1 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,941 [ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ] 2 00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,943 [ sawing ] 3 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:19,852 [ electricity crackles ] >> it's alive! 4 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,531 [ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ] 5 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,834 [ smooch! ] [ laughs evilly ] 6 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:42,341 >> if you build it, he will come. 7 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:45,144 >> there. All finished. I built it. 8 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:54,686 >> [ moaning passionately ] ahhhhh. 9 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:59,458 Yeah. Thank you. 10 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:03,362 >> tonight on "wife swap," meet rebecca glint -- stay-at-home 11 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,065 Mother of five, married to a factory worker. 12 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:09,201 Meet sue storm -- member of the fantastic four, constantly 13 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:12,538 Balancing work and her marriage to mr. Fantastic. 14 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,307 Find out how two different women handle having their lives 15 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,876 Flipped upside down in "wife swap"! 16 00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,845 >> I have to make dinner every night? 17 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,247 Oh, wow. What did I sign up for? 18 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,617 >> let's check in on rebecca. >> die, pitiful fools! 19 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,653 >> not today, doom! >> [bleep] no! 20 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,321 I call bad swap! Aah! 21 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,990 >> oh, shit! >> and back at the glint house, 22 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,093 Sue was starting to connect with the kids. 23 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,328 >> oh, cooooool! [ telephone rings ] 24 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,330 >> yello? Yes, this is her husband. 25 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,365 She -- she what? No. 26 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,568 Oh, god, no. No, no... 27 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,169 >> how could you allow this to happen? 28 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:45,804 >> it was a part of the show's premise. 29 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,507 What was I supposed to do? >> oh, I don't know. 30 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:52,611 Maybe not pit a housewife against the power of doom? 31 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,614 >> meanwhile, sue was starting to gain some perspective. 32 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,016 >> a husband that doesn't help clean the dishes? 33 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,720 How does rebecca do it? [ all crying ] 34 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,823 >> after two long days, it was time to go back to their normal 35 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,226 Lives but not without learning a few things. 36 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:10,362 >> I'll tell you one thing, I now appreciate a husband that'll 37 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,664 Wash the dishes. >> guilty! 38 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,733 >> rebecca's husband refused to take part in the follow-up 39 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,302 Interview. >> and now the first person to 40 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,204 Ever get tired. >> oh, no. 41 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,773 Oh, no, I'm dying! I'm dying... 42 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,408 [ yawns ] I'm dying. 43 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:28,147 [ moaning ] oh. 44 00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:31,750 Oh, cool. >> we are the guardians! 45 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,419 Tooth fairy, easter bunny, sandman. 46 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,256 We will exist as long as the children of the world believe 47 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,857 In us! >> oh, no! 48 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,994 You've betrayed me, children! >> huh. 49 00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:45,164 Guess that's about right. Santa, who's that? 50 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:48,267 >> oh, this is zwarte piet. He's a widely celebrated figure 51 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,335 In the netherlands. And my servant. 52 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,805 >> in dutch, zwarte means black! My name is black pete! 53 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,241 >> that's horrible. >> kids and parents in the 54 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:59,278 Netherlands dress up as me in blackface on christmas! 55 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,314 In 2014! Look it up! 56 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,516 >> santa, are you a racist? >> what? 57 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,652 I just believe in tradition. >> yep, that's what a racist 58 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,253 Would say. >> yeah, you're absolutely a 59 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,289 Racist. >> [ sighs ] 60 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,691 The dutch really need to get their shit together. 61 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,694 >> we have legal weed! >> so does colorado, but they 62 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:19,798 Don't force kids into blackface! >> you sure these new barracks 63 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,533 Are fit for the barnyard commandos, 64 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:24,036 Private side o'bacon? >> yes, sir, general lardo. 65 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:27,339 It's where our new farmer, tyson foods, told us to report. 66 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,575 Oh, you bastards! At least give me a soldier's 67 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,044 Dea-- ohh! >> you sure you want to do a 68 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,879 Movie, tiger? >> I want to be beloved again, 69 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,215 Like before I had sex with all those waitresses from ihop. 70 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,483 Jordan did "space jam." I want my "space jam." 71 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:41,453 >> well, studios aren't lining up to lend their characters to a 72 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:44,223 Tiger woods movie. Everyone aggressively passed 73 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,525 Except dic, but I cannot recommend that -- 74 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:49,861 >> ♪ welcome to the golf jam ♪ >> time for a day of playing 75 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,964 Golf and being faithful to my girlfriend. 76 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:55,934 Wha-- wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa!! 77 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,170 Ow! >> welcome to dic-land, tiger. 78 00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,739 >> why, hi, garfield. >> I'm heathcliff. 79 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,308 I'm more romantic and have an accent. 80 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,811 >> this is cleo. >> we need your help, tiger. 81 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,080 >> I want to put my penis in you. 82 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:11,116 I mean, I love my girlfriend. >> we brought you here because 83 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,119 The evil dorkpucks challenged us to a game of golf. 84 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,588 >> I want to hump your face. I mean, help your face -- help 85 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,823 You -- I will help you. 86 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,726 >> let's tee off, dic-heads! 87 00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,641 >> if you sink this putt, we win! 88 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,776 >> wish me luck, bobby brown. >> bobby brown? 89 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,579 I'm hammerman! I'm m.C. Hammer, except not, and 90 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:43,181 I have magic shoes. >> you know, I don't even know 91 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,951 If I want to save you dics. You're just uninspired rehashes 92 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,687 Of good ideas. Seriously, how cheap is dic? 93 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,023 This is a movie, and you all look like you were drawn on a 94 00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:52,624 Napkin. >> win the game and I'll blow 95 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,628 You. [ cheers and applause ] 96 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,702 >> ♪ everybody tee off ♪ ♪ get a club in your hands ♪ 97 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:07,172 ♪ charisma-free sex addict ♪ ♪ savin' dic-land ♪ 98 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:12,044 ♪ welcome to the golf jam ♪ >> thank you, house stark, for 99 00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:15,747 Agreeing to the wedding of edmure and roslin. 100 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,350 >> wow! This is great! This is my first gig with you 101 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:21,153 Guys and we're playing for walder frey and robb stark! 102 00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:23,355 >> next up, "the rains of castamere." 103 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,991 >> isn't that kind of a downer? It's like, "congrats on your 104 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,492 Marriage. Here's a song about the 105 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,227 Lannisters slaughtering their enemies." 106 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:31,463 >> just be glad they didn't request "the chicken dance." 107 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:34,366 1, 2, 3, 4. [ "the rains of castamere" 108 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:38,870 Plays ] [ music stops ] 109 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,640 >> I owe my new queen a wedding gift. 110 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:45,177 >> aw, that's sweet. >> aah! Aah! 111 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:48,613 >> holy lord of [bleep] light! You're archers?! 112 00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,916 I thought you were all about the music, man! 113 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,485 What are you doing?! Those people could book us for 114 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,887 Future gigs! Think about word of mouth! 115 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,890 Okay. Okay, jaxon. That's the thing about playing 116 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,659 Weddings. Always be ready to adapt the 117 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,961 Set. How do you play this thing? 118 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,698 >> aah! >> that was the man who hired 119 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,101 Us. >> we're taking five! 120 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,805 >> sky commander rex kling, locked and ready to protect the 121 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,441 High frontier! >> you sure that angle is steep 122 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:19,144 Enough for proper velocity? No offense, but your jumpsuit is 123 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,213 Starting to look like cheap sausage casing. 124 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,982 >> your sister doesn't think so. >> I'm an only child, fat guy. 125 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,318 >> then same thing, but with your mom. 126 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,621 Yeehaw! Sky commanding your mom! 127 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:36,661 Little help? Maybe send another sky commander 128 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:40,699 Down the line to give me a push? Okay, heh. 129 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:45,370 Another three sky commanders? Ooh! A rescue pack! 130 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:49,241 Fat-free snackwells? Ha ha. 131 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:52,844 Real funny, guys! But the joke's on you! 132 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,747 I love snackw-- damn it! 133 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,383 Oh, this just isn't my day. 134 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:04,156 Aaaaaaaaah! >> I'm glad we're checking out 135 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,158 This new pirate-themed restaurant. 136 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,728 [ indistinct shouting ] >> we'll return your kids for 137 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,931 $1 million! Try the fish. 138 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,867 >> the somalian pirates! So cool! 139 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,670 >> murphy, every officer needs to do community outreach. 140 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,872 Now you're in charge of midland elementary's d.A.R.E. 141 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,374 Program. >> copy. 142 00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,376 Did every student receive a worksheet? 143 00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,411 >> together: Yes, officer murphy. 144 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,281 >> drug use is -- you do not have a worksheet. 145 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,750 >> she can have mine. >> now you do not have a 146 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,785 Worksheet. Every student must have a 147 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,354 Worksheet. My instructor's kit contains 148 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,257 Additional worksheets. Now every student has a 149 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,560 Worksheet. >> stop saying "worksheet"! 150 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,796 >> this is a worksheet. Since I am holding a worksheet, 151 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,332 That means one student is without a worksheet. 152 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,700 >> I'm done! >> negative. 153 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:52,070 Your worksheet must be completed after the presentation. 154 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:55,740 Invalid worksheet. You require a new worksheet. 155 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,777 Is that a worksheet? This is a worksheet. 156 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:01,179 Another student is without a worksheet. 157 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,315 Who is currently without a worksheet? 158 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,217 >> oh, my god! I will pay you to stop saying 159 00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:06,952 Worksheet! >> murphy, how was your first 160 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,688 Day? >> all those kids started using 161 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,257 Drugs. >> bloody mary. 162 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,159 Bloody mary. Bloody mary. 163 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,928 >> ooooooh! Let me try! 164 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:20,799 Candyman! Candyman! Candyman! >> get a load of this. 165 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,134 Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice! 166 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,203 >> yeah! Oh, yeah, you really wanna 167 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:28,907 See somethin'? God! God! God! 168 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,543 See? That's what I've been sayin'! 169 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:34,379 That is what I been sayin'! >> guess who lost their 170 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,348 Butt-virginity at traci's party last night! 171 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,750 >> yasmin! I texted you that in secret! 172 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,586 >> oh, my gosh, guys! Trevor just sent me a pic! 173 00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:44,589 >> of his dreamy eyes? >> of his dreamy abs? 174 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,958 >> of taking jade's butt-virginity. 175 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,361 >> uh, who the [bleep] is driving right now? 176 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:52,097 >> no idea. >> together: Sasha! 177 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:56,167 [ all screaming ] >> o-m-f-g, guys, we killed 178 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,837 Somebody's grandma! >> I think it's barbie. 179 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:02,007 >> the bratz killed barbie? >> and not just with market 180 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,575 Share this time. Hey-o! 181 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,176 >> true that. >> good one. 182 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:08,680 >> we got to hide the body, you guys. 183 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,482 >> welcome to your new dream house. 184 00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,584 >> rest in peace, bitch see ya. 185 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,486 [ tires screeching ] 186 00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:22,460 >> don't forget to take your medication! 187 00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:25,196 I'll never understand why you girls infected yourselves with 188 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,899 Encephalitis! >> because freakishly large 189 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,369 Heads are sexy, mom! Duh! 190 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,905 No! Nooooo! Aah! 191 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,542 >> [ laughs evilly ] >> my encephalitis! 192 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,645 I need my medication! I need m-- 193 00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:44,149 >> guess I blew her mind! Oh! Oh, crap! 194 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:48,787 I'm definitely going to be sick. >> cool! New tattoos. 195 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,756 "you only live once." that's deep. 196 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,593 >> let's test that theory, bitch. 197 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,995 >> ohh! Ow! 198 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,563 [ slurring ] what did you do to me? 199 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:02,067 >> I extracted every ounce of ass fat from that wang warmer 200 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,669 You call a mouth! >> noooo! Muh lips! 201 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:07,472 >> huh. Actually, you look way better, 202 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,775 Like a real human girl. >> I'm ugly! 203 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,478 Aah! [ body thuds ] >> huh. Six of one. 204 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,581 [ doorbell rings ] >> hello? 205 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,883 >> what? I ran out of ideas. 206 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,386 >> barbie's body is gone! She's not dead! 207 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:25,056 She's taking her revenge! What are you waiting for, you 208 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:29,661 Old pink bitch?! [ tires screeching ] 209 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:32,764 >> could it be? Monster high has killed bratz 210 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:35,266 The same way bratz once killed barbie? 211 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,302 Poetic justice! [ laughs ] 212 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,171 >> draculaura? But...I thought...The killer... 213 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,374 Was barbie. Her body... 214 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:44,676 >> barbie? You're at the wrong mile marker. 215 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:49,047 Barbie's body is up there. [ bears growling, grunting ] 216 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,349 >> please...I'll give you anything. 217 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,452 >> silly bratz. I've already taken everything 218 00:10:54,454 --> 00:11:00,291 You have. >> except...My butt-virginity. 219 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:04,429 >> maestro, I'm gonna need a little butt-virginity music. 220 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,932 >> ♪ everybody tee off ♪ ♪ get a club in your hands ♪ 221 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:11,403 ♪ charisma-free sex addict ♪ ♪ savin' dic-land ♪ 222 00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:14,606 ♪ welcome to the golf jam ♪ 223 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,381 >> aah!