is that?
836
00:38:52,846 --> 00:38:54,012
Madam, may I please have
837
00:38:54,014 --> 00:38:55,914
the key on your necklace?
838
00:38:56,682 --> 00:38:57,682
Oh!
839
00:39:04,975 --> 00:39:06,391
Is that gonna explode?
840
00:39:06,393 --> 00:39:07,759
What?
841
00:39:11,782 --> 00:39:13,315
Ahem.
842
00:39:15,536 --> 00:39:17,819
What?
843
00:39:42,228 --> 00:39:44,629
Will you marry me?
844
00:39:46,399 --> 00:39:47,566
Yes.
845
00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:54,773
Come on, guys.
846
00:39:54,775 --> 00:39:57,726
We're losing the light
for Baby's Second First Outing.
847
00:40:08,020 --> 00:40:10,755
I hate to say it,
but Robin nailed it.
848
00:40:13,993 --> 00:40:16,327
Hey.
Guys, we've got something to tell you.
849
00:40:16,329 --> 00:40:18,046
Eight or higher, bro.
850
00:40:18,048 --> 00:40:19,548
We're engaged.
851
00:40:19,550 --> 00:40:22,300
That's a... that's a ten.
852
00:40:22,302 --> 00:40:24,302
We got another ten!
853
00:40:24,304 --> 00:40:25,971
Oh...
Wow, big day!
854
00:40:25,973 --> 00:40:28,390
Congratulations!
Thank you.
855
00:40:28,392 --> 00:40:30,174
How did this happen?
856
00:40:30,176 --> 00:40:32,394
Oh... magic.
857
00:40:33,679 --> 00:40:34,896
Oh.
858
00:40:34,898 --> 00:40:36,281
Uh, not to ruin the moment,
859
00:40:36,283 --> 00:40:39,568
but apparently little Marvin
is quite stunned by the news.
860
00:40:39,570 --> 00:40:42,037
Well...
861
00:40:42,039 --> 00:40:43,371
Yeah. Wow.
Yeah.
862
00:40:43,373 --> 00:40:45,540
Do you guys mind
recounting this romantic tale
863
00:40:45,542 --> 00:40:46,958
next to a Diaper Genie?
864
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:52,030
Oh, Marvin, you're about to
hear your first love story!
865
00:40:52,032 --> 00:40:53,364
Once up on a time,
866
00:40:53,366 --> 00:40:56,585
this creepy magic dude
was boning Barney's mom...
867
00:41:02,258 --> 00:41:03,925
It's our last chance
to run away together.
868
00:41:03,927 --> 00:41:04,976
Door's right there.
869
00:41:04,978 --> 00:41:06,595
Yes, we'll start a new life.
870
00:41:06,597 --> 00:41:08,063
Head for the border!
Canada!
871
00:41:08,065 --> 00:41:10,015
Eh, Mexico.
Canada sucks.
872
00:41:10,017 --> 00:41:11,816
Okay, well,
you're one-quarter Canadian,
873
00:41:11,818 --> 00:41:13,652
so by that logic
you one-quarter suck.
874
00:41:13,654 --> 00:41:15,020
I'm 100% awesome
875
00:41:15,022 --> 00:41:16,521
and you know it.
876
00:41:17,389 --> 00:41:18,990
Yeah, I do.
877
00:41:22,913 --> 00:41:26,498
Look, I-I hope this isn't weird,
or anything, because...
878
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:28,366
Barney...
879
00:41:28,368 --> 00:41:30,869
I'm... I'm really happy for you.
880
00:41:30,871 --> 00:41:32,704
Really?
881
00:41:32,706 --> 00:41:34,372
? I listen to the wind ?
882
00:41:34,374 --> 00:41:35,257
Really.
883
00:41:35,259 --> 00:41:37,909
? To the wind of my soul ?
884
00:41:39,762 --> 00:41:41,245
? Where I'll end up
well I think ?
885
00:41:41,247 --> 00:41:45,150
? Only God really knows ?
886
00:41:47,270 --> 00:41:50,305
? I've sat upon ?
887
00:41:50,307 --> 00:41:51,806
? The setting sun ?
888
00:41:51,808 --> 00:41:54,609
? But never never never... ?
889
00:41:54,611 --> 00:41:56,778
You just drove
right by the church.
890
00:41:56,780 --> 00:41:58,596
I know.
891
00:41:58,598 --> 00:42:01,599
? I never wanted water once ?
892
00:42:01,601 --> 00:42:04,869
? No, never, never, never ?
893
00:42:12,378 --> 00:42:14,329
? I listen to my words ?
894
00:42:14,331 --> 00:42:16,865
? But they fall far below ?
895
00:42:16,867 --> 00:42:19,334
The road to this day has had
896
00:42:19,336 --> 00:42:20,952
a few twists and
turns, hasn't it?
897
00:42:20,954 --> 00:42:22,887
Yeah. Just a few.
898
00:42:22,889 --> 00:42:24,422
? My heart wants to go ?
899
00:42:24,424 --> 00:42:27,008
In a weird way, it all makes
sense, though, doesn't it?
900
00:42:27,010 --> 00:42:29,060
Yeah.
901
00:42:29,062 --> 00:42:30,345
Yeah, it kind of does.
902
00:42:30,347 --> 00:42:33,131
? ...the devil's lake ?
903
00:42:33,133 --> 00:42:35,317
? But never never ?
904
00:42:35,319 --> 00:42:37,185
? Never never ?
905
00:42:37,187 --> 00:42:39,303
The bride wants to see me?
906
00:42:39,305 --> 00:42:41,272
? No, never, never, never. ?
907
00:42:41,274 --> 00:42:45,274
== sync, corrected by elderman ==