[ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ]
[ sawing ]
[ electricity crackles ] >> it's alive!
[ thunder crashes ] >> [ laughs evilly ]
[ smooch! ] [ laughs evilly ]
>> james, sirius, peter -- the moon is out!
I'm...Turning into a werewolf! Aah! Aaaah!
>> don't worry, friend! We'll transform into animals
With you! >> [ howls ]
>> follow him! We have to get somewhere
Isolated! >> hold on. Where's james?
>> okay. That's it. Easy, girl...
>> james! What the hell are you doing?!
>> I'm going to [bleep] this deer.
You know, when in rome... >> what do you mean, "when in
Rome"? >> like, I wouldn't normally
Do shrooms, but if I went to burning man, of course I'd do
Shrooms. >> this isn't shrooms!
It's bestiality! >> no! Bestiality would be if
I were a human [bleep] a deer. But I'm a deer [bleep] a deer.
Now, if you'll excuse me... >> stop it! Stop it!
That's gross! >> oh, come on.
You've never [bleep] a dog? >> [ scoffs ] no!
>> liar! >> okay, I led him far into
The woods where he can't hurt anyone.
>> peter, you [bleep] rats, don't you?
>> ew! No! >> I mean, when you're a rat.
>> oh, yeah, of course. >> gentlemen, are we going to
Bone or what? >> all: Professor mcgonagall?!
>> the female anatomy looks like this.
[ children giggling ] >> come on, guys.
Let's try to be mature here. >> it's pink.
>> but, bruce, there's a party going on!
>> sorry, doll, I need to check on my piano.
I just had it tuned. [ chords play ]
>> have you guys seen bruce wayne's piano?!
>> all right, joker, you can run, but you can't hide.
[ "chopsticks" plays ] uh-oh.
>> and that's just a warm-up. [ piano playing ]
>> crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Who is touching my things?!
Unh! [ all cheering ]
Stop playing the piano! Aah!
I hate bats! And yet they motivate me!
I'm so complicated! Aah!
[ groans ] >> mr. Wayne, what's happening?!
[ both screaming ] >> and now a little something
From my own album! [ guests screaming ]
>> please, I've been walking since July!
I -- I can't get down! Please!
Why won't anyone help me? [ both grunting ]
>> back, beast! Nothing will stop me from
Avenging my family! [ echoing ] family...Family...
Family...
>> [ growls ] [ roars ]
>> whoa, hey! What the hell --
Aah! [ guards shouting ]
>> we doing this?
All right, you [bleep] come and get it!
>> since 1964, the "up" documentary series has been
Following the lives of 14 people every 7 years.
In "7 up," marla was a precocious little girl who
Loved drawing. In "35 up," she was a divorced
Mother working as a waitress. In "84 up," she died. Alone.
In "112 up," a group of scientists stole her brain and
Froze it in a secret government lab.
And now, in "210 up," her brain has been placed in a
Military-grade killdozer to fight invaders from the
Andromeda galaxy. >> fighting aliens is fun and
All, but I'll always regret never becoming an artist.
Someone hungry for a bite of killdozer?!
Aaaaaaaaah! >> take a bite of this juicy
Apple! >> is it organic?
>> I'm not sure what you mean. >> was it made with growth
Hormones? >> I don't think so.
Look, just eat the apple. >> oh, I'm sorry.
I really can't eat this apple unless I know it's free of
Hormones or pesticides. >> oh, that's fair.
Yes, I have the apple's paperwork right here in my...
>> ohh! Ohh! Ow! Ow! Ow!
>> we've crashed into dune's southern desert.
We must get to the rocks. Only there will we be safe from
The giant sandworms. >> they're attracted to the
Sound of our footfalls, right? >> yes, but as long as you walk
Without rhythm, you won't attract the worm.
>> uh, jamal, why don't you hang back and give us a head start?
>> what? I can walk without rhythm.
Watch this! >> look at me! I'm doing it!
Yes, one foot in front of the other, see?
Just makin' my way -- uh-oh. Oh, no. Wait.
H-hold on. [ rumbling ]
Aah! >> jamal!
He died. But, damn, he looked cool
Doing it. >> welcome to
"legends of the hidden temple"! I'm your host, kirk fogg, and
This is olmec, guardian of the temple and its legends.
>> hey, there, kirk. >> olmec and I have been buddies
For a long time, isn't that right, olmec?
[ echoing ] long time.... Long time...
>> doba una nabayuma chuk laka
Olmec. >> he says that he is
Showing you the statue of olmec, the all-powerful god of the
Nabayuma people. >> he will be perfect for our
Children's game show. >> wait. What?
>> aah! [ natives shouting ]
>> all right! Move, move, move! >> slime them!
Slime them all!
[ natives screaming ] olmec? Olmec!
I said, what's today's legend? >> uh, oh!
Uh, sorry, kirk. Today's legend is...
"the necklace of marie curie." >> thank you, olmec!
>> [ sobbing ] >> [ barking ]
>> what's the matter, lassie? >> [ barking ]
>> nope. I ain't coming, girl.
I told him a thousand times to stop playing around that well.
It's dangerous. He'll have to figure something
Out for himself, [bleep] punk kid.
>> [ whines ]
>> lassie! Help! >> ♪ we are the chipmunks ♪
>> October 27, 2013. Salt lake city.
Alvin falls onstage. Word quickly spreads that he
Has, in fact, died. October 29, 2013.
San diego. Alvin is back.
The rumors, it seems, were false.
But in November, a photograph from chipmunks manager
David seville's backyard goes viral.
Pressure mounts. By early December, seville can
No longer dodge the scrutiny. >> I'm surprised nobody called
Me out on this earlier. The chipmunks have been touring
Since 1958. The average life-span of a
Chipmunk is three years. You can do the math.
>> is it true you destroyed the death certificates?
>> there are no death certificates.
They are rodents. >> will you surrender the
Corpses to authorities for full autopsies?
>> again, they are rodents. Legally speaking, I could throw
Them down a well. In fact, I accidentally ran over
One of the simons, and I simply replaced him with a new chipmunk
From the crate of spare chipmunks I keep in the back of
My jeep. [ reporters groan ]
>> my jeep smells awful. [ "chopsticks" plays ]
>> welcome to the princess summit, where we address the
Complex political issues facing our kingdoms.
>> hairstyles! >> talking pets!
>> hairstyles for our talking pets!
>> crabs! I've got crabs.
>> well, isn't that just, um... And where's our newest princess?
>> ach! Sorry I'm late! I killed a boar on the way here.
>> oh, you're so feminist and empowered...
Great. >> 'ey, wee beastie!
Have we got to grievances yet? A bunch of wee dwarves are
Illegally mining me territory! >> oh, merida, you have far
Bigger problems. Let me tell you about them.
>> not a damn song. >> ♪ here's a list of things
To drop ♪ ♪ your accent, bow, that tangled
Mop ♪ ♪ fifteen pounds from off your
Hips ♪ ♪ those ginger afros 'neath your
Pits ♪ ♪ and no prince will want to
Mingle ♪ ♪ with a girl with no hit
Single ♪ >> and your pet's hair is a
Disaster. >> that's me mother!
She's a bear! The trailer was very misleading!
I came here lookin' for justice! Instead, I found treachery.
>> prepare yourself...For war. >> someone finally said it!
See you on the killing fields, round eyes!
>> amen, sister! >> stuck up bitches.
[ bell tolls ] >> ooh, that merida!
I'll show her! Send in my war council!
[ birds chirping ] what shall I do, little one?
Oh, my. Okay, okay, I get it, I get it.
We need weapons! >> I've got a guy.
>> oh! Good idea! We'll fight them with magic.
>> bibbity boppity boo. That's 20 grand.
>> oh, wow. >> do you need thingamabobs?
I've got thingamabobs! >> nobody cares about the dildo
Collection you dredged up from the atlantic, you fishy bitch.
>> [ crying ] [ door slams ]
>> anyone else have cold tits? >> all right, ladies!
Show me what you've got! >> hyah! Hyah!
I finally found the perfect conditioner -- blood!
>> oh, curse these stubby arms! >> you're an alligator.
Be an alligator! >> wait! Don't --
>> oh, I'm so sorry. >> no, no, no. It was a --
It was a good kill. >> not all of us will live to
Wish upon a star tonight, but we give our lives for a greater
Good. >> oh, dear.
I think I'm getting sleepy. I might have to sit this one
Out, guys... >> don't you pull that shit now!
>> just teasing -- unh!
>> bring me the scalp and/or weave of snow white!
Charge! >> I will show you a world of
Death! >> look everyone!
I brought my thingamabob! My weapons-grade thingamabob!
>> oh, you just don't know what words are.
That's your thing. [ beeping ]
>> run away! Run away!
>> ♪ bend over and grab your ankles -- ♪
>> me mother's... A bear...
[ gun cocks ] [ ting! ]
>> ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.