1 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:06,038 [ thunder crashes ] 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,874 >> [ laughs evilly ] 3 00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,976 [ sawing ] 4 00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,083 [ electricity crackles ] 5 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,885 >> it's alive! 6 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,460 [ thunder crashes ] 7 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:32,464 >> [ laughs evilly ] 8 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,466 [ smooch! ] 9 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,868 [ laughs evilly ] 10 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:44,643 [ dance music plays ] >> uh... 11 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:50,482 >> mmm...M&m's. [ crunch! ] 12 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:54,653 Oh [bleep] gross, man. This isn't even close to an m&m. 13 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,922 >> [ chuckles ] they're reese's piece-- 14 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:59,725 [ gasps ] what the hell?! >> [ growls ] 15 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,928 >> this one's throat is injured. >> their race is so primitive 16 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:08,434 And yet so fascinating. ¶ their skin is naked to the 17 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,602 Breeze ¶ ¶ did their fur fall out from 18 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,939 Some disease? ¶ ¶ they're pale and frail and 19 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:18,277 Smell like a latrine ¶ ¶ but I feel like I must take 20 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:21,613 The risk, for my chosen job is scientist ¶ 21 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:26,618 ¶ so even though my friends might find it too obscene ¶ 22 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:30,789 ¶ I'm gonna [bleep] a human ¶ >> what? 23 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,959 >> ¶ [bleep] a human ¶ ¶ [bleep] a ¶ 24 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:37,563 ¶ [bleep] a human ¶ >> cornelius, my pencil broke. 25 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:41,400 Be a dear and fetch me another? >> right away. 26 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:45,070 >> phew! ¶ this chick's cute, but smells 27 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,406 Like balls ¶ ¶ I guess she'll do when nature 28 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:50,075 Calls ¶ ¶ but astronauts are used to 29 00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:55,414 Better ta-a-a-ng ¶ ¶ zira needs an astro-pimp ¶ 30 00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,250 ¶ I'm limp to blimp when I see that chimp ¶ 31 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:03,589 ¶ perhaps our common language will be "gang bang" ¶ 32 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:08,594 ¶ I'm gonna [bleep] a monkey ¶ ¶ [bleep] a monkey ¶ 33 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:12,598 ¶ [bleep] a ¶ ¶ [bleep] a monkey ¶ 34 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,868 >> human, you can talk! >> hell yes, I can talk, and I 35 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:19,571 Can also hear, like when I hear damn dirty apes vowing to stick 36 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,207 Their damn dirty ape dorks into us humans. 37 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:25,878 >> and I heard you vow to put your disgusting, hairless, human 38 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,515 Skin flute into one of us apes. >> on my planet, we have a term 39 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:33,285 For this... >> both: "best summer ever!" 40 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,924 >> if his theory is correct, any one of those diseases could 41 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,059 Be used to camouflage him from the zombies. 42 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:43,695 >> but he doesn't know which diseases are in the vials. 43 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:47,366 >> no, not that one. >> oh, this is brutal. 44 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,601 Oh, god, he's... >> no. 45 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:55,440 >> yep, he just injected himself with aids. 46 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,610 >> it worked. >> oh, but he definitely has 47 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,446 Aids now. >> oh, geez, he's -- he's 48 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,049 Celebrating. [ exhales sharply ] 49 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,151 This is sad. >> what's he doing now? 50 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,154 Is he going back for more? >> oh, I can't watch this. 51 00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:11,523 Oh, god, we are making a snuff film. 52 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,126 >> isn't aids a livable disease nowadays? 53 00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:18,030 >> that's hiv, not aids. >> come on, no! 54 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:21,200 >> oh, this is brutal. >> what's he doing now? 55 00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,168 >> d-don't. No, don't! Don't do it! 56 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:25,504 This is absurd. >> did he just drink his own 57 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,539 Piss?! >> he's all hopped up on aids. 58 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,841 >> whoo! >> where did he get that 59 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,843 Sombrero? >> it was first prize for 60 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:35,347 Putting a fork in world war z! [ groans ] 61 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:40,852 [ retching ] >> oh, boy, it sure is a great 62 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:44,289 Day here on sesame street! >> yeah, especially since we're 63 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,758 The last neighborhood in new york that hasn't been 64 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,028 Gentrified. >> until today because our 65 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:53,932 Special guest is hannah horvath from the "marginally popular, 66 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:57,402 But ignored in the flyover states" hbo series "girls." 67 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,671 >> hey! Do you know where I could find a 68 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,407 Cocaine dealer/organic vietnamese taco truck around 69 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,377 Here? >> [bleep] me. 70 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,379 >> ooh, you're so cute. 71 00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:11,683 I really love how you don't play games, grover. 72 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,519 >> oh, but I play lots of games -- patty cake and 73 00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,221 Marco polo -- >> oh, yeah! 74 00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:18,490 Insult my parents! [ moans ] oh, yeah! 75 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:21,226 >> whoa! Today we are going to learn 76 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:25,130 About the number 3. I have three apples. 77 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:28,433 >> and I know three girls who were date-raped at the same bar 78 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,602 On sixth street. >> that is sad. 79 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,939 [ chomp! ] uh...You're eating my props. 80 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,775 >> I'm proud of my body. >> I know. I know. 81 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,976 >> [ groans ] yeah! 82 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,145 >> oh, god! >> yeah! 83 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:45,150 >> [ laughs ] yeah! 84 00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:49,521 [ tires screech ] >> [bleep] jerry, man. 85 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:53,191 That guy is always straight-up killing it. 86 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,360 >> and now back to "indian love boat." 87 00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,629 >> siva will marry my uncle jarish, for he has paid 88 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,498 Her dowry. And, ravi, you will marry the 89 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,300 10-year-old daughter of your neighbor. 90 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,969 >> but I have already known ravi's touch! 91 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,305 >> you whore! >> I have shamed my family! 92 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:09,875 >> ¶ the indian love boat ¶ 93 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,209 [ fog horn blows ] 94 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,211 ¶ was this sketch progressive or 95 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,880 Racist? ¶ 96 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,883 ¶ the indian love boat ¶ 97 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:20,052 ¶ I wrote it, and frankly I'm 98 00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,720 Not sure ¶ 99 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,623 ¶ the indian love boat ¶ 100 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:28,794 ¶ could I show this to an indian friend? ¶ 101 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,697 ¶ the indian love boat ¶ [ elephant trumpets ] 102 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,366 ¶ maybe it's best to just move 103 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,601 On ¶ 104 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:41,673 >> in 1998, two twins met and reunited their mom and dad in... 105 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:45,110 >> both: A parent trap! >> now we find out how it all 106 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,179 Began... >> I want a divorce! 107 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,081 >> thank god! >> ...With two little 108 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:50,716 Complications... >> you're pregnant. 109 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,317 >> both: Aw [bleep] >> with twins. 110 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,252 >> both: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 111 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,321 >> ...And only one solution. >> what? 112 00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,256 You want to split up twin sisters? 113 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,459 You understand that children are not like monetary possessions. 114 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:03,695 >> I do not, your honor! >> neither do I! 115 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,364 >> okay, I'll allow it. 116 00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:11,570 >> you go back to England with yours. 117 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,406 >> and you stay here with yours. >> both: And we never let them 118 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:17,743 Know the other exists. [ clap! ] 119 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,912 >> sometimes happy endings have truly horrifying, glossed-over 120 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,115 Beginnings! >> [ laughing ] bye forever! 121 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:27,452 >> ideally! >> it's good to be back. 122 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:31,123 Cool, man. Where's my food? 123 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:33,859 >> oh, it's over there. Yeah, it's on the filthy ground 124 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:36,962 Now, 'cause we hear that you eat food off the filthy ground now. 125 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:41,266 [bleep] savage. >> and we are in month three of 126 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:45,804 Overtime as the puck is still stuck under player 12's foot. 127 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,306 [ knock on door ] >> oh, goodie! 128 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,976 The whore I ordered. Oh! 129 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,879 >> hello, mr. Franklin! Oh, if only there was a way I 130 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,248 Could see more of her body and less of that face. 131 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,949 Oh, well. It's not like they make glasses 132 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,152 With two different types of lenses. 133 00:07:00,154 --> 00:07:02,721 Hmm... >> and it was on that night that 134 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,490 Benjamin franklin came up with one of his most famous 135 00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:08,059 Inventions. >> there...Should be a...Postal 136 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,528 Service! >> oh, yeah! 137 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,364 >> [ moans ] >> ugh, bruce! 138 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:15,066 All we've done since we got to florence is sit at different 139 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,569 Cafés and wait for alfred to randomly walk in. 140 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,305 >> listen, selina, I know alfred goes to some café along the 141 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,808 Arno, I just don't know which one, okay?! 142 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,043 >> can't you just tell him you're alive in an e-mail? 143 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:28,213 This is my fifth espresso today. I am about to shit myself! 144 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:31,383 >> selina, if you can just be cool, like, for once, this has 145 00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,852 The potential to be such an epic and awesome moment! 146 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,388 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god! 147 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:38,089 Shut the [bleep] up. He's here! Just look cool! 148 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,091 [ dramatic music plays ] 149 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,767 >> that was it? [ farting ] 150 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:51,603 Aah! I told you! God damn it, selina! 151 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,872 >> [ italian accent ] hey, is that-a bruce wayne? 152 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,174 He's alive! >> son of a bitch. 153 00:07:56,176 --> 00:08:00,779 >> ch-ch-ch-cheese!! Crikey! 154 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,982 Tastes like someone cranked off on me gums! 155 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,318 >> monterey! That's my vegan cheese! 156 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,689 >> call it cheese one more time. I dare you, sweetheart. 157 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:16,361 I [bleep] dare you!! >> you won the day, but I'll get 158 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:19,998 You next time, gadget! [ telephone rings ] 159 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,801 >> yes? >> hi, is this dr. Claw? 160 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,769 >> yes. >> yeah, hey, dr. Claw. 161 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,239 So, my name is nev. I'm actually a friend of 162 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:30,342 Inspector gadget, and he tells me that you guys have been in 163 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,144 Some kind of death struggle for about 10 years now? 164 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,547 >> [ groans ] that's right. 165 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,916 >> and you've never met. >> I'm shy. 166 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,353 >> so, this is weird, but I make a show for mtv called "catfish," 167 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:45,891 And I'd like to set up a meeting with you and inspector gadget. 168 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,393 >> I guess. Sure. 169 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,062 >> are you ready for this? >> to meet the man who's plotted 170 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,665 In secret to destroy my life, all because you offered us a 171 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,102 Chance to be on television? It makes perfect sense! 172 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,404 My brain's been replaced with a boxing glove. 173 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,805 [ door opens ] >> hold on. 174 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:04,543 >> my name is regina claw. And I've been trying to kill you 175 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:08,380 Because I'm in love with you. >> go, go, gadget closure! 176 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:12,217 [ both crying ] my enemy, my friend. 177 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,819 >> hi, I'm nev. A couple years ago, I fell in 178 00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:17,222 Love online. She wasn't who I thought she 179 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,792 Was, so I called her a catfish, the most disgusting fish in the 180 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,895 Sea on a national stage. And now I'm helping other people 181 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,898 Find their catfish, which is a super-complicated thing that 182 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,768 Takes way too long to explain. So, let me get this straight. 183 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,270 Some charlie guy has been sending you on missions for the 184 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,472 Last five years, but you guys have never met him? 185 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,976 >> it's a fun mystery. >> I'm afraid charlie might be a 186 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,478 Catfish. >> and...What's that again? 187 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,814 >> so, they used to transport cod across the atlantic and -- 188 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,050 Look, it actually makes a lot less sense if I explain it. 189 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,552 Charlie, can you come out here, please? 190 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:50,422 >> all: Charlie?! >> you're the one who sent us on 191 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,592 Missions where we had to wear bikinis and sleep with men and 192 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:57,228 Then tell you every detail? Oh, this makes perfect sense. 193 00:09:57,230 --> 00:10:01,066 >> so...Which one of us is the catfish now? 194 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:05,403 >> make it 40 cubits high, noah! >> I will, god! 195 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,872 >> noah, come on. You've been building this ark 196 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,008 For years, but have you ever met god? 197 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,544 >> no one looks upon the glory of god. 198 00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:15,280 >> oh, boy. I'm sorry, noah. This isn't an ark. 199 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,049 It's a fishing boat. And you just caught a catfish. 200 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,051 God? >> sorry, man, I just -- 201 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,721 [ clears throat ] I just -- I really needed a 202 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,789 Boat. >> you've changed my life, 203 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,691 Catfish. My name's not catfish. 204 00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,526 "catfish" is the name of the show. 205 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:32,864 >> oh, really? >> [ screeches ] 206 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,867 [ both grunting ] >> [ screeching ] 207 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,605 >> ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 208 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:41,773 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 209 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,308 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk 210 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:43,975 Bawk bawk ¶ 211 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:44,976 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 212 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,977 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 213 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,579 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk 214 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:48,279 Bawk bawk ¶ 215 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,280 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 216 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,281 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 217 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,549 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk 218 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:52,117 Bawk bawk ¶ 219 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,619 Ba-gawk! Bawk.