1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:08,941
[ thunder crashes ]
>> [ laughs evilly ]

2
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,943
[ sawing ]

3
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:19,852
[ electricity crackles ]
>> it's alive!

4
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:32,531
[ thunder crashes ]
>> [ laughs evilly ]

5
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:37,870
[ smooch! ]
[ laughs evilly ]

6
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:40,172
[ insects chirping ]
>> honey, why don't you just try

7
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,041
Counting sheep?
>> does that really work?

8
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,243
>> just give it a try.
>> [ sighs ]

9
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:50,549
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
[ sheep bleating ]

10
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,886
>> ...7, 8, 9, 10!
Move it, sheep! Jump, jump!

11
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,755
Listen up.
You have one job -- to help

12
00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,459
Humans fall asleep.
Fail and we'll turn your asses

13
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,162
Into lamb chops!
11, you're late!

14
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:08,400
>> [ bleating ] my name is
samuel.

15
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,103
>> now, let that be a lesson to
all you --

16
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,839
>> my name is samuel.
>> my name is samuel.

17
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,275
>> my name is samuel!
>> what the the [bleep]

18
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:18,577
All right, stay -- stay back!
Stay back!

19
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,980
[ screaming ]
>> [ yawns ]

20
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:25,250
>> hey, how'd you sleep?
>> eh, fine.

21
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,754
[ both grunting ]
>> you're pretty good, misty.

22
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,990
>> better than you, ash.
Oh, darn!

23
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:35,094
Ash! Why have we been playing
tennis with a pokéball?

24
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:41,400
>> pikachu pissed on my rug.
>> [ groaning ]

25
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:44,570
>> damn right.
>> [ singing operatically ]

26
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:47,439
[ cheers and applause ]
hold my oakleys!

27
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:52,478
Huh!
>> no, no, no, no!

28
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:59,151
[ vacuum cleaner runs ]
>> get your penis out of the

29
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,920
Vacuum cleaner.
[ vacuum cleaner shuts off ]

30
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,990
>> family, after nearly killing
you on a ski trip to the

31
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:08,127
Himalayas, i saved your lives by
giving each of you bionic

32
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:10,429
Implants.
Let's use these cool new powers

33
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,664
As the bionic six!
[ all cheering ]

34
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:16,268
>> uh, hon, maybe we should be
grateful we're alive and not --

35
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,138
>> the bionic six!
>> open wide!

36
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:22,441
>> you just got
eighty-bionic-sixed!

37
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:25,477
>> [ grunts ]
dad, turns out hitting homers

38
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,412
Isn't a superpower.
Aah!

39
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,314
>> bionic five!
>> eric?

40
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,750
>> uh, his code name is
sports-1.

41
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,753
>> he's our son and he's dead,
you asshole!

42
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:38,023
We're getting a divorce.
>> bionic four!

43
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,458
>> hyah!
[ gunfire ]

44
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,960
>> bionic three!
>> you killed my brother!

45
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,096
>> aah!
>> bionic two!

46
00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:47,399
>> we never had any training!
[ groans ]

47
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,769
>> bionic one!
>> only now do i see that

48
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:55,974
Bionics solve nothing.
>> i am out of work!

49
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,378
>> it is every parent's worst
nightmare to outlive their

50
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,346
Child.
I will treasure each of the

51
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,615
Years i had with my sweet,
beloved andrew.

52
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:08,453
Hold my oakleys, brah.
Andrew was way too pussy to surf

53
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,823
A wave like this.
Yeah!

54
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,959
>> i'm sorry,
professor dumbledore.

55
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,795
This curse is at stage 4.
You only have six months to

56
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:17,863
Live.
>> [ sighs ]

57
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,731
>> but try to look on the bright
side.

58
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,868
You're a highly educated wizard.
I'm sure you've done something

59
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,138
Really great with your life.
>> i teach high school.

60
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:30,075
>> oh. Well, i'll leave you
alone to cry.

61
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:35,714
[ door opens ]
scalpus badassus.

62
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:39,651
[ twinkle! Twinkle! Twinkle! ]
[ "breaking bad"-like

63
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,554
Theme plays ]

64
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:49,428
We will create a money-making
potion to fund your war with

65
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:53,332
Voldemort long after i'm gone.
>> wolfsbane, fluxweed,

66
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:57,302
20 packages of sudafed?
This sounds like the dark arts.

67
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,105
>> it's what your parents
would've wanted, harry.

68
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:02,774
>> i'll do it!
>> well done, ms. Granger.

69
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:07,279
Your batch is 99% pure.
And mr. Weasley...

70
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:10,082
>> oh, no! Ron!
The most useless of our trio!

71
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,851
>> relax, hermione.
Untrained students mixing

72
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,121
Potentially fatal potions are no
big deal at hogwarts.

73
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:20,058
See? He's perf-- oh, my god!
[ thud ]

74
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,394
>> children, have you learned
nothing from your annual

75
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,230
Near-death adventures?
Magic heals anything.

76
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:28,533
Makes it hard to care about the
consequences, frankly.

77
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:31,203
He'll be good as new!
[ insects chirping ]

78
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:33,105
[ humming ]

79
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:39,111
>> i don't think so, harry.
Professor snape said he wouldn't

80
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:41,046
Drink your potions with
bea arthur's dick.

81
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,381
>> yeah.
>> yeah, come on.

82
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,583
>> quick! Use the magic words
dumbledore gave us!

83
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,184
>> both: The first taste is
free!

84
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,654
>> you know, i always thought
bea arthur was attractive.

85
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,456
>> okay, class.
As you know from your reading, a

86
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,493
Hydra's temperature can only be
taken rectally.

87
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:57,929
Any volunteers?
Children? By merlin's merkin!

88
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:01,300
>> [ mumbling ]
>> hagrid is going to blow the

89
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,802
Lid off our entire operation,
professor!

90
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,306
>> i knew hiring a 12-foot-tall
mongoloid would bite me in the

91
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,107
Ass one day.
I'm on it.

92
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,543
>> i'm home, fang!
Come here, boy!

93
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:14,746
[ beeping ]
fang!

94
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,648
>> i did it!
Now i can...

95
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,685
[ groans ]
i got hit with a stray shell.

96
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:24,189
Seems kind of arbitrary after
such a tightly plotted rise to

97
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,858
Infamy.
[ rock music playing ]

98
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,701
[ banjo playing ]
>> one man can be pretty dumb

99
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,037
Sometimes, but for real
bona fide stupidity, there ain't

100
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:42,207
Nothing can beat teamwork.
[ chair creaks ]

101
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,109
[ patriotic music plays ]

102
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:50,716
>> [ straining ]
[ squeak! Pop! Splat! ]

103
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,552
Another perfect giraffe!
Oh, no.

104
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:57,656
That's too good to waste.
Hey, where's that birthday boy?

105
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,126
[ baby crying ]
>> can -- can i hold my baby?

106
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,595
>> you can hold your baby's
oakleys.

107
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:07,032
[ hard-rock music plays,
crowd cheering ]

108
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:12,738
>> [ bleats ]
>> i finally figured out what's

109
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,807
Wrong with you, otis -- male
cows don't have udders.

110
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,910
>> uh, right.
And neither do i.

111
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:22,214
I was born a hermaphrodite?
I, uh...

112
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,916
Oh, sweet cud. I'm a girl.
You got me.

113
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,985
[ laughter ]
>> oh, my god.

114
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,888
Was that a strap-on or -- oh,
was that your hoof?!

115
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,691
>> what? You want to hate me for
pretending to be something i'm

116
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:33,558
Not?
Fine.

117
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,061
Then, abby, cows don't have
blond hair!

118
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,797
[ all gasp ]
and, bessie, cows can't walk on

119
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,233
Two legs.
Our knees should explode under

120
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,335
This much weight.
>> ow!

121
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:46,938
[ both scream ]
>> fantasy looks pretty good

122
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,941
Now, huh, you judgmental
bitches?!

123
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:51,977
[ whistle! ]
>> my balls!

124
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,478
[ whoosh! ]
>> my vagina!

125
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,681
>> am i doing this wrong?
I think i'm doing this wrong.

126
00:06:56,683 --> 00:07:00,652
>> dear mother, i take pen in
hand to inform you that, today,

127
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:03,522
Your son, private pizza, became
a killer.

128
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:06,558
Our platoon was on dawn patrol
when the enemy hit us.

129
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,529
>> ambush! We got a--
bullets started flying and, in

130
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:13,532
That moment, i couldn't tell my
fellow kitchen commandos

131
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,101
Apart from our enemy,
the refrigerator rejects.

132
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:20,939
I felt powerless, until i saw
that greasy bastard killing

133
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:24,576
Major munch.
A rage overtook me, and i gave

134
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:27,546
That fried freak a closed-casket
funeral.

135
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:30,348
I can't remember why we fight
anymore.

136
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:34,453
I pray that someday this war
ends, a day when there is no

137
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:39,291
Meat drawer, no veggie crisper,
just food and food alike in one

138
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:44,196
Fridge, together.
Until that day, i am your son,

139
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:47,466
Private pizza, 1st battalion,
kitchen commandos.

140
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:53,538
>> aah!
>> suicide taco! Get down!

141
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,842
[ coughs ]
[ weakly ] nobody wins...

142
00:07:56,844 --> 00:08:00,278
[ coughs ]
...In a food fight.

143
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:09,054
>> let us begin this journey for
the roman catholic church.

144
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:12,390
Let us allow gays to marry and
maybe shut up once in a while

145
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,026
About abortion.
Hold my oakleys.

146
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,596
Hey!
Aah!

147
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:21,766
>> so, rapunzel, does the carpet
match the drapes?

148
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:25,370
>> mm, you tell me.
You just climbed up the carpet.

149
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:29,341
>> cobra has developed a
mind-control energy drink.

150
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:32,677
It even looks and smells like
asparagus piss, just like the

151
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,946
Real thing.
Cobra is giving it away at the

152
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:38,650
X games, so -- never thought i'd
say this -- this is a mission

153
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,486
For g.I. Joe...
Extreme.

154
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:44,055
>> all: Extreme!
>> [ sighs ]

155
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,091
>> ballistic, grab the
mountain dew!

156
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,260
Metal-head, crank up the
smash mouth!

157
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:51,830
>> so, duke, i got to ask -- why
does g.I. Joe have a unit for

158
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,499
Extreme tasks?
>> eh, it was the '90s.

159
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,935
>> harpoon, talk to the hand!
Not!

160
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,170
[ engine revs ]
[ horn honks ]

161
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:02,073
>> do i spy a ninja with
bleached blond hair?

162
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,110
>> it's frosted tips, brah!
I'm bustin' moves, extreme

163
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,177
Style!
Go-gurt!

164
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,947
>> remember, you're undercover.
Don't call attention to

165
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,782
Yourselves.
>> you heard the bro!

166
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,919
Chillax, you ally mcbeals!
>> oh, you son of a --

167
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,888
>> take it easy, boss.
[ horn honks ]

168
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,625
>> listen up, fellow youth.
Snakebite energy drinks are not

169
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,127
Cool!
>> [ whispers ]

170
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,629
>> or dope.
[ sea gull squawks ]

171
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,732
>> i am sold!
It's ironic viral marketing!

172
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,502
Let's get a snakebite!
>> don't worry, dawg.

173
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:35,507
I got this.
Who wants in? Pretty sick, huh?

174
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:40,312
I got devil sticks, too.
[ sea gull squawks ]

175
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,514
>> let's get a snakebite!
>> no fear!

176
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:45,216
>> no! We got to take it to the
extreme!

177
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:49,421
Black dragon?
Who wants to see some gnarly

178
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,723
Shredding?
>> uh, that's a steep half-pipe.

179
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,192
Where's that ninja's helmet?
>> don't need one.

180
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:57,329
Homey's got frosted tips!
>> say no to

181
00:09:57,331 --> 00:10:00,932
Snakebite energy drink!
Show me the money!

182
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,535
[ crack! Splat! ]
[ sea gull squawks ]

183
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:06,571
>> well, time for the most
extreme option!

184
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:09,074
Target my location.
Let the dogs out.

185
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,409
>> oh, my gosh.
Did you call an air strike on

186
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,978
Us?
[ tires squeal ]

187
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,680
>> well, seems a little --
>> say it!

188
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:18,550
>> extreme.
[ bomb whistling ]

189
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,620
>> due to your extreme
negligence...

190
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,888
>> all: Extreme!
>> ...You are sentenced to

191
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,123
Death.

192
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:34,966
>> [ singing in spanish ]
♪ hey, maricopa ♪

193
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:43,274
[ singing in spanish ]
♪ hey, maricopa ♪