All the way from the parking lot! I told you I could do it!
Who's the idiot now!
Despite my burning thighs, giving Turk that piggyback ride was worth it.
Because I'm sure it put him in a great mood.
I'm in the worst mood.
Why did I do it!?
Kelso's got this new stupid outreach program where families are allowed to observe surgeries.
Yesterday I had to do a bypass on this guy.
You should have seen the family, standing there motionless, silently judging me.
And today I gotta do a colectomy on that guy.
What do you think his family is gonna be like?
There's a tumor in there! There's a tumor in there!
Ohh, don't go behind the kidney, brotha!
You didn't go to the black family yelling at the movie screen stereotype, did you?
Like a bear to honey.
Oh my God, I was supposed to be downstairs ten minutes ago...
to talk to a bunch of pre-med students about what it's like to be a doctor.
Oh, don't worry. I gotcha.
Buckle up, buddy!
Hell yeah!
Hey, kids, I'm Dr. Dorian. I'm sure you have lots of questions, so let's get started.
So, basically it's a topical application consisting of equal parts triethanolamine and phenyl dimethicone.
I suggest applying it twice a day for extra hold.
Okay? Here's a sample tube, Reuben. Excellent query.
Okay, then, anybody else?
Reuben again?
What was your best moment in medicine?
I-I'd say my best moment was probably my second year, New Year's Eve.
A young pregnant woman could barely make it into the hospital, she had her baby right there on the ramp.
You know, that's my first grandchild.
Did you deliver?
No, I didn't. But I did watch.
And I am a doctor. And you look amazing.
So even though Dr. Mickhead actually delivered the kid,
yours truly rang in the new year with grandma!
We had sex.
That's how I do it.
That was your best moment?
I totally get it. Older ladies know how to work it!
Okay, see, now you're in a bit of a pickle because the older lady you're talking about...
better not be me, and it sure as hell better not be somebody else.
So whatta you have to say?
Your favorite jeans are too tight and they look ridiculous!
What!?
Well, I... I'm in trouble anyway and it needed to be said!
Well, unfortunately for you that's just not true! Right?
Heh!
Wow.
I'll tell you what my best moment in medicine was.
Dammit, we lost him. Call it.
I'm not giving up on this guy! Prop his hand up.
What?
I said prop his hand up!
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That's right: The Miracle Five.
You take this one, Perry.
Great moment, there, dumb-ass.
It starts out with a profound misunderstanding of how the human body works,
and winds up with you shattering some old man's hand.
Oh, yeah.
You know what'd be really neat?
If you guys all took a second and thought about what your best moment in medicine was.
It woulda been neat.
Scrubs épisode 4x12 : My Best Moment
Transcript : http://scrubs.mopnt.com/scripts/ Script & Timing : Siefaz Pour www.forom.com
There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital during the holidays.
I think I'll tell Elliot that.
There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital on the holidays.
Hi. That's my dad.
Except that.
And that.
Just been so tired lately.
Yesterday, when the little man and I were wrestling, he... he dropped me in ten seconds.
I got him with a power kick.
Hey! You brought Tyler a new ice cream cone!
Sure....
Thanks.
It's a waffle cone.
So, Mr. Milligan, it turns out you have a pretty serious case of mono.
Don't you get that from kissing?
There are other ways you can get it.
Dr. Cox.
Hold that thought, Newbie. One, two, three, four.
My new thing is to count just exactly how many people in any given room can kick your ass.
And in here, the number is four.
Five if you count Mrs. Cross.
The other day, she went off her meds, sa-lammed him with a cafeteria tray!
She came out of nowhere!
Am I gonna get out of here in time for Christmas?
Tyler's mom isn't around anymore, and I'd really hate to ship him off to his grandparents'.
You'll beat Santa home. I promise.
Phyllis. Outside.
What the hell was that in there?
That's one more point for Mrs. Cross.
But let's see how she enjoys her beloved hard candy without...
her choppers!
Newbie! You never promise a patient that they're gonna be fine!
Mr. Milligan? His blood pressure's a little low; he just has mono.
Oh, for God's sakes, Newbie, take a look around, would you please?
What's the difference between your Mr. Milligan and every other patient in this I.C.U.?
And if the answer to that question is that he's the only one young enough...
to have never made a phone call like this:
"Brring! Hello? Operator? Give me.....
" then you'd be right. But since I'm not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement,
I'll just tell you this:
God hates doctors, He truly does.
You see all these old people in here?
Well, any of'em would give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet,
but most of'em are gonna stay and they're gonna live forever and ever and ever.
And your Mr. Milligan, well, it turns out he's just young enough to die.
I mean, think about it: It's the holidays, there's a sweet little kid involved.
Can't you just feel it?
I did feel it. And I knew what Carla was gonna say before she said it.
Mr. Milligan is unconscious.
Newbie, let's go.
"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
You know, thanks for taking care of me, ma'am.
If there is ever any way that I can hook you up, you just call me at work.
Don't worry about it. So, what do you do?
Ahh, I raise and breed ponies.
Ponies!
Come on, Thunder!
Can't be late for rounds again, let's go. Giddyup!
Hey, Elliot? Would you keep an eye on Tyler, here, while we take care of his dad?
Hi!
Yeah, I'm not that great with kids. They've got such tiny hands. It's creepy.
I'm leaving now.
My dad's in the I.C.U. What does that mean?
Well, uh, Tyler, that stands for "Intensive Care Unit."
It's where we put our patients who need extra care, like somebody who might need help breathing...
because their lung collapsed, or maybe they had a brain aneurysm,
which is basically when a vessel ruptures and then blood pours into the...
You know what, forget it. You wanna see someone who's worse off than your dad?
We call him The Head in the Bed!
Okay.
Damn, his cultures are back, he's not septic.
Well, I'd start him on Dopamine.
- Already done. - Well, I'd scan his head.
I already ordered it.
Well, I'd definitely give Mrs. Cross her teeth back.
That I will not do!
Hey, J.D. Turns out Mr. Milligan doesn't have insurance.
Dr. Kelso said once he's stable we have to bounce him to County.
Sorry.
Turk! Hey! If you go talk to Kelso for me, I'll give you this special Christmas gum.
Okay, this is actually Mrs. Cross's medicated denture gum?
So you have to sell it with your eyes.
Sell it.... Sell it...!
Okay.
"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
I said, "I can't do it on my own!"
Excuse me, sir! A-a man just fainted over there! Are you a doctor?
Not this weekend, son.
Another Bahama mama, please... easy on the Bahama, heavy on the mama!
How you doin'?
Dr. Kelso, I know you told Carla to bounce Mr. Milligan to County, but it's Christmas! So...
what do you say?
I'd say get me a 3T form!
3T f...? What's that?
That's Tough Titties, Turkleton!
Oh, God.
So, uh...what do you want to be when you grow up?
A baseball player.
Yeah, well, I wanted to be a ballerina when I was little. But, according to my mom,
six-year-olds with mild scoliosis and giant man-feet aren't dancer material.
But the joke's on her, because I am currently waiting to hear if the Saint Martha's Community Theatre...
will let me work lights for their production of The Nutcracker.
Can I have some chocolate milk?
Here's a buck. There's a vending machine right outside that door.
Dr. Reid. Would you sign this for me, please?
Sure!
So...what are you doing this weekend, Laverne?
Minding my own business. How'bout you?
Hopefully lighting the crap out of Saint Martha's auditorium!
Yippee.
"Think of your best moment in medicine..."
Dammit!
Little club soda will take that right out.
Thanks, Carla!
You're welcome, doctor.
Carla? What's goin' on up there?
I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the last time a doctor actually listened to me.
Sometimes I feel like...
Did you get the results of the scan?
They came back negative. I feel like we're missing something in his patient history.
When he came in, Mr. Milligan said that he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.
Oh my God, he just might have goof-arounditis.
We should also check him for the silly-willies.
It's okay, they're just stressed out.
Any time a doctor disrespects me, I respond with a little note.
Wah. Worth it!
Are you swanning this guy?
Look, I really don't need you checking up on me every five seconds, okay?
I'm a doctor, and I have as much medical expertise as anyone in this place.
Now what exactly is swanning?
What?!
I'm kidding. Enough of the backseat doctoring... I got this.
Why does it seem like every time I take a stand, everything turns to crap?
I gave that kid some money and sent him outside the hospital, and now I can't find him.
I'm sorry, what?
Kelso said, no insurance, you gotta stabilize the guy and then bounce him.
You gotta be kidding me.
I'll tell you what, in about ten more minutes none of this is gonna matter,
because this guy's circling the drain.
Why are you sick?
I can't figure this out. Maybe if we tried stress-dosed steroids?
I think I'll tell Dr. Cox that.
I can't figure this out. Maybe if we tried stress-dosed steroids?
Or maybe we could just fill a syringe with false promises and inject him with that.
Says here you already got that one covered!
You know, try and discourage me all you want, because kites fly highest against the wind.
What?
I'm a kite! I'm a big, beautiful kite!
Fly! You know what?
I wonder if Mr. Milligan could receive any blunt trauma without realizing it?
Wrestling.
Remember? He said his kid dropped him with a power kick.
Kids can kick pretty hard. Maybe he ruptured his spleen?
Get a stat abdominal CT.
Great catch there, Carla.
Thank you.
"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
You can do this, Dr. Turk.
Okay!
Time!
Well, it's official. Dr. Turk is now the fastest appendectomy in the hospital.
In your face, Dr. Beardface!
It's Beardfacé!
What the hell are you doing?
I got gummed.
Come on, it turns out Mr. Milligan has a ruptured spleen. We're prepping him for surgery in room C.
That's the room where the family gets to observe.
So?
Dude, you don't understand. When I operate, I don't see a person,
I see a machine with parts that need to be replaced and circuits that need to be rewired.
So you think you're a robot mechanic?
As a surgeon, the more detached I am, the more focused I am.
And it's pretty impossible to feel focused or detached...
when this guy's family's watching every move I make.
Well, I wouldn't worry about that. Mr. Milligan only has a son and Elliot lost him.
Awesome!
For me.
Is that fun?
No, son. It's work. But this body didn't happen by accident.
Well, you know what I think is fun? Baseball.
My son is a big baseball fan.
Not so much playing it, but more the...
designing and sewing of uniforms.
That's neat.
No, it's not.
Maybe we can play catch sometime.
I hope so, young man.
Oh! Thank God, Tyler, there you are!
Sorry, Dr. Kelso, this is Mr. Milligan's son.
Come on, Tyler. Thought you were gonna get some Yoo-Hoo and then come right back?
Mabel, this is Bob Kelso.
Uh, what's say we juggle some things and see if we can't free-ride Mr. Milligan financially for a while, okay?
Yes, this is really Bob Kelso!
Don't run off on me again, Tyler.
Sorry. I got scared. And when I get scared I hide.
I know it's stupid....
It's not stupid!
Wanna know where I used to hide when I used to get scared?
This closet right here.
And the one on the second floor.
Oh, and there's also this broken MRI machine down in the basement.
It's like my own private cocoon....
You really got scared?
Yeah. Everybody does here at first. Check this out.
Cool.
Hang in there, Steve.
In med school, they never teach you how to deal with death...
Steve'll be stronger if he gets through this on his own.
So, how did you stop being scared?
I just realized that people here need me to be brave.
Just like your dad needs you to be brave for his operation.
Can I hold his hand?
They're not actually very big on that.
Can I at least watch?
Are you sure?
Get it together, Steve!
I'm trying!
All right, let's do this!
Come on!
"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
Come here. Here y'go.
Here y'go!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Let's see anybody else make that shot!
Huh? Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy! Who's your daddy?
Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?
Oh, he got off your leash?
Give me a break. The kid's like a....
he's like a....
Have you ever seen a drunk baby?
Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter.
Suffice to say that it turns out at first it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls.
But, man, you take your eyes off'em for one second and... BAM!
They got a bucket on their head and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV.
God save me, it was barely out of the box.
The point is that Newbie is my drunk baby.
He figured out that spleen thing, maybe you should get off his case.
I would love to get off of his case.
In fact, nothing would make me happier than to watch him walk into a patient's room...
and not feel that I have to run in after him and check up on everything.
You wanna know what I think?
No.
I think you know how good a doctor J.D. is, and whether you admit it or not,
you have a great personal stake in his future.
So don't pretend for one second that all this attention you throw at him is just for him,
because it's also for you.
As your friend,
I'm telling you that if you want him to keep growing you oughtta back off of him once in a while.
Carla...
And don't say anything, because you know I'm right and my jeans do look good.
God, I hate Christmas.
I really do.
Uh, hey, Elliot? Can I talk to you in private?
Parlez-vous Français?
You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France,
but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Turk, je crois que Tyler se sentirais mieux s'il pouvait observer l'opération, d'accord?
J'ai... euh...
Tour... d'Eiffel...
pantalon.
What?
Pamplemousse!
Can I please stay?
Yeah, kid, you could stay.
Dr. Turk? Thanks.
None of us wanted to say what we were thinking: How vulnerable we felt.
So we all just stood around, pretending to work,
and waited for someone to come through that door and tell us how this was gonna end.
Who's the man!
All right, you guys, we still got a lot of work to do.
Turk, why don't you go check the post-op films in radiology; and Carla...
will transfuse back to a hemoglobin ten; and Elliot, why don't you take Tyler...
and go get us all ice cream immediately.
I'm gonna go check on him. You wanna come?
No. No, you got it.
It's amazing how one patient can affect so many people.
Dr. Dorian? What was your best moment in medicine?
My best moment...? Well, there was this guy...
...he had the most amazing little kid...
...and the doctors actually listened to me...
...I knocked the surgery right out the park...
...and I decided to pull some strings for the guy...
...and honest to God, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself,
but Newbie handled the whole thing...
wire to wire...
...and I kept my promise.
Because the two of them got home in time for Christmas.
And that was my best moment in medicine.
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