1
00:00:01,650 --> 00:00:04,290
Working at Sacred Heart,
you grow accustomed to a lot of things.

2
00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:07,860
Sickness, death...
Ted's morning self-affirmation ritual.

3
00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:09,530
People are laughing with you!

4
00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:11,400
People are laughing with you.

5
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,030
People are laughing... with... you.

6
00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:16,445
One thing Turk couldn't get accustomed to...

7
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,430
was his wife being friends with a psychiatrist.

8
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:19,950
Babe, what do you want for lunch today?

9
00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:22,180
Baby, please, not in front of her.

10
00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:24,400
Turk, why are you not comfortable around me?

11
00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:26,720
You have the ability to get in people's heads.

12
00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:30,070
And I don't want you to take this negatively or anything like that,
but that makes you a Devil Woman.

13
00:00:30,470 --> 00:00:32,780
Please, I mean, who could imagine
what it's like in your head?

14
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,380
I'll take this one.

15
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,840
Hey, welcome to Turk's head.

16
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,210
You look really hot.

17
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,820
Wait a second, you're not a lesbian.

18
00:00:48,020 --> 00:00:49,220
I am in here.

19
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:51,690
Yeah, me too.

20
00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:59,345
Dammit! Molly, you're a shrink:

21
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:02,110
why is it my daydreams always end
right before the sexy part.

22
00:01:02,390 --> 00:01:04,520
I don't know, maybe we should work on that...

23
00:01:05,430 --> 00:01:06,170
together.

24
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,070
Dammit!

25
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:17,720
Dude! Relax... and enjoy hot chocolate love.

26
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,450
Snap out of it! Abort! ABORT!

27
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,050
Stop it! I don't have gay jungle fever!

28
00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:30,360
Okay, we should go.

29
00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:31,070
Yeah.

30
00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:35,840
Hey, uh, Mr. Garcia's family is here.

31
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,480
Fantastic.

32
00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:40,330
Telling a family their loved one
has died is never easy.

33
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,780
That's why doctors have a variety of techniques
for breaking the news.

34
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:45,850
There's the hand on shoulder...

35
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,430
...there's hand on hand...

36
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,610
And, of course, the always popular Resident Kabuki Theater.

37
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,210
I'm sorry for your loss.

38
00:02:08,130 --> 00:02:10,890
As for my family, we had our own way of breaking the news.

39
00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:12,030
Hey, little brother!

40
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,480
We did it with cake.

41
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:14,330
What happened?

42
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,200
What, a guy can't take three days off work,

43
00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:17,335
travel eight hundred miles on a bus...

44
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,390
with a double-layer fudge cake just to say "Hey, how're things?"

45
00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:20,170
Dan.

46
00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:23,600
Dad died.

47
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,800
There's ice cream in the fridge.

48
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:38,660
Scrubs épisode 4x06:
My cake

49
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,600
Transcript: http:/scrubs. mopnt. com/scripts/
Script & Timing: Siefaz Pour www. forom. com

50
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,300
10 Days Later.

51
00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:52,430
You guys are back.

52
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:56,000
Sorry I had to blow out of there after the funeral, but how was the rest of the week?

53
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,680
It was all right; we spent most of the time dealing with the headstone problem.

54
00:02:58,820 --> 00:03:02,230
See, since Dad was an office supplies salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.

55
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:03,570
So?

56
00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:07,070
So, it looked like a giant marble penis... which I maintain, Dad would have liked even more.

57
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,130
How you doing, buddy?

58
00:03:09,370 --> 00:03:11,100
I don't know... it hasn't really hit me yet.

59
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,670
Oh, it will eventually. But don't worry... when it does, Big Bro' will be there.

60
00:03:16,010 --> 00:03:16,970
What? What is it?

61
00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:19,740
Dan, I love you, but being there for people isn't really yo' thang.

62
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,850
No, that was Old Dan. Look at me: this is New Dan!

63
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,160
I'm totally here for you.

64
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:31,740
Dan, you've been in here for, like, nine hours: you okay?

65
00:03:32,530 --> 00:03:35,360
Well, I'd feel a lot better if you could give that ol' "H"- knob there a little twist.

66
00:03:35,550 --> 00:03:36,940
Body temp's a bit low.

67
00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:42,810
Now I can feel my tootsies.

68
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:50,690
So, what do you think of the new convertible, Ted?

69
00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:53,620
Why don't I have one of these?

70
00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:57,180
Well, howdy, Dr. Kelso. Ain't she a beaut'?

71
00:03:57,750 --> 00:04:00,020
I rented her so I could repair the air conditioning unit.

72
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,330
Looks expensive, who authorised it?

73
00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:05,160
Why, you did, sir. Must have been Tuesday last.

74
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,830
Stop talking like a farmer!

75
00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:08,870
I did no such thing.

76
00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:13,260
Now I'm not sure how one would go about making a janitor's life even more miserable,

77
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,410
but what say we start by docking your pay for the cost of this monstrosity.

78
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:23,490
Oh, God! It won't smooth down.

79
00:04:28,610 --> 00:04:29,940
It's nice to meet you too, Chuck.

80
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:33,270
Ohh, he's having one of his'Love Connection' dreams.

81
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,000
You sure?

82
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,310
I'd love to go out with her again if you'll pay for it.

83
00:04:38,370 --> 00:04:39,240
Buppy.

84
00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:40,110
Uh? What?

85
00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:42,110
We've been looking all over for you.

86
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:43,390
why? What did I miss?

87
00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:47,680
Bye Carla. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet your husband.

88
00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:48,625
Oh, I know.

89
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:51,450
So, Mr. Woolery: what have you been doing since'The Love Connection' was cancelled?

90
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:54,980
'Love Connection' was never cancelled, it's just not on TV anymore.

91
00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:58,990
I still do the occasional episode in my basement with singles from the neighbourhood.

92
00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:01,280
I'm not crazy.

93
00:05:01,315 --> 00:05:02,630
Noo! Heh.

94
00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:05,020
Aww, stupid nap!

95
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,120
I been a little sleepy these last couple of weeks,

96
00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:11,220
I've dropped a few pounds. I don't know, I think I've got the'flu, baby.

97
00:05:11,255 --> 00:05:12,050
No!

98
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:12,865
Yeah.

99
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:15,200
You're not allowed to get sick, you're my "Superman. "

100
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,340
I mean, if you're in bed, who's going to give me my back rubs, or...

101
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,920
unscrew the peanut butter jar, or...

102
00:05:22,610 --> 00:05:25,910
walk around all day in my new high heels just to stretch them out.

103
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,510
She's kidding! I've never done that.

104
00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,490
Not in front of the Devil Woman.

105
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,580
- I got a new pair of pumps.
- No.

106
00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:42,320
Whenever someone close to you dies, it's important to keep your head above water.

107
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:44,590
Dan!

108
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:46,900
I'm up!

109
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,960
You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.

110
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:54,400
Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either. You have Dad's butt.

111
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,800
You think you'll get out of the tub today?

112
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:58,900
Yeah, today doesn't look good... by the way, could you get me another beer?

113
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,130
No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.

114
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:02,720
Ooh.

115
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:04,350
I gotta go to work!

116
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:07,300
Okay, little brother, call me if you need... anything.

117
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:09,780
I mean, anything from this particular area.

118
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:10,680
Ooh.

119
00:06:11,230 --> 00:06:12,240
Hello, my old friend.

120
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,530
Success.

121
00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,565
Look, Mr. Cannon, let's drop the forgetful act.

122
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,230
Now, if you don't sign these papers, this hospital will discharge you,

123
00:06:25,265 --> 00:06:28,200
and then we'll see what you do and do not remember!

124
00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:30,150
The man has Alzheimer's, bozo.

125
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,220
It still won't smooth down!

126
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:36,660
He's not a day over fifty-five and he has Alzheimer's.

127
00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:38,090
Really makes you think, doesn't it?

128
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,600
You're over fifty-five, aren't you, sir?

129
00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:41,940
What's your point?

130
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:43,520
Nothing.

131
00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:47,530
Even though I deal with death every time I walk into this place,

132
00:06:47,565 --> 00:06:49,560
I never dealt with it from this side before.

133
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,610
It's full of surprises, whether it's a small gesture from a co-worker...

134
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:01,380
...or a big gesture from someone you've never even met before.

135
00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:03,310
Walk tall, kiddo.

136
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,620
Of course sometime it's a little awkward even with an old friend.

137
00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:09,740
Hey.

138
00:07:09,870 --> 00:07:10,630
Hey.

139
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:11,960
I just wanted to...

140
00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:13,520
Yeah.

141
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:14,460
Look...

142
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,200
Thanks.

143
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:16,060
'Kay.

144
00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:16,770
'Kay.

145
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,390
Say, Barbie, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold,

146
00:07:23,425 --> 00:07:27,330
but then you really saved it with the "... 'Kay. "

147
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,950
What are you going to do, hide from him all day and then call him "Ginger"?

148
00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:32,790
No. It's Monday, which of course means it's Ethnic Day,

149
00:07:32,825 --> 00:07:35,450
so I'll be going with Rosalita, and besides, I have a plan.

150
00:07:36,130 --> 00:07:36,820
Which is?

151
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,980
Yeah, unfortunately, the first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me.

152
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,680
Want to hear the second part?

153
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:44,295
Sure.

154
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,480
I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.

155
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:54,800
Baby, look at you, please, go see our doctor.

156
00:07:54,835 --> 00:07:56,060
I hate Dr. Kim.

157
00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:00,150
He always makes me take my pants off, even that time I went in for Pink eye.

158
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:02,580
I gotta pee.

159
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:05,460
Dont' you think it's weird you've already gone seven times today?

160
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,820
I think it's weird you're counting.

161
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,450
It's impossible to get a doctor to go see a doctor!

162
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:11,650
I'm on it!

163
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:20,110
Excuse me: did somebody say they're looking for the baddest detective in town?

164
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,660
Awesome afro.

165
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,020
I'm sorry to barge in on you, but...

166
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,510
I'm a little rusty on the medicine side, and I was wondering if you could help me.

167
00:08:27,790 --> 00:08:31,220
See, I have this patient... constantly tired, always peeing, losing weight.

168
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:33,770
You should have him checked out, he might have diabetes.

169
00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:41,280
The good news is that it's Type II diabetes.

170
00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:44,000
It's still serious, but it's totally manageable.

171
00:08:47,070 --> 00:08:48,640
Devil Woman gave me diabetes.

172
00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:52,770
How're you holding up, Bambi?

173
00:08:52,805 --> 00:08:54,450
I'm okay. Do you have my charts?

174
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:58,030
Oh, didn't anyone tell you? They switched your shift. You're off today.

175
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:00,480
Okay.

176
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,240
He bought it.

177
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:08,245
Great. Great, great, great, great. I took all his patients,

178
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,720
and I threatened every single one of his residents under the penalty of death not to page him.

179
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:14,480
One last thing left to do.

180
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:20,785
What is this?

181
00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:24,560
That's your basic homemade anti-drowning device, to be worn until your brother returns.

182
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:26,990
I like it.

183
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:28,010
Oh boy.

184
00:09:28,570 --> 00:09:29,550
Trying to cut back.

185
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,530
Where the hell is my car?

186
00:09:35,970 --> 00:09:38,080
I parked it right there, I know I parked it...

187
00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:42,210
for God's sake, am I losing my mind?

188
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,350
What the hell...

189
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:52,880
Tommy, take me up, he's coming back!

190
00:09:54,000 --> 00:10:00,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

191
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:06,440
Hey, you want a beer?

192
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:07,660
Abso-tively.

193
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:11,480
Bathwater.

194
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,060
Backwash.

195
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,520
- Here you go.
- Oh, thaaank you.

196
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:25,290
Hey, Dan, if Dad were here right now, what would you say to him?

197
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,410
I think he'd be glad to hear that.

198
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,450
Maybe it was because I finally slowed down,

199
00:10:32,570 --> 00:10:36,020
maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know.

200
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,170
But at that moment, it all hit me.

201
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:43,110
Unfortunately, I'm not sure Dan's the guy to talk about it with.

202
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,050
Slow down, little duck. Some ducks can't hold their water.

203
00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:50,680
It's okay. I know.

204
00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:53,990
There's a lot in life that can let you down.

205
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:57,580
It can be your mind...

206
00:11:03,090 --> 00:11:04,090
...or your body...

207
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:05,750
Call me if you have any questions.

208
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,295
I'm here for my ear infection.

209
00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:08,630
Go in and take your pants off.

210
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:13,340
So, what'd he say?

211
00:11:13,580 --> 00:11:16,090
Oh... it's the flu', like I said.

212
00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:20,780
Luckily for me, I had someone to lean on.

213
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,910
Hey, Dr. Cox, can I talk to you for a second?

214
00:11:22,945 --> 00:11:23,620
Uh, no.

215
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,100
Really? Not even just like two seconds to talk to me.

216
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:27,780
Look, Newbie.

217
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,920
Oh, for God's sake. I'm a little swamped, here.

218
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:30,605
Thank you.

219
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,570
You know what sucks?

220
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,970
I actually thought you were going to come through for me this time.

221
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:36,280
In a minute!

222
00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:37,350
Hey, Newbie?

223
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,510
Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients,

224
00:11:41,545 --> 00:11:42,760
answering all your pages,

225
00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:46,180
and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners.

226
00:11:46,215 --> 00:11:48,180
Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?

227
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,930
Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate.

228
00:11:51,965 --> 00:11:55,320
I mean, bravo! Bravo, ah!

229
00:11:58,660 --> 00:11:59,980
What are we clapping for?

230
00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:01,610
His dad just died.

231
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:03,990
Dammit.

232
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,110
Why are you still antagonising him!?

233
00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:18,270
I don't know. I can't stop.

234
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:20,810
I am warning you, you better come through for him.

235
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,460
What do you want me to do, anyway?

236
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,500
Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug.

237
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:28,830
Barbie... you've met be before, yes?

238
00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:31,670
Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year,

239
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,210
and nine months ago I hugged my son, so:

240
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:35,900
you're gonna have to do it.

241
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,895
Um, you saw us before, we're still awkward from the break-up.

242
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:43,310
H... Hold the phone. Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him,

243
00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:45,402
that I won't have to deal with problems like this?

244
00:12:45,437 --> 00:12:47,460
Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit.

245
00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,655
I mean, honestly, what is he like in post-game?

246
00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:53,050
Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon, I'm not a spooner.

247
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:57,670
Well, it took a whole tube of gel, but I finally got my hair down.

248
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,510
No one male or female ever cared, Ted.

249
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:03,470
Where the hell are my reading glasses?

250
00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:09,460
I tell you, the last few days I've been getting to feel the ol' noodle is really letting me down.

251
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:18,230
Well, I'm sure I'm just making mountains out of molehills, don't you think, Ted?

252
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:21,800
Ted!?

253
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,590
Hey, Wonder Bra?

254
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,920
Do you, uh... do you have a second?

255
00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:28,520
For what?

256
00:13:29,230 --> 00:13:30,350
I'm giving you a hug.

257
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:36,080
Oh. I was wondering what that crane was for.

258
00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:40,560
So now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down?

259
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,345
Do you wish to remain seated, would you like to stand? I, of course, don't care,

260
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:45,970
as long as it's under three seconds and I don't feel your breath on my neck.

261
00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:49,220
So now you're making fun of me because I need a little help getting through this?

262
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:50,890
No, I'm... I'm really trying.

263
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,470
You know what, I am sick of getting dumped on, and I am sick of you!

264
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:58,950
Newbie, don't shove me.

265
00:13:58,985 --> 00:14:00,070
Oh, really, why not?

266
00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:04,710
Because whenever anyone shoves me more than twice,

267
00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:08,260
my mind goes blank and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury.

268
00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:09,770
When someone shoves you like this?

269
00:14:12,190 --> 00:14:13,235
So, how'd it go?

270
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,270
Punched him in the face.

271
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,250
Do you want me to kick his ass?

272
00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:22,420
No need. I already got him back, and then some.

273
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:28,980
On the window, huh?

274
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:30,740
Uh, yeah!

275
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,270
Here we go.

276
00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:34,210
Oh, God, who died?

277
00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:36,040
No, it's for Turk!

278
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,410
- Get you some milk?
- Yeah!

279
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,130
What's the occasion?

280
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,870
I... have type II diabetes.

281
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,760
- Really?
- Yeah.

282
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,380
That sucks.

283
00:14:50,110 --> 00:14:52,940
Carla is aware that if you eat that your foot will fall off, right?

284
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:54,170
Well, I haven't told her yet.

285
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:57,820
But I'm pretty sure she knows,'cause right now she's trying...

286
00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,840
to get me to'fess up by tempting her Chocolatey Goodness with chocolatey goodness.

287
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:03,710
Babe? Do you want some hot fudge sugar sauce?

288
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:04,870
Oh, hell yeah!

289
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:06,970
Why haven't you told her?

290
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,100
I'm not sure.

291
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,290
Can I tell you something weird, though?

292
00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:11,730
You can tell me anything.

293
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:15,750
I feel like your dad dying has stolen my diabetes thunder.

294
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:19,080
Oh my God, just this second I was thinking your diabetes...

295
00:15:19,115 --> 00:15:20,580
is gonna get in the way of my dad dying.

296
00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:22,880
Isn't that funny?

297
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:24,440
Cool!

298
00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,240
I smell cake!

299
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:30,120
If Uncle Bernie died, someone's gonna have to go on a beer run!

300
00:15:40,790 --> 00:15:43,250
Thanks again for inviting me to your house for dinner.

301
00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:45,000
I did?

302
00:15:47,630 --> 00:15:48,760
Yes, sir, you did.

303
00:15:56,190 --> 00:15:57,670
Hey! Where's your brother?

304
00:15:58,710 --> 00:15:59,820
J.D.!

305
00:16:02,610 --> 00:16:03,470
He's not here.

306
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:05,670
Look, Dan...

307
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,910
It's Captain Bubblebeard.

308
00:16:08,070 --> 00:16:11,470
Avast, matey! Shut yer scupper and bare yer steel,

309
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,810
we should be seeing la-AAH -

310
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:17,280
Now you're Dan again.

311
00:16:19,070 --> 00:16:21,950
Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we?

312
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,960
He's got me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist and,

313
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:29,645
he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist...

314
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:34,120
who's soaking in a tub which by now has to be mostly your own urine.

315
00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,310
I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.

316
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:39,820
And I have got to believe that the two of us, together...

317
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,060
together, Dan...

318
00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:44,960
we can make it at least half-way to one legitimate adult.

319
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:46,430
You're right, Coxy.

320
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,230
Dammit, Coxsmith! Crybaby time is over!

321
00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:52,115
The kid needs us, and he needs us now, right?

322
00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:53,840
- Towel.
- Thank you. Let's rock and roll!

323
00:16:56,510 --> 00:16:58,990
I may have lost some muscle mass in my legs.

324
00:16:59,110 --> 00:16:59,810
Fantastic.

325
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,590
I want to apologize to you for that whole "Devil Woman" thing.

326
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:07,660
I promise you, I will never call you that again.

327
00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:10,770
It's okay. I mean, I can understand why you're uncomfortable around me.

328
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,120
I sometimes do see everyone as a patient.

329
00:17:13,570 --> 00:17:14,870
You know, surgeons do that, too.

330
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,040
C'mon, let's see who's better at it.

331
00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:19,930
Hip replacement.

332
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,400
Alcoholic. That was easy.

333
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:25,070
Yeah.

334
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,830
Quadruple bypass. Two on me!

335
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,710
Constantly trying to validate herself so she'll sleep with anyone.

336
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,200
Hey, Turk.

337
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,080
What's up, Charice.

338
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,540
Uh, but that, that was before Carla.

339
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:41,930
So, what about me?

340
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,140
Come on, you know you want to.

341
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:49,850
Well, Carla calls you her "Superman," and you love that...

342
00:17:50,410 --> 00:17:52,260
but diabetes makes you feel vulnerable,

343
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,530
and you're afraid if you're open with her about it,

344
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,290
you won't be her Superman anymore.

345
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:58,820
Yeah.

346
00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:00,940
Devil Woman.

347
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:03,930
Sorry.

348
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,310
Oh my God! I'm sorry about the "Wash Me!" thing!

349
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:11,870
Put that on.

350
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:15,810
Dan? You were out with him? I thought you'd dissolved.

351
00:18:15,990 --> 00:18:18,950
We decided this was the only way to do this without feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

352
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:20,280
Drink.

353
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:25,600
Now talk.

354
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,070
What do you want me to talk about?

355
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:31,500
The pros and cons of blitzing a weak-side quarter when you're in third-and-long situations?

356
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,130
Thank you "Football for Dummies. "

357
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:36,010
I gotta tell you little brother,

358
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,180
you were always the apple of Dad's eye...

359
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,120
you know, that's the worst thing about college football, the male cheerleaders...

360
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,220
ooh, God, that's a chick.

361
00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:49,670
You know, when my father died, all I could focus on was how he was never there, but you...

362
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,740
you're lucky, you've got some positive stuff you can dwell on...

363
00:18:52,775 --> 00:18:55,290
throw the ball, Jackass!

364
00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:56,690
He is a jackass.

365
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,040
I mean, I met your father, I remember it like it was yesterday.

366
00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:03,280
After about two seconds I could tell how proud he was of you.

367
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,310
And then I heard something I thought I'd never hear.

368
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:07,860
Truth be told, there, Newbie...

369
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:10,650
I'm proud of you.

370
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:14,750
Me too.

371
00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:22,640
It's amazing how a few simple words can change everything.

372
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,665
Whether it's an apology...

373
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:27,250
I'm sorry I came down so hard on you.

374
00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,000
I've been a bit forgetful lately,

375
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:34,210
and I suppose it's possible that I could have told you you could rent crane.

376
00:19:37,390 --> 00:19:38,090
Sir?

377
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:40,550
Apology accepted.

378
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,420
Whoa, hey! Tommy! What are you doing?

379
00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:50,030
Ah, Tommy's been let go. Have a nice weekend.

380
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,430
You too, sir.

381
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:57,220
...or an admission.

382
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,560
Baby, I got diabetes.

383
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,400
Oh no, Turk, really?

384
00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:03,380
Carla.

385
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:06,980
I call this "Turk's Diabetes Box. "

386
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,420
Here is a recipe for sugar-free brownies,

387
00:20:11,390 --> 00:20:14,510
Okay, here's a buncha articles I downloaded off the int...

388
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:18,320
Thank you.

389
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:20,150
You're welcome.

390
00:20:20,210 --> 00:20:22,080
Of course, sometimes it's not about the words...

391
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,220
...it's just about having someone there to listen.

392
00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:29,135
And it's our dad, aand he's ranting and raving...

393
00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:32,970
because he's an office supply salesman and he can't find a paper clip in the entire house.

394
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,120
Meanwhile, he gets to work the next morning, and he realises...

395
00:20:35,290 --> 00:20:37,400
he's got a million of'em in the trunk of his car.

396
00:20:37,435 --> 00:20:39,400
The trunk was filled with boxes of'em!

397
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,420
Here's to your dad.

398
00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:49,722
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