1
00:00:05,609 --> 00:00:08,244
NARRATOR: Kids, Barney and Robin's
wedding turned out
2
00:00:08,246 --> 00:00:10,613
to be a life-changing weekend
for all of us.
3
00:00:10,615 --> 00:00:12,465
Well, not just us.
4
00:00:12,467 --> 00:00:14,200
One ticket to Farhampton,
please.
5
00:00:14,202 --> 00:00:16,002
NARRATOR:
But I'll get to that.
6
00:00:16,004 --> 00:00:17,337
(horn honks)
7
00:00:17,339 --> 00:00:19,722
Who are you honking at?
You.
8
00:00:19,724 --> 00:00:21,674
You're going 40 in a 65.
9
00:00:21,676 --> 00:00:23,793
Pick it up, Grandma!
10
00:00:23,795 --> 00:00:25,845
Look, I'm happy to rock it up
into the 50s,
11
00:00:25,847 --> 00:00:29,565
but I'm gonna need a hand...
or two.
12
00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:31,718
Oh, no. Not the driving gloves.
13
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,386
In 99.9% of highway accidents,
14
00:00:33,388 --> 00:00:35,722
the driver was not
wearing gloves.
15
00:00:35,724 --> 00:00:36,773
Because they're stupid.
16
00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,474
They don't help you
drive better.
17
00:00:38,476 --> 00:00:40,143
That's why no one wears them.
18
00:00:40,145 --> 00:00:43,429
Then why is it called...
the glove compartment?
19
00:00:43,431 --> 00:00:45,531
I am not
having this argument again.
20
00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:48,434
Now, as you know, a Mosby
road trip is not only safe,
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00:00:48,436 --> 00:00:49,385
but informative.
22
00:00:49,387 --> 00:00:51,521
Chiggedy-check it.
23
00:00:51,523 --> 00:00:53,489
Manhattan to Farhampton:
24
00:00:53,491 --> 00:00:56,909
Lil' and Ted's
Excellent Adventure?
25
00:00:56,911 --> 00:00:58,745
That baby's stuffed to the rings
with fun facts
26
00:00:58,747 --> 00:01:01,047
about our unsung neighbor
to the east-- Long Island.
27
00:01:01,049 --> 00:01:03,466
For instance, just up
ahead, the historic
28
00:01:03,468 --> 00:01:05,668
childhood home of
Florian van Otterloop,
29
00:01:05,670 --> 00:01:06,886
the Dutch bucklesmith
30
00:01:06,888 --> 00:01:08,888
who revolutionized
the belt industry.
31
00:01:08,890 --> 00:01:10,923
Uh, fun story
about that color-blind genius.
32
00:01:10,925 --> 00:01:12,458
When he...
Please stop!
33
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:15,061
Well, I was just gonna
slow down for pictures,
34
00:01:15,063 --> 00:01:18,398
but that level of enthusiasm
can't go unrewarded.
35
00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:25,689
? How I Met Your Mother 9x01 ?
The Locket
Original Air Date on September 23, 2013
36
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:30,690
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
37
00:01:35,199 --> 00:01:37,116
(phone chimes)
Hmm.
38
00:01:37,118 --> 00:01:39,502
Oh, look at my
little cousins
39
00:01:39,504 --> 00:01:41,354
in their flower
girl dresses.
40
00:01:41,356 --> 00:01:43,690
Aw, they'll look so cute
next to the ring bear.
41
00:01:43,692 --> 00:01:44,841
Yeah.
42
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:48,127
Wait, you said
ring bear-er, right?
43
00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:49,962
Ring bear.
44
00:01:49,964 --> 00:01:51,581
Ring bear-er.
45
00:01:51,583 --> 00:01:53,332
Ring bear.
46
00:01:53,334 --> 00:01:55,468
Are you planning
some crazy stunt
47
00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:57,970
with a dangerous wild animal
at our wedding?
48
00:01:57,972 --> 00:01:59,188
(phone chirps)
Because...
49
00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,723
Oh, oh, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.
50
00:02:00,725 --> 00:02:02,058
Oh, boy.
51
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:03,226
My brother wants to know
52
00:02:03,228 --> 00:02:05,778
what time he "goes on"
at the reception.
53
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,113
What does that mean?
54
00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:11,434
Every wedding he attends,
James insists on... performing.
55
00:02:11,436 --> 00:02:13,519
? Islands in the stream
56
00:02:13,521 --> 00:02:15,621
? That is what we are
57
00:02:15,623 --> 00:02:18,074
? No one in between...
58
00:02:18,076 --> 00:02:19,726
So? What do you got
against K-Rodge?
59
00:02:19,728 --> 00:02:21,227
Everybody loves
The Gambler.
60
00:02:21,229 --> 00:02:22,995
Wait for it.
61
00:02:22,997 --> 00:02:25,515
? How can we be wrong?
62
00:02:25,517 --> 00:02:29,802
? Sail away with me
to another world ?
63
00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:34,390
? And we rely
on each other, uh-huh! ?
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00:02:34,392 --> 00:02:36,092
That is nothing.
65
00:02:36,094 --> 00:02:39,078
I have invited Scherbatskys
from all over Canada,
66
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,513
and they are Canuckin' nuts.
67
00:02:40,515 --> 00:02:42,849
Like my cousin Ruth
from the Yukon.
68
00:02:42,851 --> 00:02:45,351
I don't like to encourage
Canadian stereotypes,
69
00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:48,604
but that woman
practically rides a moose.
70
00:02:48,606 --> 00:02:50,222
(laughs)
71
00:02:50,224 --> 00:02:51,657
Does she actually ride a moose?
72
00:02:51,659 --> 00:02:52,692
Yeah.
73
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:54,110
And, uh,
74
00:02:54,112 --> 00:02:56,312
I'm worried she'll bring it
to the wedding.
75
00:02:56,314 --> 00:03:00,333
She and the moose are...
very close.
76
00:03:01,385 --> 00:03:03,102
Whoa.
77
00:03:03,104 --> 00:03:06,489
Every wedding's got a wild card,
but we've invited a whole set.
78
00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:08,791
(accordion playing
"Wedding March")
79
00:03:15,232 --> 00:03:17,366
Someone is gonna
ruin this wedding.
80
00:03:17,368 --> 00:03:21,370
It's just a question
of... who.
81
00:03:21,372 --> 00:03:24,123
I'm gonna ruin this wedding!
82
00:03:24,125 --> 00:03:25,641
My wife is
gonna kill me!
83
00:03:25,643 --> 00:03:27,760
PILOT: Flight attendants
prepare for departure.
84
00:03:27,762 --> 00:03:30,163
We were gonna move to
Italy for her dream job,
85
00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:32,431
so I brought my son
here to Minnesota
86
00:03:32,433 --> 00:03:34,934
to see my mom
before we left.
87
00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:38,805
And then I got offered
a job as a judge
88
00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:41,324
in New York City,
which is my dream.
89
00:03:42,559 --> 00:03:44,210
But that'll totally
destroy her dream!
90
00:03:44,212 --> 00:03:46,746
You are destroying
a lot of dreams right now.
91
00:03:47,965 --> 00:03:50,166
(phone chimes)
92
00:03:54,271 --> 00:03:56,973
(chuckles)
93
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,091
Wait.
94
00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:01,260
If I got this...
95
00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:05,765
(phone chimes)
96
00:04:07,518 --> 00:04:08,851
(sighs)
97
00:04:08,853 --> 00:04:10,069
Aren't you gonna
check that?
98
00:04:10,071 --> 00:04:11,571
No.
99
00:04:11,573 --> 00:04:13,639
It-It's just another
obnoxious update
100
00:04:13,641 --> 00:04:14,657
from Marshall's mom.
101
00:04:14,659 --> 00:04:15,658
She's been posting
102
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:18,327
these "cute" baby pics
of Marvin,
103
00:04:18,329 --> 00:04:20,830
but it's all just propaganda.
104
00:04:20,832 --> 00:04:22,832
First, it was
"Don't move to Italy."
105
00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:26,302
Followed by an extremely subtle
guilt trip.
106
00:04:29,039 --> 00:04:32,074
And then, randomly preachy.
107
00:04:32,076 --> 00:04:33,426
Nah, not looking.
108
00:04:33,428 --> 00:04:34,977
It's just gonna piss me off.
109
00:04:34,979 --> 00:04:36,712
Why are we exiting again?
110
00:04:36,714 --> 00:04:38,047
Well, if you turn in your binder
111
00:04:38,049 --> 00:04:39,849
to the section labeled
"Mennonite Windmills..."
112
00:04:39,851 --> 00:04:41,300
Get back on the expressway now.
113
00:04:41,302 --> 00:04:42,351
(scoffs)
114
00:04:42,353 --> 00:04:45,104
The expressway's
for gloveless amateurs.
115
00:04:45,106 --> 00:04:46,389
I'm done.
116
00:04:46,391 --> 00:04:48,040
There's a train station
coming up; just drop me off.
117
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:50,192
Okay, but some newfangled
train's not gonna stop
118
00:04:50,194 --> 00:04:52,428
at the 40-foot-tall
butter churn in Ronkonkoma!
119
00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:55,848
Yes, but unlike any of
your 18th-century stops,
120
00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:59,184
at least the train will have
a 21st-century toilet!
121
00:04:59,186 --> 00:05:00,820
You're a 21st-century toilet!
122
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:01,821
(gasps)
123
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:02,788
Train now!
124
00:05:02,790 --> 00:05:04,624
Fine!
125
00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:07,710
Okay, so far,
I've got 12 wild cards,
126
00:05:07,712 --> 00:05:09,028
not counting the ring bear.
127
00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:10,129
Ring bear-er.
128
00:05:10,131 --> 00:05:11,447
Oh, oh, here's another one.
129
00:05:11,449 --> 00:05:13,866
You know how I found out
that I'm one-quarter Canadian
130
00:05:13,868 --> 00:05:15,217
but I've completely
blocked that out
131
00:05:15,219 --> 00:05:16,819
because your nation's ridiculous
and I'm awesome?
132
00:05:16,821 --> 00:05:17,887
Sure.
133
00:05:17,889 --> 00:05:20,039
Well, turns out,
I have a crazy cousin Mitch
134
00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:21,390
on that side of the family.
135
00:05:21,392 --> 00:05:22,341
That's funny.
136
00:05:22,343 --> 00:05:24,043
I have a crazy
cousin Mitch, too.
137
00:05:24,045 --> 00:05:26,012
But I guarantee
he is crazier than yours.
138
00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:28,514
He built his own house
from timber he chopped down
139
00:05:28,516 --> 00:05:30,149
from other people's houses.
140
00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:31,601
That's funny.
141
00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:33,269
My cousin Mitch
is a lumberjack.
142
00:05:33,271 --> 00:05:35,905
Except mine has six fingers.
143
00:05:35,907 --> 00:05:37,156
On one hand or total?
144
00:05:37,158 --> 00:05:38,524
Total.
145
00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:41,310
Are truckers always
beating him up?
146
00:05:41,312 --> 00:05:43,195
Yes, because he has to...
147
00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:44,330
BOTH: ...hitchhike
with his middle finger.
148
00:05:44,332 --> 00:05:46,983
Wait.
149
00:05:46,985 --> 00:05:49,585
Is it possible that we're...
150
00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:54,624
Could... c-could...
could we be...?
151
00:05:54,626 --> 00:05:56,125
Shh...
152
00:05:58,929 --> 00:06:01,597
Ranjit, could you be a dear
and pull over for a second?
153
00:06:01,599 --> 00:06:04,249
Pulling over!
154
00:06:04,251 --> 00:06:06,435
(both chuckle weakly)
155
00:06:09,139 --> 00:06:11,190
(both retching)
156
00:06:11,192 --> 00:06:12,808
All right, train.
157
00:06:12,810 --> 00:06:16,028
Let's show your critics you're
not just a Dumpster on wheels
158
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:17,596
full of drunk idiots.
159
00:06:17,598 --> 00:06:19,882
CONDUCTOR:
We're being held at this station
160
00:06:19,884 --> 00:06:21,350
until further notice.
161
00:06:21,352 --> 00:06:23,569
I got to sober up.
162
00:06:34,109 --> 00:06:35,009
(phone ringing)
163
00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:37,177
Eriksen residence,
Judy speaking.
164
00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:38,729
Why did you post
that judge photo?
165
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,314
Because I'm guilty...
166
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,467
of being one proud mama!
167
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,185
Lily doesn't know
that I took the job,
168
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,820
so if she sees it,
I'm dead.
169
00:06:46,822 --> 00:06:47,921
Just take it down, okay?
170
00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:48,956
Fine.
171
00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:51,542
Let me just get on the online
172
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:52,976
so I can Internet.
173
00:06:52,978 --> 00:06:55,579
I love the lingo!
174
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,548
(modem screeching)
175
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,116
Look, Mom,
just-just...
176
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,001
click on the photo
on your wall,
177
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,871
and then under "menu""
click on "options""
178
00:07:03,873 --> 00:07:06,373
Some kind of advertisement
popped on.
179
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:07,841
Oh, my.
180
00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:10,461
That appears to be pornography.
181
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,563
Just click
on "options""
182
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,099
(whispering):
It's men with other men.
183
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,266
(whispering loudly):
Just click on "options"!
184
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:17,334
Excuse me!
185
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:19,119
Are there any other seats
left on this plane?
186
00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:20,120
No.
187
00:07:20,122 --> 00:07:21,388
Hell, I've been
going to Pilates.
188
00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:23,524
I can just hang on
to the landing gear like this.
189
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,541
Sorry, ma'am.
190
00:07:24,543 --> 00:07:26,527
I only signed up for Pilates,
191
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,196
I haven't actually
started going yet.
192
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,281
I didn't sign up.
193
00:07:33,151 --> 00:07:34,535
LILY:
No, I'm not looking.
194
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:37,571
I don't need to see
my child used against me.
195
00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:41,542
My sweet, beautiful child
who I haven't seen in a week...
196
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:45,295
whose head smells like love
and unicorn teardrops,
197
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:47,364
and why are trains
so lonely?!
198
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,382
Damn it, I'm looking!
199
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:49,666
WOMAN:
Hey, are you okay?
200
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:51,385
You look stressed.
201
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:52,469
Plus, you muttered
202
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,720
a few words out loud.
203
00:07:53,722 --> 00:07:55,705
I heard "lonely" and "unicorn,"
204
00:07:55,707 --> 00:07:57,341
which actually gave me
a great idea
205
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,876
for a children's book,
so thank you.
206
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:01,545
Are you okay?
207
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,063
No.
208
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,982
But there's nothing you can do.
209
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,066
Do you want a cookie?
210
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,717
(crying):
Yes.
211
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:08,902
Yes, I do.
212
00:08:08,904 --> 00:08:10,154
Wow.
213
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,355
You just took a cookie
214
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:12,990
from a complete stranger
on a train.
215
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,191
I like how trusting you are.
216
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:16,160
There could be drugs
or poison in there.
217
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,811
But there's not, is there?
218
00:08:17,813 --> 00:08:19,229
No idea,
I found them under my seat.
219
00:08:19,231 --> 00:08:20,447
No!
220
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:21,748
Kidding! Sorry!
221
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,951
You looked stressed, so I
thought you could use a cookie,
222
00:08:23,953 --> 00:08:25,586
then I thought
you could use a joke.
223
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,254
I should have stopped
at the cookie.
224
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:28,288
You know what?
225
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,207
I don't care
if these are poisoned.
226
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:31,842
There's chocolate
and peanut butter
227
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,510
and caramel in these sumbitches.
228
00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:35,912
I call them "Sumbitches"!
229
00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:36,930
(laughing)
230
00:08:36,932 --> 00:08:38,048
NARRATOR:
And that's how Lily
231
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,749
met your mother.
232
00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:42,919
Are Cousin Mitch and I
directly related?
233
00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:44,438
No, Mom, I'm asking
234
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,523
is Cousin Mitch
a blood relative?
235
00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:47,891
I'm not asking
about Cousin Pete,
236
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:49,276
I'm asking about Cousin Robin!
237
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,310
Mitch!
238
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:51,395
Cousin Mitch!
239
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:52,696
Well, just find out
from Uncle Frank
240
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,697
and call me back!
241
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,399
Well, then, go
visit Cousin Cecil
242
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:57,568
at his sky-diving school
and ask him!
243
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:00,287
Oh, God, he did?
244
00:09:01,222 --> 00:09:02,489
Well, I guess that can happen
245
00:09:02,491 --> 00:09:04,074
no matter
how experienced you are.
246
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:05,959
I'm so sorry.
247
00:09:05,961 --> 00:09:09,329
(exhales)
248
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,497
got fired.
249
00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:11,781
(sighs):
Oh.
250
00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:16,978
That's a relief.
251
00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,764
Um... I'm so sorry
for your loss.
252
00:09:20,533 --> 00:09:24,035
It may be our loss.
253
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:25,937
(both shudder)
254
00:09:25,939 --> 00:09:27,972
Just click
on "options"!
255
00:09:27,974 --> 00:09:31,042
All I see is a man
holding a bratwurst!
256
00:09:31,044 --> 00:09:32,276
Oh.
257
00:09:32,278 --> 00:09:34,913
No, the pornography's back.
258
00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:36,948
I said, please turn off
all electronic devices.
259
00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,634
Oh. (laughs)
260
00:09:39,636 --> 00:09:41,970
This isn't an
electronic device.
261
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,788
This is actually a toy.
262
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,623
For my son.
263
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:48,009
We call it Phone-y.
(scoffs)
264
00:09:48,011 --> 00:09:49,894
I call you phony.
265
00:09:49,896 --> 00:09:53,131
We can't take off
till you hang up.
266
00:09:53,133 --> 00:09:54,933
Okay, enough.
Give me that phone!
267
00:09:54,935 --> 00:09:56,284
Just click
on "options""
268
00:09:56,286 --> 00:09:57,802
I don't see it!
269
00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:59,687
I said,
give me the phone!
270
00:09:59,689 --> 00:10:00,972
Just click
on "options"!
271
00:10:00,974 --> 00:10:02,524
Stop yelling at me!
272
00:10:02,526 --> 00:10:03,825
Just click
on "options""
273
00:10:03,827 --> 00:10:04,742
Give me the phone.
274
00:10:04,744 --> 00:10:05,944
Click on "options"!
275
00:10:05,946 --> 00:10:08,046
Click on...
I have a baby!
276
00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:10,148
Please, I-I have to get
to New York.
277
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:11,833
Yeah, well, you should
have thought about that
278
00:10:11,835 --> 00:10:12,867
before you attacked me.
279
00:10:12,869 --> 00:10:14,252
All right, boys,
you got this?
280
00:10:14,254 --> 00:10:15,537
Good.
281
00:10:15,539 --> 00:10:17,505
Let's get this bird in the air.
Ah, you're both
282
00:10:17,507 --> 00:10:19,007
banned from this flight.
283
00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:23,795
So I was driving with my
friend, who thinks he's
284
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,463
"The Road Trip Master."
285
00:10:25,465 --> 00:10:28,349
He has leather driving gloves.
286
00:10:28,351 --> 00:10:29,884
Who wears those?
287
00:10:29,886 --> 00:10:32,187
Huge dorks, that's who.
288
00:10:32,189 --> 00:10:33,438
NARRATOR:
Your mother was lying.
289
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,607
She had her own pair.
290
00:10:35,609 --> 00:10:36,858
And he always makes us stop
291
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:39,811
to see some weird
roadside attraction
292
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:43,181
no one except him
gives a crap about.
293
00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:44,549
Nerd alert.
294
00:10:44,551 --> 00:10:46,417
NARRATOR: Kids, you remember
the seven-hour detour
295
00:10:46,419 --> 00:10:47,952
on our road trip
to Disney World
296
00:10:47,954 --> 00:10:50,855
so your mother didn't miss
that goat in South Carolina
297
00:10:50,857 --> 00:10:52,407
who could blow smoke rings.
298
00:10:52,409 --> 00:10:56,861
And he won't go one mile an hour
over the speed limit.
299
00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:58,329
That would drive me crazy.
300
00:10:58,331 --> 00:11:01,416
I would give him
a humiliating nickname
301
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:04,035
until he stopped driving
like a little girl.
302
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,771
NARRATOR:
It was "Lady Tedwina Slowsby."
303
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:09,290
And it worked.
304
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:12,844
Okay, look, if it's
true, if we are...
305
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,212
(gags softly)
306
00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:15,597
You know.
307
00:11:15,599 --> 00:11:17,065
It's really not that big a deal.
308
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:18,816
Okay, we-we know
we won't have kids.
309
00:11:18,818 --> 00:11:20,151
And even if we did,
310
00:11:20,153 --> 00:11:22,070
King Joffrey's parents
were brother and sister,
311
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,738
and he was
a fair and wise leader.
312
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:26,441
Yeah. Look, no one
ever needs to know but us.
313
00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:27,075
Exactly.
314
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:28,243
(both chuckle)
315
00:11:28,245 --> 00:11:29,527
I know.
316
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:34,566
BARNEY:
We might have to...
317
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,734
ROBIN:
Take care of Ranjit.
318
00:11:36,736 --> 00:11:38,753
Hey, you just finished my...
319
00:11:38,755 --> 00:11:40,922
Creepy telepathic
murder thought.
320
00:11:40,924 --> 00:11:44,209
Oh, it must be
a soul mate thing.
321
00:11:44,211 --> 00:11:45,576
Unless...
322
00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:49,097
it's a weird cousin thing.
323
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:50,748
(gags softly)
324
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:53,384
So we'll be good
either way, right?
325
00:11:53,386 --> 00:11:54,919
Honey?
326
00:11:54,921 --> 00:11:58,606
That's right... sweetie.
327
00:11:58,608 --> 00:12:00,858
Now, get over here, you.
328
00:12:00,860 --> 00:12:04,562
Gah, just try
and stop me.
329
00:12:16,775 --> 00:12:17,909
Aw.
Ooh, ooh.
330
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,777
Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm.
331
00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:21,445
Well, I can't wait
till tonight.
332
00:12:21,447 --> 00:12:22,613
I have got some
333
00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:23,915
naughty-naughty-naughty
things planned.
334
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,049
Aw.
335
00:12:25,051 --> 00:12:27,669
Oh, wow, you have certainly
piqued my incest.
336
00:12:27,671 --> 00:12:29,053
Interest. Interest!
337
00:12:31,307 --> 00:12:34,425
I still can't believe he dragged
me to the childhood home
338
00:12:34,427 --> 00:12:37,712
of some stupid bucklesmith
no one's ever even heard of.
339
00:12:37,714 --> 00:12:40,148
Yeah, who cares
about Florian van Otterloop?
340
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,400
I never told you his name.
341
00:12:42,402 --> 00:12:43,718
Sumbitch?
342
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,604
I mean, why'd he have to
act that way?
343
00:12:46,606 --> 00:12:49,424
He knows I hate
how he gets on road trips.
344
00:12:49,426 --> 00:12:52,476
It almost seems like
he wanted you to storm off.
345
00:12:52,478 --> 00:12:54,329
But we're going
to the same place.
346
00:12:54,331 --> 00:12:57,282
There's no reason
why he'd want to ditch me.
347
00:12:57,284 --> 00:12:59,617
NARRATOR: And suddenly Lily remembered
that a week ago,
348
00:12:59,619 --> 00:13:02,220
I'd helped Robin look
for her long-lost locket.
349
00:13:02,222 --> 00:13:04,488
But it was gone.
350
00:13:08,377 --> 00:13:10,511
Then Lily told me
the locket actually got stashed
351
00:13:10,513 --> 00:13:13,214
in my pencil box,
but when I opened it...
352
00:13:13,216 --> 00:13:15,500
the locket wasn't there.
353
00:13:15,502 --> 00:13:16,801
Good.
354
00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:17,969
'Cause that locket's trouble.
355
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,137
How? It's-it's just a friendly,
356
00:13:19,139 --> 00:13:20,254
innocent wedding gift.
357
00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:21,255
It's not innocent.
358
00:13:21,257 --> 00:13:22,940
Ted, you think
359
00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:26,177
if you can get that locket
for Robin you'll win her back.
360
00:13:26,179 --> 00:13:29,047
Lily, I've let it go.
361
00:13:33,869 --> 00:13:35,536
I mean...
What?
362
00:13:35,538 --> 00:13:37,021
There's, like,
a one percent chance
363
00:13:37,023 --> 00:13:39,457
that Stella has the locket
from when we lived together.
364
00:13:39,459 --> 00:13:41,726
Promise me you didn't call
the woman who left you
365
00:13:41,728 --> 00:13:44,946
at the altar so that
you could find that locket.
366
00:13:44,948 --> 00:13:46,164
Of course not.
367
00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:47,382
I e-mailed her.
368
00:13:47,384 --> 00:13:48,466
Ted.
369
00:13:48,468 --> 00:13:49,717
But Stella's living
in L.A. now.
370
00:13:49,719 --> 00:13:50,718
And even if she has it,
371
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,053
it's buried
in some storage unit.
372
00:13:52,055 --> 00:13:53,554
She said I'd have
to fly out there
373
00:13:53,556 --> 00:13:55,173
and look for it myself.
374
00:13:55,175 --> 00:13:57,541
Promise me you aren't
about to do that.
375
00:13:57,543 --> 00:13:59,310
I promise.
376
00:14:00,062 --> 00:14:01,646
Sumbitch!
377
00:14:16,036 --> 00:14:18,851
You better hope when Sweaty
finally gets off that phone,
378
00:14:18,852 --> 00:14:21,103
he can get me on the next flight
to New York.
379
00:14:21,105 --> 00:14:23,288
I got the password
from my mom.
380
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,856
I'm gonna take that
photo down myself.
381
00:14:24,858 --> 00:14:26,908
You know, I don't give
a damn about your photo.
382
00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:29,394
My daughter is giving
a big speech for the Model U.N.
383
00:14:29,396 --> 00:14:31,997
at her school, and I'm
gonna miss it because of you.
384
00:14:32,715 --> 00:14:34,800
(sighs)
385
00:14:34,802 --> 00:14:37,335
Her father and I are separated.
386
00:14:37,337 --> 00:14:38,787
She lives with her dad.
387
00:14:39,639 --> 00:14:41,923
And if I don't make it...
388
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:44,876
she's never gonna
trust me again.
389
00:14:44,878 --> 00:14:46,995
I'm so sorry.
390
00:14:46,997 --> 00:14:48,814
Wow, that worked on you?
391
00:14:48,816 --> 00:14:51,516
Let's hope Pit Stains is
as dumb as you are.
392
00:14:51,518 --> 00:14:53,235
What? Why is this
so hard for my mom?
393
00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:54,269
All you do
394
00:14:54,271 --> 00:14:55,904
is you click the photo,
395
00:14:55,906 --> 00:14:57,939
and then you click on the...
396
00:14:57,941 --> 00:15:00,642
I don't see...
I don't see "options."
397
00:15:00,644 --> 00:15:03,028
Just click on "options."
398
00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:03,945
But where is it?
399
00:15:03,947 --> 00:15:05,063
Just click on "options."
400
00:15:05,065 --> 00:15:06,281
Is it up on the toolbar?
401
00:15:06,283 --> 00:15:08,283
Just click on "options."
It's not there!
402
00:15:08,285 --> 00:15:11,536
Just click on "options"!
403
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:15,073
(phone ringing)
404
00:15:15,075 --> 00:15:16,591
Hi, Grandma.
405
00:15:16,593 --> 00:15:19,177
You-you can explain how
Cousin Mitch is related to us?
406
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,146
Explain, Grandma, explain!
407
00:15:21,148 --> 00:15:22,964
Okay, he married
Barney's dad's cousin Renee,
408
00:15:22,966 --> 00:15:24,549
who he met selling Vachon cakes
409
00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:26,968
outside a curling bonspiel
in Chicoutimi.
410
00:15:26,970 --> 00:15:28,303
English, Grandma, English!
411
00:15:28,305 --> 00:15:30,939
And on our side of the family,
he was adopted
412
00:15:30,941 --> 00:15:32,774
because his real parents
were eaten alive
413
00:15:32,776 --> 00:15:33,859
by their sled dogs?
414
00:15:33,861 --> 00:15:36,094
That's awesome!
Thanks, Grandma.
415
00:15:36,096 --> 00:15:38,213
(both sigh)
416
00:15:38,215 --> 00:15:39,531
So...
417
00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:42,267
So you and I share
no DNA whatsoever.
418
00:15:42,269 --> 00:15:44,369
Let's change that.
419
00:15:44,371 --> 00:15:46,037
(both moaning)
420
00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:47,622
RANJIT:
Don't hold back.
421
00:15:47,624 --> 00:15:50,208
This divider is
totally soundproof.
422
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:53,545
Go all the way.
423
00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:55,130
Wait till the hotel?
424
00:15:55,132 --> 00:15:56,047
Totally.
425
00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:58,300
Hey, you know what?
426
00:15:58,302 --> 00:16:01,136
I'm not worried about a wild
card at our wedding anymore.
427
00:16:01,138 --> 00:16:03,672
Whether it's Uncle Vic
or Aunt Shelly
428
00:16:03,674 --> 00:16:04,723
or the ring bear.
429
00:16:04,725 --> 00:16:06,308
Ring bear-er. Er.
430
00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,593
Whether any
of those mammals go rogue,
431
00:16:08,595 --> 00:16:12,514
our wedding is
gonna be legendary.
432
00:16:13,316 --> 00:16:14,900
No "wait for it"?
433
00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:17,235
I've got you.
434
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:20,155
I don't have to
wait for it anymore.
435
00:16:25,695 --> 00:16:27,863
(phone ringing)
436
00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:34,603
(line ringing)
437
00:16:34,605 --> 00:16:35,921
It's a long story,
438
00:16:35,923 --> 00:16:38,173
but if we don't beat my friend
out to that wedding,
439
00:16:38,175 --> 00:16:39,341
it's gonna be bad.
440
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:41,960
This is too stressful.
I-I need to see Marvin!
441
00:16:41,962 --> 00:16:44,045
No! You made me promise
not to let you look,
442
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:45,547
because it's
only gonna upset you.
443
00:16:45,549 --> 00:16:48,717
Here, have another sum... bitch.
444
00:16:48,719 --> 00:16:51,803
No more sumbitches?!
445
00:16:51,805 --> 00:16:53,504
Give me the damn phone!
446
00:16:53,506 --> 00:16:54,923
(both scream)
447
00:16:54,925 --> 00:16:56,925
(clamoring) Just go to "edi""
on the toolbar!
448
00:16:56,927 --> 00:16:58,343
No, "account settings"!
449
00:16:58,345 --> 00:16:59,878
Just click
on "options""
450
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,363
Stop!
451
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:04,132
It can't be done.
452
00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:07,102
That photo is etched
in eternity.
453
00:17:07,104 --> 00:17:09,654
Long after humanity's
reign has ended,
454
00:17:09,656 --> 00:17:11,689
the only traces
of our civilization found
455
00:17:11,691 --> 00:17:13,358
by Earth's new ape masters
will be
456
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,327
the top
of the Statue of Liberty
457
00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:17,545
and this photo of me
pretending to be
458
00:17:17,547 --> 00:17:21,299
a judge with a banana gavel.
459
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:23,435
Well, they'll probably like
the banana thing.
460
00:17:23,437 --> 00:17:25,053
The ape masters?
461
00:17:26,138 --> 00:17:27,973
Sorry.
Lily's gonna see it,
462
00:17:27,975 --> 00:17:30,475
and we're gonna have
the biggest fight of our lives.
463
00:17:30,477 --> 00:17:33,895
(chuckles) Oh, I wish I could
see your wife kick your ass.
464
00:17:33,897 --> 00:17:36,398
I don't mean a physical fight.
465
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,465
She's not an animal.
466
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,901
I'm sorry I tried
to bite you.
467
00:17:39,903 --> 00:17:42,487
I'm sorry that I swatted you
on the nose
468
00:17:42,489 --> 00:17:43,738
with a rolled-up magazine.
469
00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,341
It's the only way I'll learn.
470
00:17:48,594 --> 00:17:52,497
Look, I haven't seen
my baby in a week.
471
00:17:52,499 --> 00:17:54,565
You know what?
472
00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:56,084
Go for it.
473
00:18:05,428 --> 00:18:06,778
It's gone!
474
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:08,463
It's gone!
(all cheering)
475
00:18:08,465 --> 00:18:09,580
You did it!
476
00:18:09,582 --> 00:18:12,583
You did it! (laughs)
477
00:18:13,769 --> 00:18:16,271
No new insulting Marvin photo.
478
00:18:16,273 --> 00:18:17,889
Hmm.
479
00:18:17,891 --> 00:18:22,644
(voice breaks):
No new insulting Marvin photo.
480
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:25,280
I know I'm just a stranger
on a train
481
00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:29,534
who you tried to bite, but...
do you want a hug?
482
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,589
(Lily yells)
483
00:18:51,591 --> 00:18:54,426
Lily! What the hell?!
484
00:18:57,063 --> 00:19:00,015
Ted and I had some
road trip issues.
485
00:19:00,017 --> 00:19:01,816
Did he put on the gloves?
Mm-hmm.
486
00:19:01,818 --> 00:19:03,468
That tackle was justified.
487
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:05,854
What's this?
It's for you.
488
00:19:05,856 --> 00:19:07,856
Don't open it.
489
00:19:10,976 --> 00:19:12,861
TED: With all
the big changes coming up,
490
00:19:12,863 --> 00:19:15,497
I just wanted Robin
to remember her friends.
491
00:19:15,499 --> 00:19:18,366
We all want nothing but
happiness for you and Barney.
492
00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:19,984
Right, Lily?
493
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:22,754
Right.
494
00:19:22,756 --> 00:19:24,923
Oh, wow.
495
00:19:24,925 --> 00:19:26,291
That was, what, eight years ago?
496
00:19:26,293 --> 00:19:27,325
Yeah.
497
00:19:27,327 --> 00:19:29,461
Eight years.
498
00:19:30,296 --> 00:19:32,380
Thanks, Ted.
499
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:40,688
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get checked in.
500
00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:44,476
Marshall's flight just took off.
501
00:19:44,478 --> 00:19:46,177
My boys will be here soon.
502
00:19:46,179 --> 00:19:47,729
Oh, yay.
503
00:19:47,731 --> 00:19:49,948
NARRATOR: Actually, Lily's boys were
just learning there was
504
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:52,801
only one more flight out
to New York with one seat left,
505
00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:55,203
and it was all the way
across the airport.
506
00:20:13,539 --> 00:20:15,673
You're not gonna
tackle me again, are you?
507
00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:16,874
I'm the maid of honor.
508
00:20:16,876 --> 00:20:18,810
There's a good chance
that won't be
509
00:20:18,812 --> 00:20:20,228
my only tackle of the weekend.
510
00:20:20,230 --> 00:20:22,063
NARRATOR:
It wasn't.
511
00:20:22,065 --> 00:20:24,215
Look, I'm sorry.
512
00:20:24,217 --> 00:20:27,051
I just got it in my head
that you somehow managed
513
00:20:27,053 --> 00:20:28,820
to track down that locket
in Los Angeles,
514
00:20:28,822 --> 00:20:30,905
and now you were gonna
blow up the wedding.
515
00:20:30,907 --> 00:20:32,857
You really think I'm that crazy?
516
00:20:33,676 --> 00:20:36,227
(sighs)
I guess that's fair.
517
00:20:36,229 --> 00:20:40,165
Look, even though I was wrong,
tell me you aren't thinking
518
00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:42,750
about doing anything
insane this weekend.
519
00:20:42,752 --> 00:20:44,702
Of course not.
520
00:20:44,704 --> 00:20:47,322
NARRATOR:
And all I can say, kids,
521
00:20:47,324 --> 00:20:51,025
is at that moment,
I really thought I meant it.
522
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:55,219
But the truth is...
you never know
523
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,371
who's gonna be the wild card
at a wedding.
524
00:20:58,165 --> 00:21:01,126
Hi. One ticket
to Los Angeles, please.
525
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:06,127
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
526
00:21:07,828 --> 00:21:10,479
NARRATOR: That afternoon
at the Farhampton Inn,
527
00:21:10,481 --> 00:21:13,182
Aunt Lily and I
tried to check in.
528
00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:14,350
Are you chewing gum?
529
00:21:14,352 --> 00:21:15,568
You never chew gum.
530
00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:17,469
You shouldn't chew gum
in here.
531
00:21:17,471 --> 00:21:20,189
Nobody cares if
I chew gum, Ted.
532
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:21,240
Are you chewing gum?
533
00:21:21,242 --> 00:21:23,109
Yes, she is.
She's chewing gum.
534
00:21:23,111 --> 00:21:24,326
Ooh, can I have a piece?
535
00:21:24,328 --> 00:21:26,162
Of course!
Great.
536
00:21:26,164 --> 00:21:27,196
Thank you.
537
00:21:27,198 --> 00:21:28,447
Okay, let's chew some gum
538
00:21:28,449 --> 00:21:30,149
and get you guys
all checked in.
539
00:21:30,151 --> 00:21:32,201
Ms. Aldrin, how many
keys will you need?
540
00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:33,152
Two, please.
541
00:21:33,154 --> 00:21:34,253
My husband's
getting in later.
542
00:21:34,255 --> 00:21:35,838
Excellent, and Mr. Mosby?
543
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:36,956
Uh, just one, please.
544
00:21:36,958 --> 00:21:40,025
Oh, oh, I-I see.
545
00:21:40,027 --> 00:21:41,961
Oh.
546
00:21:41,963 --> 00:21:43,913
Well, hang in there.
547
00:21:43,915 --> 00:21:45,714
You'll find somebody.
548
00:21:45,716 --> 00:21:48,601
Thank you,
front desk stranger.
549
00:21:48,603 --> 00:21:50,870
I'm sorry, we just... we just
don't get a lot of singles here.
550
00:21:50,872 --> 00:21:51,971
I mean,
look at this place.
551
00:21:51,973 --> 00:21:53,506
It's so romantic.
552
00:21:53,508 --> 00:21:56,942
Countless babies conceived
within these walls.
553
00:21:56,944 --> 00:21:59,361
And one... grisly murder.
554
00:21:59,363 --> 00:22:00,512
Now, are you sure
that you wouldn't
555
00:22:00,514 --> 00:22:03,348
feel more comfortable
staying at a motel?
556
00:22:03,350 --> 00:22:04,533
What? No, look.
557
00:22:04,535 --> 00:22:06,485
I'm not some miserable,
lonely person.
558
00:22:06,487 --> 00:22:07,853
Tell him, Lily.
559
00:22:07,855 --> 00:22:09,455
It's a tough
weekend for him.
560
00:22:09,457 --> 00:22:10,489
Bro.
561
00:22:10,491 --> 00:22:12,158
We're here for a wedding.
Ouch.
562
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,994
And he used to date the bride.
Ooh, mama.
563
00:22:14,996 --> 00:22:16,979
And he's the best man.
Devastating.
564
00:22:16,981 --> 00:22:18,581
Could you please
just check us in?
565
00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:20,216
Oh, your rooms aren't
gonna be ready for hours.
566
00:22:20,218 --> 00:22:21,917
But in the meantime,
567
00:22:21,919 --> 00:22:24,303
Ms. Aldrin, I definitely think
568
00:22:24,305 --> 00:22:26,388
you and your husband should
check out the lighthouse.
569
00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:29,141
It's a beautiful view
of the bay-- so romantic.
570
00:22:29,143 --> 00:22:30,176
Oh, wow.
571
00:22:30,178 --> 00:22:31,760
Here's the channel guide
572
00:22:31,762 --> 00:22:33,479
for the TV.
573
00:22:33,481 --> 00:22:35,714
Don't listen
to him, Ted.
574
00:22:35,716 --> 00:22:38,050
(phone ringing)
You are not alone.
575
00:22:38,052 --> 00:22:40,903
In fact, this
whole weekend,
576
00:22:40,905 --> 00:22:43,439
it is going to be
nothing but me and...
577
00:22:43,441 --> 00:22:44,824
Marshall!
578
00:22:44,826 --> 00:22:46,008
Oh, thank God,
you're on your way.
579
00:22:46,010 --> 00:22:48,043
If I had to be here alone,
I would kill myself.
580
00:22:49,229 --> 00:22:50,362
How are you doing?
581
00:22:50,364 --> 00:22:52,781
I'm fine... Curtis.
582
00:22:52,783 --> 00:22:54,667
I mean, let's do
the math here.
583
00:22:54,669 --> 00:22:58,787
One "best man" plus one
"no girlfriend" equals...
584
00:22:58,789 --> 00:23:01,540
"Mothers of Farhampton,
lock up your daughters!"
585
00:23:01,542 --> 00:23:03,425
Double guns!
586
00:23:03,427 --> 00:23:05,511
(imitating gunshots)
587
00:23:10,050 --> 00:23:11,383
Wow, you're in bad shape.
588
00:23:11,385 --> 00:23:12,601
Marshall missed
his flight.
589
00:23:12,603 --> 00:23:14,270
He might not get
here tonight.
590
00:23:14,272 --> 00:23:16,755
He might not
get here at all.
591
00:23:16,757 --> 00:23:17,940
We...
592
00:23:17,942 --> 00:23:19,913
only have a few
of these left.
593
00:23:19,914 --> 00:23:23,914
? How I Met Your Mother 9x02 ?
Coming Back
Original Air Date on September 23, 2013
594
00:23:24,097 --> 00:23:25,381
Hi...
595
00:23:25,383 --> 00:23:26,398
Linus.
596
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,067
Here's how this goes down.
597
00:23:28,069 --> 00:23:30,569
If I'm going to make it through
this weekend without my husband,
598
00:23:30,571 --> 00:23:32,655
I need you to hook a lady up.
599
00:23:32,657 --> 00:23:35,207
Any time you see me
without a drink in my hand,
600
00:23:35,209 --> 00:23:37,309
you put a drink in my hand.
601
00:23:37,311 --> 00:23:40,379
Are you my guy, Linus?
602
00:23:41,231 --> 00:23:42,548
So you want the Kennedy Package?
603
00:23:42,550 --> 00:23:44,133
Bingo.
604
00:23:45,585 --> 00:23:47,636
(phone rings)
Go for Barney.
605
00:23:49,122 --> 00:23:50,339
Ah.
606
00:23:50,341 --> 00:23:52,841
Thank you Linus.
607
00:23:52,843 --> 00:23:54,226
Barney,
before you get too upset,
608
00:23:54,228 --> 00:23:56,445
there's another flight
that leaves in five minutes.
609
00:23:56,447 --> 00:23:58,130
You're getting on it.
I'm gonna try.
610
00:23:58,132 --> 00:23:59,515
There is no try!
611
00:23:59,517 --> 00:24:00,900
You're getting on that plane.
612
00:24:00,902 --> 00:24:02,651
Hey, growth spurt.
613
00:24:02,653 --> 00:24:05,637
If there is only one seat
left on this plane,
614
00:24:05,639 --> 00:24:07,472
I will fight you for it.
615
00:24:07,474 --> 00:24:09,474
And I'm a biter.
616
00:24:09,476 --> 00:24:11,110
Marshall, whoever that is,
grab her carry-on
617
00:24:11,112 --> 00:24:12,644
and throw it
into a restricted area.
618
00:24:12,646 --> 00:24:14,330
I'm serious. Do it.
Do it now.
619
00:24:14,332 --> 00:24:15,831
What? No.
620
00:24:15,833 --> 00:24:16,916
Barney, are you...?
621
00:24:16,918 --> 00:24:18,417
No, I'm not gonna...
622
00:24:18,419 --> 00:24:19,501
That's... No.
623
00:24:19,503 --> 00:24:21,670
There is no
"What, no, Barney, are you,
624
00:24:21,672 --> 00:24:23,706
no I'm not gonna, that's no!"
625
00:24:23,708 --> 00:24:25,824
This is a holiday weekend.
626
00:24:25,826 --> 00:24:28,827
You're not gonna get
to New York by being nice.
627
00:24:28,829 --> 00:24:31,263
So you're gonna have
to lose the whole Midwestern
628
00:24:31,265 --> 00:24:32,831
aw-shucksy-doodles thing...
629
00:24:32,833 --> 00:24:33,882
Shucksy doodles?
630
00:24:33,884 --> 00:24:35,267
...and act like a New Yorker.
631
00:24:35,269 --> 00:24:37,686
A pushy, obnoxious,
knock-the-other-guy-down-
632
00:24:37,688 --> 00:24:40,222
and-take-his-hot-dog resident
of the greatest city on earth!
633
00:24:40,224 --> 00:24:41,774
No can do, Barney.
634
00:24:41,776 --> 00:24:42,942
I'm from Minnesota,
635
00:24:42,944 --> 00:24:45,277
where there's plenty of hot dogs
for everyone.
636
00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:49,348
Perhaps even too many.
637
00:24:49,350 --> 00:24:50,366
But listen,
638
00:24:50,368 --> 00:24:51,951
I'm gonna get to New York
639
00:24:51,953 --> 00:24:53,285
without being a jerk.
640
00:24:53,287 --> 00:24:55,020
Just get to New York!
641
00:24:55,022 --> 00:24:56,021
I'll get to New York!
642
00:24:56,023 --> 00:24:57,606
Nobody's getting to New York.
643
00:24:57,608 --> 00:24:59,024
Not this weekend anyway.
644
00:24:59,026 --> 00:25:01,660
There's a big storm
rolling up the East Coast.
645
00:25:01,662 --> 00:25:03,579
All the airports
are closing.
646
00:25:03,581 --> 00:25:06,365
My advice is
rent a car and drive.
647
00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:07,466
But you better hurry.
648
00:25:07,468 --> 00:25:09,435
They're gonna
run out of cars soon.
649
00:25:09,437 --> 00:25:10,819
(groans)
650
00:25:10,821 --> 00:25:12,254
Okay, listen.
651
00:25:12,256 --> 00:25:13,589
If we're both
going to New York,
652
00:25:13,591 --> 00:25:16,809
why don't we rent a car,
split the drive?
653
00:25:16,811 --> 00:25:18,594
That seems like
a reasonable plan.
654
00:25:18,596 --> 00:25:20,896
Can I help you with
that diaper bag?
655
00:25:20,898 --> 00:25:23,349
Sure. Thank you.
Oh, it's...
656
00:25:25,352 --> 00:25:28,237
Have a nice bus ride,
pumpkin head!
657
00:25:32,092 --> 00:25:34,276
(panting)
658
00:25:37,831 --> 00:25:40,532
Hey, lady.
659
00:25:40,534 --> 00:25:42,368
Yeah, you just threw away
your ticket
660
00:25:42,370 --> 00:25:43,869
to a really great road trip.
661
00:25:43,871 --> 00:25:46,205
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
662
00:25:46,207 --> 00:25:48,340
You're all the way back there,
663
00:25:48,342 --> 00:25:50,575
and I'm all the way
up here.
664
00:25:50,577 --> 00:25:52,878
(laughing)
Oh, you can hear me.
665
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,464
Get ready to be driving
the jealous-mobile
666
00:25:55,466 --> 00:25:57,599
because our car is
gonna have games,
667
00:25:57,601 --> 00:26:00,419
snacks, a James Patterson
audio book
668
00:26:00,421 --> 00:26:04,289
my mother describes as
"cluttering her glove box."
669
00:26:04,291 --> 00:26:07,359
Your car? I'll be in Pittsburgh
before you get your car.
670
00:26:07,361 --> 00:26:09,978
We'll see about that.
671
00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:11,947
And if you're going to New York,
you're not gonna want
672
00:26:11,949 --> 00:26:13,032
to go through Pittsburgh.
673
00:26:13,034 --> 00:26:14,433
94 backs up around Allentown,
674
00:26:14,435 --> 00:26:16,869
so you're gonna want
to stick on 80.
675
00:26:16,871 --> 00:26:18,320
Jerk face!
676
00:26:20,373 --> 00:26:22,607
Come on, universe.
677
00:26:22,609 --> 00:26:24,443
I'm a nice guy.
678
00:26:24,445 --> 00:26:26,078
Send me a miracle.
679
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,548
NARRATOR: And then the universe sent
your Uncle Marshall...
680
00:26:29,550 --> 00:26:32,468
Herm.
681
00:26:39,959 --> 00:26:41,977
Okay, people, let's move
it along. What do you want?
682
00:26:41,979 --> 00:26:44,012
You want a car? You got a car.
Beat it.
683
00:26:44,014 --> 00:26:45,347
What kind of car
do you want?
684
00:26:45,349 --> 00:26:47,433
Too slow, you get a minivan.
685
00:26:47,435 --> 00:26:49,802
Next. Ah, midsize sedan.
686
00:26:49,804 --> 00:26:51,153
Incoming. Next.
687
00:26:51,155 --> 00:26:52,921
Yes!
You want a gas option?
688
00:26:52,923 --> 00:26:54,523
Nobody wants a gas option.
Get out of here.
689
00:26:54,525 --> 00:26:55,524
Next.
690
00:26:55,526 --> 00:26:57,776
Hello. I need a car.
691
00:26:57,778 --> 00:27:00,145
You've got it.
That's all of them.
692
00:27:00,147 --> 00:27:02,264
We're all out of cars,
everybody.
693
00:27:02,266 --> 00:27:03,832
Wait, no!
694
00:27:03,834 --> 00:27:05,384
You let this guy beat you?
695
00:27:05,386 --> 00:27:07,086
Ma'am, it's not a race.
696
00:27:07,088 --> 00:27:10,089
That right there
is why you lost.
697
00:27:10,857 --> 00:27:13,208
Maybe this is your fault.
698
00:27:13,210 --> 00:27:14,460
Did you ever think of that?
699
00:27:14,462 --> 00:27:15,711
Maybe if you
had just been
700
00:27:15,713 --> 00:27:18,163
a little bit nicer,
then you would be
701
00:27:18,165 --> 00:27:19,882
the one driving this lovely...
702
00:27:19,884 --> 00:27:21,633
What kind of car is it?
703
00:27:21,635 --> 00:27:24,520
NARRATOR: Now, kids, I don't remember
the actual name of this car,
704
00:27:24,522 --> 00:27:26,271
but to an environmentalist
like Marshall,
705
00:27:26,273 --> 00:27:29,141
this car was a monstrosity.
706
00:27:29,143 --> 00:27:32,211
2006 Monstrosity.
707
00:27:32,213 --> 00:27:33,862
? Monstrosity
708
00:27:33,864 --> 00:27:37,716
? 'Cause global warming's
not real. ?
709
00:27:37,718 --> 00:27:40,035
Oh, no, not a Monstrosity.
710
00:27:40,037 --> 00:27:42,154
I'll take it.
I can't drive that.
711
00:27:42,156 --> 00:27:43,822
I can. Give me the Monstrosity.
712
00:27:43,824 --> 00:27:46,241
Do you have anything else?
I'll take the Monstrosity.
713
00:27:46,243 --> 00:27:48,410
There's nothing else.
Give me the keys, old man!
714
00:27:48,412 --> 00:27:49,878
It's just so freaking huge!
715
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,030
Well, actually it's
a Monstrosity Sport,
716
00:27:52,032 --> 00:27:53,916
so it's a little smaller.
717
00:27:53,918 --> 00:27:55,884
? Monstrosity Sport
718
00:27:55,886 --> 00:27:58,754
? It's still freaking huge.
719
00:27:58,756 --> 00:28:00,255
Fine. I'll take it.
720
00:28:00,257 --> 00:28:01,924
But I'm also gonna need
a baby seat.
721
00:28:01,926 --> 00:28:04,176
We're all out of baby seats.
Get out of here.
722
00:28:04,178 --> 00:28:05,844
Oh, my God--
what am I gonna do?
723
00:28:05,846 --> 00:28:07,112
I don't care.
724
00:28:07,114 --> 00:28:09,148
(groans)
725
00:28:09,150 --> 00:28:10,432
Can I make a suggestion?
726
00:28:11,351 --> 00:28:12,601
I rent the car,
727
00:28:12,603 --> 00:28:15,220
then I go buy the car seat,
come back here,
728
00:28:15,222 --> 00:28:18,223
pick you guys up,
and then the three of us
729
00:28:18,225 --> 00:28:19,958
drive to New York together.
730
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,827
(laughs quietly)
731
00:28:21,829 --> 00:28:24,163
Let me get this straight.
732
00:28:24,165 --> 00:28:26,565
So, you're gonna
rent the car,
733
00:28:26,567 --> 00:28:29,535
go and get a baby seat
for my son,
734
00:28:29,537 --> 00:28:33,121
and then drive all the way
back here to pick me up.
735
00:28:33,123 --> 00:28:34,389
That's right.
736
00:28:34,391 --> 00:28:37,459
Well, then you're
gonna need some cash. Here.
737
00:28:37,461 --> 00:28:39,428
Hundred bucks ought to cover it.
738
00:28:39,430 --> 00:28:40,762
So, we'll see
you soon.
739
00:28:40,764 --> 00:28:42,631
You got it, Michael!
Marshall.
740
00:28:42,633 --> 00:28:45,050
Doesn't matter now, does it?
741
00:28:48,188 --> 00:28:50,422
Remember this day, Marvin.
742
00:28:51,474 --> 00:28:54,560
Not only is this the day
that we either saw Prince
743
00:28:54,562 --> 00:28:57,980
or a... a really flamboyantly
dressed greyhound,
744
00:28:57,982 --> 00:29:01,733
it's also the day that your dad
chose not to be a jerk...
745
00:29:01,735 --> 00:29:04,386
and put his trust in humanity.
746
00:29:04,388 --> 00:29:07,122
Just watch where it gets us.
747
00:29:10,109 --> 00:29:12,211
Shucksy-doodles!
748
00:29:14,053 --> 00:29:15,664
NARRATOR: Uncle Marshall
was just about ready
749
00:29:15,665 --> 00:29:17,147
to abandon
his faith in humanity.
750
00:29:18,221 --> 00:29:19,838
But let's back up a little bit.
751
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:24,042
And now the true tale
of the Stinson Curse.
752
00:29:24,044 --> 00:29:27,912
BARNEY:
Moscow, 1807.
753
00:29:27,914 --> 00:29:29,981
(Russian accent): What a wonderful night
at the opera.
754
00:29:29,983 --> 00:29:31,950
Wouldn't you agree,
Comrade Barnovski?
755
00:29:31,952 --> 00:29:34,402
(Russian accent): I would indeed,
Comrade Jamesokoff.
756
00:29:34,404 --> 00:29:37,572
But you know what made it
truly wonderful?
757
00:29:37,574 --> 00:29:40,175
Being here with my wife...
758
00:29:40,177 --> 00:29:43,945
the beet in my borscht,
the fur on my hat,
759
00:29:43,947 --> 00:29:49,033
the only person I've ever
been attracted to, ever.
760
00:29:49,035 --> 00:29:51,219
I feel the same way
about Kyle...
761
00:29:51,221 --> 00:29:53,304
my plutonic friend
from work.
762
00:29:53,306 --> 00:29:55,056
(clattering)
763
00:29:55,058 --> 00:29:58,777
Is it just me, or did that feel
like we hit an old Gypsy woman?
764
00:29:58,779 --> 00:30:00,545
Yep. Old Gypsy woman.
765
00:30:00,547 --> 00:30:03,314
Good call, Barnovski.
Oh, well, she's just a peasant.
766
00:30:03,316 --> 00:30:04,299
Home, Smirnoff.
767
00:30:04,301 --> 00:30:06,717
Wait, she's
saying somethink!
768
00:30:06,719 --> 00:30:08,103
(low, deep moan)
769
00:30:08,105 --> 00:30:09,938
Hornier.
770
00:30:11,890 --> 00:30:13,658
Hornier.
771
00:30:14,443 --> 00:30:15,994
Hornier?
772
00:30:15,996 --> 00:30:17,895
Sonobovich!
773
00:30:17,897 --> 00:30:20,014
Did she just put a curse on us?
774
00:30:20,016 --> 00:30:21,583
Eh, nonsense, brother.
775
00:30:21,585 --> 00:30:24,452
Okay, let's go, Smirnoff.
776
00:30:24,454 --> 00:30:25,670
Smirnoff?
777
00:30:26,505 --> 00:30:29,691
Homina, hominovich. Mmm,
778
00:30:29,693 --> 00:30:34,395
Smirnoff, I would climb you
like the Kremlin Wall.
779
00:30:34,397 --> 00:30:35,913
What's happening to me?
780
00:30:35,915 --> 00:30:38,516
Don't you see?
You're getting hornier, brother,
781
00:30:38,518 --> 00:30:41,136
just like
the old Gypsy woman said!
782
00:30:41,138 --> 00:30:42,504
Oh, hello there.
783
00:30:43,806 --> 00:30:47,642
(chuckles) Ever had
a White Russian?
784
00:30:50,446 --> 00:30:52,763
BARNEY:
For the next 200 years,
785
00:30:52,765 --> 00:30:55,433
every male member
of the Stinson family
786
00:30:55,435 --> 00:30:58,536
was afflicted
by the Gypsy's curse,
787
00:30:58,538 --> 00:31:00,104
an unquenchable thirst
for booty
788
00:31:00,106 --> 00:31:04,259
that no committed relationship
could ever satisfy.
789
00:31:04,261 --> 00:31:06,544
That is, until my brother James
790
00:31:06,546 --> 00:31:08,480
met his husband Tom.
791
00:31:08,482 --> 00:31:11,449
The day they got married,
they lifted the curse forever,
792
00:31:11,451 --> 00:31:13,384
freeing me from the shackles
793
00:31:13,386 --> 00:31:15,587
of having sex
with lots of different women.
794
00:31:15,589 --> 00:31:16,588
Although, sometimes
795
00:31:16,590 --> 00:31:18,389
Robin and I still use
the shackles.
796
00:31:18,391 --> 00:31:19,340
Bondage five!
797
00:31:19,342 --> 00:31:21,059
Whoa.
I can't, I can't,
798
00:31:21,061 --> 00:31:21,976
I can't.
799
00:31:21,978 --> 00:31:24,095
(phone rings)
Go for Barney!
800
00:31:25,130 --> 00:31:26,781
Ah.
801
00:31:26,783 --> 00:31:30,185
Thank you, Linus.
802
00:31:30,187 --> 00:31:31,769
This is worse
than I thought.
803
00:31:31,771 --> 00:31:33,638
I know.
Showtime, no HBO?
804
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,106
JAMES:
No.
805
00:31:36,141 --> 00:31:38,493
Tom and I are getting divorced.
806
00:31:38,495 --> 00:31:39,794
What?
TED: What?
807
00:31:39,796 --> 00:31:42,163
That's why you look
extra handsome.
808
00:31:42,165 --> 00:31:44,082
I do get extra hot
when I'm single.
809
00:31:44,084 --> 00:31:45,099
Your skin looks amazing.
810
00:31:45,101 --> 00:31:46,417
Looks amazing.
I know.
811
00:31:46,419 --> 00:31:48,753
So... so what happened?
Why-why'd you guys break up?
812
00:31:48,755 --> 00:31:50,338
Well, the thing to remember
813
00:31:50,340 --> 00:31:51,873
is that when something
like this happens,
814
00:31:51,875 --> 00:31:52,891
it's nobody's fault.
815
00:31:52,893 --> 00:31:55,026
You cheated on him.
Repeatedly.
816
00:31:56,045 --> 00:31:57,345
I thought about
keeping it quiet,
817
00:31:57,347 --> 00:32:00,465
but then I realized,
wouldn't my family want me
818
00:32:00,467 --> 00:32:04,052
to be honest with them
about news this big?
819
00:32:04,054 --> 00:32:07,522
Oh, can I just say five things?
820
00:32:09,291 --> 00:32:12,777
What is the matter with--
sorry, six-- you?!
821
00:32:12,779 --> 00:32:14,629
Ooh! What?!
822
00:32:14,631 --> 00:32:17,365
I'm-I'm sorry
about you and Tom,
823
00:32:17,367 --> 00:32:19,784
but you can't just drop
a bombshell like this
824
00:32:19,786 --> 00:32:21,302
so close to
someone's wedding.
825
00:32:21,304 --> 00:32:23,972
You broke the curse.
You and Tom
826
00:32:23,974 --> 00:32:25,073
are the only couple
827
00:32:25,075 --> 00:32:26,741
that makes Barney
believe in marriage.
828
00:32:26,743 --> 00:32:29,077
(chuckles) Really?
The only couple?
829
00:32:29,079 --> 00:32:32,297
I mean, no one else
comes to mind?
830
00:32:32,299 --> 00:32:34,132
Been together 17 years?
831
00:32:34,134 --> 00:32:36,867
She's a spunky redhead,
he's got calves
832
00:32:36,869 --> 00:32:39,387
that launched a thousand
lady boners?
833
00:32:39,389 --> 00:32:40,588
BARNEY:
Hey, sorry about that.
834
00:32:40,590 --> 00:32:41,923
Hey, did you guys know
835
00:32:41,925 --> 00:32:45,510
that Sunday is James' and Tom's
anniversary?
836
00:32:45,512 --> 00:32:47,545
How cool is that?
837
00:32:47,547 --> 00:32:48,680
We're anniversary bros!
838
00:32:48,682 --> 00:32:50,548
Every year, we should go out
and celebrate...
839
00:32:50,550 --> 00:32:51,849
just the two of us.
840
00:32:51,851 --> 00:32:53,785
Listen, bro, you...
841
00:32:53,787 --> 00:32:56,104
I know, I know, "Please, Barney,
842
00:32:56,106 --> 00:32:59,357
you don't have to get us
an anniversary gift this year."
843
00:32:59,359 --> 00:33:00,592
You get them an
anniversary gift?
844
00:33:00,594 --> 00:33:02,110
Why shouldn't I?
They're the one couple
845
00:33:02,112 --> 00:33:03,861
that makes me believe marriage
is possible.
846
00:33:03,863 --> 00:33:05,896
I mean, I'm sitting right here.
847
00:33:06,898 --> 00:33:08,449
Thank you, Linus.
848
00:33:08,451 --> 00:33:10,201
JAMES:
Barney, the thing is...
849
00:33:10,203 --> 00:33:13,621
Cover your ears and hum "The
Battle Hymn of the Republic""
850
00:33:13,623 --> 00:33:14,806
Why?
851
00:33:14,808 --> 00:33:17,358
It's for the bride.
852
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:18,843
Oh, it's for... (humming)
853
00:33:18,845 --> 00:33:20,044
Okay, listen, James,
854
00:33:20,046 --> 00:33:21,713
my cousin Vince
is a Mountie.
855
00:33:21,715 --> 00:33:24,432
His girlfriend is back home,
but he gets gay at weddings.
856
00:33:24,434 --> 00:33:26,134
He's yours.
I am giving you Vince.
857
00:33:26,136 --> 00:33:27,719
Just please,
don't tell Barney.
858
00:33:27,721 --> 00:33:29,137
If he finds out
that the only
859
00:33:29,139 --> 00:33:30,805
successful marriage
in his life is over...
860
00:33:30,807 --> 00:33:32,106
I hate everyone
at this table.
861
00:33:32,108 --> 00:33:33,107
...it'll spook him.
862
00:33:33,109 --> 00:33:34,409
I don't want him
getting spooked.
863
00:33:34,411 --> 00:33:36,544
Robin, have some faith.
864
00:33:36,546 --> 00:33:39,480
Do you really think what you
and Barney have is that fragile?
865
00:33:40,482 --> 00:33:42,450
I don't want to find out.
866
00:33:42,452 --> 00:33:44,118
Fine.
867
00:33:46,872 --> 00:33:48,072
Thanks, baby.
868
00:33:48,074 --> 00:33:49,574
No sweat.
Mmm...
869
00:33:49,576 --> 00:33:52,393
So, James, seriously,
where's Tom?
870
00:33:52,395 --> 00:33:53,628
He can't make the wedding.
871
00:33:53,630 --> 00:33:55,079
He had his wisdom teeth out.
872
00:33:55,081 --> 00:33:56,447
Ugh! On top of a divorce?
873
00:33:56,449 --> 00:33:57,665
That is rough.
874
00:33:58,734 --> 00:34:00,401
Uh-oh.
875
00:34:00,403 --> 00:34:03,471
What is she talking about?
876
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,741
Tom and I are getting a divorce.
877
00:34:10,396 --> 00:34:11,846
Excuse me.
878
00:34:16,101 --> 00:34:19,087
Vince... off the table.
879
00:34:21,890 --> 00:34:23,741
What was that?
I don't know.
880
00:34:23,743 --> 00:34:25,176
It just came out.
881
00:34:25,178 --> 00:34:26,878
That's it.
It's barely even noon.
882
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,496
You're cut off.
883
00:34:28,498 --> 00:34:30,198
Thank you, Linus.
884
00:34:31,283 --> 00:34:32,834
Thank you, Linus.
885
00:34:33,669 --> 00:34:35,486
Thank you, Linus.
886
00:34:36,338 --> 00:34:37,988
Thank you, Linus.
887
00:34:37,990 --> 00:34:39,507
Thank you, Linus.
888
00:34:39,509 --> 00:34:41,592
Okay, but after that one,
you're cut off!
889
00:34:43,395 --> 00:34:45,880
No! No, you are not doing this.
Step away from the desk.
890
00:34:45,882 --> 00:34:46,964
What are you talking about?
891
00:34:46,966 --> 00:34:48,599
You just found out
about James and Tom,
892
00:34:48,601 --> 00:34:51,018
and it totally freaked you out,
and now you're asking this guy
893
00:34:51,020 --> 00:34:52,186
to point you in the direction
894
00:34:52,188 --> 00:34:53,404
of the nearest,
dirtiest strip club.
895
00:34:53,406 --> 00:34:55,506
Oh, well,
that-that's a tough one.
896
00:34:55,508 --> 00:34:58,226
Uh, the nearest one
that's-that's kind of dirty
897
00:34:58,228 --> 00:34:59,794
is The Sand Box,
898
00:34:59,796 --> 00:35:02,730
but the, uh...
the dirtiest one that's nearby
899
00:35:02,732 --> 00:35:04,515
is The Crab Shed.
900
00:35:04,517 --> 00:35:05,633
Dude.
901
00:35:05,635 --> 00:35:08,236
Sorry. Uh, but hey,
if-if you do go,
902
00:35:08,238 --> 00:35:10,204
maybe you could take Ted.
903
00:35:10,206 --> 00:35:11,856
I'm really worried
about that kid.
904
00:35:13,158 --> 00:35:15,710
No, Robin, I am not
going to a strip club.
905
00:35:15,712 --> 00:35:16,978
Especially right now.
906
00:35:16,980 --> 00:35:20,164
Could you imagine
the day shift at The Crab Shed?
907
00:35:21,216 --> 00:35:23,084
Robin...
908
00:35:23,086 --> 00:35:25,970
I came to the desk to get this.
909
00:35:25,972 --> 00:35:27,655
Is that the key to our room?
910
00:35:27,657 --> 00:35:29,390
It's the key to James's room.
911
00:35:35,097 --> 00:35:36,431
Oh, my.
912
00:35:36,433 --> 00:35:37,815
What is that?
913
00:35:37,817 --> 00:35:39,167
It's an erotic cake.
914
00:35:39,169 --> 00:35:41,051
I wanted to surprise them
for their anniversary.
915
00:35:41,053 --> 00:35:42,520
Is that... is that
James and Tom?
916
00:35:42,522 --> 00:35:46,407
Mmm, caramel marzipan,
chocolate marzipan.
917
00:35:46,409 --> 00:35:47,975
I love chocolate
marzipan.
918
00:35:47,977 --> 00:35:50,778
So does Tom.
Used to anyway.
919
00:35:51,997 --> 00:35:55,065
This is, uh, absolutely the,
uh... the weirdest thing
920
00:35:55,067 --> 00:35:57,785
anyone has ever done
for their sibling.
921
00:35:59,204 --> 00:36:01,405
I love you so much.
922
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:04,342
You thought I was
gonna freak out.
923
00:36:04,344 --> 00:36:06,878
Well, I mean, a Gypsy
cursed your family
924
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,764
to become hornier and do
awesome guitar solos.
925
00:36:09,766 --> 00:36:11,516
Can you blame me?
926
00:36:11,518 --> 00:36:14,018
Look, am I bummed about James
and Tom getting a divorce?
927
00:36:14,020 --> 00:36:17,138
Obviously.
But I don't need them
928
00:36:17,140 --> 00:36:19,524
to make me believe
in true love anymore.
929
00:36:19,526 --> 00:36:20,975
I've got you for that now.
930
00:36:20,977 --> 00:36:22,777
Mmm.
931
00:36:22,779 --> 00:36:26,247
Oh, man, now I gotta figure out
what to do with all this stuff.
932
00:36:26,249 --> 00:36:28,399
Well, before we do that...
933
00:36:28,401 --> 00:36:31,452
um, would it be all
right if I nibbled
934
00:36:31,454 --> 00:36:33,905
on your brother's
Ding Dong?
935
00:36:33,907 --> 00:36:36,574
How about we nibble
936
00:36:36,576 --> 00:36:40,411
on my brother's
Ding Dong together?
937
00:36:40,413 --> 00:36:42,296
I'd like that.
938
00:36:44,115 --> 00:36:46,334
NARRATOR: So, they cleaned all that stuff
out of there
939
00:36:46,336 --> 00:36:48,002
and had a talk with James.
940
00:36:48,004 --> 00:36:51,506
And Barney didn't freak out,
because here's the thing, kids.
941
00:36:51,508 --> 00:36:55,560
When you believe in people,
people come through.
942
00:37:00,833 --> 00:37:03,251
Just so we're clear,
I pick the music.
943
00:37:03,253 --> 00:37:04,535
Of course.
944
00:37:04,537 --> 00:37:05,520
Say it.
945
00:37:05,522 --> 00:37:07,255
Say, "Daphne picks the music."
946
00:37:07,257 --> 00:37:09,073
Daphne picks the music.
947
00:37:09,075 --> 00:37:10,241
And you pay for gas.
948
00:37:10,243 --> 00:37:11,993
Are you kidding?
Do you have any idea
949
00:37:11,995 --> 00:37:13,227
how much gas this thing takes?
950
00:37:13,229 --> 00:37:14,428
(engine revs)
No, no, okay!
951
00:37:14,430 --> 00:37:15,763
Okay, I pay for gas.
952
00:37:15,765 --> 00:37:17,331
Good. Now, get in.
953
00:37:17,333 --> 00:37:19,149
It's a long ride to Phoenix.
954
00:37:19,151 --> 00:37:20,718
Say what?
955
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:23,087
(laughs)
I'm just kidding.
956
00:37:23,089 --> 00:37:25,206
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
957
00:37:30,028 --> 00:37:31,846
This must be the singles table.
958
00:37:31,848 --> 00:37:35,516
(chuckles)
Guess it is.
959
00:37:37,002 --> 00:37:39,203
Well, it's kind of nice
to be asking this question
960
00:37:39,205 --> 00:37:40,688
instead of answering it
for a change:
961
00:37:40,690 --> 00:37:41,756
How are you doing?
962
00:37:41,758 --> 00:37:43,674
I don't know.
963
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,277
I'm trying to be happy
for my brother,
964
00:37:46,279 --> 00:37:48,012
but, uh... I guess a person
965
00:37:48,014 --> 00:37:49,897
has a different
perspective on weddings
966
00:37:49,899 --> 00:37:53,334
when he knows what's down there
at the end of the aisle.
967
00:37:54,269 --> 00:37:56,437
It's not all
champagne and frosting.
968
00:37:57,406 --> 00:38:00,524
Mr. Stinson, your room is ready.
969
00:38:00,526 --> 00:38:02,310
And, Ted...
970
00:38:02,312 --> 00:38:04,495
she's right around the corner.
971
00:38:04,497 --> 00:38:06,080
Thank you, Curtis.
972
00:38:06,082 --> 00:38:07,882
I feel it, too.
973
00:38:07,884 --> 00:38:09,417
No, no, no, the-the housekeeper.
974
00:38:09,419 --> 00:38:11,502
She's in the room that's right
around the corner from yours.
975
00:38:11,504 --> 00:38:12,670
Oh.
So another hour, tops.
976
00:38:12,672 --> 00:38:14,922
Sure.
977
00:38:14,924 --> 00:38:16,507
Okay, see you later, Ted.
978
00:38:16,509 --> 00:38:18,175
You're not
giving up, James.
979
00:38:19,210 --> 00:38:21,078
And neither am I.
980
00:38:36,078 --> 00:38:37,295
(footsteps approach)
981
00:38:37,297 --> 00:38:38,362
TED:
Hey, beautiful.
982
00:38:38,364 --> 00:38:39,347
Hi.
983
00:38:39,349 --> 00:38:41,332
God, you look great.
984
00:38:41,334 --> 00:38:43,217
What? Come on.
985
00:38:43,219 --> 00:38:44,268
You do!
986
00:38:44,270 --> 00:38:46,087
I've been in a car all morning.
987
00:38:46,089 --> 00:38:49,440
I just ate a croissant crumb
that I found in my bra.
988
00:38:49,442 --> 00:38:50,758
I'm disgusting.
989
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,678
Yeah, I saw you do that.
And it was super hot. Come here.
990
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,346
(chuckles) You come here.
Come here.
991
00:38:55,348 --> 00:38:58,215
No, you come here.
Come here.
992
00:38:58,217 --> 00:38:59,917
Hey, you want to hear
something funny?
993
00:38:59,919 --> 00:39:00,935
Mm-hmm.
994
00:39:00,937 --> 00:39:03,270
One year ago today,
almost to the minute,
995
00:39:03,272 --> 00:39:05,589
I was sitting
at this very table
996
00:39:05,591 --> 00:39:07,058
right in that seat.
997
00:39:08,226 --> 00:39:10,394
Oh, yeah. I can see it.
998
00:39:10,396 --> 00:39:12,863
Nursing your gin and tonic
with three extra limes,
999
00:39:12,865 --> 00:39:14,682
doing the crossword,
1000
00:39:14,684 --> 00:39:17,267
probably being
all showboat-y about it.
1001
00:39:17,269 --> 00:39:18,169
I wasn't being
showboat-y about it.
1002
00:39:18,171 --> 00:39:21,205
"Vesuvius""
Boo-yah!
1003
00:39:22,874 --> 00:39:24,959
Oh, wait, that doesn't fit.
1004
00:39:24,961 --> 00:39:27,261
The point is,
one year ago today,
1005
00:39:27,263 --> 00:39:30,831
I made a promise to myself
right at this table.
1006
00:39:30,833 --> 00:39:32,900
THE MOTHER:
What was the promise?
1007
00:39:32,902 --> 00:39:37,438
BOTH TEDS: I'm coming back,
and I'm bringing you.
1008
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,407
Wait a second.
Hold it.
1009
00:39:39,409 --> 00:39:42,677
One year ago today,
you hadn't even met me.
1010
00:39:42,679 --> 00:39:44,845
I know, but I knew I would.
1011
00:39:45,881 --> 00:39:47,648
And now it's a year later.
1012
00:39:47,650 --> 00:39:49,316
And here I am.
1013
00:39:49,318 --> 00:39:50,668
Here you are.
1014
00:39:50,670 --> 00:39:52,103
Love in your eyes,
1015
00:39:52,105 --> 00:39:53,988
baked goods
in your undergarments.
1016
00:39:53,990 --> 00:39:55,022
Yeah.
1017
00:39:55,024 --> 00:39:57,291
You picked a real winner, Mosby.
1018
00:39:57,293 --> 00:40:00,044
I did.
1019
00:40:01,513 --> 00:40:03,330
Okay, seriously, what the crap
1020
00:40:03,332 --> 00:40:05,349
is taking so long
with these rooms?
1021
00:40:05,351 --> 00:40:07,284
It was like this
last year.
1022
00:40:07,286 --> 00:40:09,003
I'll be right back.
1023
00:40:09,005 --> 00:40:11,372
I'll be right here.
1024
00:40:28,258 --> 00:40:30,395
Sorry that took so long.
1025
00:40:31,028 --> 00:40:32,361
Please...
1026
00:40:32,363 --> 00:40:34,196
try to enjoy your stay.
1027
00:40:34,198 --> 00:40:36,165
I will.
1028
00:40:36,167 --> 00:40:37,315
Try to.
1029
00:40:37,317 --> 00:40:41,036
I will enjoy my stay.
1030
00:40:41,038 --> 00:40:42,153
Try.
1031
00:40:42,155 --> 00:40:43,789
Not gonna try.
1032
00:40:43,791 --> 00:40:46,959
Just... just gonna do it.
1033
00:40:46,961 --> 00:40:47,993
Good for you.
1034
00:40:47,995 --> 00:40:49,011
Not good for me.
1035
00:40:49,013 --> 00:40:52,397
No, just-just neutral for me.
1036
00:40:52,399 --> 00:40:55,050
Attaboy.
No, at not a boy.
1037
00:40:57,720 --> 00:40:58,854
It gets better.
1038
00:40:58,856 --> 00:41:01,273
I am fine, Curtis. Okay?
1039
00:41:01,275 --> 00:41:04,393
I enjoy and appreciate
the happiness of other people
1040
00:41:04,395 --> 00:41:08,130
whether I am in a relationship
or not. Okay? Curtis?
1041
00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:09,314
So just-just...
1042
00:41:09,316 --> 00:41:11,783
just go ahead
and give me my one key
1043
00:41:11,785 --> 00:41:13,819
because I am fine.
1044
00:41:24,770 --> 00:41:26,988
Oh, come on!
I need another drink.
1045
00:41:28,917 --> 00:41:33,917
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man