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Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
2
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Uh, hey, Mike, there's
something blocking the door.
3
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Yeah, some idiot left those in my garage.
4
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These are all my boxes.
5
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Oh.
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Look, if I don't recycle a
milk jug, you have a stroke,
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but you don't mind using my
garage as your personal landfill.
8
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Yeah, well, Kristin and I
don't have the extra space.
9
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Sure you do... out behind
your apartment building.
10
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It's called a dumpster.
11
00:00:37,342 --> 00:00:38,808
Hey, look. My ukulele.
12
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Yeah. Great.
13
00:00:40,011 --> 00:00:41,844
Why don't you give me
a little Jimmy Hendrix?
14
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Never learned to play.
15
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No, I mean light it on fire.
16
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You can't make fun of my leather crafting,
because this is some quality work.
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You won't eat meat, but if someone kills
a cow, you'll play with its skin.
18
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That's just weird.
19
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- Hey. Hi, honey.
- Come on in.
20
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You're just in time for a stroll down
Ryan's boulevard of broken dreams.
21
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Hi, dad.
22
00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:05,301
Hey, bud. How was school?
23
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Bye, dad.
24
00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:09,105
Okay, what did he do now?
25
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Apparently, he got suspended for the day
26
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for announcing that his teacher
was (Singsong voice) boring.
27
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Great. That's awesome.
28
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That's a little harsh.
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I mean, the worst thing I ever got
for telling a joke was detention.
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And I... I worked
pretty blue back then.
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That was his third strike.
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He keeps getting in trouble
for disrupting the class,
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and I have no idea
what's going on with him.
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Well, I'll tell you
what it is... he's bored.
35
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Yeah, no kidding.
36
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He didn't get suspended for saying
(Singsong voice) "interesting."
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Did you talk to his
teacher like I told you to?
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His teacher is the problem, okay?
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If she was doing her
job, he wouldn't be bored.
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Oh, everybody blames the teacher.
41
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You know, but it's hard for
us to keep the kids interested
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when we have to teach to the test and
Lisa Morales shows up in a halter top.
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Put Boyd in another class and maybe
get Lisa Morales a nice sweater.
44
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Oh, stop that.
45
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I can't just put him
in another class, okay?
46
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There's all sorts of rules against that.
47
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But something's got to change 'cause
he's not learning anything anymore.
48
00:02:03,328 --> 00:02:05,728
Wow. The public education system.
49
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Imagine that... a large government
program that doesn't work very well.
50
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Hey!
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Despite the heroic efforts of our teachers.
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Well, luckily, I'm off tomorrow,
so I can stay home with him.
53
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You know, why don't you
make it a day of learning?
54
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Maybe take him to the
museum or the aquarium?
55
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Wait a second.
56
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We could do something my dad and I
used to love to do... move boxes!
57
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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
58
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Morning, Mike. Here are the reports.
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I'll get them to Kris.
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Listen, you put your kids
in private school, right?
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Oh, yeah.
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Cost me a lot of money, too.
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Every parents' night I went
to, I picked up a new wife.
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What was your pick-up line?
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"My kid's struggling to stay in school,
much like your bosom in that sweater."
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No, mine was more like,
"Hi, I'm a millionaire."
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Why are you asking about private schools?
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It's for Boyd.
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The only thing public education is
teaching him is how to hate learning.
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00:03:03,655 --> 00:03:05,375
Oh, Kristin told me
about Boyd's suspension.
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I didn't know that they were
planning to switch schools.
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She doesn't know about this yet.
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But she'll be all right with this.
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The research is for Ryan.
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I like to get overwhelming
evidence for why people are wrong.
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Ah, I see.
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Well, you're a wonderful grandfather,
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and you're not overstepping in the least.
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Kyle, I need this raccoon
problem solved, like, yesterday.
80
00:03:28,479 --> 00:03:32,515
Well, if you needed it solved yesterday,
you should have come to me yesterday.
81
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Actually, yesterday was my day off.
82
00:03:34,619 --> 00:03:37,219
Although, I was here in
an unofficial capacity.
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You know, just shopping and loading
some boxes, a few deliveries.
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Super relaxing.
85
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What's this about a raccoon?
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00:03:44,195 --> 00:03:47,730
There's one hiding in the store and
raiding the restaurant at night,
87
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which is a huge health-code violation.
88
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Unless you can get him to wear a hair net.
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Raccoon in a hair net!
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I am going to call an exterminator.
91
00:04:00,511 --> 00:04:01,544
Oh, no, no, no, no.
92
00:04:01,579 --> 00:04:02,478
No exterminator.
93
00:04:02,513 --> 00:04:04,313
No, no. This is a hunting store.
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00:04:04,349 --> 00:04:06,015
I mean, how would that look?
95
00:04:06,050 --> 00:04:07,850
What exactly are you suggesting?
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00:04:07,885 --> 00:04:10,186
I'm not suggesting anything.
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Just keep it to a small caliber.
98
00:04:12,824 --> 00:04:17,026
I just don't want all that raccoon
blood on the merchandise.
99
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Okay?
100
00:04:20,331 --> 00:04:22,031
- Hey, love.
- Hey, honey.
101
00:04:22,066 --> 00:04:23,632
You're on your own for dinner tonight.
102
00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:25,234
I pulled some stew out of the freezer.
103
00:04:25,269 --> 00:04:28,170
Great, 'cause it can watch me order pizza.
104
00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:32,208
I thought we were gonna stay home,
talk to Ryan about Boyd's school?
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00:04:32,243 --> 00:04:33,909
Well, you're on your own for that, too.
106
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I have to go back to the
school for a mandatory meeting.
107
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What kind of meeting do you have right now.
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Probably about the importance
of mandatory meetings.
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As long as it takes time and
energy away from the students,
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that's what's important.
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00:04:46,891 --> 00:04:49,625
You have to delete every
one of those pictures, Eve.
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Sorry, they're already
in the cloud with grandma.
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I am not breaking up this fight.
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I don't get paid to do it here.
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Love you. Bye.
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I don't get paid for this either.
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They came out of you!
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00:05:00,538 --> 00:05:02,705
Eve took a bunch of hideous pictures of me.
119
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:03,706
It's for a class.
120
00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:05,908
We have to take an elective in the arts.
121
00:05:05,943 --> 00:05:07,877
I chose photography... you
just have to press a button
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00:05:07,912 --> 00:05:09,245
and let the camera do all the work.
123
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There's more to photography than that.
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I've taken pictures.
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There really isn't.
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I'm with Mandy on this.
127
00:05:14,419 --> 00:05:16,919
I take a lot of pictures for our catalog.
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Every picture tells a story.
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00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:19,655
Like what, dad?
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00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:21,524
There once was a man
who wanted to buy a tent?
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Or hiking boots or a gun or camping gear.
132
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There's a thousand stories.
133
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Well, the assignment was to take
pictures of somebody at work.
134
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I took pictures of Mandy.
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00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:33,135
Yeah, but she took
pictures of basement Mandy.
136
00:05:33,171 --> 00:05:35,704
No one's supposed to see basement Mandy!
137
00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:37,873
That's why she's in the basement.
138
00:05:37,909 --> 00:05:42,244
Well, you know who doesn't care about
this right now is kitchen Mike.
139
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No one's going to see these photos
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00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:48,184
but my stupid photography
teacher, Mr. Osgood.
141
00:05:48,219 --> 00:05:52,354
Aw, Mr. Osgood with the man bun
who used to play guitar at lunch?
142
00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:54,356
Aw, I had a huge crush on him!
143
00:05:54,392 --> 00:05:56,058
Have you seen him lately?
144
00:05:56,094 --> 00:06:00,162
The only thing worse than a man bun...
a receding man bun.
145
00:06:04,569 --> 00:06:06,068
Grandpa?
146
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,003
Hey, there.
147
00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:09,872
I went to the science center. (Chuckles)
148
00:06:09,907 --> 00:06:12,975
I saw a bug and another bug and another bug
149
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:15,010
and another bug and another bug...
150
00:06:15,046 --> 00:06:17,012
Great! You know who'd
love to hear this story?
151
00:06:17,048 --> 00:06:18,514
Mandy. She's out in the kitchen.
152
00:06:18,549 --> 00:06:21,817
Aunt Mandy! I went to the science center!
153
00:06:21,853 --> 00:06:23,786
I saw a bug and another bug...
154
00:06:23,821 --> 00:06:25,154
You should have seen him, Mike.
155
00:06:25,189 --> 00:06:27,323
I mean, he was running around
from exhibit to exhibit,
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asking me all sorts of questions.
157
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He couldn't get enough of it.
158
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I'm sure he was running around...
the place was crawling with bugs.
159
00:06:33,564 --> 00:06:35,297
Whatever problems he's having in school,
160
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,133
it's not because he doesn't want to learn.
161
00:06:37,168 --> 00:06:39,101
It's just he needs more
individual attention.
162
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,871
Exactly, which is why we'll
send him to private school.
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00:06:41,906 --> 00:06:43,472
Good talk.
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00:06:43,508 --> 00:06:44,473
Sorry, what?
165
00:06:44,509 --> 00:06:46,175
Are we still on this?
166
00:06:46,210 --> 00:06:49,211
Private schools are elitist, and they
go against all of my principles.
167
00:06:49,247 --> 00:06:51,347
Well, for once, this isn't
about your principles.
168
00:06:51,382 --> 00:06:53,015
It's about what's best for the kid.
169
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,184
We really aren't a private-school family.
170
00:06:55,219 --> 00:06:57,419
Well, Vanessa and I would be
happy to help you pay for it.
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00:06:57,455 --> 00:06:59,095
Well, not happy, but we would pay for it.
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00:06:59,123 --> 00:07:00,656
Mike, I...
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00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:01,724
Listen, listen.
174
00:07:01,759 --> 00:07:03,659
Look, private schools have more freedom.
175
00:07:03,694 --> 00:07:06,829
They have smaller class sizes, and,
as you so brilliantly pointed out,
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00:07:06,864 --> 00:07:09,298
Boyd needs the individual attention.
177
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:12,234
Okay. Fine.
178
00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:14,336
I suppose it wouldn't hurt to
look into some private schools.
179
00:07:14,372 --> 00:07:15,471
Don't have to bother.
180
00:07:15,506 --> 00:07:17,640
I already did all your research for you.
181
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:18,741
Ha, ha!
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00:07:18,776 --> 00:07:20,009
All right, great talk.
183
00:07:25,616 --> 00:07:28,117
All right, the raccoon traps
are all set for tonight.
184
00:07:28,152 --> 00:07:30,619
We just have to wait for
the bait to finish cooking.
185
00:07:32,156 --> 00:07:33,088
Cooking?
186
00:07:33,124 --> 00:07:35,157
Did the raccoon order a last meal?
187
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,527
I know you're joking,
but if you humanize him,
188
00:07:38,563 --> 00:07:41,397
it's gonna make it harder to kill him.
189
00:07:41,432 --> 00:07:43,065
And because it's so important to catch him,
190
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:44,820
I'm making my grandmother's
beef wellington.
191
00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:47,236
Oh. That sounds like a lot of work.
192
00:07:47,271 --> 00:07:48,270
No, not really.
193
00:07:48,306 --> 00:07:50,306
I didn't make the puff pastry from scratch.
194
00:07:50,341 --> 00:07:52,274
I figured Mr. "I usually eat garbage"
195
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:53,943
wouldn't know the difference.
196
00:07:56,013 --> 00:07:57,346
Darn it, I humanized him.
197
00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:01,183
Hey, Kris. This is from Ed's office.
198
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:02,551
Okay. Thanks.
199
00:08:02,587 --> 00:08:03,752
Something smells good.
200
00:08:03,788 --> 00:08:05,154
What's the special today?
201
00:08:05,189 --> 00:08:07,289
Raccoon bait.
202
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:09,592
You might want to think of a
better name for the chalkboard.
203
00:08:09,627 --> 00:08:12,461
Hey, listen, uh, Ryan's coming in.
204
00:08:12,496 --> 00:08:15,376
We had a long talk last night, and I
think that he might be coming around
205
00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:16,799
to your whole private-school idea.
206
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,702
Well, you know what? Your
dad can be very convincing.
207
00:08:19,737 --> 00:08:23,439
Not all the time, 'cause this place
is not called "outdoor Mike's."
208
00:08:23,474 --> 00:08:25,207
- Hey, there he is.
- Hi.
209
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,209
Hi.
210
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:28,377
Hey, Mike.
211
00:08:28,412 --> 00:08:30,112
I wanted to thank you
for your talk yesterday.
212
00:08:30,147 --> 00:08:31,847
You made some really good points.
213
00:08:31,882 --> 00:08:34,149
I had a little help from
something called reality.
214
00:08:34,185 --> 00:08:35,951
I was dropping Boyd off today at school,
215
00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:38,053
and he asked me "why do
I have to go back here?"
216
00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:39,655
And I didn't know what to tell him.
217
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:42,725
Kind of choking on the
words "grandpa was right"?
218
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,627
He had so much fun learning yesterday,
219
00:08:44,662 --> 00:08:48,197
and I realized he's never gonna get
that in those big classes at Clark.
220
00:08:48,232 --> 00:08:51,400
I told you last night that I think
private school is a great idea.
221
00:08:51,435 --> 00:08:52,501
I know.
222
00:08:52,536 --> 00:08:54,336
But I have an even better idea. Oh, boy.
223
00:08:54,372 --> 00:08:59,742
I'm gonna take him out of Clark
and I'm gonna homeschool him.
224
00:08:59,777 --> 00:09:04,213
Hey, looks like reality and I
have a little more work to do.
225
00:09:10,686 --> 00:09:12,986
You want to homeschool Boyd?
226
00:09:13,022 --> 00:09:15,189
Yes. I think it's the
perfect solution for him.
227
00:09:15,224 --> 00:09:16,390
Really?
228
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:19,393
You two sitting around in your Buzz
Lightyear pajamas, doing algebra?
229
00:09:20,567 --> 00:09:22,168
Yeah, this actually doesn't concern you.
230
00:09:22,198 --> 00:09:23,597
I just came to talk to you about it.
231
00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:24,731
Yeah, yeah. How do you want to handle this?
232
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:27,768
You want to gang up on him, or
do it in that sneaky wife way?
233
00:09:27,803 --> 00:09:30,704
Dad, I have a lot of faith in Ryan.
234
00:09:30,739 --> 00:09:33,273
Ah, the sneaky wife way.
235
00:09:33,309 --> 00:09:35,876
What I'm saying is, if he thinks
this is something he can do,
236
00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:37,678
then I'm open to having that discussion.
237
00:09:37,713 --> 00:09:38,712
Let's discuss it.
238
00:09:38,747 --> 00:09:39,613
Bad idea.
239
00:09:39,648 --> 00:09:41,215
End of discussion.
240
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:43,917
You know what? Maybe we'll just talk
about this when you get home. Yeah.
241
00:09:43,953 --> 00:09:45,219
But I am really excited.
242
00:09:45,254 --> 00:09:48,021
I think it's gonna be great.
243
00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:50,290
I'll tell you what, public education's
starting to look pretty good
244
00:09:50,326 --> 00:09:52,359
right about now, isn't it?
245
00:09:52,394 --> 00:09:53,961
Are you okay with this?
246
00:09:53,996 --> 00:09:55,596
I-I'm not sure what I am yet, okay?
247
00:09:55,631 --> 00:09:57,331
It kind of just came out of the blue.
248
00:09:57,366 --> 00:09:59,633
When I was a kid, in our neighborhood,
249
00:09:59,668 --> 00:10:02,102
there was a homeschooled
boy, Tommy Clayman.
250
00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:04,805
He used to carry goldfish around in a bowl.
251
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,174
What does that have to
do with homeschooling?
252
00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:08,609
He learned that somewhere!
253
00:10:10,613 --> 00:10:12,946
I need some time to figure
out how I feel about this.
254
00:10:12,982 --> 00:10:14,615
Aren't you the one who always says
255
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:17,150
to gather all of the information
before making a decision?
256
00:10:17,186 --> 00:10:19,453
There was no water in the bowl!
257
00:10:24,059 --> 00:10:25,459
I got your text.
258
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,561
What are you
...oh, my God.
259
00:10:27,596 --> 00:10:32,599
Oh, I just figured that I should
support your educational endeavors,
260
00:10:32,635 --> 00:10:36,904
and so if you have to take photos
of me slaving away, so be it.
261
00:10:36,939 --> 00:10:39,573
Uh, here's me pondering a sketch.
262
00:10:41,877 --> 00:10:43,343
This is me leaving.
263
00:10:43,379 --> 00:10:44,511
What? Why?
264
00:10:44,547 --> 00:10:46,179
Eve, you said you needed
pictures of me working.
265
00:10:46,215 --> 00:10:47,581
This is me working.
266
00:10:47,616 --> 00:10:49,750
We can call this one "casually
laughing with a coworker."
267
00:10:49,785 --> 00:10:52,419
(Laughs) Stop it... you're so bad!
268
00:10:52,454 --> 00:10:54,187
(Laughs)
269
00:10:54,223 --> 00:10:56,390
If the assignment was to photograph
270
00:10:56,425 --> 00:10:59,726
someone's descent into madness,
then I'd be all over this.
271
00:10:59,762 --> 00:11:03,030
Eve, those pictures you took of
me the other day were terrible.
272
00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:05,132
Well, that's because
you were deep in thought,
273
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:06,700
which your face struggles with.
274
00:11:06,735 --> 00:11:08,368
I'm just really stressed out
275
00:11:08,404 --> 00:11:11,038
about this new line of
beaded dresses I'm making,
276
00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:15,442
and the last thing I need to worry about
is photos of me winding up online.
277
00:11:15,477 --> 00:11:17,945
It could be another
Ashley Madison disaster.
278
00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:20,080
That website for cheaters that got hacked?
279
00:11:20,115 --> 00:11:22,316
No. My friend Ashley Madison.
280
00:11:23,485 --> 00:11:26,119
Her little brother posted
a photo of her sneezing.
281
00:11:26,155 --> 00:11:27,854
She never recovered socially.
282
00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:30,724
She had to go to the prom
with someone who was in band.
283
00:11:30,759 --> 00:11:31,825
Band!
284
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:37,831
Um, I'll be back when
you're really working.
285
00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:38,999
But I am working.
286
00:11:39,034 --> 00:11:40,701
This is me on the phone
with a buyer from Milan.
287
00:11:40,736 --> 00:11:43,604
(Italian accent) Oh, ciao! Rigatoni! Mozzarella!
288
00:11:43,639 --> 00:11:45,772
Eve-a, come-a back-a!
289
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,314
Hey, teacher. How was school?
290
00:11:54,350 --> 00:11:56,016
Wine.
291
00:11:57,686 --> 00:12:00,187
And I guess we have our answer.
292
00:12:02,358 --> 00:12:04,191
Honey...
293
00:12:04,226 --> 00:12:05,692
You're gonna use a glass, right?
294
00:12:08,864 --> 00:12:10,330
Fine. Hand me the big one.
295
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:17,004
Listen, since you're in such a good
mood, let me make it even better.
296
00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:19,239
Ryan wants to homeschool Boyd.
297
00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:21,041
Homeschool?
298
00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:22,876
Oh, my God.
299
00:12:22,911 --> 00:12:25,646
See, that's exactly what I said, but I...
300
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:28,215
I didn't use the lord's name in vain.
301
00:12:29,485 --> 00:12:31,585
Well, I hope you tried
to talk him out of it.
302
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:34,955
I mean, you obviously had time since
you weren't making any dinner.
303
00:12:37,026 --> 00:12:39,359
Do you want some frozen stew?
304
00:12:41,463 --> 00:12:42,796
Well, what did you tell him?
305
00:12:42,831 --> 00:12:44,631
Well, at first, I
thought it was a bad idea.
306
00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:46,908
And then I did some research,
and I'm sure you know this,
307
00:12:46,935 --> 00:12:48,969
but homeschooling has
become, like, a valid option.
308
00:12:49,004 --> 00:12:52,372
It's not just for weirdos that
carry around dead goldfish.
309
00:12:52,408 --> 00:12:55,942
You know what's scary?
310
00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:57,779
I know you're talking about
Tommy Clayman, but Senator
311
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,646
Clayman aside I'm concerned
about Boyd's socialization.
312
00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:02,549
You know, but they do get together
with other homeschooled kids.
313
00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:03,884
They go on field trips.
314
00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:05,852
It's much like your wine club
that pretends to read books.
315
00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:10,490
You need trained teachers to
help prepare kids for college.
316
00:13:10,526 --> 00:13:12,659
I talked to my chancellor
buddy at U.C. Boulder.
317
00:13:12,695 --> 00:13:14,061
They like homeschooled kids.
318
00:13:14,096 --> 00:13:16,196
They're independent,
they're critical thinkers.
319
00:13:16,231 --> 00:13:18,265
All right, well, as much as
I'm enjoying this homeschooling,
320
00:13:18,267 --> 00:13:21,234
I still think public
schools have a lot to offer.
321
00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:24,671
Yeah I get it. But you know public school
4hasn't worked well for Boyd.
322
00:13:24,707 --> 00:13:26,273
What's the future for this kid?
323
00:13:26,308 --> 00:13:29,676
He's built like a chimney sweep, and
they just don't use them anymore.
324
00:13:29,745 --> 00:13:30,911
Look, I get it.
325
00:13:30,946 --> 00:13:34,247
I mean, obviously, Boyd needs
more individual attention.
326
00:13:34,283 --> 00:13:35,782
You said it yourself.
Your class size is too big.
327
00:13:35,818 --> 00:13:36,917
What do you have, 40 in your class?
328
00:13:36,952 --> 00:13:39,419
41. And that's down from 44.
329
00:13:39,455 --> 00:13:41,988
Three are on maternity leave.
330
00:13:42,024 --> 00:13:45,092
Well, at least you know that you've
got them excited about biology.
331
00:13:46,962 --> 00:13:50,530
Imagine what an amazing teacher you'd
be if you just had one student.
332
00:13:50,566 --> 00:13:52,999
Yeah, I'd have that kid in college by 14.
333
00:13:53,035 --> 00:13:55,168
Well, obviously, Ryan
isn't you, but he's smart.
334
00:13:55,204 --> 00:13:57,671
And with the right preparation,
I think he could do this.
335
00:13:57,706 --> 00:14:00,474
Maybe. Maybe it could work.
336
00:14:02,111 --> 00:14:03,343
Oh, hey.
337
00:14:03,378 --> 00:14:05,879
I, uh, was just gonna
grab the last of the boxes.
338
00:14:05,914 --> 00:14:08,415
No need to talk to me about anything.
339
00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:12,486
Listen, you might like this conversation.
340
00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:14,988
We might be okay with
this homeschooling idea.
341
00:14:16,258 --> 00:14:17,524
Really?
342
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:19,860
Yeah, but with one change.
343
00:14:19,895 --> 00:14:21,795
I'm gonna teach Boyd.
344
00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:22,662
What?
345
00:14:24,066 --> 00:14:25,999
Yeah, w-what?
346
00:14:27,669 --> 00:14:30,604
I'm gonna quit my job and homeschool Boyd.
347
00:14:30,639 --> 00:14:33,373
Okay, enough of this.
348
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,112
Look, Vanessa, I appreciate the
offer, but Boyd is my son,
349
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,613
and I should be the one to homeschool him.
350
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:44,715
Yeah, but I am a teacher.
351
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,071
I mean, Mike, back me up on this.
352
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,617
He does not get a vote.
353
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,186
I don't want to overstep.
354
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,420
Well...
355
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:53,457
Don't you think our grandson
should have the best teacher
356
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:54,591
in this family?
357
00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:57,394
Yeah, but I'm not quitting my job.
358
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:58,595
Look, Ryan, Ryan...
359
00:14:58,630 --> 00:15:01,131
Boyd's education is a 10-year commitment,
360
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,767
and with all due respect, you're a quitter.
361
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:04,901
Wow.
362
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,771
I'm not sure I heard
any due respect in there.
363
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,907
Ryan, I mean, look at this box
of commitments you gave up on.
364
00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:13,844
The ukulele, leathertooling,
cheese-making.
365
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:17,080
If you quit homeschooling
the way you quit these things,
366
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,749
you're gonna devastate Boyd.
367
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:19,750
I would never give up on Boyd.
368
00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:20,784
All right, all right, all right.
369
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:21,918
Everybody, let's just hold it.
370
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:23,387
Do you even know why I quit those things?
371
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,688
You know what? Actually, never mind.
372
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:25,963
Finish what you were gonna say.
373
00:15:27,292 --> 00:15:30,494
I quit ukulele lessons so I could
take Boyd to hockey practice.
374
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:31,928
What about the cheese stuff?
375
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:33,230
Boyd's allergic.
376
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,664
And the leather?
377
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,233
I have very delicate hands.
378
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,502
Well, it was mostly for Boyd.
379
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:41,238
I know what he did give up... sleep.
380
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,806
Remember, he took the graveyard shift
381
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:45,075
delivering beer so he could
be there to fix him breakfast?
382
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:48,845
Sometimes I only made
him oatmeal with no fruit.
383
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,514
I still regret that.
384
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:53,183
Let's face it... Ryan is easy to
criticize, and it's actually quite fun.
385
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:58,588
But I think we both would agree
that he does put his kid first.
386
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,790
I think he could do this.
387
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:00,690
Can you do this?
388
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:02,225
Yes, I know that I can.
389
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,994
I-I think he can, too.
390
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,363
Oh, great. Great.
391
00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:09,466
You guys, you have this all
decided, then, don't you?
392
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:12,436
I didn't know Vanessa
felt that way about me.
393
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,537
This isn't about you.
394
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,138
This is about something else.
395
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,741
Well, you backed me up over your wife,
396
00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:20,177
- I don't want to bruise your hands.
- And I appreciate that.
397
00:16:27,431 --> 00:16:28,763
All right, change of plans.
398
00:16:28,799 --> 00:16:30,899
The bait tonight is
gonna be mac and cheese.
399
00:16:32,236 --> 00:16:34,102
Was something wrong
with the beef wellington?
400
00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:35,904
No. It was delicious.
401
00:16:35,939 --> 00:16:40,709
But I think we're safe with this plan,
because I don't like mac and cheese.
402
00:16:44,381 --> 00:16:45,714
What am I doing here?
403
00:16:45,749 --> 00:16:47,949
This happens to me all the time.
404
00:16:47,985 --> 00:16:50,519
We're staying late to catch a raccoon.
405
00:16:52,256 --> 00:16:53,588
I'm talking about Boyd.
406
00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:55,991
He's having all this trouble at school,
407
00:16:56,026 --> 00:16:59,160
and Ryan is dropping everything
to do whatever it takes
408
00:16:59,196 --> 00:17:01,598
to help him, and I'm not.
409
00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:04,434
That's because you have
a really important job.
410
00:17:04,469 --> 00:17:07,503
The most important job in the
world to me is raising my son.
411
00:17:07,539 --> 00:17:10,506
Yeah, that's what you're doing...
by your example.
412
00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:11,774
How?
413
00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:15,712
Look, you were pregnant at 17, no
husband, you were a waitress in a diner.
414
00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:18,548
So I was a country-western song.
415
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:21,050
You were living with your parents...
I mean, no real future.
416
00:17:21,086 --> 00:17:22,685
I get it. I was a mess.
417
00:17:22,721 --> 00:17:24,320
Yeah, was.
418
00:17:24,356 --> 00:17:25,622
Now you're doing great.
419
00:17:25,657 --> 00:17:28,091
You're showing Boyd that no
matter how rough things get,
420
00:17:28,126 --> 00:17:30,226
you can always get your life back on track.
421
00:17:30,295 --> 00:17:32,161
I guess that's true.
422
00:17:32,197 --> 00:17:33,229
It definitely is.
423
00:17:33,265 --> 00:17:34,530
I mean, things were really grim for you.
424
00:17:34,566 --> 00:17:36,466
You missed out on college.
You got that bad haircut.
425
00:17:36,501 --> 00:17:38,201
Kyle, stop.
426
00:17:39,537 --> 00:17:40,603
Good pep talk.
427
00:17:40,639 --> 00:17:41,838
Thank you.
428
00:17:41,873 --> 00:17:44,841
You're welcome. All right,
I'll see you tomorrow.
429
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:46,309
Kyle.
430
00:17:46,344 --> 00:17:48,211
The raccoon.
431
00:17:48,246 --> 00:17:49,512
Right. That's what we're doing here.
432
00:17:49,547 --> 00:17:50,707
I should write it on my hand.
433
00:17:57,656 --> 00:18:00,056
(Sighs)
434
00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:00,990
Want some help?
435
00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:02,592
Why, am I not doing good enough?
436
00:18:02,627 --> 00:18:05,962
You know, maybe Ryan would do a
better job of folding these towels.
437
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,197
Well, I think he'd do
it with less attitude.
438
00:18:09,334 --> 00:18:10,767
You really want to quit your job?
439
00:18:10,802 --> 00:18:13,303
I don't want to quit, Mike.
440
00:18:13,338 --> 00:18:16,105
I just don't want to keep doing it.
441
00:18:16,141 --> 00:18:17,840
It's a good thing you don't teach English.
442
00:18:17,876 --> 00:18:19,275
You're not very good with words.
443
00:18:19,311 --> 00:18:20,910
I'm just so frustrated.
444
00:18:20,945 --> 00:18:24,914
I mean, I spend every day bogged down
by this giant bureaucracy, and I'm...
445
00:18:24,949 --> 00:18:26,482
I'm not making a difference.
446
00:18:26,518 --> 00:18:29,652
But you could if you
stayed home and taught Boyd.
447
00:18:29,688 --> 00:18:32,021
Yeah. You... if you understand
what I'm going through,
448
00:18:32,057 --> 00:18:33,256
then why did you pick Ryan?
449
00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,224
I'm just trying to make you happy.
450
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:37,093
You're gonna have to explain that.
451
00:18:37,128 --> 00:18:39,429
It's hard for me to admit,
but there might be someone
452
00:18:39,464 --> 00:18:40,863
who can explain it better than me.
453
00:18:40,899 --> 00:18:41,864
Oh, honey...
454
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:42,865
Listen.
455
00:18:42,901 --> 00:18:44,233
Vanessa: Honey, it's me.
456
00:18:44,269 --> 00:18:46,302
I just had the most
amazing first day teaching.
457
00:18:46,338 --> 00:18:47,570
I love this.
458
00:18:47,605 --> 00:18:49,105
I taught my class the parts of the cell,
459
00:18:49,140 --> 00:18:51,574
and this one girl just
lit up, Mike. She got it.
460
00:18:51,609 --> 00:18:53,476
I know not every day is gonna be like this,
461
00:18:53,511 --> 00:18:55,745
but I also know this is what
I'm supposed to be doing.
462
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:57,647
I can make a difference to these kids.
463
00:18:57,682 --> 00:18:59,449
I am so happy, I even made up a song.
464
00:18:59,484 --> 00:19:01,851
♪ Oh, teaching is the best thing ever ♪
465
00:19:01,886 --> 00:19:04,587
It kind of went off the
rails right about then.
466
00:19:05,156 --> 00:19:06,622
You saved that?
467
00:19:06,658 --> 00:19:08,324
I save a lot of your voice mails.
468
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,592
My favorite is down here.
469
00:19:09,627 --> 00:19:12,328
You butt-dialed me when you
were trying to parallel park.
470
00:19:12,364 --> 00:19:14,030
You were swearing like a sailor.
471
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:18,701
I remember that feeling, and
that girl never missed a class
472
00:19:18,737 --> 00:19:21,237
until the day her water broke.
473
00:19:21,272 --> 00:19:22,305
She's coming back.
474
00:19:22,340 --> 00:19:25,541
But if you quit, who's gonna
teach her or the other kids?
475
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:27,310
Why do you always have to be so right?
476
00:19:27,345 --> 00:19:30,913
Don't tell anybody, but
I am from the future.
477
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:34,550
Yeah. You know, I guess I
should apologize to Ryan.
478
00:19:34,586 --> 00:19:36,819
I don't think so. That's
a bad precedent to set.
479
00:19:36,855 --> 00:19:39,288
I am a little worried, though,
about his commitment. I am.
480
00:19:39,324 --> 00:19:40,990
This doesn't have to happen tomorrow.
481
00:19:41,025 --> 00:19:43,926
If I don't like how he's teaching
Boyd, I'll fire him and hire you.
482
00:19:43,962 --> 00:19:47,463
That's sweet, honey, but it's...
it's really not your decision.
483
00:19:47,499 --> 00:19:51,401
You know, people keep saying
that, but it's so not the truth.
484
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,771
Hey. What's going on?
485
00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:01,474
I think I made a huge mistake
trying to make beaded dresses.
486
00:20:01,509 --> 00:20:05,011
They take forever to sew, and I'm not
even sure anyone is going to like them.
487
00:20:05,046 --> 00:20:07,981
You know, I got an "A"
on the photo essay of you.
488
00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:09,248
Mr. Osgood loved it.
489
00:20:09,284 --> 00:20:10,683
Really?
490
00:20:10,719 --> 00:20:12,919
Dave liked it?
491
00:20:12,954 --> 00:20:15,455
He had students stop calling him "Dave"
492
00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:18,324
after spending six months
in teacher time-out.
493
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:19,859
Come look at the photos.
494
00:20:19,894 --> 00:20:21,494
No! I feel bad enough already.
495
00:20:21,529 --> 00:20:23,730
I don't need to see
ugly pictures of myself.
496
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,398
Look at how good you look, you idiot.
497
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,766
Blearg. I had no makeup.
498
00:20:26,801 --> 00:20:27,934
My hair was everywhere.
499
00:20:27,969 --> 00:20:29,202
I probably look like you.
500
00:20:31,573 --> 00:20:34,540
Look, you're missing the story
these pictures are telling.
501
00:20:34,576 --> 00:20:36,542
It's about someone who
loves what they're doing
502
00:20:36,578 --> 00:20:38,778
and doesn't care how they
look while they're doing it.
503
00:20:38,813 --> 00:20:43,282
You're a really good photographer, Eve.
504
00:20:43,318 --> 00:20:44,884
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
505
00:20:44,919 --> 00:20:47,920
I mean, I guess I just
have that kind of beauty
506
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,623
that just shines through no matter what.
507
00:20:50,659 --> 00:20:51,824
Yeah.
508
00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:54,260
They really capture how
two-dimensional you are.
509
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:57,363
Mm.
510
00:20:57,399 --> 00:21:00,033
Thank you.
511
00:21:00,068 --> 00:21:03,302
So, um, what exactly did Dave say?
512
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,303
Mm. He said it's great to have a job again.
513
00:21:05,304 --> 00:21:06,464
Everybody call me Mr. Osgood.
513
00:21:07,305 --> 00:21:13,797
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