1 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,941 [ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ] 2 00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,943 [ sawing ] 3 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:19,852 [ electricity crackles ] >> it's alive! 4 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,531 [ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ] 5 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,834 [ smooch! ] [ laughs evilly ] 6 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:42,408 >> robeast, dead ahead! Better form voltron! 7 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:48,347 [ energy crackling ] >> [ lisping ] hey, guys! 8 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:51,550 Mind if I get in on this action? >> uh, this isn't really that 9 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,519 Kind of party, pink lion. [ energy crackling ] 10 00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:57,189 Aw, damn it. Pink lion! >> okay, guys, I'm backing up! 11 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,825 [ beep! Beep! Beep! ] >> uh, uh, uh, negative, 12 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,627 Pink lion. [ thunk! ] 13 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:04,630 >> [ roars ] >> never mind that! 14 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,699 Eyes up here, robeast! >> this is it! It's go -- oh, 15 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,169 No! >> I haven't even had sex ed in 16 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,671 School yet! >> all right! We lured him in! 17 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,441 Launching acidic plasma! [ splat! ] 18 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,745 >> [ roars ] >> we've all been there, buddy. 19 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:23,048 >> to give you a better sense of what being on a slave ship would 20 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:26,118 Have been like, everyone lie down on the floor so I can duct 21 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,020 Tape your hands and feet together. 22 00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:32,324 Then, I'm going to choose five of you to be the slave masters. 23 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:49,374 >> [ barking ] >> dad! 24 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:52,511 Dad! >> aaaaaaaaaaaah! 25 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,746 Unh! >> dad! 26 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:57,916 >> no, clark. Stay back. Aaah! 27 00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:02,754 Whoa! >> dad! 28 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:07,326 >> whaaaa! Whoa! 29 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,962 >> [ growls ] >> ah, shit, a [bleep] bear?! 30 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:13,232 Ow, it's got my head! Clark, get the hell over here! 31 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,135 No, no. Go back! You can't -- ahhh! [bleep] 32 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:19,872 Come back. Come rescue me! This bear is deep into my skull! 33 00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:22,608 No, clark. Don't listen to me. I'm not thinking straight! 34 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,577 Aaaah! >> [ sighs ] 35 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,847 >> this was the only way, clark. People can't know that you have 36 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,416 Superpowers. [ crowd murmurs ] 37 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,585 Aw, damn. My bad, clark! 38 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,224 >> it's time for my check-up, bones. 39 00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:41,126 Let's make this fast. >> sorry, jim. 40 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,995 Starfleet just handed me the orders. 41 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,497 I'm to give every male crew member a prostate exam. 42 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,399 >> fine. Which one of these gizmos do 43 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,468 I...Blow? >> I have to insert my finger 44 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,404 Into your rectum and examine the prostate gland. 45 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:55,207 >> this...Isn't fair. >> it's routine, jim. 46 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,676 >> I was talking about your walnut-sized knuckles. 47 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,345 I'm going to get hollowed out. >> are you ready, jim? 48 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:04,583 >> just go, bones. Boldly go. >> where no man has gone 49 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,618 Before. >> not while I was sober. 50 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,853 [ splat! ] gaaaaaah! 51 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,355 >> don't be nervous, spock. >> "nervous," doctor? 52 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,291 Vulcans are not emotional. [ splat! ] 53 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,359 Ah, god! Do you trim your fingernails?! 54 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,428 [bleep] it! [ gasps ] 55 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:19,798 >> aye, mommy, if you can see me from heaven, shut your eyes. 56 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,301 I'll be with you soon. >> damn it, scotty! 57 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:25,070 It's a rectal examination, not an execution! 58 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:28,707 >> [ crying ] aye, it is, bones -- a butt execution. 59 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,108 [ splat! ] aaaah! 60 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,477 Who's around to beam up old scotty? 61 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:36,048 >> if you feel any discomfort -- >> this ain't my first rodeo, 62 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,983 Doc. Mount up. 63 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,485 [ splat! ] bush league. 64 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,321 >> so, uh... >> [ crying ] 65 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:47,292 >> so. >> captain's log. Stardate 4725. 66 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:52,631 Mccoy...Touched my...Butthole. >> after "the bell jar," I 67 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,666 Cannot seem to write another word. 68 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,702 I, sylvia plath, must end it all. 69 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,737 There, that should be hot enough. 70 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,305 [ foosh! ] aaaaaaaah! 71 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,609 Oh, goodness, that's painful! How do people do this?! 72 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:04,643 [ foosh! ] aaaaaaaaah! 73 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:07,412 Oh, my god. Oh, my [bleep] god. Okay. Okay. Don't puss out. 74 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,481 This is a time-tested way to kill oneself. 75 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,749 Trust the process. [ foosh! ] 76 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,417 Aaaaaaaaaaaah! [bleep] this! 77 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,787 "the bell jar 2: A good bell to jar hard." 78 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,489 [ ding! ] writing sure is a lot easier 79 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,692 When the alternative is sticking your head in the [bleep] oven. 80 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,961 >> I really don't think this is going to work, your grace. 81 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:28,734 >> well, he [bleep] the queen, so hang that giraffe! 82 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:32,871 >> category 5 kaiju approaching. All pilots report to jeagers 83 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,906 Now! >> first, we drift our memories 84 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,675 Together. Then we fight. Got it? 85 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,410 >> not really. >> let's just gloss over this 86 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,312 Part and hope the monster fights are cool, all right? 87 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:43,181 Let's do it. [ clank! ] 88 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,350 >> this is incredible. Your whole life, laid out in 89 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,685 Front of me. >> [ yipping ] 90 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,387 >> you stupid [bleep] dog! I hate you! 91 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,422 >> oh, my god! You abuse your dog?! 92 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,624 >> h-he ate my tv guide! Now focus! 93 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,127 >> [ moaning ] ooooh, yeah. Aaaaah. 94 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:57,529 >> it's okay, dave. E-everyone does it. 95 00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,032 >> but cows in top hats are a st. Olaf tradition! 96 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:02,334 [ laughter ] >> [ strained ] rose, you're so 97 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:03,435 Stupid! [ moans ] 98 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:06,305 >> "golden girls"?! >> the drift goes deep, rookie. 99 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,273 [ toilet flushes ] >> wait, is this one of my 100 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,509 Memories? >> uhhhhhhhh... 101 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,544 [ squeak! ] >> oh, you're sick! 102 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:15,213 >> I've always loved you! >> go eat a toilet sandwich, 103 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:21,053 Freak! [ alarm blares ] 104 00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:23,455 >> [ gasps ] my queen, you -- you son of a 105 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,790 Bitch! >> [ gasps ] 106 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:29,528 >> [ neighs ] >> the escaped animal is a polar 107 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,698 Bear with the ability to survive in the arctic and antarctic. 108 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,934 It exhibits massive mood swings like that of a manic-depressive 109 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,870 And has equal sexual desires for both males and females. 110 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,473 >> dear god, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting? 111 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:45,811 >> that's right. A bi-polar, bipolar, bi polar 112 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:49,147 Bear. >> that is very stupid. 113 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:52,751 [ ticking ] >> time travel has not been 114 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:53,985 Invented yet... [ gun cocks ] 115 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:57,823 ...But in 30 years, it will be. [ gunshot ] 116 00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:01,727 In the future, tv networks don't awwow cartoons to have guns, so 117 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:05,664 If they want to kill someone, they send them back here to me. 118 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:12,704 My name is elmer fudd, and I'm a wooper. 119 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:17,442 The only wule is never let your target escape, even if your 120 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:22,180 Target...Is you. >> what are you waiting for? 121 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,782 Shoot me! >> what?! 122 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,952 >> in the future, they don't let me have a gun! 123 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,888 That was my one dimension as a character! 124 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,692 Know what I did yesterday? I slept for 15 hours and then 125 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:37,329 Beat it to a weader's digest! Help me! 126 00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:40,499 >> I can't. >> come on. Give it to me. 127 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:46,972 [ crying ] pleeeeeeease. >> I'll have what he's having. 128 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,341 [ gunshot ] >> blee-- blee-- blee-- 129 00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:52,043 That's all, folks! [ gunshot ] 130 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,312 >> can I listen to this tape in teddy ruxpin, mommy? 131 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,081 >> of course, jessie. [ tape clicking ] 132 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,849 >> do I wish I could just leave my wife? 133 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,651 Yes. If she'd take jessie with her 134 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,920 And get out of my life, that would be ideal. 135 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,990 I just don't see that happening. Sometimes I just think murder is 136 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,692 The only option. >> honey, I'm missing the tape 137 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,662 From my therapy session. Oh, shit. 138 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,731 >> my wife, melissa, and I have decided to adopt. 139 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,900 >> that's wonderful. Why don't I bring out the first 140 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,301 Child? Annie? 141 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:20,639 >> I'm little orphan annie! Leapin' lizards, I sure am cute! 142 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,408 >> how adorable. >> and this is 143 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:27,245 Pippi longstocking! >> I'm pippi longstocking! 144 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,816 Gee whiz, I sure am cute! >> you sure are, pippi! 145 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:33,718 Let's do our dance for them! 146 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:42,427 >> pippi longstocking is one of annie's multiple personalities. 147 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:45,597 She's had a hard-knock life. You know, uh...Sex slavery. 148 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,867 >> are all her personalities plucky singing orphans? 149 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:52,003 >> she's not that creative. >> my daddy's a pirate! 150 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,572 >> sure, he is. He's not. 151 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,607 >> [ english accent ] hello. I'm harry potter. 152 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:58,276 >> this poor dear's parents were killed in front of him, and his 153 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,712 Aunt and uncle kept him in a cupboard until child services 154 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,647 Came. Uh, you should know he has night 155 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,216 Terrors. >> a lot of kids have 156 00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:06,151 Nightmares. >> well, I'm a wizard, so my 157 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,687 Night terrors manifest themselves into actual creatures 158 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,689 That try to claw me to death in my sleep. 159 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,757 Ha. >> what else is on the table? 160 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:15,193 >> I'm oliver twist! ¶ food is great ¶ 161 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,062 ¶ another helping would be swell ¶ 162 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,997 ¶ I'm poor ¶ >> go to bed, annie. 163 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,132 >> where is the love? >> are you my mommy?! 164 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:24,436 >> oh, say hello to bruce wayne. His parents were killed in front 165 00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:26,471 Of him, too. >> my favorite story is 166 00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:30,375 "goodnight moon." remember to do the voices. 167 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:33,745 >> yes, he-man is nigh unbeatable now, but what if we 168 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:37,749 Use this spell to travel back in time and kill his mother before 169 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:41,119 He is born?! [ panting ] 170 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,221 Well? >> I've stopped pretending my 171 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,823 Opinion is taken into consideration. 172 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,125 >> yeah, well, you're right. We're traveling back in time 173 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,494 To kill he-man's mother and -- beep beep beep beep ba-boop 174 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,096 Boop. This just in -- I don't give a 175 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:57,435 Shit what you think about it. >> want to get some hot wings? 176 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:02,207 [ energy crackles ] >> ha ha! 177 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,342 The perfect plan! Aaah! 178 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,478 Is that a berry blue jelly belly? 179 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,647 Oh, no, man, no! That's my dick! 180 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,683 My body's gone back in time, as well! 181 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,852 Beast man? Beast man? 182 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:17,422 >> they call these hot? I-I should have ordered the 183 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,491 Atomic! >> we ordered the mild. 184 00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,826 >> [bleep] you we ordered the mild! 185 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:27,098 Can I drink your blue cheese?! >> ah, what did I do to deserve 186 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,467 This?! How am I going to kill he-man's 187 00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:32,337 Mom now?! >> is that a baby alone in the 188 00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,573 Street? >> wait, perhaps I can use my 189 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:37,509 Diminutive stature to my advantage. 190 00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:41,112 Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! >> dear god! 191 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,415 A wild dog bit this baby's face off! 192 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,585 >> I'm a widdle baby! >> it's still alive in defiance 193 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,254 Of nature itself! Kill it! Kill it! 194 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,023 >> no one stomps a baby in king randor's kingdom! 195 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,159 Whoa! >> [ weakly ] wuv me. 196 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:57,462 >> sorry, everyone. Carry on. Ah, they're gone. 197 00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,198 >> what luck! He-man's father will take me 198 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,934 To his wife! I'll smother her in her sleep 199 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:07,038 And be a hero... To myself, not to society or 200 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,174 God, natch. [ cellphone rings, beeps ] 201 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:12,277 >> whoops, sorry, little buddy. Got to make a quick detour. 202 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,980 And, uh, what say we keep this a secret from old 203 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:19,050 Mrs. Randor? >> so, king randor has a piece 204 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,785 On the side. Well, that's cool. 205 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:23,121 You know, I get it. But what if this woman is 206 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,257 He-man's mother? No, this won't do at all! 207 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:31,630 [ beep! Beep! Beep! ] now, let's get a look at this 208 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,264 Harpy! Mom?! 209 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:39,437 That means king randor was my father, which means...Noooooo! 210 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:45,710 Avenge me, beast man! Avenge me! 211 00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:46,911 >> wet nap? >> wet nap?! 212 00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,480 I'm gonna have to shave this out! 213 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,248 >> oh, first time eating buffalo wings? 214 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:54,386 >> ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 215 00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,521 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ¶ 216 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,657 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 217 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,825 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ¶ 218 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,028 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶ 219 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,230 ¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ¶ 220 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,132 Ba-gawk! Bawk.