1 00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:06,805 [ whimsical music plays ] >> even on cloudy days, 2 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:11,410 Pastryville always had a ray of sunshine, and her name was 3 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:14,113 Granny gramcrackers. Remember when she knit your 4 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,115 Favorite scarf, black cherry pie? 5 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,550 >> I wear it every day, raspberry parfait. 6 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:22,021 >> and, fudge turnover, remember when she fixed your leaky roof? 7 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:24,356 >> she got heatstroke and fell into the hedges. 8 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,192 >> while you watched "tango & cash" on netflix! 9 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,595 >> yes. While I watched "tango & cash" 10 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,031 On netflix. >> and, buttermilk biscuits, I 11 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,867 Remember when granny drove you all the way to the big city 12 00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:36,902 To get -- >> no. Nope. Mnh-mnh. 13 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:40,906 >> ...Your tonsils out? >> yeah -- your unborn tonsils. 14 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,675 >> [ clears throat ] now...Then...If there are no 15 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:44,910 More speakers... 16 00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,714 Great! Then, in conclusion -- 17 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,716 [ speed-metal music plays ] 18 00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:59,324 W-we were just wrapping up here, bitch pudding. 19 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,326 [ feedback ] 20 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:08,100 >> I remember granny. [ voice breaking ] I remember 21 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:12,671 Her smile. I remember how much she loved 22 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,841 Baking sugar cookies. >> all: Ahh! 23 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:22,147 >> but most of all, I remember her rank-ass old-lady farts. 24 00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:23,682 [ all gasp ] >> oh, god. 25 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,852 >> this bitch had no sense of smell, no sense of hearing, so 26 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:30,122 All day long, she was like "pbht!" "pbht!" "pbht!" "pbht!" 27 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,558 "pbht!" "pbhhhhhht--" >> okay. [ chuckles nervously ] 28 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,660 That's enough -- >> and when you're a hundred 29 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,062 Years old, I guess panties are just an afterthought. 30 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,865 I mean, raise your hand if you never saw granny airing out the 31 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,967 Ark of the covenant. [ mourners gasp ] 32 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:45,938 I hope granny is in heaven, but she had a gambling 33 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,874 Addiction, so satan might be doing her up the butt. 34 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,410 [ mourners gasp ] knock twice if satan's doing 35 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:54,880 You up the butt, granny. [ old-lady voice ] I love it up 36 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:58,450 The butt from satan, everybody! [ normal voice ] you rule, 37 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,685 Granny! [ laughs evilly ] 38 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:00,786 [ thumping ] [ mourners gasp ] 39 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,655 Ha ha! Now hit my [bleep]ing theme 40 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,793 [ heavy-metal music plays ] 41 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:25,410 [ mourners gasp, murmur ] >> [ clears throat ] 42 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,814 Now, then -- >> ♪ dunh-duh-duh-dunnnnnnh ♪ 43 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,250 Bitch puddin'. Blam! 44 00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:38,457 [ video-game music plays ] [ cackling ] 45 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:42,561 Yeah, suck it. >> you have saved my village! 46 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:43,996 Aah! >> you mean my village. 47 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:46,298 [ thunder crashing ] aw! 48 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,074 Unh! 49 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:03,615 [ groggily ] augh. Where...? >> [ folksy voice ] oh, sounds 50 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,417 Like my cargo just woke up! >> hey! 51 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,586 You're that damn bird that delivers our mail. 52 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,289 >> you bet your feathers. But tonight, I'm gettin' paid to 53 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,957 Make a special delivery. 54 00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:17,496 Neither rain nor sleet nor snow will keep your ass out of that 55 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,865 Volcano. [ laughs ] 56 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:23,368 Adios, bitch...Pudding. Glurk! Ooh! Aah! 57 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,571 >> you flying turd! Who hired you? 58 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,106 >> [ choking ] you kill me, we both die. 59 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:32,244 >> good point, jizz cloth. But, on the other hand... 60 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:37,449 >> ow! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! 61 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,851 >> ohhhhhhhh! [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] 62 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,087 [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] ow! Ow! 63 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,590 [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] ow! Oh! Ow! Oh! 64 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,925 [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] 65 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,461 [bleeeeeeeeeeep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] 66 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,263 [bleep] oh [bleep] [bleep] 67 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,065 Mother[bleep] mother[bleep] 68 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,633 Ow! Ow! [bleep] me! 69 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,535 Oh, god! [bleep] [bleep] 70 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:57,736 [bleep] ow! [bleep] 71 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:01,373 Ohhh! [bleeeeeeeeeeeeep] 72 00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:05,811 [ magical music plays ] >> who is she? 73 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,847 >> grandpappy will know. >> please, stop talking. 74 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:12,150 Your voice is irritating as shit! 75 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,120 >> how rude! >> well, she's not wrong. 76 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,789 >> who is that? >> welcome to schlorptown, 77 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,558 Stranger! We are the schlorps. 78 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,526 And my name is grandpappy schlorp. 79 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,695 >> are you in charge of this shithole? 80 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,298 >> you see anyone else with a beard around here? 81 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,067 >> we should schlorp the "get to know you" song! 82 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,836 [ laughter ] >> no. 83 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:34,039 [ peppy music plays ] >> all: ♪ if you get to know me, 84 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,075 Then I'll get to know you ♪ ♪ once you're in my group, 85 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,845 You're a friend through-and-through ♪ 86 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:43,282 >> ♪ I'm fishing pole schlorp, and I catch all the fish ♪ 87 00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,751 >> ♪ I'm basketball schlorp ♪ ♪ watch this! ♪ 88 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,886 >> all: Swish! >> ♪ I'm I.B.S. Schlorp ♪ 89 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,290 ♪ you'll find me in the stalls ♪ >> ♪ I'm wintertime schlorp ♪ 90 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:54,159 ♪ I'm sweating off my balls ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp who come 91 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:55,827 From china ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp with a 92 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,462 Vagina ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp who plays 93 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,864 Kazoo ♪ >> ♪ I'm the schlorp who 94 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,732 Knows kung fu ♪ so sorry! 95 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,834 >> all: ♪ so, how about it, stranger ♪ 96 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:09,474 ♪ tell us all about you ♪ >> ♪ shut the [bleep] u-u-up! ♪ 97 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,076 [ discordant note plays ] 98 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,047 [ stomach growls ] >> oh, god! 99 00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,115 I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. 100 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,484 I'm not gonna make it. [ farts, squirts ] 101 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:22,287 Aw. I didn't make it. >> ow, you old bastard! 102 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:24,823 >> there you go. Good as new. Ah, schlorpette. 103 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,192 Is that the schlorp nut soup for our guest? 104 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,695 >> yes, but this is the last of our schlorp nuts. 105 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,330 They're all gone. >> aww. 106 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:36,068 The last of the schlorp nuts. And with winter on its way... 107 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,303 >> [ slurps ] this tastes like moose dick! 108 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,272 [ bowl shatters ] I got to go home! 109 00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:43,775 Some asshole tried to kill me, so that asshole's gonna get my 110 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,778 Boot up his asshole. >> with the schlorp nuts gone, 111 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,349 Our village faces starvation. You see, the nuts were stolen by 112 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,918 The evil squirrel wizard on one tree hill. 113 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,120 >> [ scoffs ] >> it was called that before the 114 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,655 Show. >> this squirrel sounds like a 115 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,623 Pussy. >> then perhaps we can make a 116 00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,659 Deal. >> bring our nuts home and we 117 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:04,262 Help get your butt home. >> [ moans loudly ] 118 00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:10,569 >> who dares disturb the sa-- >> blam! 119 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:14,339 Haungh, haungh, hungh! Lick my taco, squirrel wizard. 120 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,475 Give those dicks their nuts back! 121 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,411 >> bitch pudding! That's not the squirrel wizard! 122 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:23,315 >> huh? Who the hell is it? >> trevor? Trevor?! 123 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:27,018 Oh, my god! Trevor! >> his life partner. 124 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,721 >> yuh-oh. >> rrrrrrrrrrah! 125 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:33,291 >> aaaaaah! >> squirrel alert! 126 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,328 Squirrel alert! >> rrrrrrrrrgh! 127 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,265 >> ohh! >> suck on this! 128 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,568 Suck on this! Suck on this! 129 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,905 >> ow! Ooh! Ow! >> can't stay. Gotta go. Blam. 130 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:51,510 >> stay and fight, coward! >> ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! 131 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,311 >> whew. Safe. 132 00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:57,916 >> [ gurgles ] 133 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,954 >> oh, shit! They're getting massacred. 134 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,190 Who cares about those purple peckers? 135 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,793 They never should have trusted me. 136 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,695 Or... Or helped me? 137 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:14,199 >> and at that moment, bitch pudding's heart grew 138 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:19,304 Three sizes bigger. Uh, metaphorically. 139 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,440 You know, you'll just have to take my word for it. 140 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:25,377 >> die, you miserable schlorps! And when you meet god, slap that 141 00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:29,014 Mother[bleep] in the face, because existence is nothing but 142 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:34,419 His cruel joke on all of us! >> sorry, spunk sponge! 143 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:38,323 The schlorps are under my protection! 144 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:41,560 >> [ coughs ] >> uh...Starting now! 145 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:45,530 [ action music plays ] >> ooh! 146 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,866 >> blick! >> oh! 147 00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:04,316 [ neck cracks ] 148 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:14,392 >> aah, trevor! 149 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,430 Punch! Punch! 150 00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:23,201 >> ba-ba-ba-blam! >> unh! 151 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:26,805 [ sobbing ] trevor! My fuzzy little angel! 152 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:30,342 Just do it! End me! Use any death spell you choose! 153 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,345 Just say the magic words and end my pain! 154 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,580 >> abracadabra. >> agh! 155 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,650 >> eat shit. >> my schlorps... 156 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:42,988 Gone. All gone. >> as your champion, a eulogy is 157 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,657 Probably in order. [ clears throat ] 158 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,826 What can be said -- ow! 159 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:54,099 [ airplane engine whirs ] >> huh? Where? What? 160 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:58,537 >> on behalf of "[bleep] you airlines," go [bleep] yourself. 161 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,172 >> aaaaaaaaagh! >> oooooh! 162 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:05,243 Unh! Unh! Unh! I-I... 163 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:10,549 I'm...Home. What the [bleep] 164 00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:13,485 >> toss bitch pudding in the volcano and win a prize! 165 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,388 >> volcano-fried bitch pudding on a stick. 166 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:21,359 >> I hate you, bitch puddin'! [ bell dings ] 167 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:25,430 >> they were all in on it! The whole town tried to kill 168 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:29,668 Me?! >> ♪ she made our lives a living 169 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:34,940 Hell ♪ ♪ so nasty and so mean ♪ 170 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:39,511 ♪ and when bitch pudding hit the lava ♪ 171 00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:43,648 ♪ you should have heard her scream ♪ 172 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:47,819 >> the first annual "bitch pudding is dead" festival 173 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:51,990 Has been a rousing success! For generations to come, 174 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,091 We will -- [ sniffs ] 175 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,828 Hey, guys, do you smell smoke? [ people murmuring ] 176 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,730 [ all screaming ] >> oh, shit! 177 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:02,033 >> the door won't open! [ pounding on door ] 178 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,769 >> aaaaaaah! All together, now. 179 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,739 >> all: One! Two! Three! Oh! Oh! 180 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:12,377 [ dramatic music plays ] >> blam. 181 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,813 [ all screaming ] 182 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:26,091 >> [ moaning ] >> remember when I said I'd 183 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,628 Shoot you last? >> I have absolutely no memory 184 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,097 Of that. >> must have been a fantasy I 185 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:35,900 Had when I was masturbating. >> [bleep] you, bitch pudding. 186 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:38,803 [ heavy-metal music plays ] 187 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,540 >> so that's my story. I probably should have done a 188 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,743 Voiceover through the whole thing, but I didn't feel like 189 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:48,146 It. Now, the only question is... 190 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:52,250 What does the future hold? >> bitch pudding. 191 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:56,888 You have become a part of a larger universe. 192 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,823 [ action music plays ] 193 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:18,043 >> ♪ dunh-duh-duh-dunnnnnnh ♪ blam! 194 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,444 >> what a bitch.