Okay, we still need wine,cheese, flowers --
Oh, we have to stop by the bakery.
Yeah, and we need a hostess gift
for Longinus' Friendsgiving party.
You know, she does not lookkindly on an empty-handed guest.
It's too much. I know.
But what do you expect from somebody who changed their name
from Larry Jones to Longinus St. Germaine?
No, I mean this list.
Okay, we're only making itto my dad's by 4:00
if we blow off the hostessformerly known as Larry.
No! His party's my favorite thing about Thanksgiving!
Like, when we all go around the table and say one thing
we're thankful for not wearing this year.
No. No, I'm sorry. Sorry.
Even skipping the party, we'rebarely gonna make it in time.
Alright. Here.
Let's divvy these upand meet back here.
Okay, fine.
Um...
Oh, hi, Mitch!Oh! Hi, Ronaldo.
What -- Let me guess. Those are for Longinus?
Oh, I would never getsomething this shabbyfor that judgy queen.Mm.
No, my momis in the hospital.Oh, my God.
Will I see you guys at the party?
Oh, unfortunately no.
Uh, this day has turned into something of a nightmare.
Oh. Where's Cam?
We just split up.
We just needed so many different things,
it was easier to separate.
So, anyway, happy Thanksgiving.
Tell everyone I said hi.
Super sad news.
Guess who just broke up.
Hint -- you owe me 50 bucks.
--Captions by VITAC--
Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc.
and brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.
Luke, stop eatingall the marshmallows.
Those yams need all the helpthat they can get.
Alex, how's the stuffing?
You tell me.
Why do we even have this stupid holiday?
Mom and Dad have been incredible --
letting me, Dylan, and the twinslive with them,
helping with midnight feedings, bedtime stories.
Dylan loves it when my dad does the voices.
So, I'm giving my mom a break
from cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
I wanted to do something special
to thank them for being there for me.
I'm sorry. I've just, um...
I've become such a beautiful person.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jay.
Oh, I can slide over if you want to watch this with me.
Nah. I never saw the pointof a parade without tanks.
I'm gonna take the planeout for a spin.
You want to come with?
Me?
Go...fly?
I played it cool, but I was pretty jazzed.
It's been 10 years since Jay asked me
to go model-plane flying with him, and I was, uh...
I was eager to replace that memory
with a -- a be-- a better one.
Okay, let's do it!
Whoo!
Where are you guys going?
Oh, nowhere special.
Let's just say that Jay's asked me to join his mile high club.
Let's not say that.
Cool!
You know, years ago, I almost joined
the female-dominated worldof flight attendants.
My fellow nurses stillneedle me about it.
Can I come?
Uh, actually,Jay's pretty particular about --
Sure, why not?
Looks likewe're having a threesome!
You're embarrassing yourself.
The turkey is still frozen in the middle!
Hot on the outside,cold on the inside --
reminds meof a certain someone.
Please don't ask. Sure.
Ugh, this pie fillingis so sour.
Manny: Yeah, it's devastating
when you expect something to be sweet
but ends up beingintense psychosexual torture.
I don't want to talk about it.
Cool, cool.Luke: Don't worry.
Luke's famous Jell-o mold is here to save your sorry butts.
Aah!
I can't havethe one nice thing I've done
for Mom and Dad be a disaster!
Alex, um, call you please callthat chef that you're dating?
That pompous weirdo?
I purposely broke up with him before the holidays.
If I call him now, I will bestuck with him until New Year's.
There's a school of thought
it can even stretch out to Valentine's Day.
Once you pass Thanksgiving,it's the Wild West.
Okay!Her name is Jessica.
We met during a Santa Ana wind,
and we all knowwhat Raymond Chandler said --
So no need to repeat it.
Alex, please. How weird can your chef be?
I don't know if it's 'cause he's a chef
and they can be controlling,
and I know there's lots of different "love languages,"
but...
he puppets me.
You want them to be super thinand uniform, like this.
You're tearing up from the onions.
Mnh? Unh?
And blow.
You know, maybe I'll just go to the bathroom and do this.
Okay. Sure. Let's go.
Oh, Joe! You're doing place cards?
Doesn't Manny usually take care of seating?
He's "going through something."
Ah.
I'm sure we'll hear a spokenword about it soon enough.
You really are turning into a 4-foot version of my dad.
Ourdad.
That will never not be weird.
Gloria, you do laundry?
Or are you hiding a pregnancy?
No.The housekeeper quit.
Ohh!
I really love working for Philfull-time for very little money,
but I didn't realizehow hard it was going to be
balancing everything.
I know. That's why I love not working.
Finally, enough time to get everything done.
Really? Mm-hmm.
You don't missfacing new challenges,
the fire of competition,
that sense of accomplishment?
No. No.
I mean, of course, I worried I was the type of person
who needed to be busy all the time, but it's like a drug --
after a couple of weeks of withdrawal,
I am finally comfortable doing nothing.
Hmm.
Hey!
Oh, what kind of pie did you get,
pun'kin, pee-can, sweet pataytuh?
Flourless chocolate cake.
Let's see you tryand country that up.
Oh. My phone's in my pocket.
Here, would you grab it? I can't get it.
Yep. Alright.
Who is it?Oh, it's from Jotham.
"Just heard. I'm so sorry.How are you doing?"
What's that about?
I have no idea.
Oh, L'Michael.
"Sending all my love,Camembert.
Call me." What?
Artemis.
"Ronaldo told meabout you and Mitchell.
Broken-heart emoji, tear emoji,
Tammy Faye Bakker cryingGIF."
What did Ronaldo tell him?
No clue. I-I just saw him here,and he asked where you were,
and I told him that we split upto shop and that --
Oh, my God. He thinkswe actually split up.
Oh, and it's gone viral.
Well, there are two things a gay can't sit on --
a plastic patio chair and a juicy bit of gossip.
Well, it's nice to see
how supportive our friends are being.
Yeah. It's nice how quicklythey reached out to --
to you.
I got nothing.
It's like it's mocking me.
I-I'm sure the texts were meant for both of us.
That's not how it works,okay?
They're not thanking usfor brunch.
We're getting a divorce!
Why is no one calling me?!
Well, maybe becausethey think you're the --
the stronger, less emotional one.
That's crazy. Just because I'm strong
doesn't mean I don't need my friends at a time like this!
A time like what?
Y-You realizing this isn'tactually happening, right?
Oh, come on.
If the shoe was on the otherfoot, you would be freaking out.
Yes -- which is why I'm getting all the texts.
Okay, well, here.
Ohh, from Steven and Stefanin Capri.
Oh. Text back, uh, "Do not fly home.
I'm doing okay."
I thought this wasn't really happening!
Barrel roll into an S-turn...
and a little thing I call Pritchett-Switch-It.
That just looks like a right-hand turn.
It would to an amateur.
You're an artist, Jay.
The sky's your canvas.
Oh, should we do the hoop?
Great idea.
Hey, champ, take thisout to the middle of the field
and hold it up.
Awesome!
Guess it's "champ's" turn.
Are -- Are we sure champ doesn't need to see
how it's done properly first?
I mean, it's not just standing there.
Dylan, just stand there!
Yes!
What a wonderful shared experience!
Now, stay out there.
We'll do it again.
Kid's a natural. He didn't even flinch.
Bravery or a sluggish brain -- guess we'll never know.
Sorry.
Just, uh, I'm -- I'm a little annoyed
that Dylan's horning in on our thing.
Hey, you know what,my hands are cramping up.
You want to take over for me here?
Really? Yeah.
Thanks.
Listen, i-is it possible that you're angry at Dylan
for something more than today?
Well, he did take the last waffle this morning.
I think it's more about -- he took your firstborn.
Now, I've been there.
It's only natural, you know.
Us dads, we're very protective of our daughters, but, uh...
In fact, you may get a very strong impulse
to fly that plane right into the guy,
but don't do it.
What? I-I would --I would never hurt Dylan.
Why would you even thinkI'd have that impulse?
I don't know. I thought...
you know, the way you were looking at him....
Wait.
Is that what you were thinking 10 years ago?
A-All this time, I thought it was my fault!
I-I moved my head at the last second.
But you hit me on purpose!
Don't be ridiculous! I just --
You just what, Jay?
Thought it'd be funto fly a plane into my face?
What kind of monster does thatto another human be--
Aw, no.
Look at this.
Okay, I think it's good for now.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You need to enjoy your "me" time.
Yeah.
Yesterday, I had three open houses.
I was running around all day,
solving problems, creating value...
Ay, it was exhausting.
Yeah. Don't miss that.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, and one of the houses was filthy!
Oh.
All the windows needed to be washed.
Oh. Euggh!
But I am one to talk.
Follow my instructions, and we can save this meal.
Who are you? Manny.
Wrong. In this kitchen, you don't have a name. Stir.
Well, thisis a fun energy.
Do you happen to have a cousin
partial to Western skirts and terrifying mood swings?
We need him. Just do it.
Those carrots are a mess.
It's like this.
Wait, what --
Oh, man.
You really know what you want.
I feel so safe.
That needs more salt.
That needs more cream.
And, Alex, I have a soufflé in that oven
valiantly trying to rise.
Would you mind not pounding those walnuts
like you're Quasimodo just going at his bell?
You know what, Neil?I don't know how --
Are these too hot?
Claire? Why are you washing our windows?
I don't know.
They were really dirty,and your mom found a pole.
You know,funny coincidence --
last week,I was offered the top job
at a company that makes poles.
Yeah, I'm going through something, too.
Anyway,I turned the job down,
but I thinkI'm reconsidering it.
Her name is Jessica.
I know that polesaren't as sexy as closets.
But people really seem to like them,
and they arefamously recession-proof.
Oh, God. I think I made a terrible mistake.
I got to call thosepeople and get that jobbefore it goes away.
Because --
Don't do it, Claire! It's beneath you!
Whoa! Manny, show some respect!
If it weren't for poles,
you would be pledging allegianceto a floor mat!
Now, give me my phone!No!
You can't take a job on the rebound.
It'll feel good for a minute,
but then you're plummeting downa K-hole of paranoia and regret.
Huh. How was yourweek?
Fine. I'll tell youwhy I'm wearing a turtleneck.
After Sherry dumped me,
I dated the first girlwho would have me --
ironically,the leading rebounder
on our basketball team.
That's where she hit mewith her mouth guard.
I've tried to leave her,
but she just palms my head, and I run in place.
Well, I'm sorrythis is happening to you, Manny,
but what does this have to do with --
She's the pole company,Claire.
Learn from my mistake --
unless you wanta compromising Polaroid of you
hung up very highin the women's locker room.
I might need to borrow that ladder later.
Claire! Hmm?
Do you want to help me shop online later
for some power suits?
Oh, God, I miss wearing comfortable clothes
all the time, like you do.
Yep. It sounds like a lot of fun.
I --
What am I doing?
A terrific job. Keep going!
N-No!
I have been sweatingever since I got here.
Did you trick meinto doing your housework?
No.
Unh-unh!That phone did not ring!
You're walking awaybecause you know you're guilty!
And take those shoes off!I just did the floors!
My friends' reaction to our "divorce" really bothered me.
So I made an excuse to Cam
and went over to Longinus' party.
I wanted the friends to know
that I am just as emotionally needy as Cam!
Hey, girl, hey!
I can't believe you came.
Oh, my God. How's Cam?!
Yes, how is he?
Cam's fine. He's fine.
It was justa big misunderstanding.
We're not getting a divorce.
Well, girl, come on in.
Let's get you twodrinks --
one for each empty handyou showed up to the party with.
Well, I-I could use it.
I mean, even though it's --it's not true about the divorce,
it couldbe -- you know, someday.
And that just -- that just makes me so, so...
Confused?
Angry? Furious.
"The Fast and the Furious"!
Okay,this isn't charades.
I'm sad.
That's your sad?Yes.
That's your sad?
Yeah.
And I-I really needyour support right now.
Wait, something new is happening.
Oh, my God!
How can you not see howemotionally raw I am right now?
Huh?
Nothing lasts forever.
What happens when it's over?
Poor Cam. He is so fragile.
Ptolemy: He's gonna need us.
We'll be there for him.
Who will be there to dry thesetears?
What tears?
Where they at?
Ay, no, not again!
It wasn't me this time. He did it to himself.
Unlike last time,
when you purposely flew that plane into my face.
You're a monster, Jay.
Who are you calling a monster?
Um, he just said -- Jay.
This isn't worth it!
Why do I do anything with people?
I'm pretty sureyou don't have a concussion,
but I'm gonna stay here just in case,
so you don't fall asleep.
Gloria, should you go get Mrs. D?
Oh, yeah, sure. I'll see if I can find her.
Claire?
Oh, hey. Seen Cam?
And a Happy Thanksgivingto you.
Oh, that's a lot of attitude. You sound like my dad.
Ourdad!
Uch.Cameron: There you are.
So, I just, uh, gota text message from Longinus.
Said you left your sunglassesat his Friendsgiving party --
the one you decreed we didn'thave enough time to go to.
Mitchell,you owe me an apology.
I owe youan apology?
I may not have brought a gift to Longinus' party,
but I sure leftwith one.
It's like he's never seen someone cry before.
Just think of something sad.
Like when a pet died,
or when L'Michael was a seat filler at the Golden Globes
and got to sit next to Nicole Kidman.
Why him?!
Ptolemy, you mustget over that.
Look, the only reason we all rallied around Cam was,
last time y'all broke up,
he was shattered and you seemed fine.
What last time?
Apparently, years ago,
Cam invented a breakup that never really happened,
just so he could gauge how much support he could count on
in the event of the real thing.
Normal.
It's my fault for loving him too much!
No!No!No! No!
You can doso much better.Don't do this to yourself.
Honey.Yes.
You turned everyone against me!
Because in a breakup,friends choose a side,
and I'm -- I'm more fragile,and I would need them more.
I was just preparingfor an emergency.
I didn't yell at you when youbought that, uh, earthquake kit.
You told them I disappear for days at a time.
Which you wouldn't know about
had you not gone to the partybehind my back.
Where's the trust, Mitchell?
Looks like a good place to hide from the drama.
Dad, I am so madat your wife right now.
I need a guest house.No, no, no.
She -- She has completely taken advantage of my restlessness
and basically turned me into her housekeeper.
How? By doing somethingthe wrong way,
knowing you'll jump inand do it the right way?
What's wrong with me?Why can't I get these clean?
Not gonna happen.
I am partly to blame.
I'm not good at doing nothing.
How did they get fingerprints on the inside of the glass?
It's crazy.
You know,I had a similar experience
when I turned the company over to you.
It wasn't the activitythat I missed.
I missed being the boss.
Oh! Yeah. I hear you there.
Giving orders, people scared of you.Yeah.
I like day drinking,
but nothing beatsbeing drunk with power.
Yeah.
Do you know how many unfunny jokes I told at the office?
None? Exactly.
Knock knock."Ha ha ha ha!
Good one, boss! Ha ha ha ha!
How do youkeep coming up with them?"
Spineless bootlickers.
God, I miss them.
How did you get over it?
I didn't wait around for someoneto put me in charge again.
I made my own opportunity.
Dad, dog beds?
Better than poles.
Oh, yeah. I hear things.
Alright.
Dylan is on twin duty,
so I'm gonna make sure you don't fall asleep.
I've been asleepfor the last 10 years.
Imagine finding out
the plane crash you were inwas no accident.
Well, you're not alone.
Jay did something very similar to me
when Mitchell and I first got together.
He "accidentally" bumped me with his car --
a realcar, not a -- not a toy.
I was pretty bruised up.
I just -- I just assumed it was because
he didn't want his son with a boyfriend,
but he thought Mitchell could do better.
It was a-a bit of a shock.
Uhp --
But then, once I became a father,
I realized how protective you can be over your kid.
There was a little boy on Lily'ssoccer team always teasing her,
so at the end-of-the-season party,
I may have nudged him face-first
into a freshly fried funnel cake.
It is possible that I have more in common
with dads like Jay than I would like to admit.
Sorry I ate the last waffle, Mr. D.
I've been so hungry lately.
Mm.
I wonder if that means we're pregnant again.
Oh, shoot!
Shoot!
Shoot, shoot, shoot.
Ohhhhhh.
Congratulations, Alex.
A warren of starving rabbits wouldn't eat these carrots.
I'm starting to wonder if our relationship should just be sexual.
Okay, Neil, honestly --
Hey, hey, hey, you lovebirds! Time for that later.
We got a meal to finish.
Can somebody call FEMA?This meringue is a disaster.
I just did what you told me.
Oh, really? I told youto underbeat the egg whites?
I really think --
Ithink. You do.
Oh, Neil. Are you done with Alex?
'Cause I'm having trouble slivering these almonds.
Be one with me.
Hey, Jay, um...
I think I overreacted earlier.
I want to apologize.
Forget it.
If I'm being honest,maybe on some level...
I really did wantto hit you with that plane.
I'm sorry, Phil.
Thank you.
Maybe I, uh, understand better
why a father might want to protect a daughter.
Or a son.
I banged Cam up pretty goodbefore I gave him the nod.
He never figured it out.
I get the impulse. I'm -- I'm guilty of it myself.
But there's got to be a better way of handling anger
than hurting someone, right?
Neil: Disgusting!
If this wasthe first Thanksgiving,
your gravy would be the worst thing
this country has doneto Native Americans!
Hey, buddy.
Yeah?
Ohh!
Oops.
What a senseless accident.
What the hell?!
It's not the end of the world.
Chefs don't need to smell things.
You people are crazy.I'm getting out of here.
What a splendid idea.
Enjoy the soufflé.
You're the best.
Whoa. What's going on? Did I just hear the chef leave?
It's hopeless.I can't even tell what this was.
Well, I'll see if there'sa restaurant that can take us.
I'm just going home.Yeah.
No. No, no, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa! No!
No one is going anywhere.
Listen, you know what? We can salvage this Thanksgiving.
Phil, you get the salad started.
Luke, anything you don't need
dental records to identify, save.
Alex, that guy was an idiot. Pick better boyfriends.
I'm sorry, Mom.I so wanted to do this for you.
Oh, honey, no.
You gave me the best gift ever.
I'm bossing people around again!
Look, I guess I just --
I didn't think I would be ableto survive if you ever left me.
And I still don't.
Thank you. Mm-hmm.
And the party wasn't that fun.
Something was missing.
Oh, I love when you say thingswithout really saying them.
You meant me,right?
Luke: Um...um, "Man Without A Face."
"The Mummy."
"Coma"!
"I, Robot"?
"Frozen"?
"The Crying Game"!
Ohhhh.
What is wrong with you people?
If he wants to see crying,he should come and see me
in the kitchenwith all these dirty dishes.
Claire: Fine.
I will do plates and I will do silverware,
but nothing that requires soaking!
Oh, you guys are so cute!
Well, George is.
Poppy's gonna need a personality.
Ooh!
Sorry, dude. Total accident.
Oh. He's gonna be a good dad.