1
00:00:00,664 --> 00:00:02,798
NARRATOR: It was the day
of Barney and Robin's wedding,
2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,080
and a surprise guest
had just arrived.
3
00:00:05,081 --> 00:00:07,548
ROBIN: Mom, I-I can't believe
you're here.
4
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:08,616
How did you get here?
5
00:00:08,618 --> 00:00:10,017
On a plane.
6
00:00:10,019 --> 00:00:12,887
With your fear of flying?
What, did the plane drive here?
7
00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:15,623
(laughs)
I've made enormous strides
8
00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:17,658
since you last saw me, dear.
9
00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,627
This is nice.
(chuckles)
10
00:00:19,629 --> 00:00:21,629
I don't love flying,
I must admit.
11
00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:24,064
I haven't been on a
plane in years, but...
12
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,733
maybe this won't
be such a bad...
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00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,735
PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen,
we are cleared for takeoff.
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00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,704
(screams)
We're all gonna die!
15
00:00:30,706 --> 00:00:32,640
We're all gonna die!
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00:00:32,642 --> 00:00:33,874
(screaming)
17
00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:36,510
During the flight, I'll admit,
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00:00:36,512 --> 00:00:39,246
I-I had a few...
difficult moments,
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00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,314
but, you know,
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00:00:40,316 --> 00:00:41,882
by the time we'd landed...
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00:00:41,884 --> 00:00:43,450
Here already.
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00:00:43,452 --> 00:00:47,721
Well, I have to say,
it wasn't so dreadful after all.
23
00:00:47,723 --> 00:00:51,025
Oh, I do apologize if
I caused any distress.
24
00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:54,228
And, oh, I'm terribly
sorry about the door.
25
00:00:54,230 --> 00:00:57,698
I had no idea it would
fly off like that.
26
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,667
Please, please
send me a bill,
27
00:00:59,669 --> 00:01:01,969
because I'd like
to replace it.
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00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:05,573
I'll be taking the train home.
29
00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:10,850
? How I Met Your Mother 9x20 ?
Daisy
Original Air Date on March 10, 2014
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00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:15,875
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
31
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Well, it's official:
I'm gonna be
32
00:01:24,235 --> 00:01:26,201
Judge Marshall Eriksen.
33
00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:28,003
That is great.
34
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,239
Can you help me get
a driver's license?
35
00:01:30,241 --> 00:01:32,174
A what?
36
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,508
Marshall, you, uh,
you don't sound
37
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,943
too excited to
become a judge.
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00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:36,745
(sighs) I feel
kind of guilty about it.
39
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:39,414
I mean, I know how badly
Lily wanted to move to Italy.
40
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:40,782
Don't do this, bro.
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00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:42,217
Classic mistake.
42
00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:43,785
You won-- enjoy it.
43
00:01:43,787 --> 00:01:47,189
Drink the blood of your
vanquished enemy and move on.
44
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:49,424
You're gonna be
a great husband.
45
00:01:49,426 --> 00:01:50,993
No, no, wait,
he has a point.
46
00:01:50,995 --> 00:01:52,928
I mean, you said yourself,
it was her decision.
47
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:54,663
Lily chose to
give up her job
48
00:01:54,665 --> 00:01:56,932
and not move to Rome
so you could be a judge.
49
00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:58,233
Yeah, but something
seemed off.
50
00:01:58,235 --> 00:02:00,636
We had this big fight
and she stormed out,
51
00:02:00,638 --> 00:02:03,639
and when she came back, she had
totally, like, changed her mind.
52
00:02:03,641 --> 00:02:04,773
Wait, what time
was this?
53
00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:07,476
A little after 3:00 a.m.,
Billy Zabka. Why?
54
00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:08,777
Well, last night,
I was out
55
00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:10,245
doing some late-night
dirt-biking in the sand.
56
00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:11,813
Naturally. Continue.
And I ended up
57
00:02:11,815 --> 00:02:14,216
at that EZ Pick a few
miles up the road.
58
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,684
And, well...
59
00:02:23,192 --> 00:02:24,793
That's odd.
60
00:02:24,795 --> 00:02:27,062
SEVERAL PEOPLE:
Boo...!
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00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,865
You saw Lily
getting into someone's car?
62
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,066
I wonder who it was.
63
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,068
What did
the license plate say?
64
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,503
It said...
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00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:36,371
"AHOY!!!"
66
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,807
The Captain!
Lily's boss.
67
00:02:38,809 --> 00:02:40,175
He has a house out here.
68
00:02:40,177 --> 00:02:42,411
Wait, why was Lily getting
into the Captain's car
69
00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:43,912
at 3:00 in the morning?
70
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,914
Guys...
71
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,551
I hate to even say this, but...
72
00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:52,254
do you think it's possible...
73
00:02:53,189 --> 00:02:55,457
...that I could eat
six of these saltines
74
00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:56,925
in under a minute?
75
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,261
Challenge accepted!
76
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,764
Well, I can't wait
to meet this Barney.
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00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,033
I haven't met him
already, have I?
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00:03:05,035 --> 00:03:07,102
Because they said
after getting Tasered,
79
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,672
I might suffer from
short-term memory loss.
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00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:12,174
Oh, you'd remember
if you'd met Barney.
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00:03:12,176 --> 00:03:15,711
Why don't I see what
he's doing right now?
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00:03:15,713 --> 00:03:16,812
(phone ringing)
83
00:03:16,814 --> 00:03:19,014
Barney's phone.
Ted, where's Barney?
84
00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:19,948
He's trying to eat
85
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,550
six saltines in
under a minute.
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00:03:21,552 --> 00:03:24,386
Well, his future
mother-in-law is here.
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00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:25,721
Robin's mom is here.
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00:03:26,856 --> 00:03:28,190
And she wants to meet him.
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00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:29,424
She wants to meet you.
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00:03:31,928 --> 00:03:34,496
He's kind of in the middle of a
saltine challenge at the moment.
91
00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:38,834
But as soon as he's done,
he'll just, uh, pop right over.
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00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,235
All right. Good-bye.
93
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:41,670
ROBIN:
The saltine challenge?
94
00:03:41,672 --> 00:03:43,038
Now?
(Lily chuckles)
95
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,673
It's his wedding day.
96
00:03:44,675 --> 00:03:46,341
Guys do weird things
on their wedding day.
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00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:47,642
Well, on my wedding day,
98
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,778
Robin's father
completely disappeared
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00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,279
for about three hours.
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00:03:51,281 --> 00:03:52,614
He just said,
"I've got to go
101
00:03:52,616 --> 00:03:55,517
and teach somebody some
manners," and off he went.
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00:03:55,519 --> 00:03:56,385
And then
103
00:03:56,387 --> 00:03:57,552
three hours later,
104
00:03:57,554 --> 00:04:00,288
he emerged from the
woods with a dead elk
105
00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,024
slung across his shoulder.
106
00:04:02,026 --> 00:04:06,495
And I didn't even know that
there were elk in Bermuda.
107
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,429
But this Barney--
108
00:04:07,431 --> 00:04:09,931
he sounds like a fine young man.
109
00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:11,333
Yes, he is.
110
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,402
We're going again.
111
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:15,537
Marshall, are you okay?
112
00:04:15,539 --> 00:04:16,905
Why did she get into
the Captain's car,
113
00:04:16,907 --> 00:04:18,206
and why didn't she
tell me about it?
114
00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:19,975
Well, maybe it was a work thing.
What? No.
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00:04:19,977 --> 00:04:21,276
She has a big
fight with me,
116
00:04:21,278 --> 00:04:22,611
she goes down
to an EZ Pick,
117
00:04:22,613 --> 00:04:23,845
she gets into
the Captain's Mercedes,
118
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:24,946
and then three
hours later,
119
00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:26,548
she doesn't want to go
to Italy anymore?
120
00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:28,116
I mean, do you
think this means...
121
00:04:28,118 --> 00:04:30,285
That the Captain moored
his dinghy in Lily's lagoon?
122
00:04:30,287 --> 00:04:31,253
Most definitely.
123
00:04:31,255 --> 00:04:32,554
That's crazy.
124
00:04:32,556 --> 00:04:34,256
You'd never moor a
dinghy in a lagoon.
125
00:04:34,258 --> 00:04:35,223
I don't know, Ted.
126
00:04:35,225 --> 00:04:36,491
In certain
tidal conditions,
127
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,659
if you had a
protected inlet...
128
00:04:37,661 --> 00:04:39,127
Okay, you know what?
It doesn't matter.
129
00:04:39,129 --> 00:04:40,695
Today is
Barney's wedding.
130
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,664
Let's just forget it.
131
00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,000
Marshall...
132
00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:47,269
do you want to go over to
the Captain's house right now,
133
00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:48,603
punch him in the face
really fast
134
00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,705
and then come back
and do this wedding?
135
00:04:53,276 --> 00:04:54,743
Would that be okay?
136
00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:56,111
Ranjit, get the car.
137
00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:57,879
Getting the car.
138
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,082
Baby, I can't wait
to meet your mom,
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00:05:00,084 --> 00:05:01,716
but I kind of got to go on
140
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,518
a little excursion
with the boys right now.
141
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,986
What?
Where are you going?
142
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:08,423
Me and the boys have to go
teach someone some manners.
143
00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:13,895
Are there any elk
on Long Island?
144
00:05:18,134 --> 00:05:20,135
? My gallant
housekeeping crew ?
145
00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:21,136
? Good morning.
146
00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:23,205
? Sir! Good morning.
147
00:05:23,207 --> 00:05:25,207
? I hope you are quite well.
148
00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,542
? Quite well, and you, sir?
149
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,177
? I am in reasonable health.
150
00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:30,879
? And happy to meet you
all once... ?
151
00:05:30,881 --> 00:05:31,847
(doorbell rings)
152
00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:33,615
Oh, bother it!
153
00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:34,816
I'll get it.
154
00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:40,585
Ahoy, Marshall!
155
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:41,668
(Captain grunts)
156
00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:44,985
Are you okay, Robin?
No, I'm not okay,
157
00:05:44,986 --> 00:05:47,486
because apparently,
I am marrying my dad
158
00:05:47,488 --> 00:05:48,821
in a few hours.
159
00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:50,322
Oh, sweetie, no.
160
00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:52,358
I'm sure that's not true.
161
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,692
I mean, th-there's
so much
162
00:05:53,694 --> 00:05:55,194
you don't know
about your father.
163
00:05:55,196 --> 00:05:57,363
There were... oh, there
were so many other
164
00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:59,031
red flags in our marriage.
165
00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:00,432
I mean, for instance,
166
00:06:00,434 --> 00:06:01,400
do you know that
167
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,202
before he was engaged to me,
168
00:06:03,204 --> 00:06:06,172
he was engaged to marry
an exotic dancer?
169
00:06:06,174 --> 00:06:07,807
Hello!
170
00:06:07,809 --> 00:06:08,941
Red flag!
171
00:06:08,943 --> 00:06:10,476
LILY:
Oh, Genevieve,
172
00:06:10,478 --> 00:06:11,477
not good.
173
00:06:11,479 --> 00:06:13,646
And did you know
that one time,
174
00:06:13,648 --> 00:06:15,247
to impress women,
175
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,683
he dressed up like
a Prussian aristocrat,
176
00:06:17,685 --> 00:06:19,251
had a painting of himself made,
177
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:22,154
and posed next to it
in an art gallery?
178
00:06:22,156 --> 00:06:23,522
Can you imagine?
179
00:06:23,524 --> 00:06:25,891
Oh, that's a
rough one.
180
00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:28,360
Darling, darling,
the list goes on.
181
00:06:28,362 --> 00:06:31,530
He would always take
his mother's side in arguments.
182
00:06:31,532 --> 00:06:33,799
He never checked with me
before making plans.
183
00:06:33,801 --> 00:06:37,169
And our rehearsal dinner...
oh, boy, did we have it out
184
00:06:37,171 --> 00:06:39,972
right before our
rehearsal dinner!
185
00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:43,876
Thank you, Linus.
186
00:06:45,111 --> 00:06:46,145
GENEVIEVE:
For the first
187
00:06:46,147 --> 00:06:47,880
ten years I knew him,
188
00:06:47,882 --> 00:06:50,549
I didn't even know what
your father did for a living.
189
00:06:50,551 --> 00:06:51,817
Every time I used
to ask him,
190
00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:53,319
he'd just say...
Please!
191
00:06:53,321 --> 00:06:55,254
Yes, that's exactly
what he used to say.
192
00:06:55,256 --> 00:06:56,689
How did you know that?
193
00:06:58,225 --> 00:06:59,391
Heck of a jab,
Marshall.
194
00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:00,459
Well-placed.
195
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,493
MARSHALL:
Captain,
196
00:07:01,495 --> 00:07:02,995
I know something happened
197
00:07:02,997 --> 00:07:04,864
between you and Lily last night.
198
00:07:04,866 --> 00:07:05,898
What?
199
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:07,333
No. Nothing happened.
200
00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:08,567
Captain's honor.
201
00:07:08,569 --> 00:07:10,035
Well, you can ask my fiancée.
202
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:11,904
Fiancée?
What-what fiancée?
203
00:07:11,906 --> 00:07:12,905
Captain.
204
00:07:12,907 --> 00:07:14,640
Permission to clear things up?
Granted.
205
00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:15,774
Me.
206
00:07:15,776 --> 00:07:16,909
We're engaged.
207
00:07:16,911 --> 00:07:18,544
It's "boats,
boats, boats"!
208
00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:20,713
Ted, look!
Uh, yeah.
209
00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:23,015
I mean, yeah, I know her
from that commercial.
210
00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:24,216
Boats, boats, boats!
211
00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:26,151
And only from
that commercial.
212
00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:28,053
No, you
banged her.
213
00:07:28,055 --> 00:07:29,088
Remember?
214
00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:30,289
Like, a bunch
of times.
215
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:32,391
You knocked "boots,
boots, boots""
216
00:07:32,393 --> 00:07:33,859
MARSHALL: All right, Captain.
What the hell
217
00:07:33,861 --> 00:07:35,027
happened here
last night?
218
00:07:35,029 --> 00:07:37,229
Well, it was just
after four bells.
219
00:07:37,231 --> 00:07:38,130
(phone ringing)
220
00:07:38,132 --> 00:07:39,198
Ahoy!
221
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,566
(choked up):
Hi, I-I know it's late,
222
00:07:40,568 --> 00:07:41,901
but I've got to get out of here.
223
00:07:41,903 --> 00:07:44,236
CAPTAIN: So I sent the car.
When she got here...
224
00:07:44,238 --> 00:07:45,371
Lily, what a lovely...
225
00:07:45,373 --> 00:07:46,972
Can I use your powder room?
226
00:07:46,974 --> 00:07:49,008
And then she went
to the powder room.
227
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,542
She was in there
quite a while, actually.
228
00:07:50,544 --> 00:07:52,611
Probably a deuce.
Go on.
229
00:07:52,613 --> 00:07:53,813
CAPTAIN:
And when she came out,
230
00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:55,214
she had to leave right away.
231
00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:56,482
It was odd.
232
00:07:56,484 --> 00:07:58,751
But I assure you,
nothing inappropriate happened
233
00:07:58,753 --> 00:07:59,985
between me and your wife.
234
00:07:59,987 --> 00:08:01,954
Captain, I understand
what you're saying,
235
00:08:01,956 --> 00:08:04,390
but what you don't
understand is that
236
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:05,624
Lily is my wife,
237
00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:07,092
and I love her
way too much
238
00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:08,260
to behave rationally
right now!
239
00:08:08,262 --> 00:08:09,528
En garde!
240
00:08:10,263 --> 00:08:13,332
This is the best
day of my life.
241
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:16,101
Oh, darling,
come on, no, no.
242
00:08:16,103 --> 00:08:18,237
You're not marrying
your father.
243
00:08:18,239 --> 00:08:19,571
I mean,
your father...
244
00:08:19,573 --> 00:08:21,573
I mean, let's just
put it this way.
245
00:08:21,575 --> 00:08:23,542
Your father was
a sociopath.
246
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,245
He slept with
over 20 women.
247
00:08:26,247 --> 00:08:28,247
And sure, you know,
248
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:29,481
we were friends
for years first
249
00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:31,784
and it was entertaining
watching him lie
250
00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:34,486
to those poor girls
to get inside their snow pants,
251
00:08:34,488 --> 00:08:37,256
but I should have
known back then
252
00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,558
this was not
husband material.
253
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,260
I mean, even your
Uncle Jim, you know,
254
00:08:41,262 --> 00:08:42,461
his gay black brother...
255
00:08:42,463 --> 00:08:43,929
Will you shut up!
256
00:08:46,099 --> 00:08:47,466
Go for Barney!
257
00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:49,835
Your bride is freaking
the crap out right now.
258
00:08:49,837 --> 00:08:51,136
Where the hell are you?
259
00:08:51,138 --> 00:08:52,871
I warn you,
Captain,
260
00:08:52,873 --> 00:08:57,943
I've pretended to have a duel
with actual swords twice.
261
00:08:57,945 --> 00:08:59,278
I warn you, Marshall,
262
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,080
I was on the Olympic
fencing team.
263
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,948
Won three gold medals.
264
00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:04,616
I warn you, Captain,
265
00:09:04,618 --> 00:09:06,986
I'm starting to feel like
this was a mistake.
266
00:09:06,988 --> 00:09:09,521
I think I'd better
not say where I am.
267
00:09:09,523 --> 00:09:11,156
I am not kidding around here!
268
00:09:11,158 --> 00:09:12,524
Tell me where you are!
269
00:09:12,526 --> 00:09:13,726
(sighs)
270
00:09:13,728 --> 00:09:15,794
We're at the Captain's house.
271
00:09:19,599 --> 00:09:21,166
What is it?
What's wrong?
272
00:09:22,035 --> 00:09:25,337
I am so busted.
273
00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:31,176
Thank you, Linus.
274
00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:36,982
You have another piece of gum?
275
00:09:41,221 --> 00:09:42,988
LILY:
I can keep a secret.
276
00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,157
I can keep a secret real good.
277
00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:46,959
Are you chewing gum?
278
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,028
I can keep a secret
like nobody's business,
279
00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:51,730
'cause it is nobody's business.
280
00:09:51,732 --> 00:09:53,032
You never chew gum.
281
00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,767
You shouldn't
chew gum in here.
282
00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:57,069
'Cause it's a secret,
and I'm keeping it!
283
00:09:57,071 --> 00:09:58,904
Wait!
284
00:09:58,906 --> 00:10:00,039
Stop the duel!
285
00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:00,806
Oh, thank God.
286
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,207
I mean, why?
287
00:10:02,209 --> 00:10:03,175
TED:
Why?
288
00:10:03,177 --> 00:10:04,843
Because I just solved
the mystery,
289
00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:05,878
that's why.
290
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,480
Mosby Boys!
291
00:10:10,016 --> 00:10:12,251
We agreed you wouldn't
do that anymore.
292
00:10:13,019 --> 00:10:14,720
Mystery? What mystery?
293
00:10:14,722 --> 00:10:16,855
Lily has a secret.
294
00:10:18,258 --> 00:10:19,992
She's hiding something,
295
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,694
and I know what it is.
296
00:10:31,371 --> 00:10:33,872
Okay, what is she hiding?
297
00:10:33,874 --> 00:10:35,774
I'll tell you in a minute.
298
00:10:35,776 --> 00:10:39,344
I want to enjoy the suspense
a little bit first.
299
00:10:40,313 --> 00:10:42,481
Ooh.
300
00:10:49,927 --> 00:10:52,695
Oh, my God, will
you just tell us!
301
00:10:55,032 --> 00:10:56,699
Very well.
302
00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:57,934
Now, we can all agree
303
00:10:57,936 --> 00:11:00,537
that this is the first
time I've ever set foot
304
00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:02,005
in this house, correct?
305
00:11:02,007 --> 00:11:04,207
Oh, this is
going to be unbearable.
306
00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:06,142
Now, Captain, your powder room--
307
00:11:06,144 --> 00:11:08,778
does it face out
on the ocean?
308
00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:10,880
Of course, right over the cliff.
309
00:11:10,882 --> 00:11:12,048
Just as I suspected.
310
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:13,449
And if I were to walk
311
00:11:13,451 --> 00:11:15,351
into this powder
room right now,
312
00:11:15,353 --> 00:11:17,854
I believe I'd see a
potted plant of some sort.
313
00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:19,055
Is that correct?
314
00:11:19,057 --> 00:11:21,057
Yes. There's a daisy.
315
00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:23,359
A daisy. Interesting.
316
00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:25,929
Uh, not traditionally
an indoor plant,
317
00:11:25,931 --> 00:11:29,032
but I suppose
it gets plenty of light
318
00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,833
with the southern exposure.
319
00:11:30,835 --> 00:11:32,569
That's right, it does.
320
00:11:32,571 --> 00:11:34,904
Will you please fetch the daisy?
321
00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:37,140
Aye-aye.
322
00:11:38,409 --> 00:11:39,809
I totally solved it.
323
00:11:39,811 --> 00:11:41,177
You didn't solve it.
324
00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:43,880
You didn't solve it.
325
00:11:43,882 --> 00:11:45,081
You didn't
solve it.
326
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:46,583
You didn't solve it.
327
00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:48,585
Did you solve...?
No, you didn't solve it.
328
00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:50,386
I solved it!
329
00:11:50,388 --> 00:11:51,821
Ah.
330
00:11:51,823 --> 00:11:53,590
Thank you, Captain.
331
00:11:53,592 --> 00:11:55,625
Now...
332
00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,760
a simple question.
333
00:11:57,762 --> 00:12:01,230
When Lily and Marshall are apart
for an extended period of time,
334
00:12:01,232 --> 00:12:04,934
what is the one thing
Lily always does?
335
00:12:04,936 --> 00:12:05,935
Cry?
336
00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:07,170
Masturbate?
337
00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:08,037
Karate?
338
00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:09,105
Go sailing?
339
00:12:09,107 --> 00:12:11,107
No.
340
00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:13,376
When Lily and Marshall are apart
341
00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:16,879
for a long period of time,
342
00:12:16,881 --> 00:12:20,483
Lily... always...
343
00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:30,693
...starts smoking again.
344
00:12:31,495 --> 00:12:33,363
That's true, she does.
345
00:12:33,365 --> 00:12:35,398
Happened when she went
to Paris in college.
346
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,501
It happened when she moved
to San Francisco, and last week,
347
00:12:38,503 --> 00:12:40,370
it happened again.
348
00:12:40,372 --> 00:12:42,705
From the moment Marshall left
for Minnesota,
349
00:12:42,707 --> 00:12:44,641
Lily's been secretly
puffing down the ciggies
350
00:12:44,643 --> 00:12:47,610
like a 46-year-old grandma
at a Reno slot machine.
351
00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:49,812
Problem was,
come Friday morning,
352
00:12:49,814 --> 00:12:53,049
she knew she'd have
to quit again,cold turkey.
353
00:12:53,051 --> 00:12:54,851
And it wouldn't be easy.
354
00:12:54,853 --> 00:12:56,886
She tried to make it
a whole car ride
355
00:12:56,888 --> 00:12:58,154
without a fix, but couldn't.
356
00:12:58,156 --> 00:12:59,822
So, she pretended to be annoyed
357
00:12:59,824 --> 00:13:02,759
by perfectly reasonable things,
like my stylish driving gloves
358
00:13:02,761 --> 00:13:06,396
and my appreciation of the
historic van Otterloop manse.
359
00:13:06,398 --> 00:13:11,934
All so she could have
one last smoke on the train.
360
00:13:11,936 --> 00:13:14,237
But afterwards,
her breath told the tale.
361
00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:17,573
And that's why,
when she got to the hotel,
362
00:13:17,575 --> 00:13:19,509
Lily...
363
00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:22,578
was chewing... gum.
364
00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:23,780
Lily never chews gum.
365
00:13:23,782 --> 00:13:24,681
What? Never?
366
00:13:24,683 --> 00:13:25,748
Well, hardly ever.
367
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:27,283
Great job, Ted.
368
00:13:27,285 --> 00:13:29,986
That's some pretty
solid evidence. Gum.
369
00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:33,456
(laughing):
Oh, Barney, my dear boy.
370
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,058
I'm just getting started.
371
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,459
Getting started?
372
00:13:36,461 --> 00:13:37,593
TED:
Lily knew that cigarette
373
00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:38,995
was probably her last
for a while.
374
00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:41,097
She needed something
to keep her nerves calm,
375
00:13:41,099 --> 00:13:42,732
so she headed to the bar.
376
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:45,301
Anytime you see me
without a drink in my hand,
377
00:13:45,303 --> 00:13:47,570
you put a drink in my hand.
378
00:13:47,572 --> 00:13:50,273
Are you my guy, Linus?
379
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:53,443
TED: What followed was
a long day and a half for Lily.
380
00:13:53,445 --> 00:13:55,378
A really long day and a half.
381
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,913
Oh, it's kind of insane
382
00:13:56,915 --> 00:13:59,148
how much happened
in just a day and a half.
383
00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:00,950
Anyway, Marshall returned,
384
00:14:00,952 --> 00:14:04,387
they had a big fight,
Lily stormed out.
385
00:14:04,389 --> 00:14:05,555
And that's when she realized,
386
00:14:05,557 --> 00:14:07,523
if she was gonna sneak one
this weekend,
387
00:14:07,525 --> 00:14:08,725
this was her chance.
388
00:14:08,727 --> 00:14:11,627
And after that fight,
boy, did she need one.
389
00:14:11,629 --> 00:14:14,731
Only problem: she was all out.
390
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,032
Now,
391
00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:17,166
it's 3:00 a.m.,
392
00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:18,367
you need a cigarette,
393
00:14:18,369 --> 00:14:20,069
and the only place
that's open is an EZ Pick
394
00:14:20,071 --> 00:14:21,370
that's five miles down the road.
395
00:14:21,372 --> 00:14:22,538
You have no car.
396
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,240
What do you do? Go.
397
00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:25,208
Dirt-bike it.
398
00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:26,309
I can walk that far.
399
00:14:26,311 --> 00:14:27,276
Masturbate.
400
00:14:27,278 --> 00:14:28,277
Take a boat.
401
00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:30,780
What? A boat? No.
402
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:33,116
Dude, she got a ride
in your car, remember?
403
00:14:33,118 --> 00:14:34,650
(phone ringing)
404
00:14:34,652 --> 00:14:35,818
Ahoy.
405
00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:36,786
Hi. I-I know it's late,
406
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,187
but I've got to get out of here.
407
00:14:38,189 --> 00:14:40,289
I want to make
one stop first.
408
00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:43,760
TED:
The problem was,
409
00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:46,662
Lily didn't want to smoke
in front of her new employer.
410
00:14:46,664 --> 00:14:47,930
So, when she arrived
411
00:14:47,932 --> 00:14:49,899
at the Captain's house,
there was only one
412
00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:51,100
possible course of action.
413
00:14:51,102 --> 00:14:52,635
Can I use your powder room?
414
00:14:54,705 --> 00:14:56,839
TED:
Now,
415
00:14:56,841 --> 00:14:57,707
you're Lily.
416
00:14:57,709 --> 00:14:58,975
You've just had a cigarette
417
00:14:58,977 --> 00:15:00,076
in your boss's powder room.
418
00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:01,844
What do you do
with the cigarette butt?
419
00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:03,446
Throw it out the window?
Flush it?
420
00:15:03,448 --> 00:15:05,081
No, she-she wouldn't do
either of those things.
421
00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:06,382
She's an environmentalist.
422
00:15:06,384 --> 00:15:07,383
Stick it in your purse?
423
00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:08,451
Marshall could find it there.
424
00:15:08,453 --> 00:15:09,819
Throw it in the trash can.
425
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,287
The Captain would
find it there.
426
00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:13,022
Hide it in a boat.
427
00:15:13,024 --> 00:15:14,957
A boat? Wait.
How would that...
428
00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:16,125
I don't know.
429
00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:18,628
I just... I like boats.
430
00:15:19,797 --> 00:15:21,764
No.
431
00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:24,167
There's only one place
that she would put it.
432
00:15:24,169 --> 00:15:26,102
A place where, eventually,
433
00:15:26,104 --> 00:15:29,438
it would decompose and serve
as a natural mulch.
434
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,341
It's in the daisy.
435
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:34,277
And sure enough,
436
00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:36,379
if I dig around...
437
00:15:36,381 --> 00:15:40,316
I am all but guaranteed
to find...
438
00:15:42,119 --> 00:15:43,820
A pregnancy test.
439
00:15:46,056 --> 00:15:47,824
You could smoke those?
440
00:15:53,997 --> 00:15:56,165
(vomiting)
441
00:15:57,968 --> 00:16:00,136
(panting)
442
00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:03,506
Oh, no.
443
00:16:03,508 --> 00:16:04,974
So, you want
the Kennedy package?
444
00:16:04,976 --> 00:16:06,342
Bingo.
445
00:16:08,212 --> 00:16:10,613
One other little thing.
446
00:16:10,615 --> 00:16:12,782
When you do put a drink
in my hand,
447
00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:14,784
let's make it non-alcoholic.
448
00:16:14,786 --> 00:16:17,086
There's a chance
I might be pregnant.
449
00:16:17,088 --> 00:16:18,454
Okay, Linus,
450
00:16:18,456 --> 00:16:21,224
don't start popping
the sparkling cider just yet.
451
00:16:21,226 --> 00:16:23,359
I'm just being cautious.
452
00:16:23,361 --> 00:16:25,328
I'll take a test
when I get home.
453
00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:27,029
It can wait.
454
00:16:27,031 --> 00:16:30,399
Are Marvin and I
and any other future children
455
00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:31,434
we may have
456
00:16:31,436 --> 00:16:33,703
just some consolation prize?
457
00:16:33,705 --> 00:16:35,905
I have to get out of here.
458
00:16:37,407 --> 00:16:41,010
?
459
00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:43,112
(sighs)
It can't wait.
460
00:16:43,114 --> 00:16:43,614
?
461
00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:50,253
Lily, what a lovely...
462
00:16:50,255 --> 00:16:52,822
Can I use your powder room?
463
00:16:52,824 --> 00:16:56,592
?
464
00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:59,662
Two minutes. Here we go.
465
00:16:59,664 --> 00:17:00,164
?
466
00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:11,307
Guys, we need to go back
to the hotel.
467
00:17:13,176 --> 00:17:15,444
Lily peed on that,
and you touched it.
468
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,114
Lily?
469
00:17:20,284 --> 00:17:22,718
We're gonna have a baby?
470
00:17:25,722 --> 00:17:28,624
I told you guys
I could keep a secret.
471
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:33,629
Uh, uh, Barney,
this-this is my mom.
472
00:17:33,631 --> 00:17:35,464
Hi.
Hello.
473
00:17:35,466 --> 00:17:36,565
Oh.
474
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:37,733
Oh, he's a hugger.
475
00:17:37,735 --> 00:17:39,001
Nothing like your dad.
476
00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:40,603
(laughs)
477
00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,772
I'm sorry. I-I was
gonna tell you tonight.
478
00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:44,340
No. Oh, my God, no. It's fine.
479
00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:46,175
There's just...
there's so much we have to do.
480
00:17:46,177 --> 00:17:48,878
You know, we have to, um...
we have to do research on...
481
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,813
uh, hospitals in Italy,
and we have to, uh...
482
00:17:50,815 --> 00:17:52,715
We're not going to Italy.
483
00:17:52,717 --> 00:17:54,517
Of course we are.
484
00:17:55,319 --> 00:17:56,552
Lily, we have to do this.
485
00:17:56,554 --> 00:17:57,820
You're gonna live in Rome,
486
00:17:57,822 --> 00:18:00,056
and you're gonna get your dream,
because...
487
00:18:00,058 --> 00:18:02,425
because you're giving me mine.
488
00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:04,860
Again.
489
00:18:04,862 --> 00:18:06,696
But there's gonna be
all sorts of paperwork,
490
00:18:06,698 --> 00:18:08,931
and-and if she's born outside
of the U.S.,
491
00:18:08,933 --> 00:18:10,399
she could never
become president.
492
00:18:10,401 --> 00:18:12,735
It's a girl?
493
00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:15,871
Oh. I don't know, but...
494
00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:18,140
in my mind,
I kind of think she is.
495
00:18:18,142 --> 00:18:19,241
Oh.
496
00:18:19,243 --> 00:18:20,876
I love you so much.
497
00:18:20,878 --> 00:18:23,512
Mmm.
498
00:18:23,514 --> 00:18:25,715
We're gonna give you
some privacy.
499
00:18:27,884 --> 00:18:29,952
It's my room. Why
do I have to...?
500
00:18:29,954 --> 00:18:31,520
Just... come on.
501
00:18:34,424 --> 00:18:36,359
I thought this was an exit.
No, balcony.
502
00:18:36,361 --> 00:18:37,660
Ah. Oh.
503
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:39,729
Well, we'll just give them
a few minutes, and then...
504
00:18:39,731 --> 00:18:42,198
Mm-hmm.
...we'll go back in and...
505
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,666
Oh.
506
00:18:43,668 --> 00:18:45,868
Oh, they are both naked.
507
00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:47,103
Yeah, they work fast.
508
00:18:47,105 --> 00:18:49,138
Yes. (sighs)
509
00:18:49,140 --> 00:18:51,140
Oh, darling.
510
00:18:51,142 --> 00:18:53,142
Oh, you're going
to be fine.
511
00:18:53,144 --> 00:18:55,244
You know, for every marriage
in the world
512
00:18:55,246 --> 00:18:57,480
like I had with your dad,
you know, there's...
513
00:18:57,482 --> 00:19:00,216
there's a marriage
like those two in there.
514
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:02,518
And, oh, marriage is...
515
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,786
Oh, it's terrifying.
516
00:19:03,788 --> 00:19:05,287
It's-it's like flying.
517
00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:08,457
You know, you're-you're filled
with this mortal dread,
518
00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:11,060
but if you find someone
you feel safe with,
519
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:14,263
it's like flying!
520
00:19:14,265 --> 00:19:18,367
But if you got someone that you
feel is really there for you,
521
00:19:18,369 --> 00:19:20,636
someone you can depend on,
522
00:19:20,638 --> 00:19:22,938
you're gonna be fine.
523
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,840
Do you have someone
like that?
524
00:19:24,842 --> 00:19:29,842
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man