[ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ]
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ] >> it's alive!
[ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ]
[ smooch! ] [ laughs evilly ]
>> captain von trapp, the hills are alive!
>> with the sound of music. Yes, maria, I know.
>> no, you fool! The hills are alive!
[ both growling ] >> autobots, we must defeat
Megatron. [ fanfare plays ]
>> we are the zybots! We can also transform.
Let us help you fight. >> uh...
Brave zybots, I am 100% sure you would die.
>> okay! Well, thanks for your time.
>> that was just sad. >> whew! Sorry I'm late.
>> uh, who are you? >> I'm -- I'm an -- I'm an
Autobot like you. My name is autobot...Johnson.
>> you look exactly like the zybots we just spoke to hastily
Cobbled together to form a bigger, weirder zybot.
>> uh, okay. Who hired this guy?
>> oh, shit! Give me a second here.
Ugh! Just one second! Aah! Ugh!
There. >> if you're an autobot, then
Transform with loud, showy noises.
>> you bet! >> kee-kah! Khwah!
[ all groaning ] >> true talk -- we lied.
But we don't need your permission.
We'll fight megatron all by ourselves.
>> megatron, meet the zybots! >> not the zybots!
>> aah! >> aaaaaaaaah!
>> we did it. We did it!
We did I-I-I-I-t! >> megatron, what the [bleep]
Bro?! >> oh, those guys were cute.
They really looked like they needed a "w."
>> where is he, marjory? >> I don't know what you're
Talking about. >> you've been cheating on me
With one of these?! >> unh! Once you go qr code, you
Never take another barcode load. [ all grunting ]
>> you do realize changing faces has zero relevance to combat,
Right? >> well, my fist is very
Relevant. [ watch beeps ]
Ah, I got to jet, guys. My play is opening tonight!
Rubber baby buggy bumpers. Rubber baby buggy bumpers!
>> I can't believe he's leaving us for his acting bullshit.
>> let's crash his play and yell, "you suck!" at
Inappropriate moments. >> hey, what the [bleep] guys?
Aah! [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] >> [ laughs ]
What a doucheblast. >> though cursed with a
Monster's face, you, catherine -- you've seen the man
Inside. How ironic that they say love is
Blind, because it took love to open my eyes.
[ cheers and applause ] >> he's brilliant!
>> we had no idea you were so talented, man.
>> hi, there. Herb schwartz. You, sir, are gonna be a star.
>> "my husband is also a robot" is filmed before a live studio
Audience. >> steve, it's your night to do
The dishes. >> [ robotic voice ] "dishes"
Does not compute. My directive is to watch
Football. [ wah-wah! ]
>> that stunt you pulled on the subway cost the city $18 million
In damages! Which one of you wants to
Explain what happened?! >> both: Not it!
>> and the best actor oscar goes to man-e-faces for "reaching
Into darkness: The story of helen keller's father,
Arthur keller." >> [ sobbing ] oh, why?!
Why is my daughter's hand wet?! Who put water on my daughter's
Hand?! >> what's next?
Show me the new face. >> but I only have three.
>> what the hell, man? Your name should be
"two-more-faces." >> [ sobbing ] oh, I'm so
[bleep] I signed a 95-picture deal.
>> "mr. Monster goes to fart school" is yet another reheated
Piece of dog crap from man-e-faces.
>> don't get too down. I love "mr. Monster goes to fart
School." >> really?
>> no, man. You fart like a hack.
>> this is bucky o'hare, requesting to land on
Moonport 4-5. One sec. Got to mate again.
[ grunting in distance ] my apologies.
Requesting to land -- whoops. Matin' time.
>> warning. Warning. Warning. [ alarm blaring ]
[ grunting in distance ] [ boom! ]
[ up-tempo music plays ] >> dad, it's your son -- sam!
Dad, why did we leave the electricity running in an arcade
We closed 20 years ago when you disappeared?!
Eh, couldn't hurt. [ whirring ]
Ohh! It does hurt! I was totally wrong!
I'm so stupi-- aaah! Aaah! Aaaah! Ohhh! Ohh.
Wh-where am I? >> you're in the digital world,
Like a game grid but on pcp! I'm koromon, a digimon!
Digivolve me into a little yellow dinosaur and we can --
Aaaaaaaah! >> dad?! Da-a-a-a-d!
[ all murmuring excitedly ] >> sam! Is that really you?
>> did you create this world?! It's amazing!
>> I tried to kill myself, but they won't let me die!
I curse jesus' name, son! I hate god so very, very much!
>> I found you, dad! That's what matters!
>> I had sex with them! Tokomon was the most gentle, but
I say that within the context of it being terrible!
>> shit, dad! That is gross! >> but you're here now!
We can figure a way out together!
>> before I came here, I told the electric company to turn the
Power off! This whole place is about to
De-rez! [ all crying ]
>> son, it is still a sweet release.
At last, I'll know peace. >> ohh!
This isn't peaceful at all! Oh, my god!
>> remember, sex ed is a safe place to ask questions with no
Judgment. Yes?
You have a question, stretch? >> uh, is it normal when you
Touch yourself for your penis to get longer and softer and really
Stringy? Because my friend asked me, and
I was like, "no way, weirdo. Mine's not like that."
Unless that's normal. 'cause, yeah, it's not to me,
Right? Up high!
>> wow! The top of mount everest!
I did it! Whew! I'm just gonna take a little
Break, maybe -- ohhhhhhh! The top of mount everest just
Went up my butt! >> all right! Awesome!
>> patrons of medieval times, your champion, the blue knight!
>> mom, look! Blue knight, you're my hero!
>> why, thank you, squire! All hail the king!
>> all hail the king! >> oh [bleep] me.
I locked my keys in my car. >> hey, you have aaa?
>> no, I don't have aaa! Who the [bleep] do I look like,
Scrooge [bleep] mcduck?! >> just trying to help.
>> oh, oh, oh, good. Good. Well, let me help you.
Why don't you go find a dick -- yeah -- put it in between two
Pieces of bread, and then go [bleep] eat it, you [bleep]
Retard? [ grunts ]
Hey, window, blow me. Ohhh! Ohh! Son of a bitch!
Oh, mother of christ! I just broke my hand!
I don't have health insurance, and I broke my g.D. Hand!
Ahh! There! Ha!
[ grunts ] can't get the [bleep] open!
Ohh. Get off!
Oh, I'm [bleep] wet. [ engine sputters ]
No gas?! Oh [bleep] time to pay it forward,
Butt muffin. [ slurps ]
[ gagging ] oh, that's nasty!
Oh, I just drank some gas! [ hawks phlegm ]
[ splat! ] >> ew, gross!
>> get over yourself, princess!
[ engine turns over, tires screech ]
All hail the king! >> aah!
>> oh, shit. I killed that dude. He's dead.
>> well, guess I'm a red knight fan now, mom.
>> yeah. Call me "daddy." >> no!
>> I was talking to her. >> will it be an early spring or
A late winter? Only punxsutawney phil knows for
Sure. [ rumbling ]
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Get back!
>> it's winter -- a winter like you've never seen!
Run, you fools! >> [ roaring ]
>> what's that, beverly? You want wesley to watch?
Make it so. Aah! [ clears throat ]
2300 hours. Time for the night crew to
Relieve us. Captain.
>> capitán. [ mid-tempo r&b music plays ]
>> ♪ aw, yeah! ♪ >> night crew may take course.
Space -- the final frontier! These are the 11:00 p.M. To
7:00 a.M. Voyages of the enterprise's night crew.
Its continuing mission is... ♪ to partay! ♪
[ up-tempo dance music plays ] [ record scratching ]
>> chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! >> captain jake, a borg cube is
Hailing us. >> maybe they want us to turn
Down our jams. Fat chance!
>> lower your shields. Your culture will adapt to
Service us. >> you want us to service you?
>> affirmative. You will service the borg -- all
Night if needed. >> [ giggles ]
>> wait. Our hive mind has assimilated double entendres.
Real mature, guys. Prepare for assimilation.
>> our shields won't last long, sir.
Should we wake up the bald guy? [ fizz! ]
>> [ gulping ] no way, commander lafreak!
We'll beat the borg just like we beat that frat on gallos-7.
>> we'll sell naked photos of their girlfriends at a
Pie-eating contest? >> what? No!
Like any frat, the borg share a hive mind, man.
If we get one borg to party, all borg will party!
Night crew, prepare to rock out with our spocks out!
[ all cheer ] did somebody order a partygram?
[ up-tempo dance music playing ] [ all cheering ]
[ saxophone plays discordant riff ]
Wet t-shirt contest! Oh, right -- no shirt.
You want mine? Oh, chill out, dude!
Wait -- is she your daughter? >> enough! Partying is futile!
>> [ groaning ] >> your blood, so full of beer.
Your party...So hearty! [ grunting ]
Whoo-hoo! [ all murmuring ]
>> now, this I can assimilate!
>> captain jake, starfleet thanks you for defeating the
Borg. >> bitchin'!
>> night cre-e-e-e-e-e-w! Beer me.
[ laughter ] you glorious sons of bitches!
[ up-tempo dance music plays ]
[ saxophone plays discordant riff ]