Told you there was a ninth guard.
Yeah, yeah, I owe you a beer.
Hey. How's the curator?
Left wanting more.
Oh.
And then the one without the fur says, "get your paws off."
No, Hardison, Hardison, Hardison.
Uh, we're -- we're bonding.
Hardison, no.
Six minutes, Hardison.
Yeah.
Three minutes.
Yeah.
Be a lot easier if I wasn't
Andre the giant over here in Japan.
I feel like I'm 6'12".
Three minutes. I'll keep mark.
Parker, we agreed you would stay off the comms.
- No. - Yes.
Look, I sprained my knee. I'm fine!
Ohh!
Totally fine.
Babe, sprained your knee? You tore your acl.
Yeah. Basically, a sprained knee.
Yeah, basically not true.
Look, babe, six weeks of bed rest.
Doctor's orders. Not optional.
And don't forget to take your pain pills, okay?
They make everything go wibbly-wobbly.
Yeah, that's how you know they're working.
But I got to be sharp... on the edge.
It's where I got to be.
Can't have nothing in my life
I can't walk away from in 30 seconds
if I feel the heat coming around the corner.
Parker, look, I know that you're...
Wait, hold up, babe, did you just quote "Heat"?
Yeah, that's where that's from.
Ha, watched your netflix queue... Twice.
- Think I'm going stir-crazy. - You think?
Mayday, mayday, mayday.
Babe, love, kisses, snuggles,
Other romantic verbs.
Take your pills, be nice to Amy.
Look, we'll be fine without you.
Stop.
Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of.
Good morning. How's the patient feeling today?
Less and less like a patient
and more and more like a prisoner.
Uh, well, hopefully,
this will taste better than prison food.
Eh, you'd be surprised.
Best meal I ever had was in French prison.
La Sante.
French prison, huh? How long were you in for?
You know, we don't have to do this every day.
Well, Hardison asked me to look after you.
And though he's your boyfriend, he is my boss,
so, yeah, we do kind of have to do this every day.
And, trust me, it beats dish duty.
What's this?
A "get well soon" bear.
Ah. Does it do anything cool?
Besides promote good health?
Yeah, you know, like walk or talk or anything?
No.
Oh. 'cause Hardison usually builds me robot friends, so...
Yeah, well, this one cost like 10 bucks.
If you need anything else, I'll be right around the corner.
Thanks.
Subtitles edited by Ehhhhtozebec
She was cheating, and now she's late.
It's not me.
A 10-year-old Metro girl was...
And then, this one time...
I know. Isn't it?
Man #step four, then take the arm up.
Couple more times up.
Now pull it across your body. Good, good. And down.
Roll your dough out from the center, just like...
Oh, what? You want to choose? Okay, fine.
But no "B.J. and the Bear"
And no reality dating shows...
Except "Beauty and the Geek."
I like that one.
Oh, what? You're gonna sulk now?
Okay, fine. I'm just gonna keep choosing, then.
What's this?
Ah, brew pub.
Didn't know I had Hardison's security-camera feed.
- Hey. - Hey. How you doing?
All right.
Busy, huh? God.
Here you go, Amy.
Aww, this is so pretty.
I love flowers.
What have we got here? Let's see.
Hmm.
Nothing is that funny.
Am I right?
Ah.
If you leave that seat up one more time,
I'll just scream.
Baby, I sometimes worry
that I'm just too much of a man for the world and for you.
My mother warned me about you.
What you don't know about your mother is,
she leaves the seat up, too.
She leaves the seat up, too, like...
Get it?
Who are those guys?
Oh.
Is that the brew pub?
So this is what you do back here.
No. Maybe.
It's boring not being able to walk.
Oh? That's okay. I like to people-watch, too.
Check it out.
I call him sid...
And I call her Nancy.
You know, like the sex pistols?
They don't seem too happy.
Well, Nancy thinks sid is cheating on her,
But she doesn't have any proof.
Oh, she's Juliet...
And he is Romeo.
Both serially single,
Braving the rough seas of internet dating.
Hey, you know, these are really good.
No, I'm serious. These are really good.
Trust me, I've seen some of the best.
Thanks.
I wish you could tell my father that, though.
Well, has he seen these?
No. He has never seen any of my artwork.
Doesn't stop him from having an opinion
About art school, though.
What, he's not a fan?
Not of any degree that doesn't have an "m,"
A "b," or an "a" in it.
He wants me to take over the family business.
And what is the family business?
What isn't the family business?
Oh, you see that guy?
He always orders the same thing every day --
Chicken parm.
And then he takes one bite of it
And then sends it back to the kitchen.
Hmm. What a jerk.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not like that. He's never rude.
I think he's just... Sad.
What about those two? Know anything about them?
Not much.
They're pretty pushy about where they sit, though.
I guess they like the view.
The bald one is "V", and the scruffy one is "K."
What do you mean?
What they call each other.
How do they tip?
Uh, always cash. I know that.
But... I guess they must be average tippers.
Because you would remember if it were high or if it were low.
Exactly.
Yeah, I got to go make my trash run --
My favorite.
Enjoy your lunch.
Mm-hmm. Tuesday.
Okay, "V" and "K", what are you up to?
All right.
Four coffees?
How long have you guys been at this?
Who are you guys?
You guys picked the wrong brew pub.
Okay, let's hear what you're talking about.
Aw, come on.
What?
Don't give me that look.
What, like, it's my fault we have thieves
Running around our house and he has no audio contingencies?
Parker.
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm waiting.
How's the knee?
Ah, driving me to crazy town.
Pretty much like it's on cruise control,
Cruising me through crazy town.
And you know what? Let's face it. I have way too much to do.
This knee -- I need to be on a bullet train
Through crazy town.
I don't have time to stop for gas, go to the museum.
Parker, breathe.
Identify your limitations. Turn them to advantages.
Okay, good. How do I do that?
- Adapt. I got to go. - Wait, wait, wait.
Eliot --
Okay, adapt. Adapt.
Can't use my leg...
So I'll use someone else's.
All right.
Where are you, little buggie?
Aha.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
All right.
Oh, no, no, no. Those are for you.
No, for table 5.
Okay. Table 5.
Ah. Chicken parm.
All right, I got a good feeling about today.
Eat it.
Eat it, you crazy old man.
Oh, I'm sorry, miss.
No, leave her...
Could you please send this back to the kitchen?
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Is something wrong?
It's just not... right.
Sorry.
Focus.
Can I get you boys a refill?
Excuse me.
Did you see that? He's afraid to make eye contact.
Very suspicious.
It'll be headline news.
So we'll have to disappear for a few months.
All those zeros in my bank account
should take the sting out of anything.
We'll have to be on the lookout.
Poor little guy looks thirsty.
What? No, no, he is not thirsty.
He's fine!
Ohh.
Amy, you kidding me? The water on the bug?
Ohh.
On the house.
Oh! Aah!
Ooh. Aah. Okay.
Oh, maybe Hardison was right about those pain pills.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
All right. Okay.
All right. All right.
All right.
Ah.
Let there be sound.
I got to rig this up.
We'll bootleg off a VHF wavelength
Reserved for truckers.
There's no heavy routes near this zip code,
So we should be cool.
What is this, amateur hour? That'll never work.
What'd I say?
Cloud cover is too low this time of year.
We can't risk being overheard. We stick to burners.
Do not screw this up.
I'm not. Geez.
Why do you keep saying that?
Because I need it to get through your thick head.
It's gonna be fine.
Fine ain't good enough for this.
That should be enough bugs to cover the whole bar.
As usual, chicken parm.
Wait for it.
Mm-hmm.
Wait for it.
yep. Same as always.
Don't get you.
Hmm.
All right. So, we're gonna be here.
What is that?
About 20 minutes to the freeway.
Looks straightforward enough.
Quick, clean, and we're out.
Set for life.
Did you order yet? Come on, move.
Ooh. Ah.
Whatever.
Hey, that's our corner they circled.
Okay, so... what's the target?
Bank... Pawnshop?
The jewelry store.
They're pretty pushy about where they sit, though.
I guess they like the view.
So, that's why you like the view.
You're casing the jewelry store across the street.
Whoa. You brought a gun?
To my bar?
Ah.
Okay.
Clone!
Clonus clonius!
I did what you taught me. It's still not working.
Remind me again. Why are we building a pinch phone?
You're supposed to be resting.
It's a long story.
Okay, look, babe, I'm on.
Did you remember to solder the green wires together,
Clear the system cache, flush the B.I.O.S. memory?
Yep, yep, and, uh, no.
Ah!
It worked! Ah! You're the best.
You know how I do, baby. Got to go.
Okay, you want me to what, now?
Those guys are gonna rob this store, right?
Which is fine.
I don't mind robbers
Who aren't robbing me or my friends or kids or...
But they brought a gun to the party,
And that changes all the rules.
This doohickey will send me the data from their phones
so we can figure out what their plans are and stop them.
They have a gun.
We don't stop them. We call the police.
No cops. No cops.
That will actually increase the chances
of people getting hurt.
Uh, how?
Because seeing a uniform in the middle of stealing something
could cause you to panic, make bad decisions.
And how do you know so much about this again?
I... read blogs... Amy.
We don't need cops.
We don't need anyone, especially if they don't need us!
Then we really don't need them.
We?
Okay, up until now, it's been me taking orders,
and suddenly we're a "we"?
Okay.
Look, I know I've been a little bit bossy,
but I really hate this...
Asking-for-help thing.
But I really do need your help.
What -- why should I?
Because that's what you do. I've seen your résumé.
Volunteer work, charity efforts.
Of all the people who work here,
do you think Hardison really picked you at random?
No. He knew you were one of us.
Okay, "one of us"?
What does that mean -- "one of us"?
People who have to help.
Just... push this button here or whatever?
Yeah, just get on right up to their table,
And press the button.
Okay, I got to ask.
Is any of this illegal?
Absolutely not.
Okay.
You can do this.
I can do this.
How about a warm-up?
Oh! Sorry.
I got it.
That-a-girl.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's happening?
Everybody's phones...
Uh, maybe just a quick peek.
Okay, Sid, let's see if you really are cheating on Nancy.
Oh, that's not Nancy.
Ew. Sid.
I knew it! You're such a dog!
Hmm.
Juliet.
I was excited you picked this place.
Huh.
And Romeo.
Did you know that you both love Daft Punk and play the violin?
Hmm. Chicken parm.
Voice mails.
Hi, James. It's Larry at the hospital.
"James." It's chicken parm.
We, uh -- we just heard about Emma.
My God, I'm so sorry.
We're all so sorry.
Hey, James, it's me. Uh, just checking in.
If there's anything you need, just call, okay?
The service was beautiful.
I just wanted to let you know,
We shifted your surgeries to Dr. Phillips,
But we could really use you back here, buddy.
Hmm.
Did it work? Oh, yeah.
Whoa. Uh-huh.
All right, so we've got no voice mails, no e-mails,
No photos, but there is a lot of texting,
Especially from this one person named "O."
What about all the numbers? I don't know.
At first, I thought it was some sort of transliteration code,
But nothing obvious is sticking out as a match.
And they switch to English every time they order coffee.
Oh, that's what the coffees are for.
The "V" guy always leaves, takes two coffees to go,
And walks them somewhere.
Where?
I-I don't know.
I mean, I've never really thought about it until now.
Oh, oh, excuse me.
What?
Ugh. Ohh, ohh, ohh, ooh. Ow.
What are you doing?
Not me.
You.
Two coffees to go. Thanks, guys.
Good job.
Okay, wait.
If this is us and that's them,
Then are they where I think they are?
I'll see you.
Yeah, so, there's a getaway van parked in the alley.
How do you know that's what it is?
Intuition.
Oh, that's what the numbers are!
They're timing splits, like in track and field.
I was a miler for like five minutes at St. Tristan's prep --
In high school.
Okay, divide a distance into legs. See?
Each number is accumulated time at the end of each leg,
So the first leg is 2 minutes and 10 seconds,
And the second leg is 60 seconds,
Which means the total time now is 3 minutes and 10.
What's the first number?
I don't know. I've never seen that before.
Oh, shoot, I got to go make the trash run.
I'll be right back. No, wait.
Garbage truck comes at 2:30 every day, right? Right.
What if that's not the only truck on a schedule?
First number is clock time.
Every day at 2:30 P.M., an armored truck pulls up.
Moving cash from store to truck, always a weak point.
That's when and where these guys are gonna strike.
In other words... right now.
What's happening?
I don't know. Truck's here.
They're bird-dogging.
That's it.
60 seconds. We got to move.
Ow! Ow, ow, oh! Ugh, ugh, ow.
Oh. I'm fine.
I got it, I got it, I got it. I got it. I'm fine. Ugh!
Oh! Okay, tell me.
Tell you what?
You know what to do,
And I know how to walk. No offense.
So let me be your legs.
It could get scary in there.
I get it.
Okay.
We'll go over it another thousand times if I say so.
'cause we have one shot. Just relax, man.
Here you go.
You guys want to sit at the bar?
Don't tell me that's not you.
Keep your voice down. Why?
You don't want everyone knowing what a cheating bastard you are?
Come on, look, just 'cause somebody sent you a photo,
That doesn't mean --
- You! - Doesn't mean --
You sent me the photo.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Who were you trying to send it to -- your buddies, her?
If you want people to see it so badly,
how about we post it on the internet?
Oh, come on. Give me the phone.
Give me the phone!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, I am so sorry!
It's okay.
No, please, please, let me -- Let me get something to
- clean it up, please. - It's fine.
Look, I swear to God, babe, it's not me.
- It's not me! - Don't you ever touch me again.
Babe! What -- huh?
Well, good news is, they're properly flummoxed.
But bad news is, we have to wait 24 hours
- and we got to do it again. - Wait a second.
You didn't say anything about them coming back.
Well, of course we want them to come back.
How else are we gonna catch them?
W-we don't. We're gonna call the cops.
Normally, I would agree with you,
But what we've been doing here -- not super legal.
Oh, I knew it!
Just think of it as more charity work.
Okay, but my other charity work
Doesn't involve having a gun pointed at me.
Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
Oh, you meant that as a bad thing.
You're really serious.
You think we can do this.
I do.
Look, these guys aren't that good,
Which is actually another reason why we should do this,
'cause sooner or later, they're gonna make a mistake.
Someone's gonna get hurt.
Look, if we don't catch them, we're letting that happen.
So, what's the plan?
Yeah, and I know you're really busy,
But this part is really your kind of thing
More than it is my kind of thing.
So, I mean, how would you handle these thieves?
Sorry, Parker, you're breaking up.
Who's jeeves?
- Uh, thieves. - Bees?
No! Thieves!
Listen, Parker, whatever it is,
I'm sure you'll figure it out. I have faith in you.
So, I mean, what --
How's she doing?
Apparently, dealing with some thieves.
Aw, baby bird is learning how to fly.
Oh. This place certainly served us well.
Yes, it did.
Go ahead. Light it.
Are you sure?
Armored truck pulls up, thieves hit it.
Getaway van is in the alley.
Fastest way to the alley -- our pub.
That's what the splits are for.
First split is from the truck to our front door.
Second split is the time it takes
to get through the restaurant.
All right, gonna need tables here, here, and here.
But don't seat anyone at them.
We just want to slow them down, not get someone hurt.
Right, I'll just tell them we're short on servers.
We do it all the time when we don't feel like working.
And you're dating the boss.
You guys think of him as the boss?
Well, yeah, because that's what he is.
Yeah, guess so.
Is he a good boss? Do you -- you guys like him?
What, are you kidding? He's awesome.
But don't take this the wrong way.
He is way too smart for this place.
I agree.
He's the smartest man I've ever met,
And I've known some very smart men.
And I asked you about a brother, right?
Twice.
Oh, we should sit Romeo and Juliet together
And see what happens.
Oh, my God. That's genius!
It is?
No, no, not what you said. What I thought of.
But inspired by what you said.
So, you're going to set up Romeo and Juliet with each other?
No. I have an even better match.
Here you are. Two coffees to go.
Here you go.
All right, drink up. 2:30, all right?
You guys be ready. Cool?
You got it.
Go ahead. See you soon.
Hey. I want to make the trash run early
So I don't miss the you-know-what. You have any?
No, but hurry back, 'cause look who just showed up.
Romeo and Juliet's dates.
- Oh, hey. - Oh, hi.
- How are you? - I think you're looking for me.
- I'm Howard. Nice to meet you. - I'm Olivia.
- Nice to meet you, too. - Have a seat.
2:30 sharp!
No, no, no. No "go."
No "go." you're 20 minutes early.
Ow!
Oh! Oh, ow. Ugh.
Ugh. Ugh!
He wants me to run the family business.
And what is the family business?
What isn't the family business?
Her father's worth a billion dollars.
Let's watch it.
It's not a robbery. It's a kidnapping.
Amy.
No! No!
No! Let me go! Let me go!
No! No!
No! No! No!
What the hell?!
Hey, "O"! What, long night?
No, something else.
And don't forget to take your pain pills, okay?
They make everything go wibbly-wobbly.
Screw them. They get left behind.
Help! Help!
Somebody call the police!
Shh, shh!
Let's go.
Hey, let's just get out of here, man.
Not without the girl.
Oh, my God.
It's okay. It's all right. You're safe now, okay?
Just maybe next time,
Mention that the family business is multinational.
Is that the fire alarm? What is that?
That's the fire alarm. Everyone outside.
Keep moving. Let's go. Come on.
Whoa! Hey, hi.
She's Juliet, and he is Romeo.
Thank you.
I should have probably let your date do that.
How did you know he was here with me?
I notice things.
About me?
Who wouldn't?
Come on.
Keep moving. Don't panic.
Hey, guys, come on. Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Whoa. Gun.
Portland P.D.
Drop your gun.
You gonna set them up with each other?
No.
I have an even better match.
Stay where you are.
Check the alley. Call for backup.
I've got these guys.
Dispatch, we need backup.
Stay where you are!
Stay where you are. I will shoot.
Aah! Oh!
Lock the door.
Hey, you, move!
- Stay where you are! - Oh, hey, I'm just a doctor.
I'm just a doctor. I'm not leaving.
Let me just get -- just get to her.
Just -- it's okay.
I'm just gonna be right -- right here.
Okay, all right.
I'm a doctor. It's gonna be okay.
Why don't you help me, there.
Cop's locked out.
We got three minutes, four, tops.
We got to find her fast.
We ought to...
I think I know how this thing went sideways.
What does that mean?
It means things are about to get a whole lot worse.
What the hell's going on?
Shut up!
You think that scares us?!
You're in way over your head!
"K"!
"K"?
Aah!
Parker!
Aah!
- Thank you. - Yeah. Okay.
You're welcome.
Hey. Hey, wait.
What?
I'm gloating.
Nice to see you today.
How are you doing?
Good. Regular spot?
Yeah. Where is everybody?
Eh, slow day.
I'll get you some water. I'll be right back.
Thank you.
Do I know you?
Oh, I, uh, work in the back.
I was here the other day when you saved that cop's life.
Just glad I was here.
Well, foof.
I'm sure that cop's happy we serve a chicken parma.
Yeah.
I guess I order a lot of that.
Yeah, you do.
Um, you know, something tells me there's a story to that.
Mm, my wife...
Before...
Even at her sickest, she'd make it for me.
She insisted.
Said, uh, making me happy made her feel better.
Well, she would have been proud of you...
The way you stepped up the other day.
Hmm. Thank you.
You know what we're gonna do?
We are gonna find you a new favorite dish.
What do you say?
Whoa. sheesh. Whoa.
Well, thank you.
No fish.
I don't like fish.
Okay, no problem.
To new friends, new food, and no fish.
No fish. No fish.
Mmm. Start with Eliot's chili. It's the best.
Can we have some silverware?
There you go.
Can't believe that snow monkey didn't bite you.
Told you, man, we connected.
No, he hated you.
I think you're thinking of emperor akihito and you.
He didn't hate me.
He just didn't want me around his granddaughter.
Shocking.
Hey. You guys remember Amy?
What's up? Hi.
Hey, babe.
So, how was Japan?
You know, boring.
Japan.
Boring. Japan was Japan.
Nothing really going on.
How were things here?
Fine. Same. Boring.
Like Japan.
You know, I don't believe you.
And, you, you're a part of this.
See this -- all this?
It's not just any zombie movie.
This the original zombie movie.
Babe, it's on Blu-ray. How is it possible to be bored?
You know what we're gonna do?
We're watching this from the beginning,
Because, obviously, you're doing something wrong.
I'm in.
Sure. why not?
Maybe a little more popcorn?
I'll get some.
Nice job while we were away.