1
00:00:00,437 --> 00:00:03,724
Kids, it's not always rational,
but people on their wedding day

2
00:00:03,725 --> 00:00:05,642
sometimes find themselves
panicking

3
00:00:05,644 --> 00:00:07,894
about whether
they've made the best choice.

4
00:00:07,896 --> 00:00:09,379
I have a better
tie at home!

5
00:00:09,381 --> 00:00:11,398
It's cornflower blue.
It's cornflower blue!

6
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,768
But lucky for Barney,
he was marrying a rock.

7
00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:16,469
I can't go through
with this wedding.

8
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,143
Last year, when you helped
Victoria escape this church,

9
00:00:23,145 --> 00:00:25,228
how hard was it
to climb down that drainpipe?

10
00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:26,279
Extremely hard.

11
00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,781
Okay, so that means
super easy. Thanks.

12
00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:28,949
Wait, wait.
Stop, stop.

13
00:00:28,951 --> 00:00:30,367
What the hell
are you doing?

14
00:00:30,369 --> 00:00:31,985
I just... I can't
go through with this!

15
00:00:31,987 --> 00:00:33,920
No, no. Sorry. I
refuse to be a part

16
00:00:33,922 --> 00:00:35,238
of a third runaway
bride situation.

17
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,007
It's like the dude

18
00:00:37,009 --> 00:00:39,042
in that documentary who kept
having women show up dead

19
00:00:39,044 --> 00:00:40,243
at the bottom of his staircase.

20
00:00:40,245 --> 00:00:41,595
Sure, maybe they all tripped,
but it's like,

21
00:00:41,597 --> 00:00:43,246
do you want
to hang out with that guy?

22
00:00:43,248 --> 00:00:45,599
Gonna think I'm insane, but...

23
00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:49,352
I still think that it's a bad
sign I never found that locket.

24
00:00:56,777 --> 00:01:00,480
Some part of me thought that
Barney would magically find it.

25
00:01:00,482 --> 00:01:01,598
I know.

26
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,932
I know that's unfair of me

27
00:01:02,934 --> 00:01:06,102
to expect that, but... you know,
I want to be with a guy

28
00:01:06,104 --> 00:01:08,655
who comes through for me,
you know?

29
00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:10,140
The guy who,

30
00:01:10,142 --> 00:01:13,043
somehow, against all odds,

31
00:01:13,045 --> 00:01:15,545
finds my locket.

32
00:01:15,547 --> 00:01:18,614
Okay, just, um...
just calm down, stay put.

33
00:01:18,616 --> 00:01:21,718
Uh, I'm-I'm gonna go
get you some water, okay?

34
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:44,404
? How I Met Your Mother 9x22 ?
The End of the Aisle
Original Air Date on March 24, 2014

35
00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:49,429
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

36
00:01:51,782 --> 00:01:53,783
Uh, listen,
I have something for you,

37
00:01:53,785 --> 00:01:55,585
but before I give it to you,

38
00:01:55,587 --> 00:01:57,704
I just want to make sure
you're okay.

39
00:01:57,706 --> 00:01:59,489
I was freaking out
a little earlier,

40
00:01:59,491 --> 00:02:01,925
but Lily and Marshall
calmed me down. I'm okay.

41
00:02:01,927 --> 00:02:04,377
Good, good.
So, Robin's a little nervous.

42
00:02:04,379 --> 00:02:05,845
Nervous? Why is she nervous?

43
00:02:05,847 --> 00:02:07,163
I'm not nervous! Who's nervous?!

44
00:02:07,165 --> 00:02:08,682
No one needs to be nervous!

45
00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:11,301
Cornflower blue, Ted.
Cornflower blue!

46
00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:14,521
First off, kudos to Marshall
and Lily for calming you down.

47
00:02:16,807 --> 00:02:20,060
Second, do you...
you remember Robin's locket?

48
00:02:20,062 --> 00:02:21,728
Yeah, of course.

49
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:23,646
She never found it.

50
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,184
Whoa. How did you...?

51
00:02:28,186 --> 00:02:30,036
I never told you about it
because I was afraid

52
00:02:30,038 --> 00:02:31,204
you'd take it the wrong way,

53
00:02:31,206 --> 00:02:32,722
but I actually wound up
tracking it down.

54
00:02:32,724 --> 00:02:35,125
It's a long story.

55
00:02:35,127 --> 00:02:37,711
I was gonna give it to Robin
as a surprise,

56
00:02:37,713 --> 00:02:40,863
but... she needs it
to come from you.

57
00:02:40,865 --> 00:02:43,032
Ted, I don't know.

58
00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:44,918
Take it. Please.

59
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,920
How'd you find it?

60
00:02:46,922 --> 00:02:48,922
I didn't find it.

61
00:02:48,924 --> 00:02:51,040
You found it.

62
00:03:00,518 --> 00:03:02,235
Hey.
Hey.

63
00:03:02,237 --> 00:03:03,737
What you writing?

64
00:03:03,739 --> 00:03:05,321
Um, it's my wedding day.

65
00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:06,773
What do you think I'm writing?

66
00:03:06,775 --> 00:03:07,824
Suicide note?

67
00:03:07,826 --> 00:03:09,859
Hey-yo!

68
00:03:09,861 --> 00:03:11,611
Oh, God, is it
a suicide note?

69
00:03:11,613 --> 00:03:13,747
Oh, my God,
how many pills did you take?

70
00:03:13,749 --> 00:03:15,365
Quick. How do we
make him vomit?

71
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:17,584
Uh, remind him he's getting married.
Hey-yo!

72
00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:19,235
Wait. Now I'm confused.

73
00:03:19,237 --> 00:03:20,904
Are you dying?

74
00:03:20,906 --> 00:03:22,505
I'm writing my vows to Robin,

75
00:03:22,507 --> 00:03:25,041
but I want them to be profound
and inspiring,

76
00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:27,410
as if they were written
by the bard himself,

77
00:03:27,412 --> 00:03:29,312
Lionel Richie.

78
00:03:29,314 --> 00:03:30,430
Then why did you wait

79
00:03:30,432 --> 00:03:31,965
until right before the wedding
to compose them?

80
00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:33,099
I didn't.
I've been trying

81
00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:34,884
to get these right for weeks.
Oh.

82
00:03:34,886 --> 00:03:36,586
This is a lot of vows.

83
00:03:36,588 --> 00:03:38,805
Vow-za.

84
00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:40,390
I'll say it again. Vow-za.

85
00:03:40,392 --> 00:03:42,142
Are you really gonna
read all of these?

86
00:03:42,144 --> 00:03:44,227
Yeah, uh, wouldn't it be better
to project them

87
00:03:44,229 --> 00:03:45,395
as a VowerPoint presentation?

88
00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:47,480
Say it again. VowerPoint...

89
00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:49,616
I know it's a lot,
but I-I don't

90
00:03:49,618 --> 00:03:51,934
want to screw up
this wedding thing.

91
00:03:51,936 --> 00:03:54,604
"I vow to love you
forever unconditionally,

92
00:03:54,606 --> 00:03:57,273
"unless you pudge out,
in which case

93
00:03:57,275 --> 00:04:00,243
I'm a Barney-shaped
hole in the wall."

94
00:04:00,245 --> 00:04:02,295
"I vow to start watching
hockey with you..""

95
00:04:02,297 --> 00:04:03,446
Oh, that one's sweet.

96
00:04:03,448 --> 00:04:04,998
I know how much
you hate hockey.

97
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,249
"...once a month""

98
00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:07,750
But it's still
a nice gesture.

99
00:04:07,752 --> 00:04:09,419
"No. Once a year.
No. Hockey's dumb.

100
00:04:09,421 --> 00:04:11,137
"Not watching it, and
neither are you, woman.

101
00:04:11,139 --> 00:04:12,338
Now make me
French toast""

102
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:14,123
I'll put this in
the maybe pile.

103
00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:17,143
Look, if you're
having trouble,

104
00:04:17,145 --> 00:04:18,978
you've got two expert
vow consultants

105
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,730
standing right
in front of you.

106
00:04:20,732 --> 00:04:22,932
Yeah. We can show
you vow it's done.

107
00:04:24,385 --> 00:04:25,902
Say it again.
Vow it's done...

108
00:04:25,904 --> 00:04:28,438
We're just not
enjoying them, honey.

109
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,657
I am not gonna take
marriage advice from a couple

110
00:04:30,659 --> 00:04:32,525
who just got
in a gigantic fight.

111
00:04:32,527 --> 00:04:34,143
I'm doing fine on my own.

112
00:04:34,145 --> 00:04:35,778
No, you're not.

113
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:39,332
All of these vows are selfish
and way too easy to keep.

114
00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:42,035
Wedding vows need
to be real commitments,

115
00:04:42,037 --> 00:04:43,436
like our vows.

116
00:04:43,438 --> 00:04:44,587
Poppycock!

117
00:04:44,589 --> 00:04:45,788
What are you
talking about?

118
00:04:45,790 --> 00:04:47,957
I remember
your precious wedding vows,

119
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:51,444
and I guarantee you've broken
every single one of them.

120
00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:52,846
Vow dare you!

121
00:04:52,848 --> 00:04:53,847
Just stop.

122
00:04:53,849 --> 00:04:56,950
I can't.
It's invowluntary.

123
00:04:56,952 --> 00:04:58,852
Yeah.

124
00:04:58,854 --> 00:05:00,637
Hey. You asked for me?

125
00:05:00,639 --> 00:05:02,689
Look what Barney
just gave me.

126
00:05:04,024 --> 00:05:05,525
No way!

127
00:05:05,527 --> 00:05:07,777
See? Barney came through.

128
00:05:07,779 --> 00:05:09,145
There's your sign.

129
00:05:09,147 --> 00:05:10,680
You're good to go.

130
00:05:10,682 --> 00:05:12,448
Where'd you find
the locket, Ted?

131
00:05:18,538 --> 00:05:20,071
Where did you find the locket?

132
00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,923
Me? Why-why are you asking me?

133
00:05:21,925 --> 00:05:23,792
Barney found it. Ask him.

134
00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:25,243
What, you lost a locket?

135
00:05:25,245 --> 00:05:27,395
Barney wouldn't tell me
how he found it,

136
00:05:27,397 --> 00:05:30,215
which made me realize
it had to be you.

137
00:05:30,217 --> 00:05:32,267
Okay.

138
00:05:32,269 --> 00:05:34,352
I'll embarrass him.

139
00:05:34,354 --> 00:05:36,605
Your fiancé got a metal detector

140
00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:39,724
and scoured a 10,000-square-foot
grid around that carousel.

141
00:05:39,726 --> 00:05:41,443
Guess where he found it.

142
00:05:41,445 --> 00:05:44,029
The nest of a mama pigeon.

143
00:05:44,031 --> 00:05:46,815
Barney had to wrestle
it away from four baby pigeons.

144
00:05:46,817 --> 00:05:48,717
But here's where the story
gets bittersweet.

145
00:05:48,719 --> 00:05:51,736
I lied. Barney said it was
in Marshall and Lily's basement.

146
00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:55,240
But do you still want to finish
your little pigeon story?

147
00:05:55,242 --> 00:05:57,209
The mama pigeon gets killed
by a cab.

148
00:05:57,211 --> 00:05:59,494
Barney still goes back
to the park every day

149
00:05:59,496 --> 00:06:01,413
to feed the babies. The end.

150
00:06:02,281 --> 00:06:04,416
Tell me the truth.

151
00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:07,302
Okay, I-I tracked it down,

152
00:06:07,304 --> 00:06:09,671
and I gave it to Barney
to give to you.

153
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,106
Honestly, it was no big deal.

154
00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:12,090
How did you find it?

155
00:06:12,092 --> 00:06:14,626
Psh. How does anybody
find anything?

156
00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:15,760
You hear it might be in your

157
00:06:15,762 --> 00:06:16,978
race car pencil box.
It's not there.

158
00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,230
So you swing by
your ex-fiancée's

159
00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:19,347
storage locker
on the opposite coast.

160
00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:20,482
It's not there.

161
00:06:20,484 --> 00:06:22,067
You learn Victoria has it
in Germany,

162
00:06:22,069 --> 00:06:23,735
but Jeanette intercepts it,
throws it in Central Park Lake.

163
00:06:23,737 --> 00:06:25,353
It's a nice day for a swim,
so what the heck?

164
00:06:25,355 --> 00:06:27,272
You dive in, scoop it up, make
it home in time for Jeopardy!

165
00:06:27,274 --> 00:06:28,773
Ease to the pease.
Happy wedding.

166
00:06:32,745 --> 00:06:35,597
You're seriously questioning
our wedding vows?

167
00:06:35,599 --> 00:06:37,866
Us? Uh, we're adorable.

168
00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:40,835
We're Marshmallow
and Lilypad, bitch.

169
00:06:40,837 --> 00:06:42,704
Okay, I'll give you this.

170
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:45,657
Your little pre-wedding
wedding out by the tree--

171
00:06:45,659 --> 00:06:47,825
you said some very sweet stuff.

172
00:06:47,827 --> 00:06:49,928
Hell, Ted even cried.

173
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,913
Ted.

174
00:06:52,748 --> 00:06:55,100
But later,
at the actual wedding...

175
00:06:55,102 --> 00:06:56,418
Lily Aldrin,

176
00:06:56,420 --> 00:07:00,205
I vow to be there for you
in sickness and in health.

177
00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:01,473
Hate to tell you, Lilypad,

178
00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:03,341
but Marshall has since
confessed to me

179
00:07:03,343 --> 00:07:05,610
that en route
to your honeymoon...

180
00:07:05,612 --> 00:07:08,063
Oh. Oh, God.

181
00:07:11,685 --> 00:07:13,451
You son of a beech.
You son of a beech.

182
00:07:13,453 --> 00:07:15,019
Do you deny it?

183
00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,156
Lily, you know
I'm not a vomit guy,

184
00:07:18,158 --> 00:07:19,958
and I just thought
I should give you your space.

185
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,242
Like a dying cat.

186
00:07:21,244 --> 00:07:22,477
Oh, yeah, that saves it.

187
00:07:22,479 --> 00:07:23,862
I'm so sorry I let you down.

188
00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:25,863
Hang on there,
Marshmallow.

189
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:28,383
Remember when
the blushing bride said...

190
00:07:28,385 --> 00:07:31,670
I vow to honor and respect you.

191
00:07:31,672 --> 00:07:34,139
Maybe she was blushing because
she was lying her ass off.

192
00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:35,473
Not two months later...

193
00:07:35,475 --> 00:07:37,425
Shh.
Okay. Okay.

194
00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:41,746
Hey, not cool!

195
00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:45,317
You will not take a picture
of my husband like that!

196
00:07:49,506 --> 00:07:50,839
You took part

197
00:07:50,841 --> 00:07:53,224
in the bearded Wonder Woman
incident of 2007?

198
00:07:53,226 --> 00:07:55,727
Lily, that photo got
all over Friendster

199
00:07:55,729 --> 00:07:59,564
and Myspace and... man,
2007 was a long time ago.

200
00:08:00,282 --> 00:08:01,616
Ted, I can't believe

201
00:08:01,618 --> 00:08:03,752
how much trouble you went
through to get this for me.

202
00:08:03,754 --> 00:08:05,587
It really wasn't
that much trouble.

203
00:08:05,589 --> 00:08:06,821
Yes, it was.

204
00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:09,574
You always go big for me.

205
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,343
Not as big as Barney.

206
00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,678
Canadian rehearsal dinner
on ice-- big.

207
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,463
The way he proposed-- huge.

208
00:08:15,465 --> 00:08:16,681
Yeah, but think about it.

209
00:08:16,683 --> 00:08:17,966
Those are the most loving things

210
00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:19,551
that Barney has ever done
for me,

211
00:08:19,553 --> 00:08:20,869
and they're all based on lies.

212
00:08:20,871 --> 00:08:23,138
Right down to taking
credit for this locket.

213
00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:24,356
That's not fair.

214
00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:25,690
I told Barney
to take credit for it.

215
00:08:25,692 --> 00:08:27,692
Which he did
without blinking an eye.

216
00:08:27,694 --> 00:08:28,593
Because lying

217
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,111
is second nature to Barney.

218
00:08:30,113 --> 00:08:31,312
Everything's legendary.

219
00:08:31,314 --> 00:08:32,814
You know what "legendary" means?

220
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,098
Not real.

221
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,234
I mean,
the man's initials are "B.S."

222
00:08:36,236 --> 00:08:39,738
If it helps, I'm pretty sure
Barney Stinson's a fake name.

223
00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:42,023
I'm kidding.

224
00:08:42,025 --> 00:08:45,443
You're the one who always
comes through for me, Ted.

225
00:08:45,445 --> 00:08:48,213
The one who's there for me.

226
00:08:49,298 --> 00:08:51,499
Maybe I'm making a mistake.

227
00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:54,402
Wait. What-what are you saying?

228
00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:58,306
Maybe I should be marrying you.

229
00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:02,126
Wait. I know one vow we kept.

230
00:09:02,128 --> 00:09:06,347
I vow to make you breakfast
in bed every Sunday morning.

231
00:09:06,349 --> 00:09:07,382
Really? You still do that?

232
00:09:07,384 --> 00:09:09,934
Absolutely.

233
00:09:12,355 --> 00:09:14,606
Heads up!

234
00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:18,610
Oh! No cream cheese?

235
00:09:19,412 --> 00:09:21,479
Oh.

236
00:09:21,481 --> 00:09:23,948
Oh!

237
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,917
You feed her like Sloth
from Goonies.

238
00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:27,519
So the magic's still there.

239
00:09:27,521 --> 00:09:28,837
Well, here's one

240
00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:30,789
you definitely didn't keep.

241
00:09:30,791 --> 00:09:34,492
I vow to keep
the romantic spark alive.

242
00:09:34,494 --> 00:09:37,028
And how is that going
for you these days?

243
00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:38,463
Are you watching Marvin?

244
00:09:38,465 --> 00:09:39,881
I'm trimming my nose hair.

245
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,299
I'm dumping out.

246
00:09:41,301 --> 00:09:43,134
I watched him
all morning, Lily.

247
00:09:43,136 --> 00:09:44,302
I need a break.

248
00:09:44,304 --> 00:09:46,438
I don't control when my
deuces happen, Marshall.

249
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,640
Deuces are wild!

250
00:09:50,727 --> 00:09:51,876
Ted,

251
00:09:51,878 --> 00:09:53,862
I should be with you.

252
00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:55,864
There it was-- the words

253
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:58,466
that some deep, dark part of me
always wanted to hear.

254
00:09:58,468 --> 00:09:59,701
But it's funny.

255
00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,970
Once you actually
hear those words out loud...

256
00:10:01,972 --> 00:10:03,788
I don't want to hear that.

257
00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:04,873
We should get out of here.

258
00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:07,659
You and me right now.
We'll...

259
00:10:07,661 --> 00:10:09,294
We'll move to Chicago.
W-We'll start a new life.

260
00:10:09,296 --> 00:10:10,495
It'll-it'll be painful
at first,

261
00:10:10,497 --> 00:10:12,030
but, hell, I can root
for the Blackhawks.

262
00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:13,298
Stop! Stop!

263
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,333
You're just saying this
because you're scared.

264
00:10:15,335 --> 00:10:18,036
I am not your
future. Barney is.

265
00:10:18,038 --> 00:10:21,489
Shouldn't I be with the guy
who finds me my locket?

266
00:10:21,491 --> 00:10:24,509
The guy who steals me
the blue French horn.

267
00:10:24,511 --> 00:10:26,678
I mean, look me in the eye
and tell me,

268
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,263
why shouldn't I be
with that guy?

269
00:10:28,265 --> 00:10:31,349
Because I'm not that guy
anymore.

270
00:10:31,351 --> 00:10:34,936
Then why did you work so hard
to find me my locket?

271
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:36,571
It... it was a wedding gift.

272
00:10:36,573 --> 00:10:38,690
Ted, stop it, okay?
I know you better than that.

273
00:10:38,692 --> 00:10:40,692
This is more
than a wedding gift.

274
00:10:40,694 --> 00:10:43,995
Maybe it started out that way.
Maybe some part of me thought...

275
00:10:43,997 --> 00:10:46,447
That you still loved me.

276
00:10:46,449 --> 00:10:47,866
Maybe.

277
00:10:47,868 --> 00:10:49,501
But the truth is...

278
00:10:49,503 --> 00:10:51,586
I don't love you
like that anymore.

279
00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:53,905
And you don't love me.

280
00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:55,056
You love Barney.

281
00:10:55,058 --> 00:10:56,374
And if you think

282
00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:59,544
I would ever be part
of screwing that up,

283
00:10:59,546 --> 00:11:02,447
then maybe you don't know me
at all, Robin.

284
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:05,800
I... I can't shake it.

285
00:11:05,802 --> 00:11:07,468
I-I can't shake this feeling

286
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:10,922
that nothing about me and Barney
makes any sense.

287
00:11:10,924 --> 00:11:13,107
But love doesn't make sense.

288
00:11:13,109 --> 00:11:14,192
I mean, you can't

289
00:11:14,194 --> 00:11:16,194
logic your way into
or out of it.

290
00:11:16,196 --> 00:11:20,064
Love is totally nonsensical,
but we have to keep doing it

291
00:11:20,066 --> 00:11:23,100
or else we're lost
and-and love is dead

292
00:11:23,102 --> 00:11:25,286
and humanity
should just pack it in.

293
00:11:25,288 --> 00:11:28,323
Because love is
the best thing we do.

294
00:11:29,825 --> 00:11:32,710
Look, I know that sounds cheesy,
but it's-it's just true.

295
00:11:32,712 --> 00:11:36,664
You love Barney,
and-and he loves you.

296
00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:39,334
And that doesn't
have to make sense

297
00:11:39,336 --> 00:11:41,302
to make sense.

298
00:11:43,672 --> 00:11:47,475
Remember back when you had
never even seen me pee?

299
00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:49,811
Yeah.
Yeah.

300
00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:51,396
Oh, sorry.

301
00:11:51,398 --> 00:11:52,797
We were so innocent then.

302
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,298
So many dreams.

303
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,150
Trying to work over here.

304
00:11:56,152 --> 00:11:57,769
Bright, shimmering future ahead.

305
00:11:57,771 --> 00:12:00,438
Now we're basically
a couple of wild animals

306
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,074
grunting at each other
to throw some toilet paper

307
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:05,460
through the crack
in the bathroom door.

308
00:12:05,462 --> 00:12:07,144
Baby, let's be honest.

309
00:12:07,146 --> 00:12:11,499
At this point,
that door is wide open.

310
00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:13,501
You know what you should use
the next time you run out

311
00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:15,286
of toilet paper?
Your wedding vows.

312
00:12:15,288 --> 00:12:16,921
'Cause that's all
your marriage has been,

313
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:19,257
one long six-year wipe

314
00:12:19,259 --> 00:12:21,509
after that double-flusher
of a wedding.

315
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:23,294
Stinson out!

316
00:12:25,497 --> 00:12:26,464
You okay?

317
00:12:26,466 --> 00:12:27,715
Yeah.

318
00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:29,701
You're right.
I'm-I'm being insane.

319
00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:30,802
Oh, come on, Robin.

320
00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:33,521
That's... accurate.

321
00:12:34,774 --> 00:12:36,224
We can't run away together.

322
00:12:36,226 --> 00:12:38,226
Of course not.

323
00:12:38,228 --> 00:12:40,612
So I'm just gonna run away
alone!

324
00:12:48,037 --> 00:12:49,687
Damn it.

325
00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:52,907
Whoa!

326
00:12:52,909 --> 00:12:55,977
And that's how Robin
met your mother.

327
00:12:59,685 --> 00:13:02,153
Wait, what are
we doing here?

328
00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:04,522
Lily, our-our
wedding vows,

329
00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:07,141
maybe they were just too
perfect for real life.

330
00:13:07,143 --> 00:13:09,977
Real life is messier
than that, and...

331
00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:12,780
we're different people
than we were in 2007.

332
00:13:12,782 --> 00:13:13,815
But that's okay.

333
00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:16,684
Maybe we just need
some updated vows.

334
00:13:16,686 --> 00:13:18,453
So I thought maybe
before this place

335
00:13:18,455 --> 00:13:22,707
gets too busy, we could...
borrow this altar for a minute.

336
00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:28,179
Lily Aldrin,

337
00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:31,933
I vow to stop shouting stuff
at you when you're dumping out.

338
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:33,284
You're the love
of my life,

339
00:13:33,286 --> 00:13:36,104
and you deserve
to make a deuce in peace.

340
00:13:37,523 --> 00:13:40,141
I vow to stop pointing out
every dog erection we see

341
00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:41,559
when we walk through the park,

342
00:13:41,561 --> 00:13:43,844
even though they are
incredibly weird looking.

343
00:13:43,846 --> 00:13:46,631
Oh, just don't point and scream
"Maybe it's Maybelline."

344
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:50,401
Marshall Eriksen,
I vow to always tell you

345
00:13:50,403 --> 00:13:52,787
when you have green stuff
in your teeth.

346
00:13:52,789 --> 00:13:54,772
You have green stuff
in your teeth.

347
00:13:54,774 --> 00:13:56,241
Oh.

348
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:59,961
I vow to always sit next to you
and hug you,

349
00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:01,880
even if you're covered in vomit,

350
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:02,947
whether it's yours

351
00:14:02,949 --> 00:14:04,883
or Marvin's or--

352
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:08,035
in the case of what came to be
known as Spew Year's Eve 1998--

353
00:14:08,037 --> 00:14:10,388
my own. Sorry.

354
00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,173
I vow to stop getting
so angry...

355
00:14:12,175 --> 00:14:13,308
Ooh, I just thought of
another one.

356
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,375
...when you interrupt me.

357
00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:15,894
Mine was to interrupt you less,

358
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,428
so that's good.

359
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,348
I vow...

360
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:23,551
to finally stop petitioning
Paul McCartney

361
00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:26,554
to let Weird Al record
"Chicken Pot Pie"

362
00:14:26,556 --> 00:14:30,074
to the tune of
"Live and Let Die."

363
00:14:30,076 --> 00:14:31,776
It's over.

364
00:14:31,778 --> 00:14:33,328
I'll let it go.

365
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,396
I vow...

366
00:14:35,398 --> 00:14:38,533
to cry less
during this pregnancy.

367
00:14:38,535 --> 00:14:41,119
I vow to cry less
during this Vikings season.

368
00:14:41,121 --> 00:14:43,788
Mm, with that secondary,
I wouldn't make that promise.

369
00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:47,375
I vow to keep at least 80%
of these vows.

370
00:14:47,377 --> 00:14:48,927
That seems high.

371
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:52,430
And I vow to keep updating them
as we go.

372
00:14:53,515 --> 00:14:55,082
Because one set of vows,

373
00:14:55,084 --> 00:14:57,969
it can't cover a lifetime
of growing

374
00:14:57,971 --> 00:15:00,204
and changing with you,

375
00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:03,090
of raising children with you...

376
00:15:04,259 --> 00:15:07,895
...falling more and more in love
with you every day,

377
00:15:07,897 --> 00:15:10,782
Lily Aldrin,
which is what I vow to do

378
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,850
for the rest of my life.

379
00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:17,038
Crap. I already broke
my crying vow.

380
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,790
I'll forgive you.

381
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:30,635
I am so sorry. Are you okay?
Oh...

382
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:32,420
That was
totally my fault.

383
00:15:32,422 --> 00:15:34,222
No. The bride is always right.
It was my fault.

384
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,340
Are you okay?

385
00:15:35,342 --> 00:15:37,342
I'm fine.

386
00:15:37,344 --> 00:15:39,644
Are you sure?

387
00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:41,296
Because you
were sprinting

388
00:15:41,298 --> 00:15:43,564
from a church
in a wedding dress.

389
00:15:43,566 --> 00:15:44,799
And as a kid,

390
00:15:44,801 --> 00:15:46,734
I was a bit of a detective...

391
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,069
so...

392
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:50,238
Um...

393
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,824
to be honest,
I'm-I'm wondering if this...

394
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:56,711
whole getting married thing is
something I can go through with.

395
00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:59,163
Oh.

396
00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:01,699
Wow.

397
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:04,085
That's it?

398
00:16:04,087 --> 00:16:06,287
Aren't you supposed
to talk me out of it?

399
00:16:06,289 --> 00:16:09,156
Tell me it's just cold feet?
I'm-I'm being crazy?

400
00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:11,709
Okay, during that fall, we did
kind of get to second base

401
00:16:11,711 --> 00:16:13,511
with each other--
and we'll always share that--

402
00:16:13,513 --> 00:16:16,147
but I don't really know you.

403
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,365
So...

404
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,666
here's all I'll say:

405
00:16:18,668 --> 00:16:20,000
when I'm overwhelmed,

406
00:16:20,002 --> 00:16:21,686
I force myself
to do one simple thing

407
00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:24,338
before I have to make
a decision:

408
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:28,676
close my eyes
and take three deep breaths.

409
00:16:28,678 --> 00:16:31,145
Three deep breaths.
Mm-hmm.

410
00:16:31,147 --> 00:16:34,866
Sometimes even three deep
breaths can change everything.

411
00:16:57,573 --> 00:16:58,906
Barney?

412
00:16:58,908 --> 00:17:00,842
Hey, I've been looking
for you. You okay?

413
00:17:00,844 --> 00:17:03,678
Uh... yeah.
I-I was just talking to the...

414
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,432
the band about the...
thing with the stuff.

415
00:17:07,434 --> 00:17:09,167
What are those?

416
00:17:09,169 --> 00:17:10,401
My vows.

417
00:17:11,386 --> 00:17:13,387
I-I know it's bad luck
to see the bride

418
00:17:13,389 --> 00:17:16,324
right before the ceremony,
but I realized something.

419
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:19,226
Marshall and Lily have broken
most of their wedding vows,

420
00:17:19,228 --> 00:17:21,079
but they're still
the best couple I know.

421
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,780
I think their biggest problem

422
00:17:22,782 --> 00:17:25,533
was that Marshall
didn't tell Lily the truth.

423
00:17:25,535 --> 00:17:28,235
So...

424
00:17:29,922 --> 00:17:32,907
I've decided to make
only one vow to you,

425
00:17:32,909 --> 00:17:36,844
because it's the only one
that really counts.

426
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:39,097
Robin Scherbatsky...

427
00:17:40,249 --> 00:17:42,316
...from this day forward,

428
00:17:42,318 --> 00:17:45,052
I am always gonna be honest
with you.

429
00:17:46,004 --> 00:17:47,839
'Cause I love you.

430
00:17:49,108 --> 00:17:50,708
I'll see you up there.

431
00:17:51,376 --> 00:17:54,278
Oh.

432
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,147
Ted got that locket for you.

433
00:17:56,149 --> 00:17:58,265
He's the one you should thank.

434
00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:02,987
Barney, wait.

435
00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:22,990
What is it?

436
00:18:22,992 --> 00:18:24,642
The cornflower blue tie.

437
00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:26,561
That's the one
I should be wearing.

438
00:18:27,646 --> 00:18:29,647
It's right by my bed.
Back in Manhattan.

439
00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:31,983
Stall for me. I'll be back
in six hours, tops.

440
00:18:35,637 --> 00:18:36,854
That's all of 'em!

441
00:18:36,856 --> 00:18:38,206
Wow.

442
00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:39,157
Wait.

443
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,942
I'm free.

444
00:18:40,944 --> 00:18:42,660
It's over.

445
00:18:42,662 --> 00:18:45,997
The slap bet is finally... over?

446
00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:47,815
Yeah, it is, buddy.

447
00:18:47,817 --> 00:18:50,418
Thank you.

448
00:18:54,039 --> 00:18:55,322
You know, this
may sound crazy,

449
00:18:55,324 --> 00:18:56,791
but I'm gonna miss
that slap bet.

450
00:18:56,793 --> 00:18:58,376
No, you won't.
No, you're right. I won't.

451
00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:22,683
Hi.

452
00:19:22,685 --> 00:19:23,901
Hi.

453
00:19:24,903 --> 00:19:26,704
You've never looked
more beautiful, Robin.

454
00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:28,856
Nobody asked you, Patrice.

455
00:19:28,858 --> 00:19:30,458
By the way,

456
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:34,412
in the interest of honesty,
we really do have a ring bear.

457
00:19:34,414 --> 00:19:35,746
What?

458
00:19:39,718 --> 00:19:42,220
Oh. I love
the ring bear.

459
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:45,590
Then you are gonna love
the flower gorilla.

460
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:47,174
What?
Kidding. I'm kidding.

461
00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:57,318
? If I ever
were to lose you... ?

462
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,620
Kids, I won't lie,

463
00:19:59,622 --> 00:20:01,439
that was a long weekend.

464
00:20:02,491 --> 00:20:05,943
More ups and downs
than I can count.

465
00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:10,915
? I've not found by myself...

466
00:20:10,917 --> 00:20:12,867
It was a twisting,

467
00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:15,286
turning road that led
to the end of the aisle,

468
00:20:15,288 --> 00:20:18,906
and not everything
along the way was perfect.

469
00:20:18,908 --> 00:20:20,458
To be honest,

470
00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:23,010
not everything to follow
would be perfect either.

471
00:20:23,012 --> 00:20:24,845
But what is?

472
00:20:24,847 --> 00:20:26,747
Here's the secret, kids:

473
00:20:26,749 --> 00:20:30,384
none of us can vow
to be perfect.

474
00:20:30,386 --> 00:20:33,387
In the end, all we can do
is promise to love each other

475
00:20:33,389 --> 00:20:34,722
with everything we've got.

476
00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:38,759
? 'Cause I can see ?

477
00:20:38,761 --> 00:20:41,062
? Our future days...

478
00:20:41,064 --> 00:20:43,481
Because love's
the best thing we do.

479
00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:47,535
? Days of you and me...

480
00:20:50,539 --> 00:20:52,958
And on that lovely
spring evening,

481
00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:55,877
that's exactly what Barney
and Robin vowed to each other.

482
00:20:57,402 --> 00:20:58,901
And it was legendary.

483
00:20:58,903 --> 00:21:03,903
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man