1 00:00:02,249 --> 00:00:04,479 Malcolm: This is the world... 2 00:00:04,551 --> 00:00:07,213 196 million square miles. 3 00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,517 If I covered 100 square miles an hour 4 00:00:09,589 --> 00:00:11,523 every hour for the rest of my life 5 00:00:11,591 --> 00:00:13,456 I'd still only see half of it. 6 00:00:13,527 --> 00:00:14,926 (Squeaking) 7 00:00:14,995 --> 00:00:17,828 This is the left nostril of my brother Reese. 8 00:00:17,898 --> 00:00:21,265 It squeaks all night long. 9 00:00:21,335 --> 00:00:23,098 These are the freezing cold feet 10 00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:25,263 of my little brother... Dewey. 11 00:00:25,339 --> 00:00:27,307 This is my oldest brother Francis. 12 00:00:27,374 --> 00:00:29,103 He's the one I really like 13 00:00:29,176 --> 00:00:31,906 so, of course, he got sent to military school. 14 00:00:31,978 --> 00:00:33,104 My name is Malcolm. 15 00:00:33,180 --> 00:00:35,148 You want to know what the best thing 16 00:00:35,215 --> 00:00:36,307 about childhood is? 17 00:00:36,383 --> 00:00:38,783 At some point, it stops. 18 00:00:38,852 --> 00:00:42,288 * Yes, no, maybe * 19 00:00:42,356 --> 00:00:44,847 * I don't know * 20 00:00:44,925 --> 00:00:48,190 * Can you repeat the question? * 21 00:00:48,261 --> 00:00:50,354 * You're not the boss of me now * 22 00:00:50,430 --> 00:00:52,864 * You're not the boss of me now * 23 00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:55,231 * You're not the boss of me now * 24 00:00:55,302 --> 00:00:57,361 * And you're not so big * 25 00:00:57,437 --> 00:00:59,667 * You're not the boss of me now * 26 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:01,867 * You're not the boss of me now * 27 00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:04,376 * You're not the boss of me now * 28 00:01:04,444 --> 00:01:07,174 * And you're not so big * 29 00:01:07,247 --> 00:01:10,705 * Life is unfair * 30 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:18,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 31 00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:23,119 * I believe in miracles * 32 00:01:23,196 --> 00:01:26,893 Malcolm, Reese, Dewey, get in here! 33 00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:29,492 - * You sexy thing * - * You sexy thing * 34 00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:31,161 - Stop! - I'm not touching you! 35 00:01:31,238 --> 00:01:32,466 There's only two toaster waffles. 36 00:01:32,539 --> 00:01:33,665 One of you has to have cereal. 37 00:01:35,242 --> 00:01:36,266 It's mine! 38 00:01:36,343 --> 00:01:37,367 Come on! 39 00:01:37,444 --> 00:01:38,536 Give it! 40 00:01:38,612 --> 00:01:39,704 You cheated! 41 00:01:39,780 --> 00:01:40,872 Give it! Give it! 42 00:01:40,947 --> 00:01:43,916 Huh, look at this. 43 00:01:43,984 --> 00:01:46,544 They're sending an unmanned probe to Venus 44 00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:49,555 and letting a bunch of schoolchildren name it. 45 00:01:49,623 --> 00:01:51,181 That's going to end badly. 46 00:01:51,258 --> 00:01:53,590 These clippers are dull already. 47 00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:55,855 Honestly, Hal, you're like a monkey. 48 00:01:55,929 --> 00:01:57,362 They do this every month. 49 00:01:57,431 --> 00:01:58,728 He has sensitive skin. 50 00:01:58,799 --> 00:02:01,495 The hair gets itchy under his clothes. 51 00:02:01,568 --> 00:02:03,126 It always seems like such a shame 52 00:02:03,203 --> 00:02:04,693 to just dump this in the trash. 53 00:02:04,771 --> 00:02:06,932 Maybe birds would like to make nests with it 54 00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:09,237 or maybe you boys could use it for school projects. 55 00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:13,674 Arms up. 56 00:02:13,747 --> 00:02:16,045 Dude. 57 00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:18,050 Malcolm, come right home from school. 58 00:02:18,118 --> 00:02:20,052 I made a play date for you with Stevie Kenarban and you have to take a bath. 59 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,644 What? Mom, no! 60 00:02:21,721 --> 00:02:22,983 Malcolm has a play date?! 61 00:02:23,056 --> 00:02:24,318 Shut up, Reese! 62 00:02:24,391 --> 00:02:26,359 With Stevie "The Wheelie" Kenarban? 63 00:02:26,426 --> 00:02:27,825 Oh, man! 64 00:02:27,894 --> 00:02:30,556 (Coughing) 65 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,992 Breathing. 66 00:02:37,037 --> 00:02:40,029 So, Malcolm, why is playing a problem? 67 00:02:40,106 --> 00:02:42,131 First off 68 00:02:42,209 --> 00:02:43,938 I don't even know Stevie. 69 00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:45,739 His mother said you boys ate lunch together. 70 00:02:45,812 --> 00:02:46,870 One time. 71 00:02:46,947 --> 00:02:49,313 He rolled his wheelchair over next to me. 72 00:02:49,382 --> 00:02:51,714 It's not like I could say, "Go away." 73 00:02:51,785 --> 00:02:53,309 He's not even in my class. 74 00:02:53,386 --> 00:02:54,751 He's in the Krelboyne class 75 00:02:54,821 --> 00:02:56,516 in the trailer next to tetherball. 76 00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:58,114 You listen to me, young man. 77 00:02:58,191 --> 00:03:00,250 That one lunch obviously meant a lot to Stevie. 78 00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:02,056 He's a human being with human feelings. 79 00:03:02,128 --> 00:03:04,562 Now, you are going to be friends with that crippled boy 80 00:03:04,631 --> 00:03:06,462 and you are going to like it. Understood? 81 00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:08,467 Yes, ma'am. Understood. 82 00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:11,800 If I give up now, I won't get the lecture. 83 00:03:11,872 --> 00:03:12,531 You kids... 84 00:03:12,606 --> 00:03:13,402 Dang. 85 00:03:13,473 --> 00:03:15,065 You just take 86 00:03:15,141 --> 00:03:17,541 your legs for granted like nothing could ever happen to them. 87 00:03:17,611 --> 00:03:18,942 That is just wishful thinking. 88 00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:20,741 There's meningitis. There are car accidents. 89 00:03:20,814 --> 00:03:23,044 I could be giving you a spanking 90 00:03:23,116 --> 00:03:24,743 and accidentally snap your spinal cord. 91 00:03:24,818 --> 00:03:26,251 Every day is a lottery 92 00:03:26,319 --> 00:03:28,253 and first prize is that you don't have to scoot 93 00:03:28,321 --> 00:03:30,846 yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands. 94 00:03:30,924 --> 00:03:32,915 You think about that. 95 00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:37,186 I don't take my legs for granted, Mom. 96 00:03:37,264 --> 00:03:39,323 I know, honey. You're a good boy. 97 00:03:39,399 --> 00:03:41,492 Stop playing with yourself. 98 00:03:43,370 --> 00:03:44,928 (Boys Arguing) 99 00:03:45,005 --> 00:03:46,802 Go on, just go. 100 00:03:46,873 --> 00:03:48,568 Lois: No, wait, wait, wait. 101 00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:50,132 Okay, I ran out of ham. 102 00:03:50,210 --> 00:03:52,474 One of you has to have egg salad, okay? 103 00:03:52,546 --> 00:03:54,309 And don't ditch your little brother. 104 00:03:54,381 --> 00:03:56,144 I don't want him getting kidnapped. 105 00:03:56,216 --> 00:03:58,377 Yeah, Mom, that would be terrible. 106 00:03:58,451 --> 00:04:00,476 It's your turn to walk with him. 107 00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:02,488 I walked him yesterday and the day before. 108 00:04:02,556 --> 00:04:04,649 I walked with him when he wet his pants. 109 00:04:04,724 --> 00:04:06,157 Okay. 110 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,528 Mom said to hold hands. 111 00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:14,464 She did not say to hold hands, Dewey. 112 00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:16,092 I'm not holding hands. 113 00:04:16,169 --> 00:04:17,761 Come on, hold hands. Please? 114 00:04:17,837 --> 00:04:19,964 No! You're in the first grade. 115 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,099 You're too big for that. 116 00:04:22,175 --> 00:04:25,110 Look, I'm walking right next to you. 117 00:04:25,178 --> 00:04:26,770 You'll be fine. 118 00:04:28,515 --> 00:04:31,814 Damn it! This is why everyone teases you. 119 00:04:31,885 --> 00:04:33,352 Hey, Malcolm. 120 00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:34,682 Hey, Richard. 121 00:04:34,754 --> 00:04:37,245 So my mom was telling my dad last night 122 00:04:37,324 --> 00:04:38,723 about your brother. 123 00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:40,419 She said he's in jail. 124 00:04:40,493 --> 00:04:41,926 He's not in jail. 125 00:04:41,995 --> 00:04:43,587 He's at Marlin Academy. 126 00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:46,928 It's, like, one of the best private schools in the country 127 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,729 and it's totally unfair. 128 00:04:48,802 --> 00:04:51,862 Everyone acts like Francis is just this big troublemaker 129 00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:53,735 and he's not. 130 00:04:53,807 --> 00:04:55,832 Dad, I know what you're going to say 131 00:04:55,909 --> 00:04:58,241 and believe me, I totally agree with you. 132 00:04:58,311 --> 00:05:00,245 There is no excuse for what I did. 133 00:05:00,313 --> 00:05:02,747 It was idiotic, immature, totally reckless 134 00:05:02,816 --> 00:05:04,408 and I'm really sorry. 135 00:05:04,484 --> 00:05:06,645 I'm just... I'm hoping against hope 136 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,348 that you will give me another chance, which, I admit 137 00:05:09,422 --> 00:05:11,014 I don't deserve 138 00:05:11,091 --> 00:05:13,924 but if you could just find it in your heart 139 00:05:13,994 --> 00:05:15,586 to forgive me 140 00:05:15,662 --> 00:05:17,994 I know I could earn your trust back. 141 00:05:18,064 --> 00:05:20,726 It's not like it was even our car. 142 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,768 Spath, Spath, Spath! 143 00:05:22,836 --> 00:05:24,633 Spath: All right 144 00:05:24,704 --> 00:05:26,797 here's how it works. 145 00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:28,841 You can beg for mercy on your belly 146 00:05:28,908 --> 00:05:31,342 lick the bottom of my shoes 147 00:05:31,411 --> 00:05:32,935 or take a beating. 148 00:05:33,013 --> 00:05:35,106 You must pick at least two 149 00:05:35,181 --> 00:05:38,344 but... but-but, if you pick three 150 00:05:38,418 --> 00:05:40,352 you get a pass for the next two weeks. 151 00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:41,546 All right? 152 00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:43,088 Now, that's your best value. 153 00:05:43,156 --> 00:05:45,386 Malcolm: Dave Spath. 154 00:05:45,458 --> 00:05:48,291 He never gets sent anywhere. 155 00:05:48,361 --> 00:05:49,726 What do you do if he catches you? 156 00:05:49,796 --> 00:05:50,728 Roll in a ball. 157 00:05:50,797 --> 00:05:51,889 What if he starts kicking you? 158 00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:53,091 Stay in a ball. 159 00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,361 Okay. Come on. 160 00:05:55,435 --> 00:05:56,697 (Kids Yelling) 161 00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,260 Wait. 162 00:06:01,107 --> 00:06:02,665 Never mind. 163 00:06:02,742 --> 00:06:05,768 (Kids Continue Yelling) 164 00:06:07,947 --> 00:06:09,972 Woman: Those of you finished with your tempera paints 165 00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:11,312 may bring your work up here 166 00:06:11,384 --> 00:06:13,648 and start on your charcoal still lifes. 167 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,621 You may take two pieces of fruit only 168 00:06:16,690 --> 00:06:18,681 and please be careful with them. 169 00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:21,090 I bought them with my own money. 170 00:06:21,161 --> 00:06:24,961 My own money. 171 00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:28,728 God, Malcolm, that's so good. 172 00:06:36,176 --> 00:06:38,542 Oh, Malcolm, this is wonderful. 173 00:06:38,611 --> 00:06:40,374 The perspective is good. 174 00:06:40,447 --> 00:06:41,607 The composition is clean 175 00:06:41,681 --> 00:06:43,945 and it even shows signs of actual technique. 176 00:06:44,017 --> 00:06:46,281 I have to say this is the high point of my day. 177 00:06:46,352 --> 00:06:47,717 (Laughs) 178 00:06:47,787 --> 00:06:48,947 How's that for sad? 179 00:06:54,961 --> 00:06:56,258 (Squishing) 180 00:07:03,737 --> 00:07:04,704 Are you okay? 181 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:06,602 Um, yeah, I'm fine. 182 00:07:06,673 --> 00:07:08,300 Hogan: Malcolm. 183 00:07:08,374 --> 00:07:09,466 What? 184 00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:11,476 They need to see you in the office. 185 00:07:11,544 --> 00:07:15,002 Okay. 186 00:07:15,081 --> 00:07:18,107 I think they mean right now. 187 00:07:18,184 --> 00:07:19,617 Okay. 188 00:07:23,623 --> 00:07:25,113 Get up, Malcolm. 189 00:07:27,794 --> 00:07:30,854 (Kids'Laughter Echoing) 190 00:07:34,634 --> 00:07:35,999 Hi. I'm Caroline. 191 00:07:36,069 --> 00:07:37,696 Want to have a seat? 192 00:07:40,206 --> 00:07:41,503 Are you Malcolm? 193 00:07:41,574 --> 00:07:43,565 Yes, and I didn't do anything. 194 00:07:43,643 --> 00:07:45,406 You're not in trouble, Malcolm. 195 00:07:45,478 --> 00:07:47,446 You're here 'cause some of your teachers 196 00:07:47,514 --> 00:07:49,175 think you're, um... You know what? 197 00:07:49,249 --> 00:07:51,240 I just want to play some games with you. 198 00:07:51,317 --> 00:07:52,511 Puzzles, stuff like that. 199 00:07:52,585 --> 00:07:53,677 Why? 200 00:07:53,753 --> 00:07:55,345 Boy, oh, boy 201 00:07:55,421 --> 00:07:58,788 you are a suspicious little dickens, aren't you? 202 00:07:58,858 --> 00:08:01,691 Now, you can look at this picture for 60 seconds 203 00:08:01,761 --> 00:08:03,592 and I want you to tell me 204 00:08:03,663 --> 00:08:05,927 everything that's wrong with it, okay? 205 00:08:05,999 --> 00:08:08,024 The man only has four fingers. 206 00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:09,830 Right, but this time 207 00:08:09,903 --> 00:08:13,600 I want you to take your time and really look... 208 00:08:13,673 --> 00:08:15,368 The car shadow's going the wrong way 209 00:08:15,441 --> 00:08:17,272 the steering wheel's on the wrong side 210 00:08:17,343 --> 00:08:18,503 there's no brake pedal 211 00:08:18,578 --> 00:08:20,205 the words in the mirror should be backwards 212 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,214 the guy's watch wouldn't say 12:00 213 00:08:22,282 --> 00:08:24,079 if he's looking at a sunset 214 00:08:24,150 --> 00:08:26,243 and I have red paint on my ass. 215 00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:27,581 That's right. 216 00:08:27,654 --> 00:08:29,747 Red paint all over my ass! 217 00:08:47,407 --> 00:08:50,240 (Intro To "Tie A Yellow Ribbon"Playing) 218 00:08:56,749 --> 00:08:58,376 These are good cookies. 219 00:08:58,451 --> 00:09:03,081 (Breathy): Yeah... they're good. 220 00:09:06,226 --> 00:09:07,659 So what can you do? 221 00:09:07,727 --> 00:09:09,422 I mean, what do you want to do? 222 00:09:09,495 --> 00:09:13,454 I know... a joke. 223 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:15,398 Yeah? Okay. 224 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:19,231 A guy... 225 00:09:19,305 --> 00:09:21,170 goes into... 226 00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:22,299 a bar... 227 00:09:22,375 --> 00:09:25,003 and he... 228 00:09:25,078 --> 00:09:29,481 has a... frog on 229 00:09:29,549 --> 00:09:30,709 his... 230 00:09:30,783 --> 00:09:32,080 Frog on his head. 231 00:09:32,151 --> 00:09:37,612 On his head. 232 00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:41,456 And the... bartender... 233 00:09:41,527 --> 00:09:43,859 Wait, I screwed up. 234 00:09:45,231 --> 00:09:46,994 A frog... 235 00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:50,126 goes into... a bar. 236 00:09:50,203 --> 00:09:51,966 You want to watch TV? 237 00:09:52,038 --> 00:09:55,007 Can't. Not allowed. 238 00:09:55,074 --> 00:09:58,043 What? You mean, ever? 239 00:09:58,111 --> 00:10:00,204 Mom says... 240 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,713 TV makes you... 241 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:02,713 stupid. 242 00:10:02,782 --> 00:10:04,773 No, TV makes you normal. 243 00:10:04,851 --> 00:10:06,409 How can they do that? 244 00:10:06,486 --> 00:10:08,545 He's in a wheelchair. 245 00:10:08,621 --> 00:10:11,021 So what do you do all day, homework? 246 00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:14,958 Mostly... read... comics. 247 00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,518 You have comic books? 248 00:10:25,204 --> 00:10:26,831 Whoa! 249 00:10:29,776 --> 00:10:32,040 You really have Youngblood, number one? 250 00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:34,841 Want to... read it? 251 00:10:34,914 --> 00:10:38,247 No way. I'd wreck it. 252 00:10:38,318 --> 00:10:41,685 Oh... did you read the last Savage Dragon 253 00:10:41,754 --> 00:10:43,415 when they split him in two? 254 00:10:43,489 --> 00:10:45,753 Yeah. Brilliant. 255 00:10:45,825 --> 00:10:48,419 I like how he never has to learn a lesson or anything. 256 00:10:48,494 --> 00:10:50,985 He just gets to pound on everyone. 257 00:10:59,672 --> 00:11:02,038 You're under galactic arrest. 258 00:11:02,108 --> 00:11:05,271 Think again, space flatfoot. 259 00:11:05,345 --> 00:11:06,573 You cannot escape. 260 00:11:06,646 --> 00:11:09,114 Give up or be annihilated. 261 00:11:09,182 --> 00:11:11,116 Saturday morning is the only thing 262 00:11:11,184 --> 00:11:13,709 my family does better than anyone else. 263 00:11:19,359 --> 00:11:21,054 Damn! 264 00:11:22,662 --> 00:11:24,721 You boys, you keep this house clean 265 00:11:24,797 --> 00:11:27,095 till your dad comes home. 266 00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:29,100 Two of you can have slices of pizza for lunch. 267 00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:30,567 The other one can have... 268 00:11:30,636 --> 00:11:32,729 I don't know. I think they're peas. 269 00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:33,737 (Phone Rings) 270 00:11:33,806 --> 00:11:34,932 Somebody get that. 271 00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:36,942 - Not it. - Not it. 272 00:11:40,146 --> 00:11:41,238 Hello. 273 00:11:41,314 --> 00:11:42,747 Young Master Malcolm. 274 00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:43,907 Francis, hi. 275 00:11:43,983 --> 00:11:45,541 Hey, man 276 00:11:45,618 --> 00:11:47,552 I wrote you guys a really long letter yesterday 277 00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:49,747 but, listen, they only gave me, like, three minutes 278 00:11:49,822 --> 00:11:51,619 so would you put the special prosecutor on? 279 00:11:51,691 --> 00:11:53,556 Mom, it's Francis. 280 00:11:56,996 --> 00:11:58,327 Hey, Francis, how's school? 281 00:11:58,398 --> 00:12:00,161 Oh, couldn't be better, Mom. 282 00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:02,326 My new roommate showed me how to kill mice 283 00:12:02,402 --> 00:12:05,030 with a hammer yesterday, so, you know, between that 284 00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:07,800 and the general atmosphere of simmering homoeroticism 285 00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:10,069 I think I'm really starting to turn around. 286 00:12:10,143 --> 00:12:11,405 Honey, it's only until summer. 287 00:12:11,477 --> 00:12:12,910 Come on, push it! 288 00:12:12,979 --> 00:12:14,571 Give it up, prom date. 289 00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:16,808 Yeah, listen, um... I know I shouldn't ask 290 00:12:16,883 --> 00:12:18,475 but would you be able 291 00:12:18,551 --> 00:12:21,520 to send me my allowance like, a couple of weeks early 292 00:12:21,587 --> 00:12:22,884 'cause I kind of need some...? 293 00:12:22,955 --> 00:12:24,513 Oh, my God! Are you smoking? 294 00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:25,318 What? 295 00:12:25,391 --> 00:12:26,551 You're smoking. 296 00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:28,594 I can hear you smoking. You're smoking, aren't you? 297 00:12:28,661 --> 00:12:30,788 Mom, I'm not smoking. Geez. 298 00:12:30,863 --> 00:12:32,023 After seeing the anguish 299 00:12:32,098 --> 00:12:34,760 your father and I went through to quit 300 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:36,597 didn't any of that register with you? 301 00:12:36,669 --> 00:12:38,102 Okay, listen. 302 00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:39,604 I'll talk to your dad. 303 00:12:39,672 --> 00:12:41,663 Maybe we can send you part of it. 304 00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:43,140 Honey, I have to go. 305 00:12:43,209 --> 00:12:44,471 I'm late for work. 306 00:12:44,544 --> 00:12:45,806 I'll call you later. 307 00:12:45,878 --> 00:12:47,607 Okay, thanks, Mom. I love you. 308 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,204 (Dial Tone) 309 00:12:49,282 --> 00:12:51,512 Oh... I love you. 310 00:13:01,594 --> 00:13:03,118 He's so lucky. 311 00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:06,188 I know. We never go anywhere. 312 00:13:06,265 --> 00:13:08,358 He gets to be in Alabama. 313 00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:09,992 Is Alabama nice? 314 00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:11,195 Look it up, Dewey. 315 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,999 It's got Sequoia Caverns 316 00:13:13,072 --> 00:13:15,199 the biggest cast-iron statue in the world. 317 00:13:15,274 --> 00:13:17,037 Plus it's right next to Florida 318 00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:18,634 where Disney World is. 319 00:13:18,711 --> 00:13:22,147 I bet he goes to Disney World all the time. 320 00:13:22,215 --> 00:13:25,616 Hey, moron, he's 16. He doesn't do kid stuff. 321 00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:29,212 He goes to parties, drinks beer and goes skiing. 322 00:13:29,288 --> 00:13:32,519 Right, genius. They do lots of skiing in Alabama. 323 00:13:32,592 --> 00:13:34,059 - Shut up! - You shut up! 324 00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:35,685 - No, you shut up! - Make me! 325 00:13:35,761 --> 00:13:36,750 I'll make you right... 326 00:13:39,632 --> 00:13:40,656 (Screaming) 327 00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:43,495 Not my face! 328 00:13:45,138 --> 00:13:48,232 You'd better not be fighting in there, Reese, Malcolm! 329 00:13:48,307 --> 00:13:49,899 I said, you better not be fighting... 330 00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:51,409 (Doorbell Ringing) 331 00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:55,914 For crying out loud! Reese! Malcolm! 332 00:13:55,982 --> 00:13:58,542 (Doorbell Ringing) 333 00:13:58,618 --> 00:13:59,949 Yes. Can I help you? 334 00:14:00,019 --> 00:14:01,486 Oh. My good... um, hi. 335 00:14:01,554 --> 00:14:02,987 Hel... hello. I'm... 336 00:14:03,055 --> 00:14:05,353 Are you...? I'm... Caroline Miller 337 00:14:05,424 --> 00:14:07,051 from Malcolm's school. 338 00:14:07,126 --> 00:14:08,525 I sent you some letters 339 00:14:08,594 --> 00:14:11,586 and left some messages on your answering machine. 340 00:14:11,664 --> 00:14:13,222 Okay, fine. You caught me. 341 00:14:13,299 --> 00:14:14,231 What do you want? 342 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,631 Um... well, it's been three weeks 343 00:14:15,701 --> 00:14:16,725 and you haven't responded 344 00:14:16,802 --> 00:14:17,928 and it's really important... 345 00:14:18,004 --> 00:14:19,266 I mean, well, for Malcolm's sake 346 00:14:19,338 --> 00:14:20,862 that the parents be as involved in... 347 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:23,636 So you're here to insult my parenting skills? 348 00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:25,677 No. I'm sure you're a terrific parent. 349 00:14:25,745 --> 00:14:26,973 (Screaming) 350 00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:28,980 Who's the baby now? 351 00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:32,448 I'm here because I think 352 00:14:32,518 --> 00:14:35,146 that there is a tremendous opportunity for... 353 00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:37,621 Could you, you know, maybe put a top on? 354 00:14:37,690 --> 00:14:38,782 They're just boobs, lady. 355 00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,382 You see them in the mirror every morning. 356 00:14:40,459 --> 00:14:42,154 I'm sure yours are a lot nicer than mine. 357 00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:43,160 That's actually not... 358 00:14:43,229 --> 00:14:44,457 Let me tell you something else. 359 00:14:44,530 --> 00:14:45,792 The reason I didn't respond 360 00:14:45,865 --> 00:14:47,127 is because it is a load of crap. 361 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,360 What? 362 00:14:48,434 --> 00:14:49,924 You are not going to stick my Malcolm 363 00:14:50,002 --> 00:14:51,026 in some special ed class. 364 00:14:51,103 --> 00:14:52,434 What is it with you people? 365 00:14:52,505 --> 00:14:53,995 Why do you have to label everybody? 366 00:14:54,073 --> 00:14:55,438 Malcolm may be a little strange 367 00:14:55,508 --> 00:14:57,408 and, I know, I know, he never shuts up 368 00:14:57,476 --> 00:14:58,704 but he is not disturbed. 369 00:14:58,778 --> 00:15:00,177 You know, he is a good boy... 370 00:15:00,246 --> 00:15:02,043 Please! 371 00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:03,206 You know what? 372 00:15:03,282 --> 00:15:04,977 You don't understand at all, okay? 373 00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:07,076 So if I could just come in for a minute 374 00:15:07,153 --> 00:15:09,451 I could explain everything, okay? 375 00:15:11,757 --> 00:15:14,191 Reese: Ow! Ow! Ow! 376 00:15:43,422 --> 00:15:44,514 Good, hon. 377 00:15:46,225 --> 00:15:47,453 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 378 00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:49,255 There's something we have to talk about. 379 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:56,893 I thought we weren't going to mention that 380 00:15:56,969 --> 00:15:58,129 until after the biopsy. 381 00:15:58,204 --> 00:15:59,068 It's not that. 382 00:15:59,138 --> 00:16:00,230 It's about Malcolm. 383 00:16:00,306 --> 00:16:01,034 I didn't do it. 384 00:16:01,107 --> 00:16:02,005 He did it. I saw him. 385 00:16:02,074 --> 00:16:03,803 A teacher from school came by 386 00:16:03,876 --> 00:16:05,969 and she ran some tests with Malcolm. 387 00:16:06,045 --> 00:16:09,310 He has an IQ of 165. 388 00:16:09,382 --> 00:16:11,782 Who? 389 00:16:11,851 --> 00:16:14,115 Malcolm. He's a genius. 390 00:16:14,186 --> 00:16:15,551 He's going to a special class. 391 00:16:15,621 --> 00:16:16,849 What? 392 00:16:16,922 --> 00:16:18,514 Malcolm's special? 393 00:16:18,591 --> 00:16:19,888 Where do you think that came from? 394 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:21,859 They have a special program for gifted children. 395 00:16:21,927 --> 00:16:23,986 They have advanced textbooks and devoted teachers 396 00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:26,463 and good things they don't want to waste on normal kids. 397 00:16:26,532 --> 00:16:27,794 You start on Monday. 398 00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:29,801 In the Krelboyne class? 399 00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:31,837 Mom, no. I don't want to. 400 00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:33,804 What are you talking about? 401 00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:35,500 Of course you want to. 402 00:16:35,574 --> 00:16:37,542 No. I want to stay in my own class. 403 00:16:37,610 --> 00:16:39,874 I don't want to be a Krelboyne. 404 00:16:39,945 --> 00:16:42,311 Mom, seriously, Krelboynes get their butts kicked. 405 00:16:42,381 --> 00:16:44,781 Just stop one minute. 406 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:47,410 There's nothing wrong with being smart. 407 00:16:47,486 --> 00:16:48,885 And there's nothing wrong 408 00:16:48,954 --> 00:16:50,546 with being cut from the herd. 409 00:16:50,623 --> 00:16:52,386 It makes you the one buffalo that isn't there 410 00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:53,755 when the Indians run the rest 411 00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:55,760 - of them off the cliff. - Huh? 412 00:16:55,828 --> 00:16:57,352 Mom, this isn't fair. 413 00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:59,364 If I don't want to go, why do I have to? 414 00:16:59,432 --> 00:17:01,832 Because it's not just up to you. 415 00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:04,062 We have to do what's best for you. 416 00:17:04,136 --> 00:17:05,603 Is Malcolm going to Alabama? 417 00:17:05,671 --> 00:17:08,162 Mom, please! Don't make me go! Please! 418 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:09,730 Malcolm, calm down. 419 00:17:09,809 --> 00:17:11,003 But it isn't fair! 420 00:17:11,077 --> 00:17:13,170 That's right. It isn't fair. 421 00:17:13,245 --> 00:17:15,076 It's the first time anyone in this family 422 00:17:15,147 --> 00:17:16,341 has ever been given an edge 423 00:17:16,415 --> 00:17:17,780 and you are not going to waste it. 424 00:17:17,850 --> 00:17:18,839 Dad? 425 00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:19,748 Honey? 426 00:17:21,987 --> 00:17:23,352 Well... 427 00:17:23,422 --> 00:17:25,185 Iook, honey... 428 00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:31,188 Malcolm, you see... 429 00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:36,359 Oh, for crying out loud. 430 00:17:36,435 --> 00:17:39,131 How come there's never any iced tea in this pitcher? 431 00:17:39,205 --> 00:17:40,695 I make a fresh batch every morning 432 00:17:40,773 --> 00:17:42,434 and it's gone by the time I get home. 433 00:17:42,508 --> 00:17:44,976 I want a better family! 434 00:17:45,044 --> 00:17:48,207 Malcolm... 435 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,373 Go get yogurt. 436 00:17:50,449 --> 00:17:51,711 Look at that. 437 00:17:51,784 --> 00:17:53,217 Gone. 438 00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:55,116 Can't you make iced tea? 439 00:17:55,187 --> 00:17:56,779 No! 440 00:17:56,856 --> 00:17:59,450 I don't want to go to a special class. 441 00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:01,117 People think I'm weird enough already. 442 00:18:01,193 --> 00:18:02,660 I know. 443 00:18:02,728 --> 00:18:04,923 I like where I am. I want to stay. 444 00:18:04,997 --> 00:18:08,330 That's because you don't understand the world yet. 445 00:18:08,401 --> 00:18:09,993 Sweetie, life does not give you 446 00:18:10,069 --> 00:18:11,331 a lot of chances to move up 447 00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:13,099 even if you deserve it. 448 00:18:13,172 --> 00:18:14,571 Look at your dad and me. 449 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,167 Malcolm, I'm proud of you. 450 00:18:18,244 --> 00:18:19,905 You boys are so lucky. 451 00:18:19,979 --> 00:18:22,243 You have so many gifts that other kids don't have. 452 00:18:22,314 --> 00:18:25,511 And I don't just mean Stevie Kenarban, either. 453 00:18:25,584 --> 00:18:28,417 I mean, look at those Parker boys across the street. 454 00:18:28,487 --> 00:18:30,079 They may be healthy, but honest to God 455 00:18:30,156 --> 00:18:31,748 those are the ugliest little boys ever born. 456 00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:34,054 They look like boiled beets, don't you think? 457 00:18:34,126 --> 00:18:35,787 And those Henderson kids? 458 00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:37,192 That electrocuted their dog 459 00:18:37,263 --> 00:18:38,696 when they were trying to get free cable. 460 00:18:38,764 --> 00:18:41,358 How smart can they be? 461 00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:42,799 And your friend Richard. 462 00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,426 He's not ugly or dumb. 463 00:18:44,503 --> 00:18:46,471 Yes, but he's very effeminate. 464 00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:48,404 Just remember 465 00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:50,772 any kid who makes fun of you 466 00:18:50,843 --> 00:18:52,435 is a creepy little loser 467 00:18:52,511 --> 00:18:54,103 who'll end up working in a car wash. 468 00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:58,310 This shouldn't make me feel better, but it does. 469 00:18:58,384 --> 00:19:00,614 You'll be all right, sweetie. 470 00:19:00,686 --> 00:19:02,551 If you don't make a big deal out of this 471 00:19:02,621 --> 00:19:04,282 nobody else will either. 472 00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:06,017 And I just can't say enough 473 00:19:06,091 --> 00:19:08,685 about how proud we should all be of Malcolm 474 00:19:08,761 --> 00:19:10,991 for getting into the gifted program. 475 00:19:11,063 --> 00:19:13,588 Now Malcolm may not look different than the rest of us 476 00:19:13,666 --> 00:19:15,190 but he is. 477 00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:17,258 Very different. 478 00:19:17,336 --> 00:19:19,634 In his brain. 479 00:19:19,705 --> 00:19:22,765 And I think we should recognize him for that. 480 00:19:26,745 --> 00:19:28,110 Bye. 481 00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,740 Caroline: All righty, today we are starting a new section 482 00:19:30,816 --> 00:19:32,408 on the Peloponnesian War 483 00:19:32,485 --> 00:19:35,181 which I know you are all going to love. 484 00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:37,313 Malcolm? 485 00:19:37,389 --> 00:19:40,415 Are you okay? 486 00:19:41,827 --> 00:19:43,692 Uh, yeah. 487 00:19:43,762 --> 00:19:44,956 Fine. 488 00:19:45,030 --> 00:19:45,962 All right. 489 00:19:46,031 --> 00:19:47,293 Excuse me. 490 00:19:54,940 --> 00:19:56,737 Stop staring at me! 491 00:20:06,552 --> 00:20:07,985 Why do they keep doing that? 492 00:20:08,053 --> 00:20:09,452 You're new. 493 00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:10,454 Oh, great. 494 00:20:10,523 --> 00:20:12,548 So I'm the freak of the freak show? 495 00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:15,219 Pi to 50 places. 496 00:20:15,294 --> 00:20:18,161 Mark. Set. Go. 497 00:20:18,230 --> 00:20:20,221 3.141592653 498 00:20:20,299 --> 00:20:21,857 58979323... 499 00:20:21,934 --> 00:20:24,232 Turn around, or I swear to God 500 00:20:24,303 --> 00:20:25,770 I'll kill you. 501 00:20:27,473 --> 00:20:29,532 Just... chill out. 502 00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:30,905 Don't tell me to chill out. 503 00:20:30,976 --> 00:20:32,238 You chill out. 504 00:20:32,311 --> 00:20:33,676 Nobody can live like this. 505 00:20:33,746 --> 00:20:35,714 - I'm okay. - Oh, sure. 506 00:20:35,781 --> 00:20:38,181 You're okay because it doesn't make any difference to you. 507 00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:39,717 You've always been a freak. 508 00:20:39,785 --> 00:20:42,083 I used to be normal. 509 00:20:42,154 --> 00:20:44,418 Wait. Who just said that? 510 00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:48,183 You're going to take that the wrong way 511 00:20:48,260 --> 00:20:49,227 aren't you? 512 00:20:49,295 --> 00:20:51,263 You... 513 00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,922 suck. 514 00:20:58,337 --> 00:21:01,431 It's so cool! 515 00:21:01,507 --> 00:21:04,874 Around here, being smart is exactly like being radioactive. 516 00:21:18,123 --> 00:21:21,115 I can't believe I'm doing this. 517 00:21:26,332 --> 00:21:28,562 Stevie? 518 00:21:28,634 --> 00:21:30,659 What? 519 00:21:31,971 --> 00:21:34,132 Look 520 00:21:34,206 --> 00:21:37,141 I... 521 00:21:37,209 --> 00:21:38,904 Score! 522 00:21:38,978 --> 00:21:41,446 (Laughing) 523 00:21:41,513 --> 00:21:42,980 Hey, Spath! 524 00:21:43,048 --> 00:21:45,573 Why don't you stop being such a buttwipe?! 525 00:21:45,651 --> 00:21:47,243 All: Ooh. 526 00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:52,813 What'd you call me? 527 00:21:52,891 --> 00:21:53,983 You heard me! 528 00:21:54,059 --> 00:21:55,321 I don't care anymore! 529 00:21:55,394 --> 00:21:57,191 I just don't care, Spath, okay? 530 00:21:57,262 --> 00:21:59,594 Alls you ever do is make everybody miserable! 531 00:21:59,665 --> 00:22:02,031 Except for your little monkey-slaves over there. 532 00:22:02,101 --> 00:22:04,092 Who, by the way, only pretend to like you. 533 00:22:04,169 --> 00:22:06,194 They hate you as much as everyone else does! 534 00:22:06,271 --> 00:22:08,034 And you're just too busy being mean and stupid 535 00:22:08,107 --> 00:22:09,199 to ever figure it out! 536 00:22:09,274 --> 00:22:12,539 I keep trying to run, but my legs won't work. 537 00:22:12,611 --> 00:22:15,546 Mom was right: They are important. 538 00:22:15,614 --> 00:22:16,706 Wow. 539 00:22:16,782 --> 00:22:18,682 I don't know about you 540 00:22:18,751 --> 00:22:21,185 but the Krelboyne really hurt my feelings. 541 00:22:21,253 --> 00:22:23,050 (Nervous Laughter) 542 00:22:25,224 --> 00:22:26,350 Hey... 543 00:22:26,425 --> 00:22:29,223 Go away, Stevie. 544 00:22:29,294 --> 00:22:30,955 It's good you two are friends. 545 00:22:31,030 --> 00:22:33,624 He won't mind sharing his wheelchair. 546 00:22:33,699 --> 00:22:37,465 Okay, this is where something good happens, finally. 547 00:22:37,536 --> 00:22:38,969 So we're going to slow down 548 00:22:39,038 --> 00:22:41,006 and make it last as long as possible. 549 00:22:51,950 --> 00:22:54,714 * The possible dream * 550 00:22:54,787 --> 00:22:59,383 * Finale of scenes * 551 00:22:59,458 --> 00:23:02,325 * The moment that some call eternal * 552 00:23:02,394 --> 00:23:07,161 * That some call insane * 553 00:23:15,841 --> 00:23:17,672 (All Gasping) 554 00:23:20,212 --> 00:23:22,339 Dude, you hit a cripple. 555 00:23:24,016 --> 00:23:27,179 (Gasping And Shouting) 556 00:23:27,252 --> 00:23:29,220 I didn't mean to... I wasn't trying... 557 00:23:29,288 --> 00:23:31,051 Stevie, I'm sorry. 558 00:23:31,123 --> 00:23:33,557 (Stevie Groaning) 559 00:23:33,625 --> 00:23:36,389 Ow... 560 00:23:36,462 --> 00:23:39,260 aah... 561 00:23:39,331 --> 00:23:40,923 ow! 562 00:23:40,999 --> 00:23:42,728 What's your problem? 563 00:23:42,801 --> 00:23:45,235 I mean, he's in a wheelchair and he has glasses. 564 00:23:50,309 --> 00:23:52,971 * I've seen better days * 565 00:23:53,045 --> 00:23:54,569 * I've been a star of many plays * 566 00:23:54,646 --> 00:23:56,113 So then, the principal comes out 567 00:23:56,181 --> 00:23:58,274 and everyone's all talking at once. 568 00:23:58,350 --> 00:23:59,749 So the story he puts together 569 00:23:59,818 --> 00:24:01,911 is that Spath attacks Stevie for his lunch 570 00:24:01,987 --> 00:24:04,353 and I'm like this hero that stepped in to defend him. 571 00:24:04,423 --> 00:24:06,857 It was beautiful. 572 00:24:06,925 --> 00:24:10,361 Okay, it wasn't funny when Spath started crying. 573 00:24:10,429 --> 00:24:13,057 No, wait, it was. 574 00:24:14,399 --> 00:24:17,197 Dad's hair... ugh. 575 00:24:17,269 --> 00:24:20,261 Yeah, I know. It's gross. 576 00:24:20,339 --> 00:24:22,273 But, hey, if a bunch of birds 577 00:24:22,341 --> 00:24:24,206 can make the best out of what they get 578 00:24:24,276 --> 00:24:25,368 then so can I. 579 00:24:25,444 --> 00:24:26,376 Dewey: Malcolm? 580 00:24:26,445 --> 00:24:28,037 Like having to go to special class. 581 00:24:28,113 --> 00:24:30,206 I can make it work out, right? 582 00:24:30,282 --> 00:24:31,544 Malcolm? 583 00:24:31,617 --> 00:24:32,709 Not now! 584 00:24:32,785 --> 00:24:33,877 Or my family. 585 00:24:33,952 --> 00:24:35,886 We're not the greatest family in the world 586 00:24:35,954 --> 00:24:37,546 but we can get better. 587 00:24:37,623 --> 00:24:39,090 I mean, it's not impossible. 588 00:24:39,158 --> 00:24:40,090 Malcolm? 589 00:24:40,159 --> 00:24:41,217 What?! 590 00:24:41,293 --> 00:24:42,385 Can I get out? 591 00:24:42,461 --> 00:24:43,826 No, stop asking. 592 00:24:43,896 --> 00:24:47,059 So basically, I think everything's going to be okay. 593 00:24:47,132 --> 00:24:48,224 (Pounding) 594 00:24:48,300 --> 00:24:50,234 A bug went up my nose. 595 00:24:50,302 --> 00:24:52,167 So what do you want me to do about it? 596 00:24:53,305 --> 00:25:53,202 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/hsxt Help other users to choose the best subtitles