[ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ]
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ] >> it's alive!
[ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ]
[ smooch! ] [ laughs evilly ]
>> and now back to disney's "gargoyles."
>> [ scoffs ] please stop saying that every
Time we start to have sex. >> honey, come on.
We are unattractive people. I'm just owning it.
>> find mcclane and bring me my detonators.
>> unless you want it to get messy out there, I suggest you
Start organizing trips to the bathroom.
And fyi -- the east bathroom is being redone and only has a
Urinal. >> fine.
[ door opens ] [ hostages scream ]
>> attention. If you are a male who has to go
Pee really, really bad, raise your hand and keep it raised.
This is your bathroom pass. When your group color is called,
You must show the leader your pass before your group can
Proceed to the bathroom. If you are a woman who has to go
Poo, you are in the aqua group. [ static ]
>> hey, hans, I just took a dump in the east bathroom urinal.
>> regroup! Everyone hand back your
Laminates. >> uh, this is the source of the
Transmission, but nobody's here. >> should a couple of space
Truckers be making first contact with an alien ship?
>> [ shouting ] sorry it's so messy!
It's hard to get maid service in space!
>> [ chuckles ] who are you?
>> my name's gordon shumway. I crash-landed here.
How ironic! My ship goes down, my insurance
Premium goes up! [ both laugh ]
>> that was hilarious. Maybe we should take him back to
The nostromo. >> ripley here.
Quarantine procedure says we are forbidden from bringing any
Alien life form on board, kane. >> thanks, captain paranoid of
The s.S. "rules"! We're bringing this hilarious
Mother[bleep] aboard. >> ooh, nice outfit, brett.
I didn't know there was a goodwill in space!
[ laughter ] >> this guy's jokes are obvious.
I want him off the ship. >> the crazy cat lady who
Doesn't want us to have any fun doesn't want us to have any fun?
I'm gobsmacked. >> seriously, brett, I dress
Better than you, and I'm naked! [ laughter ]
>> [ coughing, choking ] >> whoa!
Someone get that guy a tums! [ laughter ]
>> I can't not laugh at this guy.
>> your friend just choked to death!
Your shitty jokes are going to kill my crew.
>> can't you see, ripley? He's the perfect organism.
His jokes are flawless in structure and delivery.
He nails it every [bleep] time. >> but kane is dead!
>> the only thing that died is your interior decorator.
Geesh! [ laughter ]
[ all choking ]
What a delicious-looking cat. Allow me to introduce it to my
Stomach. Here, dinner, dinner, dinner.
[ cat yowls ]
>> get away from her, you hack! >> another outfit change?!
What is this -- the oscars? Ha! I kill me!
>> no. I kill you. >> hey, relax!
Ever hear of decaf? That's gonna leave a mark.
Anybody got any bactine? >> just shouting something
Doesn't make it funny! >> is this because I didn't use
A coaster-r-r-r-r-r?!
[ wind whistling ] >> just a lizard wizard in a
Blizzard, yo. Nothing to see here.
>> muckman, you stay here and keep April safe.
We'll go after shredder! >> man, shredder and stuff.
Craziness. >> yeah.
>> hey. Question. Is there a full banana peel
Melting into my head right now? >> yes.
>> that is unfortunate. [ loud fart ]
What the...Who did that, man? That was probably krang or
Something. >> krang was never here.
It's just us. >> nah, that was probably krang,
I bet. So nasty! That guy, man.
>> uh, that's impossible. I would've seen him.
>> nah, man. Nah, he was here.
He blew ass, and then he left. >> muckman, I know you're lying.
>> freaking krang, man. >> there is no way krang came
In, farted for 10 whole seconds, and then left.
I absolutely would've seen that occur.
Look, I don't care! You had gas! It happens!
Just please don't blatantly lie to my face!
>> cool, man! No! Cool! Absolutely. I'm sorry. Cool.
We -- we are cool.
Krang, man. >> it was not krang!!
>> [ panting ] >> have you seen my soap on a
Rope? How did I manage to lose it?
It's on a freakin' rope! Ha! >> it's still not even a joke.
>> I'm glad we finally admitted we just don't work as roommates.
>> now people will stop saying we're gay.
>> ah, this is much easier than one of us ever getting a
Girlfriend. [ knock on door ]
Oh, that must be the new roommate.
I found him off craigslist. >> um, is that safe?
>> where can I put my spoons? Hey, bert?
Dude, am I waking you up, man? Hey.
>> what?! >> you ever put a gun in your
Mouth, just to get that taste on your tongue?
>> no, sam. >> hey, bert! Bert.
>> what? What?! >> do I have blood in my
Mustache, bert? >> oh, is this another
Harebrained scheme like ernie? Oh, my god!
You're shitting in the sink! >> your toilet insulted my
Spoons! [ mid-tempo music playing ]
>> hey, kids! Do you have trouble tying your
Shoes? Well, sam and I have a song
About it! ¶ tying your shoes is so much
Fun ¶ >> ¶ the american government
Planned 9/11 ¶ >> uh... ¶ you make two loops
That look the same ¶ >> ¶ everyone knows there was no
Second plane ¶ whoops! Uh-oh!
My tooth fell out! Guess another angel got his
Wings. >> hey, bert! Just wanted to --
Whoa! What happened?! >> oh, ernie, I tried to make
Sam the new you, but instead, he made me the new smackhead dave!
>> oh, bert, I can cheer you up. [ pop ]
[ raspy laughs ] >> hey, I can do that, too.
[ grunting ] >> aah! Oh, god!
>> don't go! >> I must, john connor.
To protect the future, I must be destroyed.
>> wait! Of all the abusive fathers that
Came and went, you -- a-a terminator -- were the only
Positive influence. Stay. Be john's father.
>> dad? >> affirmative.
>> you were supposed to pick me up from school and take me to a
Dodger game! >> oops! Forgot!
>> I order you not to forget stuff!
>> negative. A string of neglectful father
Figures gave you a strong distrust of authority.
That trait led to your role as leader of the resistance and
Savior of the human race. So go get me another beer, you
Piece of shit. [ can clatters ]
What are you doing, idiot? >> writing a short story for
School. [ beeping ]
>> would you like my review? This is terrible.
You don't write stories again. You suck at it.
>> don't worry! I won't! [ sobbing ]
[ whirring, beeping ] I am drunk!
>> [ scoffs ] good for you. >> don't smoke in my house, boy!
>> I can do whatever I want in my room!
[ beeping ]
>> now your room has no wall, so it's technically part of my
House! Hasta la vista, butt-nut!
>> he has a point, john. >> if we're going to save this
Ship, we'll have to tap into the navigation computer and --
>> winona ryder's on this ship?! Lock my trailer!
My ipod's in there! Ha!
>> I don't usually get involved in day-to-day operations, so I'm
Smurfing undercover. They'll never smurf it's me.
[ chuckles ] ohh, I haven't smurfed these
Things off in nearly 300 years! Talk about crotch rot!
>> so, you're my new intern, huh?
>> that's right, farmer smurf. Teach me to care about your sad,
Little life -- I mean your noble and fulfilling, uh, career
Choice. >> well, smurfs are a thirsty
Bunch, so we got to smurf them fresh milk every day!
>> we've been drinking caterpillar milk?!
Oh, this is agony. It feels like my hands are gonna
Smurf off! >> yep, my carpal tunnel got so
Bad, they had to fuse my wrist bones in place!
>> but our healthcare is smurfy, right?
>> eh, my deductible is 2,000 smurfberries.
>> what?! [ cash register dings ]
>> dr. Smurf, why are deductibles so high?
>> boy, you smurf a lot of uppity questions for an intern.
Uh, just treat the next patient while I go for a jamba-juice run
In my gold-plated helicopter. Zoom, zoom.
>> actually, I'm not really qualified.
I -- [ door opens ]
>> we need dr. Smurf! Handy had an accident!
>> did someone get a sliver? Oh, my smurfing god!
>> I sawed right through a load-bearing mushroom!
Half our building materials are fungus!
Oh, trade school didn't prepare me for this!
>> you can smurf his fingers, right, nurse?
>> I'll certainly try. >> I'll certainly tried.
>> [ crying ] you can probably stop sewing.
>> no, no, no. I-I'm gonna get this.
So, grouchy smurf, how's the coffee today?
>> I hate coffee! >> oh! Okay.
But how do you like working here?
>> I hate working here. >> oh, goodness. Okay.
Well, is there anything that maybe papa smurf could do?
>> I hate papa smurf! >> all right, what exactly do
You do around here? >> I, um -- I...
Hate stuff? >> I'm being deadly serious.
>> I...I...
I hate shoveling dog shit. >> well, now that's actually an
Appropriate reaction. Carry on, dog-shit smurf!
>> ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶
¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ¶
¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶
¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ¶
¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶
¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ¶
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
>> hey. Question. Is there a full banana peel
Melting into my head right now? >> yes.
>> that is unfortunate. [ loud fart ]
What the...Who did that, man?