[ whimsical music plays ] >> even on cloudy days,
Pastryville always had a ray of sunshine, and her name was
Granny gramcrackers. Remember when she knit your
Favorite scarf, black cherry pie?
>> I wear it every day, raspberry parfait.
>> and, fudge turnover, remember when she fixed your leaky roof?
>> she got heatstroke and fell into the hedges.
>> while you watched "tango & cash" on netflix!
>> yes. While I watched "tango & cash"
On netflix. >> and, buttermilk biscuits, I
Remember when granny drove you all the way to the big city
To get -- >> no. Nope. Mnh-mnh.
>> ...Your tonsils out? >> yeah -- your unborn tonsils.
>> [ clears throat ] now...Then...If there are no
More speakers...
Great! Then, in conclusion --
[ speed-metal music plays ]
W-we were just wrapping up here, bitch pudding.
[ feedback ]
>> I remember granny. [ voice breaking ] I remember
Her smile. I remember how much she loved
Baking sugar cookies. >> all: Ahh!
>> but most of all, I remember her rank-ass old-lady farts.
[ all gasp ] >> oh, god.
>> this bitch had no sense of smell, no sense of hearing, so
All day long, she was like "pbht!" "pbht!" "pbht!" "pbht!"
"pbht!" "pbhhhhhht--" >> okay. [ chuckles nervously ]
That's enough -- >> and when you're a hundred
Years old, I guess panties are just an afterthought.
I mean, raise your hand if you never saw granny airing out the
Ark of the covenant. [ mourners gasp ]
I hope granny is in heaven, but she had a gambling
Addiction, so satan might be doing her up the butt.
[ mourners gasp ] knock twice if satan's doing
You up the butt, granny. [ old-lady voice ] I love it up
The butt from satan, everybody! [ normal voice ] you rule,
Granny! [ laughs evilly ]
[ thumping ] [ mourners gasp ]
Ha ha! Now hit my [bleep]ing theme
[ heavy-metal music plays ]
[ mourners gasp, murmur ] >> [ clears throat ]
Now, then -- >> ♪ dunh-duh-duh-dunnnnnnh ♪
Bitch puddin'. Blam!
[ video-game music plays ] [ cackling ]
Yeah, suck it. >> you have saved my village!
Aah! >> you mean my village.
[ thunder crashing ] aw!
Unh!
[ groggily ] augh. Where...? >> [ folksy voice ] oh, sounds
Like my cargo just woke up! >> hey!
You're that damn bird that delivers our mail.
>> you bet your feathers. But tonight, I'm gettin' paid to
Make a special delivery.
Neither rain nor sleet nor snow will keep your ass out of that
Volcano. [ laughs ]
Adios, bitch...Pudding. Glurk! Ooh! Aah!
>> you flying turd! Who hired you?
>> [ choking ] you kill me, we both die.
>> good point, jizz cloth. But, on the other hand...
>> ow! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
>> ohhhhhhhh! [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep] ow! Ow!
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep] ow! Oh! Ow! Oh!
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleeeeeeeeeeep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] oh [bleep] [bleep]
Mother[bleep] mother[bleep]
Ow! Ow! [bleep] me!
Oh, god! [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] ow! [bleep]
Ohhh! [bleeeeeeeeeeeeep]
[ magical music plays ] >> who is she?
>> grandpappy will know. >> please, stop talking.
Your voice is irritating as shit!
>> how rude! >> well, she's not wrong.
>> who is that? >> welcome to schlorptown,
Stranger! We are the schlorps.
And my name is grandpappy schlorp.
>> are you in charge of this shithole?
>> you see anyone else with a beard around here?
>> we should schlorp the "get to know you" song!
[ laughter ] >> no.
[ peppy music plays ] >> all: ♪ if you get to know me,
Then I'll get to know you ♪ ♪ once you're in my group,
You're a friend through-and-through ♪
>> ♪ I'm fishing pole schlorp, and I catch all the fish ♪
>> ♪ I'm basketball schlorp ♪ ♪ watch this! ♪
>> all: Swish! >> ♪ I'm I.B.S. Schlorp ♪
♪ you'll find me in the stalls ♪ >> ♪ I'm wintertime schlorp ♪
♪ I'm sweating off my balls ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp who come
From china ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp with a
Vagina ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp who plays
Kazoo ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp who
Knows kung fu ♪ so sorry!
>> all: ♪ so, how about it, stranger ♪
♪ tell us all about you ♪ >> ♪ shut the [bleep] u-u-up! ♪
[ discordant note plays ]
[ stomach growls ] >> oh, god!
I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it.
[ farts, squirts ]
Aw. I didn't make it. >> ow, you old bastard!
>> there you go. Good as new. Ah, schlorpette.
Is that the schlorp nut soup for our guest?
>> yes, but this is the last of our schlorp nuts.
They're all gone. >> aww.
The last of the schlorp nuts. And with winter on its way...
>> [ slurps ] this tastes like moose dick!
[ bowl shatters ] I got to go home!
Some asshole tried to kill me, so that asshole's gonna get my
Boot up his asshole. >> with the schlorp nuts gone,
Our village faces starvation. You see, the nuts were stolen by
The evil squirrel wizard on one tree hill.
>> [ scoffs ] >> it was called that before the
Show. >> this squirrel sounds like a
Pussy. >> then perhaps we can make a
Deal. >> bring our nuts home and we
Help get your butt home. >> [ moans loudly ]
>> who dares disturb the sa-- >> blam!
Haungh, haungh, hungh! Lick my taco, squirrel wizard.
Give those dicks their nuts back!
>> bitch pudding! That's not the squirrel wizard!
>> huh? Who the hell is it? >> trevor? Trevor?!
Oh, my god! Trevor! >> his life partner.
>> yuh-oh. >> rrrrrrrrrrah!
>> aaaaaah! >> squirrel alert!
Squirrel alert! >> rrrrrrrrrgh!
>> ohh! >> suck on this!
Suck on this! Suck on this!
>> ow! Ooh! Ow! >> can't stay. Gotta go. Blam.
>> stay and fight, coward! >> ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai!
>> whew. Safe.
>> [ gurgles ]
>> oh, shit! They're getting massacred.
Who cares about those purple peckers?
They never should have trusted me.
Or... Or helped me?
>> and at that moment, bitch pudding's heart grew
Three sizes bigger. Uh, metaphorically.
You know, you'll just have to take my word for it.
>> die, you miserable schlorps! And when you meet god, slap that
Mother[bleep] in the face, because existence is nothing but
His cruel joke on all of us! >> sorry, spunk sponge!
The schlorps are under my protection!
>> [ coughs ] >> uh...Starting now!
[ action music plays ] >> ooh!
>> blick! >> oh!
[ neck cracks ]
>> aah, trevor!
Punch! Punch!
>> ba-ba-ba-blam! >> unh!
[ sobbing ] trevor! My fuzzy little angel!
Just do it! End me! Use any death spell you choose!
Just say the magic words and end my pain!
>> abracadabra. >> agh!
>> eat shit. >> my schlorps...
Gone. All gone. >> as your champion, a eulogy is
Probably in order. [ clears throat ]
What can be said -- ow!
[ airplane engine whirs ] >> huh? Where? What?
>> on behalf of "[bleep] you airlines," go [bleep] yourself.
>> aaaaaaaaagh! >> oooooh!
Unh! Unh! Unh! I-I...
I'm...Home. What the [bleep]
>> toss bitch pudding in the volcano and win a prize!
>> volcano-fried bitch pudding on a stick.
>> I hate you, bitch puddin'! [ bell dings ]
>> they were all in on it! The whole town tried to kill
Me?! >> ♪ she made our lives a living
Hell ♪ ♪ so nasty and so mean ♪
♪ and when bitch pudding hit the lava ♪
♪ you should have heard her scream ♪
>> the first annual "bitch pudding is dead" festival
Has been a rousing success! For generations to come,
We will -- [ sniffs ]
Hey, guys, do you smell smoke? [ people murmuring ]
[ all screaming ] >> oh, shit!
>> the door won't open! [ pounding on door ]
>> aaaaaaah! All together, now.
>> all: One! Two! Three! Oh! Oh!
[ dramatic music plays ] >> blam.
[ all screaming ]
>> [ moaning ] >> remember when I said I'd
Shoot you last? >> I have absolutely no memory
Of that. >> must have been a fantasy I
Had when I was masturbating. >> [bleep] you, bitch pudding.
[ heavy-metal music plays ]
>> so that's my story. I probably should have done a
Voiceover through the whole thing, but I didn't feel like
It. Now, the only question is...
What does the future hold? >> bitch pudding.
You have become a part of a larger universe.
[ action music plays ]
>> ♪ dunh-duh-duh-dunnnnnnh ♪ blam!
>> what a bitch.