1
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,292
All right, quick review.
Yellow light means?
2
00:00:05,326 --> 00:00:06,894
Floor it.
3
00:00:06,945 --> 00:00:10,614
- Stop sign?
- Look both ways for johnny law, then floor it.
4
00:00:10,648 --> 00:00:11,999
Yield sign means?
5
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:13,183
Nothing to a Baxter.
6
00:00:13,201 --> 00:00:16,153
[Chuckles] Let's stop right here.
7
00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:18,355
We're gonna go over your parking technique.
8
00:00:18,389 --> 00:00:20,157
The third spot from the end down there
9
00:00:20,191 --> 00:00:21,792
is the last parking spot you got,
10
00:00:21,826 --> 00:00:23,693
and you're trying to beat
a tree hugger in a hybrid.
11
00:00:23,711 --> 00:00:24,795
You got to be careful
12
00:00:24,829 --> 00:00:26,630
'cause you can't hear those things coming.
13
00:00:26,664 --> 00:00:30,000
Just sit tight and suck
in the g-forces, old man.
14
00:00:30,034 --> 00:00:31,301
[Engine revs, tires screech]
15
00:00:33,888 --> 00:00:35,956
[Groans]
16
00:00:35,990 --> 00:00:37,307
[Exhales sharply]
17
00:00:37,342 --> 00:00:38,609
Whoo. Okay, a couple of things.
18
00:00:39,511 --> 00:00:41,345
I should have worn a diaper today.
19
00:00:41,379 --> 00:00:42,513
[Chuckles]
20
00:00:42,547 --> 00:00:44,047
And where did you learn how to do that?
21
00:00:44,065 --> 00:00:46,733
I've had the world's
best driving instructor...
22
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:48,769
"Grand Theft Auto."
23
00:00:48,803 --> 00:00:49,886
A video game.
24
00:00:49,904 --> 00:00:51,672
You know, in my day, if
you wanted to joyride,
25
00:00:51,706 --> 00:00:53,524
you had to actually steal a car.
26
00:00:53,558 --> 00:00:55,909
Yeah, yeah. Life was rough
back then and so much better.
27
00:00:55,944 --> 00:00:57,727
Can we please get out on the open road?
28
00:00:57,745 --> 00:01:00,113
Check the rearview mirror, please.
29
00:01:00,165 --> 00:01:02,065
All right, all clear.
30
00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:03,784
No, there's still something back there.
31
00:01:03,818 --> 00:01:05,402
Really? What?
32
00:01:05,436 --> 00:01:06,837
Your childhood.
33
00:01:07,872 --> 00:01:09,072
Now floor it.
34
00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:13,594
[Engine revs, tires screech]
35
00:01:17,198 --> 00:01:21,168
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addiced.com -
36
00:01:21,202 --> 00:01:22,719
"Last Man Standing" was recorded
37
00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:24,221
- in front of a live studio audience.
- [Doorbell rings]
38
00:01:24,255 --> 00:01:26,756
I've got it! I've got it!
39
00:01:26,774 --> 00:01:28,192
Sit yourself.
40
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,261
Hey.
41
00:01:31,279 --> 00:01:32,446
No, none of that monkey business.
42
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,431
I got to get you out of
here before my dad sees you.
43
00:01:34,449 --> 00:01:36,099
Why? Your dad loves it when I come over.
44
00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:37,934
Because he loves putting you to work...
45
00:01:37,952 --> 00:01:40,437
cleaning the gutters, pulling weeds,
46
00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:42,856
scrubbing the guest bathroom.
47
00:01:42,891 --> 00:01:45,108
In fairness, Kyle does
most of the damage in there.
48
00:01:46,444 --> 00:01:47,744
Hey, Kyle. Is that you?
49
00:01:47,778 --> 00:01:49,580
No, Kyle's not here.
Run. Run, run, run. Run.
50
00:01:49,614 --> 00:01:51,248
- Hey, Mr. B.
- Nice running.
51
00:01:51,282 --> 00:01:53,083
I busted one of the
motor mounts in the truck.
52
00:01:53,117 --> 00:01:56,837
It's a two-man job, but we can
make do with a man and a half.
53
00:01:56,888 --> 00:01:58,889
Uh, Kyle and I are going to the mall.
54
00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:00,224
You'd rather go to the mall with her?
55
00:02:00,258 --> 00:02:02,175
You're not half the
half-man I thought you were.
56
00:02:03,428 --> 00:02:04,928
Well, uh, Mandy, honey,
if you want some company,
57
00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:06,096
I'll go to the mall with you.
58
00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:07,764
I mean, I could use a day of beauty.
59
00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:09,600
A day?
60
00:02:09,634 --> 00:02:12,769
Oh, ha ha ha.
61
00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:15,656
Yeah, I'm repulsive, but
I'm the best you could do.
62
00:02:16,941 --> 00:02:18,408
No, really, I need to get to the salon.
63
00:02:18,443 --> 00:02:20,744
My eyebrows are like two
caterpillars trying to mate.
64
00:02:20,778 --> 00:02:21,912
[Chuckles]
65
00:02:21,946 --> 00:02:23,813
Come on, honey. My treat.
66
00:02:23,831 --> 00:02:25,148
Yeah, but Kyle and I have plans.
67
00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:26,483
And they don't involve an engine.
68
00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:28,485
Uh, well, actually, they kind of do.
69
00:02:28,503 --> 00:02:29,819
This guy Barry at the mall
70
00:02:29,837 --> 00:02:31,922
lets me conduct the
toddler town choo-choo.
71
00:02:31,956 --> 00:02:33,790
He's pretty cool.
72
00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:38,045
I'm not sure he works there, though.
73
00:02:38,096 --> 00:02:39,713
This will just take a second,
Mandy. Come on. Let's go.
74
00:02:39,764 --> 00:02:42,049
Sorry, Mandy. My heart wants to stay.
75
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,102
But whatever organ controls
fear is telling me to go.
76
00:02:45,136 --> 00:02:47,971
Come on, honey. You ready to hit the salon?
77
00:02:48,005 --> 00:02:50,307
[Sighs]
78
00:02:50,341 --> 00:02:52,309
Or I could find a pair of tweezers
79
00:02:52,343 --> 00:02:54,444
and go pluck myself.
80
00:02:54,479 --> 00:02:56,446
Wow. That looks heavy.
81
00:02:56,481 --> 00:02:57,731
It is heavy.
82
00:02:57,782 --> 00:02:59,900
I want you to slide under the
car so if the chain breaks,
83
00:02:59,951 --> 00:03:01,652
the motor can land on something soft.
84
00:03:01,686 --> 00:03:03,019
Right-o.
85
00:03:03,037 --> 00:03:04,071
Kyle, I'm kidding.
86
00:03:04,122 --> 00:03:05,855
I'm not gonna drop the engine on you.
87
00:03:05,873 --> 00:03:08,024
What I want you to do
is grab the battery posts
88
00:03:08,042 --> 00:03:09,859
and see if there's a full charge.
89
00:03:09,877 --> 00:03:12,045
Aah! Lick your fingers.
90
00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:16,750
Hey, guys.
91
00:03:16,801 --> 00:03:19,252
Oh, hey, Kris, I'm so glad you stopped by.
92
00:03:19,304 --> 00:03:21,254
You won't be when you
hear what I'm looking for.
93
00:03:21,306 --> 00:03:23,674
Have you seen a Guinea pig?
94
00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:26,209
Oh, no, I... I thought we
might go to the flea market.
95
00:03:26,227 --> 00:03:28,261
Your new apartment needs furniture.
96
00:03:28,313 --> 00:03:30,297
I'll buy you a couch
somebody's grandmother died on.
97
00:03:30,331 --> 00:03:33,016
Actually, I just came by
to get Boyd's backpack.
98
00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:35,852
[Sighs] If there's not
a Guinea pig in here,
99
00:03:35,886 --> 00:03:38,855
I am looking down the barrel
of a very rough heart-to-heart.
100
00:03:38,889 --> 00:03:40,857
Ohh.
101
00:03:40,891 --> 00:03:43,110
Shoot. It's not there.
102
00:03:43,161 --> 00:03:44,778
Oh, no snickerdoodle, huh?
103
00:03:44,829 --> 00:03:46,446
- That thing cost 30 bucks.
- Ohh.
104
00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:47,781
Do you think Boyd would notice
105
00:03:47,832 --> 00:03:50,117
if the new snickerdoodle were smaller?
106
00:03:50,168 --> 00:03:52,119
And a... fish?
107
00:03:52,170 --> 00:03:54,404
I love you. Got to go.
108
00:03:55,606 --> 00:03:58,058
[Door closes]
109
00:03:58,092 --> 00:04:00,744
So, um... Evie, hi.
110
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,863
Uh, how's it... how's it... how's it going?
111
00:04:02,897 --> 00:04:05,882
Well, the Bills are
sucking it. Big surprise.
112
00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:08,051
They haven't made the
playoffs in like 10 years.
113
00:04:08,085 --> 00:04:10,887
[Sighs] Ghost of Scott Norwood.
114
00:04:10,921 --> 00:04:12,723
Yeah, well, Scott Norwood. Huh.
115
00:04:12,757 --> 00:04:14,141
Damn him. [Scoffs]
116
00:04:15,093 --> 00:04:18,228
We... we sure hate Scott Norwood, huh?
117
00:04:18,262 --> 00:04:19,396
He was the kicker
118
00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:20,981
who blew the '91 Super Bowl for the Bills.
119
00:04:21,032 --> 00:04:23,266
He's sort of like the Buffalo
version of Bill Buckner.
120
00:04:23,284 --> 00:04:26,770
I mean, who needs a Buffalo
version of that guy, huh?
121
00:04:26,804 --> 00:04:27,871
Mandy: You know what, mom?
122
00:04:27,905 --> 00:04:29,206
Let's you and me go to the mall,
123
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,440
'cause I am so fed up with Kyle!
124
00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:32,209
Oh, great. Great. I'll get my, uh...
125
00:04:32,243 --> 00:04:34,878
- Ready to go?
- Yes. Bye, mom!
126
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:42,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
127
00:04:46,123 --> 00:04:48,759
Hi.
128
00:04:49,133 --> 00:04:50,967
Am I so horrible that nobody in my family
129
00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:52,301
wants to hang out with me?
130
00:04:52,319 --> 00:04:55,138
Put a little liverwurst on your fingers.
131
00:04:55,156 --> 00:04:57,807
The dog will be your best friend.
132
00:04:57,825 --> 00:04:59,308
No, I meant humans.
133
00:04:59,326 --> 00:05:00,810
- Yeah?
- Even at work.
134
00:05:00,828 --> 00:05:02,746
Yesterday I was talking to Dr. Pullman
135
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,697
about oxidizing ventilated air methane
136
00:05:04,749 --> 00:05:06,699
with a thermal flow reversal reactor...
137
00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:08,418
Yeah, let me guess how this story ends.
138
00:05:08,452 --> 00:05:09,903
She jumped out her office window.
139
00:05:09,937 --> 00:05:12,205
You know what? I get it. I get it.
140
00:05:12,256 --> 00:05:13,456
Geology is boring.
141
00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:16,292
You can't pin this on geology.
142
00:05:16,326 --> 00:05:18,795
It's how you talk about your work.
143
00:05:18,829 --> 00:05:20,463
Listen, you were talking
about trapped gas, right?
144
00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:22,599
- Mm-hmm.
- That should be hysterical.
145
00:05:22,633 --> 00:05:24,601
Listen, tell you what.
146
00:05:24,635 --> 00:05:26,436
Let me clean up. I'll get to this later.
147
00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:27,804
You and I will go out
and do something together.
148
00:05:27,838 --> 00:05:28,972
Yeah, we'll do whatever you want to do.
149
00:05:29,006 --> 00:05:30,023
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
150
00:05:30,057 --> 00:05:31,691
We're not going to a modern-art gallery.
151
00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,059
Anything else.
152
00:05:33,110 --> 00:05:34,894
I mean, what, do they lure
you in with all that free wine?
153
00:05:34,945 --> 00:05:38,398
And you got to decide
which is the real toilet.
154
00:05:38,449 --> 00:05:39,566
Yeah, you laugh.
155
00:05:39,617 --> 00:05:41,234
All you had to do was say, "not that one."
156
00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:42,735
Right.
157
00:05:45,239 --> 00:05:49,876
I hear Vanessa made you
sit through a French film.
158
00:05:49,910 --> 00:05:51,544
What was it about?
159
00:05:51,578 --> 00:05:53,713
It was about three hours.
160
00:05:53,747 --> 00:05:54,831
Ah.
161
00:05:54,882 --> 00:05:58,167
A guy in a striped shirt
searching for something,
162
00:05:58,218 --> 00:06:00,953
smoking a cigarette.
163
00:06:00,988 --> 00:06:03,589
Were the stripes vertical or horizontal?
164
00:06:03,623 --> 00:06:05,058
Oh, uh, uh, vertical.
165
00:06:05,092 --> 00:06:08,728
Ah, I haven't seen that one.
166
00:06:08,762 --> 00:06:10,396
I was thinking, why is Vanessa
167
00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:12,398
cutting into your "me"
time all of a sudden?
168
00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:14,267
Well, she usually does
girl stuff on the weekends
169
00:06:14,301 --> 00:06:16,102
with the older two, but kris
has got her own apartment,
170
00:06:16,136 --> 00:06:19,272
- Mandy's in college.
- I got it. All right.
171
00:06:19,306 --> 00:06:21,274
So, you have Vanessa bearing down on you,
172
00:06:21,308 --> 00:06:23,443
you lost your two best
blockers, you've still got Eve.
173
00:06:23,477 --> 00:06:25,194
- Oh, no.
- Hmm?
174
00:06:25,245 --> 00:06:28,030
Vanessa and Eve really
never clicked, you know?
175
00:06:28,082 --> 00:06:30,032
They don't like the same kind of things.
176
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:31,417
Oh. Eve's more like you?
177
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:32,502
- You bet she is.
- Oh?
178
00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:35,004
She enjoys doing stuff that's interesting.
179
00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:37,540
Yesterday, she slid the truck
180
00:06:37,591 --> 00:06:39,542
into a tight j-turn right into a 180.
181
00:06:39,593 --> 00:06:40,626
Damn!
182
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:43,613
It was like being in a Springsteen song.
183
00:06:43,647 --> 00:06:44,764
Uh-huh? Wait a minute. Now, why...
184
00:06:44,798 --> 00:06:46,999
well, why don't you
hand that off to Vanessa?
185
00:06:47,017 --> 00:06:50,269
The driving lessons.
Let them bond over that.
186
00:06:50,304 --> 00:06:51,904
But teaching Eve how to drive is fun.
187
00:06:51,939 --> 00:06:53,222
Put her and Vanessa together
188
00:06:53,273 --> 00:06:55,725
doing something Eve enjoys doing.
189
00:06:55,776 --> 00:06:58,694
Otherwise, it'll be
"Au revoir, bon temps."
190
00:07:00,114 --> 00:07:02,648
"Goodbye, good times."
191
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,184
That should have been
the name of that movie.
192
00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:09,738
Mandy: Kyle, I'm serious.
193
00:07:09,772 --> 00:07:11,172
You've got to start saying no to my dad
194
00:07:11,207 --> 00:07:12,524
when he asks you to work around here.
195
00:07:12,575 --> 00:07:15,193
Or just pretend that
you're incompetent, okay?
196
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,978
That's always worked for me.
197
00:07:16,996 --> 00:07:18,914
Yeah, but you're a natural at it.
198
00:07:20,249 --> 00:07:22,417
Hey, morning.
199
00:07:22,451 --> 00:07:23,752
Kyle, it smells like
something died under the house.
200
00:07:23,786 --> 00:07:25,036
Guess who's gonna go look for it.
201
00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:26,421
Come on!
202
00:07:26,455 --> 00:07:29,090
And you can keep whatever you find.
203
00:07:30,176 --> 00:07:31,626
Kyle, just say "no."
204
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,128
Okay.
205
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,262
Yes.
206
00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:39,050
I'm sorry. I held out as long as I could.
207
00:07:39,135 --> 00:07:40,602
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
208
00:07:40,636 --> 00:07:42,020
You're gonna need a hammer, right?
209
00:07:42,054 --> 00:07:43,388
The dead one probably had friends
210
00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:44,672
that are coming to his funeral.
211
00:07:46,392 --> 00:07:50,528
Hey. Kyle's mine. Get your own boyfriend.
212
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,449
Hey, Mandy. Good morning.
213
00:07:54,483 --> 00:07:56,568
Okay. What's her problem?
214
00:07:56,619 --> 00:07:58,286
I think she's mad at Kyle.
215
00:07:58,321 --> 00:08:00,622
He's been blowing her off a lot lately.
216
00:08:00,656 --> 00:08:02,791
Well, hey, let's hit the road.
217
00:08:02,825 --> 00:08:04,993
I just watched "Fast &
Furious 6" last night,
218
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,162
and I'm all geeked up
to try some new moves.
219
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,330
Hey, a little change today.
220
00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:10,065
Your mom's gonna take
you out for your lesson.
221
00:08:10,099 --> 00:08:11,049
Huh?
222
00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:13,918
No phones, check your mirror,
223
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:17,372
and remember the brake is your buddy.
224
00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:22,677
Am I being punished?
225
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:26,181
Punished? Didn't you hear your mother?
226
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,883
She's got fun slogans.
227
00:08:28,901 --> 00:08:30,518
Slogans?
228
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,220
Honey, come on, we're gonna
have a blast. Let's go. Come on.
229
00:08:32,238 --> 00:08:33,388
Go on, ow.
230
00:08:33,406 --> 00:08:35,940
See how many smiles per gallon you can get.
231
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:43,412
Hey, Mike Baxter here with
"Protect your nugget" week
232
00:08:43,430 --> 00:08:44,713
here at Outdoor Man.
233
00:08:44,747 --> 00:08:47,550
You know, we sell helmets
for just about everything...
234
00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:50,553
Biking, mountain climbing, kayaking.
235
00:08:50,587 --> 00:08:54,390
We'll even sell you a helmet for fishing.
236
00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:00,980
[Bleep] [Bleep] That knocked my hat off!
237
00:09:01,031 --> 00:09:03,983
But we don't sell any protection
238
00:09:04,034 --> 00:09:06,485
for the single most
dangerous thing we do...
239
00:09:06,536 --> 00:09:10,489
sharing the road with
the American teenager...
240
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:13,709
The reckless, inept, and accident-prone.
241
00:09:13,743 --> 00:09:15,161
[Horns blares, tires screech]
242
00:09:15,212 --> 00:09:17,997
But in all fairness, they are texting.
243
00:09:21,218 --> 00:09:22,668
The problem is, here in the United States,
244
00:09:22,719 --> 00:09:24,670
we barely teach kids how to drive.
245
00:09:24,721 --> 00:09:26,222
So the first time they hit trouble,
246
00:09:26,256 --> 00:09:28,591
all they know how to do is
slam on the brakes and do this.
247
00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:30,593
[Tires screech] [Whimpers]
248
00:09:30,627 --> 00:09:31,844
"O-m-g."
249
00:09:31,895 --> 00:09:35,848
When actually, sometimes
the safest thing to do
250
00:09:35,899 --> 00:09:39,185
is apply a little accelerator
and drive through the problem.
251
00:09:39,236 --> 00:09:40,519
Here we go.
252
00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:41,821
[Engine revs]
253
00:09:43,106 --> 00:09:45,474
[Bell dinging]
254
00:09:47,727 --> 00:09:51,547
Ah, Denmark... famous for their giant dogs
255
00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:53,032
and breakfast pastries.
256
00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:54,283
And get this...
257
00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:57,102
the lowest automobile-injury
rate in the world.
258
00:09:57,137 --> 00:09:59,455
Why? Denmark?
259
00:09:59,489 --> 00:10:01,123
Because in order to get a driver's license,
260
00:10:01,157 --> 00:10:02,625
a teenager in Denmark has to go through
261
00:10:02,659 --> 00:10:04,593
a grueling series of road tests...
262
00:10:04,628 --> 00:10:06,095
cornering at high speeds...
263
00:10:06,129 --> 00:10:07,996
[Tires screech]
264
00:10:07,914 --> 00:10:09,331
There you go, Sven. Good.
265
00:10:09,399 --> 00:10:12,368
Skid control on icy roads.
266
00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:15,404
Now, those are some skid
marks you can be proud of.
267
00:10:15,422 --> 00:10:17,072
So before you give your
kid the keys to the car,
268
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:19,741
race on down to Outdoor
Man and get him a kayak.
269
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,243
Maybe it will keep him off the road.
270
00:10:21,278 --> 00:10:26,432
Or he could paddle it to
Denmark and learn how to drive.
271
00:10:32,088 --> 00:10:34,557
Eve, honey, let's adjust
your grip on the wheel.
272
00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:36,225
Hands should be at 10:00 and 2:00.
273
00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:37,560
There you go.
274
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:41,063
But isn't it just as good
to have one knee at 6:00?
275
00:10:41,097 --> 00:10:44,200
Honey, keep your hands on the
wheel and watch your speed.
276
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:47,319
Relax, mom, you're in good knees.
277
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:48,654
Honey. [Sighs]
278
00:10:48,705 --> 00:10:51,323
Look, I know your father taught
you all kinds of fun tricks,
279
00:10:51,374 --> 00:10:53,125
but you still have to pass your test.
280
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,277
Don't worry, mom. I'll pass it.
281
00:10:56,079 --> 00:10:57,379
But first, I got to pass this...
282
00:10:57,414 --> 00:10:59,948
[Horn honks] ... dumbass in this R.V.!
283
00:10:59,966 --> 00:11:02,451
I think that's the
organist from our church.
284
00:11:02,469 --> 00:11:04,837
Hey, drive it or park it, Mrs. Gaffney!
285
00:11:04,888 --> 00:11:07,456
Honey, honey! Watch the road rage!
286
00:11:07,474 --> 00:11:10,259
Well, it isn't road rage
until you get out of the car.
287
00:11:10,293 --> 00:11:12,094
You know what? That's it.
288
00:11:12,128 --> 00:11:13,262
You're not taking this seriously.
289
00:11:13,296 --> 00:11:14,630
Pull over. I'll drive us home.
290
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:16,065
Come on.
291
00:11:16,132 --> 00:11:17,399
Oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
292
00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:19,935
I think Mrs. Gaffney is pulling over, too.
293
00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:23,322
- Now it's road rage.
- [Stammering]
294
00:11:24,274 --> 00:11:26,158
Hey, you got a problem, lady?!
295
00:11:30,497 --> 00:11:32,248
I found the dead animal, Mr. B.
296
00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:33,315
Good work, Kyle.
297
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:35,117
Yeah, I just had to wrestle it away
298
00:11:35,151 --> 00:11:38,287
from the animal that killed it.
299
00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:40,456
You know, despite their cuteness,
300
00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:43,125
raccoons are kind of jerks.
301
00:11:43,159 --> 00:11:46,328
Kyle, I... I feel bad about
springing all these jobs on you.
302
00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:48,314
Yeah, I've been wanting
to talk to you about that.
303
00:11:48,348 --> 00:11:50,683
So from now on, I'm gonna
be telling you ahead of time.
304
00:11:52,018 --> 00:11:54,836
Tomorrow, we're gonna reseal the driveway.
305
00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:57,306
And by "we," I mean you.
306
00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,174
I'll just stop by and critique your job
307
00:11:59,192 --> 00:12:00,676
during the middle of the day.
308
00:12:00,694 --> 00:12:03,679
I do love the smell of tar.
309
00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,013
Good deal.
310
00:12:05,031 --> 00:12:07,349
But it's important to
Mandy that I grow a spine
311
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:10,152
and start saying "no," so...
312
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:11,904
No?
313
00:12:11,955 --> 00:12:14,240
Hold on.
314
00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:16,909
Mandy wants you to say no to me?
315
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,460
Boy, she doesn't get us, does she?
316
00:12:18,495 --> 00:12:21,130
[Laughing] Yeah.
317
00:12:21,164 --> 00:12:24,967
I'm not entirely sure I do, either.
318
00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:26,635
You know, Kyle, it is important
319
00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:28,304
that you learn how to say "no."
320
00:12:28,338 --> 00:12:30,472
I'm so happy to hear you say that.
321
00:12:30,507 --> 00:12:33,309
To Mandy.
322
00:12:33,343 --> 00:12:36,145
You got me again, sir.
323
00:12:36,179 --> 00:12:37,179
Whoa. Stop.
324
00:12:37,213 --> 00:12:39,014
Kyle, did you just promise my dad
325
00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:40,683
that you'd do some other
stupid chore for him today?
326
00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:42,484
- No, first thing in the morning.
- Come on!
327
00:12:42,519 --> 00:12:44,270
Kyle.
328
00:12:44,321 --> 00:12:45,604
Okay.
329
00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:48,390
Mr. B., I... I can't do
this stuff for you anymore.
330
00:12:48,408 --> 00:12:50,392
Yes! I win!
331
00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:53,228
And your reward, Kyle... you
get to take me shoe shopping.
332
00:12:53,246 --> 00:12:54,580
Now, I want to get a true fit,
333
00:12:54,614 --> 00:12:56,582
so I might ask you to carry
me so my feet don't swell.
334
00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,735
- Whoa, Mandy.
- Hey, Kyle. Kyle, Kyle.
335
00:12:59,753 --> 00:13:01,737
You start carrying her around a shoe store,
336
00:13:01,755 --> 00:13:04,906
you might as well get fitted for a saddle.
337
00:13:04,925 --> 00:13:07,459
I have to start saying "no" to both of you.
338
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:08,877
You're saying no to me?
339
00:13:08,911 --> 00:13:10,245
- Yes.
- No.
340
00:13:10,263 --> 00:13:11,580
Yes.
341
00:13:11,598 --> 00:13:14,883
We always do what you want
to do, but no more, okay?
342
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,970
Today, I would like to go ride dirt bikes,
343
00:13:18,021 --> 00:13:19,855
and you are more than welcome to join me,
344
00:13:19,889 --> 00:13:21,607
especially if you have two dirt bikes.
345
00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:26,645
Can you believe the
way he just spoke to me?
346
00:13:26,696 --> 00:13:28,030
Yeah, that took guts.
347
00:13:28,064 --> 00:13:29,598
My respect for that kid...
348
00:13:29,616 --> 00:13:31,200
actually, I have some now.
349
00:13:31,234 --> 00:13:33,819
Yeah.
350
00:13:33,870 --> 00:13:35,988
Me, too. That was super hot.
351
00:13:36,039 --> 00:13:38,157
Kyle, wait for me!
352
00:13:39,292 --> 00:13:40,609
Oh, thank God it's you.
353
00:13:40,627 --> 00:13:41,943
There was a 50-50 chance
354
00:13:41,962 --> 00:13:44,446
I'd be holding your dad right now.
355
00:13:45,448 --> 00:13:46,782
Ugh.
356
00:13:48,418 --> 00:13:51,220
Hey. How did the driving lesson go?
357
00:13:51,254 --> 00:13:53,005
- Mom bailed.
- What?
358
00:13:53,056 --> 00:13:55,957
It's okay to get drunk
after driving, right?
359
00:13:55,976 --> 00:13:57,009
What happened?
360
00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:58,844
Well, ask "10:00 and 2:00" over here.
361
00:13:58,895 --> 00:14:00,796
As a driving instructor, she's a zero.
362
00:14:02,298 --> 00:14:04,933
The good thing is you gals had some laughs.
363
00:14:04,967 --> 00:14:06,268
You did all the fun stuff
364
00:14:06,302 --> 00:14:08,270
and you left the boring
stuff for me to teach,
365
00:14:08,304 --> 00:14:10,572
like laws and how not to die.
366
00:14:10,607 --> 00:14:12,307
Dad taught me all that stuff, too,
367
00:14:12,325 --> 00:14:14,059
but at least he enjoys my company.
368
00:14:14,094 --> 00:14:15,477
I enjoy your company.
369
00:14:15,495 --> 00:14:18,414
Not at this moment
particularly, but I... I... I do.
370
00:14:18,448 --> 00:14:19,748
Just forget it, mom.
371
00:14:19,783 --> 00:14:21,083
What? What?
372
00:14:21,117 --> 00:14:22,267
If you have something to say
to me, just say it. What is it?
373
00:14:22,302 --> 00:14:23,452
I'm not an idiot.
374
00:14:23,486 --> 00:14:25,287
I know why you suddenly want to hang out.
375
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:26,622
The two daughters you actually like
376
00:14:26,656 --> 00:14:28,290
are all busy, so you're thinking, "hmm.
377
00:14:28,324 --> 00:14:30,259
Don't I have another one of
these laying around somewhere?"
378
00:14:31,511 --> 00:14:32,994
E... Eve, Eve, Eve!
379
00:14:33,013 --> 00:14:35,597
Don't talk to your mom like that!
380
00:14:35,632 --> 00:14:37,182
Listen, don't listen don't listen to her.
381
00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:38,767
She got hit in the head with a soccer ball
382
00:14:38,802 --> 00:14:41,270
way too many times.
383
00:14:41,304 --> 00:14:42,271
- I do tons of stuff with Eve.
- I know you do.
384
00:14:42,305 --> 00:14:43,605
Honey, you don't need to tell me.
385
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,391
- I... I take her for milkshakes at Stony's.
- I know.
386
00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:48,027
Stony's closed years ago, honey.
387
00:14:48,978 --> 00:14:52,314
It turned into a blockbuster,
which is out of business now.
388
00:14:52,348 --> 00:14:53,649
It's a... it's a vacant lot.
389
00:14:53,683 --> 00:14:55,117
But you know, o... oddly enough,
390
00:14:55,151 --> 00:14:56,452
th... they're thinking of putting
a milkshake place back there.
391
00:14:56,486 --> 00:14:58,186
- Oh, stop.
- Yeah.
392
00:14:58,204 --> 00:14:59,688
You know, maybe she's right.
393
00:14:59,706 --> 00:15:00,856
- She's not right.
- Honey, please.
394
00:15:00,874 --> 00:15:02,074
- No, she is.
- Vanessa, Vanessa.
395
00:15:02,125 --> 00:15:03,575
I... I have spent a lot more
time with her sisters and...
396
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:06,245
and I really let things slide with Eve.
397
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,580
I'm such a bad, bad mom.
398
00:15:08,631 --> 00:15:10,015
Don't be so hard on yourself.
399
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:12,033
You're close to different kids
at different times in your life.
400
00:15:12,052 --> 00:15:13,685
Mm, do you think Kristin
and Mandy resent you
401
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,370
for not spending more time with them?
402
00:15:15,388 --> 00:15:17,038
Don't know, don't care.
403
00:15:19,208 --> 00:15:22,210
I'm gonna go talk to Eve.
404
00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:24,480
Well, you could do that.
405
00:15:24,514 --> 00:15:25,481
Or?
406
00:15:25,515 --> 00:15:27,316
Or you could give it some time,
407
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:28,484
let her think about it.
408
00:15:28,518 --> 00:15:31,603
This is coming from me, the Eve expert.
409
00:15:34,691 --> 00:15:36,892
[Groans]
410
00:15:45,636 --> 00:15:47,386
[Guitar playing]
411
00:15:47,437 --> 00:15:48,704
[Knock on door] Hey.
412
00:15:49,773 --> 00:15:51,491
Mothers and daughters, huh?
413
00:15:51,525 --> 00:15:52,892
What are you doing?
414
00:15:52,943 --> 00:15:54,477
Having a little
heart-to-heart with you.
415
00:15:54,511 --> 00:15:56,779
Hmm. Pass.
416
00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:59,315
We could have a foot-to-butt
'cause I don't like
417
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:00,900
how you talked to your mom.
418
00:16:00,951 --> 00:16:03,236
Dad, you know everything I said was true.
419
00:16:03,287 --> 00:16:06,239
She'd much rather be hanging
out with Mandy or Kristin,
420
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:08,357
taking them to brunch or to the spa.
421
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:11,460
Do you have any interest
in any of those things?
422
00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:12,562
Hell no.
423
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,697
But I'd like to be asked
so I can roll my eyes.
424
00:16:14,731 --> 00:16:16,499
After seven years of rolling your eyes,
425
00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:17,917
maybe your mom stopped trying.
426
00:16:17,968 --> 00:16:19,785
See? She bailed on me.
427
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:20,920
You bailed on her.
428
00:16:20,954 --> 00:16:22,922
Because everything she likes to do is lame.
429
00:16:22,956 --> 00:16:25,224
"The brake is your buddy.
The brake is your buddy."
430
00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:26,809
The brake may be her only buddy.
431
00:16:26,844 --> 00:16:29,145
[Sighs] Your mom does
that because she loves you
432
00:16:29,179 --> 00:16:31,097
and wants you safe. You
only think she's lame
433
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:33,432
because you're comparing her to stuff I do.
434
00:16:33,483 --> 00:16:35,818
I killed a mountain
lion with my bare hands.
435
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:37,403
Mm. I'm not sure that counts
436
00:16:37,437 --> 00:16:39,488
if your bare hands are holding a rifle.
437
00:16:39,523 --> 00:16:44,994
Some guys wear gloves.
That's all I'm saying.
438
00:16:45,028 --> 00:16:47,663
You know, I think
sometimes this is my fault
439
00:16:47,698 --> 00:16:49,866
because I hogged you all your life.
440
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,684
I had two daughters, and
I really wanted a son.
441
00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:54,804
You can only imagine how excited
I was when you came along.
442
00:16:54,838 --> 00:16:57,707
I'm a daughter, too, dad.
443
00:16:57,741 --> 00:16:59,725
Don't sell yourself short.
444
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,795
You're much more than
that to me, all right?
445
00:17:02,846 --> 00:17:04,714
Listen, your mom reached out
to you, and you shut her down.
446
00:17:04,748 --> 00:17:06,065
I think it's time you reach out to her.
447
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:07,183
That's what I'm trying to say.
448
00:17:07,217 --> 00:17:09,001
But she's the mom.
449
00:17:09,036 --> 00:17:10,770
And you're the kid, but not forever.
450
00:17:10,804 --> 00:17:11,854
Time goes on.
451
00:17:11,889 --> 00:17:13,422
This isn't gonna last forever, you know?
452
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,107
You want a connection with your mom?
453
00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:16,158
It's a great thing.
454
00:17:16,193 --> 00:17:18,427
I think it's time you thought of stuff
455
00:17:18,445 --> 00:17:20,930
that you guys can do
together, stuff that she likes.
456
00:17:20,948 --> 00:17:22,114
Like what?
457
00:17:22,149 --> 00:17:24,951
Uh, mani-pedis, pedi-manis,
that stuff, and you...
458
00:17:24,985 --> 00:17:27,653
you pluck and you prod
and you pull and you oil
459
00:17:27,704 --> 00:17:30,206
and a lot of emollients that stuff.
460
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,042
How... how about French movies?
461
00:17:41,418 --> 00:17:42,885
- Hey, mom.
- Hmm?
462
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,053
Are you busy?
463
00:17:44,087 --> 00:17:45,838
Hey, honey.
464
00:17:45,889 --> 00:17:48,090
Uh, yeah, I... I just got a call from work.
465
00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:49,909
I got to drive out to Somerset.
466
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,310
Um...
467
00:17:51,345 --> 00:17:54,096
I just wanted to tell you I
thought I was kind of a jerk
468
00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:55,932
today in the car.
469
00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:58,467
Yeah, you... you kind of were.
470
00:17:59,987 --> 00:18:02,455
And you might want to send
a note to Mrs. Gaffney,
471
00:18:02,489 --> 00:18:06,192
or at least pay to get her wig dry-cleaned.
472
00:18:08,078 --> 00:18:09,695
Honey, come here, come here, come on.
473
00:18:09,836 --> 00:18:12,038
Come sit down. Come on.
474
00:18:12,072 --> 00:18:15,124
I always have time for my
third-favorite daughter.
475
00:18:17,243 --> 00:18:19,211
I... I just wanted to say
476
00:18:19,245 --> 00:18:21,213
that I... I miss us hanging out, you know?
477
00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:25,518
I think we should do more things together.
478
00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:29,855
Me, too. Me, too.
479
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:31,273
Like what?
480
00:18:33,143 --> 00:18:34,627
[Sighs]
481
00:18:34,661 --> 00:18:37,063
Uh... you like wine, right?
482
00:18:37,097 --> 00:18:39,231
Oh. [Laughs]
483
00:18:39,265 --> 00:18:41,400
Nice try. Nice try.
484
00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:42,568
Now, come on. Come on.
485
00:18:42,602 --> 00:18:43,702
Let's think of something else.
486
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,071
What... what... what did we used to do?
487
00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:47,907
Gosh. I don't know. Just...
488
00:18:47,941 --> 00:18:51,243
Um...
489
00:18:51,278 --> 00:18:54,163
you used to give me baths.
490
00:18:54,214 --> 00:18:56,582
Well, that might be kind of weird now.
491
00:18:56,616 --> 00:18:58,283
[Groans] Yeah.
492
00:18:58,301 --> 00:18:59,752
Well, hey, um, what's going on in Somerset?
493
00:18:59,786 --> 00:19:01,120
Is that something?
494
00:19:01,138 --> 00:19:04,957
Uh, well, I'm decommissioning
the entry point to a coal seam.
495
00:19:04,975 --> 00:19:07,626
But y... you don't want to hear about this.
496
00:19:07,644 --> 00:19:08,961
No, it... I'm interested.
497
00:19:08,979 --> 00:19:12,181
Uh, well, first, we have
to ventilate the mine
498
00:19:12,232 --> 00:19:13,599
for residual V.A.M.
499
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,935
Yeah, V.A.M. Yeah.
500
00:19:15,969 --> 00:19:17,353
You don't want any of that hanging around.
501
00:19:17,404 --> 00:19:18,687
No, you don't.
502
00:19:18,738 --> 00:19:21,574
And after that, we initiate
a controlled implosion
503
00:19:21,608 --> 00:19:23,308
to seal the main shaft.
504
00:19:23,326 --> 00:19:26,145
W... wait. Wait, wait, wait.
505
00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:27,813
Implosion?
506
00:19:27,831 --> 00:19:31,033
That, like, kind of sounds like
you're blowing something up.
507
00:19:31,084 --> 00:19:34,954
- I am.
- Well, why didn't you just say that?
508
00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:38,457
Okay, I'm... I'm... I'm
blowing up a coal mine.
509
00:19:38,491 --> 00:19:39,792
[Chuckles]
510
00:19:39,826 --> 00:19:42,711
Yeah, maybe I should have led with that.
511
00:19:42,762 --> 00:19:44,096
Oh, my... oh, my God.
512
00:19:44,131 --> 00:19:46,549
W... w... what are you working
with, nitro, R.D.X., dynamite?
513
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,217
What's your ordnance?
514
00:19:48,268 --> 00:19:49,885
Dynamite, about half a ton.
515
00:19:49,936 --> 00:19:51,670
Sweet! I'm so in!
516
00:19:51,688 --> 00:19:53,139
No, honey. No, no. It's kind of dangerous.
517
00:19:53,173 --> 00:19:55,341
You don't have to sweeten the pot, mom.
518
00:19:58,145 --> 00:20:00,196
- Please.
- Okay, okay, okay.
519
00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:02,615
Oh, what the hell? But listen.
520
00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:05,284
You got to go by my
rules and no complaining.
521
00:20:05,318 --> 00:20:07,703
I will put my hands at 10:00
and 2:00 on the detonator.
522
00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:10,039
But seriously, I... I can't
wait to tell all my friends
523
00:20:10,073 --> 00:20:11,523
that you, like, blow stuff up.
524
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:13,292
Not only that, but after the implosion,
525
00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:15,578
I examine the sedimentary
debris for bituminous rock.
526
00:20:15,629 --> 00:20:17,362
Don't dork out on me, mom.
527
00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:18,831
Okay. No, no.
528
00:20:18,865 --> 00:20:19,865
[Laughs]
529
00:20:19,916 --> 00:20:22,701
Yeah, I... I blow stuff up.
530
00:20:22,719 --> 00:20:24,703
Great. Let's hit it.
531
00:20:24,721 --> 00:20:26,038
Um, wait.
532
00:20:26,056 --> 00:20:27,673
Uh, Somerset's like three hours away.
533
00:20:27,707 --> 00:20:29,091
You don't need your helmet yet.
534
00:20:29,142 --> 00:20:32,544
Yes, I do 'cause you are driving.
535
00:20:32,562 --> 00:20:34,597
Yes!
536
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,292
- Eve: Yes! Touchdown!
- Mike: Touchdown!
537
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:45,594
- Whoo!
- I'm gonna celebrate with a cold beer.
538
00:20:45,628 --> 00:20:46,578
You've earned it.
539
00:20:46,596 --> 00:20:48,913
You carried that team on your back.
540
00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:51,049
Oh, honey, is that the player
you were telling me about
541
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,584
on the drive back from Somerset?
542
00:20:52,602 --> 00:20:54,019
The one who got suspended?
543
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,137
Yes.
544
00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:56,188
Luckily for us,
545
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,606
the suspension cost him like 800 grand,
546
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,690
so now he's pissed
547
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:00,325
and knocking the snot
out of the other team.
548
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,277
Oh. Who are we playing?
549
00:21:02,311 --> 00:21:03,761
- The Raiders.
- Hmm.
550
00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:05,764
How's their season going?
551
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,300
Well, you know the mine shaft we blew up?
552
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:10,035
- Yeah.
- A little worse than that.
553
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,169
[Imitates explosion]
554
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:13,088
- Hey, dad.
- Hi.
555
00:21:13,122 --> 00:21:14,489
What you looking at?
556
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:19,961
Ah, sometimes when God closes
a coal mine, he opens a window.
557
00:21:23,818 --> 00:21:31,946
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addiced.com -
558
00:21:32,305 --> 00:21:38,310
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