1 00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:04,470 Narrator: Kids, it was two days 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,038 Before barney and robin's wedding, 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,474 And everything was going off without a hitch. 4 00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,708 Ted: Ah. 5 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,110 Been waiting for the perfect time for this, 6 00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,778 And, my friend, that time is... 7 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,214 I saw you and robin at the carousel. 8 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:18,384 (bottle shatters) okay, there was one slight hitch. 9 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,819 Barney: She called me to help her, 10 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,054 And there you were 11 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,288 In the rain 12 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,024 Holding hands with my fiancée. 13 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,329 What up? 14 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,997 Nothing up. 15 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:32,998 Everything down. 16 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,967 All parts of me down. 17 00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:36,068 Look, 18 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:38,537 You were busy, so I-I... 19 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,738 I went to the park to help her look 20 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,006 For this locket she buried years ago. 21 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,841 She couldn't find it, she got upset, 22 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,777 I held her hand. End of story. 23 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,815 Cool! I just wanted to air that out. 24 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,316 You know, bro to bro. 25 00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,052 You're my best friend and my best man. 26 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,253 Of course I trust you. 27 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,687 Oh, come on. 28 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,990 You don't have to cry about it. 29 00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:00,659 (sobs) it's not that. 30 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:04,096 That was a $600 bottle of scotch. 31 00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,832 (crying): Oh, my god. 32 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,034 (both blubbering) 33 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:12,838 I hope marshall gets here for the rehearsal dinner. 34 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:13,906 Thank you, linus. 35 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:17,209 He's somewhere in wisconsin in a rental car. 36 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,877 Hertz? I mean, it hurts a little 37 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,013 But I'm not gonna cry about it. Hey! 38 00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:23,182 We've been doing that all afternoon. 39 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,550 Robin: Oh, who's that for? 40 00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,251 Marshpillow. 41 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,921 Narrator: Kids, as you may recall, whenever marshall left town 42 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,022 For a few days, 43 00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:32,091 Lily would compensate with a body pillow 44 00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:34,693 She dressed up and named marshpillow. 45 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,261 Pretty normal stuff. 46 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,597 But with marshall stuck driving across the country, 47 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,599 Lily decided to upgrade. 48 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,036 Meet marshpillow 2.0! 49 00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:45,437 Hey! 50 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,239 Am I on? 51 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,408 Hey, guys! 52 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:50,542 Hey, marsh. Hey, marshall. Hey. 53 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,376 It's like you're really here. 54 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:52,811 Marshall: Hey, ted. 55 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,814 Can you give me a gander of the environs? 56 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,051 Wow! 57 00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:03,021 This place looks beautif... 58 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,824 Wait for it. 59 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,093 He's frozen. (lily groans) 60 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:11,163 Same thing happened last night at the worst possible time. 61 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:15,134 I had just gotten on all fours and taken off my panti... 62 00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:21,306 Now lily's frozen. 63 00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:27,179 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org 64 00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:39,024 ...Ful. 65 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,527 This place is beautiful! 66 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,962 Wow. Lily, it looks like you really put 67 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,764 Some time into this, huh? 68 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:46,532 (chuckles) 69 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,133 Though I wonder if 70 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,368 Instead of dressing up 71 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:52,771 Your giant husband doll like malibu ken, 72 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,006 You could've spent a minute or two-- 73 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,674 I don't know-- 74 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,110 Planning the weak ass bachelorette party you threw me? 75 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:08,053 I-it's possible I forgot to send out the evite. 76 00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,155 Robin! 77 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,558 Happy bachelorette party! (chuckles) 78 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,961 You invited patrice to my bachelorette party?! 79 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,796 No. 80 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,131 You know, it's funny. 81 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:22,000 When I was planning barney's bachelor party, 82 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:26,138 I managed to wrangle his boyhood hero, billy zabka, 83 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:27,573 From the karate kid. 84 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,508 But you scored patrice. 85 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:30,909 I'm sorry, robin. 86 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,013 I-I've just been so consumed with our move to rome. 87 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,982 I guess I forgot to invite 88 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:37,983 The girls. 89 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,918 Yeah, lily, I'd like to show you how it's done. 90 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,021 Billy zabka, what a great guy. 91 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:46,058 Look at how thorough ted was planning the best man poker game 92 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,559 He's throwing for barney. 93 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,562 Wait, I think I'm on some sort of delay here. 94 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,765 (clears throat) best man visor for the dealer. 95 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,101 Customized playing cards. 96 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,903 Barney's the king. 97 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,104 And... 98 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,339 The queens 99 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,274 Are naked. 100 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,076 It was my first decree. 101 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:07,346 Hmm. Plus, ted handwrote all of the table cards 102 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,248 For the reception in calligraphy. 103 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,250 The man's a wizard with a pen. 104 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,585 Oh. I don't know about all that. 105 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,686 Though I was approached 106 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,855 By the decorating committee to make the... 107 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,091 Signs for our senior prom. 108 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:22,594 I'm told they were quite the hit. 109 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,931 (sucks air through teeth) hey, buddy, listen, 110 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:29,935 You're gonna kill me, but I forgot to bring the table cards. 111 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,104 Uh, I'd hate to ask you to redo them... 112 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,606 Say no more. The best man is on it. 113 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,142 Thanks, ted. (scoffs) 114 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,311 S-so now the best man 115 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:42,981 Is painstakingly handwriting 200 table cards, 116 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:45,484 But my maid of honor forgot 117 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:48,587 To click "send" on an evite. 118 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,255 I didn't forget to invite the girls 119 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,657 To your bachelorette party. 120 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,592 You have no girls! 121 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,826 (high-pitched): What? 122 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:57,229 (chuckles) what? 123 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,298 What? 124 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,967 What? I... All my girls. 125 00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:03,969 I gave you a list. 126 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,270 This list? 127 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,171 Yeah. 128 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,106 "tall girl from work, 129 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,776 "mouth-breather from coffee shop, 130 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:11,977 "average-sized 131 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,979 Girl from that place"? 132 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,281 Ooh. Sorry I didn't track her down. 133 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,749 She sounds great! 134 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,685 She's actually kind of a bitch. 135 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,119 Face it, robin. 136 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,021 You hate women, and... 137 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,890 Women hate you. 138 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,093 Ted didn't go to his prom? 139 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,862 Classic. 140 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,298 While lily was dropping the ball as robin's maid of honor, 141 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:36,468 The best man was busy knocking it out of the park. 142 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,703 (sucks air through teeth) 143 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:40,138 Hey, buddy, listen, 144 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,374 My great-aunt ida has corns on her feet 145 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,142 And needs a first-floor room. 146 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,977 Uh, would you mind switching rooms? 147 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,046 Say no more. The best man is on it. 148 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,214 Thanks, ted. 149 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:01,960 (shouts) 150 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,464 (whoops) (sucks air through teeth) hey, buddy, listen, 151 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,132 The wedding doves got here early, 152 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,900 And I don't know where to put 'em... 153 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,570 Say no more. The best man is on it! 154 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,004 Thanks, ted. 155 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,407 (cooing) poor guys. 156 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,976 All cooped up. 157 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:22,814 I guess there's no harm in letting you out for a bit, huh? 158 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,983 They carpet-bombed my entire room. 159 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,418 Wish I'd closed 160 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,020 My suitcase. 161 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:32,057 And my mouth. 162 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,593 (sucks air through teeth) hey, buddy, listen, 163 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:38,230 I see you wrote "n-o-period" instead of the number sign. 164 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,198 I'm worried that might confuse the guests... Say no more. 165 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,900 The best man is on it. 166 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,368 Thanks, ted. (knocking) 167 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,170 Here they are. 168 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:48,373 Freshly penned table cards in a pretty decent chancery 169 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:51,109 Considering I only had my travel quills. 170 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,012 Wait. Why's the poker game started? 171 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:56,681 Oh, um, the best man moved the time. 172 00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:57,916 Mm, no, he didn't. 173 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,418 Yes, he did. 174 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:00,952 Heya, ted. 175 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,255 Thanks for the sweet lid, bro. 176 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:10,262 (quietly): Billy zabka's your new best man? 177 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:14,065 He's the best... Around. 178 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,435 Sorry, ted. Maybe next wedding. W... 179 00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,637 So you're playing the best man poker game without me? 180 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,439 Tim gunn's here and I'm not? 181 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,275 I'm barney's personal tailor, of course I'm here. 182 00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:25,444 Plus, I've never played poker before. 183 00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,746 It looks like a hoot. 184 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:28,980 I moved into a dungeon. 185 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,982 I wrote hundreds of cards. 186 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,485 I even gave your batty great-aunt ida a foot massage 187 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:36,421 So vigorous it put her to sleep right there in the lobby. 188 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,890 Yeah, I don't really have a great-aunt ida. 189 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:46,731 So you are mad about me and robin holding hands. 190 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:47,966 Of course I'm mad, ted. 191 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,167 Holding hands is, like, 192 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,836 The fourth-grade equivalent of banging. 193 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,003 Well, in your case, 12th grade. 194 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,004 Self-five. 195 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,107 You broke the bro code. 196 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,510 No, I did not. I only went to help robin as a friend 197 00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,945 Because you didn't show up. 198 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,513 I did not break the bro code. 199 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:02,681 It's in the text. 200 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,950 A bro shall not have a weird moment 201 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:07,586 With another bro's fiancée. Well, 202 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,322 Too bad we're in farhampton and can't actually check. 203 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,757 I am pleased to announce that the bro code has replaced 204 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:15,527 The gideons bible at select hotels throughout the country. 205 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,163 Oh. 206 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,365 I'm sorry I said you hate women. 207 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,833 Yeah, don't be. 208 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,635 For whatever reason, I just... 209 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,804 (sighs) I can't seem to connect with them. Down! 210 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,772 Can you help me? I've got 211 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,007 A bunch more wedding gifts in the van. 212 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,944 Yay! I love robin so much! 213 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,113 (quietly): Oh, god, I'm gonna strangle that bitch. 214 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:38,116 Robin, what is it with you and women? 215 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,285 (groans) they're so annoying. 216 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,988 I'm glad that you're my only female friend. 217 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,890 Girls are always whining and crying 218 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,825 Over every little thing. (groans) 219 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,026 (crying) 220 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,295 Yes. That's exactly... 221 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:53,965 Thank you. "oh, oh, boo-hoo. 222 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,500 "look at me. I'm a sensitive 223 00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,335 Little girl..." oh. God, I'm sorry. 224 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,837 You're actually crying. (groans) 225 00:08:58,839 --> 00:08:59,838 It's just 226 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,706 So sad. (sobs) 227 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,876 I can't be your only girlfriend. Well, I... 228 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,078 I don't need anybody else. I got... I got you. 229 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,082 For another six days and then I'm off to rome for a year. 230 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,853 (gasps) what are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch 231 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,088 With a side of sassy gossip? 232 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,891 A one-shot power play?! 233 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,060 Hey! Hey, boston! 234 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,228 Why not drop your hockey pants 235 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,197 And actually take a dump on the ice next time?! 236 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:29,901 (cackles) I love it! 237 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,202 (groans) 238 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:34,839 See? It is just too horrible to even think about. 239 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:35,907 Yeah. You... 240 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,009 Need another female friend. 241 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,011 (sighs) whenever I try to talk to women, 242 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,714 They look like they want to punch me. Well, 243 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,717 Maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe. 244 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:49,020 Like, what do you say to other women at the gym? 245 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,589 Oh, well, I haven't been to the gym in forever. 246 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,757 My metabolism is all messed up. 247 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,026 See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple 248 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:58,863 For a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. 249 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,065 (groans) well, everywhere 250 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,499 Except for my boobs. 251 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:03,635 So annoying. 252 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:08,573 You're gonna need a lot of work. 253 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,642 It's in here. Somewhere. 254 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,611 I... It has to be. 255 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,713 Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order. 256 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,714 (groans) 257 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,282 Who cares about the bro code? 258 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,284 It's just some stupid book you made up. 259 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:22,120 (gasps) how dare you? 260 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,290 The bro code has been around for centuries. 261 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,058 Nay... 262 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,628 Whatever's more than centuries. 263 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,929 Please don't launch into a fake history lesson. 264 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:34,599 The bro code can trace its lineage all the way back 265 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,901 To broses himself. 266 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,904 Article one: 267 00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:43,008 Bros before ho's. 268 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,075 Ted: Okay. 269 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,077 I see what you're doing. You can't prove that 270 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,979 I broke the bro code, so you're just making up stories about... 271 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,415 This sacred text was eventually brought 272 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:53,952 To the new world in 1776 by none other 273 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,187 Than christopher brolumbus. 274 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,690 Article 62: 275 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:02,861 A bro who calls dibs first has dibs. 276 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,463 Oh? Dibs! 277 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,767 And that's why he got to bang pocahontas. 278 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,136 Pocahontas was with john smith. Maybe 279 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:12,337 According to the hotel register. 280 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,805 Whatever mrs. Brolumbus didn't know 281 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,140 Couldn't hurt her, am I right? 282 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,108 Well, except maybe that new world syphilis. 283 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,109 But I digress. 284 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,945 Barney, if you believe in the bro code, 285 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,781 How come you've broken it so many times? 286 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,982 (gasps loudly) 287 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,016 How dare you! 288 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,318 I have never broken the bro code! 289 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,821 Hmm? Hmm? Ah. 290 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,523 "article 104: 291 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:35,226 The mom of a bro is always off limits." 292 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:38,496 Okay, look, we've all had a lot of fun 293 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,498 Joking about me banging your mom. 294 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,000 Not all of us. Continue. 295 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:45,537 But I swear nothing ever happened between the two of us. 296 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,338 Trust me. 297 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,874 And what's going on with your fingers? 298 00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,978 (whispering): That's how our bodies were intertwined. 299 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,914 All right, this is ridiculous! 300 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,415 It's ridiculous that you won't admit 301 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,050 Holding robin's hand was weird. 302 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,351 It wasn't weird! 303 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:01,886 Yes, it was. 304 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:04,689 You know what? 305 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:09,027 We need a third impartial bro to settle this. 306 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,595 To resolve this, 307 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,330 I really need to parse 308 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,565 The text of the bro code. 309 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,766 It's too bad 310 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,000 Marshall doesn't have a copy. 311 00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,069 Actually, I do. 312 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,839 They were in the, uh, seat back pockets on my flight 313 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,373 In place of the safety cards. 314 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,876 I'm also pleased to announce the bro code is now available 315 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,411 In select airlines across the country. 316 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,912 And lufthansa. 317 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:31,349 Der bro code is, like, huge in germany. 318 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,251 Okay, so prove to me 319 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,687 You can make a female friend. 320 00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,555 What about her? 321 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,091 Ugh! The girl with the bangs? 322 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,360 Any chick who does that to her hair 323 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,129 Is going through a big life transition 324 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,064 I don't want to hear about. 325 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,867 Next time, grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. 326 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,068 Ha-pass. 327 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,369 Okay, well... 328 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,904 What about her? 329 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,106 Ugh! Comfortable shoes? 330 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,307 (laughing) 331 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,309 What, are you filibustering later? 332 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,145 It's after 5:00. Put on some heels. 333 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,412 Ha-pass. 334 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,449 Okay, well, what about...? Ugh! 335 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,751 I haven't even pointed to anyone yet! 336 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,319 Marshall: Now, 337 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:12,056 Although not expressly stated in the bro code, 338 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,925 A weird moment between 339 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,795 A bro and his bro's fiancée is, 340 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,931 In my bropinion... A violation. 341 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,733 No! Yes! However, 342 00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,968 Ted was helping robin as a friend. 343 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,136 Therefore, 344 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,137 Holding her hand 345 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,940 Isn't necessarily a weird moment. 346 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,341 No! Yes! 347 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,509 That being said... 348 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,677 What? (mutters) 349 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,112 ...If we decide 350 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,514 That holding any friend's hand is weird, 351 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,417 Then, yes, ted did break the bro code. 352 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,652 So, the question is this. 353 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,320 If ted had gone to the park 354 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,322 And held barney's hand, 355 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,424 Would it have been weird? 356 00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,727 No? Yes? 357 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,000 See? 358 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,836 (scoffs) 359 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,772 It's not weird at all. 360 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:03,308 I don't know what to say. 361 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,509 Just be yourself. 362 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,810 Say something nice. 363 00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,545 Which one? I can't do both. 364 00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,018 Slut alert. 365 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,587 That's my 14-year-old daughter. 366 00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:19,958 Crappy mom alert. 367 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,125 Ugh! 368 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:22,527 It's you. Nice bangs. 369 00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:26,664 What is wrong with you?! 370 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,900 I can't do this, okay? 371 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,168 I was raised as a boy. 372 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,836 I don't get along with women. 373 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,571 Can we just drop it? 374 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,974 Okay, I never thought I'd take a page 375 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,643 Out of your fiancé's playbook, but... 376 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:42,447 It's time to target the crying chick. 377 00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:47,185 Not weird at all. 378 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,020 Barney: Marshall, 379 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,421 Why are we doing this?! 380 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,924 Two dudes on a beach with a lifeless blob 381 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,559 They're pretending is alive? 382 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,927 It's stupid. 383 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:56,995 So, I guess that means 384 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,264 Weekend at bernie's is stupid, too. 385 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,098 (gasps) 386 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,232 E-lawyered. 387 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,034 Now, before 388 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,435 I can render a decision, 389 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,904 We need to recreate the variables 390 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:08,273 At the carousel as closely as possible. 391 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,442 Since ted says that he was comforting robin, 392 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,777 He needs to do 393 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,781 The same for barney, so, ted, comfort barney. 394 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,583 I don't see how that... 395 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,451 Comfort... Barney. 396 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,453 (sputters) 397 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:26,090 Barney, what is going on with you? 398 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,393 Why are you so upset with me? 399 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:31,062 Marshall, this is stupid! I don't... 400 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,931 Accept the comfort. 401 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,233 Fine! 402 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,534 (sighs) 403 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,637 I guess... I'm not really mad at you. 404 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,773 I'm mad at myself. I should have met robin 405 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,775 At the carousel when she called, 406 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,911 But I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds. 407 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:47,912 Laser tag. 408 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:50,014 Helpful. Continue. 409 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:54,585 Look, ted, I'm sorry that I've been taking it out on you. 410 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,055 You were just being a good friend to robin. 411 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,290 It's okay. 412 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,893 It would be different if you still had feelings for her, 413 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,895 But you don't, right? 414 00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,166 Right? 415 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,202 (thunder booming) 416 00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:15,707 Okay, now it's weird. 417 00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:24,148 You still have feelings for robin?! 418 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,618 What?! What?! What?! What?! 419 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,120 Okay, yes, sometimes I do. 420 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,688 Well, then, turn 'em off! 421 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,657 I would love to, but it doesn't work that way! 422 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,660 I'm a... I'm a human being. I-I-I don't have an off switch. 423 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,729 I'm shutting off. 424 00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,532 There, there. 425 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,534 Sister? 426 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,804 Who needs a lady hug? 427 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,806 Ugh! What the hell are you doing?! 428 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,142 Wait. Did you just "ugh" my hug? 429 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,276 I don't need a hug. 430 00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,511 I'm pissed off because 431 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,047 The rangers just lost to the boston bruins. 432 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,182 Both: I hate the boston bruins! 433 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,185 (laughs) 434 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,955 Look, barney, I hate these feelings. 435 00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:05,890 I hate myself for having these feelings. 436 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,793 No one wishes they would go away more than I do, 437 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:12,030 But I just... I... I can't seem to make that happen. I've tried. 438 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,631 Well, then, try harder! 439 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,733 I'm marrying her in less than two days! 440 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,969 What the hell are we gonna do about this?! 441 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,408 Narrator: As she watched robin make a new friend, lily was happy... 442 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,644 For two seconds. 443 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,346 Oh, no! Oh, come on, ref! 444 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,348 I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished 445 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,916 Since my last trip to vegas. 446 00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,986 And I was on that trip, because we are best friends now. 447 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:35,920 (laughs) 448 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,056 (both laughing) hey, 449 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,058 This might sound a little nutty, but 450 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,427 How about we inject a sexual edge 451 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,028 Into our abiding friendship that... 452 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:47,432 Both: ...In no way jeopardizes our emotional connection, 453 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,267 Or respective marriages?! 454 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,501 (both giggling) 455 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,736 Lily: Aw! 456 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,603 Hell, no! 457 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,605 Excuse me. 458 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,608 I've got a boston brewin', if you know what I mean. 459 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,210 (laughs) 460 00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,612 You listen, and you listen good. 461 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,548 If I see your face around robin again, 462 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,416 You will be crying about a lot more 463 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,418 Than your precious new york rogers. 464 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,087 Rangers? I will cut you! 465 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:12,990 (lily mutters gibberish) 466 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,627 Forgot my purse. 467 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,863 (mutters) 468 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,098 You know what? 469 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,933 That's why I only need you. 470 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,901 'cause you're a psycho. 471 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,070 My psycho. 472 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,673 I am, aren't I? Mm-hmm. 473 00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:32,076 (giggling) 474 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,244 There's the blushing bride! 475 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,146 Back off, patrice! 476 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:41,052 Look, barney, the truth is, it was weird at the carousel. 477 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:42,587 On some level, it's probably been weird 478 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,455 Between me and robin ever since we broke up. 479 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,623 But you're my brother. 480 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,824 I would never do anything 481 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,059 To hurt you, ever. 482 00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:49,894 (scoffs) I mean it, I swear! 483 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,996 I'll-I'll even swear it on the bro code. 484 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,264 The bro code's stupid. 485 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,166 (gasps) how dare you! 486 00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:57,869 I'd be honored. 487 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,477 I can't promise that I'll ever get to a place where it won't be 488 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,813 At least a little weird between me and robin. 489 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:12,316 But I don't want to lose you as a friend, either of you. 490 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,520 So I will do everything I can 491 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:18,122 To move on and live with it. 492 00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:22,393 The question is... Can you? 493 00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:26,931 (sighs) 494 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:30,368 I'm sorry, ted. I just... Can't do this. 495 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,937 I fold. 496 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:36,440 What about the best man? 497 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:41,712 I fold, too. 498 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,447 I fold. 499 00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:44,782 There goes my belly buster. 500 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,017 You sandbag all night, 501 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,553 Only to bluff a couple of rags, pre-flop, 502 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,154 And wind up with a dry board. 503 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,522 That's what you get 504 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,992 For limping in shorts-tacked with a pack of donkeys. 505 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,961 Muck city. 506 00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:00,398 I fold! 507 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,666 Yeah... Oh, right. I knew that. 508 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,201 I knew that, I knew that, I knew that. 509 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,302 Okay, two players left. 510 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,810 You are bluffing, robot man. 511 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,345 I raise. 512 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:16,147 Barney: Oh. 513 00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:18,015 Hey, billy, do you mind 514 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:21,586 Pushing my chips into the center of the pot? 515 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,855 Preferably with gusto, because... 516 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,991 I'm all in! 517 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,193 Oh! Oh, boy! 518 00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:31,095 All right, all right. All: Oh! 519 00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:34,899 (cheering and laughing) 520 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,568 Narrator: And that's how I became barney's best man again. 521 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,038 Everything was back to going off without a hitch. 522 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,910 I'm coming for you, mosby. 523 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,979 Narrator: Okay, there was one slight hitch.