Working at Sacred Heart, you grow accustomed to a lot of things.
Sickness, death... Ted's morning self-affirmation ritual.
People are laughing with you!
People are laughing with you.
People are laughing... with... you.
One thing Turk couldn't get accustomed to...
was his wife being friends with a psychiatrist.
Babe, what do you want for lunch today?
Baby, please, not in front of her.
Turk, why are you not comfortable around me?
You have the ability to get in people's heads.
And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that, but that makes you a Devil Woman.
Please, I mean, who could imagine what it's like in your head?
I'll take this one.
Hey, welcome to Turk's head.
You look really hot.
Wait a second, you're not a lesbian.
I am in here.
Yeah, me too.
Dammit! Molly, you're a shrink:
why is it my daydreams always end right before the sexy part.
I don't know, maybe we should work on that...
together.
Dammit!
Dude! Relax... and enjoy hot chocolate love.
Snap out of it! Abort! ABORT!
Stop it! I don't have gay jungle fever!
Okay, we should go.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Mr. Garcia's family is here.
Fantastic.
Telling a family their loved one has died is never easy.
That's why doctors have a variety of techniques for breaking the news.
There's the hand on shoulder...
...there's hand on hand...
And, of course, the always popular Resident Kabuki Theater.
I'm sorry for your loss.
As for my family, we had our own way of breaking the news.
Hey, little brother!
We did it with cake.
What happened?
What, a guy can't take three days off work,
travel eight hundred miles on a bus...
with a double-layer fudge cake just to say "Hey, how're things?"
Dan.
Dad died.
There's ice cream in the fridge.
Scrubs �pisode 4x06: My cake
Transcript: http:/scrubs. mopnt. com/scripts/ Script & Timing: Siefaz Pour www. forom. com
10 Days Later.
You guys are back.
Sorry I had to blow out of there after the funeral, but how was the rest of the week?
It was all right; we spent most of the time dealing with the headstone problem.
See, since Dad was an office supplies salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.
So?
So, it looked like a giant marble penis... which I maintain, Dad would have liked even more.
How you doing, buddy?
I don't know... it hasn't really hit me yet.
Oh, it will eventually. But don't worry... when it does, Big Bro' will be there.
What? What is it?
Dan, I love you, but being there for people isn't really yo' thang.
No, that was Old Dan. Look at me: this is New Dan!
I'm totally here for you.
Dan, you've been in here for, like, nine hours: you okay?
Well, I'd feel a lot better if you could give that ol' "H"- knob there a little twist.
Body temp's a bit low.
Now I can feel my tootsies.
So, what do you think of the new convertible, Ted?
Why don't I have one of these?
Well, howdy, Dr. Kelso. Ain't she a beaut'?
I rented her so I could repair the air conditioning unit.
Looks expensive, who authorised it?
Why, you did, sir. Must have been Tuesday last.
Stop talking like a farmer!
I did no such thing.
Now I'm not sure how one would go about making a janitor's life even more miserable,
but what say we start by docking your pay for the cost of this monstrosity.
Oh, God! It won't smooth down.
It's nice to meet you too, Chuck.
Ohh, he's having one of his'Love Connection' dreams.
You sure?
I'd love to go out with her again if you'll pay for it.
Buppy.
Uh? What?
We've been looking all over for you.
why? What did I miss?
Bye Carla. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet your husband.
Oh, I know.
So, Mr. Woolery: what have you been doing since'The Love Connection' was cancelled?
'Love Connection' was never cancelled, it's just not on TV anymore.
I still do the occasional episode in my basement with singles from the neighbourhood.
I'm not crazy.
Noo! Heh.
Aww, stupid nap!
I been a little sleepy these last couple of weeks,
I've dropped a few pounds. I don't know, I think I've got the'flu, baby.
No!
Yeah.
You're not allowed to get sick, you're my "Superman. "
I mean, if you're in bed, who's going to give me my back rubs, or...
unscrew the peanut butter jar, or...
walk around all day in my new high heels just to stretch them out.
She's kidding! I've never done that.
Not in front of the Devil Woman.
- I got a new pair of pumps. - No.
Whenever someone close to you dies, it's important to keep your head above water.
Dan!
I'm up!
You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.
Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either. You have Dad's butt.
You think you'll get out of the tub today?
Yeah, today doesn't look good... by the way, could you get me another beer?
No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.
Ooh.
I gotta go to work!
Okay, little brother, call me if you need... anything.
I mean, anything from this particular area.
Ooh.
Hello, my old friend.
Success.
Look, Mr. Cannon, let's drop the forgetful act.
Now, if you don't sign these papers, this hospital will discharge you,
and then we'll see what you do and do not remember!
The man has Alzheimer's, bozo.
It still won't smooth down!
He's not a day over fifty-five and he has Alzheimer's.
Really makes you think, doesn't it?
You're over fifty-five, aren't you, sir?
What's your point?
Nothing.
Even though I deal with death every time I walk into this place,
I never dealt with it from this side before.
It's full of surprises, whether it's a small gesture from a co-worker...
...or a big gesture from someone you've never even met before.
Walk tall, kiddo.
Of course sometime it's a little awkward even with an old friend.
Hey.
I just wanted to...
Yeah.
Look...
Thanks.
'Kay.
Say, Barbie, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold,
but then you really saved it with the "... 'Kay. "
What are you going to do, hide from him all day and then call him "Ginger"?
No. It's Monday, which of course means it's Ethnic Day,
so I'll be going with Rosalita, and besides, I have a plan.
Which is?
Yeah, unfortunately, the first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me.
Want to hear the second part?
Sure.
I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.
Baby, look at you, please, go see our doctor.
I hate Dr. Kim.
He always makes me take my pants off, even that time I went in for Pink eye.
I gotta pee.
Dont' you think it's weird you've already gone seven times today?
I think it's weird you're counting.
It's impossible to get a doctor to go see a doctor!
I'm on it!
Excuse me: did somebody say they're looking for the baddest detective in town?
Awesome afro.
I'm sorry to barge in on you, but...
I'm a little rusty on the medicine side, and I was wondering if you could help me.
See, I have this patient... constantly tired, always peeing, losing weight.
You should have him checked out, he might have diabetes.
The good news is that it's Type II diabetes.
It's still serious, but it's totally manageable.
Devil Woman gave me diabetes.
How're you holding up, Bambi?
I'm okay. Do you have my charts?
Oh, didn't anyone tell you? They switched your shift. You're off today.
Okay.
He bought it.
Great. Great, great, great, great. I took all his patients,
and I threatened every single one of his residents under the penalty of death not to page him.
One last thing left to do.
What is this?
That's your basic homemade anti-drowning device, to be worn until your brother returns.
I like it.
Oh boy.
Trying to cut back.
Where the hell is my car?
I parked it right there, I know I parked it...
for God's sake, am I losing my mind?
What the hell...
Tommy, take me up, he's coming back!
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Hey, you want a beer?
Abso-tively.
Bathwater.
Backwash.
- Here you go. - Oh, thaaank you.
Hey, Dan, if Dad were here right now, what would you say to him?
I think he'd be glad to hear that.
Maybe it was because I finally slowed down,
maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know.
But at that moment, it all hit me.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure Dan's the guy to talk about it with.
Slow down, little duck. Some ducks can't hold their water.
It's okay. I know.
There's a lot in life that can let you down.
It can be your mind...
...or your body...
Call me if you have any questions.
I'm here for my ear infection.
Go in and take your pants off.
So, what'd he say?
Oh... it's the flu', like I said.
Luckily for me, I had someone to lean on.
Hey, Dr. Cox, can I talk to you for a second?
Uh, no.
Really? Not even just like two seconds to talk to me.
Look, Newbie.
Oh, for God's sake. I'm a little swamped, here.
Thank you.
You know what sucks?
I actually thought you were going to come through for me this time.
In a minute!
Hey, Newbie?
Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients,
answering all your pages,
and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners.
Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?
Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate.
I mean, bravo! Bravo, ah!
What are we clapping for?
His dad just died.
Dammit.
Why are you still antagonising him!?
I don't know. I can't stop.
I am warning you, you better come through for him.
What do you want me to do, anyway?
Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug.
Barbie... you've met be before, yes?
Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year,
and nine months ago I hugged my son, so:
you're gonna have to do it.
Um, you saw us before, we're still awkward from the break-up.
H... Hold the phone. Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him,
that I won't have to deal with problems like this?
Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit.
I mean, honestly, what is he like in post-game?
Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon, I'm not a spooner.
Well, it took a whole tube of gel, but I finally got my hair down.
No one male or female ever cared, Ted.
Where the hell are my reading glasses?
I tell you, the last few days I've been getting to feel the ol' noodle is really letting me down.
Well, I'm sure I'm just making mountains out of molehills, don't you think, Ted?
Ted!?
Hey, Wonder Bra?
Do you, uh... do you have a second?
For what?
I'm giving you a hug.
Oh. I was wondering what that crane was for.
So now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down?
Do you wish to remain seated, would you like to stand? I, of course, don't care,
as long as it's under three seconds and I don't feel your breath on my neck.
So now you're making fun of me because I need a little help getting through this?
No, I'm... I'm really trying.
You know what, I am sick of getting dumped on, and I am sick of you!
Newbie, don't shove me.
Oh, really, why not?
Because whenever anyone shoves me more than twice,
my mind goes blank and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury.
When someone shoves you like this?
So, how'd it go?
Punched him in the face.
Do you want me to kick his ass?
No need. I already got him back, and then some.
On the window, huh?
Uh, yeah!
Here we go.
Oh, God, who died?
No, it's for Turk!
- Get you some milk? - Yeah!
What's the occasion?
I... have type II diabetes.
- Really? - Yeah.
That sucks.
Carla is aware that if you eat that your foot will fall off, right?
Well, I haven't told her yet.
But I'm pretty sure she knows,'cause right now she's trying...
to get me to'fess up by tempting her Chocolatey Goodness with chocolatey goodness.
Babe? Do you want some hot fudge sugar sauce?
Oh, hell yeah!
Why haven't you told her?
I'm not sure.
Can I tell you something weird, though?
You can tell me anything.
I feel like your dad dying has stolen my diabetes thunder.
Oh my God, just this second I was thinking your diabetes...
is gonna get in the way of my dad dying.
Isn't that funny?
Cool!
I smell cake!
If Uncle Bernie died, someone's gonna have to go on a beer run!
Thanks again for inviting me to your house for dinner.
I did?
Yes, sir, you did.
Hey! Where's your brother?
J.D.!
He's not here.
Look, Dan...
It's Captain Bubblebeard.
Avast, matey! Shut yer scupper and bare yer steel,
we should be seeing la-AAH -
Now you're Dan again.
Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we?
He's got me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist and,
he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist...
who's soaking in a tub which by now has to be mostly your own urine.
I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
And I have got to believe that the two of us, together...
together, Dan...
we can make it at least half-way to one legitimate adult.
You're right, Coxy.
Dammit, Coxsmith! Crybaby time is over!
The kid needs us, and he needs us now, right?
- Towel. - Thank you. Let's rock and roll!
I may have lost some muscle mass in my legs.
Fantastic.
I want to apologize to you for that whole "Devil Woman" thing.
I promise you, I will never call you that again.
It's okay. I mean, I can understand why you're uncomfortable around me.
I sometimes do see everyone as a patient.
You know, surgeons do that, too.
C'mon, let's see who's better at it.
Hip replacement.
Alcoholic. That was easy.
Yeah.
Quadruple bypass. Two on me!
Constantly trying to validate herself so she'll sleep with anyone.
Hey, Turk.
What's up, Charice.
Uh, but that, that was before Carla.
So, what about me?
Come on, you know you want to.
Well, Carla calls you her "Superman," and you love that...
but diabetes makes you feel vulnerable,
and you're afraid if you're open with her about it,
you won't be her Superman anymore.
Yeah.
Devil Woman.
Sorry.
Oh my God! I'm sorry about the "Wash Me!" thing!
Put that on.
Dan? You were out with him? I thought you'd dissolved.
We decided this was the only way to do this without feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
Drink.
Now talk.
What do you want me to talk about?
The pros and cons of blitzing a weak-side quarter when you're in third-and-long situations?
Thank you "Football for Dummies. "
I gotta tell you little brother,
you were always the apple of Dad's eye...
you know, that's the worst thing about college football, the male cheerleaders...
ooh, God, that's a chick.
You know, when my father died, all I could focus on was how he was never there, but you...
you're lucky, you've got some positive stuff you can dwell on...
throw the ball, Jackass!
He is a jackass.
I mean, I met your father, I remember it like it was yesterday.
After about two seconds I could tell how proud he was of you.
And then I heard something I thought I'd never hear.
Truth be told, there, Newbie...
I'm proud of you.
Me too.
It's amazing how a few simple words can change everything.
Whether it's an apology...
I'm sorry I came down so hard on you.
I've been a bit forgetful lately,
and I suppose it's possible that I could have told you you could rent crane.
Sir?
Apology accepted.
Whoa, hey! Tommy! What are you doing?
Ah, Tommy's been let go. Have a nice weekend.
You too, sir.
...or an admission.
Baby, I got diabetes.
Oh no, Turk, really?
Carla.
I call this "Turk's Diabetes Box. "
Here is a recipe for sugar-free brownies,
Okay, here's a buncha articles I downloaded off the int...
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Of course, sometimes it's not about the words...
...it's just about having someone there to listen.
And it's our dad, aand he's ranting and raving...
because he's an office supply salesman and he can't find a paper clip in the entire house.
Meanwhile, he gets to work the next morning, and he realises...
he's got a million of'em in the trunk of his car.
The trunk was filled with boxes of'em!
Here's to your dad.
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